Why Other People Don’t Understand INFJ Personality Types

Most INFJ personality types have had the experience of feeling misunderstood by other people. Many INFJs have the feeling that people in their lives think they know them, but actually have it all wrong, or they don’t know the INFJ at all.
When an INFJ personality type tries to explain themselves to others, it often makes things worse. The INFJ might receive blank looks and puzzled stares from others, and this makes the INFJ feel even more weird and out of place. It also affects the self-esteem of INFJs when they continuously try to communicate with people, but then feel blocked in this communication. This reinforces the feeling most INFJ personality types have that they are just so different it is impossible for anyone else to ever understand them.
The reason it’s so hard for most people to understand INFJ personality types and INFP personality types is because these are two MBTI personality types that have a completely different system of values from most of the population. The majority of the population is achievement-oriented, and people who are achievement-oriented are mostly focused on themselves and their lives. They are concerned with personal goals, and they value status, reward, and accomplishment. They are very connected with society’s idea of “success” and they tend to measure their personal worth by the way society sees them. They are focused on “winning” and value competitiveness and aggressiveness as good personality traits.
INFJs and INFPs are not usually achievement-oriented, and so these values and goals don’t make sense to them. Watch the video to find out more.
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[@bernardmartinez1275]

True and relevant comments. Do others really don’t understand or they don’t want to understand because for them it’s a waste of time to exchange to understand iNFJ and INFP even if they have good ideas and suggestions?

[@drinajgb2437]

The older I get the more I value the company of my dogs and nature. People are vexing. I’m perfectly happy in my solitude with a few connections I see infrequently. I live my alone time to garden and walk and read. Thank you.

[@cosmicman621]

...vexing 👍

[@krisano1prsn]

Agree 💯

[@20bluelilies]

There are a few exceptions, but mostly being with other people makes me feel even worse about myself than I generally do, so I avoid it like the plague. Brief interactions are fine, but I cringe when someone starts talking about going out for coffee, etc.!

[@jimmymhdalfaqih5397]

Oh yeah. Feed a dog it will never bite back. Feed a human you got nothing but betrayal

[@artwyoming]

OMG YES! I completely understand! Retiring in May and I am so looking forward to all fo the above plus being a nature artist 24/7.

[@maricarurmeneta6216]

As an INFJ, I always get misunderstood and I'm the one who always understand.

[@cc1294]

Freedom is more important than money

[@sweetanila26]

💯

[@cvent8454]

INFJ here. When I was younger, I would try and explain myself or ask particular questions, and people would look at me like I was really stupid or naive. I always knew that what I was saying wasn't dumb but rather on a higher plane than these ppl could begin to understood. I've never been competitive, I could care less. I do value ppl and relationships more than achievements. I despise small talk, gossip,etc. Too many interesting things to talk about. And yes, I love animals and nature. Feel the most comfortable with a very small group of friends and family who get me.

[@TheAleksandros]

same. never gossiped about anybody at work, unless I just wanted to fit in for a while to save my ass, because there was too many idiots around. Never been competetive. utterly no ambition. usually kinda passive. I do not care about wordly success but this world is mad.

[@mr.goodwrench8273]

I believe that most folks don't understand us INFJ's due to not having any understanding of the "methods to our madness". They will complain at us until they see that we have come up with a better more efficient way of performing tasks. We take the time to think things through in order to make work centers a better more efficient place. We also have more of a tendency to submit a suggestion to fix something rather than to just complain and whine.

[@yukio_saito]

So true. I didn't understand why many people just complain and why they don't try to improve things.

[@joannadavignon1608]

I agree, no one seems to want to think yet tell us to think more.

[@Who_hack_here]

Beautiful said

[@alexinfinite7142]

This is why I hate practicing anything in front of people. Such idiots 🙄

[@gowerpoweron]

Amen

[@ruthlessjones8220]

As an ENFP y’all are some of my favorites. INFJs are super interesting if people would just listen.

[@courtneymeyers82]

We really like you too

[@sherileyva5908]

Thank you ❤

[@yourmom2189]

The thing is, most people seem to listen in order to respond, rather than listen to understand. INFJs really need understanding.

[@iahelcathartesaura3887]

​@@yourmom2189 A thousand 👍👍👍😊

[@iahelcathartesaura3887]

We are often mutual favorites to each other! And we need each other. If we interact with the grace you just described.

