What Is Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder?

In this video I'll be talking about the quiet borderline subtype as well as what its main characteristics are.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Intro
0:34 Quiet BPD Overview
1:23 My Experience with Quiet BPD
3:08 Continuums of Quiet BPD
3:54 Overlap with Other Disorders
4:33 Difficulty Settings Boundaries/ People-pleasing
5:11 Low Assertiveness/ Self-Sabotage
5:35 Shame & Self-Hatred/ Avoidance of Conflicts
6:28 Suppressing Emotions
7:19 Common Misdiagnosis
Have you seen my previous video? Check it out » • DBT Program Update #3:...
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[@nadnerb3155]

So well said! I hope quiet borderline is recognised as different to petulant etc. I feel bpd is given a bad name by the types that are dominated by narcissistic behaviours. Quiet bpd to me is almost the opposite of narcissism. Thanks for speaking up!

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course! Thank you for your input and support ☺️

[@makethatchangelifecoaching4009]

Very true on many of these for me, I'm a gentle soul and I don't like to hurt others, I try to show others, love, respect and often will blame myself rather then others, I'm beginning to value and love myself more and so I'm realizing my feelings, thoughts matter whereas in the past, my low self worth didn't value me enough so I put others above me unhealthily.

[@genevievebelanger5067]

This is one of the first times I've seen a video about quiet bpd where I totally relate! I recently had a disagreement with someone and I was trying so hard to resolve it asap and to win my cause at the same time. It got so exhausting, I just went to bed, cried until my eyes hurt and then slept of exhaustion until the morning after. But the worst is the afterwards shame, you know, when you remember you had "wrong" emotions in front of other people and then exploded wayyyy too much once alone. It's also thinking the disagreement was caused by me, that I started it, that I was in the wrong or that the other person just hates me. It makes me overthink and rewire my memories into being all black or all white, of course me being the black side of every relationship issues, even though in reality it's way more gray, like you said.

[@onthelinecommunity]

You couldn’t of said it better! Thank you for sharing your experience, I’m sure a lot of people will relate to it 💛

[@rhondarichmond63]

You spoke to me. Having both male and female relationships is so hard. Then when you respond to certain situations, your feelings are so intense. I often react in a way that I later question. How do you trust your feelings as normal or rational? They are rational to me at the time. Later I feel shame and personal low esteem. I then go into hiding. I only let people see what I think is normal and happy. Yes, I am high achieving and people see me so different then I see myself inside.

[@genevievebelanger5067]

@@rhondarichmond63 Sending love to you, dear! It's a relief to see we are not alone, even though we would never hope for this to happen to someone else. ❤‍🩹

[@carlyar5281]

Oh wow! I recently learned about quiet BPD and it sounds so much like what my husband of nearly 20 years has recently shared with me. I never knew that he hates himself or blames himself for things. He’s worn a mask for the over 20 years we’ve together but when stressed he would lash out and be angry for reasons I never understood. I would notice that he was in bad mood and ask if he was ok or if something was wrong. He’d say no or deny anything was wrong and if I asked if he was sure he’d lash out. He says he’s introverted but he can be very outgoing and social but needs time to himself in the evening and gets cranky if he doesn’t have time to himself. Writing all of this makes him sound bad but he loves me and our children and takes good care of us… to the point of neglecting himself. 😞 I want to help him and support him. I don’t know if he has quiet BPD but I’d appreciate any advice or guidance for what partners can do to help support a loved one with quiet BPD. 😊

[@thomaspan6514]

I think my fearful avoidant ex was also quiet bpd. All signs matched from what I observed. They did not want emotional intimicy. They wanted people to think that they were independent and strong. I did not want to leave the relationship but they moved on to another and the reason I can only guess was that my existence caused them stress and pressure.

[@makethatchangelifecoaching4009]

I don't feel the wild Rollercoaster of emotions as described here but major life events can throw me into a depression from out of nowhere when I feel fine minutes before. For example, losing close family relationships, evictions, homelessness, uncertainty, health issues or family death, I can feel strong and then the next minute sad, like all I want to do is sleep, I can control it and function in my daily tasks but I can also choose to sleep it off until it passes. I never feel very angry, it takes a lot, nor very irritable, when I am hurt, I will want to talk about it but if I'm deeply hurt, I tend to go inward and silent and need love and empathy to come outward and talk, as my self esteem is raising, my self sabatoge is getting less. I'm finding out self sabatoge is from a lot of abuse and blame from narcissists, you begin believing them and rejecting Urself in the way they reject you buy as I'm healing and learning my worth those episodes are decreasing. I remember when my self sabatoge began. My ex use to name call, blame, demonize, reject me so much, it became so painful I didn't want to live, you believe everything they say about u because they isolate you and they are all u knew, you trusted them. They brain wash you. So you begin to think this wouldn't happen if u were better or good enough and when u get abused you begin to allow them to hurt u because u think u deserve it and when they reject you you reject yourself too, they say I'm fat so I mi g ht as well be. I'm beginning to heal and realize this and realize now that I'm worth so much more and I'm loving myself more

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks so much for sharing your story!

