The Fear of Abandonment: How it Can Push People Away - Complex Trauma Prisons

[@TimFletcher]

💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.

[@saycog1084]

I wish I could live a year in the shoes of a person with great healthy self esteem .

[@louisecampbell2628]

Same here.

[@JESUSistheairibreathe]

I understand What helped me was God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit He reminded me of who I was before I met that person and to return back to Him and He will heal all the pain If we Keep our eyes on Jesus, you can heal and grow and leave everything in His hands🕊️🤍

[@noremac0123456789]

Same 🙋🏼‍♀️

[@KaeNew]

❤❤❤

[@shawnnoble1413]

Keep doing good things for your self cut out bad things the more you do the better you will feel. Right now I’m running daily working out and reading

[@lwontherez7927]

If their partner is a narcissist, they feel abandonment triggers nearly constantly!! -Because the narcissist is not able to love or attach. And everybody in the world means the same to the narcissist as the “Intimate partner”

[@katzygolf]

I'm still living that nightmare at 75. Still waiting for a miracle but finally trying to appreciate & love myself. I hate remembering my past & still wondering why people walk away, convinced something is wrong with me.

[@taurenglenn1120]

😊​@@katzygolf

[@caroleminke6116]

As soon as we bought a place together his mask was dropped & he began to abandon me… I only knew then it was a toxic situation due to his arrested development & family dysfunction but five years later I get all this stuff finally! As hard as it is physically as well as emotionally being on my own now @ 66 ❤️‍🩹 it’s still better than what I went through with him here. I kept the property & went totally gray rock till he disappeared because I wasn’t giving another inch. Putting my needs as well as the cats 🐈 🐈‍⬛ first & never giving a man the time of day

[@Elaine-uc4un]

Fantastic video, you have described me to a T. You are amazing to know this and to share it. ❤

[@kimmieC69]

The narcissist doesn't see people. They see things. Inanimate objects. A person is as valuable to them as a lawmower 😢

[@colleengibson7867]

I have deep abandonment issues. I was left alone in isolation in a military hospital and I remember feeling like the whole world had left me. I guess they didn't know what the problem with me was so they drugged me and put me in isolation. Torture for a 4year old. Then on top of all that, my parents martial problems and eventual divorce. My dad totally abandoned his family responsibility. Now I spend my life and every single relationship up till the last one, wondering when they'll leave me too. And then he did, then he past away. This issue is a bear to get through. I feel frozen. Not wanting another relationship and yet I miss the closeness of a relationship. So confusing. Thanks Tim for the insight on all this stuff. Makes total sense in how life plays out when childhood has so many dysfunctions. One on top of another.

[@JJ_FLA]

😭 I'm so sorry, my heart breaks for you sweetheart. Sending you hugs and love. 🥰❤️💞

[@katzygolf]

Yes, "freeze" response. I can't leave the house or use the phone.

[@annak29]

Your experience is so excruciating, I am so sorry 💔😭😰. It's a very vulnerable way to go about life. I hope you find your own inner self to be your best friend and experience contentment.

[@mistyk5274]

Your videos began popping up on my screen one day just out of nowhere and I truly believe that God sent them to me to change my life. I have suffered from abandonment wounds for most of my life and didn’t understand why certain things such as jealousy kept happening in my relationships. Thank you so much for doing these videos and helping me to finally start to heal and be the person God always intended for me to be!

[@JennyONeilCoach]

♥

[@debrakarr996]

I've always told my family I don't need any of u....now I know why I've always felt alone and fighting the world all alone..just wow

[@Loved2024]

I get it .

[@jordanr7290]

I get it too. 😢

[@elenavermeulen]

Me too

[@shannonl9633]

Completely identify

[@CupNoodleKitty]

I‘m sobbing listening to this. It makes me feel so guilty for how my last relationship ended. I feel this deep loneliness and shame and like I can never find true love

[@barkingbubbles9552]

I understand completely. That means that you can learn and grow though it's never too late. Just focu and learn and practice. You will learn and love will happen.

