Complex Trauma - Part 8/8 - Healing

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[@adrianatuscia707]

Wow I thought The Crappy Childhood really finally got the whole picture of CPTSD ....This just went up another level..I have been looking for this for the last 3 years . I turn 60 soon and I finally have a pathway in front of me to heal...and someone who is spelling it all out and helping us all to understand why we are the way we are....Thank you Tim!,

[@falion2850]

I just found out that I was suffering from CPTSD a few days ago when I found CCF and now these talks. I’ve been wondering the past decade or so what’s wrong with me. I was able to connect it to trauma a few years ago but depression was the farthest I’ve gotten before the algorithm blessed me with a video about CPTSD as I struggle a lot less from the regular PTSD symptoms than the complex ones. Recovery is going to be tricky for me as I’ve pretty much completely isolated myself and I’ve got pretty severe social anxiety but I guess I’ll just have to manage with the cards that I got dealt as I always do. I wish you and every other soul stumbling upon this comment the best for your recovery!

[@despicabledavidshort3806]

I'm 60, I've been trying to heal for 30 years but now I'm retired and I don't have distractions anymore. I feel like I'm fragmenting and I didn't even know that was a thing. I think when you're serious about healing God puts things in your path to push you along, sometimes to shove you along. The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Tim Fletcher, Kim Sage, they've all been put into my path recently. Good luck on your journey to becoming whole and finding yourself ❤

[@happydaysrcoming8792]

I believe you, I also believe this country USA doesn’t seem to care about us at all! I’ve been dealing with this for 51 years! I’ve suffered from this trauma since I was a year old…. Actually before that, I even believe my mother abused us physically when we cried. He talks about how we don’t trust! He is completely right, now the world needs to help us heal! They want to promote birth they need to help us whom have already been born, to parents who didn’t really want us and then psychologically abused us and verbally abused us and physically abused us!

[@happydaysrcoming8792]

@@despicabledavidshort3806I’m 52 and didn’t know this till now, but I’m April a doctor mentioned PTSD but I can’t get a diagnosis’s but I’m in therapy like Tim talks about and they have attempted to do the therapy that he speaks of here in the last part of the video. I’ve done the grieving and the anger and cry and in a safe environment and the support system I don’t have and I am doing the self care and I will have things come up till I die! Because it’s all still happening to me because of where I’m forced to live because of the government!

[@Sproutgoodnight1161]

Please find YHWH Soon in and keep the commandments in Exodus 20 and Leviticus 11 Please read Exodus 20 and pray for forgiveness 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here! 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all of thy heart, and with all they soul, and with all they mind. 38This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love they neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hand all the law and the prophets. Matthew 22:37-40 Please read the book of Jonah, Matthew, Exodus and repent for forgiveness and you'll have all the information you need.

[@meb8743]

If you have complex trauma, you can tell he really does understand this. MOST therapists and professionals do not. I truly hope they find a cure some day. Too many of us are dying out here.

[@umargamer5550]

U r fine now

[@joywebster2678]

The cure is in doing the work...no magic pills..

[@supernova2875]

@@joywebster2678 how are you doing? I noticed your comment is a year ago..I'm beginning my journey..if you don't mind..how are you coping? Thanks

[@joywebster2678]

@@supernova2875 it has been a rough year, I'm treading water a lot. Just completed a physical move, so I'm hoping to regain the healing track. It's hard work to let go of all the past harm, but it is needed. Best wishes to you.

[@patriciafoltting6761]

Wonderful teaching. He knows exactly what he's talking about. I am on the road to Healing. But I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for God.

[@aasma.ashiii]

I want to like his videos a million times

[@nancyd304]

"Your parents don't get you." That's a mouthful right there. God Bless Tim for all this compassion, wisdom and insight... So grateful for having found this work💥💕🙌

[@gregoryburne5251]

This right here, is an incredible human being. Worth so much more than the richest person in the world. Period.

[@dogmutty2]

This man is a godsend

[@pandapearl385]

And suddenly the million piece puzzle of my life comes together. Thank you.

[@cherylewers6322]

It's wonderful to have watched a series that was created out of real compassion, concern, experience and hope. I agree with everything you have gone over. Thank you so much for your work.

[@wizzyb9761]

I just finished watching all 8 parts of this. It really hit home. What I find excruciatingly painful and discouraging, however, is that everything I've learned about complex trauma here and elsewhere says that healing occurs best within a healthy relationship - especially a healthy intimate relationship with a spouse or a child. That's all well and good - but what happens when no one "healthy" wants anything to do with you because you have so many issues? Or because you're not attractive enough that anyone wants to date you. How am I supposed to find someone healthy to help me heal? The pain of continually being rejected just keeps adding more layers of trauma.

[@iw9338]

Gentle with yourself. Every small step is growth. Keep going, no one is perfect, life is a process. Blessings

[@joywebster2678]

Start with a healthy professional, the rest will come.

[@rhuechantal6316]

I got stuck at the same point. When it comes to finding a compassionate soul to heal with, i have been that person for so many people but can't find a person to be that with me. It all comes down to love. I can't do this on my own. I said this to the person I love more than life itself. He is gone. What do I do with this? God help those of us left here.

