What Happened to Cryptoland?

[@koenvandamme6901]

Referring to Wolf of Wall Street while trying to convince people that your project isn't a scam is f'cking WILD.

[@aethertoast4320]

That is how cryptobros work. They always reference the Wolf of Wall Street while saying that they're not evil scammers. It is hilarious in a sad way.

[@NeutralDrow]

Same with all the arcade games referring to ponzi schemes and scammers like Bernie Madoff.

[@KudosREAL]

Wolf of Wall Street AND Jurassic Park, two very aspirational movies

[@ornerylurker8296]

The problem stems from the fact that the kind of people who like this crap in the first place are almost required to be the exact kind of person whose take away from that movie is the opposite of what was intended. In other words they’re a bunch of uppity beggars trying to keep up with the joneses who worship the idea of money so much they don’t have the time to learn how to be rich.

[@YoshimitsuMishima]

That's the crypto equivalent of "inventors" comparing themselves to Steve Jobs or Elon Musk to sell their pricey paperweight

[@endymallorn]

Just a reminder: Cryptoland could not have had a casino, since gambling is illegal in Fiji.

[@mikoto7693]

I remember learning about that back when they were new and NFTs were all the rage. I’m so glad it was just a fad.

[@ZKP314]

Crypto Bros: We can offer you untold riches. Fiji: We get featured in an *actual* American Game show. We don’t need you.

[@-tera-3345]

I remember them pitching it as if it would be a kind of entirely autonomous, extraterritorial island that they could make their own laws for once they bought it. And Fiji was like "no, that's not how that works."

[@Benjamin1986980]

When you were dealing with something so far behind the realm of possibility on every single level, little things like it being illegal just aren't important

[@TorIverWilhelmsen]

@@Benjamin1986980 Also, "code is law" until they go to physical jail.

[@greenredblue]

It's really distracting how apparently _every_ reference is a "joke" about a red flag. "His name is Conny, get it? Because it's _not_ a con!" "It's a pyramid, get it? Because it's _not_ a pyramid scheme!" "We have statues of famous fraudsters. Get it? Because we're _not_ frauds!" "We did a cover of Prince Ali, the song where Aladdin the thief is trying to con the sultan and Jasmine. Did we mention we're not cons?" Like, at some point the really overt denial transcends Tim and Eric sketch and just makes me wonder about the self esteem and psychological health of the creator.

[@omegahaxors9-11]

My favorite observation from Mildred "Have you noticed how, this might just be the lighting but did you notice how his hair looks significantly whiter whenever the girl is in the shot?"

[@ZKP314]

“Aw Man. All these Red Flags are making it hard for me to see this awesome deal.” -Terrible Writing Advice, “Avoiding Scams” episode.

[@SpaceManRD]

The writers and animators they hired were 100% jerking them around, and nobody noticed because cryptobros were all grown in vats.

[@yrobtsvt]

I don't think this is a prank by the writers, I think they genuinely lack the self awareness to realize their entire culture is about being seen as scammers

[@Anon_Spartan]

I'm convinced that the video was made by an independent animator who did this as a joke under the cryptoland people's noses, but they didn't realize and just paid up.

[@SoundQuester]

This better not convince youtube I like videos with crypto in the title

[@JosephHPaine]

Lol please God no

[@KudosREAL]

My recommended videos to a hit for you guys, I hope you appreciate that

[@RoscoeWasHere]

The first ad I saw was for crypto..

[@hilariousskullnamedcatzo647]

I just got an ad for crypto as I read this 💀

[@mickomoo]

Lol I'd be fine with it if they're takedowns like this.

[@jackdawjohnson7436]

That coin looks so evil and the actual actions he undertakes does nothing to soothe the idea that one person a week must be sacrificed to the island gods for Crypto to go to the moon

[@Hambrack]

That would probably be more financially secure than actual crypto, and with less environmental impact.

[@Hiswf_]

King Die's long lost brother Connie the -Crypto Scammer- Coin

[@svnhddbst8968]

depending on interpretation, it's a lot more than 1 person per week being sacrificed so the early buyers get pyramid schemed to wealth

[@samwilde8311]

I would watch the movie

[@agentepolaris4914]

The coin looks like a certain stereotype about a certain group of people

[@ectothermic]

This is the one crypto project I wish would've succeeded. Can you imagine all these dorks suddenly having to fight for survival throwing flash drives around?

[@bkaneshiro14]

God id watch 3 seasons of that if it was turned into a Netflix original

[@ThePopo543]

I'd pay good money to see that. Cash of course, not fake nonexistent virtual money and ugly monkey pictures.

[@Gothic7876]

It would be amusing. Leave them for a few months and then come back to discover how they have developed into a Tribal Society.

[@qwellen7521]

Tragic this never happened. Would’ve made a great watch as it collapsed into a Bioshock like dystopia.

[@NeutralDrow]

I just wondered what the Little Sisters would be in that scenario. That was a mistake. 🤢

[@sixstringedthing]

Agree, but I'm thinking it would be less like Golden Era Randian Dystopia and more like that wild "social experiment" reality TV show which had one team literally living in a cave and the other team in custom -built luxury accomodation.

[@ornerylurker8296]

Bold of you to assume that it wasn’t intended to start off that way.

[@Jorgec224]

When a hungry shark eats the sea fiber cable

[@jampine8268]

When it was announced, I thought that maybe punting all the cyrpto bros to a single island would improve the world. Especially if maybe someone also used the island to test a nuke. Probably would do less environmental damage than letting them run their mining rigs.

[@wse11]

19:00 the irony of parodying the song from Aladdin where he's pretending to be rich is not lost on me

[@MrRasta3600]

It's honestly hilarious. They could have picked any other song and they chose that one.

[@trouty606]

Paraphrasing a joke I heard from the channel Thought Slime, instead of "You Never Had a Friend Like Me" it's just "You Never Had a Friend".

