UNPOPULAR OPINION | It is NOT Your Day, Your Way

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[@nicoles2159]

AGREE! People are driving hours and flying out to celebrate my husband and I. Least we can do is make sure you're comfortable, fed, and having fun. Plus, these are people we LOVE. I want them to enjoy their time.

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

We are just at the very beginning of considering wedding stuff (we've been together for 6 years, weddings are very expensive where we live) I'm with you, the drive would be far (2 hrs) for my guests, I want to make sure they have a refreshment station for when they arrive, and that it's a comfortable and fun day for them - these are all people I love, I want to share this special day with them, I don't want to be 'the star'

[@user-hs2vu8qq9z]

I think that there is a big difference between people pleasing and just being considerate of other peoples basic needs, and brides (I was personally told this when planning my wedding) and told it’s all about them and encouraged to be selfish. It’s about you, but it’s not only FOR you. If you don’t want to accommodate others, elope ❤

[@JoycexSuJu]

Just curious what would you say those basic needs are personally?

[@hannamichaela2550]

A couple years back, we attended a wedding where the ceremony started at 12, at a local church. The reception location was almost an hour drive away from the church, so by the time we got there it was probably about 130 to 145. They then had “cocktail hour” for over two hour from 2 PM to 4 PM, but they were actually running late. They ran out of appetizers about half an hour into cocktail hour, and people were so hungry that they started eating all of their desserts. Needless to say, I learned a lot of lessons that day about what I will not be doing at my own wedding lol

[@janedaws8859]

Thanks for talking about this, especially food. It's so disrespectful to invite people to a wedding and not serve them enough food.

[@melissaverdoni845]

yeah and churches need to stop making wedding at 12 , like WTF , i would refuse. when asked what time the ceremony , before supper. gives people time to eat LUNCH , put some makeup and dress.

[@courtneycamera1]

Story time: I went to a friend’s wedding and there were at least a couple hours in between the ceremony and reception. My fiancé and I proceeded to try and entertain ourselves for the time after the ceremony (while the wedding party was on a party bus) until the reception (that was at the same venue as the ceremony). I ended up getting motion sick and a bit too warm driving around before the reception. Needless to say, my fiancé and I didn’t make it to the reception. Because of this, my fiancé and I are planning on having the reception immediately following the ceremony.

[@pxssycontrol]

Renting a party bus and leaving your guests to fiddle their thumbs when it's all the the same venue is RIDICULOUS. I'm so sorry that happened to you

[@courtneycamera1]

@@pxssycontrol Unfortunately, it’s really common/the wedding standard for my local area. I was avoiding going back home or to someone else’s house before the reception, which is what everyone else did. We went to the one antique mall that was open and the drive through ice cream place, but there was nothing else to do unless we started considering a minimum 40 min round trip somewhere.

[@melissaverdoni845]

my wedding is a short ceremony and a supper and then nightlife.

[@courtneycamera1]

@@melissaverdoni845 That’s totally fair, and sounds like it will be really fun for your guests! I know most people from my hometown do that, and it really makes sense for a lot of people. Just know that some of your guests might not make it through the whole evening, which is totally up to you how you cater to your crowd. But if you want to go party, have fun! It is you and your future spouse’s wedding day after all!

[@JoyHatcher]

How did you get motion sick?

[@dorisliu8150]

100% agreed. If you don’t care about if your guests have a good time, you should just elope.

[@feychildtarot355]

Unpopular opinion you don't need as much alcohol as you think. You can limit quantities or number of hours

[@cheekybella123]

Unpopular wedding opinion - alcohol and non-alcohol options at weddings. For background, I am not a big drinker normally, but I will drink when out with friends or at home (since it's cheaper). But I have never liked the taste of wine, beer or champagne. I know these are staples of a wedding bar, and so I always find it tricky to find something to drink that I like, that won't annoy or inconvenience people. I have had one sister kindly provide ciders at her wedding, and another who provided Italian spritzes to the guests (in Italy, obvs). I never expect there to be cocktails or for someone to provide me with something to drink. If I can't get something I'll like, I'll go for a non-alcoholic option, like soft drink/soda. So I get annoyed at events that don't even have a soda option. It doesn't have to be name-brand either, I am easy when it comes to what sodas I drink, and off-brand is a very minimal expense, especially if you know most people will be drinking the alcohol you've paid for anyway.

[@Laure__Line]

Good point ! Most people will have to drive a short distance to the reception of our wedding, and none of us are heavy drinkers anyway, so we’ll also have mocktails and juices for the cocktail hour so that guests can enjoy one more glass of good wine while eating.

[@colleendeighton3524]

I went to a wedding Ata state park 2 hours out of town. They had beer, wine, and hard seltzer. The kids were stealing ice from the bar to melt and drink because there were no non-alcoholic options and the buckets at the hand washing station weren't clean either.

