Hypersexuality in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

In this video I'll be breaking what hypersexuality is, why it occurs in those who have BPD, the relation with masochism, as well as how to help with it.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Intro
0:41 What is Hypersexuality?
1:09 Why Does this Happen?
2:25 Relation with Hypersexuality and Personality Disorders
2:57 BPD and Hypersexuality
3:43 Masochism and BPD
6:13 Limit Your Triggers
7:50 Join Support Groups
8:04 Consulting Various Resources
8:25 Outro
Have you seen my previous video? Check it out » • BPD and the Process of...
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Disclaimer: This channel is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute a replacement for the practice of psychotherapy or other professional health care services. The use of information on this channel is at the user’s own risk. The content of this channel is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining professional advice for any conditions they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

[@GeminiPlatypus]

I'm happy to say that I overcame this after quitting substances and abstaining from intimacy outside of committed relationships. As I have been single for 2 years, I have also ben celibate for 2 years. I was diagnosed with BPD at 19 years old, and I am now 25, sober, celibate and in recovery

[@angel1xoxo]

I don't suggest reading the comments if you're currently in an episode. Maybe I am just speaking for myself only, but they are kind of triggering. Overall, this video was extremely helpful. Thank you ♡

[@Amandaborak01]

Thank you

[@cocoidiot]

I wish I had read this sooner. I was actually going through the comments and now I'm bawling my eyes out

[@Jay_Hendrix]

So I don't have BPD. I'm just some guy. But the girl I had my first sexual relationship with was an alcoholic, anorexic and a sex addict with a reputation as the town bicycle. And our relationship started basically because she came on incredibly strong towards me which was something I was totally unprepared for as some virgin guy. And shortly into the relationship she started going through gigantic emotional meltdowns around me, punching walls, screaming at the top of her lungs threatening to kill herself and even going as far as to burn herself on the stovetop right in front of me to make sure I could see and then using her nails to tear open the burn to guarantee an infection... And she was always very suspicious of me and accusing me of lusting after this teenager we worked with. And she was very controlling of me. I could boil it down to, if I wasn't spending every waking moment with her I was being a bad boyfriend. And after enduring that for 8 months I finally broke it off with her and have been dealing with nightmares about her still trying to get me to get back with her. I heard a description of BPD for the first time recently and felt my skin crawl since it sounded so similar to her. I don't hate this girl, because it was very clear to me that she was suffering deeply from some sort of trauma she refused to seek therapy for. I just feel really really bad for her... A big thing keeping me from leaving her was my instinct as a man to feel useful. The idea of leaving her made it feels like I was quitting on her, letting her down when she needed me most. But my family eventually intervened and told me that I can't take responsibility for her problems and that I need to let go. It felt like swallowing glass, but I knew they were right. It's just so God damn tragic is all... I wish things didn't have to be this way. It's been 2 years now since that relationship and I'm still honestly pretty messed up from it. I still wish I could help her in some way, but I just can't go through that pain anymore. I'm really sorry you all have to endure this sort of stuff everyday. I was just on the outside looking in, but you all live with this. Never forget that you're loved and valued by the people around you and that your true nature is that of the divine.

[@le_th_]

I'm so sorry this was your first experience with sex and relationships. A relationship with someone with BPD is one of the most toxic relationships an adult can ever experience in their life. I had my first one at aged 46, and it also took me years to get over it. Please, please, please, get yourself some hypnotherapy to help get that toxic relationship out of your brain. I kid you not, people like this can turn your life upside down so that you no longer recognize who you are as a human being. Some of them are damn near sociopaths in the way they destroy other people's lives. Some are far less toxic than you describe. My oldest sister has this disorder, and I would not wish her on any man. She has destroyed many a man, and I sincerely wish that were an exaggeration. Her first ex-husband ended up killing himself on their anniversary 3 years after they divorced. Her second ex-husband died of cancer after she divorced him, and he was one of the sweetest men I've ever met, and an incredibly healthy, strong athlete. These are just two of the men I know of...I often wonder how many other men she has left devastated. Please do take care of your own mental and physical health.

