What is Reactive Abuse In A Relationship? | Dr. Lenne’ Hunt

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What is reactive abuse? It is when a victim of emotional abuse starts to exhibit the same or similar behaviors of their abuser. It is not uncommon for victims to develop negative adaptations to ongoing, long-term emotional abuse that look and sound like abuse. In other words, they have now become abusive themselves. Or have they? In this video, Dr. Lenne’ Hunt discusses whether reactive abuse is the same as the kind of emotional abuse that is used as a weapon to control another person and take away their personhood.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#reactiveabuse #abuse #relationship

[@charliebrown555]

This is an excellent video, so kind in tone and can be related to dynamics in families and their members as well. I found this very helpful and enlightening.

[@brya8492]

I think one of the keys is to ask yourself, "Do I do it across the board, or just with that person?"

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Great insight, thanks for your feedback.

[@Liz-in8lu]

That is a very helpful question. It I have massive guilt for what I did. But I’m not like that and haven’t done that ever to anyone else

[@The_Rude_French_Canadian]

My BPD ex would say I was gaslighting her when I would tell her I never yelled at my girlfriends or fought with other people as much as I did with her in my life…I could count on a single end the real fights I had, with her it’s 3 times a week for 2 yrs…

[@dreamtimelotus7894]

This happened to me,owhh he was so happy to call me an abuser and him the victim. This was after 12 years abuse ,i even treated him with contempt like he did so frequently ,i did it one time and he reacted like i used to do falling apart. I felt no remorse, he way he treated me in the end i will never forgive him it was too cruel. I left him luckily,i only have to forgive myself. Not him ,he used up my compassion amd forgiveness for him.

[@scottmatznick3140]

My ex wife manipulated and emotionally abused me until I literally lost my mind and the second I began reacting like a wounded dog, she turned it around on me and I've been going to court to hang onto my relationship with my children because of it. I now get to live with horrible memories of my past actions which are totally unlike me. I now get zero vindication for the years of manipulation and hatefulness from her, because I'm now and "always have been" the bad guy, from an external point of view. I will never allow myself to get to that point again.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Sounds like you have taken 2 critical steps already - Awareness and Boundaries. We wish you the best in your healing

[@ellie698]

When we do it in response, were being forced to defend ourselves. But they then take to others, play the victim and accuse us of being the abusers. They turn everyone against us. Doubly unfair to us. They abuse us then blame us for being abusive. And get others to blame us to. When we're just driven to it by having our buttons continually pressed. Either way they win. It's soul destroying.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Yes, you said it very aptly - it destroys your soul. If you are looking for help, please reach out to learn how we can help: marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/

[@samanthawilliams5520]

They don’t win. In their absence you’ll heal. Violence is their pattern. This is losing

[@renitaolsen8700]

This is very helpful. It is so disorienting and confusing when he turns in around, and I am continually questioning myself.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Glad it was helpful! For more related content, subscribe to our channel. Or, book a free consultation with our Client Care Team to learn how we else we might be of help: bit.ly/3I0dntB

[@MrChrispcp93]

This is me, i’m a victim of years and years on abuse, and I sometimes take it out on my wife and I don’t want to but it’s out of fear and nowhere to turn. I don’t know how to stop but I want to stop so I’m glad you said these things because that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. We both are very defensive, and we usually attack once one of us has been hurt, but it only streams from years of abuse and we need to cut out that pattern. I am in no way shape or form want to be a certain I’ve never wanted to be an abuser because of my history, sometimes even reach out to my own abusers for advice like they could give it to me and it only makes matters worse

[@drdavidbhawkins]

The patterns can be broken, DBT is a one of the most effective modalities for behavior change. Please reach out if you want to learn more. [phone] or [e-mail]

[@DanaD-er8dn]

Abusers LOVE to sin level. Mine does anyway, recognizing that he was Baiting and Baiting me to cause me to eventually react out of frustration. I had to REALLY work to ground myself and see this pattern so he couldn't use it against me to continue to avoid his own accountability. It's hard, but taking your power back feels so great.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

It's wonderful to hear you are able to see what is happening and take back your power. Thanks for your feedback and God Bless.