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

I have always said beverages are important to me - I want guests to have access to something at all times, people get thirsty! I'd like to have a nice mocktail option, but I won't get married somewhere that won't provide decent beverage options

[@kaylaballinger495]

The more I research weddings, the more I realize I don't think I'm having a wedding. I'm getting married to the love of my life with 30 of our closest family and friends. We aren't spending tens of thousands of dollars, we've been saving for years and only have a couple thousand to spend. We don't have vendors, and we may not even have a traditional wedding venue. Our focus is on the commitment we're making to one another and to God, not on people having a party on our dime. We will have a simple, homemade meal with coffee and cider around a bonfire and people are more than welcome to go home if good company and the excitement of the marriage isn't enough to keep them wanting to be with us.

[@jadedixon3641]

Yeah, this is why I'm planning to elope at a courthouse. I don't have the $ to waste on the drama and trying to make everyone happy.

[@melissabarry8995]

I refuse to go to a courthouse where there’s negative things in that building. We plan on having a wedding in the backyard with just our four kids. We was going to have more people until everyone needed to control the situation.

[@jadedixon3641]

@melissabarry8995 Yeah, I'm not a fan of going to the county courthouse, especially since I left the city where it is for a reason. But for me going out of state is not an option because that would require witnesses, I don't need them if we stay in CA. So I'm trying to find a nearby county where the courthouse doesn't bother me as much as my hometown does. Makes me wish we were in Colorado where you can self officiate. Just walk in and get your license, walk out and sign it, walk back in and say we're done and wait for your certificate to come in the mail. That's my dream wedding.

[@kaylaballinger495]

Don't get me wrong! I've always been a hopeless romantic and dreamed about a meaningful and beautiful wedding ceremony. But with my fiancé's car crapping out, and having to scrape together pennies and cents for the things we do really want to incorporate into our day, we won't ever get anywhere productive if we're also responsible for everyone we know and love. They're all adults, they can be responsible for themselves and the more of them I speak to, the more they tell me the same thing, and that I should just be focusing on what would be best for my future husband and I.

[@jadedixon3641]

@kaylaballinger495 Exactly. You don't want to go into debt to finance the wedding and then have to turn people down when they invite you on a camping trip a few months later and you can't afford $300 for the gas because you're paying off a $30k wedding. True story, friend of mine did that. I enjoyed the camping trip more than the wedding.

[@cynicalromantic]

Agree 100%! It's so refreshing to watch this because I feel like so many social media spaces about weddings have become so toxic in encouraging shockingly selfish behaviour. The marriage is for the couple. The wedding is for your family, friends, and invited guests. If you can't muster up the barest minimums of courtesy to treat the people you invite with kindness, respect, and pay attention to their comfort and enjoyment, then you should elope. It's one thing to make your own personal decisions about matters of personal taste. Enjoy a particular flavour for your wedding cake, or a colour for your decor? Sure, your day, your way. But when people use this as an excuse to treat people like dirt, it makes me wonder if they actually care about their invited guests, or if they merely view them as props. At a bare minimum: Make sure your guests are comfortable, safe, and fed. Make sure you're accommodating people's needs, whether it be mobility or small children or whatnot. And stop treating them like extras in your casting! You can pick your bridesmaids' dresses, but stop being overly controlling about what guests wear! As for other unpopular opinions: Invite couples as social units, allow single guests to bring a date unless you're having a really tiny wedding, and stop using destination weddings as a way of shifting your costs onto your guests! Also, getting married doesn't give you an excuse to act like a petty high schooler in determining your guest list. Inviting all your cousins except two because you "don't like them" is petty and is a good way to cause long-term family drama. Suck it up, be the bigger person, and make guest list decisions that take people's feelings into account.

[@TesriaT]

I mostly agree. Random plus ones can be expensive, but I think a bit of thought can be applied. Are you inviting a best friend from from college who lives 4 hours away and doesn't know anyone else there? They should get a plus one, or it might be a very boring and lonely day for them. Your three single cousins who are all siblings can keep each other company though. 😄

[@Layerslikecroissant]