[@phoebeglobe483]

Start with a pet. If you allow them they are just children of another species and will love you immensely if you love them and treat them well. i speak from experience!

[@neallcalvert9324]

It happens on its own schedule, when we are ready. . . . Someone told me: If you're unable to love people, start with plants, move on up to animals . . . work from there. That's what I've done. . . . Further, I've learned that the answer to the problems of life is to become spiritual. . . . So: Find a spiritual teacher (doesn't matter what belief system: I've learned a lot from Yoga Vedanta, from Buddhism, and from studying the 'failures' of Christianity -- which had failed me deeply in growing up years). . . . The Internet is full of teachings; or ask around your community. . . . "There is always a way," is what I have come to believe, after years of studying and searching. If you want names of teachers of 'big picture living' that can be trusted, leave a message.

[@anneliebyrne2580]

No words Can describe How greatful I am, after watching these talks - the degree of knowledge and wisdom is out of this World - thank you so much, especially for Letting me watch - i would never be able to afford this in "Real life".... i Will proberbly be watching this again and again... After 10+years of therapy, I still have missed so Many points, until now.. i look forward to seeing more, and hope to find "The Tim view" of dissociation - this is a Big issue for me, since I disappear in therapy... Again - thank you so, so much 🙏🏼❤️

[@anneliebyrne2580]

I found it 💃🏻🙏🏼👏🏻❤️

[@Medietos]

Annelie B, 2 years after: I too am grateful. Wanted to ask you, if you don't mind answering: Was it really (only) you who missed the many points from your 10+ years of therapy? Because I never got to hear this kind of thing in my attempts at therapy, always was questioned, not soothed, not examined, but prem,aturely evaluated and judged, never received in the empathic process so that I had a chance of feeling safe enough to relax and feel.F ex I was accused of blaming others as I was asked to tell why I was there, what had happened. I had no idea about childhood trauma coping mechanisms and the victim role I am still trying to understand. That I was talking of the harm others had done to me, didn't mean i had no self-criticism, only i was not safe enough with the therapist to talk about my wrongs, and ti think straight, What others did came from outside and was easier to briefly have access to and tell. My own inner world has been pretty inaccessible due to survival stress and high sensitivity.And i also didnät know about a false victim role, I was talking aboút the real victim role, Don't they distinguish btw the two, just as real and unreal fears should be? Atm I have a co'dependent, layman 12-step sponsor on the phone 2x ½hour a week, and all the night-mare psychiatry and health care "professionals" who should have worked with me, would hardly believe their senses if they heard how well we work. Because she accepts me, knows what it was like at the beginning, we share a fellow program which works as a stabilizer and a grounding structure, sobering the wildly exhausted human and over-aroused nerves. i find it embarrassing on their part, and deeply wrong, the mistreatment they have done as punishment for trauma reactions to their maltreatment. I have searched for therapy and Dr for 40 years, they have taken my best life, broken down my spirit, destroyed and squandered my already compromised life-energy, my health, body looks. I practise forgiveness, but it is much my sick wounded co-dependent who denies myself, my rights of security and to not be harmed in health care. oh, this got long. I hope you don't mind .

[@theforeigner6988]

To me it, finding out about cptsd, narcissism, codependency and so on, was much better than winning the lottery or something. It's a new life. I begin to live now, at the age of 40

[@lisacurtis8162]

@@Medietos I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've seen counselors do this to voulnerable people and it makes me sick that they get away with it. Even if you were having problems with victimization (you're probably not you were really a victim, and again with the therapist) the truth without compassion is cruelty. Hopefully next time you will find a counselor who is ethical and really cares about helping people.

[@jimrich4192]

Yesterday, a bully verbally assaulted me on a public buss & ALL of my childhood trauma triggers were activated. I used whatever tools I had learned in therapy & got thru the assault OK but am still shook up by the aftermath of the encounter & somewhat reluctant to ride public busses since there are a lot of mentally ILL ppl out there now. The bully was a big, young black man & I'm an 85 yo white man. I have no idea what TRIGGERED him other than my age or race. I have plenty of my own early trauma triggers to deal with. It was a kind of LESSON for me!!!

[@marjol3in]

I feel so sorry for you. Did you take public transport again and how did it go?

[@junemichaels6668]

Wow - such invaluable, straightforward information and direction, one never gets! I appreciate your honest, respectful, approach - feels life-changing. Thank you for sharing your vast knowledge and wholehearted compassion, Tim.

[@brandonrouleau438]

Thank you for posting these talks. I waited years to hear this, then, thanks to modern technology and a referral by a friend it was there. Everything you say is sincere, heartfelt, and based on an intimate and studious familiarity with trauma. Your mission to spread this knowledge is inspiring and honest. Too often, healing from trauma is a privilege in Canada. Ideally, this would be offered freely. Imagine what kind of a world we could live in if we were all freed from our trauma. The Creator has blessed you as a leader and healer.

[@johnfogarty1874]

So much valuable information here. Especially understanding why we still make the wrong decisions as that's one of the hardest things to deal with. Really setting the stage for this topic on KZbin and sure I'm not the only one who is deeply appreciative.

[@GodIsLove1John416]

I don't know how to find a surrogate family when there's no healthy people around me, everyone I know is stuck in denial.