[@STEPHANIEENAJE]

So many gems here, as well as tough pills to swallow. I truly appreciated how abandonment examples were given - of which many hit home for me! The healing section was critical, all my habits that I never understood - explained here. Being alone is my next frontier. ❤

[@aml8760]

Same

[@JudeRevolution-c1l]

Thank you as always Tim . I truly appreciate your guidance and understanding of CPTSD .

[@zdb79]

Tim. I must tell you. You are one of the best in explaining and helping in this mater. Thank you so much for your friendship for all of us in need to untangle the knots in our heads

[@godzillamanstreb524]

And stomachs

[@Ole67]

I wholeheartedly agree. This man is a Godsend. 🙏🏻❤

[@ebonyapplepy3906]

And hearts 💕

[@FlorenceLunsford-sk2nj]

This deep well of shame it's so painful

[@TrueSelfWalkAway]

Excellent. thanks for this wonderful healer. Yes this sums up my life. I am in solo healing mode. I have therapy, coaching, self study. This is my most painful wound in my recovery.

[@lindafolk4598]

Thank you Tim. Always clear very helpful knowledge you share with us. Bless you and your indepth work!❤

[@aml8760]

For many of us...

[@volchonik6208]

Truly amazing. Self awareness is the key. Even watching this video is proof that you can rise above the maladaptive mechanisms and find the stable healthy love everyone deserves. Wishing for the strength to move forward, make healthy connections, and heal to everryone watching! 🌾

[@saycog1084]

My difficulty in setting boundaries is that I fear their boundaries are going to be stronger than mine ( and they usually are stronger in standing up for themselves than I am) then I regret putting boundaries and acuse myself of not being flexible enough…because deep inside I know I’d ’be able’ to put up with more psychological abuse in order to keep the ‘peace’.😢

[@lisalambert81865]

My eldest daughter seen it and knew it before I did, I went to her one day and said I have abandonment issues and she said you think… I said why didn’t you tell me? She said would it have made any difference? Cause you have to see these things for yourself so you can heal them. If you don’t see or recognize your issues, you can’t or won’t change or heal them.

[@fembot521]

This 100% describes me. It sucks so bad. My husband suddenly died and it’s set off my abandonment issues big time. We were together 20 years. It’s been 3 years and the idea of dating is terrifying for this reason. I met a guy online and from the first few times we talked I knew he was going to leave eventually.

[@maryj4732]

Hello Tim, thanks for this wonderful video. Could you please make a video only for the healing part with details please? That would help many of us.

[@Loved2024]

Yes please, would be very helpful!

[@joshepherd9095]

Listening to this talk, I am astounded at how much of my life followed these patterns, and all along I thought it was ME. Thank you for opening my eyes to this. Part of me wants to say, what a wasted life but another part says, hey, at least you are no longer in the prison. Without God's help, I would still be there.

[@aml8760]

Listen to his videos on codependency recovery. It's related

[@aciddiver1978]

You are so full of knowledge, and thank God you are a follower of Christ❤

[@robbingcars9140]

I’m just now realising a significant period in high school where I was abandoned. Until today, I had never considered that period of my life as negligence, and so now I feel very shocked

[@sarahb.6475]

You forgot to add in the people who never get into a relationship. They just avoid it totally.

[@artealain]

Very good point. I would love a talk about this aspect of abandonment.

[@CinHalCedHerChance]

21:37 he mentions it at the bottom no? Or am I not understanding your comment?

[@chocolatecookie8571]

The typical Western woman that is. They live of their ego and one-night stands.

[@kameshiam1674]

Stop talking about me Sarah😂

[@lightgivener]

Hi, it's me. I'm the problem :)

[@ShalomEntirety1]

Incredible... Thank you SO much for taking the time to explain this in way that it's undeniable to miss the red flags within self and others. I'm blown away. God is good... Shalom.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

Wow! I prayed for major help for this weekend and now I have some understanding of my confusion and pain. Thanks Tim! You knew, somehow what I was grasping to understand of my emotions and confusion.