This is SO TRUE. Brides on Facebook and Reddit groups are ALWAYS trying to find ways to skirt around providing their guests basic needs (food, comfortable place to sit, drinks [not just folks not wanting to serve alcohol, but folks assuming the bare minimum will be enough for the night], etc) and other brides encourage them! They say "If they really love you, they'll support any decision you make." And TBH, no. Everyone needs tough love every once in a while. Other things on my mind that you could talk about - Asking guests to wear specific colors. Obviously I don't think guests should wear white (particularly white dresses) or white adjacent, but some brides ask their guests to wear outfits from a specific color range. Sometimes it's ok, but I saw a post recently from a bride who wanted to ask guests to wear ALL BROWN so the bridesmaids could stand out. (I have the screenshots.... I was blown away). Like.... I need to buy an entirely new cocktail or formal outfit for your wedding?! That may be in a color I don't like? Your guests are NOT accessories to your day. - How should brides treat/accommodate bridesmaids/attendants/wedding party members? I want to provide my bridesmaids with as much as possible. I picked a site with affordable dresses and offered to help anyone who's in a money pinch. I picked up a second job so no one would need to pay hair and makeup - I can pay it for them! I'm not asking them to wear costumes on the bachelorette. I picked a local spot for bachelorette and found the most cost effective hotel I could, and let them know that if they're in a pinch I got them covered. They are my friends and I love them dearly - I do not want money to get in the way of people participating. On the other hand, I've known brides who have expected their bridesmaids to book flights across the country, pay for airbnb, buy and expensive dress, pay for hair and makeup, doesn't offer ANY kind of support etc.... idk. I see more and more people leaving their nearest and dearest on the hook so they can have their picture perfect day while spending as little as possible. I don't think that's fair, but that's me. Anyway, been watching since well before I got engaged!! Love your content!

[@JasmineJones-wh1tv]

As a guest I have left weddings for all the reasons given in this video.

[@aliciakathreine7003]

We had to leave a wedding 2 years ago. 90 degrees. One fan. Mostly outdoor event "Oh the breeze!" pfft no there was no movement of air. We left before dinner was even served. My husband was DRENCHED. We also had to survive a wedding with no food last year and the entire wedding party disappeared for 2 hours (NO DJ). I think I'm over weddings.

[@12Sanguine]

Excellent video. Personal story: my wedding had 7 speeches taking up one full hour in between starters and mains. It was a risk, but my wedding was very small and everybody knew everybody, and I only allocated great speakers. I took a risk and it paid off - each speech was funny, sentimental, musical, intriguing... When I asked people for feedback of the wedding months after, EVERYONE I asked said the speeches was their favourite and most memorable part. ♥️ My advice - know your guests.

[@JennyInToronto]

We aren't having any drinking or dancing at the reception. I was worried it would be boring for some, so we incorporated more interactive reception activities like Guest Bingo, and a guest book where people can write their name, a date idea, and piece of advice. I wanted to promote talking to each other and being able to have some entertainment that doesn't only revolve around my fiance and I!

[@nervousbreakdown711]

I went to a destination wedding in Scotland and it was wonderful! The castle was gorgeous and the food was immaculate and the bride and groom were great Except The bride’s cousin got super drunk and started screaming and stomping around. I went outside to avoid him…only to miss the first dance and the cake cutting. I still haven’t forgiven him.

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

Yeah that's definitely a him problem - lemme guess, he's single, angry, can't figure out why? 🙄 it sounds like a beautiful wedding though 😊

[@ClueGirl41]

I completely agree. Would love to hear your opinion on how to create/design a neuro-divergent friendly wedding and ceremony. I havnt seen many speak on this and would love your thoughts.

[@pxssycontrol]

Micro wedding for sure

[@TesriaT]

I had a friend who did have a large wedding, but managed to find a venue large enough there was a "quiet room" to go and sit in, where you could barely hear anything - even after the DJ got started it was very quiet in there. People were able to be both inside and outside the building during the evening reception too, and while you could hear the music a bit outside, it was a lot quieter and more of somewhere to sit and relax or talk to people (which is where my neurodivergent self spent most of her time!). She also provided some vegan + gluten free cupcakes for anyone who couldn't eat the main cake, and talked to her disabled and neurodiverse guests while planning the menu options. All of these things of course, cost money and/or require the weather to cooperate. Though I did go to a backyard wedding once where they also had an indoor/outdoor situation, but the music was outdoor (under a marquee thankfully, since it did rain!) and not super loud, more mingling-level, and inside was pretty much silent. That was nice. It really comes down to what you want from the wedding and what the specific needs of the guests are (or you, if you're the neurodivergent who's worried!). When it comes down to it, if your family wants an all-night rave and but thought of loud music makes you want to throw yourself into the sea, you don't have to have the party *they* want. If they're fed, watered, and physically comfortable, everything else is just down to what you want for your own wedding. No use having an evening reception run 6-11pm, and the bride or groom's overloaded or has a migraine by 6:30pm and needs to leave!

[@DramaGeek1225]

Timelines with Catholic weddings can be so tricky because you have to work around weekend Mass. I highly recommend doing a Friday evening wedding so you can go straight from church to the reception. We did this and it worked so well. About 80% of our guests were local, so there is the caveat that it might not work as well if you have a lot of guests who need to come from out of town.

[@dempsquay]

This is my favorite video of yours yet! I 100% agree with everything you said, yes your wedding is "your day" but it's so rude when couples have no regard for their guests' comfort.

