6 Ways to Easily Identify Quiet BPD

In this video I'll be breaking down 6 simply ways to easily identify quiet BPD.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Intro
0:50 What is Quiet BPD?
2:00 Frequent Mood Swings
3:10 Problematic People-Pleasing
4:33 Self-blame
5:34 Fear of Emotional Intimacy
6:44 Suppressing Emotions
8:34 Appearing High-Functioning
11:16 Outro
Have you seen my previous video? Check it out » • Why Do We Love Toxic R...
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Disclaimer: This channel is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute a replacement for the practice of psychotherapy or other professional health care services. The use of information on this channel is at the user’s own risk. The content of this channel is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining professional advice for any conditions they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

[@LDrosophila]

Others may not know you're raging, but you're raging on the inside.

[@Alwayslearnimg]

So much

[@LaGrossePaulik]

I once said my psychiatrist that I never get upset or angry. But after some sessions, I discovered that I do indeed: it's just not directed to others, but myself. And I got a lot of burning rage inside.

[@alilih3652]

Literally!!! I be flipping tables and breaking shit and throwin shit and screaming at ppl in my head. Like when we internalize it’s not always pushing it directly on ourselves and It can and for many ppl is just that their holdin in the emotions. Like when ur sad ur just feeling so fuckin sad but holding it in so hard so u don’t cry or when ur mad it’s like ur screaming at everyone u see but in ur head not necessarily just screaming at urself bc ur mad

[@watedt0live4awhile]

the devil and god are raging inside me

[@simritjitkaur3322]

I would blame myself and at the same time rage against that feeling and just disappear from friendships, then one day all my fears did come true, friends left, I failed after graduating, im still here

[@maureenseel118]

People with quiet BPD can sometimes still sometimes blow up... But we tend to hold it in and mostly turn inward... But eventually we snap and can't handle the emotions. I snap at my spouse and split on him sometimes.

[@SovereignRulerDoomward]

I get irrationally angry but I don't generally lash out when other people can see me, usually it's just by myself and it can get very bad :/

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you for sharing your experience!!

[@brittmichels2]

Same !

[@mcjibbo6100]

Feeling the same. I could never break my character in public but if i'm at home i loose completely control.

[@kyliejones8827]

Me too. For me, these solitary outbursts (sometimes accompanied by self-harm) are usually triggered by shame, frustration or anger-inducing interaction with someone.

[@SillhouetteSonata]

There’s also a shame about losing your cool in public that comes with it and then when I was by myself I’d literally beat myself up because I told myself I was just attention seeking by crying

[@xXace_0f_heartsXx]

I literally just got out of a therapy appt. where we went over the fact that she was worried abt how much of a ppl pleaser I am and how I downplay my trauma not to invalidate myself but to make it more palatable for others and make them more comfortable. Every single point made me stop and realize that I do that but I thought it was just an anxiety thing or something, I never realized how disfunctional my relationships were until I saw healthy ones and those still don't seem real to me really.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks for sharing your insight!

[@chi1610]

thank you sm for your comment, i really resonated and saw myself in the things you’re saying and it’s helping me see things more clearly so thank you

[@dramatriangle]

Thanks Ace of Hearts for explaining with this level of detail. I had mostly quiet BPD/acting-in for 38 years and then it became a lot more like stereotypical BPD for short periods depending on my hormonal and financial stresses. Thankfully I'm just over 40 now and the symptoms tend to calm with age. 😅I'm so thankful for this. I still gave very bad parts of days that usually last less than half an hour, and spurts of panic attacks. Maybe now I can begin getting to trust and know myself better. I've always hoped to find love in my 60's. Send good thoughts my way if you want to! I need all the help the universe might offer.

[@LM-sv9cd]

​@@dramatriangle hope you reach all of your dreams and be content with yourself one day !!

[@meondenman]

@@dramatriangle sincerely glad to hear you are finding helpful things in your 40's. I remember that time, I'm 55 years old now. Best unsolicited advice I can give is to learn now about your adrenals and how to keep cortisol down. Peri-menopause comes for everyone born with a uterus. Those hormone storms kick the Neurodivergent Central Nervous System (and adrenals) extra hard. Made my previously managable BPD symptoms go frikin wacka-wow-wow! Knowledge is power, cycling is the best medicine I have found.

[@tystkanin9996]

Wait...you mean there ARE other people in the world like me?!? Please keep making these videos. The connection I feel right now is not anything I've felt before...something I have needed for a long time.

[@onthelinecommunity]

That’s so kind, of course I’ll keep making these! 🥰

[@remixxfilmart6044]

❤

[@healwithkaylie]

today i fell over my dog on a walk and his foot got a cut on it. this happened at 10 am. it’s now 4pm and i haven’t stopped crying and apologizing to him bc i feel like such a horrible person. then i remembered people saying i might have quiet bpd bc these long lasting intense emotions aren’t “normal”. i’ve been watching a few videos about this just crying. everything i’ve done in my life is usually caused by an intense emotion. last week i just cancelled my therapist bc she said something i hated and i kept obsessing over it for DAYS and then just cancelled. it’s hard to accept that i could have this and that i may need “help” though. because i’ve always felt that i could help myself because no one ever understands me

[@wowsports8800]

Fear of emotional intimacy and suppressing emotions is me to the bone. I've said those exact words to my therapist and close friends. People are not ready to deal or even know the extent of my emotions and I know they're not, and I also know I crafted my persona in such a subconscious manner that I fear, even though they're my most loved people on the world and that they're the closest to me, I will inevitably crush this image of myself, so I isolate for days, maybe weeks so I can only show up in "my best version" in fear they'll leave me if I let my bad mood "slip". At the same time, when I'm alone by myself, I can't really tell what's going on. I may think I'm perfectly fine untill I write about it, and then I realize and sob because I didn't knew what I was going through lmao. Sometimes I think I'm great but then I find myself not showering, or not being able to get out of bed and things like that, these are the clues I have I may not be doing well.