[@MyDuckSaysFucc]

That sounds traumatic. It’s true you can’t fix other people in relationships. And people need to be able to deal with their own shit before they date or they need to be able to manage their issues while dating. I have chronic pain and a lot of my emotional symptoms from that align with bpd. When I was with my ex I always said it was ok to leave. I was never abusive but I did have mental breakdowns and dealt with serious issues that were hard for anyone to witness. It’s unfortunate because diagnosis don’t exactly define a person, if you are aware and make an effort and maintain reasonable boundaries you can have a healthy relationship. A lot of people with BPD also have other type b personality disorders or bipolar, so there can be a lot going on for them i someone else could have a milder form like quiet bpd. It’s hard to see people talk about bpd because as someone curios about wether I could meet the criteria, I find myself thinking I couldn’t possibly have it because of the extreme behavior of people with the severe kind. It is a truly awful diagnosis but I hope that everyone with it can learn to manage it, especially when there is abusive behavior involved. Sorry you went through that.

[@lobsterbisque7567]

Good Mitchy I feel You. I was in a very similar relationship but it was long distance, and I lasted 4mos. My ex wasn't as dramatic, but she called me constantly. For fun, I decided to keep a record of the amount of time we spent talking over the phone/face time calls. it got up to 12hrs a day. The day after returning home from my first visit, she sent me a text full of shaming language for refusing her advances: 'When I dropped my car off at the mechanic, all the guys were staring at me(b/c she was dressed provacatively)! I realized that I could have any one of them that I wanted!' When I confronted her with her own words from a previous conversation about wanting to change, and her sexual proclivities as a good place to start her only reply was alarming: 'It may be empty sex, but at least I know I'm wanted!!' At the time, we had only been speaking for almost a month🤯🤯🤯 Like Your ex, my ex was also known to be very promiscuous, so her ability to pair bond with a man was completely gone long before I ever met her. Needless to say, the similarities between both of our exes are eye opening! Esp. both women's refusal to get help, hence change or grow. My heart goes out to you, Brotha! I pray that Your healing will be complete, and that You will be free of any self blame & self guilt soon. For awhile, I felt reponsible for her well being & happiness as well. But I turned to trusted friends & other loved ones and poured my energy into building into & enriching their lives. I also started journalling to record all of my thoughts, reflections, and emotions from one day to the next. Sometimes even writing multiple entries in the same day(sometimes, Paper is more patient than people) If I can make a recommendation that really helped me with the cold hard truth ofrelationships with a borderline: The ONE THING that Heals BPD & NPD abuse. Some of it may be hard to hear b/c He is so blunt, but Michael William Denney really helped me with the facts I needed to remember to heal myself. He is a BPD abuse survivor himself. Take Care, Brother, Please let me know if that channel was helpful.

[@kristinrichmond8185]

I’m sorry that was your first experience. Be aware of the red flags. They are ALWAYS there. You said she had a reputation of sleeping around. Avoid women like this, as they are very troubled people.

[@lobsterbisque7567]

Good Mitchy Sorry, I got the name & the channel wrong. I changed it to the right name & channel at the end of my oroginal comment. Take Care!

[@CerealianJay17]

I have bpd but am incredibly sexually sadistic and hypersexual. This was really informative and helpful and was kinda exactly what i needed to hear.

[@e_eulogy942]

Same. Top leaning Sadomasochist. 🙃

[@bad.chickie66]

Why did you say “but” when the video is exactly what you said you are?

[@tinaconde1491]

Omg I have never ever put this together. When diagnosed with BPD a few years ago everything finally made since. Alcoholism was my biggest problem but hypersexuality started at 13 for me. Though sober for 20 months now and properly medicated I still have hypersexuality from time to time. What I never put together was the pain I've enjoyed during sex. And I mean almost every single time I have sex I have to have some sort of pain inflicted. I have described this before as almost like a high/rush. Now I wonder if this is even healthy. Interesting. Will definitely be discussing with my therapist. Very informative.

[@Matthew-cp2eg]

The unhealthy aspect isn't the pain. it's how you approach it. If you have low self worth and seek one to cause the pain, make you feel shame, as a means to reinforce a negative view of yourself... that's when it's a bad aspect. if you enjoy the physical sensation and pleasure, then it's a good thing and isn't a need to "punish yourself" it's all bout why you engage in this than the actual act itself.