[@ashleydericco]

also another unpopular wedding opinion: bridal showers and bachlorette trips are unnecessary. Some brides make the time before the wedding so much about themselves instead of focusing on the fact that it is about the couple getting married. Couples (more so the brides) focus on the wrong things instead of preparing for marriage.

[@lar-in-a-crisis]

11:41 oh my heck I had a visceral reaction when you mentioned Bruno Mars for reception music 🤢

[@26Sundrops]

Ugh I'm worried that despite spending 50k on the wedding and having a fully catered meal plus apps and everything still won't be enough. I'm not good at party planning! I don't know how to keep people entertained if they don't like dancing lol

[@lifesabirchcrafts5144]

I'm going to put decks of cards on my tables for people who don't like dancing. We're pretty casual group and it'll give our friends something to do with their hands while they talk to the people around them

[@lingodelfo5415]

I agree, but this is why I'm so afraid to have a wedding or a party of any kind actually. I feel like I just can't throw good entertainment, first and foremost. My introverted friends for sure won't dance, and my music taste is constantly being called weird, so I wouldn't even dare to play it, but I also wouldn't want to have the music I don't like

[@leilasimon2057]

A friend of mine had a games corner where people could just chill with different board and card games and it was great. Do what works for you and your friends, not what the world expects a wedding to be!

[@12Sanguine]

She has done a video for non-dancing weddings you might find helpful. 😊

[@allisonglad5173]

I loved this video and totally agree! Just becasue "its your special day" doesn't give you a hall pass to be a jerk to the friends and family you supposedly care the most about

[@Tina2tu]

I agree. We want them to feel safe, get fed and have fun within our budget!

[@hannahgresham1318]

I'm team Hybrid Weddings! Have your ceremony on one day and your reception on another day. We were planning on doing our ceremony with brunch for just our out of town family/friends one week and planning a dance party a week later for everyone else that are locals. We don't live near a lot of our family members so it works out for us to split the up. Not to mention the savings! That way the "reception" can be casual and our day can be low key and intentional. Having both on the same day is A LOT and it wouldn't be enjoyable to do it all on the same day for us. Being more intentional about spending time with family and slowing down the ceremony and brunch day is the priority over a raging party. The raging party can be later after I've recovered and got my sneak peak photos back from the photographer. 😂

[@juliet5413]

We’re doing a hybrid wedding! Destination wedding portion in New Orleans with 15 loved ones, then a nice catered party at a venue back home near us with 100 people 2.5 months later! The wedding is a quick ceremony followed by a three course meal, party will be a buffet with Spotify (no dj), a projector showing our ceremony highlights, a cheap photographer, & games. So happy about our plan.

[@StrongopinionsRus]

Here’s another one-too loud music. I left my brothers wedding because the music was PAINFULLY loud. There was nowhere to go to escape it and I was quite literally in pain. They also had a three hour gap between ceremony and reception with absolutely nothing planned in the interim.

[@wendyread1183]

LOLOL Love the intro. Extremely timely video for us!

[@triffgrl]

OMG! My sister had her wedding outside a week before Christmas and the ceremony started at sunset… her and her husband were upset at us because we didn’t stay the whole night. IT WAS COLD and I am sorry but those heater things only reach the top of my head if I am standing. I don’t feel thing if I’m sitting at a table. And if there’s no tent to hold in the heat what’s even the point? She told us it wasn’t that cold that we were being selfish. Lol

[@gracestock2242]

Thank you so much 💓 some hard truths but good to know as I know my family and friends time is precious xxx

[@mariawardell7844]

I agree completely. I've been planning our wedding with the guests in mind to an extent. As for the alcohol comment below, we attended a dry wedding 3 years ago (2020 or 2021). We knew and expected it to be dry since the groom is a recovering alcoholic. The part that put the damper on their party was that we were outside in a park pavilion with a sudden thunderstorm and tornado sirens (a tornado did actually touch down along the 15min path between our house and the venue). I appreciate alcohol at a wedding, but if I know that the couple does not drink, we won't expect alcohol.

[@user-zz7be5ld3g]

Basic needs? Restrooms. Have enough toilets. Rent porta potties and sink stations if you have to but is the most basic of basic needs. Outdoor weddings without enough toilets are the worst.

[@NancyRamirez-mb9ul]

Just wanted to tell u that your videos have been very very helpful. We're in Mexico and here wedding culture is a lot different but with your help I could make a mix of cultures I really liked. 😊 I'm also watching all your videos because your personality is just ... so fun ... xD Love the way you express yourself 😊

[@TheHydred]

I love watching your videos not only for the invaluable information but for making an event that seems so serious nice, ight and hilarious! Thank you for contributing to my lowered blood pressure and angst.