[@sarah.j.777]

Because we don't feel the need to do all the silly antics and dances people do to get through social situations. We're confident, genuine, not interested in answering endless personal questions to entertain others' curiosity, & don't want anything to do with sketchy people. INFJ is a person to accomplish something with.

[@eyefreely9682]

I care less about what others think about me.... I care more about why other people don't understand me...

[@yukio_saito]

I almost give up making others understand me. I choose carefully who to share with and keep my circle small ⭕

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

I understand....i think lol

[@Queeg500RD]

Same

[@colonelgraff9198]

What’s transparent and obvious to us is unclear and obscure to others.

[@kathleensimpson2046]

Yes. I feel like I spent an entire Navy career explaining the obvious to the oblivious.

[@alexadellastella5247]

so true!!!

[@MrYoda-xb6mp]

It’s like others can’t thing outside their own problems

[@MrYoda-xb6mp]

Think*

[@BKandtheUnderstanding]

This has been my entire life. 🙃

[@soapyart]

This type is not abnormal. I meet people in South America and Mexico that are able to understand me easily. This is only a western society anti personality. I feel normal when I'm in other countries. Blessings to all my dear sisters and brothers, I'm Xavienne

[@soapyart]

I know what you are saying I gravitate to the calmness I feel when I'm around indigenous people. I feel that Western society is trying to be normal but don't know what that means so there is a lot of faking of being human.Xavienne@@Susweca5569

[@wittymystic7361]

I agree. I went to a holistic practitioner who told me that the distribution of personality types varies according to culture. She said INFJs were far more common in Western Society prior to the 20th Century.

[@Michael-dr6ix]

I have had the same thoughts about this issue. I lived 4 years in Costa Rica immersed in the culture of the locals and I did not experience these characteristics .

[@beyondher]

Because they are connected to mother nature @@Susweca5569

[@highparadise11]

Yes yes and yes

[@guidedbywind147]

"Everybody has the capacity for growth and change" Please don't hate me for having serious doubts about that...

[@thewinehussy_5609]

Don't feel bad. I have serious doubts about that myself lol.

[@thechildsweusedtobe2221]

The same thing come to my mind when she tells that’s. Lol

[@liadown9052]

Exceptions: people with NPD and anti-social personality types.

[@Mmmarie2023]

I’m a 39 year old infj. My beloved istp husband has made me see that people never truly change. We can improve certain aspects but change- no. I used to always make excuses for everyone and their bad behavior or hold onto that glimmer of hope that a person can change and rectify themselves but nope- a leopard cannot change its spots. I used to confuse “improvement” with “change” but not anymore. Life feels easier and more clear now.

[@amezfires9247]

They have the capacity, but it's not a guarantee that they will. Most people cling to their fears & insecurities, & they've built a whole belief system around them. They don't want to confront their beliefs because they mistakenly think that they lose their own identity as a result. You can't tell them otherwise, & they have to be the one who chooses to go down that path. It's hella frustrating because it's so obvious to us, & we genuinely want to help them. However, sometimes we get put in the role of savior, & are expected to fix life for them. We can't do that, & the lessons won't be learned if we did. It sucks

[@BasedGodEmperorTrump]

I'm not some "big brain" or anything but there's discrepancies between myself and others when I'm communicating with them. After I say something, I feel like I have to "dumb down" or put in poor layman's terms for them to understand me.

[@yukio_saito]

I feel you. I have to break down to small and simple things when I share something with others.

[@fatcatontario]

Same and the worst part is when people think this is a way to make them appear stupid 🙄 Not at all!

[@shantelljones6954]

Same here.

[@goldilocks913]

If you’re an INFJ nobody understands you no matter how you say it 😂

[@cosmicman621]

...I’m old...been doing that my whole life

[@IndigoChild60360]

We are just waiting for that one person who sees what’s underneath the surface. Unfortunately most people judge a book by its cover. Brilliant video.

[@pinnacle1717]

A lot of us don’t know that we are INFJ until a bit later in our lives, then after finding out, & discovering that there are others like us, suddenly it all makes total sense. If only we had known when we’re younger. 🤣

[@anonygent]

Hyper-competitive INTJ here... I understand and appreciate INFJ's. I prefer to date INFJ's because you're like me but with the warm fuzzies I lack.

