Why Do Flying Monkeys Let Narcissists Run All Over Them?

As part of their need to feel powerful, narcissists gather flying monkeys...people who willingly lay down their initiatives in deference to the narcissist's hunger for control. Dr. Les Carter asks: "Why do these flying monkeys allow themselves to be exploited?" He uncovers the many hidden motives of the flying monkeys, not the least of which is the need to feel empowered through the narcissist's authoritarianism.
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[@heidihaeni7783]

It seems like the flying monkeys are addicted to the feeling of being important to the narcissist without realizing that they're actually more disposable to the narcissist than the target is.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well stated. Dr. C

[@carolnahigian9518]

My flying monkey ' cousin A' always tells me how helpful 'cousin W" could be... both are the World's Worst Listeners.

[@brendaleverick3655]

Yes! I think you're right. Good thinking. 👌🏼

[@daramccluskey]

They’re cowardly people who get off on being in the shadow of a bully or they’re covert bullies themselves…

[@maryfrances1307]

Dara McCluskey has it right. Also, they feel abused by and inferior to the narcissist, they just never had the courage to leave. They leave as soon as you leave (because they are followers) ...which, in turn, makes YOU the big boss.😉

[@santanapage5044]

They choose not to use their own minds, they believe what narcissist say

[@AvecPoesie]

Sometimes, the pain, hurt, and betrayal caused by the Flying Monkeys feels worse than the awful behavior of the narcissist!

[@Alphalove3]

Truth!

[@kimberlycyr2814]

I would say, I’m more disappointed in the the flying monkey. It’s the new supply and her lack of concern for her children or mine, is beyond my thought process. How it why does she let him get away with the stuff he does.

[@margaretholland671]

This was true for me as I was once friends with them but they have been taken over by this foul person sadly. I have to give them a wide berth now though I speak. Yes I expect it from the narc but I didn't expect the hostility of mt so called friends. Ah well. Glad I'm not part of the harem......

[@augamemnon]

@@kimberlycyr2814 she doesn't love herself and shes just 'chum' for the narc.

[@kimberlycyr2814]

@@augamemnon i agree 100%. It’s sad. Especially for a mom to have so little regard for the children. I always called him out and that was the cause of most of our fights. He was such a bully to the kids. Geez

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

I think flying monkeys are emotionally immature just like narcissists are, and they behave like "mean girls" in junior high school.

[@jesseleeward2359]

Why are they always whining about stupid stuff

[@iys6890]

Yes!! Spot on!!

[@iys6890]

Spot on! So immature! Young teenagers lol

[@pamelajordan2890]

I was just thinking it reminds me of the playground when kids get picked on.

[@butterfly652]

So true

[@kat-75]

THEY are intimidated by them and want their approval.

[@janetstonerook4552]

People who love to gossip often are flying monkeys. It makes them feel more powerful and may enjoy sharing the narcissist's defiant behavior.

[@theclown2393]

They're cowards, plain and simple!

[@TayBleezy]

Exactly this

[@gertrudewest4535]

Narcs in the workplace are often trying to co-opt me as a flying monkey. They have turned on me in an instant when they find out I try to be conscientious about being a fair minded person. They don’t like me.

[@DelphineTheWorstBladeEver]

I feel that. Narcs are extremists, and they know they can only control extreme people. They don't know what to do with someone who is more balanced.

[@aharry31]

You don't like them also. Be careful, and keep your distance from them. I would pray for God's discernment and protection from evil.

[@treelover1050]

YOU ARE THERE TO MAKE A LIVING AND THEN GO HOME. SIDESTEP THE NARCS. GO GRAY ROCK IF YOU HAVE TO OR IGNORE THEM WHEN THE NARCS TRY TO PRESSURE YOU.

[@yvettecunningham5496]

That's most certainly ok that they don't like you, they are definitely not your friend. Narcissists goal and objective is to use and abuse others they don't care about anyone else and will stoop to any unjust gutter level means to get what they want and believe that they are totally justified in doing it. They are master manipulators and master deceivers. They are looking to recruit flying monkeys the ones that people them up and constantly stroke and fawn their fragile egos. The flying monkeys are the narcs enablers. Keep your high standards of integrity and self respect and do not be allured into their web of toxicity and deceit. Narcissists have done tremendous damage to people's lives and they do not care. They are out to satisfy and gratify themselves at any costs toward others. Always stand for what is right even if you have to stand alone it is well worth it.

[@tranquility9325]

They don't like themselves either. Happy ppl don't get off on destroying others.

[@Joelswinger34]

They may not have the best thinking skills and they certainly lack integrity.

[@bradfaulkner9597]

“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” Friedrich W. Nietzsche

[@lissacablerware8475]

Yes, this is true.