[@andreaorbzy31]

looooove this, serve up your knowledge girl PREACHHHHH

[@elizabethdankert1]

While planning my wedding I made sure that we had apps, dinner, dessert, and salty snacks during the night. We also have a magician for our cocktail hour, we also made sure to go with a DJ that is very highly reviewed. I still feel like they will be bored and leave early though. We don't have a lot more money to work with, so what should we do? I need the communities opinions! The cocktail hour is at 5 and the reception ends at 11. And no, we arent doing toasts.

[@Laure__Line]

You can try wedding games. It’s a French tradition, so you can find many of these on French wedding blogs. All these games are free or DIY. Huge escape-games are all the rage at the moment, but there are much simpler traditional games that will feel new and original to your guests. You’ll find them all on French wedding blogs. Every game is organised by one or several members if the wedding party that will explain the rules to all the guests when starting the game. Here are a few examples : - « He does / she does » : the newlyweds sit on chairs facing the guests and hold little signs with « he does » on one side and « she does »on the other. One person of the weeding party asks them questions and they use the sign to answer : « Who does the dishes at home ? » « Who cleans the most ? » « Who is the more romantic ? » « Who parties the most ? » or any dumb question of their liking. - Reverse « he does / she does » : you guide the guests one sign per table/person and let them guess the right answer - The wedding horse car : somebody selects guests and give them a role (horses, driver, wheels, etc.) and places them accordingly (you can put up some chairs since guests who don’t know the game won’t know where to go). Then this person reads a silly story aloud about all the imaginary problems this car had on the road to the reception. Every time one of the « items » is mentioned in the story (« the front left wheel broke » or all wheels were stuck »), the corresponding « actor » has to make a specific gesture. The point is to make them all move a lot during the story and it’s very funny to act and see. - The twelve months : 12 guests are selected and have to sit on 12 chairs in front of the party. A little story introduces the need for them to quickly find an item (« The groom lost his watch and needs one as a replacement », « the bride would like one more spoon for her dessert », etc.) and all participants have to run around to find the item (go ask a guest for his watch, for example). When they come back, one chair is missing : the last standing is the “loser” and has to do something small for the newlyweds which is announced by the game organiser (for example : on the first time, “send a postcard on [fill in the month after the wedding]”, on the second time “treat the newlyweds to a beer on [fill in the second month]”, etc.).

[@Laure__Line]

Sorry for the super long post with typos (I’m typing on a phone). These games are usually played in between dishes and the catering team needs to be informed beforehand so that it doesn’t disturb the flow of the service. Each game lasts about 5 to 15 minutes.

[@LauraSwenzinski]

I’d suggest having a quiet, comfortable area where people can get away from the music and noise and converse. Many guests will be seeing each other for the first time in months or years, they’ll appreciate the chance to be able to visit and catch up without shouting. Setting up the area should cost little to 0$

[@ericasanders4163]

Consider adding a photo booth (or backdrop) with props. This was a big hit at our reception!

[@Ineedtruth1]

I went to a wedding once where idek what was going on but it was a solid 4 hour wait for the bride and groom at the reception venue before the reception started and it suuuucked so I knew that’s not what I wanted at my wedding… When my wedding day came, we were about a half hour late to start the reception because one of our groomsmen was at his hotel room puking and I was constantly asking if my guests were bored. Thankfully, they were all having a good time (reportedly).

[@tarab6607]

Which video in the description is about not having dancing at your wedding? That's the one I need! 😅

[@Laure__Line]

My fiancé and I don’t like wedding dances, so we are going for a singing party. 2 or 3 books of lyrics per table, my brother as the party « DJ » to make everyone sing, and voila. Some part of the guests will be used to singing parties already (it’s a national tradition but not everyone does it) and will be sprinkled around every table so that we don’t end up with a table of non-singers. We might use a playlist of traditional songs as a back-up plan but I’m not sure about this yet.

[@marktymm9623]

This is exactly what I came looking for! C’mon Jamie, the one time I really wanted your curated resource in the moment (instead of just pinning it for later) and it’s not there? (PS love your stuff; keep it coming! ❤️)

[@lisak7380]

Search Jamie Wolfer wedding entertainment

[@krystlereese2543]

Buuuuut I can dance to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus!!!! Lol that wedding sounds like one I would have had a BLAST at!

[@stringlightdoggy]

right like when she said that i started singing and dancing one of their songs LOL

[@Februarlig]

We eloped because I didn't want to have to think about other peoples needs on that special day. I hope to throw a wedding celebration in the future, where it is our version of a fun time with less pressure :)

[@midnightmave]

Second the temperature part! We didn't realize until it was too late that the building manager didn't turn the AC on until the morning of our wedding. It was an 85° day and we were in a historical home for our reception so it was HOT and people started leaving early 😅

[@lizRomrell]

FOOD. Omg. This is a huge thing in Utah/ most LDS (Mormon) weddings. There is no food. Desserts and cake only. This is a known thing. People know to eat a meal before going to a wedding reception.

