When the avoidant says they “lost feelings” for you

#avoidant #avoidantattachment #situationship #dating #dismissiveavoidant #fearfulavoidant #relationshipcoach #relationship #attachment #breakup #discard #divorce #insecureattachment

[@infiltratebird9869]

My ex and I broke up a few months and he said I was not the one he was meant to be with in the long term. We got in touch a month later and started seeing each other again without any strings attached on the simple agreement that we would communicate with each other and be honest if someone else came in to the picture. On our last meeting, he apologised for blocking me off in the last and admitted he cared for me and wanted to continue seeing me. After that, he stopped responding to me. I confronted him over text yesterday after 3 weeks of the silent treatment and he said he was talking to someone else and wanted to move on. I said that was fine and asked why he didn't tell me earlier because I would have understood and there's not been any response. It's so disheartening being with an avoidant in any capacity because everytime it feels like I'm gaining some control and feeling like an equal, they take that control and equality away by shutting me out.

[@smarts1212]

Simple, don't engage in their games once you know their truth..

[@mn9120]

I would call that guy an idiot not an avoidant! Choose wiser. Move on!

[@tabarnakopoulos]

This other someone he is seeing is probably going to have the same treatment you had!

[@lenkiewiczlover7256]

I believe that’s the danger of still seeing each other during gaps, that someone will eventually meet someone. Unfortunately they’re unlikely to let you know until they know the new relationship is good, as they’ll lose the luxury of having you on tap.

[@bleh3039]

Avoidant people who do this should stop dating and seek therapy- stop emotionally abusing people because you can’t resolve your past trauma

[@hernandariobernalparra7772]

Many of them are so unaware of their attachment issues...

[@lindsay3793]

​@@hernandariobernalparra7772 They don't even know what attachment issues are. They call them "trust issues"... Which is similar but just scratches the surface.

[@SSJavenger]

Hope you are doing well man. My avoidant did something similar, it was only 5 months but it was so strong. I am almost healed up, but the what if still pops up.

[@fightingmonk123]

How this guy can figure out the nuts and bolts of avoidant personalities is remarkable. This has become one of my top 5 KZbin channels.

[@bryceoleski5680]

This one hit home. I had just returned from a week long trip with my partner, they had sent me a link to the engagement ring they wanted, then discarded me. I’m here just trying to make sense of it all and put the pieces back together.

[@pmdal]

How are you?

[@user-ck6ly4st3v]

Good grief! Is there a bottom to that rabbit hole? Such pathetic people.

[@mn9120]

Who cares what they feel or dont feel. Love is a decision, not an emotion.

[@lizardluminals9324]

💯 I’m not Catholic but I love the quote by one of their saints Thomas Acquinas “Love is willing the good of the other person” even if they want to break up with someone, if they actually were to love them they would tell them cause that would be good for the other person.

[@brandonrussell9118]

Avoidants are an absolute scourge

[@abigailjacob4043]

Ooof, this one really hit me hard. I'm almost two years ago from an engagement with an EXTREME avoidant. It was awful and I'm still messed up about it.

[@kittycasino29]

I understand that we are all the way we are because of the things we’ve been through in life, but it’s just best to stay away from these kind of people.

[@hernandariobernalparra7772]

Do you isolate people with physical handpicaps? Why do that to people with emotional handicaps?

[@rizk4034]

I'm there right now, everything was perfectly fine and there were very obvious demonstrations of affection from both sides and everything was as loving as always, until 1 week later all of a sudden they no longer love me and break up. This was so out of nowhere that I don't even know what to think it just raises a million questions in my head

[@tabarnakopoulos]

You're describing what I've been through just after our Valentine's day weekend. We were also celebrating 6 months of a beautiful relationship... and this happened. I've felt very confused. It's been 6, almost 7 weeks, since she left me. I remember her asking me to give her news about my new position at my workplace. And asking me to keep in touch so we can still go on hikes as friends. But I've kept silent ever since she left me. I prefer no contact because if I contact her, it's going to hurt me all over again. Now I'm starting to feel good. And if she realizes that she misses me, she knows how to contact me. Else, over is over, and life goes on. I won't settle for being treated as an option when I made her my priority.

[@longingforjannah]

All I can say is thank you Sir.

[@josedubois2295]

This happened to me 3 months ago. She said she only loved me as a friend but nothing more.

[@comparecards5688]

Their feelings are like Putin’s red buttons 😂

[@tealeafuk]

Only one reason someone leaves or breaks up with you. Thats they are seeing or thinking of someone else. If someone don't want ya they don't want ya. If you love them let them go.

[@andybiddle9088]

Wow mate! Exactly what happened to me! One week me and my DA had the best date ever! She said we are so lucky to have found each other.....We even said we loved each other. The following week her close friend passed away and the week after that, she said she'd lost feelings for me. This was February. I started no contact at the end of March and havent heard anything since. I hope she finds those feelings for me again. 🙏🏻 Even if its as a friend which i think is possible as we were only dating for 3 months.

[@paulharrison8612]

Thank you for the video Ryan, you explain everything so clearly and have such a calming voice😀

[@volc9738]

Your voice is so calming 🌻

[@lorishu48103]

Wow that makes so much sense

[@jayhorne283]

Wow this explains it all.