[@sallywillis1448]

I had to become a monster for the duration of one half hour quarrel. I haven't looked back. I did this spontaneously when suddenly I was triggered into enormous anger. Healthy anger. There is such thing as destructive anger , but there is also healing anger.

[@tikischaffer]

Yep. Don't fight with pigs.

[@sh6460]

"Need to feel empowered by the narcissists authoritarianism". What an impactful statement. TY

[@ivanasimic2072]

It is true

[@brendalynbowling8081]

Thank You Jesus Christ ❗ ❤️ I've Had Never Been Exposed To This Flying Monkeys, Until I Started To Understand NPD.. Narcissistic Personally Disorder! May The Most High GOD Continue To Bless You Always 🌹🙏🙏🙏😇💯 Memphis

[@MichaelMolli]

I think „flying Monkeys“ are narcissists as well.

[@Breezy10]

I think they are gullible people that enjoy all the perks of narcissism without getting their hands too dirty!

[@maidmarion2976]

Me too. All the ones I’ve met are Narcissists

[@bereal6590]

Agreed 100 percent.. and in my mind that makes them worse... enablers tend to be ignorant flying monkeys are a second evil 😡

[@itm4173]

They're weak, wanna-be, narcissists!

[@susansheldon2707]

I agree. My many, many in-laws on my husband's side were so brainwashed into seeing my FIL as Mr. Walks on Water that they became blind to anything in his life, actions, demeanor that contradicted that narrative he created about himself. Instead, they basked in his reflected glory, as the saying goes, completely identifying themselves with him. Very, very cultish thinking and functioning. Even though my FIL died some years ago, the in-laws still mentally orient around him as an icon to be worshipped. Yet, now that two of his now-grown grandsons have claimed that he molested them as very young boys (the fallout from which those two young men are now struggling to recover), remaining members of the extended family are enraged and "circling the wagons" around the man's self-made reputation. Without any evidence pro or con, nor having spoken to and listened to the two grandsons, they all reject out of hand that their father/FIL/grandfather might have done such a heinous thing. Instead, the remaining in-laws are busy maligning the grandsons who made the accusation. Their enduring vested interest in the now-dead man is shocking and appalling, indicating how thoroughly he held sway over them. It would make for a book, only one ugly, repulsive tale as far as I'm concerned. And my husband's siblings are now writing their own books as they perpetuate "the sins of the father" onto yet another generation.

[@janmarie111]

He doesn't love them. He uses them to praise him.

[@peterknyk1942]

Narcissists and flying monkeys reflect the law of "reciprocal maintenance" as each depends on the other for its own peculiar supply! This was a great video today Dr. C! Thank you so much!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it, Peter. Dr. C

[@amyleigh9417]

Yes & this explains how children can become so easily co-opted. I am thinking of young adult kids who are capable of their own manipulation but also depend on the narcissistic parent for resources.

[@annking8633]

Beautifully put. Exactly that. 💯

[@annking8633]

@@amyleigh9417 been there, done that. Great insight.

[@andrewsonstony7710]

@@amyleigh9417 just like me i am co-dependent for my shelter and other things with my narcissist parents.They emotionally abuses myself from my age 20(in 2015) to till 2020(my age 25).but now in 2021 i started to ignore her emotionally and detached with her. But still she yells,screams,guilt trips,verbal threats same to same like she did before.Grey rock method is not working for me because i am co dependent with her.

[@karenwilliams978]

Some of them think they'll end up with the inheritance.

[@amiblack8294]

Yep, the greed is real.

[@jc4r20n8]

Exactly, I see how their sense of entitlement to something they never earned is their end game.

[@wrenbayley]

A lot of times the person who wants to think analytically is labeled as an “over-thinker” by the narcissist.

[@turtleanton6539]

Yuup😊

[@no1ladyj69]

Or they’re accused of living in the past!

[@zxctgb]

Or 'paranoid'

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

.. or not spontaneous (if you want some degree of planning), not flexible (if your opinions/ preferences are somewhat constant)

[@dawnemile4974]

Sometimes the flying monkey thinks that the narcissist will be their friend and love them.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, and they don't see how it is merely a mirage. Dr. C

[@scentsoftravelmeditation]

Matter of time before the narcissist turns on his flyin monkies because he fears they shall turn on him

[@scentsoftravelmeditation]

It is a law of the Universe, if somebody aids an opressor, he will turn on him You just need to sit back & enjoy the show of Universe Justice :)

[@wifferstess2824]

It’s because of fear, lack of education, the flying monkey themselves are not “developed”, or they are pulling the strings in some cases.