[@sheilagomez548]

I was molested from age 3 to 7. My dad made me think I was Special and was the one he loved most of his children. He told me all little girls do this with their dads but not to tell mom because she would blame me. One day I accidentally said a dirty word in front of my mom and she pulled be roughly in front of her ( she was sitting) and she was angry. Asking me where I heard that word from and I kept saying I can't remember. She finally got me to talk and I told her some of what was happening with dad and her response was You should have known better. I was crushed and terrified because she put me in the car and so I hid underneath the front car seat ( this was in the 60"s). She took me to his job and she confronted him and he said I was a liar. We get back home ...she puts us on the front porch and me and my brothers were terrified of what was going to happen because she said something about the 22 pistol. My brother who was a couple of years older than I looked at me and said now our family is broken up and it's all your fault 💔 😔 I could actually feel the weight of the world pushing on my shoulders.

[@juliaoconnor5688]

Heartbreaking for you. 🙏🙏🙏

[@bendixonmusic7149]

My father was abusive and my Mum's response to that when i was little was often to threaten to leave without me or my siblings and the leave the house for a few hours or up to a whole day so that we were left alone with my abusive father. I think this has left ke with a deep fear of abandonment that comes out in intimate relationships and makes me push people away

[@mknels1299]

God never left me❤

[@Fillysopher]

💩

[@carolkampe118]

My mother separated from, who she claimed was my father, when my brother was a few months old and i was in utero. They parted ways and never reunited. When i was a40 + adult, my supposed father was found by my brother who went to live with him and meet his half brothers, etc. The man that was on my birth certificate as my father, denied implicitly that he wasNOT MY FATHER. When i was 15 and had gone with my step dad, for the day, my mother moved out of our house totally taking everything to move in with her new man friend, EXCEPT my bedroom was just as i had left it that morning. I used to joke that she moved out and didnt leave a forwarding address.i have been married and divorced 3 times and am now so alone, totally alone, except for my daughter, l THINK she loves me. I so much appreciate your Fri night talks, i am self diagnosed and getting self-help. Thank you for talking on a level and in a way that i can follow and understand what you are saying.

[@carolkampe118]

I had my first child at 16 yrs old. My mother had left my brother and I who is 17 months older than i am, alone every weekend, my brother was married very quickly also. I have been following you for several months now and because of a health issue, went to stay at my brothers home for a few days . I now realize that HE IS ALSO SUFFERING FROM COMPLEX TRAUMA, ABANDONMENT ISSUES. I had never considered him having any problem with anything, he is so seemingly all together. But now i can recognize the difference in an all-together and a mentally healthy person.

[@Claire5020GEN]

@@carolkampe118Keep doing the hard work to get healthy. There is freedom there. ❤️

[@TruthIsVegan-ye8ji]

Love it!! Yes God is who we all need first then we can connect with others who feel complete security within God too.

[@dudleycharmaine1]

Thank you so much for this, I'm now understanding on a greater level of how much I need to go deeper into my self love journey and this has provided so much insight on people I know .

[@noremac0123456789]

I need the flip side of this. I get someone interested in me but am repulsed by their interest in me. Or, I get them and immediately start building up huge resentments as a source of protection from feeling/getting hurt.

[@nickthompson1812]

A possible perspective. You don’t respect yourself at all, so when someone else sees the good in you, you are grossed out by them. You ask yourself “how could they like someone like me, they must have more problems than I do.” I’ve experienced this with women before when I’m trying to save them (🤣🤣)

[@treehouse5224]

The problem is I don’t feel it when they leave, It’s when one Im with a person or a friend, it’s really hit when Im attached with someone

[@Imthaone8888]

Inconsistent emotional care. Despair upon the slightest rejection. Panic with inconsistent contact.