[@MegaManXPoweredUp]

I think it's the same logic as scam e-mails. Anybody paying attention or making fun of it is too smart to be the target. Stupid people and those who are all-in on it will either not catch any of the red flags, or they will willfully ignore them.

[@mr.timusproductions116]

It also does NOT help that it ends in a minor chord which- Just makes it sound sinister- I swear it feels like there were people actively working AGAINST the whole Cryptoland project involved in its creation and that is honestly rather funny to me

[@dartz005]

Not to mention that they were so lazy with their editing on that song, that you can clearly still hear the "Prince Ali" part at the end of the original song. You know you're dealing with "the next big thing", when they can't be bothered to put in more then the most minimal amount of effort, to hide their laziness.

[@botionsar329]

Crypto bros going through their Tumblr High School phase

[@arlaratman862]

oh god I just remembered the fandom collage where you would learn things like fanfic writing and stay in rooms themed to your interest

[@malkavcandy]

literally lmao

[@phrok]

They even had ball... Sorry, coin pit!

[@catg4343]

no but seriously imagine it: you're seeing the bored ape yacht club on a concert. everyone is having a great time. the apes seem a little excited. "we have a surprise for you guys" the jimmy fallen ape says. all of a sudden doge comes out and starts barking. when doge gets to the chorus, someone else starts talking... "to the moon!" lights flash everywhere, and you see the bored apes barking along with doge, while that one weird crypto themed jpop group is singing. everyone in the crowd is going wild and crying. then if things couldnt get any better, connie and the cryptoland guy walk on stage and kiss, holding the gay flag

[@angelsnaiilz]

OMG STOPP

[@doingitwron]

Why was the server looking at him with such disdain? He's a server in Cryptoland. $50 says that staff accommodations aren't even mentioned in the design documents

[@futonrevolution7671]

iirc, all staff were going to be housed off-island with daily flights for their commute.

[@Ordoscc]

​@@futonrevolution7671Daily flights HAHAHAHA! That was going to cost so much.

[@adamledrew4489]

@@futonrevolution7671 Nah, gonna be one of them ancient slave ships that have a drummer to keep the rowing in-step. Employees gotta row to work each day.

[@IsoMacintosh]

@@Ordosccsmall cost to not live near the peasants XD

[@mfbfreak]

@@futonrevolution7671 Where they'll be housed in a 2nd hand, re-used Plattenbau bought from a worker from the former east-german housing ministry because it was 'such a good deal'.

[@alwayslate1336]

The house interior looks like something you designed in The Sims as a child, confirming these people are still children.

[@surnis9043]

Their mental maturity is not more than enough ;)

[@LinksBetweenDrinks]

Well, they certainly were very interested in having children on their island.

[@WarFoxThunder]

Lmao fr

[@WarFoxThunder]

​@@LinksBetweenDrinks OH NO

[@Libertaro-i2u]

It was to be a pedo paradise in all likelihood.

[@CobraDBlade]

Twit user: "What will be the age of consent in Cryptoland?" CL Cryptobro: "Consent?"

[@UriGerhard]

If you really wanted to own your bodily autonomy you should've had it on the blockchain

[@alyl603]

@@UriGerhardpretty sure despite all their crying about nft ownership they'd just rightclick your minted consent jpg.

[@solouno2280]

Joke is they're all virgins

[@ZKP314]

Dennis Prager here, God has told me that the age of consent is too high. -Max0r’s Ultrakill Incorrect Summary

[@catscanhavelittleasalami]

CL Cryptobro: "age?"

[@philtrauferson]

The pinball machine is Iron Maiden btw. They just stole the promotional footage from Stern.

[@tiyenin]

Also, the end of the song he credits as Hercules is Prince Ali (Aladdin).

[@tiyenin]

Aaand Super Mario Brothers 1 in the pinball machine.

[@MarquisLeary34]

What?! How did Maiden's lawyers NOT sue them into poverty?! IM's legal team are among the most bloodthirsty and protective in the music industry I thought....

[@George83_Thomas]

And no one is surprised

[@MarquisLeary34]

@@George83_Thomas They're lucky neither Nintendo nor Iron Maiden's legal attack dogs have seen this. Both company's are known for bloodthirsty lawyers.

[@dr.archaeopteryx5512]

Why not come to Cryptoland? We have - Rat Poison - [The Rest of this comment was redacted by the Federal Bureau of Investigations]

[@drakkenmensch]

We keep sending a new batch of crypto bros every week to keep the Battle Royale theme going. "Oh by the way there was no new food brought in. Talk to the people already here, they'll explain it all if they don't kill you first."

[@ABuffWizard]

Very avant-garde of them to make every aspect of the Cryptoland pitch as repulsive as fucking possible.

[@koenvandamme6901]

I swear to God, the ad made my fight-or-flight response kick in several times.

[@WarFoxThunder]

LOL FR

[@zenkozenko4989]

The whole line of like "I'm a crypto degen with a crush for crypto kiddies(?)" is such a horrible, fucking line to start on like holy fuck.

[@GHOSTWRITERL]

@@zenkozenko4989 I mean... aren't these the same people that said age of consent on their magical crypto island would be "up to those participating" or something?

[@nahuelkid]

​@@GHOSTWRITERLThey said smth like "mental maturity is enough" so not far off.

[@Kimthulu]

The love interest was the least realistic part of cryptoland. Especially considering a proposed crypto dating site shut down due to it being a complete sausage party with hardly any women signed up.

[@autobotstarscream765]

The waiter serving rat poison is a cuter anime girl than the bug-eyed alien girlfriend, so crypto Grindr could work... 😂

[@Random_Guy_20xx]

If no women sign up for a dating site. just rework It to a gay site. There you go.