[@EyeToTheSkyPerth]

I think you’ve nailed it!! Spot on

[@juliechurch1799]

Lame excuse

[@thegodblogger3812]

The Flying Monkey is content to let others think for him. He doesn't want to have to lead or figure things out for himself. FMs are plentiful, and live vicariously through the host, as the doctor said.

[@augamemnon]

@@juliechurch1799 flying monkeys by their nature are lame.

[@juliechurch1799]

August . They belong with the narc then . Two of a kind 😆

[@lindawade7284]

IF they can't use you they will abuse you

[@lynnfincham6839]

The flying monkeys are as bad as the narcs … all the same breed as far as I can see 😟

[@metamarkusiamthatiam8983]

Agreed!

[@Christian_1980]

Truth!

[@yvettecunningham5496]

Yep. All will get their just rewards. 😊

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

They are narcs too....just at a different 'status level' in the Group. Little Narcs in training is more like it....

[@christar9527]

@@jacquelinefroehle5868 They are all narcissistic as well. Just beta narcissists.

[@StacieTheSweetheart]

My “mama” is a narcissist & her husband (stepfather) is her biggest flying monkey! He watches me every chance he gets to report back to her about what I’m doing. I have to walk down the road just to have a private conversation smh. If you ever go no contact, NEVER GO BACK!!!!

[@brynnleapierce5600]

Trouble has started since I am now taking back my own inner strength & pulling away from my Narcissist’s grip.

[@Picca65]

They have to get used to the new you. You do you💪🧡

[@brynnleapierce5600]

@@Picca65I agree & in some respects, it throws them off-center, though they continue on their path! It is beyond my thinking (from my normal range of thinking) how they forge ahead with their blaring & complete “lack of awareness”, utterly checked out as to why something happened & not bother to ask “why”! I do realize, however, that's not in the make-up of the Narcissist to ask follow-up questions or care to know the answers (after all they're the forever victim, right)? Thanks to Dr. Carter for providing such insight into the mindset of the Narcissist! They believe themselves to be always right & the one connected to them is the cause of all their problems, plus their alternate reality cannot process (the reality)!

[@Picca65]

@@brynnleapierce5600 that's exactly what happens. They have their distorted "reality"

[@augamemnon]

One of my favorite narc behaviors to observe is the DARVO, which stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

[@augamemnon]

They hate to lose that 'supply'.

[@itm4173]

I despise Flying Monkeys. There, I've said it! It's been my experience that these people are weak. However, in hiding behind the overt, take-all behaviors of the Narcissist, they intentionally fill their own emptiness of purpose and care not who they hurt in their paths. All the while, they're wolves in sheep covering. One knows what they're getting with a narcissist. Not always initially clear with the Flying Monkey.

[@77ulrike]

I find it harder to deal with these people. They are like gnats swarming us! I managed to go no contact with the narcs, but the flying monkey is relentless in seeking out contact with me.

[@yvettecunningham5496]

I despise them also and they were immediate family members. Absolutely no good, sorry excuses for human beings. Best gift you can give yourself is to cut ties completely. Best thing I ever did. I have peace and joy in my life now. So very grateful.

[@atfourothirtythree]

@@77ulrike true...when the narc can no longer get to you the FM kicks in.. sadly, they can be worse than the narc fueling them.

[@christar9527]

Yes, the many monkeys I knew had me fooled. Partly because I was a mess but because they were two faced as well.

[@christar9527]

@@yvettecunningham5496 So do I Yvette. They are hideous low life’s and good for nothing. I wish I could write a book. It’s a miracle I survived what happened to me. Cutting them out about 6 years ago was the best thing I ever did!

[@Vicky-jh3ci]

You forgot to mention that the monkeys are well taken care of.They're paid well.

[@loyoladeleon6115]

EXACTLY 💯 💯 💯

[@mshangran5555]

The flying monkey sees the narcissist as their hero. They are in awe of their hero. The narcissist is the puppet master and the flying monkey is the willing puppet

[@kadootje77]

They think they are too clever to be conned ...they think wrong....it is a paradox really

[@christianpulisic7784]

DeeLightning,Hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@cherylnathanodette]

The flying monkeys are as bad as the idiot they follow, narcissistic behaviour is unacceptable and should never be tolerated. I have my own mind, thoughts and morals thank very much.

[@techmail5820]

The need to feel superior than you, the need to have control over you no matter what its just unbelievable, they can go to any extend to keep you under their mind control. Even invade your privacy, hack your phone and all your devices.

[@davidp2888]

I used to be a flying monkey with my narc. Not anymore. I define, set and and enforce my boundaries.

[@bryann9689]

Well done, it takes courage sometimes to stand up to immoral people.