[@LaUwa-ia]

Thank you so much for this video, I have never heard someone speak with such knowledge and clarity on this topic. But I have to say that after listening I feel like an even bigger cripple than I thought I was and I admit that I have zero faith in a healthy relationship. And I'm already around 40 😶

[@CinHalCedHerChance]

My whole life (like plenty others, nothing but trauma), I'm nearing 48, I've never been in relationships for longer than 4 months. It's all a pattern. S word is looking like a good option at this age. Not thrilled, but living with this in my head is absolute shit. Looking back, my so called "friends" just laughed, didn't really treat me like their equal and looked down on me, basically treated me like shit - this is of course all in retrospect and it makes me hate myself more for allowing it. A GENUINE sincere congrats to those who are making it work in their lives today, good for you, you did it or are doing it. For some ****ing I (and a whole lot of others) can't seem to get a step in the right direction to some kind of wellness. Honestly, good luck to everyone.

[@krsp7288]

Tim, you nailed it! This one seems to make the most sense to me and gives me the most insight so far. Thank you.

[@jennycollins5032]

Omg I am so grateful to find this information. Thank you

[@yam153]

Thanks!

[@Bobomcbagpiper]

I got stuck w both the throwing away your child and then the new parents lock you in a room and scare you about the outside world saying you cant handle the outside and demeaning me constantly about how im too incapable to function. They never even gave a reason to why i couldnt handle life but their daughter could. She was allowed to do everything and i wasnt allowed to have friends or a phone or a job or learn to drive or go outside or even go to the bathroom without permission. And i wasnt allowed to ever be in the kitchen to make something to eat without supervision and permission about specific foods and i was timed for how long i was in there. I was timed for how long i was in the bathroom. I was made to write food diaries that calculated my calories and weight loss so i stayed an acceptable size. But i wasnt allowed to go outside to exercise. But i was made to do bellydancing. It was so extremely controlled and isolating. I havent been touched once in my whole 30 years of life until last year a girl i liked hugged me without thinking it was a big deal. And since then i'm strugglinf to keep everything inside. Its like she broke a dam and now all of me is cracking up crying all the time and not knowing how to exist. I live in a shelter. I never go outside. I'm terrified to even go to the bathroom or go downstairs to use the microwave because it feels like people in the world own the world and i dont belong here. I dont understand any of the customs. I have no friends. The only 3 i had all died within a year of each other when I was 17 and i was told it was inapropriate to cry or go to the funerals cuz it would "create a spectacle and its not about you." Ive been homeless on and off since I was 12 because the houses i kept getting sent to were all extremely religious and shunned me for being gay. I hate breathing.

[@Bambina336]

Wow! It's scary how much this describes me, my life and my relationships. I finally understand why. 😢

[@nnylasoR]

EXCELLENT. Painfully relatable and convicting …. and yet, a supremely validating summary of myself. 😭

[@lolybird77]

Same, now what....I think we should all get a house together and support each other.

[@Karlien68]

Thank you so much Tim, this was quite an eye opener.

[@alinaapostol8208]

Excelent!!! I think is the best explanation ever from all I have ever heard. Thank you so much!!!! And I have only listened 15 minutes.

[@HashtagAPI8]

I was a refugee kid from when I turned 3 and lost people all the time. Mom, dad and brother were the only people I had. My parents didn’t have much capacity to be there emotionally always. Often we would get told that we only had each other. I am exactly all this and my relationship of 6 years with a very great but avoidant bf is ending because he can’t handle it anymore.

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

It s not true u only have each other. U also have God and He s there for you and can look after you

[@Chris-cf2kp]