[@TheBlackCat1337]

Help yourself, then help the community. Find groups that do this. Try a community help centre for guidance for finding support groups in your area.

[@jmatoske]

One of my favorite grounding techniques is to look at dog videos. Seeing the beautiful playful animals sounds around is very calming. It is scientifically documented that looking at images of cats and dogs and perhaps other animals is calming to the mind.

[@launacasey6513]

Spot on. That is all stuff I've worked on with my therapist and it's encouraging to listen to this talk. There are so many times when I wanted to just give up and ask 'what's the point of trying?', but you need to persist and not give up. Keep trying for future you. You have to be an ally to yourself and keep showing up, and break the pattern of abandoning yourself. It'll be worth it!

[@Bar_Bar27]

its hard to forgive when you see them everyday and reminded of the things they did to you. you have to be away from them in order to forgive in time.

[@kchild71]

Berihun Adugna this has been hardest issue for me. Healing in the place I got sick.

[@melrea33]

Thank you, Pastor Tim. Thank you for all of these teachings. I'm making my way through as the Lord leads and on the one hand, I'm crying. On the other, I'm rejoicing that I have come a long way and there's hope to continue the journey with grace and techniques to recover. We appreciate you! 🙏🏾🙌🏾👏🏾

[@livelyvortex2961]

The part that stood out was that we need to reach out as he said no one can read books and do it all alone. What about those of us that HAVE TO? Some of us have no one. He says kids need to have someone that is crazy about them. Some of us have never had that, still don’t and there is literally nothing you can do about it. I have therapists and psychiatrists. If I had community, I wouldn’t be looking for help. The crisis line is the closest I have been able to get to having friends or someone listen. Im listening to all the videos but there doesn’t seem like a solution for me yet.

[@user-lz4qh1pb8o]

@@ShirleyLaVerne i appreciate your response so much. there so much snark out there, you never really know what someone will say when posting. its seems like no matter what road i go down, the end answer is always "seek professonal help" which is not helpful as I have had many therapists and psychiatrists and tried seemlingly "all" the drugs. Admittedly, I have not been to a Tony Robbins seminar or done ayahuasca but many things like that and pretty much everything else probably. Still trying to figure this all on my own.i hope you find a way too.

[@FineFeatheredHomestead]

Thank you so very much for your insight! I have CPTSD and nearly 3 years ago had CBT counseling, and used EMDR (on my own, the way the founder did), and basically did everything within my power to recover. 2 months ago I re-entered my teaching career, hopeful, with plenty of tools, and praying for renewal. Last week a kid stood up, shouted at me ridiculing the play we were rehearsing and the work others had put into it; I saw the others close into themselves, which meant tons of work for me to make them feel safe enough to try again. My words were reasonable, but my tone was too harsh. Everything you describe in recovery failure is what I felt for 7 days. Nearly quit. Nearly believed I'd just never recover. Nearly turned numb and tolerated the rest of the year...but others were praying for me, knowing I had no idea if my career had to change because of past trauma. It was terribly humbling to face that, but I knew I'd be OK in a different job if needed. (That's coping, but also escaping). That day I reported the issue. Day 3, I asked for that student to be moved to a different class, granted. Day 5, I checked with a different student to see if the play was still of interest, it was. Day 7, I finally felt ready to speak with the offending kid, with understanding and explaining the reasons I'd transferred her were necessary, but not personal, and not out of dislike. Drama needs security and compassion to make room for vulnerability and playfulness of acting. The student showed great relief, and even thanked me 3 times for speaking to her. Was it worth a horrible, wretched week of inner turmoil for me? No. There's nothing fair about it. But am I worth the best effort I can give toward recovery? Absolutely. The kid would have been OK either way, but this way I became a roll model rather than the tough one, and created connection instead of leaving a roadblock of misunderstanding. Then I took myself out for lunch to a nice place and felt just how seriously I needed that self care; it took a toll. So self compassion tells me to take it easy this weekend and get some added sleep. No one knows what it takes, but for anyone else doing hard things, Semper Fidelis! God's plans are to prosper you, not to harm you. And I can tell you it feels good to reconcile too. After all, I like kids!

[@iw9338]

Awesome, way to go! Thank you, this testimony give me hope. Keep up the great work! Blessings

[@c.williams4583]

This is a great illustration to learn from! Thank you!

[@penthor347]

“My thinking effects everything, down to the last cell” wow

[@wildrose5357]

Sounds great! But how do I find the gem, the safe person I can go to? As far as therapy, at $120-$200/hr are you kidding me? I’m their safety net, not the other way around. Therapists from public healthcare system have NEVER mentioned CPTSD. Now that I’ve educated myself I can see I fit the bill 100%.

[@Phoenix_74]

Don't waste your money on the medical industry, they are mostly more focused on being a bank manager, in my case an absolute charlatan. Why should people pay some greedy schlub to listen? The patient has to do all the work and find solutions!!!... That's quite the business model hey? Then to have to deal with all the psychiatric medication aspects of the journey...that part will seriously show you just how terrible life can be and if you're lucky enough to servive, you'll learn just how resilient you really are. Then you'll have to take that strength and deal with the addiction you'll discover you have to those meds, aswell as that they do nothing but make you far more sick, keeping you coming back regularly, in some vain hope you'll get help from these creeps while paying through your nose every step of the way!!! Benzodiazepines....just pure poison...there is not a single good aspect to Benzodiazepines, it baffles my mind how a human can sleep at night after prescribing them to a vulnerable human... No...people like Tim...are a blessing...that's all you'll need in the world!!