[@chiaraA.]

yes they truly are broken people.... not up to others to try to fix them. Because of course, that's impossible, and why throw your life away trying, or even giving a damn, which is exactly what you'd be doing. Heal yourself and move on to healthy choices which have a least a fighting chance of being in relationship and connection. Buying a shiny car with a broken engine and wondering why it won't drive is a complete waste

[@roser8911]

Thanks.

[@hellehagness3983]

Never felt so loved in a healthy way- comparing to my narcex, and all of a sudden a withdrawl- however he seemed confused himself and actually described it as a wall within him, kept asking if it ment something was wrong in the relationship.

[@ebrukaraboga8523]

My husband did same to me. Beside we have a 4 months old baby girl.

[@pmdal]

Im so sorry

[@adambjayz]

tq coach ryan .💯this is wut iam going thru..shes asking divorce all of sudden.we have 3 kids togetther..its sad 8 years of marriage has to end..now it all make sense..how can someone just throw everything out like we didnt have a history togetther..there were goodtimes but they just paint all black n white.i know i lost her😭

[@aspiringrootwoman24]

That background music is not helping lol 😢

[@jeanaallison7236]

❤ New subscriber. Thank you 😢

[@frankgeary7574]

Feel so hopeless. Can’t sleep I’m in pain. She broke up with me last week and said I wasn’t nurturing enough that I wasn’t there for her yet two weeks ago she talked about getting married and having a baby. I’m so lost and confused.

[@karltan9461]

The reason the avoidant gives isn't the real reason. The real reason is what Ryan says. Trying to rationalise based on their verbal words will lead you to madness

[@Tow131]

Bro she found someone else it’s the reality

[@frankgeary7574]

@@Tow131 idk been talking to her for the past month basically. But yeah I have to keep that open for sure

[@davidjames3164]

You have to lose the young & restless music lol. Great content

[@valiant.1]

You have said not to accept being friend-zoned, but how do I break the cycle of rejection-no contact-reconciliation-rejection-no contact-reconciliation? On and on … seems like if we’re friends I can set boundaries and break the cycle easier than letting it go on and on

[@ritapeters1330]

Very good video Ryan, greetings from Germany , I subcribed

[@hernandariobernalparra7772]

Mine said that has lost sexual desire :/

[@travismaggofour4286]

Well I learnt to become one because of how shit I felt , but after a certain point the regrets went away.

[@tintinmarchner1267]

been 6 months, she hasnt contacted me yet

[@kittycasino29]

Just a bunch of games

[@anthonyking3644]

What happens when they've been cheating? Are the feelings still there for the FA?

[@annnee6818]

Sometimes. Oftentimes people don't know why they cheated and they just need to blame someone else

[@annnee6818]

But also some people are just dicks

[@riamukherjee2666]

Explain a little more pls​@@annnee6818

[@TheTRASHAMIGOS]

Ok. So why do they monkey branch then? They have to have feelings for somebody else to do that, right?

[@jillbeemer5840]

I don't think they have feelings for someone else. They are seeking validation. And when they lovebomb someone else, and this person believes them (because they don't know them yet), then this new person shows interest, which activates & raises the dopamine levels in the Avoidant's brain. So they start feeling good about themselves again. And they misstake this for "feelings" or interest in another. In fact, they are just chasing what makes them feel good. But they tell themselves they like/love this New person to justify it @ll. And then after 6/7 months (depending on how much they distracted themselves & have kept themselves busy. The emptiness and same feelings of unworthiness come back, because the rush of dopamine has worked off. And they start realising the Truth. So they start reaching out to you, because before this new person, you were the last person that made them feel good. Ór, second option: they do it all again with another new person. And so they keep going rond in circles. 🤷‍♀️

[@rabiyaallanova1363]

What's the difference between an avoidant and a narcissist?

[@anthonyking3644]

One possible idea is they both have no clue about being securely attached; however, narcissists are consciously intent on causing their partners pain, whereas avoidants don't. Hope this helps.

[@PowiemPrawde]

Narcissist are mostly avoidants, but avoidants are mostly just avoidants. They can be good people, just not capable of being in a relationship.

[@deucford5217]

The amount of speculation here makes it akin to a horoscope.

[@angelae.campos179]

I cant hear the video

[@playballpaintball3730]

Sometimes those feelings are destroyed by actions that have occurred in the relationship. And “abandonment” in a relationship doesn’t exist. Someone walking away from a relationship is a choice. They have no marital obligation to their partner. This video is far too vague and assuming. Stereotyping every situation and taking the uniqueness of each individual and conforming them to a single box marked avoidant.

[@anthonyking3644]

That's an interesting comment. I'm interested in how influencers can define their delivery to drill down into nuances to define these types of relationship dynamics. What do you think could be focused on to help define this video topic? I know this question might take up some of your time if you choose to answer it, but your response be valued and appreciated.

[@Mason_____]

I agree. My situation at surface level would be seen as avoidant. But when my recent ex had to suddenly move 6000 miles away from me, had her best friend die, feel the crushing weight of reality and what to do with her life back home, finally at the most difficult point of her therapy, and feel completely lost and unable to even have good feelings for herself…it makes sense. Still hurts, but they only have energy to fight for themselves right now. I’m in incredible pain but I hope with my determination to move forward for my betterment, and hers for her self as well, our paths will inevitably cross like they did again.

[@tysonpadilla8406]

This sounds familiar. It almost sounds like every female I’ve ever met.