[@Shannonammon]

Thank you. This video is perfect for what I needed to hear right now. Spot on. Thank you for being so detailed in your teachings. Thank you

[@becd2239]

Me too. I'm sorry you are going through this Shannon. None of us deserve this. Sending love to all.

[@Shannonammon]

@@becd2239 Thank you appreciate your correspondence.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Glad it was helpful! For more related content, subscribe to our channel. Or, book a free consultation with our Client Care Team to learn how we can help: bit.ly/3I0dntB

[@robincastleberry8361]

I needed a word for what I am feeling.

[@marykatherinerosson213]

I feel so heard and seen after watching this. Thank you

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Glad it was helpful! For more related content, subscribe to our channel. Or, book a free consultation with our Client Care Team to learn how we else we might be of help: bit.ly/3I0dntB

[@azsuehayes]

Thank you. It's inevitable once we figure it out. It's disheartening. ❤️

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Glad it was helpful! For more related content, subscribe to our channel. Or, book a free consultation with our Client Care Team to learn how we else we might be of help: bit.ly/3I0dntB

[@curtisberg2007]

This is me totally and completely and I'm begging for help. I have tried so hard and spent so money trying to prevent me from becoming so abusive reactive but it has taken hold of my life. I could really use some help!

[@marywebster5094]

This is where I am . My husband is on week 10 of the mens core boot camp, I can’t understand why I’m so angry at him . When we have conflicts he now throws his new terms at me . I know I’m not crazy, but he has me thinking I am. I’m so empty . I have stopped eating for 3 weeks , I just drink water, it’s all I can control now

[@carvel165]

Mary, I can totally relate. I am also very angry at my husband or so I thought for all the dysfunction in my family but through help I am realising I am angry at myself. Angry for not standing up for myself, not having boundaries, not taking decisions, not having values. I'm actually working on my values. I am also just starting to learn to love myself after 4 decades of emotional abuse. Yes, I started to feel I am the abuser, didn't like who I have become. Please stop abusing yourself by not eating.... three weeks are alot. What are you hoping to gain from this ? Please seek help immediately. If you want to connect with me feel free to send a private msg. Take care of you !! ❤❤

[@drdavidbhawkins]

They are on their journey, and you also need help and support for your journey. Please reach out to our Client Care Team to learn how we can help and support you. You can book a call to discuss your needs: bit.ly/3I0dntB

[@marywebster5094]

@@carvel165 thank you , it’s hard to talk about this with others , that do not see , the inside of the marriage.

[@reneeevans8864]

I understand its very hard but the best thing you can do is take care of yourself & try to live he will hate that watch

[@Bit_1980]

Thank you for this 💜

[@granuailenavigatingchange]

Thank you. What about if this is a pattern in families and early childhood and still going on in the family?

[@yellowdayz1800]

"Reactive abuse, Enlightened Me by Jill Wise.. Is a much better definition of TRUE reactionary abuse done by pschopathic men. Some will try to lead you to lose your mind.. That is the goal. There is a movie on you tube called" Gaslight, "and it shows how some get with this reactionary abuse. This definition of reaction abuse is shallow compared to other victims of true pschopathic emotional abuse...

[@glitztoglitter]

Explained perfectly thank you

[@claireQ777]

Thank youuuu

[@MajorieRoyal]

Thank you

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

[@cookingforbeginners6770]

Oh wow, you said it all

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Glad it resonated with you. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletters for helpful articles and videos from our therapists sent to your inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

[@ambermarchand7079]

Or "You, too" or "What about you?"

[@reneeevans8864]

I cant leave the house i stay in bed i cry alit

[@drdavidbhawkins]

If you would like to learn how we can help, please reach out to our Client Care Team. Book a free consultation here: bit.ly/3I0dntB

[@reneeevans8864]

Im married to a man that prefers peeping at me . he behaves bored with touching me

[@staceyfinegan5518]

🥰🥰