[@QueenBCheese]

YESSSSSS LES GO JAMIE, YOU TELL ‘EM!!!!!🥰❤️

[@DD-nn7vk]

You’re absolutely adorable! I love your humor and videos!!

[@duck28461]

I wish you had addressed this before Covid. My daughter had a small wedding of 25 people during covid. This was her second marriage. My husband, mother, and I drove 3 hours with all the decor and food for this wedding. We all stayed in a large house with many bedrooms the night before. She, her groom, and the bridal party were up drinking and partying all night long. We didn't sleep because of the noise. The next day, my husband and I had to set up everything at the wedding spot, start cooking, and get the house ready for the reception. This was during covid. There were no venues available. My daughter and her friends started drinking in the afternoon before the ceremony. She was late for her ceremony because she couldn't find her bouquet. Before leaving for the ceremony, I told her where it was. During pictures, my husband and I returned to the rental to set up the food. When she and the groom returned, she couldn't bustle her dress and threw a fit. By this time, it is now 9 pm, and no one had eaten. When I mentioned that we needed to eat, she threw another fit and said that it was her wedding and people would eat when she said. I lost it. I immediately started packing my things! Everything was mine... plates, decor, food, serving pieces! I brought it all! I couldn't believe she said what she said! I didn't eat, see the cake cutting, or first dances. I packed for home!

[@melissaverdoni845]

wow , just wow. thats crappy.

[@kts8900]

Re: Intercultural weddings. I attended a jewish wedding with many non-jewish attendees. They made a custom program with adorable personalized cartoons to take us through the ceremony. It was delightful and I felt like I could really appreciate their devotional gestures.

[@megaamold9597]

1000% agreed!

[@kate-bw6ds]

OMG thank you so much for your tips on the ceremony in two languages. We're doing it and there's barely any info on this

[@lilijimenez3629]

Love this!

[@picklepirate]

The Art of Gathering is an awesome book in this topic

[@Elphaboy]

Ooo went to a family wedding once where the ENTIRE bridal party of 6 women all gave a speech and each one of them consisted of how they all thought the groom was a D-bag till “they got to know him and now we him!”🙄🙄🙄 it took im not kidding the full time allotted for dinner. It was a buffet and I’m not exaggerating when I say the line for seconds not only was long and fussy but loud with its own conversations. Ooo Oo and then the bride and her father danced to let me be your wings from the animated thumblina… like pretty song and all but its ummmm for 2 young lovers who just became smittened with each other… it was an odd moment to say the least. Even if you’ve never heard of that movie it was a strange set of lyrics for a father and daughter to face to.

[@kimmiebraunthal4874]

I was almost positive that the Minnie/Mickey story was actually the couple chose to spend the money on a PRIVATE meal the next day with Minnie and Mickey, so the reception guests didn't even experience the characters.

[@christinac2792]

Right about all of these

[@musicalnomad8]

Gladiator and Pirates of the Caribbean movie quotes… Nice!

[@mariannefuerst5838]

Thank you. How do you feel about the gaps betweeen ceremony and cocktail hour/reception? It is common here for the church ceremony to be at 1 or 2pm, and then the reception at another venue to be starting at 5 or 6pm. *the reason is for the bridal party to go get pictures at a third location, or for more time for set up at the reception. I feel like that puts a burden on guests who have no where to hang out. There are only so many things you can find to do when you're in wedding clothes and it makes to the day go on for so long in uncomfortable, dressy clothes.

[@rachelkrumenauer531]

That was the norm in my hometown for years. The wedding would be at the church at 1 or 2, and the reception hall would be out in the middle of nowhere. The hall would be open, but dinner wouldn't start until 6, and there would be no apps with a cash bar. The bridal party would have pictures done and go bar hopping. And then with 300 plus guests, you waited forever to get to the buffet. Those kinds of weddings are a special kind of hell.

[@simonneslezak4540]

The cha cha slide is always played !! And i hate it haha

[@eastcoastbroccolilover4745]

Whats your opinion on lawn games for a summer wedding?

[@eastcoastbroccolilover4745]

i found it in another video- she said skip it especially if you have to buy it yourself lol

[@jacylnjaggar1274]

Given the popularity of the unpopular opinions on the Instagram I can't wait to see some of those takes here

[@wendyfitness7085]

I feel like it's hard when you and your partner's families are spread out. Most of my husband's family is in the Michigan/Rhode Island/Virginia Virginia areas, while most of mine are in Texas/Arkansas areas. Not to mention, some of our close friends are spread out. 😵‍💫 My husband and I plan on having it in VA. When we go back to TX to visit my family, I generally only tell a few people anyway.