[@taylormoore3121]

I was one to. It's wonderful to be clean. In my case, breaking free from the clutches of the narc was challenging. I can only assume yours was as well. Best wishes.

[@iys6890]

Good for you! Me too!

[@scentsoftravelmeditation]

Good Wish you all the best 💙

[@notgivingthisout6977]

The ensemble breeds, reinforces, normalizes and/or legitimizes dysfunction.

[@moirabijker]

I have gone no contact with my Narcissistic mother and her flying monkeys, my brother and sister. This after suffering decades of abuse by all three of these individuals including my dad who was the violent alcoholic, child molester and main Narcissist. He is dead now and I feel a little safer in the world. Going no contact is the best thing I could have done for my psychological health. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for yet another highly educational and validating video.

[@fatiss8595]

😢💔🩹

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Enabling a controller is never a good life strategy. It will not end well. Those narcissistic people are dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Let us stay steady and do what is right. Let us have peace! God bless you❤

[@bettybeteta2028]

I rather be a loner than a flying monkey and be my own person. Not sucking up to anyone. Was never a follower, I believe in justice and couldn't be happier.

[@carolynjaynes36]

My Narc mother turned both of my beloved adult children against me after I went No Contact with her. They believe her outrageous lies and criticisms. Very sad. But at least I finally have my peace!

[@karenk2409]

My heart goes out to you ,,,

[@rosewagner8735]

They r empty shells is a perfect answer.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Rose Wagner,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@arletakowal2706]

Shallow, empty shells. Perfect explanation♥️

[@melodieperkins7080]

Totally agree

[@pjpj3416]

TOTALLY HOLLOW AND JUST DOWNRIGHT EVIL.

[@stardustsparkles22]

I just don't understand why they cannot see that they're being conned/ manipulated. Like, don't they ever explore this so called "friendship"? Can they not say no " and see what happens?

[@notaclue822]

Maybe they want to feel like part of Something? Good question. I wonder the same. I keep coming back to them being immature.

[@rosettesionne9139]

Fear and guiltriping is what the narcissist use against flying monkeys to force them to comply. I don't blame them. In the narcissist game, you are either an enabler/flyingmonkey or you are the scapegoat and suffer of mistreatment from the narcissist and hence flyingmonkeys learns early on that it is best for them to just do what the narcissist wants or hence they will face severe consequences from the narcissist.

[@ravenel2]

I think there is a tipping point. If you have enough elevated people in an organization or a group, this doesn’t happen. But if you get a narcissist in a leadership role, everyone establishes a scapegoat and aligns themselves with the narcissist so that the scapegoat won’t be them.

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

That's right...Trauma bonding....

[@kathleenbotelho3307]

The flying monkeys are suckers to the narcissist they feed into the narcissistic game.

[@BobTheSchipperke]

They are probably afraid of them. Meanwhile they should simply run.

[@rainbowbgood]

Instead of handing over all their power? Yeah.. that would be logical in order to protect oneself. Don't hand weapons to someone threatening you.

[@izawaniek2568]

Enabling a controler is never a good life strategy! Let us encourage dignity, respect, civility, wisdom, peace and love as the driving forces of our lives. Thank you. God bless you dr Carter. ❤

[@warriormom5843]

So many flying monkeys are controlled by 1 thing: Money! Such slime!

[@shebakali6]

Exactly

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

And attention. Narcs are attention whores....Flying monkeys are little narcs in training

[@warriormom5843]

@@jacquelinefroehle5868 I watched her grandchildren grow up before my eyes, sacrificed to grandma Medusa by their parents (God only knows what she did to them privately), and they are all young adult carpet riders now….narc juniors, stunted, and socially awkward (they freeze up when you try to give them a hug). It’s sad and infuriating at the same time. Talk about cognitive dissonance! I pray at least one of them finds their way into therapy to work through their abuse, and right their tainted souls.

[@Sarah.M98]

@@jacquelinefroehle5868 💯

[@apxj8994]

True true ❤

[@dawngavin3765]

If being an emotionally healthy person requires u to go another path then so b it... Words to live by but so painful to do in life when its yr family. A great reminder I did the rt thing. So much denial going on in their world. I want my peace , its precious.

[@sandyr9081]

Amen! So glad for you.

[@seajayart1147]

Four days after this video was posted the narcissist who affected my life sent their flying monkey to offer an insult in response to injuring me. The serendipitousness of the timing of your videos as I deal with the ongoing complications from this narcissist's actions, Dr. C., continues to amaze me. The universe's divine intervention brought me here when needed most. Your videos are a healing gift to humanity. So is Gus.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for this feedback...and I'm honored to be on the journey with you. Dr. C

[@theresafowler9000]

The.narcissist grooms the flying monkeys as much as they groom their other sources of supply. One way the narcissist does this , at least in my experience, is to “do things for “ them. The flying monkeys think he /she is such a nice person, when all narcissist is doing is buying them. Then the narcissist’s bad behaviors are sanctioned by them , because then they’re perceived as such a great guy or gal.