[@Totalcryptid]

@@Random_Guy_20xx im sure theyd do that if most cryptobros werent violently homophobic :(

[@filmandfirearms]

That didn't happen, it was just a meme. Still accurate to what could have happened

[@calamityradio]

​​@@filmandfirearmsIirc something like that actually did happen years ago, only instead of a dating site for cryptobros it was a dating site for bronies. Which...also isn't a surprise.

[@Aarpollyon]

The coin being called Conny is wack, I'd have gone with Scammy or RugPully

[@DanielWitzer]

Or satan...That would be more honest

[@scottydu81]

The Bamboozler

[@xzenitramx666]

​@@DanielWitzerthe deciever

[@sonicfanboy3375]

​@@DanielWitzerOr Mammon since he's the demon of Greed

[@mrosskne]

Schlomo

[@toolittletoolate]

The bird wasn't on sale, That's just what it says when something isn't available to be downloaded anymore even if it was free. It was free to use under the condition it wasn't used in a commercial product.

[@KudosREAL]

That makes a lot more sense!

[@matildarose]

It just feels really cringey with the forced energy of all the injokes. "Hahaha, here's rat poison, but it's not real poison, it's just a reference!! To the moon!!!" Also, for a population that seems overwhelmingly pale in complexion, I hope some of those boutiques have sunscreen.

[@SharkyMcSnarkface]

That sunscreen booth would probably be the most profitable venture on that entire island

[@DoctorDerpman]

@@SharkyMcSnarkface I love how y'all think any of these people would actually go outside. 😂

[@hertzwave8001]

@@DoctorDerpman they did goto saudi arabia during a flood, that counts for something

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

@@DoctorDerpman half their houses are made of glass. They'll need sunscreen indoors

[@ryanmurphy8388]

Implying any of them would actually go outside, even if this was made

[@RandgrisAlmark]

Chris's mom just wants her son back. Connie won't let him go. Connie will never let him go.

[@Zargex]

Connie just kills everyone after the animation

[@camoking3609]

​@Zargex the investment gods demand a blood sacrifice, Connie is their will, their words, their blade....

[@thunderspark1536]

​@@camoking3609That would actually make crypto stable, we can't have that.

[@nejdalej]

The de-stress room has a fucking Dash Con ballpit 😂

[@jayo1212]

The "coins" are obviously styrofoam, and notice the door is on backwards?

[@YogoBites]

This comment was funny. You’ve earned an extra hour in the ball pit.

[@jayhollows5729]

​@@YogoBites not the ball pit. Anything but that 😢. The ball pit smells like pee and used diapers.

[@YogoBites]

@@jayhollows5729 You too, have earned more time in the ball pit.

[@dmug]

I swear, you don’t even have mock crypto bro libertarians, they’ll just do it to themselves unironically.

[@pocpic]

When I first saw clips of it I thought it was a parody.

[@saulgallagher5668]

I mean, the first line is about liking kids... and then the mascot is called *Con*nie

[@asteroidrules]

It's something of a theme for people who have never actually been in a tropical region to think weather doesn't exist in them. Of course in reality tropical storms are seriously dangerous. Even a minor storm would cause flooding, a serious one would basically level the entire place, and ironically the clear weather they want people to think of would also be dangerous because of how hot it gets already before you factor in the amount of heat given off by blockchain network infrastructure. This was basically a mass casualty event waiting to happen because, just like Fyre Festival, they had no idea how to actually develop land.

[@Redguns4life]

These people do not seem to understand that tropical weather only lasts between March to May. June and onwards are monsoon season.

[@vylbird8014]

Their island also lacks power infrastructure, water, sewage, transportation connections.... roads. The project would mean building an entire town from scratch. Well, if they ever intended to actually go through with it. The plan is very obvious: Take investor money, disappear.

[@asteroidrules]

@@vylbird8014 The power/internet and transportation infrastructure would likely be the worst parts of it since their design makes basically no concessions for efficient transit and has high demand for electrical infrastructure. The only way they show people getting on/off the island is via helicopters when you would need to build an entire port to transport most of the supplies construction would require, they only drew up two-lane roads without any buses or rail transit, and their target audience was explicitly people who make extremely inefficient use of electricity and internet bandwidth so they would need enough power to sustain a small country and broadband internet.

[@babyroxasman]

Plus they're going to bulldoze a ton of trees which is natural protection from storms. Also if you chop down trees in a forest the others around them loose support

[@jayo1212]

The salty sea air alone would wreak havoc on pretty much everything there!

[@alackofgames913]

A gender ratio of 1/9 in a place where men generally don't believe in consent? I see no problems with this at all.

[@autobotstarscream765]

Are you thinking 8-on-1 unconsensual gangbangs for the women or Bubba in jail for all the men?

[@sofieselene]

Women are smart - that gender ratio will be 100% male.

[@CZpersi]

What could ever go wrong?

[@blakeoarmboy]

This would’ve ended up like lord of flies

[@youtube-kit9450]

Remember that at first, Cryptoland said to the question of age of consent that "mental maturity" should be enough with a winky face.

[@MrBenMcLean]

The Disney song parody is "Prince Ali" from Aladdin. Very appropriate, since the song is about lying to everyone with fake riches.

[@milesbrown2261]

lego pdf file picture. where's his underaged lego wives? lol

[@oxolotleman7226]

The comments on this video are making me realize I didn't understand Alladin's story as a child.

[@veeekmakes]

Literal creator of The Seagull here (Zhuhang designed him, I modelled, Kamila rigged). Still blows my mind that the little dude we made for our student project in 2018 went on to be involved in so much drama. Those Cryptoland bros were really a bunch of cheap arseholes eh, most of their rigs are very well known student-grade free assets.

[@toomanyaccounts]

they couldn't even be bothered to credit and throw a small donation your way for using it.