[@annchurchill2638]

I was an emergency psychiatric therapist, but I did too well, and my supervisor got mad and I had to leave.She was so nasty that the entire staff quit in one day due to how she was ":persecuting" me.I have lost 3 jobs this way. I can read people well , am intutive and am an empath. I am glad I was able to retire as my ability to help people and "heal" them in a sense, is threatening to people at the level of supervisor.I have never once tried to draw attention to myself; just the opposite.But other people comment, and it gets back to the supervisor.an INFJ.

[@goldbrick2563]

Open your own business

[@anonygent]

Very odd. INTJ here. Hoping to start my own business soon and the first thing I will look for in an employee is efficiency.

[@sweetanila26]

I’ve had the same experience. I’ve been from job to job and I even moved countries. It was quite depressing realizing that it doesn’t matter where I go, the cycle just continues.

[@luisferreira2787]

I understand you 100%

[@SirenASMR_]

This is why I want to become a massage therapist and magnetic therapist. Because I can heal people and will have no boss . Only my clients . My clients will keep coming back because I keep healing them

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

One proof that an INFJ or INFP can use to know our way is closer to a higher good is that when people experience NDEs (near death experiences) they always report that our loved ones and relationships were the most important and that they wish they had concentrated more on this aspect. I could be oversimplifying but this just stood out when i thought about it.

[@jennacuracoa]

Yes relationship oriented. I love connecting with people and helping naturally but over the years have learned not everyone is safe or receptive. I don't want status or praise, everyone cared for and at peace

[@simondevos7005]

The INFJ is content just being themselves, while others seeking meaningless values, just to be accepted by the popular traditional conventional culture, My observation is that is an addiction to be accepted, an insecure individuals for them to find some kind of fulfillment. Which leads to disappointment. They are insecure . A prisoner of the TRADITIONAL CONVENTIONAL SOCIETY EXPECTATIONS. a very sad Situation were you can be easily manipulated, controlled, and lie too. And you can see this on to day to day basis

[@charleslinley4288]

The life of ordinary and mediocrity. Seem like that's everybody wish for me. Had to learn over years take what's good and leave the bad for advice about life.

[@user-ti5fv4sb2g]

Initially I tried hard to mix with other people though it was a daunting task as my mentality didn't match with any others. Gossiping, can't wait to throw opinions on every possible subject, chest thumping about how life is going on.... It was so draining to be a part of non stop talking by various people in a gathering. But after all these efforts, people could eventually figure out that I am different and most of the time I made a bunch of enemies before even realizing. People did get inspired by the way I lived and stated applying the same but either never acknowledge it or never ever miss a chance to criticize me, my way of life. But with the age now I don't feel the pressure of mingling with people and the feeling is so surreal. Just maintain a smiling face while all others are barking at each other and get a sigh of relief after coming to my abode in my own space.....

[@artwyoming]

INFJ describes me to the core! Life has been very difficult and now I finally understand why! I have been an art teacher for 32 years. Becoming a teacher was a miracle in itself. I retire this spring and am looking forward to being an artist on my own, going outdoors, celebrating the beauty of nature through my art, and enjoying the peacefulness of being by myself.

[@sherileyva5908]

I don't even understand myself most of the time so to think others would understand me would be ridiculous. I've just gotten comfortable in my solitude and have given up trying to bond with people 🤣

[@OnceTheyNamedMeiWasnt]

Hilarious and totally agree. But at least INFJ's are funny.

[@erikam9519]

Thank you for your kindness and explaining my difficult life as an INFJ. I resigned my job that I loved end of August just because the environment was so toxic. Tested 94% empathic and 6% social while in the companies attempt to get harmony within. At the moment I just want to be completely alone and not talk for weeks on end 😢

[@user-xm4wk1hk6c]

During times of immense stress or sorrow I’ve done the same; it’s how we rejuvenate and accumulate energy for the next chapter. 📚 Hope you found a more fulfilling work-place that has tasty coffee!! ☕️😁🌟

[@kurtking8452]

I can relate my fellow INFJ. I was working in a Job that paid me over $2000 a month but I quit. It was too toxic for me, although persons asked me if I was mad , lol. As you rightfully know, we are hardly understood, especially when we go against the grain of life.