[@rubberduckie5518]

Surprised no one else brought this up. It's very true and this probably causes cognitive dissonance in flying monkeys.

[@techmail5820]

That's true, by offering free dinners, free movie tickets, free gifts, Of course my narc sisters do that all the time then they turn and say oh its time for do favors now and then the smear campaign begins.

[@annbritanilsson]

oh yes flying monkeys have a savior complex. And wilfully blind with a strong need to get all the information on everybody. They fancy themselves as a kind of neutral Switzerland but they always defer to the narcissist even if they don't show you that.

[@annadonahue4119]

Absolute truth. And the non-N partner always wonders why the N will do so much for other people, but nothing good for them. 🤔

[@Andrea-yq9oi]

Wow! You are absolutely correct in your description of flying monkeys. BRAVO!

[@davidwho7847]

Thank you, Doctor Carter, for all you do! A couple of years after I went "no contact" with a narc. I was approached by their flying monkeys flying monkey trying to find out about my current personal situation. I shut that dope down FAST!! They walked away knowing full well that I understood the WHOLE reason for their interest. It never happened again... lol.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're on it!

[@notaclue822]

What did you say?

[@Niko5black]

I have a monkey that I thought was a friend. The narc is trying to find me. It's so blantent to see now. I fell into a trap. I lost a 'friend' but in reality i haven't. Thank you so much and love to all the people on this channel. You all have helped me too!!!

[@farilevan884]

Narcissist are seriously abusive

[@TC-gx3qn]

The saddest case of this is when a narcissist mother grooms all of her children from birth to be her flying monkeys. It is almost impossible to get them to see the evil in her-usually to their own detriment.😑

[@jc4r20n8]

Or the father .

[@TC-gx3qn]

@@jc4r20n8 Indeed. Sad all around for either parent to do this.

[@elainesmith5313]

My X Mother in law has 3 nieces that play the flying monkey role for her. It's amazing to me when I run into them.....the silly mundane questions they ask, trying desperately to collect info. I give short answers and smile ALOT. I recently moved away from the Narcissist and her Flying Monkeys. I didn't go far but I did it so " Covertly" that as I understand now, I rattled them All. Using their tactic was a great idea, they are so inept and so devoid of common sense that actually them being dense is a plus for us Empaths. Thank

[@knit1purl1]

Sadly, some of them never have insight. My stepfather hasn't acknowledged his roll in our childhood abuse from our mother. And he never will because he can't deal with it. Co-abuser. I asked him if he had any empathy for what we went through as children, twice. He never answered. He can't.

[@shewins3775]

Love it Dr.C! Out here calling a spade ♠️ a spade!!!

[@angelawade1445]

I must add here that sometimes the flying monkeys are bought, literally. The narcissist is providing monetary support for the flying monkey who truly needs this help. It is a win/win for the narcissists, they get to brag about helping them and look kind and caring while also forcing them into servitude. So sad for the flying monkey who can be a naive person who desperately needs help.

[@Vicky-jh3ci]

This is what's going on with my ex and his flying monkeys.He brags that he helps a lot of ppl,he left out he was helping them to get them to terrorize me.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

“Why do the flying monkeys fill their role so well?” Another reason other than what was mentioned in the video… Flying monkeys fill their role (and sometimes it’s even involuntary) because they’re just glad the narcissist isn’t treating THEM the way the victim is being treated. And they’re too darned afraid to step in on behalf of the victim because they KNOW the narcissist will retaliate and begin to treat them the same way the victim is being treated. It’s a big reason why so much bullying takes place in schools- especially when a narcissistic teacher does it to a student! It’s why many people stop attending church! It’s the sibling who wants to stand up for the brother or sister but is constantly reminded where the “real” authority rests. No one is sticking up for the one being abused! It’s sad! And it’s sick!!!

[@susansheldon2707]

Excellent description. Well said!

[@mariaawake4502]

Yes, the narc´s follower cave in to -usually only perceived- power and expecting rewards for finking. The narcissist´s game is only a house of cards , which the the flying monkeys keep it in place. It is amazing to me, how even the very shy, humble narcissist, I am dealing with, will turn into a convincing bully , when he sees an opportunity. You are right, it is sick.

[@patriciat4493]

Become a flying monkey or you'll become the target; a brilliant recruitment strategy!

[@LibertyB356]

Exactly! The FM doesn’t want to be a victim so they willingly comply. What a sick mentality…and sad.