[@iron_bucket]

I like how they fantasize about beatiful women on their "paradise", while, I imagine, in the reality, this place would be populated almost exclusively by crypto-*bros*

[@autobotstarscream765]

They think they're gonna invade the rest of the world with their tacky resorts and hire all the strippers and prostitutes by paying in cryptocoins. 😂

[@arostwocents]

I dunno. If it was an island packed with millionaires you would have had hundreds of beautiful women. Women like money my friend.

[@mathinho1237]

​@@arostwocentshow sad you are

[@acorr14]

​@@arostwocents It's not going to be packed with millionaires...

[@kg4tnp]

Crypto went bust, not sure what millionaires you're thinking of​@@arostwocents

[@lakegroce685]

Someone one day has to write a “Lord of the Flies, Crypto Bro version” novel. And knowing the media literacy of Crypto Bros, the satire will fly right over their heads.

[@UriGerhard]

"Do Not Build The TormentCoin Nexus"

[@AVdE10000]

What are you talking about, these are the same people who loooove referencing "1984"... Without actually having read it, but still!

[@spacebassist]

@@AVdE10000 my favourite part of 1984 was when Winston smirked and dropped a slur in front of a gay man and his only reprimand was being told to fuck off i also thought the concept of "thought crimes" being all slurs and strongly favoured by teenagers and socially stunted men was poignant, really made me think about the dangers of totalitarianism and how they're coming for my slurs. everything is a slippery slope after all

[@tbotalpha8133]

They already did. Look up "In Golden Waters". It's a collection of amateur fiction by the Goons of Something Awful, exploring the failure of a fictional seasteading project. Most of the works are incomplete, and there isn't a strict canon between stories. But each one offers an interesting (and frequently hilarious) perspective on the idea.

[@silversonic9683]

The MS Satoshi.

[@NexLegacyAccount]

As an aspiring 3D artist, I just want to say I love hearing you roast and critique mid animation jobs.

[@LordVarkson]

Get ready, cause you'll be the one making that stuff in a few years.

[@samholdsworth420]

I think you're being generous calling it mid 😅

[@lordedmundblackadder9321]

The entire theme of Jurassic Park is that the failure of Jurassic Park was inevitable, and nothing anyone did could have stopped it. Are they saying that the failure of Cryptoland is inevitable?

[@VickyHong1879]

I mean it was

[@draconicfeline6177]

I thought it was that, in their hubris, no one actually put the proper measures in place to prevent disaster.

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

@@draconicfeline6177 I mean, they spared no expense. But Jeff Goldblum said it right when he said that they were so preoccupied wehter or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should. The same applies for the crypto island.

[@snakewithapen5489]

My fatal flaw is thinking that if I were in charge of Jurassic Park I would have done it better

[@jesusramirezromo2037]

​@@HappyBeezerStudios The whole point of Jurassic Park is that they spared every expense, Hammond was always a conman, Like his flea circus

[@snowbeast4463]

'Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph.'

[@Purplesubmariner]

This video really encompasses the mindset of the crypto culture: live like an entrepreneur without any of the responsibility or work. It's the end result with 0 of the substance to get there or make it work

[@BetaDude40]

Crypto culture is the worst part of both realms. Generally less-wealthy people might be enticed by the money but the fetishization of profligate upper-class excess would be offputting. And actual entrepreneurs and wealthy moguls and oligarchs would find it to be a gross parody of their own lifestyle by people who have no idea what they're doing. And even if you are the kind of person who wants to live the grindset-mindset kind of life and flaunt your wealth to an offensive degree, there's a good chance you'd _still_ be cringing at the horrible senses of """humor""" that cryptobros give off stronger than their unwashed bodies. The only people who would genuinely ever be interested are those who are so sorely misinformed and terminally-online that they're liable to fall into echo chambers like holes in a mole-infested garden, or people who know full-well it's a scheme and hope to sucker as many as people as possible to get an easy payout. Cryptobros wonder why we're stuck in a perpetual "crypto winter" for the past couple years when they have done everything in their power to make cryptocurrency and NFTs as viscerally unappealing as possible.

[@Purplesubmariner]

@@BetaDude40 it truly is a paradoxical parody

[@averyeml]

Bold of you to suggest we exile crypto bros off to a distant island, considering Australia’s pretty famously high on the historical “let’s dump these people somewhere” destination list

[@mack.attack]

"fun" fact: "Cease and desist" is an example of what's called a legal doublet, a fixed phrase consisting of two arguably pointlessly-synonymous words, such as "null and void," "terms and conditions," "aid and abet," "ways and means," "indemnify and hold harmless," "last will and testament," "furnish and supply," "true and correct," and other jargony phrases, lol

[@wilczus222]

Second "fun" fact: These "legal doublets" trace back to the middle ages, where French and English were spoken by different classes in England, creating the need for (now pointless) double phrases :3

[@hamzahsajjad7952]

Wow that is a fun fact​@@wilczus222

[@solanumtuberosa]

What about cease and decease tho

[@mothichorror446]

​@@solanumtuberosathat's just Power Word Kill

[@alejotassile6441]

I get it with the other examples, but true and correct aren't the same at all, Truth doesn't have morality

[@hooraayy]

I need to know why they made the girl has each tooth modeled while the other has the cartoon one-block teeth 😭

[@Tim5corpion]

Probably because the assets wete bought from different sources online.

[@LinksBetweenDrinks]

Her model was a different stolen asset from a different creator. Which is why her neck goes all cobra, because they didn't bother to use the right stolen skeleton rig assets on all of their stolen assets. Although "stolen" isn't the right word exactly in these cases, but it's easier to say that "rights of free use contract violated" assets.

[@thunderbee]

Im digging this laid back style on this channel.

[@TF2isaDeadGame]

Lad style

[@MyNickWasTaken137]

CryptoBro "containment" island sounds nice. We can give them a closed circuit intranet to xeet amongst themselves and every Saturday is fight-for-rations festival with a big and legally distinct thunderdome.

