Coping Mechanisms: How the Brain Takes the Wheel in Complex Trauma

[@TimFletcher]

💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.

[@user-hr7hi4ok8v]

Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!! This is exactly what happend/ happening to me. I lost everything. EVERYTHING. Entire family (every one of them), job, career, reputation, friends, myself, my dog (my world for 15 years), and everything I ever believed had value or meaning, truth, purpose or worth. World shattered and will never recover. But, have never heard anyone put my circumstances into words till now and I cried the entire time listening. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[@DeeDeeOrr]

Life changing information. Thank you for all you do for us CPTSD survivors.

[@natalie77867]

Yes, my reactions caused me hurt but it wasn't until I realised they were hurting my kids that I knew I had to stop. The reaction is very childlike, and I knew I needed to grow up. A hard road - it's still a work in progress, but watching my kids reach for me when they need soothing is worth it.

[@lealala7348]

Sendings PRAYERS for ALLLLL of us n Tim Fletcher... Very important Infos... Save my life more than once.... Thank you so much Lord for Tim... Please send HEALING for us... our Children..... and Grand Children .... Please Also send Repentance where needed. Amen.🙏🙏🙏💝💝💝🙏🙏🙏

[@covenant157]

Thank you beautiful brother this is such a much needed kind of comforting help thank you again ❤❤❤

[@PaigeSquared]

I am tired of not being taken seriously because I have big emotions. It doesn't make me any less intelligent. Just less resourced.

[@maggiesalle2256]

You are not alone.

[@nancybaumgartner6774]

@@PaigeSquared it’s important to not make big emotions other people’s problem. I’m not suggesting you do , it’s just a comment about managing big emotions.

[@clairecarlia-jones5979]

My darling 😢😢these huge emotions we exhibit aren't choices. They're wounds. Nobody knows all that youve suffered and are still suffering. Sending you love and validation ❤❤❤

[@nancybaumgartner6774]

@ the emotions aren’t choices , the corresponding actions and behaviors are . Otherwise , trauma remains in a dictatorial position - in control . Getting out of the limbic system becomes part of the recovery work .

[@PaigeSquared]

@nancybaumgartner6774 definitely! A person who doesn't understand how they could come across as intimidating or scary to others is much more at risk of dominating or crossing boundaries without recognizing it (AND less likely to be told about it!!). Especially once in adulthood; even if we feel small, it doesn't mean that we still are in our child bodies. Unbridled expression can quickly become abusive when directed at a person, even if that was not the intent. Also, some (many??) people feel obligated to shelter a person who expresses themselves in explosive ways, often will begin lying by omission if not directly, to avoid their own discomfort. The person who is present (and if they are present, lol) and their capacity to accept their own emotions definitely matters, when sharing. We do not want people to feel pressured to lie to us. I was taught that "negative" emotional expressions are never tolerated, and sent to my room to figure it out alone. I am still in the habit of isolating while experiencing my feelings, especially if it is a flooded situation. By the time I have sorted myself out and I know what I am responsible for expressing, usually a day or two later, the other person(s) seem to *really* believe that I am making things up, or that the issue really isn't as big of a deal as I am trying to tell them, because when the hurt happened, I excused myself. They don't see when I am in deep despair, because I know it isn't their responsibility to handle my emotions for me. When I try to tell someone that something was upsetting and it really hurt, suddenly, it's like my graduate degree and experiences just fell off their internal image of me. Apparently a person can't feel hurt and be smart, nevermind that intelligence is associated with depression. 😅 On the flip side, staying quiet and pretending everything is okay, comes across as not authentic, blocks connection, and others pick up on the hesitation. I didn't know that my silence allowed others to project things onto me, or that in the wrong situation, my silence might come across as sneaky. I learned to add an, "I disagree," to when I disengage and that has helped with the.....more dominating personality types.