[@TheHouseElf]

It's a complicated thing. There are healthy, risk-mitigating ways for people to be poly/nonmonogamous, queer, into kink and BDSM and whatnot. Generally all of those subcultures prioritize mental health and awareness of triggers, despite the stigma of it being the exact opposite. I have always felt safe and accepted unconditionally in those spaces. Internalized shame and sexual suppression can contribute to this too I think, like the only way you can move into your intimate self is through some self-harm circuit instead of self-acceptance and responsibility. It takes some profound insight to ask yourself *why* you're doing a particular thing and if you really see your partner(s) as equal people.

[@onthelinecommunity]

What a great way of putting it! Thanks for sharing :)

[@ralphey8189]

Not true

[@bicyclelife7088]

I had a fiance with BPD and she would search the internet for random people to have really weird sex. It was like she couldn't control it. It was almost like it fed some need for attention. She would do it at work, with her kid at home, on vacation. She would just disappear and do the most depraved stuff with totally random people. She lost jobs because of it, she would do stuff in her office or with co-workers and get caught. Eventually I had to break it off. I couldn't be part of it, or support her behavior. People who haven't had to deal with it can't understand.

[@wordandwater9027]

It’s great seeing an upload from you every Monday 😊

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks for the support ☺️

[@GunDaddy818]

Great video Kayla, your info is really helpful to people.

[@_SunscreenQueen_]

I never connected my BPD with my hyper sexuality. Omg I totally understand that craving for attention from boys wow

[@JeanneMimi]

You really help me a lot with these video's. Thank you!

[@davidcarpenter8741]

Sex is a good short term substitute for love.

[@sashaglaser7743]

I love your videos! Thank you so much for all your work:)

[@onthelinecommunity]

Aww thank you so much 🥰

[@leehess6335]

I’m not even done listening to your video and you have so much knowledge then a dr

[@charlesbromberick4247]

The hypersexuality is the reason many of us put up with the many negatives of being with a BPDér. It is something about myself which disappoints me, but that´s how it was. The big fallacy was that the later sex was only the shadow of earlier ecstacy.

[@hakametal]

It's never about mutual intimacy, they don't know how to be vulnerable and intimate with their partners. Sex for them is an act of pleasure, it's like a performance or an act. It's never anything deeper and meaningful.

[@charlesbromberick4247]

Sad but true.@@hakametal

[@dah_goofster]

@@hakametalbro you’re mixing up NPD and BPD

[@hakametal]

@@dah_goofster Cluster B is one giant soup. Too much overlap with disorders within the cluster. BPD and NPD have a lot of overlap.

[@dah_goofster]

@@hakametal I agree with you but I still disagree with what you said about sex relating to BPD specifically. That is textbook NPD not BPD. NPD has doesn’t give a shit about your feelings it’s just an ego boost. for the BPD it’s almost completely opposite we go above and beyond and your emotion feeds into our emotion even more amplifying the sex. We try so hard and love so good so that you will never ever abandon us, you will never ever hurt us, you will fit perfectly into the idealized version we have created and be our savior. It does depend on the reason for the sex since we could also just be using you to cheat on the other person, but generally that’s my experience.

[@unregisteredassaultbutterk1185]

I used to hook up with so many people at a moments notice, and whenever I left feeling unsatisfied I'd burn myself with a cigarette

[@grtormand3]

Wow this explains a lot!

[@davidwitt9375]

thanks again for the great information i hope one day i can pass on and maybe use it for myself

[@AlexSantF]

This hits extremely close to home. I didn't even realize..

[@khoakdoan]

My ex with BPD broke up with me on Valentine's day and immediately got with another guy she was secretly talking to during our relationship. And I know for sure they are getting it on like we used to.

[@jimfoster7986]

Consider yourself lucky that she’s not your problem anymore.

[@Matthew-cp2eg]

her needs weren't being filled, you're better off

[@loki6821]

I usually quite handle myself on this aspects but sometimes my impulse control might be absolute trash one day and it happens. The thing I hate the most about this is that lately I am going for a close friend and I feel really bad afterwards as in I don't know how much I am playing with his feelings and how I set a boundary but I myself jump over it. I absolutely hate hate hate it because I don't even enjoy sex

[@widehotep9257]

BPD is mostly caused by children being psychologically scarred by experiencing unstable, broken families. If you want to prevent this hell from happening to other people, stay married and put your children first. Protect them, love them, encourage them, and forgive them.