[@solouno2280]

Would watch that... A survivor series where none has survival skills. Crypto bros are the kind of people who buys a house with two bath tubs in the same bathroom and no kitchen.

[@autobotstarscream765]

​@@solouno2280Sounds like an episode of MrBeast, especially after what Jimothy Breast has been accused of.

[@Lordofthegeeks108]

The "Lightning cupola" should be distinct enough to avoid any issues. It's a shame Tina Turner is no longer with us. "A significant distance past the Lightning cupola" would have really made the soundtrack a banger.

[@FelineJay]

Crypto-bros stealing assets for commercial use? Say it isn't so! Also it's a little hard to dispute those p3do aligations when the first line from the MC of the pitch video is "I'm a degen with crush for kids" Edit: apparently it's kitties not kiddies

[@Smoothbrainium]

He says crypto kitties, I'm guessing it was meant to be a callback to the elon musk thing about catgirls

[@FelineJay]

​@@Smoothbrainium I see. Well then I'm glad I only fit half the criteria. I don't want that creature near me

[@lwardrop2453]

To me I see a direct link between “Crypto Kitties” and “Discord Kittens”, as in the people who role play as manic pixie girlfriends for loser Discord mods… So the optics are still not good

[@ornerylurker8296]

To be fair, with all the “ironic” language and “it’s just a joke” energy, I wouldn’t even put it past them to sneak in a dogwhistle like that.

[@rhaeven]

CryptoKitties is an nft trading game with an nft collection of cartoon cats

[@jamesrogers7902]

That last tweet did ask a very important question, I agree. But I wanted to find out more of this island such as overall population? How much the stuff in each home is worth? Are the lambos' the more expensive kind? Does the island have a security force? How many if so and what are they armed with? Are the beaches large enough for military grade landing ships? Are there open areas for troop transport helicopters to land? And most importantly if anyone would join me in becoming techno Vikings and raiding the island, because let's be honest, that'd be incredibly hilarious.

[@learntooilpaint]

I mean being a technophobic Viking raiding party, where we travel around in high speed yachts and steal all physical items, then take their wallet pens and build a mountain from them would be amazing.

[@jimcat68]

"Another homosexual party boat! They always have the nicest things." - The Simpsons

[@WhatIsThatThingDoing]

Better hurry before pirates/organised criminals/the Fiji government have the same idea.

[@vaiyt]

If cryptobros brought their wallets and rigs to a small island, real life pirates would be itching to get there and give them the $5 wrench treatment.

[@victoriaetheridge5338]

Okay, I would LOVE to be a techno viking and raid this crap place

[@Ross516]

Why is the human man never animated to blink or even just... Rest his eyes naturally.

[@cernunnos_lives]

What? So you would then actually see what you are doing? We can't have that. If you blink then the dream disappears and real life comes back to full view.

[@StoutShako]

👁️👄👁️ -- Literally that guy

[@Ross516]

@@StoutShako demoman it's an honour

[@arostwocents]

He does blink

[@lukahierl9857]

It is safe to asume they are all high on cocaine.

[@TomQuoVadis]

I remember when my nephew turned 3 he had a construction themed birthday party. His mom made him a cake which looked like a construction site, complete with little vehicles, there was a taco bar with all the fixings marked thematically (black olives were "spare tires", Doritos were "traffic cones", water was "fuel" and the Kool aid was "oil"). You know it was cute...for a 3 year old's birthday party. Doing it for adults to try to get them to invest in your supposedly very serious business is just...

[@josepholberding2776]

yeah. But i imagine that was an awesome birthday party for the guy

[@sisco8225]

Living in cryptoland would just be sharing an island with 500 people who defend Shadman.

[@TheSilly6403]

Thanks for making me hate the idea ten times more

[@neutralmedkit4272]

It's really telling that crypto bros' idea of relaxation is jumping into a pool of money.

[@nlabonte]

21:55 For anyone who was wondering, the live action footage of the pinball machine is from the Iron Maiden: Legacy of the Beast game; IMHO, it's a pretty fun machine to play

[@funkyweapon1981]

Yeah it is! It is Iron Maiden afterall!

[@Cobalt_Spartan]

The sphinx even has the Eddie on it

[@LucydDev]

Kinda random note most people wouldn't care about; the seagull, even though it was for sale, was for sale on the Unreal Engine marketplace, and only usable for Unreal Engine products. That's why it was considered "used without permission, then de-listed (that part could have been due to association with this terrible product)

[@eaglest0554]

In a world of talking coins and cars, the most unrealistic part is still the amount of women on the island.

[@trouty606]

It's like cryptobros saw how you couldn't even make Fyre Festival work as just a basic concert event, and said "Hold my NFT of a beer" as they thought they could make a whole-ass island to speed run Lord of the Flies.

[@CainXVII]

I think the deal actually fell through when Fiji realized they were planning on running a casino on that island (illegal) and just in general maybe not obeying Fiji's laws too well. But I don't really remember. I think they started looking at other islands afterwards that were even worse. There are also other similar projects where cryptobros have tried to take over "unclaimed" (disputed) territories and make them into Cryptoland. They have not gone well either.

[@TorIverWilhelmsen]

Yes, there was some fancy plans to make a floating "outlaw" high-tech cluster city in international waters, too. Their prototype habitat sank if I remember correctly. And none of the plans were any more realistic than Cryptoland.

[@EphemeralTao]

@@TorIverWilhelmsen Yeah, "sea steading" is a perennial bit of "point and laugh" humour generated by by the right-libertarian crowd.

[@apinakapina]

I disagree with the conclusion that this could ever been possible. They needed a large number of investors who are both wealthy and insane enough to buy into a complete hallucination of a pipe dream in the form of parcels. On an island that differentiates itself from exotic locations only by offering cringe. While some NFT projects have been lucrative for their founders, the initial sales income is nowhere near the hundred plus million mark that this kind of project would obviously start from. And theirs is also one goddamn fugly collection.