[@Max-xc5rw]

Key components of healing from trauma 10:10 - Relationship element 11:25 - Re-parenting - relationship with a healthy and safe role model 18:30 - Grounding 23:50 - Complex trauma is a distortion of reality 28:10 - Every thought affects you to every cell - Cognitive-behavioural therapy) / Dialectical behaviour therapy 30:20 - Trigger situations and healing 35:15 - Victim status 36:45 - Forgiveness 38:00 - Spiritual component 38:50 - Persist, don't give up

[@RubyNeith]

Thanks

[@Look_to_Jesus12]

Unfortunately I haven't managed to fund relationship support person...so I still run (fight and flight, now in freeze and faun) too many red flags pop up and I push people away for small things....I need assistance...so far it's been God only...it's hard on your own....

[@janjacobs375]

What if there just isn’t anyone you can establish that deeper “intimate” relationship with? What if there is no one who is just crazy about you?

[@Psychologist_Eugen_Fitzherbert]

Visit a health professional, get a pet or visit a spiritual institution (rabbi, priest, pastor, imam, guru, rōshi, monk, nun)

[@janetschermeister4049]

God loves you and is crazy about you! Seek Him & you will find Him. His arm is not too short to help you. ❤

[@sherileyva5908]

Good question. I would love some answers for that as well.

[@hstjames5609]

Seriously? Not helpful, get a fkn grip​@@janetschermeister4049

[@hstjames5609]

Pets are the best ❤

[@Starstorm111]

I was watching this during an anxiety attack/panic crippling.. the moment you said: it’s all a distortion of reality.. in that moment it stoped for some seconds. True panic stoped. THANKYOU FOR THAT. This shit is so hard and excuse me my language. This is hard. All this shame, all this terror being an adult, of course there is shame.. when you so used to be strong and a real survivor of abusive parents. The world is not made to heal this stuff, most people don’t care and even less when you are an adult, we all too busy with our personal problems. That’s why this is so precious from you. I deeply deeply appreciate your talks.. it’s a gift listening to you. And thankyou for being honest about how hard is to face it, and it’s not gonna be easy, when you been deeply hurt in your first years and thrown into the world with you soul and mind made pieces… I hug myself and I know I will never abandon myself I won’t. But it’s a tuff path, too much inner fear.. triggers.. it’s easier to run and hide. Thankyou again . This talk has me crying but is so liberating.. thankyou

[@phoebeglobe483]

People step one for those of you totally alone, too distrustful and too red flaggy is to get a fur baby (pet). YOU will learn to love and trust a little and they will bring a lot joy and love if you treat them well. Animals are by default so loving unless you abuse them. its a first step and will calm you down enough to give humans a try eventually.

[@mattc7270]

Thank you so much Tim. I, and many others in these comments are so grateful for your caring work.

[@Artbymackerson]

My father told me word for word, “ I dont know you, i dont get you I dont know my oldest son.” That always stuck with me. I havent talked to my father in over 10 years after a huge falling out after he married his 3rd wife and sold my grandparents (whom i was very close to) property and moved on with his new wife.

[@bellakrinkle9381]

Good for you; keep up going forward.

[@iw9338]

Dr. Caroline leaf, the brain can heal. EMDR, does help & challenge every lie that I told myself. Blessings

[@supernova2875]

Thanks.

[@jaimiejin7992]

Hey Tim thank you so much for this. 'What you are wanting is a new set of parents'. What a great statement. I feel I've been looking for people with whom I can have a healthy, normal and functional relationship with. I had a little bit of that with some of my friends, and it greatly helped me learn how to maintain a relationship with someone.

[@Phoenix_74]

Tim, you've taught me so many things about myself I didnt even know make me who I am. I feel so blessed that I ever took the time to open your first video... This is information I didnt know I couldnt live without!! Thank uou so much!!

[@bellakrinkle9381]

This can be done alone; yet you must know yourself well enough to know that you will NOT SUICIDE if you feel like doing it. The feeling WILL PASS. If you don't know what you will do, Get Support...NOW.

[@TheBlackCat1337]

emotions are scary when you never learned to regulate or experience them all your life.

[@suap309]

If only I could find loving 2 replacement parents who aren't actually narcisists, unlike my own Estranged parents. I've been a complete orphan from young, and I still am. I'm 50. I have No family whatsoever. Life has been so hard and is still very hard. I have God so I'm never alone.

[@Tightness8]

You are a live safer man. If you dont mind can you please elaborate out the titles so i may go through a few of these with my therapist? Its was so hard to just get through this with just normal talk therapy. My memories of my childhood are so foggy, that we dont really get anywhere...but when i watch these they come out so vividly. Thank you, these videos mean the world.

[@AK-mj1er]

“Your greatest wounds came from your most intimate relationships.”