I've noticed that with some luck I don't have the majority of the behaviors explained here despite experiencing neglect and narcissistic abuse - what I struggle with the most is seeming to often attract other people in this category who will love-bomb and then pull away and even act with contempt when I refuse to move so quickly. That wouldn't be worth mentioning if it didn't inevitably cause the immense sadness and rumination that comes with analyzing my own actions in an attempt to 'fix' or make those things right again, and it doesn't prevent me missing that person, and feeling completely blindsided and treated with neglect by them. Sometimes it's near impossible to anticipate someone will be an emotionally unavailable person at first, and the majority of my issues stem from interactions with these types, ranging from innocuous to full blown malignant narcissists because it blindsides me - and then worst of all keeps me down in a low place where I don't stay open to healthier people and environments, like losing grip of my own reigns. I've realized what I need to do is establish the things that give me the greatest sense of my own identity and sense of self, through facets like social support, community, skill development, and purpose that is external from those encounters. What keeps me from doing those things the fullest is that resistance you described - in the thick of the rumination, my brain paints all of my ambitions as pointless if it won't make any difference in making those people change and treat me with common decency, even if it's just at a subconscious level. That is the primary obstacle I've faced in overcoming my shade of this prison - and I imagine it's what keeps other people stuck too. Their entire motivation and autonomy was hijacked and stripped from them because of how they were treated and made to feel guilt and obligation to these people.

[@Kitaravrse]

This is incredibly insightful. Thank you.

[@TheMisssy2]

You are so enlightening; I am so glad I found you. The part about giving "tests" that is me 100%. And realizing everyone I was with also had abandonment issues. Now I'm dependent on my dog, which is building a different co-dependent prison. OMG

[@yumildarodriguez1175]

Is amazing information. I am dealing with my partner's abandoned issues 😞 now

[@mp-du2og]

Thank you so much, though as some already said, please i would love to hear more of the healing part

[@Carollori]

Yes me to a T. Messed up my entire life alienated my entire family. So I’m getting lots of alone time. So far the healing aspect is minimal. I’m not that good of a company for myself. Thank God for dogs

[@catherinewilson1079]

This is an amazingly informative video! As an adopted child abandonment is/was my major issue. Some of the issues you covered I was already aware of, but you have provided many other ways for me to understand and hopefully solve these abandonment problems. Thank you❣️ Being abandoned seems to set one up for a very lonely life in that it can be very difficult to EVER attach properly to another person. By default, I seem to have instinctively picked your suggestion of having a close relationship with another woman as a practice run. We have been friends now for 25 years and I have learned how to attach and truly LOVE another soul thanks to her. Finally, at the age of 71, I now have a relationship with a good man who cares for me. I will use your video to try and keep this relationship steady.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

Very, very well done - as always. I love the hard truth because when you know, then you can grow. Relatable. At 37:00......for some of us, it was not "or you had" but "and you had."

[@karlatexas2375]

Thank you for this teaching.

[@NatashaLeah9]

Thank you. This helped a lot.

[@Carlaburgess]

Thank you SO MUCH for this series. I cannot express how spot on this is for me. I’m very interested in listening to/learning more about this. Thank you again

[@elinorehansson-boe7282]

Thank you Tim I so needed to listen to this episode! It's a life saver! I am frozen in need of new tools.. Your knowledge help me. ❤

[@lifewithmichaelanthony]

This has been me my entire life, especially in romantic relationships. I have had problems with addiction, and tied with this come on very strong when I develop feelings for someone. I have an anxious attachment, and usually attract avoidant type people. I ignore all the red flags, knowing they are not good for me, and try to people please and love them so hard so they love me. Eventually, all the smothering pushes them away to where they need space and the abandonment wound kicks in so hard. I become so anxious where I blow their phone up, self sabotaging and breaking their respect, and they leave me. It’s a horrible cycle.

[@livedeliciously]

I hate how ALL OF THIS applies to me. I wish I could send this to people to explain what's wrong with me.

[@foreignmolecule]

My trauma was getting salmonella at age 3 and had to stay in hospital isolated away from my parents for 6 full weeks..so this should be mentioned as many people think this is not real trauma.

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

That s herrendous...what we people think is normal

[@jakettaj.gaines573]

This was so helpful!

[@SharonSalazar-kj2yi]

Thanks for providing this valuable information.

[@10Hags5]

I have a very safe friend. I used to worry about his other friends but I have worked on it greatly.

[@DrewKidMusic]

thank you so much for this. every piece of information was so helpful.