[@youtube-kit9450]

"Large number of investors rich and insane enough" I mean, you literally described crypto bros.

[@EphemeralTao]

@@youtube-kit9450 Crypto-bros are generally only one of those things, which is why they think cryptocurrency is a surefire path to the other.

[@KirbyLinkACW]

Shark3ozero, when reacting to the original video years ago, said someone would definitely use the Destress Room to dispose of a body.

[@anon9469]

Turns out the only good idea in this whole thing was a concept for a Hitman level.

[@Quaxo21]

@@anon9469LMAO

[@topcatfan]

The Connie the coin suit seems pretty good too

[@eddiefragnito]

About the whole "scam thing": You can still commit a scam even if it wasn't your intention, a scam is based on whether or not the expectations of the public who put money into it were met in a timelly manner, specially cause its so hard to separate what are "poor management based scams" and "intentionally misguiding scams"

[@Reac2]

It's the same difference as manslaughter and murder

[@topcatfan]

I want crypto-land ro be real purely so a crypto bro gets springlocked in the connie the coin outfit

[@jimcat68]

Five Nights at Conny's

[@WhatIsThatThingDoing]

CHRISTOPHER! DON'T LEAVE ME!

[@chaosinc.382]

​@@jimcat68 Bro that'd be unironically terrifying. The thing already makes me super uneasy, just slap it in a horror game.

[@Crueltycretin]

YES THIS

[@fo-ef8qo]

comparing cryptoland to lepers is an insult to lepers

[@stinkbanana2522]

Where tf would the staff live? They get helicoptered or boated in every day??

[@anon9469]

Subterranean slave-bunkers.

[@TorIverWilhelmsen]

Not to mention the building and construction crews that were supposed to go there to build a small town, complete with sanitation and power generation for the power-hungry mining rigs.

[@paulgibbon5991]

They'll start off with one monkey butler, but he'll train the others.

[@EmilyElizabethxox]

I love how transparent they make themselves in the kind of “bros” they’re trying to appeal to. 13:44 The only women featured don’t say much, look way too young or are in service roles. 5:34 The only person of color in this entire thing is a luggage carrier. 😬😬

[@aiglentinaa]

Ig we know why they had to add the offtopic "not racist" bit in their apology😬

[@mrosskne]

based

[@urieldiazavellaneda405]

@@mrosskne Found the 12 years old

[@mrosskne]

lol redditor

[@Sir_Bucket]

​@@urieldiazavellaneda405 excuse me, this is a cryptoland space, we don't say "mentaly mature"

[@IntolerantMaster]

That Pin ball machine is actually an Iron Maiden one based on their album cover PowerSlave. You can see it clearly at 21:55

[@Purplesubmariner]

19:10 Aladdin, actually, Genie specifically, which is also who Connie is based off of (you can really see it in his face, and his mannerisms reflect it too). I do remember seeing behind the scenes footage of someone's cubicle with a Genie mug or model or something.

[@LawnMowerfromHell]

The cease and desist letter is so emblematic for everything that's wrong with these guys. They're supposedly rich as hell from crypto, but they are so full of themselves that instead of hiring an actual lawyer, they go "eh how hard can it be" and do it themselves, fucking it up royally.

[@SabbyNeko]

You missed something extremely funny. Conny is a stolen asset. He's from some gambling mobile game.

[@mikaroni_and_cheez]

Wow

[@MartynWilkinson45]

Explains why Connie is so much better animated than the rest of the video.

[@SabbyNeko]

@@MartynWilkinson45 It's just the model, they still did a good job animating him.

[@chaosinc.382]

No way. That's fethin hilarious!

[@frstwhsprs]

Not even surprised, crypto bros will steal people's accounts to promote their shit.

[@kenirainseeker539]

I like how this very cartoon shows the downside of having a hardware wallet. You lose it, all your money is gone.

[@toomanyaccounts]

funny how many crypto people lost their crypto by trusting an exchange or clicking on some malware site or fake nft sent to them.

[@Fimbulvinter19]

I don't think this was an intentional scam. I just think they had absolutely no idea of any of the actual mechanics of how to do it. No understanding of regulation, international law, or logistics. It was basically just a 'hey this sounds dope' idea that they pitched before thinking it through. The seagull was originally a free asset that anyone could use under two conditions - credit to the original modeller and that it not be used for commercial works. Cryptoland didn't give credit and used it for a commercial work.

[@EphemeralTao]

I disagree. I don't think they pitched it before thinking it through; I think they pitched it with no intention to think it through. Thinking to any significant degree about what they're doing is the number one thing that stops people from becoming crypto-bros.

[@medea27]

That opening sentence @ 0:57 sounds _awfully_ close to _"I'm a crypto degen with a crush for crypto kiddies..."_ so the fact that they don't actually mention 'crypto _kitties'_ until the very end of the promo says a lot to me about the organiser's 'edgy teen' levels of self-awareness. I remember checking out their development proposal with all the concept drawings/plans, just for shits & giggles... it was painfully obvious the Cryptolanders had never lived anywhere near or below the equator. There's footage somewhere of that crypto KZbinr guy on the actual island (possibly in one of Callum Upton or KiraTV's videos), walking through scrubland swatting bugs around his face & looking 100% the clueless tourist... talking about clearing that same vegetation that's keeping the island from being literally washed/blown away in a tropical storms. Oh, and they drew up "plans" for power & water utilities, but not garbage disposal or septic waste. In the tropics, on an island, in cyclone territory. Given how full of shit your average cryptobro is, you'd think they'd pay more attention to waste management. So I wasn't worried about this being a crypto Epstein Island... it was always destined to be _'Lord of the Crypto Flies.'_ Or maybe _Survivor: Cryptoland Island..._ now that's a reality show I would actually watch!