[@stellabandante2727]

I'm so moved by all of this information. Thank you, Tim, for your presentation. You are compassionate, real, and believable. This is my journey.

[@azaleaslightsage1271]

Tara Brach has a great video on KZbin Three steps to letting go Is quite good helpful 👌

[@user-ov8lj5pn4x]

Thank you so much for your guidance and wisdom. Believe it or not you are helping save the communities lives including myself.

[@triggytiggy740]

This series of videos was definitely helpful. Well worth the watch 👍

[@gregvisioninfosoft]

Are there any female CPST survivers out there who are at a stage in their healing where they want to take the risk to reach out to others to build healthy new support systems? In a manner where you are genuinely wanting to go past your fears, to build connections with others, to no longer wear masks - but to instead be authentic, vulnerable and real? If so, I would be happy to see if we might be able to form a long distance connection. As for myself, I was happily married for 20 years to a CPST survivor - together we moved beyond her many past pains. I personally enjoyed the feeling that came with helping to 'heal' another human being - and understood the responsibility that came with that role that I played. As in the process, some of my own inner weaknesses and frailties were made to feel better during that give-and-take beautiful experience. I am the type of person who enjoys more dwelling in the depths of emotions and feelings with healing as a goal with other human beings - as opposed to having superficial and meaningless discussions. I like to dwell closer to the heart and the soul - for that is all that really matters most to me. If so, please say a hello to me - and let's see if and how, being pen pals might be fulfilling for the both of us. g-r-e-g-a-i-k-e-n(at)h-o-t-m-a-i-l-.-c-o-m (remove the dashes) I am not pretending to be a trained professional in this arena. I am however, a genuinely thoughtful, emotional, and sensitive male who desires to have more meaningful interactions with others - even if it is only virtually through emails. And I am able to be as open and as vulnerable as that is the only way to get to the truth of who any person truly is inside. Take a small risk to say hello, you might be pleasantly surprised...

[@dRumpfsadouchebag]

Neurofeedback and heart rate variability therapy has been enormously effective for my awareness and recovery..

[@overarainbowov7520]

Thanks for the excellent lecture. Regarding EMDR Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk who is also an expert in the field of trauma recommends EMDR for one trauma event cases not for complex trauma clients.

[@FineFeatheredHomestead]

Actually the founder of EMDR is Shapiro, and she accidentally stumbled upon it. While troubled and on z walk, her eyes began to shift back and forth repeatedly. Over a brief time, her feelings had changed and did not trouble her. She thought that was interesting and did research. Now it's been used for trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other issues - with an outstanding success rate recorded! Psychology took it over and gave it rules and protocols. I did it on my own, for CPTSD, and it worked great! Flashbacks were gone, and I still use it to dissipate distressing thoughts on occasion. It's thought that by mimicking REM sleep, it may allow rapid mental processing; but it's still a mystery. Bessel is fantastic! So is Francine Shapiro. You can hear her interviewed on KZbin.

[@ianburnside9682]

I think true love is where God comes in When I am not sure but I think we have to receive His love by faith for now

[@lawrencedavis5459]

I used trauma release exercises to help me. Saved my life.

[@amandabennett6419]

Please!

[@Kareena1988]

Like shivering?

[@insanebrain213]

I learned this thing from Richard Grannon to help me remember what I'm doing: your 5 fingers - Thumb is "me, I'm in control" Pointing finger is "intention to move forward" Middle finger "fuck all that shame etc" Ring finger "commitment to healing " Little finger "like a chopping action sorting and separating"

[@starqueenlotus3755]

Thankyou so much. And that spiruitality touch at the end of it was awsome.

[@netizen5]

Thank you so so much. I can't express in words how much I was hurting and not able to understand it. Thought of going back to my family threw me in rage crying and intense trauma. My family who threw me out want me back and say you are being arrogant. Its like they have no clue what I went through past 7 years almost home less and now they shrug it off...don't want to talk about it .and just want me to fix their lives as I had done all my life...it's 6 people vs 1. Worst part is my mom says I left her in her old age.. whereas it was her who saw me off ..and refused to stay with me when I was all alone n broke ..she chose to stay with dad and my brothers ..and now want me back as I used to fight her battles..I was a parent to her ..it's such a harrasment ..never knew I was under trauma ..as I have gone through this past 45 years of my life..in the end they say I have anger issues...child who is abandoned over n over again... shouldn't get angry or cry

[@c.williams4583]

I'm so sorry. That is so unfair and almost unbelievable. You are still healing. It's best to stay away from abusers until you are coming from a place of strength and only then no more than necessary. Don't become dependent on untrustworthy, abusive people... ❤❤❤

[@veronsin7194]

Thanks Tim. You are helping a lot of us out here.

[@joanneedwards6866]

Oh my goodness l hav have Thankyou thankyou thankyou l have just discovered this complex trauma and can relate to it very much. My dad who has recently passed away l have really tried to forgive but watching this series of yours has helped me so much. I will search for a counsellor who knows about this stuff and with God's help l will become who l was meant to be. God bless you Tim.

[@irey1978]

I have this issue after a hard childhood and difficult adult life. This gives me hope to heal now I know what I'm dealing with after all these years. Now 41 and a complete mess and the traumatic events keep happening to me. You feel hopeless inside and alone.