[@christar9527]

Excellent point! I was the only one in my family that would stand up to my father. I can’t stand to see people being abused. Well that’s what got me the role of family scapegoat. They would never do the same for another person like I did. They just want to be safe and to hell with the poor target!

[@brendaleverick3655]

The narc has the flying monkeys in training to be as cruel, abusive, and exploitative as they are. 🙈🙉🙊

[@misty9376]

Because they are insacure... They wanna fit in an have friends at any cost

[@ravenel2]

Thank you for this. I had to leave two organizations headed by narcissists with flying monkeys and I had no desire to play that game. It’s heartbreaking because I loved both places but there is something sort of profound when you know that good people have to exit and not so good people have to stay…

[@TM-hl9me]

'Weak individuation' is a very insightful idea, Dr. C.,and possibly the core of the matter.

[@ardent9422]

Many Flying Monkey's are usually a little narcissistic themselves and they think that by placating the narcissist, they can get their own agenda met. Some times they see the narcissist as a rescuer or savior and so they owe the narcissist by always being on their side. Whatever the case maybe, they feel an attachment to the narcissists is best for them. Once you see how the situation is get away as quickly as you can.

[@yvettecunningham5496]

Totally agree!!

[@camillakongsberg1864]

I feel so much better due to your voice, and these clarifications of feelings, why they do what they do. Now I can think again. There has been years in which I forgot who I am. Thanks to you I found myself again!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome. You're why I do these videos.

[@CTOSHLL]

This is my sister for my mother. Truly scary people

[@willowwillis7374]

Some flying monkeys, particularly those from the target's own circle, secretly never cared for the target and welcome the opportunity to do the harm orchestrated by the psychonarc. Others have their reasons rooted in other causes. All are evil

[@echase416]

There’s also often a smear campaign that’s happened against the Target to encourage the FMs to also hate and even mob the Target. 🎯

[@susangeorge5399]

Called mine a loser.

[@margaretholland671]

@@echase416 Just what has happened to me. Exnarc has turned a number of people against me.

[@LibertyB356]

Exactly! Some don’t care for the narcissist but willingly do the dirty work because they know they are going to get a pay out.

[@christar9527]

@@echase416 Yes, my evil egg donor made up such a horrible lie about me that they all attacked me with a vengeance. I still can’t get over her smear campaign.

[@jazdtildawn]

Flying monkeys are also prying monkeys. They fish for information when they sense that you're going to leave.

[@charlesagibb6593]

Thank you for articulating so clearly what is so hard for me to explain and constantly remember when I have to deal with these people. Staying calm and just saying "No I'm sorry, I don't except that" and walking away is a wonderful feeling, but so hard to do. This is an absolute gem of a video. Thanks.

[@veebliss1266]

They have dirt on the flying monkey and they don’t want the target on themselves so they help them attack you

[@suzannesmith5339]

9:50 was the obedient role we were required to make our responsibility. We were called ungrateful, bad, or selfish if we didn’t be devoted “ flying monkeys”. I was the first to start my exit from the expectations of my N.parent, and it involved a lot of guilt, and outrage. The crazy thing is that I didn’t have the courage to start the gradual withdrawal until my late 50’s! Duty, requirements, and demands are not ways to hold a family together.

[@oxigenarian9763]

There are places in the business world where these personality types gather to practice their craft. I retired from one. I'm always amazed that these organizations function at all... :)

[@treesab2823]

It is even worse when it is small town government. Your taxpayer dollars at work. And no accountability.

[@awebs121]

Like the police force…? A high percentage can integrate and loiter there: with an aspect of covert control (or overtly) as we saw at the Feb Clapham Common, London feminist rally/Sarah memorial despite the fact, she was killed by a (stranger) policeman, who planned it. By their actions shall yea know them…

[@Heal..Restore..Moveforward]

What about if the narcissist is so so manipulative, sneaky, calculated and abusive and has trapped and isolated the flying monkey over the years. He has no option....he has lost himself with all the abuse, devaluing, control and has nothing as the narc has broken him.

[@Wynterlass]

Thank you 🙏 Thank you 🙏 Dr. Carter! I actually forward your amazing videos on to my narcissist. At 1st he said he wasn’t interested but……. Curious George 🐒 HAD to see WHY I’m happy and HE’s miserable! Every one of your finely timed videos PUNCH 🥊 him in the EGO. (We live in the same Apt Bldg but we have SEPARATE apts) Ever since your “ I DON’T CARE” 🤷‍♀️ response video, He is OFF KILTER & RATTLED. I have boundaries now & I live my own life. Thank you!!! It really WORKS FOLKS!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep learning! Thanks for this feedback. Dr. C

[@Wynterlass]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Oh Dr. C. With your help, I now stand tall, I know my worth & I claim my right to speak. No longer do I believe his BS that I’m “Less Than”. I looked him in the eyes and said, “ I did NOT leave a 32yr marriage to an alcoholic, to become an IDIOT!” I use the “ Ass’es & Elbows” Theory on him now. If he DARES to insult me in passing ALL he sees of me is my ASS & MY ELBOWS as I’m walking away. No longer am I his supply. Ladies, They need us WAY MORE than we need them! Watch Dr. C. & these videos will change your life! Im living proof!