[@james12erby43]

Same over here 😔

[@SirenASMR_]

Fellow INFJ . I understand. I am going back to school to become a massage therapist. Because this way I only have my client and me . Most of the job is intuitive and healing. You don’t have to barely speak and help a person heal. Most of your clients will be married to you because of how good you are at helping them silently . It’s a win win situation as you can work for yourself and get paid alot

[@Jenny-Avalon]

Perfect choice. My sister Infj was a massage/aromatherapist which she loved. But sadly had to give it away due to RSI. Now she has gone from job to job...toxic people everywhere. Best wishes. Remember to protect yourself with white light. :)

[@dianachoi9684]

The older I get and the more I understand myself as an INFJ the less I need for other people to understand me and the less importance I give to being misunderstood which really has been a theme in my entire life.

[@mikegeorge3392]

Wow every time I watch something about INFJ'S it's like you get me. I felt alone in my 43 years of life until I found this out about me. I'm part of a rare group of people, this makes sense. After all the self care stuff all the examinations of people, this is the breakthrough I was looking for

[@tuntuncortez6554]

I agree when she mentioned we aren't achievement orientation people. I started college fall 2023 after graduating highschool a few years ago and the reasoning in attending college was to expand my knowledge and learn. I like learning new things but when I tell people this and sometimes family members they see it as in ok but didn't you apply for college to get a degree. Personally I didn't but if thats the outcome hooray. But now I say I want to get my degree so people don't ask questions and recieve answers they won't understand. Also the relationship orientation is spot on. I value honesty, authenticity and I value personal growth and evolution. I don't like being competitive when it comes to personal achievements with others. Didn't think this would be spot on. Thank you for explaining ❤

[@SweetHeavensSunshine]

Now I understand why most people agitate me, lol. And now I have better ideas of where to look for a proper friend group. Thank you very much!

[@GlossyGabs]

OMG! This is spot on! I am definitely relationship orientated. I don't give a damn about status or degrees. Just that your a decent humble human 😊, I also value harmony and peace. That deep need for connection and I am fascinated by philosophy and psychology and about people's psyche. Does any INFJ here have Reddit? There's a great subreddit for INFJs and a page on Quora for INFJs.

[@cosmicman621]

....I stopped “joining” groups 30 years ago...I prefer to be by myself especially the older I get .Almost 60 years old now.

[@GlossyGabs]

@@cosmicman621 I get that

[@charleslinley4288]

Oh, thank you GlossyGabs! I truly wanted to know that. That's awesome!

[@pinnacle1717]

INFJ - we think & feel. Our “ways” seem completely normal & logical & honourable to us, but everyone else seems to treat us like we are total freaks. 🤯

[@djackman4229]

I realised what it is - in my opinion. We ALL fall at some point on a spectrum of sensitivity- from very sensitive to not sensitive. The thing is wherever you fall is GREAT - those who are not sensitive are TOUGH and get the hard jobs done - very valuable. Similarly the very sensitive notice subtle detail others miss and see truths others don't perceive- GREAT. But instead of respecting each other the toughies particularly have contempt instead of respect.

[@laurietenny3777]

I have watched SO MANY INFJ videos on this platform and I have to tell you that you have resonated more with me in 10 minutes than the hours of other videos I have watched. I was actually sitting down journaling about how my professional life is so unfulfilling to me at a more mature age and you very succinctly answered The Why of it: I’ve moved from being achievement oriented as a younger person to being more relationship oriented. I mean, hammer meet nail, this message showed up exactly when I needed to hear it so thank you. It’s not realistic to expect society at large to ‘get’ us, we really need to put energy into seeking out others who share our values.

[@mariannami8049]

I resonate 110%. I wish I’d known this about 40 years ago when I was just starting my social life, I’d not have made that many mistakes and come across many misunderstandings about myself and others. Thank you so much. I’m glad I found you here.

[@cynthiajohnson9412]

Same here.

[@yukio_saito]

Same here 🎯💯🙂

[@james12erby43]

Riiiiigghhhttt 👍

[@jbferguson1884]

As an INFP, I have experienced this, and tend to judge people harshly because I have been around some maliciously narcissistic people since childhood. I associate assertiveness with aggression, and suppress that within, but I have learned that there is a difference and that assertiveness is a good thing. I still struggle with it in some ways but I keep on keeping on.

[@kendrickgriffin374]

being able to "see" the ESSENCE OF A THING, IS A PARTICULAR TORTURE.