[@avosquirrel231]

I call "appearing high functioning" compartmentalizing, it was developed as a survival strategy. I can normally maintain it unless I go into a full dissociative state.

[@onthelinecommunity]

That’s a good way to put it

[@1968leg]

I found this vid extremely accurate for my diagnosis of high functioning BPD. Except I created this perfect person which stems from childhood, not because of praise but to avoid physical abuse. If you're the perfect child then you think you may be spared another beating. This has continued into adulthood and for me, is the entire basis of having BPD. Everything I do in life always goes back to this.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@swart121]

I agree its the samr for me i avoid conflict at all cost and if any does happen i always feel its my fault mine might be from my childhood trauma would like to have a professional answer but im afraid of mentioning something. I did make a joke about it a wile ago yet was very serious to mask it again coming across as pleasing others all the time and dont want to feel like the outsider

[@1968leg]

@swart121 it's because we're a slave to shame. We also do everything to avoid being triggered. This is why people with quiet BPD tend to avoid conflict. We're only really scared of ourselves.

[@swart121]

@@1968leg that is very true

[@taurean6201]

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. I just found out about my bpd. When my husband and I first got together, i tested him and pushed him away a lot. I can't believe it took this long to learn what's been wrong with me. I've been so confused and lost for so long. I still have a hard time believing he loves me.

[@onthelinecommunity]

That sounds like it must of been very difficult, we’re here for you ❤️

[@Raven_Black_252]

I got chills watching this. I always knew something was wrong with me but whatever type of disorder or condition I've looked into, nothing quite fit. I always had a lot of anxiety, most of the time for no reason, and at the age of 17 (which was the most difficult year of my entire life) I had my first and also the worst panic attack in my life. I later had more panic attacks, I wanted to die for a long time but the moment I had that first panic attack it was like a complete shift I couldn't explain or control. It felt like I was dying (I mean that's what a panic attack feels like) and after that point I did not give a fuck about anything. I had friends who treated me terribly and the next day I unfriended all of them, there was one person who was still kind of my friend but also did not oppose those who treated me badly and did not stood up for me. I thought, I'm no longer having anyone leave me so I'm gonna fucking leave you if you are also with them and that's what I said. You are either with them or with me, and if you're not with me, then get the fuck out of my life, I said. Even though this fits the splitting of bpd, pushing people away, etc. It was necessary. I got better after taking them out of my life. They were no good friends. One of them made me do her sister's online exam during the pandemic, I couldn't say no the first time but for the next exam, she again wanted to make me do it. I said no this time, and she did not take it as a no, insisted I do it. I said no, and after that she left me. She has been my friend for 15 years. She just left me because I did not do something that wasn't even my responsibility in the first place. What if her sister never had me? She would have to sit her ass down and study for that exam. They just wanted the easy way out. But life has never been easy for me. I could never ask for help even in situations I need and deserve it, let alone assert my dominance on someone the way she did. I always felt like a burden for everyone, even my mom, even though she is very loving and caring. I felt ashamed of feeling that way, I felt guilt because she did not do anything wrong to me as a loving mother, so why do I feel like a burden even to her? She also has panic attacks and diagnosed with anxiety. She had a hard life and did everything in her power to give me a good life. My dad, his mother and sister all abandoned me when I was born. I always felt like I was so easy to be discarded. Then I found about bpd, and even though the underlying abandonment fits, I did not have impulsive and angry outbursts. I had anger and rage though, I used to punch the walls sometimes but it only hurt my knuckles, not someones face. My mom said I was "fiery" sometimes in the way I talk, but I'd never raise my voice and never personally insult anyone, just get mad at other things or situations. But it was never directed to people. Mostly I'd be mad at my own inabilities. And these seemed to fit the quiet type. I had dissociation and I thought that was because of my anxiety and panic attacks, but even when I did not have symptoms of panic or anxiety attacks, I'd still have this numbness in my body, feeling like I'm watching my life from the backseat, not knowing what I'm feeling most of the time, and not feeling much most of the time. I also always hated myself for how much I physically looked like my dad, and sometimes wanted to not die but simply disappear. I wished to have never been born. I planned to end my life, but I couldn't do it because I thought I can't have my mom go through that pain, that's selfish of me. I already did not want to be a burden, and my dead body would be an even bigger burden. The fact that, as a mother, her child killed herself and her love wasn't enough to keep her alive... I thought that would destroy her. I did not have the right to make her doubt herself and blame herself like that. So I did not do it, though I wished to have a car accident or something or have a natural illness so it could have ended without me doing the action. I sometimes walked into traffic with my eyes closed, hoping some drunk driver would hit me. It never happened. Then i though this is also selfish of me, what if the innocent driver has a family and they get charged with murder because of me, and his family and kids would have to live without a parent? I lived without a dad, and I wouldn't wish the same life for someone else. So I stopped doing that too. No one in my life knows any of these. I only told my mom that I had panic attack 4 years later than it happened. I couldn't even tell that to her when it first happened, feared that it would upset her. No one knows I planned suicide, no one knew I was dying inside, no one knew what I was feeling. People just knew me as a fairly moody person, but not depressed. Everyone thought I was just introverted or something, and that's all. I could never tell. But now it all fits. This is the one thing that fits all the way, like a bullseye. I probably won't be going to seek help for this, because i still fear it would make my mom sad and she would blame herself a lot for me having some sort of a disorder. I also don't have money either. But I have an idea about what all this means now, I will search online to at least learn more and help myself. Thank you, now I know. And sorry, this was a long comment but I had to kind of get it out there.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing! ❤️