[@patglennon9671]

I hope life is getting better for you

[@luckyjaff855]

Thanks!

[@sharayukeskar158]

Thank you so much for doing this! It is incredibly invaluable. I have a few questions though: Healing requires you to work with a therapist/ counselor but what if one cannot afford to see a therapist (for financial and several other reasons) what can be done in this case? If therapy isn't an option, can you work alone and heal yourself or will this person never be able to heal?

[@RubyOnyxx]

That was great, thanks for uploading.

[@scouthmk2312]

Thank you Tim

[@juliecannata676]

All of these talks help! Thanks!

[@405OKCShiningOn]

thank you I have been following these talks.

[@suzontour8938]

Love and thanks

[@babelee753]

Thanks for these videos. Its really helping me understand myself.

[@RebeccaPebble]

Thank you!! I'm having epiphany after epiphany. I was wondering why I contined to sabotage one relationship after another due to triggers and misperceptions. Thank you for lighting the way to true, deep healing. 🌟 Love the prayer too!🥹

[@IgorOlikh]

Very useful lectures. Thank you

[@triciahouston8479]

I'm 51 and experienced complex trauma from religion. I had a loving family but the fear from religious biblical teachings was so bad! I was sat down to watch an early left behind series at 5. Watching people hide from others having their heads cut off. It was taught as a fact that it would happen in my lifetime. I remember living in such paralyzing fear that it haunted me every day as a child. Religious institutions love to instill constant fear of God's wrath and then tell you how loving he is, creating this deep disconnect in your mind. My heart goes out to small children who live in this type of trauma and cult teachings.

[@Relayzy1]

You know who happens when i seeked help? Yeah nobody gave a crap! So now it's back 2 what it always was, helping myself! Some people don't have the luxury of frends/family.

[@user-bd4bo4tb8u]

I’ve been with ex for 18 years. No job, no history, no income, no friends, ruined reputation, but have custody and responsibility for child. And no phone. Or money. I am in hell with no way out.

[@simPattyK]

I get you, I'm kinda in a similar situation, except I have no kids . Alone in hell, no way out. I feel you!

[@abusetoenlightenment3074]

@@simPattyK Believe me it can get better .. wish you both love on this journey.

[@Wszystko_minie]

Thank you. It's only one but. I get true 50 min docs in 4 countries. They say that thay can't help, or like I wrote before i have till now 7 different diagnosis and not even one from it its about CPTSD. Man must to do it alone, I hate doctors. Maybe they are some of the good one but normally it's impossible to find someone like you say. I need to learn how to do it alone. I know what I'm talking about. Sorry to say that but they are the facts. Thank you again to opening my eyes and for explaining and for hope. Thank you so much. God bless you again and again. In the moment that wants to give up, I don't know what to do, I don't have power to live anymore because of stress and scare inside, and I'm always meeting wrong people everywhere and the situations are always so bad that I'm starting to shaking from inside and I have scared from everything and everyone, you have come with Help. Oh My God, I can't believe, I thank you so much.

[@suesuki9652]

Same here 😢

[@irmgardhannoschock3141]

Our religion is giving us this „two crazy people“ who believe in us even if we have nobody who‘s crazy after us: God - Jeaus - (the holy ghost). So this is for me the great result of your speeches. Therefore I thank you so much.

[@lastdayspassagesandstudies3374]

Yes it is true that Jesus is someone to depend on

[@georgiewatson8688]

Thia is shit! So basically i'm doomed because there isn't 1 single person in my life full stop let alone that take pleasure and interest in me. I even tried reaching out to some people and they don't give a shit so i scrubbed them from my contact list! Fantastic, i've spent weeks listening to these lectures and only now i realise i can never heal because i have no-one in my life! I'm going to go cry now and slowly come to terms i will always be alone. I'm done with all this

[@tonyd.9156]

Great insights. Very helpful. Thank you. Wonderful that you acknowledge the need for God's help...this is the beginning of true wisdom. However you should know the scriptures clearly state that since Jesus' death and resurrection God only accepts prayers offered thru and in Jesus' name. John 16: 23, 24. This is an honor God has bestowed on His son so that all must acknowledge the value and importance of His son's sacrificial death. The ransom paid thus is our only channel for ultimate reconciliation with our Creator. John 14:6.

[@Isaac-ho8gh]

2:55 Wow.. You are fucking right about me in regards to this, holy crap.. I never knew that I wasn't the only one who wants a substitute for parents basically, I 100% feel that way and thanks for that also.. Since that could make Complex Trauma even more possible in my case so I can fix myself, thank you so much!

[@Enfpmom]

Much better than any md

[@happydaysrcoming8792]

How do we find these healthy people? When we aren’t healthy most healthy people will run from unhealthy older adults?

[@TheBlackCat1337]

The people I met are others that have experienced it. People volunteering and doing community service will have a level of empathy we are looking for.

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Careful on reaching out. I reached out to my wife. She later said that it caused her to lose attraction for me. We are divorced now.

[@stern4141]

Sorry man that’s rough.