[@lalaland9246]

If u allow children at ur wedding, make sure they are entertained too and have kid friendly food options.

[@jadedixon3641]

A wedding I had to go to when I was a kid was at a community center type deal with a park nearby. It seemed to work well, kids sat outside with our parents for 20 minutes for the ceremony that had no amplifed sound so we had no idea what was going on, but after that we got to play in the park until our parents came to get us to go eat and dance. If we got bored with the dancing then we went back to the park.

[@AndrielleHillis]

Amen! And if you're going to have children IN the ceremony, appoint someone to keep them entertained and make sure they are sitting close to an exit so the person looking after them can take them out if need be. Also assume that the child has an attention span of one minute for ever year of live (i.e. a 7yo has a 7-minute attention span).

[@AndrielleHillis]

@@jadedixon3641 That sounds so great!

[@user-no9by1dq8y]

Unpopular opinion a fake exit encourages people to leave early (I saw this happen at a wedding I went to and people left because they literally thought it was over or felt like they had no reason to stay after that) another one is that planned pictures should take place during cocktail hour and should be organized a head of time so it doesn’t take to long no one comes to a wedding to wait 2 and a half hours for you to take your pictures while everybody is starving…. Another one is the bride and groom don’t have to eat in the same room as everyone they can have a private dinner and come out after (I say this because for some people it’s a lot of pressure on how they are eating or how much also it gives time for the couple to reflect on the fact they just got married before they have to socialize the whole night. lol I realized you opened a can of worms no cake smashing in faces or on clothes is another one for obvious reasons

[@midcenturygail]

My family attended a huge wedding reception a few years ago and even my children (in their mid-30s) were disappointed by the lack of variety in the music. After about 45 minutes of, “do you recognize that song?”, we gave up and sneaked out. Worst wedding reception, ever.

[@maryannedelaney]

Every thing you have said is true.

[@colleendeighton3524]

1) there will be no music from "The weekend" at my reception if I have to write it into the contract. 2) my unpopular option: why do we always have to do floral? I want to decorate like a high school prom. Under the sea, or Northern Lights. Paris at night or The Roaring 20's.

[@feychildtarot355]

At what temp do you recommend fans? Were having a wedding at a friend's property in Ohio in late June. I'm expecting/hoping for 70s or 80s and mid 60s later at night but when we toured a venue on our date last year it was 60⁰. What about when it gets dark?

[@ashleydericco]

I would love to hear you speak on toxic wedding culture in regards to how some bride's can be selfish and entitled, especially to their bridesmaids.

[@charlottem8518]

Yes, short speeches. But what do you do when you have an easily offended dad who paid for your wedding and loves to talk for ages? 😭

[@brendacervantes703]

Do you have any advice on yacht weddings?

[@annak9281]

Honestly I'm fine with the fact that some guests will be bored at my wedding ceremony. I and my partner come from different countries, and while we know a bit of each others native language, we mainly speak English with each other. So of course our ceremony will be in English and there will be guests that don't understand. Having the ceremony translated to both of our language just is too much and not even possible for my language (there are no speakers here for such a small language). I think adults should be able to handle boredom for 20 minutes. God knows how many weddings, baptisms and birthday parties I have gone to where I have had no idea what is going on. There is the rest of the day for people to have a good time (we don't even plan to have speeches because of this issue) so I think it's in my right to have my dream ceremony without worrying about entertaining all the guests.

[@francescamarino6565]

The thing that we’re doing that is unpopular (more so for the older generations) is no speeches at all. Every time I go to a wedding it’s super awkward to hear all these inside jokes no one understands for 30 minutes when I’m hungry . Plus all of our wedding party are introverted people and this is also a big day for them and we don’t want them full of anxiety all day for a small moment of the wedding no one will remember except us. We know they love us which is why they are a part of our wedding party. Plus that gives more dancing time and that’s most important to us!

[@movi3srock]

What do you think about speeches between courses? I told all my toast givers to be between 2-3 min

[@PartsUnknownn]

The $3000 DJ can entertain my wedding guests. Thats what he gets paid for. Not even 50% of the invited guests are attending. If it were up to me I would have never done this. There’s gonna be an expensive DJ to figure out what to play, cause I no longer care, and a beer pong table and corn hole. And lots of Booze.

[@camilleybanez4614]

Currently having this dilemma. Are the bride and groom responsible for providing car service for drunk guests and need a ride back to their hotel? What’s the line between “you’re an adult and decide on a DD beforehand” and being compassionate and care for your guests’ experience?

[@nicoles2159]

If the venue is in a VERY remote location (like zero signal, far from town, especially with a windy road), I think yes. Otherwise, they are adults and can easily plan ahead (DD, rideshare, taxi, etc.)

[@robinluettke47]

I think you, your venue,bar staff can be held responsible if there is an accident.