[@dangalangslanger1254]

My ex gf was telling me about how she was before the first panic attack she had. I think she was around 18 or 20. Like there was a switch and she was a different person afterwards.

[@chi1610]

i just wanted to say thank you so much for your comment. it makes me feel so much less alone

[@hermoonchild]

This was really helpful as I relate SO MUCH

[@InnasWorld]

Thank you for sharing about your difficult life! You seem so very strong, not the "having to be strong on the outside"-strong, but some other sort... where you are willing to keep informing yourself, until you might be able to afford professional help and support. You will bloom like a beautiful lotus flower, coming out of the mud, I hope this for you! I think for me the penny really dropped today. It feels incredibly calming inside, the possibility, that what I've been living, might be quiet BPD and that my search has finally come to fruition... Maybe another chapter starts for me right this moment. Wishing you all the best

[@anonymousneko2550]

My favorite person left me 5 months ago, (3 years of relationship) I hurt him big time by constantly mistrusting him, blocking, unfollowing, ignoring his messages, text and calls. I pushed him too far that he decided to leave me permanently. I don't want to get into any relationship or get so Dependent and attached to the point that i became obsessed with someone, knowing that i probably have BPD (tho i'm not getting any diagnosis yet) I don't want to get hurt and hurt someone again unitentionally.

[@jazziblu3]

Idk about anyone else but I am more in between quiet and loud if that is a type. My mask started breaking down over the years. I was pleasant around strangers, coworkers, managers but deep down I was spiraling and trying to appear like I was functioning which I clearly was not. It would show in my performance. I was tardy, sometimes absent, school as well. I mainly showed my true self to ppl who were closest to me or romantic interests. I am more quiet but I can if triggered have angry outbursts and break downs. This fawning is something new and it is something I have done a lot.

[@johnnatandc]

High functioning Quiet BPD with 50/50 Hyperactive and Hyperinattentive ADHD guy over here... I am 42 yo but was recently diagnosed with these after a sever burnout episode last year due to a a level of stress so big that fractured the last remaining defenses that I had and made these demons come out at full force. Now they are out f control. It has been a ride. It seems that I had these two since I was kiddo but as I have extremelly demanding parents and I was also a fixed in success I found ways to apparently cope with all the symptoms... I thought that all that I had inside was normal for everyone and could not understand why ppl behave the way they behave when it was totally normal... but in reality I learned just recently that it was only me and/or ppl like me that see the world the way I see it and feel it the way i feel it. I was left speechless... but suddenly understood why ppl was not able to keep up the pace. I have learned to always move forward no matter what... so even in the engine was on fire, the hull of my batlleship was broken and on fire, and everything was exploding inside out... I would keep moving forward charging into the enemy... it seems that due to this I was able to cope with all the crap, including the Major Clinical Depression and Severy Anxiety Disorder that have plagued my existence since a very long time ago. At this moment, my brain, nervous system, my body in overall, my spirit... are all borken and tired. I am under medications that help with a few symptoms and not all, but they add secondary effects that I did not have to deal with before. My emotions are on a hellish carrousel and I can only feel numbess, boredom, or extreme anger towards everyone... but all directed to myself. I dont find it fair to harm or hurt others, so that energy is directed to myself... I used to meditate and observe a huge forest with several castles, everything green and flourishing... nowdays... I only see a wasteland... everything is in ruins and full of radiation, desolation and sickness... like if my innner world was nuked over and over again... I stand on a crumbled down fortress.. that keep safe a few things that I think are critical for me... but the only defense is myself against the hordes of my corrupted self. I stand tired with my body armor torned to pieces and a broken tower shield, placed in front of me holding the enemies while my broken sword keep the enemies at the gates.

[@LaGrossePaulik]

As someone with quiet bpd (now getting way better through the years), one of the things that still bother me apart from anxiety is the people pleasing aspect. I litteraly always nod when people talk, it's automatic for me, and if someone says "oh I've seen this movie" I'd say '"oh me too!" Not because i want to lie, but because I want the other person to consider me. I always go with the flow, plus it reinforces this idea that I have no"personality" (because of the chameleon strategy), it's hard for me to do otherwise because of fear of rejection. Still working on that but it's hard!

[@todddanforth8853]

I've been to several therapists over many years. They always just accepted my original diagnosis of anxiety and depression -- not very helpful. Now, after listening to many hours of psych education like this, I'm quite convinced that I have Quiet BPD. How in the world does one get a specific diagnosis from a "professional"???????