[@EphemeralTao]

Just brings up Dubai's fleet of sewage tankers. I imagine it would have ended up something like that; although given the level of technological awareness evinced by the average crypto-bro, they probably would have just tried pumping it straight out into the ocean, with the obvious results. "Lord of the Flies" indeed.

[@remyrichardson8614]

Or Cryptoshock

[@Shotgun_Gospel]

I love the concept of the Vladimir Club. A private, VIP-only club on an already-remote island with a population of, like, 80 rich guys. Almost as good as the highly-requested "work zone". As if anyone involved knows what that is, or got into crypto to do.

[@WeirdWonderful]

As far as I remember, even if they got the island, you were gonna get an empty plot of land on an uninhabited island and have to pay to ship workers and materials there by boat to build your house. At a cost that probably be several times of just buying a house in a tropical resort you can actually get to without having to charter a private helicopter.

[@TorIverWilhelmsen]

Yes, but that tropical resort would probably have law enforcement...

[@jorgeluz9560]

That island seems to only have one short stretch of road and they are planning on driving Lamborghinis there? You would even be able to speed there!

[@mikoto7693]

If it ran in a straight line then they might want to consider making it a runway for small aircraft.

[@ghost_ship_supreme]

Wait… where’s the gas station? Lol

[@missybraithwaite]

I love how absolutely no one has entertained the idea that Cryptoland is basically a caste system and will inevitably turn into a coup-d’état when the hundreds of minimum wage staff hired to run an entire island get fed up of how insufferable the crypto bros are. And why not? Like do you know how many people you would have to hire to staff a resort the size of a town? Maintenance alone would be insane! I mean 60 parcels of land, all with mansions on them, a club, a whole shopping centre, the main hub area as well as other miscellaneous utilities. Even if they did manage to actually build the damn thing, the logistics of staffing all this. There is zero incentive to graft hard to care for man children when you can just drown em in the sea and steal their house. I assume it’ll be its own jurisdiction after all

[@sketchydude8431]

I'd pay to see that in the timeline where Cryptoland actually happened.

[@vaiyt]

I think the place would get raided by criminals before that.

[@omegahaxors9-11]

9:00 PDF files and crypto, name a more iconic duo

[@camoking3609]

Crypto and Scams Hell make it a Trio

[@chaosinc.382]

PDF Files and Minecraft youtubing. ... Scratch that, just Minecraft in general.

[@Graknorke]

do NOT ask Connie what the age of consent is on Cryptoland

[@MaxTrogmore42]

20:49 "I come from New York city, new York" honestly one of my most hated lines in any media not sure why. Like when films say "London, England" whilst showing a flying shot of London or something.

[@hi-ougidemonfang]

I think the joke is New York City on paper seems like one of the best places to make international business affiliations. I don’t know how much that matters now though since the internet exists. Then again maybe that’s giving them too much credit and there is no joke.

[@MaxTrogmore42]

@@hi-ougidemonfang my point was just say"New York" you don't need to clarify the place any further sure if you mean a small town in the middle of no where say "x state New York" but everyone who hears "New York" will assume the big one

[@pinkpusheenpaws]

atleast London, England makes sense, since theres a London in Tennessee too

[@MaxTrogmore42]

@@pinkpusheenpaws well normal they say London England as they fly over the river or show a land mark, I assume tennassee dosnt have copies of those haha 🤣 plus the English accents soon after it say the location would give it away haha 🤣

[@surnis9043]

@@pinkpusheenpaws There's a London in Ontario too.

[@ObeseChess]

“Widesauce” is one of my best friends IRL and we are absolutely fucking howling at this. Our group chat is in complete shambles. Thank you so much.

[@ricks5756]

I wonder why no one bothers to copy a successful virtual world. SecondLife ( 2004 ) is a lot cheaper to 'own' virtual land without that pesky blockchain getting in the way.

[@BetaDude40]

But they want the pesky blockchain to justify an insane price markup. They don't want to use the blockchain for the actual immutability features that make blockchain an effective data structure, they just want to use it as a buzzword to squeeze more cash out of people who don't know better.

[@Old_Machine_Spirit]

One group actually did do that, and I believe it was called Decentralize Land or something similar. It came off as an Tecent knockoff of Second Life and ended just as hilariously as CryptoLand here...actually, it was probably more because idiots and large companies actually put money into the damn thing compared to CryptoLand. Look up Folding Idea's video "Line goes up" since he goes into detail on it.

[@Admiralkirk95]

The guy who asked what the age of consent was, is either an unsung hero, or a secret villain looking for info for the next epstein island.

[@matthewmcmullan4832]

in the first 5 seconds he says he's a pedophile, they weren't even TRYING to be subtle

[@TheSilly6403]

He was actually referencing Crypto Kitties, which is a weird NFT thing with cats. With these guys though, I wouldn't be surprised if it was an edgy bit of wordplay

[@MatthewCampbell765]

There's a term I once came up with that I call "Failed Irony", which is basically when you try to do something ironic like make a self-deprecating joke about yourself or invoke "evil is cool" but it lands differently because it's just unironically true. Like imagine if a company tried to adopt the aesthetics of an evil cyberpunk megacorp because it looked cool, but ended up actually being an abusive company. The cosplay is just unironically true. This brings us to Crypto Bros, who have essentially built an entire culture out of making fun of themselves...which of course runs headfirst into the problem that a lot of the things they make fun of themselves about they...unironically *are*. Basically, they're cons who (probably) don't realize they're cons, and make fun of the fact that everyone thinks they're conmen. Which they are.

[@novathefallenstarwarrior]

Do you mind if I borrow that term? I like it

[@autobotstarscream765]

Square Enix literally named their _cloud_ gaming division Shinra.

[@MatthewCampbell765]

@@novathefallenstarwarrior Go ahead.

[@novathefallenstarwarrior]

@MatthewCampbell765 thanks king

[@adrianoscalise7847]

I'd argue they're victims of their own scam. First of all to be a conman you need to have smarts and the ability to con people, neither of which apply to them.