[@cheekybella123]

If the reception isn't close to the hotel, especially if the hotel is for most if not all the guests to stay in, then a shuttle bus option with scheduled times to leave the reception would help guests who want or need to leave.

[@user-hs2vu8qq9z]

@@cheekybella123agree! Then at least the drop point is more central and those that need to Uber/taxi won’t have to spend too much

[@mcalvo7925]

Unpopular Opinion: Dogs don't belong at your wedding. I get you love your dog but frankly, that dog dgaf that today is your wedding day. I see so many videos of dogs ruining photos, ceremonies, first dances, etc, because they're just being a dog. People seem to think it's so cute but all I can think is 'omg that's so distracting that your 65lb dog just ran up to you while you were mid ceremony and jumped up on you.' It's just not cute and not fair to whatever human is dealing with that dog all day. I'm a dog person, I get it, but leave your dog at home. There's so many more creative ways to incorporate your pets into your wedding day without them needing to be physically there.

[@Fluffycara]

My unpopular opinion: it's fine if the couple getting married is trying to break even or make money with their wedding. Now it comes with caveats, like they shouldn't sacrifice guest enjoyment to prioritize greed. And it doesn't mean a couple should be entitled to people's money. But weddings don't have to cost $50k to be enjoyable. If you have generous family members it's possible to have a nice wedding and not break the bank. In many cultures it is expected that the couple make money or break even. The view that gift giving at weddings should be gotten rid of is a very western view. For many people and cultures weddings are fundraisers for the new family AND THATS FINE.

[@Fluffycara]

Yea, the assets made from a wedding can also come from gifts too. I do think it's tacky to ask for gifts with gift receipts so they can be returned for cash. I also think there should be a variety of reasonably priced gifts. Not everything over $100. Right now weddings are just to show off how much wealth a family has. I'm not a fan of the showboating aspect of it. I like the idea of a community gathering together to provide resources for a new family starting. So many cultures do that but I hear so many people from Western cultures ( mostly US,Canada, Britain) say it's wrong and if you think like that.

[@Fluffycara]

To be clear, I grew up in America and my family is white(Italian/Irish). So my family's views on weddings are traditionally western. Unlike the rest of my family, I'm not religious and I personally dislike a lot of the strict gender roles required in weddings. ( Don't get me wrong I love other people's weddings. I love the celebration of love and the drama). If I didn't have a family I know would be generous for my wedding, I wouldn't even think about my own. I also have a boyfriend who is half-chinese and totally on board with my views. It is definitely a thing in his culture that a couple breaks even or makes money with their wedding.

[@lilianathehistorian2919]

Question: is a 30-40 min drive from ceremony to reception far (20 miles away, but the route can be prone to traffic)? I’ve been browsing venues and the one I’m considering is a bit far from where the reception would be held

[@stxrryd]

if you don't think that your wedding is about other people, why are you inviting them?

[@minnie9649]

This was such a highly necessary unpopular opinion

[@dianegra49]

I went to a wedding and it was almost all catered to the groom side of the family and his culture which was I want to say I think he was from India I don't know all I know is it had nothing of the Bride culture the food was way too spicy, it was the one time that on the way home mom won't take me home and had to stop any fast food restaurant for me to get something to eat, make a turkey but it wasn't regular turkey it had to have some spice to it, there was not one food item from her polish heritage, I'm sure I wasn't the only person who can eat over spicy food. The desert was the only thing that was not spicy. I love weddings usually but that one not so much I had such high expectations for it too because the woman it was getting married was my old babysitter, I thought I would have a wonderful time at wedding.

[@frannydent9044]

Don't be a people pleaser. Full stop.

[@nicoles2159]

Of course, your wedding should be everything you want! But you have to accept the consequences of your choices without complaint. Destination wedding? A lot of people will not come. Missing basic amenities like food? People will leave early.

[@hieronymusboschful]

I disagree with the idea of ‘entertaining’ guests. A wedding might be an event, but it’s not a show. And 90% of DJs suck. I truly believe that the incredible ones are worth it, but the rest of them are not worth a damn.

[@kathryneprickett2083]

If you are vegan, you better have a meat option. I'm not eating grass and berries because it's your wedding.

[@jef2247]

There are so many foods that are vegan and no one complains about! The idea that vegan food is rabbit food is a huge misconception. Bruschetta, pasta, curry, soups, who doesn’t like potatoes? There’s plenty of great vegan sausages these days you could serve with a delish mashed potato, gravy, and sides. Vegan couples just aren’t gonna have a meat option. Paying for meat goes against vegan values, even if it’s for other people.

[@jadedixon3641]

Yeah, as someone who thrives on meat I am probably not going to want to eat the vegan option unless it's an avocado. I know what pasta makes me feel like for the next 24 hours.