[@chrislim7976]

Thanks for this. I've never understood the point of competition or achieving titles. I do well financially but don't get a lot from material things. I'd rather help or talk to someone who needs help or company. I also prefer to connect with animals or understand an art piece. Achievement for material things and status seems very junior high to me. How can INFJs be a minority? It's sad.

[@AZRose2375]

I'm 59 and just learning about personality types. Without taking a test to discover my type, I knew when I heard it described, that I was a INFJ. I learned through experience that the world is full of different people. Some we like and appreciate, many we find toxic and annoyingly selfish and materialistic. The way I've come to understand it all is that for our human societies to grow and flourish, there must be different people in place. When the wrong people are in place, systems are not prosperous and will eventually fail. Simply put, humans are created differently to do the different jobs needed for our species to survive and prosper. We need the nuturers, the creative, the planners, the goal setters, the over-achievers, and protective, strong and fearless...... We need to see each other's differences as strengths and not focus so much on what we regard as weakness. Mental illness is another story. God Bless.

[@katec9893]

You're so right. I think all of us can be guilty of disliking others who are different to us and forget that society needs all different types. The problem at the moment is that certain types are valued more than others so many people feel forced to pretend to be different to fit in and hold down a job. We need a more tolerant society and more introvert friendly jobs, including letting go of the obsession with 9-5 (I'm a night owl so I work much better after 3pm).

[@neverettebrakensiek8771]

And that is it in a nutshell, thats all we need to know. All the time spent on studying and labeling seems such a waste of time to me. Just find who and what fits your needs and dont worry about the rest. Keep it simple stupid is best way for me, the rest of it is like studying zodiac signs, meh.

[@mendotafinest2714]

Got tested, came out INFJ. Didn’t think anything of it. Dr. Who overlooked test said I was rare personality. These KZbin videos helped me convey the way I see the world! I cud never explain myself to my own love ones which is odd cus helping ppl understand things is my FORTE! But we are contradictions. We are confident self assured ppl but the outside, less informed, mistake is as narcissistic. We’re complete opposite cus we’re OVERFLOWED with empathy. The common man can’t differentiate between confidence and arrogance. I get along better with animals and nature. Dogs grow a deep attachment to me. They’re more intuitive than me so I trust their instincts. They can literally detect a narcissist, I was SHOCKED!!

[@charleslinley4288]

I had dogs and cats mainly, but other animals, too, in between...they all knew I loved them and I knew they truly loved me. I think Infjs have a connection to animals that is uncanny.

[@charleslinley4288]

They most certainly can detect a narcissist. Looking back they were always trying to warn me. 😮

[@Hannah-yh7vi]

I get accused of being a bad person by people who think they understand me it's so frustrating when my motives are good

[@branzka5889]

Holy smokes! ...It excites me when I hear somebody talking in a way I know our thought processes are alike. Very rare in my life so far in my 45 years living....so it's been rough😕

[@stephaniegomes8095]

As an ENFJ I am deeply attracted all the NFs but romantically attracted to INFJs... it's hard. I wish they trusted me with their feelings and believing that I will make every attempt to understand them. It is definitely a challenge for me, but a rewarding one that fills my heart up - I can be talkative but when an INFJ (friend or romantic partner) speaks, I am quickly "all ears". Thank you for existing I wish you all saw the "weird" in a positive unique light 🙂 I'd love playlists on ENFJ and INFJ or INFP :)

[@luutzenvanderwey1627]

Thank you for appreciating us INFJs :) We do love to talk and open up to people but it's just hard to find someone who actually cares enough to listen to us. So thank you!

[@kurtking8452]

I echoe the sentiments of not being understood. Yesterday morning, I was in my garden picking some bayleaves, to take to a friend. There was this wild chicken in my yard,it was spooked by my presence,so it flew into the neighbors yard, where a big, black Rottweiler was, of which it did not see. Long story short, it caught it and as my gazed in horror, I was more horrified when the owner was there with his phone taking a video of all that has transpired. He delightfully told me with a smile on my face," I have never seen my dog catch one of them before". Well you know, being so connected to nature in such an intimate way, inside of me was screaming, with a calmness on the outside,which the man could not see. I wanted to jumped the fence and save the bird but I knew that may not have ended well, so I just walked away in disgust. 😢 I am a lover of nature and have a close connection with it and it seems to be getting stronger, the older I get.