[@tetrahexaeder6312]

I was diagnosed with BPD four and a half years ago and have always been on an on and off trip, if it really is the right diagnosis. Last year a therapist suggested Avoidant Personality Disorder and I've thought about Dependent Personality Disorder a lot too. And still.. none of these two (AvPD and DPD) actually fit. There is a bit of both, yeah, and a bit of depressive and passive-agressive PD as well (though these are no real diagnosis anymore). But as you mentioned, it all seems to add up in this Quiet BPD symptom complex. And it is the first thing that really got me thinking that it explains the underlying problem of my MDD, Social Anxiety, my former eating disorder and identity disturbances. It is.. as if you have got the feeling that you are deeply flawed and absolutely hopeless sometimes, like there is this giant void inside you and nothing or no one can ever fill that to the point that it doesn't hurt anymore. But I am okay, way better than four years ago. And I want to tell that everyone: Getting better is possible! :)

[@onthelinecommunity]

You described it perfectly! Thanks so much for sharing your experience 💗

[@sjcross8]

Thank you so much. You make me feel valid in my diagnosis and I don’t feel so dramatic knowing that these issues are real and shared with many other people.

[@user-uy6zk7ch4b]

I have quiet BPD. People assume my symptoms are less severe than they are and expect more of me than they should, and then when they realize I have a personality disorder they assume the absolute worst of me and shove me away really hard. The fear of abandonment comes from being abandoned. I get the worst of both worlds, too much expectation and not enough compassion. I seriously hate myself and wish I was someone else. Glad you're successful though good for you

[@rebeccassofa]

You're such an articulate young woman. This was really helpful. Thank you 😊

[@rixward5475]

Out of all the other descriptions of bpd ( alot ) on youtube , this seems the most accurate . Most people with bpd have other disorders too as they overlap , im C-ptsd , bpd , mdd ,sa . I'm quiet bpd but my anxiety triggers my depression , thank god i've been seeing a physcologist since i was diagnosed 5 months ago & been able to indentify things in myself to make changes in my life to get the best result . Medication helps too , what ever works for the individual , lots of times we trial many things until we get something that works great for us until we get to good stage in our life that we can taper off them . ill likely be on/off them for the rest of my life . thanks for the video

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience! I’m sure a lot of people will benefit from this!

[@ayisha3292]

Tysmm for making this, it was rlly insightful

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course! 😌

[@NobodyCB]

Great video. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone and you help with that. Thank you.

[@Skymoon795]

Thank you so much Kayla, your videos have played such a big role in my recovery journey 🥺

[@onthelinecommunity]

That means the world to me ☺️

[@my.life.journey13]

I can relate soooooo much, thank you from my heart for sharing! 🙏

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course!! ☺️

[@tiagoT_]

really informative video. i can relate to this. Thank you!

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you for the support Mike 😊

[@terryraypeck]

This is SO good.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks ☺️

[@yeetronin4652]

I have been trying to find out what is wrong with me for months now. I have been on antidepressants for 6 months now (tried 3 different sorts of antidepressants) and felt things are going for the worse not better. Thanks for making this video. Because all the things that you have said i can relate or the things you have experianced have been happening to me. I am not going to diagnose myself after this informative video but atleast i can bring this up when i am going to see the therapist again soon. Thank you so much! Liked and subscribed. 🙂

[@onthelinecommunity]

I’m so happy this allowed you to gain some clarity! I definitely agree that the best thing to do is to get a professional opinion, best of luck in the future ☺️

[@andyveres3982]

Thank you Kayla! 🙂

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you for the ongoing support! 😊

[@drc4563]

I am dying. Your videos are amazingly perceptive and real! Am reasonably sure my wife suffers from this. No one else sees it or experiences it. It’s all hidden. But I feel it all. It’s like a ton of crap gets thrown on me randomly and I have done little wrong aside from making basic mistakes (nothing major) all real humans make (because none of us are perfect). But she won’t get help. PLEASE do a session on how a partner shd handle this when their significant other that has QBPD. How do they cope. It makes me so sad. I love my wife so much. But at some point I will have to walk away because I can’t deal with the extreme verbal abuse I receive from her splitting or whatever it is. I just can’t. For my own self esteem, health and sanity. 😮

[@onthelinecommunity]

I can make a video on this!

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

​@@onthelinecommunityYes please!

[@gelyukboodoo]

Thank you!

[@BigDaddyBostin]

Thank you for this

[@onthelinecommunity]

Any time!