[@EclecticallyEccentric]

Yes, but no. Some marriages cannot be salvaged. Sometimes staying together is more damaging to children (and the parents) than a divorce. An unstable environment is not necessarily more stable because parents are under the same roof.

[@widehotep9257]

@@EclecticallyEccentric Most of the divorces I've seen were people who got bored or irritated with their spouse, then decided to leave their family for another person. In other words, they abandoned their marriage vows as soon as they encountered a slight obstacle. Most of these people could have easily saved their marriages and fallen back in love with their spouse. But most divorcees don't really try very hard to fix things once they've decided to leave. And they don't seem to care about the misery and destruction they cause for their children. My father didn't.

[@EclecticallyEccentric]

​​​@@widehotep9257And some people try, very hard, and it still doesn't work. Sometimes continuing to try is the wrong move. Some people want it to work and are trying as hard as they're able, but are only equipped with what they know. If someone can't or won't accept that their way isn't working, there is little hope for that relationship. And the longer they stay in a relationship that's not working or salvageable without major change, the worse it is for the child. My father did try, he tried very hard, and at one point so did my mother. But they both had a lot of their own issues, and neither of them had learned what a healthy relationship looked like. They stayed together through a lot of obstacles, longer than was really good for myself or my sibling, not to mention them. They separated and got back together several times, and seeing the toll it took on his children was what got my father to finally decide to divorce. Now, I'm pretty sure he had BPD himself, but he had to choose, and he loved us more than his marriage to my mother.

[@hibarry2742]

Let’s leave the advice to the professionals

[@karolinawilk7178]

Or don't make kids

[@Ryanfnaf]

I’m 36 and have been dealing with this since 15. I do it seeking validation and after I feel like poop. Its a cycle its horrible. I also romanticize the person way too much

[@sethmonroe]

I call it PPD , ( post party depression)

[@andyveres3982]

Ty Kayla! 🌞

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course ☺️

[@pops1pops178]

You nailed it

[@Kreepie11]

Lol I feel like I've solved this quandary. I met a wonderful man who is GOOD. A very good person. And he's also into kink! He'll let me play out a version of my fantasy, and then gives cuddles afterwards. I hope to anyone reading this that you have found, or will soon, someone who is good for and to you. Someone that understands you're not just your symptoms. 💙

[@onthelinecommunity]

Glad you found someone who loves you unconditionally!

[@mwh3227]

I've pretty much came to the same conclusion. My wife is BPD. We've moved on to more of an open relationship but do tend to play together (as least as far as I know). I think that this has helped. It's like if the fruit is forbidden, she wants it more. If is is out there and readily available, she tended to lose interest. Seeing her with other men, in a weird way, has seemed to help me to get rid of my suspicions and jealousy! And, in a strange way has helped me to deal with this nightmare!

[@hillaryconsultingservices]

I hope so. I’ve had periods years of abstinence because once I have sex I want it all the time. I went someone who will choke me a little, poor candle wax on me, do naked yoga. I have joy but desire sex. I pray to God. I go to therapy. No more narcissist I’ve loved them hard and been left to heal alone!

[@danielepp3113]

BPD - By Popular Demand. I love BPDs.

[@3005511]

Then you’ll love me. I’m BPD to the max lol

[@danielepp3113]

@@3005511 I already do! 😂

[@3005511]

@@danielepp3113 Wish we could talk more lol, may I ask what it is you love about us? 😅 I think guys really like how good we are in bed. I think that’s really important 😂😂

[@flashlight.17]

@@danielepp3113 borderline too but male😂

[@NovemberMe5213]

I misread the title. That was a shock.

[@user-qq7wf2ie8o]

I have BPD and had hypersexual issues for years. I finally got it under control when I turned 38 now 42. Its a daily struggle.

[@mwh3227]

I found out that my wife had BPD, multiple boyfriends, and hypersexuality! Definitely not a good thing!

[@Child_of_woe_1994]

I've got BPD and I've noticed a lot of people with BPD also explore BDSM and yeah I'm not ashamed to say I also fall into this but for me I was into it long before my diagnosis but the more I looked into it it all made sense

[@tugnormoustuglicous1303]

Boys have fun and 🏃‍♂️. Do not stay run just run

[@jaypal3815]

... wow. This is me. I think it's time I get some help with this. I thought maybe it was just lust, but now I'm starting to see its something unhealthy and empty driving me. Eshh.

