Undiagnosed autism is spending your whole life doing things that make you uncomfortable...

Undiagnosed autism is spending your whole life doing things that make you uncomfortable or that are just not "you" (conforming) to avoid being mistreated (bullied) until you're so good at it that when you finally do get diagnosed, people around you don't believe you.
I originally wrote this a while ago, but I want to talk about it for a minute because it's important.
Studies show that more than 60% of school-aged autistic children have been bullied. I even found one study where the number was as high as 95%.
This is beyond unacceptable.
Think about it...
With SO MANY autistic children being relentlessly bullied, probably because bullies see us as weak and easy targets... it only makes sense that we would do everything possible from a very young age to fit in.
For me, it looked like this...
One year, my parents sent me to a sleep away camp for 3 months. I pretty quickly became the sole target of my bunkmates. Berated, tricked, accused of stealing, mocked... all of this done relentlessly... to the point that I would cry myself to sleep most nights.
(I still have trauma to this day from that camp experience.)
I then "reinvented" myself the next year with a new group of people, so I would spare myself the mental and emotional anguish from the year before.
And then, year after year, I continued to "reinvent" myself every time I was in a new environment with new people... changing any behavior that had led to negative reactions and responses the year before.
One year, I remember actually being proud of myself for how well I was fitting in. I think I was around 15 then.
Ok, so think about this... an autistic girl who had been verbally, mentally, and emotionally bullied into fitting in.
How beyond heartbreaking is that?
And the saddest part is that this is a VERY common experience for young autistic girls. This is why for so long autism was "found" four times as much in young boys as in young girls.
And it's currently still found about 3 times more in boys than girls.
But to my original point, bullying is far too prevalent in general... but it is just unacceptably prevalent with autistic young people. Boys AND girls. We need to get the word out and contribute to a change.
I know we still have a long way to go, but we need to start somewhere.
If you're autistic and had this experience growing up... and feel comfortable sharing your story, please share it in the comments. I think it will go a long way towards shedding light on this for others.
And if you're an ally, please share this with others and help us spread the word. And thank you SO much for your support. It means the world to us.
Happy Autism Awareness Month ❤️

[@passaggioalivello]

As a level 2 autistic, undiagnosed during childhood, I can relate. Thank you.

[@francine8687]

I'm 54 and undiagnosed. I have 2 kids age 16 and 18. My boy was diagnosed age 4 and my oldest diagnosed only last year age 17. I very much resonate with your story as a lot of it was also my childhood. Thank you for sharing

[@sensorystoriesbynicole]

I'm glad this resonated with you. Thank you for letting me know ❤️

[@DillyBlue]

There was a period of time right at the end of high school when a bunch of girls I'd been friends with for four years suddenly turned on me. One of the main things they would do is mock the way that I spoke. This was back in 2010, but even as recently as a few years ago, I happened to see some comments online from two other girls I had been friends with in high school talking about the annoying way I had spoken back then. I guess they thought I wouldn't see the comments, or maybe they didn't care, or even wanted me to see them. I barely even knew what autism was until last year, so I didn't realise until very recently that the way I speak could have something to do with being a different neurotype. I've always been aware that I don't talk like most of the people around me. I used to embrace and even take a little bit of pride in this unique aspect of myself. A different friend, someone I'm still friends with to this day, used to say that she loves how I speak in a "fancy" and "old-fashioned" way, and I've never forgotten that compliment. But after getting bullied, I slowly forced myself to change my voice to sound more like the people around me. I even thought that maybe those bullies were right in saying that I was being intentionally annoying and pretentious. But I realise now that this was never true. I didn't think I was better than anybody else. I was never trying to show off or annoy people or whatever else they were accusing me of. I was only ever just being my wonderful, natural self. And now I'm in the slow, frustrating process of relearning how to be my true self after suppressing her for so long.

[@digger1989]

oh yeah, I was bullied an awful lot in the 70s and 80s, but ya know I really don't blame the kids, they are still just dumb kids and a product of the city public school system. I don't have any long lasting hatred of them. I really blame the adults who saw what was going on and didn't think I was worthwhile helping. That has really affected my whole life. Trust issues and not wanting help doing anything. They saw, or should have seen, and turned a blind eye.