[@youcancallmesteph]

Wow. I never understood myself (I’m 34).. this is me. I never quite “fit” bipolar disorder, but I knew that something wasn’t right. I always thought i was the problem 😢 thank you 🙏🏽💜

[@alisham.francois2836]

I hear you 100% , I'm 35 and have lived my life to date feeling like I'm not like everyone else ,yet others don't understand because they see this outwardly high functioning person. What a relief, I started to believe I was insane tbh 😅

[@grantlaurence2060]

@@alisham.francois2836 yep....just opening up to me now

[@OdinWright]

Not only do I believe I have undiagnosed BPD (specifically the quiet type), but I'm starting to believe my ex might have figured it out years ahead of me. She's still a good friend to this day and I think I might understand why.

[@Kristen10-22]

DANG GIRL!!!! U NAILED IT! How do I know? Lifelong quiet bpd here! 13yrs in trauma therapy. Yep I don’t ever want to hurt anyone verbally.. inward rage 😡 U nailed it

[@BanFamilyVlogging]

I don’t think I have BPD, but I am Autistic with ADHD, & I really relate to some of this; especially the emotional masking. I don’t even think about it; I’ll be miserable & sad all day when I’m by myself, but as soon as I see other people, I’m immediately all smiles & high energy. I don’t know how to turn it off. Thank you for sharing this 💜

[@grantlaurence2060]

Been wondering what is wrong, why I cannot have a stable, intimate relationship that I'm not 'playing at' ... that I allow in, that I fully (I mean fully!!) commit to and that I'm also authentic in. And, after a great deal of soul searching and tears -- here it might be --- I check ALL the boxes. No pride. Just hard truth and now I seek professional confirmation and help. Not least of all for my beautiful, innocent children.

[@meadow6778]

I once responded to a text my boyfriend sent me, but when I was typing it, I felt myself lash out and shout at him in my head and I thought that's how my text came across. I immediately apologised and he said that my text was fine. I have having a whole fight with him in my head (if that makes sense) it felt like my head was exploding.

[@apparently_sonam]

out of all my research and trauma work, I haven't heard my quiet bpd talked about so clearly and shortly. Your videos mirror and talk about it so well.

[@yoselinsoto4877]

Watching this video made me cry, I always new there was something wrong with me but never knew what, since I never been to a psychologist. I started doing research and found out that I have quiet BPD, compulsive disorder,paranoid personality disorder, among others

[@1968leg]

You're not alone. Others may not understand us, but we understand each other ❤️

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you for sharing, you aren’t alone ❤️

[@yaez4688]

Thanks for the video. I’m not diagnosed but quiet bpd is where I’ve felt most completely understood. Your explanation of the fawn response and high-functioning nearly brought me to tears. Your videos have been giving me more confidence and easing some of my anxiety on my mental health journey. I’m hoping to find the courage to talk to a professional soon just for some answers and guidance. Thanks again~

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course 😊

[@msnglink1]

This is so very very similar to autistic traits. I relate to everything you mentioned, but am diagnosed with autism - which includes sensory overwhelm, social confusion and executive dysfunction. I'd advice people who are diagnosed with ADHD and are looking at BPD to check out autism as well. There's a 50-80% chance of ADHD people also having autism. Women are much more likely to be diagnosed with BPD rather than autism.

[@avtaras]

I agree, and I think that people with ASD are more likely to have Quiet BPD

[@tetrahexaeder6312]

I heard about the Fawning response in another video and they called it the Bambi-reflex. I thought this is a really fitting name! I had my own very problematic history with the fawning behaviour, even to the point where I was manipulated and emotionally invalidated a lot (also by other, more narcissistic and impulsive, BPD type folks). But I have a feeling that it got better. I have a better sense for my boundaries and can set them easier nowadays. It was a long way nonetheless to reach this point. Thank you for talking about the fawning response. Many people don't even know about it or tend to forget about it when talking about trauma.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for the nice comment, I appreciate it very much 💗

[@sef1117atuncw]

After 38 yrs and MANY different diagnoses, its so nice to figure out what is truly "wrong" with me....for the first time in years I have a little hope things can get better....

[@onthelinecommunity]

Things will get better ❤️

[@patriksvensson2360]

It's interesting to hear these cues spoken about in this context. Many were familiar to me, yet I've always assumed that it was normal (to some extent). Later in life I've been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD with a hint of autistic traits and have come to understand that some, if not all, of my experiences can be explained by going undiagnosed for my entire life (meaning that I couldn't operate properly and did a piss poor job of compensating for it), but the truly fascinating part is that this sounds fairly plausible too. Do I believe that I have QBPD? No, not necessarily. My point is that, to me, it seems that an awful lot of these disorders have overlapping symptoms that make it incredibly difficult to pinpoint what's going on.

[@dani1366631]

Thank you ❤ Was diagnosed with BPD this week (also have ADHD yay), such a relief to finally understand why I'm like this and I can better know and work to help myself and the ones who love me. I relate to all you shared... Happy to have found you and your channel, thank you thank you thank you ❤❤❤

[@Alwayslearnimg]

I was in a relationship with a person who had BPD. On and off for many years. Abuse. So much abuse. Put that together with my family never talking about emotions or acknowledging emotions in any healthy way, if you have me. I am such a mess. And I had no idea quiet BPD existed. I knew my ex had BPD. But not because they went for help I got a diagnosis. It was because I read about it myself and they checked off every single box from the DSM. My therapist apparently has no idea that I have quiet BPD But this describes me perfectly. Thank you so much. I’m not that old but I’m getting older. I don’t want to go the rest of my life without having this directly addressed in therapy

[@jhunsuc1239]

Thank you for this video. It is so easy to believe that I am the only one struggling with this, that I am the odd one out, that no one else in the world understands what this feels like.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course ☺️

[@phomes5768]

This was very very helpful, thanks so much!! I am currently trying to stop people pleasing and speak my truth. This is especially hard in front of my romantic partner as I always feel that she will leave me as soon she sees the real "flawed" me. In the past I used to fear judgement and being seen as "bad" as if I was a 2 year old boy being afraid of mom's rage. Now with a calm and understanding partner I slowly open up and become the human that I really am.