[@bryanlahusky4478]

I have BPD and overly sexual people scare tf out of me. Makes me sick actually I’m on the complete opposite side. 1 person only casual sex made normal by society is nearly impossible for me to cope with. I don’t trust anyone because of it.

[@HomeAtLast501]

I dated a BPD who was the hottest woman I ever dated, and the sexiest. She was unbelievable.

[@battragon]

Still no help groups for people who suffer from sexual oppression? ^^

[@jennifergross5195]

I am BPD, I am 61 years old. I was very impulsive with sex. I quit sex. I miss sex but I can not manage my emotions with it.

[@GiftFromGod]

I would basically go as low and harmful on the sex as possible to just have sex at all at this point. I don't consider myself awfully much in the hypersexuality spectrum but hyperactive sex drive or being a bit of a nymph on the other hand. just that I dpn't sleep around due to shame, uncertainty and lack of confidence which makes hard to get hard so to speak. so yeah, imagine my sexual frustration from not having sex with anyone the last 5 years.. I don't think I'll make it to next year (in my overall misery) FML I hate it

[@wendi2819]

You are so beautiful, both inside and out. You seem like you'd be so sweet and nice in person.

[@dhadbaoui]

How do you stop it?

[@Matthew-cp2eg]

need to work through the BPD. it's like binge eating, you so want to be satisfied by the cake, while the cake is good and you can't stop eating it... there's still an emptiness you're left with even though you may feel full... it didn't nurouish you. need to find that nurouishment you really need and not the easy

[@agnotwot7997]

I just left my wife of 15 years because of this. She has been cheating non stop for years and I've just put up with it cause we have kids. The guy she's with now has her living in a van with her and they cut each other during sex. She even told me I did not understand her "love" language. Between that and her non stop drinking and meth use I was done. She's now facing trial for two violent felonies and I just want her away from our kids and I.

[@Dom8160]

👄

[@yinsyangs]

oh the fun of meeting a transgressive bpd when you're bpd too! don't let your walls down too far, you will get burnt by them if you aren't careful.

[@GLC-1979]

hmm, mine is so bad I can't even watch the video because a blonde is looking at me. Sorry, wish I could even focus on the content. I'm too far gone.

[@dalesmith663]

Yeah. My wife. About be ex.

[@grayhalf1854]

Stay strong brother 🙏

[@dalesmith663]

@@grayhalf1854 thank you. She's toxic

[@Tailionis]

I'm an incel with bpd. I wish my sleeping pills would work already

[@milliecruz7181]

Non of that is gonna fix this . Give it to God!

[@h3artcrush985]

wtf is god gonna do 😭

[@lozgod]

I love Borderlines. Funnest women on Earth. Just don't fall in love.

[@ktryushi4744]

My brother is good looking, he’s 35. But he can’t stand women when they have high body counts because he’s a virgin. When he meen none virgin women who already broke up with his boyfriend and they come to him. He become really aggressive, we’re talking here domestic issues here and start to belittle them, abuse them, how ugly they’re and break their low self-esteem, sometimes he punch them. He snapped these days. He’s behaving this for 2 years now repeatedly. I told him go to seek a therapist he don’t want too. He has a personality disorder but i don’t know what kind of personality disorder he has….He show absolutely no remorse, no empathy for women…I am guessing he’s a borderline misogynistic with psychopathic behavior….His character is just changed, totally different personality….Thanks for the video. I learned a lot about borderline.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks for sharing your experience! A proper mental health evaluation would be needed to diagnose his condition.

[@ktryushi4744]

@@onthelinecommunity Well, he don’t want to seek a therapist, that’s the problem. Thanks for the comment, have a lovely day.

[@teresaz7152]

I wonder if he's gay and ashamed of it and takes it out women?

[@cori1302]

Sounds dangerous Escalating pattern of behavior. Maybe ask police and definitely get him some kind of counseling.

[@isaidwtfover]

@@cori1302 Oh yeah....get the police involved. That'll help.

[@justiceisCLEAR]

I'm BDP Self Destructive and completely Suicidal , screwed up, with self-loathing that utterly destroyed all self esteem. However as screwed up as I am, I can't help but think to myself how sexy thi womN here.