[@lanishortsunshine5773]

Thank you for this clarity tho Tim F I feel like I have more knowledge now ..🎉

[@katec9893]

Wow. I am wondering if I've just stumbled across an answer ive been looking for for years. Every time I get into a relationship I always get what i call 'the feeling.' Its basically a feeling of doom and nausea in the pit of my stomach. It's happened with both good and bad partners. I always have to leave them otherwise I can't function due to crying daily and even vomiting. I am wondering whether it's a fear of abandonment.

[@HappyHolyHealthyLife]

You are so gifted! 🙏🏽 ❤

[@Koolfacejace1]

You are the best. I have never had so many life traps broken down so clearly.

[@LeighBeerens]

Thank you for the video just got out of a relationship and trying to change how I do things looking at how to heal this is really helpful

[@Chamisul-s5n]

I was single for most of my life and my first and only relationship ended recently. This video was so accurate in describing how the relationship started to how it ended. I knew in general I had abandonment triggers but this video helped me connect the dots. I'm devastated, but I will learn and do better.

[@ChooseTruthAlways]

Thank you for such enlightening contenr❤🌹🙏 I have a question, since we may confuse situations, because of our deep wounds, I mean trigger s , how do we distinguish triggers from our intuition in order to be able to trust our perception?

[@tshep173]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@Mikey-zn9yo]

Whew. That was heavy. I’ll be watching again after a while.

[@Youwish34]

There was conflict between my dad and mother. So when I was left in the care of my father and his family didn’t like because I looked like my mother. True story. And I didn’t see my mom since being a toddler. So only my dad’s family who didn’t like me deep down. So suffered I did.

[@AkiaPotts-f3s]

Thank you so much, Tim ❤

[@marcoschnabl]

Dear Tim, I've been following your videos for a while now and found them very accurate and helpful. I have a question for you: I have already sussed out my situation in relationship with the massive damage my parents caused in me. I've been living in rage and sadness for decades now and my question is: how can I get out of this sadness and rage for good and go back to a state of serenity? Very simple question which I haven't yet found an answer to. Thank you for your help.

[@Ali76564]

This is amazing

[@kerryfaden94]

Thanks Tim You are amazing!!

[@torasacramento4905]

I love the part about the CODY needing total attention from their partner or friend! In my case I don't need total attention as I like to be alone a lot of time to do my own thing. My only request is that the attention i DO get is not mostly negative (A list of what I did wrong today)

[@Natalia-fr5pd]

Thank You SOO much!🎉

[@rebeccaconn389]

I’m seeing that I do have abandonment issues … I never really knew that … after I got married … I remember fearing (to an extreme) that my husband would die somehow … Unfortunately, he did die unexpectedly a few years ago due to Covid … my worse fear came true …. 😢

[@jodikurtz8299]

So not only do I absolutely resonate with what you're saying, on every level and on all of your videos in regards to codependency because I am in fact I codependent. But I was adopted. So my traumatic trauma traumatic wound is a double whammy for me. The abandonment of being adopted and relinquished at birth. Because we all know my subconscious remembers this. And My adoptive mom who create a bond together

[@mysticat7652]

Thank you for this! ❤🎉

[@DeborahJoshua24]

The ones that are too afraid of abandonment to invest in the relationship… would that be the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?

[@alice-hp7dh]

Yes. For example narcissists have fear of abandonment and don't want to invest because they know that people are unpredictable ( mirroring).Dismissive. Their partners ( codependent) are also avoidant and have abandonment issues but are fearful.

[@DeborahJoshua24]

@@alice-hp7dh That means I’m avoidant? Interesting. I haven’t had the chance to test that theory with a man… and I won’t have the opportunity because I’m so old (70), but I do have great lady friends of long-duration… and I make friends easily, and some of them become close friends as well. I will ponder this.

[@alice-hp7dh]

@@DeborahJoshua24 did you wanted a relationship with a man and didn't happened or you didn't wanted from the early age?