[@onthelinecommunity]

I’m glad to see you’ve been able to open up and express yourself!

[@nitz3012]

I’m worried I may have abandoned a quiet bpd. She has a tendency to verbal abuse. I had just asked her to not drop her dog off on the weekends since I have him all week long. I said it as gently as I could as I know she’s highly critical but she lost it. She told me that I was behaving manipulative and passive aggressive and I was a terrible friend and trying to control her. So I said I needed some space and asked her to find a new place for her dog (which she never paid me for watching, but that’s not a big deal) anyway I am so worried she is self loathing now because of this outburst and the outcome of it now. I want to reach out but I am unsure if I will be met with more rage and hatred. She has a history of cutting people out of her life and alcoholism so I have no idea if she feels bad for her actions or happy. She has said to me before she has zero issue with cutting people out of her life. She enjoys telling people off and yet I will hear later that she growls as herself in the mirror and ruminates over and over when she thinks she’s said something dumb. I’m worried about her but I’m tired of the verbal abuse. It’s really cruel. I have a family to consider and this incident has tanked my mental health completely. Trouble sleeping, I’ve lost 5lbs in a week and panic attacks. I didn’t want to hurt her but I can’t accept that behaviour 😢

[@uyagraph]

I got this as my first diagnosis. I couldn't believe it, still can't honestly. Everything i've heard about BPD were so different. I'm just still in denial even after hearing and relating to all the things you mentioned.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks for sharing!

[@gloop7458]

A bit more information for the people watching: A lot of these symptoms are shared by people who experience C-PTSD. (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is basically PTSD but for events that happened over long periods of time, e.g. childhood abuse) The main difference between them is that BPD stems from an inconsistent self, while even if that self image is very negative, people with C-PTSD tend to have a consistent view of who they are It's also something to realize that you may have different perceptions of different parts of yourself but those perceptions are consistent. For example, I love the way I look but I hate myself as a person (it doesn't matter how I act. I can't really pick out actions that present a "bad person" that any normal person hasn't matched or exceeded. It's just a view of how I inherently am) It doesn't matter what anyone says or if anyone gives me attention or love. I still view myself as inherently bad all throughout everything. While I do people please, I don't make myself a mirror. I have a solid idea of what my interests and values are

[@aeonushuu]

I relate very heavily to this, but I still have anger outbursts

[@onthelinecommunity]

I’m glad you found this useful! ☺️

[@izzdrizz3535]

I've been having similar constant experiences to these things and feelings for far too long, but I never knew what was wrong with me. Only recently because I have been trying to find out more about myself did I find out about Quiet BPD and the things that you talk about in here are eerily accurate to how I've felt for so long. I still get terrified though, cause even though a lot of these things are so similar to what's going on with me, I still really don't want to get checked out for anything because I feel as if my feelings are invalid or as if I'm not actually like this, or like anything really. It's also a general fear of the idea of people seeing me differently after a diagnosis if I ever do get a screening.

[@anene4914]

I really relate to this. I never thought I could have bpd. But it makes sense if that's the case because I haven't been able to make friends and keep them because im scared of rejection.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@johnscuderi1614]

Wow. I hope life gets better for you. As someone with quiet borderline does this sound like someone who has it? Lately I had been dating a woman and the first day I met her she pretty much called me "the perfect guy" even on the second date she told me she was "feeling things". She also wanted to get intimate on the first night we met. All of the sudden after about a week and a half she completely did a 180 and said the reasons she felt like it might not be right is because we want different things...even though those things were totally in line with what I want but she just never communicated that to me. She also seemed to warp events that happened on our second date. Leaving out details and adding details. Its a completely head trip. Does this sound like a quiet borderline?

[@onthelinecommunity]

@@johnscuderi1614 it’s really hard to tell and I can’t make a judgment call on someone’s mental health with proper evaluation!

[@navn]

@@johnscuderi1614 Sorry John, to me this sounds like: Women 😅 (some women anyway.)

[@masonsmith8456]

I'm in therapy currently. I'm pretty bad at saying exactly how I feel and pinpointing all the stuff. They tell me it's a mix of anxiety d/o major depressive disorder and combined type adhd. EVERY SINGLE TIME I see anything about quite bpd I have never seen anything that speaks to me that it's me

[@DeadGirlsPoem]

I had to pause this video so often, because with every point you talk about, memories come to my head and i'm like, yup, that fits 😳 Not diagnosed, but i guess i should let a professional look into it.

[@ValerieVixenArt]

Thank you for such a spot on explanation

[@bryanmccaffrey4385]

Sounds like grief, which I'm in. I was tested for BPD but that was ruled out. I do have ASD. Asperger's. A lot of people confuse the traits.

[@blujuicebox4971]

All this time i thought it was something else, don’t get me wrong there are alot of other mental illnesses with similar symptoms, but this video felt like a punch in the gut because EVERYTHING made sense and hit way too close to home. I don’t want to self diagnose but I don’t have any means to get help for my issues at the moment, and this video really helped alot, because at least now i have SOMETHING to work with. Thank you so fucking much, i can’t tell you how much i needed this right now.