[@Makintimecustimefly]

This man's life on the chopping block... you're responsible. God is cut different. . .😊

[@Alchemist75573]

So, all people here are living in their own distorted - THROUGH TRAUMA- realities - WHAT WOULD BE THE FINAL PRODUCT FROM INTERACTION OF DISTORTED REALITIES??? Psychologists try to reset the brains / souls of their clients, acting out of their own distorted realities … WHAT A PERFORMANCE !!!!

[@lisaj5769]

why is this entire series not a Ted Talk?

[@baylee8659]

Thank you

[@sospita_]

I have NO CLUE how to get into an intimate relationship, much less a healthy one. I have been alone most my life and then this guy came and he is crazy about me and turns out he is a pathological lier who is already married, AND He is diagnosed ASPD. Now, he is fine, he has 3 or 4 women who are crazy for him, and I have nothing, again... WHy is it that the abusers, predators all seem to be learning so much about themselves and heal. They are good looking, know how to play the rolls and are obsessed with their getting better and all the abused are alone and have no way out of feeling like total crazy and total crap. I listen to all these 'self aware' narcissists or what ever you want to call them, all over the social media and they are all so buffed up about themselves > 'oh I'm so messed up from my childhood. I love to play with you like a cat with a mouse, so stay away from me because I'm just fine completely scrambling your brains and your heart and I will eat you alive.' LOL WTF?

[@C.Hawkshaw]

Mindfulness Meditation decouples the automaticity of the amygdalic response.

[@emmajones3131]

Change the thinking and get new parents :)

[@simPattyK]

Where does one find the kind of person you describe around minutes14-15? That's utopia !

[@louisebrookes2630]

I found them when I said No to all the bad relationships and decided I deserved the best and that's what happened, had to imagine it first a lot before I believed it and be very honest with myself and my partner right away.

[@kingdomthings9887]

You ask Almighty God for them 😊

[@Medietos]

@@louisebrookes2630 Glad for you! Did you heal with the help of a therapist too before though? HE says one can't hal alone from hard traumas. I got hopeful listening to his talks (the 2d or 3d today), but lost it at the thought of the humiliating search for a therapist again. I have to stabilize myself and get sleep and a small platform first, a home? ,get mý stolen life and money back? And ask,visualize and have faith.

[@katyab84]

All your videos are super helpful. Thank you for that. The only thing is this forgiveness matter- why should I forgive someone who abused me and never asked for forgiveness? I feel like it will make their actions legitimate if I"ll forgive.

[@TimFletcher]

Katya: I have clients raise this question with me regularly. If you go to website, www.findingfreedom.ca and go to Tim’s Talks, you will find a recent series entitled, Attitudes Necessary for Recovery. In there you will find two talks about forgiveness, where I address the question you have raised. Tim

[@daviddolan4033]

The idea of forgiveness is for your benefit not the other party. It is to wash your being clean of the pain you hold onto today. This will allow the hard work you will do on you to have a chance of working for you... Last part is to just let the destructive hatred go - forget and just stop thinking of what really is the past. Do this and you get to make room for your better future.

[@MrBrunoUSA]

I have now made it through this series. It has been enormously helpful in understanding some of the things I do and mistakes I have made over the years. No wonder I sometimes feel like I am a 5 year old in a 55 year old body. Now, how on earth do I heal from all this nonsense. I have been trying to figure that one out or some time now. Counselling is not available to me so I have to look online.

[@lauraleemoderndaysamaritan4137]

you may want to check out ACA meetings and InTheRooms.com for more resources. ACA meetings address PTSD, reparenting ourselves, addictions and various maladaptive coping skills we develop as little people, teaches self-love in a healthy way...hope this helps

[@baja1988_Texas]

Every time I watch this video I get more depressed and discouraged.

[@C.Hawkshaw]

You don’t have to have a therapist or someone who is crazy about you. You can get Bhante G’s “Mindfulness in Plain English” and start meditating. There are thousands of ways to heal.

[@LastMinuteMinistry]

If I knew how to find unconditional love, I wouldn’t need this video 😂 That’s what I’ve been trying to do for 20 years. 20 years of therapy- failed. Marriage- failed. Work relationships- failed. The only One who cares for you is Jesus. Ask His angels to minister to you. Everyone else fails.

[@waynewells1958]

Someone crazy about me in healthy way that could only be God my parents didn't do that. If it wasn't for God I would be dead or dying slowly homeless. And my AA sponsor knows me better than anyone ever has I'm very lucky I guess that thier is a framework for my trauma and I became alcoholic to cope with it. Or else I wouldn't really found help that works thru steps and sponsorship, everyone should have a sponsor whether in AA or not

[@daniT7087]

This was so very informative and detailed. Thank you for posting these videos. I was wondering how i could get a copy of the handout that came with these talks?

[@TimFletcher]

Go to our website findingfreedom.ca. Under "Tim's Talks", you will find the Complex Trauma series as well as the PDF documents

[@daniT7087]

FindingFreedomMedia Thank you!!!