[@guidedbywind147]

What a terrifying story 💔

[@Ali08]

Love of nature aside, why would anyone pull out their phone and record their dangerous dog attack a chicken. He should not be a pet owner.

[@kurtking8452]

@@Ali08 my sentiments exactly.

[@14mckenna]

I just found this channel today and I am absolutely mind-blown. I have not resonated with a KZbin channel SO much. I deeply relate to the achievement vs. relationship orientation difference. I definitely have realized relationships are the upmost important to me and I realize most people do not feel the same....

[@marysue1883]

Your videos are a lifesaver Thank you Also, hello fellow INFJSs It's a pleasure to meet you :)

[@zaram131]

Pleased to meet you 😊 I wish I could meet you all in real life. I can’t find anyone that understands me!

[@joyjoy-lf2py]

Hi marsysue 🙋 How are you 💃

[@joyjoy-lf2py]

​@@zaram131 hi Zaram 🙋

[@Kati3-kat]

Hi! Remember that even if you feel alone, you're not really alone. There are dozens of us. 😆

[@charleslinley4288]

Exactly...dozens of us scattered far and wide.

[@jansimpson4364]

Needed this reminder to find more groups who are alike in values - just had someone invite me to watch ‘the game’, whatever it was, after 50 times at least that I’ve told her I’m not a sports fan. Makes me feel invisible.

[@thegallantsaint2034]

I am not achievement oriented. However, it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy achieving things. I am continuous improvement oriented, and for me it is very important for its own sake - whether it’s my organization, myself, and my team. Achievements, rather than being the goal, is the side-effect, the _result_ of continuous improvement.

[@Ali08]

I like how you word it, improvement oriented. It goes to show that everyone shines in their own way.

[@CHLuke37]

We are naturalists that can transcend all perceptions.

[@evermillcreek]

This is all so true. I love to achieve potential and optimise but can't bear competitive envy. Many can't accept that you're not comparing yourself with others but just want harmony.

[@JoanHenderson-bn1yz]

I know that look people give when you try to explain yourself. I often wonder what “normal” people think when they are alone. This video is brilliant thank you.🧐

[@7737rosegarden]

This was incredibly helpful!! I keep finding myself feeling so LONELY and frustrated with relationships that are close to me. You put words to what is wrong! ...the competitiveness drives me mad, and I feel constantly judged and misunderstood by these people. I know they have no idea how it's hitting me and I hold no ill will toward anyone, just so much inner turmoil and I blamed myself for it all. Thank you for explaining the need for finding someone else that is relationship oriented to help fill that need for connection. ❤

[@lrwiersum]

What do I need to be understood for ? I know exactly what I’m doing. Just over here being smart and independent, living my best life !!

[@intuitiveimprints]

Wow! Absolutely spot on video. This completely resonated with me. It actually makes me emotional because of how well you describe our type. Thank you for articulating this so clearly and helping me better understand myself and navigating this world as an INFJ. I’ve been following you for a while and really do appreciate the many videos you have been so kind to share with us. Thank you Lauren! 🙏🏻😊

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

Whats up my fellow male INFJ? Hope all is well with you.

[@beansrgd]

Here’s the thing: because I really focus on my internal growth; I truly get bored from my friends constant stagnant energy. They repeat the same troubles to me ( cuz I can listen to it so THEY feel heard.). And I can’t blast at them “ do something to change how you feel “!!! So, a simple spontaneous invitation for breakfast becomes weird. I KNOW they know I’m a good listener: but I feel like a friend therapist!!!! Once I replied I was going to eat out alone - that blew their mind and they got offended! “But I made breakfast 🥞, just come over- “😳😳😳. That’s a new one. I didn’t think we were married…. So, yes I’m happily introverting and they just don’t get it. Whatever.

[@Kate-ru6ik]

Made me laugh ! I can resonate so much 😊!

[@danny-li6io]

In many workplace settings, having a strong supportive connections with your “team” is incredibly helpful if not essential. Also having that kind of culture can deeply impact the success and efficacy of the organization, so I wouldn’t dismiss those needs as being selfish or unrealistic needs of an INFJ. Because INFJs tend to be people pleasers we also tend to minimalize or bargain away our needs (as you did). In case you haven’t noticed the every man for himself, lone wolf thing is destroying our society.