[@psiga]

Thank you for this video. It's one of the nicest primers to BPD behavior that I've seen so far. I had a situationship with a girl I now believe has QBPD. I don't even know if she knows yet! She felt lots of emotions but couldn't put words to them; she was constantly struggling with people pleasing and being a parroting empath; she rationalized that it was normal for her to not even recognize who she used to be in the past because she's a Scorpio; she had a history of relationships with NPD boys. With me, she eventually said she felt that "the connection is too strong" and played the Somebody That I Used To Know card, of leaving me thinking 'you didn't need to cut me out / pretend it never happened / and that we were nothing'. I thought that I was being a Good Boy by developing an emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually intimate connection, but it ended up making her bounce in a way that didn't make any sense to me at the time. I know that you're only getting the 'he said' of the whole 'he said she said' situation, here, so take it as you will. Last year I finally got to a point where I could read through our whole communication timeline without feeling ill, and by the end of it, I just felt a lot of empathy for both sides. We didn't break eachother's hearts, and a part of me just wonders what woulda happened if I'd solved the puzzle sooner -- but at the same time, I don't long to resurrect any romantic prospects. What I can't tell _from here_ is whether I should put effort into getting in touch with her in current times to bring up the topic of QBPD. I'd want to know, if it were me. But I just know that she has tried to commit to No Contact/ghosting, and even though I still have ways of reaching her despite that, I'd like to be respectful. So is it more "respectful" to keep this to myself and let her figure it out on her own, possibly being trapped in the H E double hockey sticks of her own mind in the meantime, or more respectful to risk darkening her doorstep in public (or at least in the comment section of a KZbin channel that she hasn't uploaded to for years) with my trying as gently as possible to present the topic of _~a personality disorder that I think she has?~_ Ugh. Still, again, thank you for this.

[@donwhite1238]

Excellent video! Very informative

[@TomOtero1984]

I relate to all of this. Still waiting to speak to psychiatrist but it's at least a little comforting knowing people can relate.

[@marionamiret4188]

Thank you so much for this video. I needed it

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course ❤️

[@robertfelts8773]

Wow. I've watched days and days of these types of videos and this is the beat description I've seen of this thing

[@jamiehawkins5077]

I don't have bpd but i recently experienced a breakup from someone who has it. she was very closed off emotionally. we were only together for a few months but it was some of the best months of my life before she changed and became distant just a month after we said "I love you" for the first time. It went from amazing and happy to then just distant and it felt like she didn't really want me around as much … So I would be very appeciative if someone with bpd could help me understanding a bit better what she may have felt even though she ended it. after a few months of zero communication (and been removed from her facebook) I dropped her a simple message to say hope you have a nice christmas and she didn't even read it. i guess i'm just a little confused

[@blondequijote]

As someone still involved with my ex, just start picking up the pieces and moving on. Before you know it , they'll contact u out of the blue. That honeymoon phase is never coming back completely, but there might still be some good times along with emotional rollercoaster riding.

[@remixxfilmart6044]

6:15 -6:45 8:50 - 9:55 Wow! That is so spot on!

[@serious_spark4769]

thank you so much for this video the symptoms and this subtype describes my feeling pretty well

[@thoughtsaboutstuff351]

thank you Kayla for the good explanation of quite BPD. looks like I'm one of those who has this type disorder.

[@nickolhenderson1496]

Thank you so much, I’ve never felt like I could explain how I felt, I have been diagnosed with different things over the years but it was only a year ago I finally had a dr say you definitely have BPD but it still didn’t fit 100 for me, this does!

[@jimmyoh3510]

You are amazing Kayla! ❤

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you 😊

[@mememelane7170]

I am "suffering" from Quiet BPD for over 25 years now and learned how to cope with it. I even did not know it was that until my last breakdown when I finally looked for answers. I always though it would be depression hitting me even though I was functioning for the outside world. The sad part is, everytime I reach out for professional help (and I only can do it if I have the power to) I dont even get an answer/email back...nothing. Makes me feel like an approval that I am not worth it. So I guess I have to work on my skills by myself to make sure the next "mental break down" wont be such a bad one...that I can drag myself out of the situation a little better then it was in the past. And I have to face the truth that I am in it alone...

[@dustinsegers4534]

This was a *very* helpful video. Thank you!

[@onthelinecommunity]

Aww thanks! Glad it was helpful ☺️

[@jannissen4382]

Thank Kayla this video was really useful understanding Quiet BPD 🤗

[@onthelinecommunity]

Anytime! ☺️

[@jilewa]

Thanks Kayla ❤ You articulate this information clearly from a place of self understanding, care and concern and very responsibly point to getting professional diagnosis. I have been resistant to therapists suggesting I have BPD because I didnt understand this subtype, but it sounds like I may need to reconsider getting a diagnosis. I'm so tired of feeling helpless in my inner dysfunction. I haven't encountered such a compassionate presentation of what it feels like to live with BPD before. Many sources of info even from professionals seem judgemental and condescending and do more to perpetuate stigma than encourage people to get help. Thankyou for the very important and rewarding choice you have made to share what you are learning.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you for that 🥰

[@andyveres3982]

Thank you Kayla 🙂

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course! ☺️

[@jainetu]

Thanks so much for this wonderful information! Really helps me understand my relationship. Can you please talk about the Quiet BPD's need for attention and validation? Like examples of it, where it comes from. Also, can you talk about the tendency to stay at the surface and focus on external vs internal things? Thanks again great content!