[@SubPriestPepsi]

100% here for crypto exile plan. I'd pay for it myself.

[@thesacredlobo]

Even the fork bit is an in-joke since crypto chains can actually desynchronize which can result in the chain splitting into two or more forks with each fork vying to be the official chain. And due to the nature of how blocks are added to the chain these issues can't be easily resolved either and result in fundamental disagreements about the state of the entire crypto economy.

[@MFFNL]

Bro not recognizing Prince Ali's banger and thinking it's from Hercules.

[@DruidicDonkey]

I like how if Cryptoland was made into a real thing, you know that island would be a sausagefest of straight dudes. lol They'll get bored of the place so fast because if any women did end up there, they'd end up chasing off ALL of them since none of those cryptobros have any form of social skills.

[@omgryannn]

20:51 "I come from New York City, New York" is genuinely the most redundant and hilariously bad thing ive ever seen

[@thatgreenfur6584]

That cease and desist letter has real "I declare... BANKRUPTCYYYYY" energy

[@oldoutlet6946]

The Crypto Land ad is a work of art. It has so many layers of no self-awareness, animation errors, bad jokes, and already outdated crypto references, all wrapped up in a false sense of pride and misguided confidence. I love/hate it so much.

[@brown_note4710]

That pinball machine is an Iron Maiden pinball machine, like that's the Iron Maiden Mummy in full view

[@CombineHgrunt]

"Mental maturity should be more than enough!"

[@simarkarmani4034]

;)

[@jayhollows5729]

Those are the same people who cry that trans people are groomers

[@Antigen__]

I love that they stole the "to the moon!/no, to the room!" joke from Regular Show

[@sugarpolecat4781]

You know what this animation reminds me of? Freaking FoodFight (the animated movie with Charlie Sheen), it has the same vibes and very similar quality. Its bizarre how similar they are.

[@WhatIsThatThingDoing]

Brand X is behind this somehow

[@sugarpolecat4781]

@@WhatIsThatThingDoing fetish lady is back!

[@lemmejustreadthethings]

I find the Cryptoland animation fascinating, its like viewing the world that capitalists dream of when they lay in bed at night. Like is this really what capitalists think paradise is like? Is their utopian land just beaches, sunshine, casinos, restaurants and coffee shops? They don't need grocery stores in their world because they never dream of cooking, that sort of thing is only what the poor people do.

[@toomanyaccounts]

these are not capitalists. capitalism is about providing a product or service and encouraging competition to provide the better. capitalists hate monopolies and would avoid gov't handouts if it all possible.

[@lemmejustreadthethings]

@@toomanyaccounts Rofl thats completely delusional. No, capitalism is all about an individual amassing as much capital as humanly possible with as little cost as humanly possible - why tf do you think tipping culture, microtransactions, excessive CEO bonuses, zero hour contracts, unpaid work placements, exploiting third world countries, health insurance and many other stupid things are so popular in the west? Its because we have so many rampant capitalists everywhere here.

[@Levyafan]

@@toomanyaccounts "that wasn't REAL capitalism tho"

[@raphaeldagamer]

The idea of leaving out groceries is that in Cryptoland, everyone is so rich that they don't have to bother with groceries like poor people, everything is prepared for them, and they can afford that because they're all totally definitely rich from crypto.

[@Astar24653]

I really dig the chill style. But yeah a cryptoland show thats like survivor would be so interesting. Call it a social experiment or something.

[@jensa.1216]

11:03 Been to Fiji during "winter", it rained every day for like 0.5-1 hour atleast.

[@gorp2116]

25:38 My ass thought there was a movie called Aladdin and Grease

[@skyefox]

The love interest having a vague Eastern European accent is just *chef's kiss*

[@alecmullaney7957]

The Vladimir Club.

[@Levyafan]

I am of firm belief that they just hired somebody online on Fiverr or something, and the actress in question didn't have a good microphone and they decided it wasn't worth gambling with another FIverr actress.

[@jayheffronuzun6733]

The pink statue with the sunglasses in the villa of the animation feels very much like its trying to reference the vaporwave aesthetic since that was trendy at the time... Vaporwave was originally a genre made as a parody and satire of commercialism (partially at least). Ironic

[@SeppelSquirrel]

If you know everything that happened in the first few months following Cryptoland's announcement video in 2022, you can skip to 33:58 for everything new since then.

[@FTMothman]

3:00 the way that coin is looking at bro makes me think that thing needs to be on the registry.

[@Trafficallity]

0:59 why did he say he likes kids

[@Nocturne989]

So does anyone else remember a version of this video with that whole serious conversation between Dude and Connie was replaced without redoing the lipsync? Iirc theyd added some NFT jargon instead

[@Jetrulez15]

22:00 Yep, that's a real pinball machine. It's not based on pyramids at all, but rather Iron Maiden made by Stern Pinball, which happens to have pyramids as part of its theming. For what it's worth, it's a really fun game. That footage is from the trailer when the game released back in 2018.

[@TorIverWilhelmsen]

Yeah, the "Powerslave" album has that theme in the artwork and the title track.

[@Jetrulez15]

@@TorIverWilhelmsen That would certainly explain it since it's a playable song in the game and is used during a bunch of features in the game. My personal favorite is Rime of the Ancient Mariner!

[@Magnet_Chaos]

The Grease musical number gave ne whiplash.

[@jayo1212]

And then the way they do a half-assed Macarena dance to it...

[@anthonylong9067]

@@jayo1212then stole the tune for Disney’s Aladdin at the end

[@robertlee2092]

Now we’ll never have anywhere to do stuff like air hockey, poker, and paddle boats :(

[@seelcudoom1]

the thing about "mental maturity should be more then enough" is it implies less then mental maturity is also enough

[@katiemorison7969]

yEAH it's got like. "But we won't tell if not" energy