[@daniT7087]

Also, I was happy to hear you mention the first abandonment, adoption. Do you have any talks about that? And a question; as for healing c-ptsd, to have a healthy relationship with someone who has healthy boundaries and is supportive of us do you mean a good counselor? Because I don't have anyone in my life who "gets me". They all pass judgement

[@TimFletcher]

Danielle Tobias A counselor or mentor is a good place to start

[@TimFletcher]

They are available on findingfreedom.ca under Tim's Talks

[@dianacrow7509]

Hello, Im curious to how to have to live with all this violence, the threat of violence by all these gun activists, domestic terrorists. When ones first event of trauma was looking down the barrel of a gun, when ones own father's eyes are behind the hammer at age 5, for hours. One is left with healing rewounded Only to have almost the exact same scenario but it was ones stepfather, 7 years later. After many years of therapy, this is yet another story of trauma. Environmental safety & security has become jeopardized and trust becomes virtually impossible key issues. I've named all my traumatic emotions with long & arduous deep inner truth work. We've little or no help within society, and this isn't just my trauma any longer. What to do? I'm not taking my personal issues into anymore relations, I've seen what is out there. Prayers for all those suffering... Namaste ~♡~

[@donnag.3611]

Was it Dr. Caroline Leaf re: the thoughts?

[@true_riley007]

The problem is that i don't have money to get a consultation i am very poor.

[@marilugarcia8943]

I have no one to look up o that is crazy about me. How am I goong to heal.

[@rileyhoffman6629]

I'm going on 71. My adoring father died one month after I turned five. My mother disliked, ignored, mocked, humiliated, diminished, and basically hated me. I could never do or be anything right. I survived, not sure how. I've a UCLA doctorate, two published novels, married/widowed, homeowner, etc etc. but my emotional life is terribly stunted. I have no safe place and have come to wonder if I WILL EVER FEEL GOOD ENOUGH. Wishing you much luck, growth, and serenity.

[@carinwiseman4309]

You say you need somebody healthy that cares about you and has a relationship with you for healing, but if you never had that as a child, and now you are an older adult, that is pretty well impossible to find....because healthy adults avoid other adults who have issues, so you are forced to do healing alone, basically.

[@happydaysrcoming8792]

There has to be places we can go where their would be healthy people. That may mean going to church groups or community gatherings like music at the park in the community or going to a place where their may be healthy people..

[@psychonwo9188]

They don't want you to be happy under any circumstances. That is clear.

[@mariannepillen2841]

Very interesting video's? It gave me insight. Who is the speaker? Marianne, Belgium

[@TimFletcher]

Tim Fletcher - findingfreedom.ca

[@TimFletcher]

Tim Fletcher from Winnipeg, Canada

[@beckywaytoomuch]

I understand the need for personal responsibility but he puts way too much pressure/ responsibility on the individual and zero emphasis on societal and infrastructural changes that need to happen for people to truly heal. As he pointed out, social support/ connection is imperative to recovery and as long as this overwhelmingly individualistic framework persists, the kind and amount of helpful systems and institutions that need to arise to meet the need will not be met. Our society (in the US) doesn't even provide health insurance or sufficient safety nets let alone easy and affordable access to psychological support. Again, there's a lot of good stuff in this series but it could be better at admitting that enough safe places for support simply don't exist, though they need to and immediately so. Ignoring the ineptness of our society doesn't truly serve people suffering. A truthful, and well rounded assessment and discussion of CPTSD can occur with out self defeating, or victimization.

[@Alchemist75573]

Have you ever seen a person who was not traumatized in childhood ??? So, what’s GOING ON ON THIS PLANET???

[@AttackHak]

Where can I find these parents?

[@catsaresocute650]

There's. No. Way.I.Go.Back.Into.Theraphy.

[@lesliehaas4405]

Which video should I watch after Complex Trauma 8?

[@lesliehaas4405]

Also, what is the hashtag on Instagram?

[@TimFletcher]

I would suggest either "50 characteristics of Complex Trauma" or "Complex Trauma and Relationships"

[@safarisbyanita]

​@TimFletcher do you do one on one therapy?

[@SavolX]

29:42 could somebody explain what he means here? "Not to put all eggs in _that_ basket". What basket? I kinda lost the track of thought here.

[@TimFletcher]

It means not depending on doing one thing alone. There are hundreds of new tools and habits that have to be learned if one is to get healthy. There is not a magic fix - one activity that will make everything better

[@SavolX]

@@TimFletcher Ahh! Thanks for such swift response. And the material is wonderful, have to process it, but it's the most comprehensive one I saw even though I read Pete Walker's book and others

[@alimay967]

15:00 it’s ridiculous- where are we supposed to get this kind of safe, secure person who gets us? If we could not get a single one of those as children, where are we suppose to find one to “accepts us, loves us unconditionally and looks at us with admiring eyes” as adults? This is a failed task from the beginning. This is coming from a 45 yo who tried to find someone like that for that long - with a no long term success and huge number of disappointments. It takes courage to open up to people and every time they flip on you at one point earlier or later because they’ve learn a bit more about you and your struggles. Good advice in theory- zero practical value.

[@TheBlackCat1337]

all I can think of is meeting people from charities and other places that people give their time back to the community. Gotta find people like ourselves I guess. Maybe someone doing community service might have some friends that understand and one is looking for a partner. Everyone else I met, even others with disabilities, will walk away. Unless they suffered from c-ptsd or maybe bipolar, they wont truly understand and have that level of empathy.