[@hearme4581]

This definitely was me, I’m getting better.

[@meganvirgin5429]

I have already been diagnosed this and I feel like you're talking about my life! I was wondering if you have a video about a quiet BPD being in a relationship with someone who likes to fight a lot. Like possibly an outer aggressive bpd person?

[@onthelinecommunity]

I can do some research and make a video on this!

[@IamBLAA98]

This is so accurate.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Glad I got it right!

[@noizycat]

I have tears in my eyes. I feel so seen? Especially 7:05 is so reletable. Sadly doctors here don't seem to know much about the different BPD types yet. :(

[@onthelinecommunity]

Im glad you can relate!

[@WynneL]

I've been looking into the difference between quiet BPD and AvPD, but all of this honestly just sounds like AvPD to me. It's characterized by feelings of inferiority, self-blame, isolation, and a tendency toward repression so that you don't bother others. I think it's worth looking into for anyone who isn't sure if they have BPD or something else. I keep hoping to see someone explain the difference between the two. Would be very glad to see a video about that; so far there's almost nothing anywhere.

[@LoboSolitario1013]

I completely relate to Brian. My ex-wife, ironically also named Sara(h), was physically abusive amongst other ways would often mention that she believed death before divorce & that kept me around until I found the strength to finally leave. I was frequently reminded that cops would believe her account of things over me because she was the woman & I was the man, she was smaller than me, etc. I just got up the nerve to totally cut ties with her & since doing so life has quieted down significantly. It's tough to go through a relationship like that because there's a lot of shame that goes with it & rationalizing things that we wouldn't put up with from other people. I hope that Brian is enjoying the freedom he's now able to have with her now in jail.

[@Socoolral]

This explains a lot. It’s got me thinking. What happens if a couple had BPD

[@alluneedislessthan3]

Thank you so much for this video. You’ve perfectly described feelings that no one has articulated to me before. I’ve always bottled up my feelings because I didn’t want to be a burden, and then feel so much deeply rooted shame when I finally express how I feel to someone else. People have always told me that I’m fine because I don’t express how I feel, but almost constantly I simultaneously feel like I’m on fire and empty inside. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD and while I don’t think those are incorrect diagnoses, since those symptoms have subsided due to medication, there’s still a vast amount of unaddressed issues I’m having that don’t seem to go away no matter how long I’ve been in therapy or on medication. I think this explains those remaining issues so well. Thank you so much for this specific and well researched information. It’s extremely valuable to me. Anyway so my psychiatrist is getting a detailed report from me next appointment lol.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you for sharing your story!

[@cindyau542]

very great video

[@sophroniatauasa861]

Makes soooooooo much sense ...

[@SoniaSansouna]

Great Video.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you!

[@sarahmartinez1291]

I cried every time you listed something I have been searching information on quiet bpd for a while now and I have relating to the symptoms a lot but every time I want to talk to my psychiatrist about it i chicken out and just say i'm fine idk what to do....

[@TimmcraftJitney]

I have quite BPD. And the first thing I recommend would be... Finding a professional and letting them diagnose you (or not)! Many people can relate to a lot of symptoms when they read about disorders (as well as any illnesses) and start thinking they have one. No to self-diagnising!

[@awesome_amanda]

Work highlights my symptoms. I'm careful to work part time, because it reminds me of school with office politics, plus the first few jobs I was getting emotional abuse. I can mask it really well on the days I get a notifications. Mix of fawn freeze flight and fight responses in both relationships and work. I refuse to date unless I'm in therapy, I'm on a waitlist. The exterior does not match the interior..

[@sunnyjim369]

Thankyou ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!!!

[@EqualityOnEarth]

Great video.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you!

[@EqualityOnEarth]

​@@onthelinecommunity Thank you! Your content is great. Very eye opening, interesting and insightful. Keep up the great work. Greetings from the Netherlands :)

[@onthelinecommunity]

@@EqualityOnEarth thank you for the nice words and the support, means a lot! 😊

[@user-pj5my8hq8p]

Someone was telling me that I have that but they have no professional skills, not even a GED. The reason she was telling me this because I would get frustrated with her demanding ways and just because she did something to trigger that she would divert the situation and blame me for acting out. People nowadays will tell you anything so they don't take the blame for their actions. So yes leave it to a psychiatrist to give you a diagnosis.

[@hamra3823]

KZbin recommending this video to me is a little unnerving. 😢 I relate to so many points and will definitely bring this up in therapy. Thank you

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course!

[@silvershadowjsh]

I do have a few questions about spotting this in other people, mainly because I’m trying to get a sense of what my ex was like. I loved her so much and how she cut me off and discarded me has hurt so much after her saying things like she promises to love me no matter what etc. There were no signs of turbulence before this but after she broke up with me it’s like she was avoiding conflict at all costs and did not want to argue. Can stressful events or stuff like work make the symptoms worse? Does this “mask” also happen in relationships and does it come off? Finally, what can this blaming yourself for everything look like to others? Do people with high functioning BPD try and shift the blame onto others or do they outwardly express that they think they’re the problem?

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you for those great questions, I’ll make sure to do a video about this to answer them ☺️

[@imclearlycrystal]

Can you make a video about why BPD is often overlooked and misdiagnosed?

[@onthelinecommunity]

Yes of course!:)

[@GrantFoxOfficial]

Hi, is there a correlation between BPD, hypersexuality and fear of abandonment especially when dating someone?