[@DeborahJoshua24]

@@alice-hp7dh I always had boyfriends up until I married in 1981.

[@alice-hp7dh]

@@DeborahJoshua24 so you can value if you are avoidant in intimate relationships 💪

[@CrimsonWave89]

Thank you so much for this

[@retrogore420]

It’s better to be the creator of circumstance rather than the victim, but we then become the victim of our own creation.

[@Sara-x6t3s]

Ugh, its humiliating to learn that so much of this has been ME! Not all but so much...😭💔

[@marrenpink5433]

It would help more to give tips to overcome this trauma.all the same we're adults we have to geow up and face and solve our traumas we cant spend the qhole life blaming others.parents do their best according the knowledge the financial situation their health etc. After 18 years old onwards its our responsibility to heal ourselves!!!!! I suffered this and i solving it and healing it steadily and slowly.we will succeed 💪🏻💪🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️love and blessings

[@justinrobinson7954]

I am going through this right now. I’m so tired and exhausted of experiencing this way of life. I am on the verge of my second divorce and I don’t want to be on this situation. Please provide me with some insight and some assistance

[@renewthegroove]

I appreciate this information and look forward to following along with your channel. This did describe me fully from the origin to the triggers, and reactions. I really love what you had to say about recovery. How much should I include my partner in my recovery? Sometimes I feel the need to explain explain explain my origin, triggers and reactions. But this triggers me to feel fear that he will not love me because of all of this, in the beginning of our relationship I did tell him that I have this fear and that it is strong. Now three years down the road I still have not managed to heal and my triggers still get me. They still are so strong and I still have a hard time attaching to others in a healthy way.

[@bingoandtoto]

The problem is that it is also very difficult to recognize this fear, because this kind of fear hurt so deeply, and it must be too harsh for the child, so it must have been suppressed in many ways. But, I think the fear of abandonment is the core of the shame, and the core of PTSD. If you understand how painful this feeling is, and How you really felt when you were young, how scary, how sad, how lonely, how frustrated you were' It truly relieves one's soul taking him/her back to the present. I bet most people are suffering this fear inside of their mind, and they do their best to avoid this pain in unhealthy ways, for sure. It is the most critical part in life to survive.

[@Spritual-life-lessons]

Beautifully described

[@Doesitmatter-by3xb]

Tim do you ever have patient's bodies start shaking uncontrollably when they talk about their trauma? It happens to me also while doing EMDR or meditating

[@sherrynmeeth8343]

That sounds like the tremor response that animals use to release stress, deceived by Dr Peter Levine.

[@tharandtermountain]

Your trapped emotions live within the nervous system. Mind-body connection has been overlooked in culture, and were seen as separate until now, realizing that the body remembers the trauma. Check out the book "the body keeps the score", it describes a lot of the physical manifestations of trauma.

[@dan23ang]

Question- what if you got in a relationship and working on these issues? Can you still maintain the relationship while working on you?

[@Pure-Pisces]

How do u begin to have a relationship with yourself ??

[@Anayamila]

Hi! Can you please do a part 2 for more info on healing?

[@mrstoner2udude799]

Gosh guess I'll never be perfect enough to have a relationship Tim.

[@UniqueCuriousMakeupArtist]

Thank you 🙏🏻

[@Spritual-life-lessons]

Thank you ❤

[@AmeliaOdetteQ]

Thank you so much!!!

[@goodvibrations6392]

Sir god bless you !

[@coachcastle666]

Nope I have always been used and abandoned no matter what I do or change, maybe just my experience but that is what everyone does

[@hazeloldham144]

Most people are only around for a season

[@alice-hp7dh]

😢

[@fatherburning358]

Abandonment is the root of my trauma patterns and is so prevalent right down to the tiny interactions. So frustrating. It's like my healing is a total knock down rebuild. At least my progress is more rapid since becoming sober. That has been the catalyst for rapid change. The resources your sharing are priceless Sir. Changing the world one survivor at a time. 🤍🙏