[@Beau-Tistic]

I find it interesting what you all say about complex trauma. I recognize a lot, but I also find it remarkable that I do not recognize myself in the causes that are constantly mentioned. In my case the source of the problem lies in or around birth. My parents were very loving but probably unable to take away the pain I felt as a baby. 2.5 years of crying when I went to sleep at night and the doctors thought there was a problem in my intestines. Everything indicates that my brain has created a protection that was active until I was 40. Isolated from feelings and the outside world, few memories, not being able to connect with people, etc. I finally took the step to confront ayahuasca and from that moment on part of me felt like a baby. I mourned for years, for the first time I felt something when I looked at a friend. It's bizarre how a human life can be so disrupted. I have learned to survive but the impact continues to be felt every day. Like a stranger through life, displaced and no one recognizes my story. Your videos come closest to recognition, but it remains lonely.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Because the trauma happened in the pre-verbal state. Pain isolates you from connecting with yourself and others. Most people can't relate to trauma if they have not been through it and even if the trauma was caused by a horrible event after a certain time they will tell you to get over it because they think that time cures it all which is not true. Imagine the isolation and suffering you had to go through when you were a baby and a toddler. Be kind and patient with yourself. Remember that trauma feels like it just happened no matter if years went by. I don't know if EMDR could help you. Take care ❤

[@Sun01-mv2qx]

@@Beau-Tistic ❤️❤️❤️

[@NoPhilospher]

Can you tell me more about your experience with ayahuasca, you do microdosing???

[@KarenSharin]

Have you ever been tested to see if you are on the autism spectrum ? My 19 year old son and other's that I know are . Your story and experience makes me wonder if this could be the case for you . ❤

[@4xzx4]

I feel so listened to and heard! I feel so understood!! Thank you!

[@PeaceFan1]

This is EXACTLY What I DO..I React in a Nanosecond and then REGRET it afterwards but I can't stop myself FROM Reacting..UGH!!!

[@HappyCat1111]

I totally get it. I find for me meditation and visualization really help with the reactivity. Crappy Childhood Fairy has a daily practice that is awesome, you might wanna check it out. Good luck on your journey!

[@NoPhilospher]

Train yourself, imagine the situations, imagine you are a person who doesn't react like that, practice this by simply giving yourself time to think, just 200-400 ms, please don't stare 😂😂, i did that and it sucks

[@windy8544]

be patient and try to do better next time, eventually you figure it out

[@hazeloldham144]

Helped immensely thank you

[@lorrainew7529]

Very helpful. Thank you so much 🙏

[@fairygurl9269]

Knowing The Material is Not The Same as Skill Building ☺️

[@Merzui-kg8ds]

Did any human (ever) have parents that responded to them or their siblings in these healthy ways? I am not sure I have met a person (at least not from my generation) who had parents who provided this measure of support and kindness and patience.

[@manyblessings917]

I was just about to write the same thing. Nobody I knew had parents who did this. EVER.

[@nataliemitchell9219]

I'm that kind of parent! I didn't have that as a child. I always felt alone.

[@angierox6964]

Excellent!

[@roxy7255]

Makes me so sad why isn’t there more help for the early years 😢 our prisons in the uk are are breaking point yet all children’s centres were closed.

[@pavla2055]

As a young adult I remember when a recently met minister encounterd me in public and started speaking to me in a friendly way - I literally ran from him as he was still talking . Last thing I remember seeing was his confused face . Panic at the thought of being lied to and manipulated sent me into an instant reaction .

[@helenenorman3598]

Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪

[@Ganeden_Y]

New brain circuits/neuropathways requires increasing the number of neurons in the front part of the brain bc in complex trauma there is a dispoportion between the limbic and the front part of the brain.

[@davidlanier2290]

How does a rf lobe tbi impact recovery?

[@eim1218]

Drinky drink drink drink Drinky drink drinks 😅 That's where I'm @ on a WEDNESDAY werkn @ prep school 😮‍💨 trying hard not to crash out, cuz alcohol is volatile, but I wanna get to a place where I can control the urge to drink entirely.

[@co59720]

EFT for the win!

[@myhalowithin]

Check out: How to stop drinking alcohol permanently' By: Allen Carr best of life to you.

[@Scott-j4e]

Sounds like my life.

[@GloriaWatkins-c2u]

I dont know how intimidation spilling the coffee while making running outside to drink people are drugged crazy in here thats how i cope. If i go inside to sm bath. Guys are above all around due to layout . I can have 15 people. They stand nighly dirl flyes rm so fine your breathing.. over sexualized or ini idated no sleep. Okay god help thats me

[@siya7213]

wat is it with wives asking divorce. u cant give another example? wife is a loving creature. women generally dont leave. its the man who does. seems like u have some hidden traumas to heal !

[@proinseasnihanluain4735]

There's lots of other videos on KZbin with other examples. It seems this example is triggering for you and you are blessed to have a happy wife. All the best.