[@meatrealwishes]

In a family environment, narcs make sure that the flying monkeys stay isolated, free of correction and in the moment. Thats what makes them so disconnected and dumb. Eventually, their lives are ruined and they have nowhere to go. Being fooled into going through this is a matter of shame they don’t want to face. They would rather block or destroy every mirror.

[@farilevan884]

Flying monkeys are a real thing i thought this name wasn't real

[@vanessapehl7581]

Thanks Dr. Carter adults make our own decisions solo not from a shallow empty so called leader...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true, Vanessa. Dr. C

[@vanessapehl7581]

Dr. Carter would you make a video about Character and Essence has many of us forgotten what is is to be of individual substance this is IMPORTANT.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great suggestion. Dr. C

[@radfan7020]

they are hollow shells... SO true.

[@moebanshee]

Finally somebody put a name that people will understand more than narcissist. They're con men their grifters. People are just tools of the trade to get what they want.

[@judithbarletta2638]

Excellent information

[@craftyhobbit7623]

One of the things that always intrigued me with the group of online 'friends' that I had is how some of them blindly followed the main narc. I could only conclude that they were narcs themselves or that they had something to preserve and so were willing to go along with whatever the main narc wanted. Even those you thought were nice could turn nasty. It's like that Buffy the Vampire episode The Pack.

[@metamarkusiamthatiam8983]

They seem to hide behind each other...

[@maidmarion2976]

Yes all of this

[@bereal6590]

Yes yes and yes.. you wee it all the time some are just sheep many are sheep in wolves clothing who didn't quite make it to the top of the pack

[@ravenel2]

By the time I was in high school I was done with cliques. It always seemed to me that there was a leader (narcissist), some followers (flying monkeys) and a scapegoat. I thought I was done but the same thing happened again in high school and even in graduate school-a clique formed around me and someone got scapegoated. I was always the follower or the scapegoat, never the leader, so to get out I always had to detach and do my own thing. Very lonely but I had no choice. I am not going to live as a flying monkey or a scapegoat ever again.

[@brennadickinson3562]

I think FMs are basically cowards.

[@survivorship4290]

Thanks so much ♦️

[@usernane3652]

I so want to be on Team Healthy. Greetings from Italy (where family is even more 'important'). Thanks Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to have you on board!!

[@andrewsonstony7710]

I want only no contact with my narcissistic mother.there is no other way to escape from her traps.she know every tactics and all tricks fails with this predator.she only wants supply from me like previous years but i want freedom,independence and dignity

[@DrexelGregory]

Dr Carter, it’s like you’ve been observing my family through psychic abilities

[@reginapolo3357]

Once I figured out who were the flying monkeys, I became choosy with what I wanted to convey to my narcissistic mother and it was kind of fun too hear how she would said that I needed psychiatric help. This helped me get away when they least expected. It is a better world out there.

[@taraarrington2285]

Just make stuff up. Gaslight them back.

[@moirabijker]

I relate...my mother convinced my two siblings (and I sure many other people) that I am a liar and crazy and a bad person. Nonetheless, I refuse to be quiet about the horrific abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents aggravated by my brother and sister as enablers. I am in recovery from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And no contact has given me enough time and distance to do a lot of healing. Best wishes to you.

[@sallywillis1448]

A flying monkey accidentally let slip that she, the narc, was telling everybody that I have bi-polar. I find it hilarious! She clearly did not know me at all. No contact is wonderful. Freedom at last.

[@audreydakin8130]

I’m interested in a video on this characteristic; I had a boss who always promoted and praised people he helped. These people were mediocre at best. He would go on and on to the point that that he would even make excuses as to why these mediocre people would miss meetings. It was the strangest thing.

[@RoseClimbPaintC]

There was this one guy who befriended me and my gut always told me he was a flying monkey for the unrequited love I had that won't talk to me. So finally I followed my gut and cut him off by blocking his number. Dont care if I'm right or wrong just glad he is not there to confuse me anymore.

[@ronakelly4855]

Nicole, always follow that gut feeling. My biggest mistake was ignoring mine. I don't do that anymore, never let's me down.