[@claudiatrainumrealtor6229]

The internal stuff is so unbearably sometimes. I can see why someone would want to leave this earth. Its so hard to be the best at everything. I'm successful at everything, except romantic relationships. I have come a long way with years therapy, but haven't managed to keep a relationship for more than 3 years. I was married when I was younger, but it was when I wasnt in therapy or thought I might be the problem. Its exhausting day by day and when I have my episodes, I prefer to be alone. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@saphiriagothly]

You literally just described me to a T, thank you for making this

[@onthelinecommunity]

So happy to help! 💗

[@strefayogi]

Thank you for this video. Its me.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course!! ☺️

[@GrantFoxOfficial]

Thank you

[@onthelinecommunity]

You’re welcome! 😌

[@makethatchangelifecoaching4009]

I have confidence I will heal from BPD

[@Bliss226]

I have struggled this week as me, my best friend and ex boyfriend began living together. I couldn't stop myself from snapping at them. Everything escalated so quickly to the point he broke a door and I punched a hole in the wall. I feel like absolute shit. No apology can ever fix this. I feel incredibly stupid and the sole person responsible. I am too blame for this. I got broken up with do to my BPD, became homeless, and almost lost my best friend simultaneously. Idk what is going to happen to me next, but I just feel like he will kick me out. I have no family or anyone I can turn too now. I was doing so good. I was getting good grades, and going to work before I moved across state lines. After I moved my grades flopped, I had mood swings and snapped at the people who say they loved me. They kept trying to get me to communicate and I couldn't which made me feel attacked and crazier than I have ever felt. I have no one and all I keep thinking is how I'm too blame and don't deserve happiness. I ruined my one chance at happiness.

[@BroItzYoDaddy2001]

This is me right now, but it's gonna fly over, hopefully.

[@ErikAdalbertvanNagel]

I can relate to anything of these. Except of high achieving, I just can't do it.

[@alexandre670]

Thanks for the video! Do you have intrusive thoughts that make you feel bad and want to be isolated ?

[@onthelinecommunity]

Yes I do! Self-compassion has really helped me ease up on those self-critical thoughts and learn how to be kinder to myself ☺️

[@leegrain5754]

Thank you! Thats me ...

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course! ☺️

[@charlottekretzschmar7187]

Could you make a video about c-ptsd and quiet borderline? I'm diagnosed with BPD and almost every therapist said I am high functioning or the controlled type, so I would say it's the quiet type. But almost every symptom is tied to a trauma... Beside this DBT was the most horrific Therapy for me and I only started to understand myself while I've done schema therapy mixed with trauma therapy. If you don't have trauma, especially childhood trauma, I can see the difference between quiet BPD and c-ptbs, but if someone has... I really just can't see the difference in cause and symptoms...

[@onthelinecommunity]

Great point! I’ll add it to my list

[@icecat1410]

This sounds so much like me... but I can't get help. I don't want to upset anyone.. I'd rather suffer than let my family know this was going on. I'm scared of my doctor as well, so I'm just.. stuck.

[@mhill88ify]

Stop feeling bad for yourself and just reach out to a therapist dude...good Lord. It would take an hour of your time and you might have a chance to break out of your rut. You being miserable and faking it to your loved ones is worse than just getting help.

[@janmcsween7079]

My wife will never see this. Everything is my fault. When I mention cluster-B (I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD, on the current cluster-B spectrum) regarding her, she flips-out : it’s all my fault, not her’s.

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

🌱🌏💚 Hello. For myself, quiet BPD sounds very much like autism masking. Alot (but not all) of what you've explained sounds very similar. I wonder if the therapy treatment for quiet BPD would work for people with adult diagnosis high functioning Autism too?

[@chickenlittle4014]

I have low self esteem is there a relation with low self esteem or would that a be a dependent or attatchment disorder

[@onthelinecommunity]

I’ll make a video on this! ☺️

[@honeydove_4844]

I feel like this is me but I feel like every human living has some sort of flaw or disorder. Recognize it and grow.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Beautifully said!

[@MichieBatFandoms]

Can u be somewhere in between? I actually didnt express outward until I got older.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Yes of course! The subtypes aren’t fixed and people express BPD symptoms in a variety of ways 😊

[@lion4life954]

Your b f is a lucky guy your stunning ! My g f cheated on me and had a break down, was diagnosed with this and fits everything your saying. I’m struggling to believe it and can’t find forgiveness. She has always hated herself, self loathing internally etc , it’s hard when you can’t see the internal battle. She was abused as a child . I’m trying to under stand. Does anyone believe this type of borderline disorder would cause you to cheat because supposedly you feel you have to etc ?

[@onthelinecommunity]

I think the fear of abandonment can push people into self-sabotage (i.e., cheating) in order to push people away before they can hurt them! Check out the disorganized attachment style to better understand folks with BPD

[@grinninggreen6750]

You would be willing to talk one on one with me some time? Therapists have only ever made me feel worse, and I don't know how to get help other than to turn to people who have similar troubles.

[@onthelinecommunity]

You can shot me an email to further discuss this ☺️ [e-mail]

[@Hartsinck1]

I have Quiet Borderline and it’s awful. How do you keep going?

[@onthelinecommunity]

It can definitely be hard at times! Therapy has been a game changer and has allowed me to accept myself as I am so that I can live my life to the fullest despite my difficulties.

[@grtormand3]

Can people be an act-out and act-in type?

[@onthelinecommunity]

Yes however it is not a common trait. The subtypes are also not black or white things. It's very normal for individuals who have BPD to exhibit some traits from all of the subtypes.

[@ohmandy6975]

Do you take any meds?

[@mitsukolanglais7909]

is that a disorder?

[@onthelinecommunity]

This isn’t an official disorder recognized within the DSM, it’s a subtype to BPD based on anecdotal evidence