[@onthelinecommunity]

I’ll do some more digging and make a video about it, thanks for the recommendation! 😊

[@nattyb2924]

Yes!

[@browneyedtwin1111]

Yes!

[@MJSGamingSanctuary]

Yup this fits me to a tee. GEEEZ....

[@MJSGamingSanctuary]

I often hold things in I feel like my needs and wants are a burden I can seem happy to others and hold down a job (IF I want to.) i tend to blow up on people out of the blue I have frequent mood swings. I tend to people please. *sigh*

[@onthelinecommunity]

@@MJSGamingSanctuary thank you for sharing your experience!

[@peixeess]

Interesting video, sounds a lot like me but I have Avoidant personality disorder :)

[@onthelinecommunity]

There’s a lot of overlap between so I’m not surprised!

[@komatsu8169]

@x 🖤 x I've been wondering if I am both. So how do you do in relationships? Can you spot when you're being BPD and when you're being AvPD?

[@BellaVevo08]

Can bpd appear randomly ? I didn't have any mood changes symptoms but i had social anxiety ad always quite idk , since 2022 i developed these symptoms and it's becoming worst and worst. My emotions changes every moment. Also what are the symptoms of people pleasing of quiet bpd ?

[@thiebesy]

i sit possible to have more than one type? i feel like i experince both the quiet and self-destructive bpd types

[@cheesypoofpoofs7700]

I feel like I have a lot of these traits, but I also have ADHD & disorganized attachment style so how do I know if it’s just overlap or if I actually have QBPD?

[@joanncoopertroupe3506]

This is so me Age 64. i been like this all my life.

[@hellohello-ww2zr]

How long does the episode or splitting last for?

[@Kmahersh01]

OMG. This is me. I thought my ex had quite BPD, but maybe I do too. Is it possible for two BPDs to date long term? I finally left him because I couldn’t feel his love, but maybe it was a problem with me.😮

[@robertashagam1599]

Unfortunately, many psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health professionals miss this diagnosis. It could be because a client’s self- report is not accurate or the professionals aren’t educated in this area, myself included. I am getting educated by participating in an organisation called Emotions Matter.

[@Shad0wmoses]

thats almost a self fulfilling prophecy when you push others away. that can incredibly hurt for the partner so it would be natural they feel confused and scrambling for solutions all the while you've already distanced yourself.

[@emilyling-fb4zb]

Could I have quiet BPD and still be quite open sometimes about being sad

[@cory99998]

Yeah, my mom had a lot of issues when I was young due to my dads behaviors, a lack of financial security, and her undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I felt way too invested in her wellbeing and never had a stable parent. Was always anxious. Suddenly, all of that energy got turned onto me when my family realized I was having problems which I interpreted 100% as a bad thing and completely suppressed all emotion to not cause the family any problems. There were definitely other factors as well, but yeah that one was prominent for sure. Have never gotten close to anyone else due to this. Worst part is that no one has a clue. My family thinks I dont have feelings and actively deny that so much of what is important to me is even real. Im an artist who actively makes art, and they dismiss all of it entirely because it doesnt match their assumptions. I guess its my fault for putting up the front that I do.

[@nattyb2924]

OMG This is exactly my life story, except for the fact that my Mom was a narcissist. May you gain the strength to rise above your mental circumstances.

[@cory99998]

@@nattyb2924 you too

[@purplefinch29]

this sounds just like me and it scares me. i don’t want to have a personality disorder that’s “pervasive”. i don’t want to suffer in all my romantic relationships. it feels like a death sentence everywhere i read. i already hate myself so much and have for years

[@aurorarawlinson7341]

I wonder, are Quiet BPD sufferers, though, who internalize and then have explosive moments? I internalize things, then at some point over something, anything that's just too much, my cork pops, and I'm like a Battlestar surrounded by Cylons, and everyone around me is an enemy, and I keep dolling out angry emotional jabs until it's done. Then I realize that I've attacked my friends for internalized anger that's not something to which they've necessarily contributed.

[@alilih3652]

“There’s a lot of factors that go into having it like your work life balance” okay so then ppl with quiet bpd don’t have it bc they know how to function like a normal person when they’re actually going crazy asf in their mind. Make that make sense and girl u was sayin that u growin up had the emotional intelligence to think that everyone else is going through something so that u don’t want to express ur emotions bc it might harm them more, lmao that’s literally the most emotions stability statement I’ve ever heard, that literallt goes to show in itself that you didn’t grow up with real trauma you just want to say u have trauama bc if u actually had trauma u wouldn’t have the emotional stability or intelligence to think about what others are going through, you would only be worried about urself and ur family and also that goes to show that you don’t have any mental illness bc the thing about mental illness is that it’s effecting you in a way where u can’t have an emotional connection with society enough to live a life that benefits you and others around you, if your able to do that then that means ur the most sane non mentally I’ll person evwr

[@lybor4533]

I have weird fawn responses, but this one and people pleasing are things that I hate most-It´s like u died mentally for other people. I mean I have this to the point of social phobia and panic attacks; I can´t speak normally with other people.

[@SassyL62]

wait.. on the line??? I just realized ur @ name and I remember a dream I had as a child where I was walking on a string tied between two ceiling fans and woke up crying from the feeling of unease.. been thinking about this lately

[@Lemons19902010]

A lot of this describes me. I keep thinking something is "wrong" with me.