[@user-gl2ps6ui8p]

Thank you! 💜

[@BrickbyBrick4U]

You are so spot on! I appreciate these videos. I left a very toxic church environment about 3 months ago and this video speaks volumes as to how things were (are) there. A very unhealthy situation that I remained in eleven years after initially seeing major problems, but not knowing how/what to do about it. (I see now it is a cult). Trying to undo the damage...these videos help.

[@LS-up7qv]

What a great video! I've spent years trying to understand why flying monkeys act the way they do, and why they choose to support a narcissist. Your video is a missing link that I wish I had discovered sooner

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@maryri]

Thank you so very much for sharing these healing videos. This is so true. My adult daughters are caught up in this web with their covert narcissist father (my ex) he has used them many time to abuse me after I divorced him. It's been a unending nightmare. To the point I have gone no contact with all of them.

[@olikiahill260]

Hello Mary good for you bc this will be the only way you will have peace blessings

[@shebakali6]

I think it is a spiritual test. 🙏🏾. I have gone through things with a Narc family dynamic and have learned to have self love. I see it also as a battle of good vs evil.

[@BillSchimmer]

My daughter has been brain washed by her husband over their 3 years together. She was raised with respect and honor for family and was never abused or treated poorly. Now she thinks I am the worst father ever, (Her words the last time we talked). They will no longer let anyone in her extended family be a part of their family. I've lost my daughter, her husband and our first Grand daughter to man who uses verbal abuse and control towards my wife and I to get his way. He has no control over me nor my wife. He has torn her from her family, and made her make that decision.

[@a.k.7424]

There are books out there about how to keep some thread of connection to a loved one, when you suspect that the person are being brainwashed and abused. One title was "Helping Her Get Free," another had a title something like "How to be an anchor in the storm" -- I understand how painful and frustrating your position is-- I have been in your daughter's position (and eventually broke free) and I have watched my brother stay with a deceitful and manipulative narc for over thirty years. I know that sometimes one has to detach for one's own sanity, but I hope that before you do that, you can do your best to let your daughter know that you love her and that "the door is always open."

[@soheilay6778]

You are the best teacher I've ever had

[@SteeleMagnolia]

Wished that I would have found this video when it was originally posted, as it would have provided the answers that I so desperately needed at that time. The self doubt over "why" has been devastating, with the loss of contact with two of my grown sons, to a father that uses them as flying monkeys. This information makes so much sense, and explains why I've been made powerless, by a man that's hell bent on disguising his true self - pure evil. He has to care so little for his sons, to put them in this predicament, where he's been in control of the dialogue, and only his side of the story will be all they hear.

[@AlextheENTP]

What a lovely balance of analysis and compassion in this video. Thank you, Dr Carter.

[@audioupgrades]

A superbly clear description of what goes on around a narcissist. This is exactly what goes on in certain workplaces. Having a terminology, like flying monkeys, makes it easier to understand and explain.

[@JRDavis-hj4si]

Almost all working places nowadays. Narcissism is rewarded today. Look at the shows Survivor and Big Brother.

[@audioupgrades]

@@JRDavis-hj4si You're spot on. People treat work like a reality TV show with scheming and bullying.

[@user-hy2ji4yb1o]

Thank God for KZbinrs like Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani to make this thing called life more bearable...

[@taylormoore3121]

I was a young and nyeve person when I was a flying monkey. I grew. Saw the forest through the trees. Discovered the pain narcissism causes. Discovered my own narcissistic tendencies. I now operate in a much cleaner way. I was in deep and it's been a super rough road. I still work with the narc. But we are no longer buddy buddy. It's been a big learning curve. Swallowing some tough pills and acknowledging things my ego didn't want to. Thanks for all the information Dr. Carter. It's helped me a great deal.

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

Proud of you that you realized...and it is so good that you choose to remain away from nasty narcs. They corrupt others and use people like things. I pray the tables are turned on them..and they are on the receiving end. And they are given a taste of their own medicine. The flying monkeys too... they are not innocent..

[@simev500]

Cowardice in flying monkeys is worse than the narcissists themselves. But does that subconscious lapse in insight means they don't really know they act cowardly or they just are too cozy in cahoot with the narcissist, or lazy.

[@mrskmonster]

WOW. You are describing my brother and his fiancee exactly. Holy guacamole. This is so sad.

[@danchandler7112]

This really hits home. I keep trying so hard to move forward. But OMG the abuse that happen to me keeps. Popping back up. I'm not sure it will ever be forgotten. I keep being asked to be quite. But I can't keep in bottled up forever. It really has caused problems that I can't forget.

[@meralguzey..ph.d538]

Thank you. Excellent!

[@christianpulisic7784]

Meral Guzey,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!