[@pjmackall]

Wish you would do a video on the difference between INFP and INFJ. I think you could explain it quite well.

[@mokari9268]

You’d basically be comparing apples and oranges, Fi vs Ti, Se vs Si etc etc So basically while INFPs may have more concerns with the churning of uncontrolled or unscrupulous Te where it just chews and spits out whoever gets in the way regardless of ethics and so INFJs have inferior Se meaning they are weary of pure hedonism (shallowness despite all the glory/attention) so an INFJ would be more concerned about the quality of relationships and connections outside of just shallow or vain desires. An INFP wants to thrive as an individual in society whereas an INFJ desires a community that is conducive to individual rights. An INFP seeks ideas to grow their inner world with Ne whereas an INFJ leads with Ni - seeking a purpose or path that may lead them to enlightenment. The INFPs judging function is their lead whereas the INFJ leads with the perceiving function Ni, and has their judging thinking function 3rd… so the two are vastly different if you can already tell. This was a pretty rough explanation but hopefully it gives you an idea.

[@rupinderh01]

Im an infj. For finding friends, I have tried spiritual groups but no luck, also personal development courses no luck. I might try charity groups, writing groups, I like *warm* gentle creative types so maybe people that work with charities. Maybe people in the arts, I think a lot of actors are infp and infj? I'm self persevation type 1 enneogram so I really do connect with warm caring kind empathetic people, but in all my 43 years I have yet to find them unfortunatley. Any ideas for finding friends would be welcome?

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

Making friends is tough.

[@cynthiae6230]

Most people shut down when I share this, but I've found authenticity in my local Catholic Church. 🙏💝.

[@soloman747]

Have you considered finding acceptance in solitude? Typically lotus flowers don't grow in bunches like sunflowers do.

[@loveherenow.]

I think different spiritual groups, classes, charities, volunteer organizations, etc. tend to attract different personality types. I wonder if you’d find more gentle, empathic people in ones that are organized around helping animals, for example. (Of course, you might also find people who have a strong aversion to other humans in such organizations, so it’s somewhat unpredictable!) My guess is that charities that are all about constructing things (like houses) will, in general, appeal to people who are very strongly S-oriented, so you as an “N” might not have an easy time finding people on your wavelength there. And certain personal development workshops are more likely to draw hard-driving, competitive ESTJs looking for an edge (to continue to overgeneralize - apologies to any ESTJs offended by the caricature) rather than the kinds of friends you’re looking for. So an understanding of MBTI categories can be a useful tool here. Thinking about the personality types that a particular event or activity might attract could help you make higher-yield choices. It may be that your best bet is to hang in there and try, over time, a variety of activities that appeal to you on some deeper level. If you get involved in things that are meaningful to you, you may find kindred spirits among the other people who are there for the same thing. And meanwhile, your life is going to be enriched even while you are still hoping for more friendships. Take care.

[@user-rv8nj9cw7r]

I found some good friends in women groups/ circles. I also resorted to the fact that at some point we might need to hire NF coaches to feel heard and seen.

[@laciehamblin8584]

I feel like people just don’t have the patience to understand me lol and some do, and they end up realizing how incredible my brain works and I inspire them and change them for the better and also they help me grow and change for the better as well and I love that 😊 but I can sense when someone won’t have the patience to get me or understand me I don’t bother to even try to connect with those people and it’s 98% of the time 😂

[@paulettapierce9497]

Thank you. I started to feel agonyed within the first 20 mintues of work today with my co-works. This video reminded me of why I am the way I am. Thank you!

[@AfterCoffeeWithJess]

YES. I feel like I just care about completely different things than everyone around me and it's so isolating

[@dorrinemirenda6857]

Even friends I've known for years have always guessed at things going on in my life and they were so wrong. I met an old friend for the first time where she worked and her other work mates knew all about me. I'm not narcissistic at all and I don't feel I'm all that. It really bothered me. I don't need a fan club.

[@Mcky-lw1zb]

Yes, exactly. We have to have reasons that makes sense to us. Others aren't really baffling if you understand psychology.

[@agapephilerostorge]

Thank you. Very helpful. Please adjust the volume to a higher level during editing because it's too low. I had to adjust it higher but, with headphones on, I'm rudely startled by very loud advertisements. So adjusting your volume to match the majority of videos uploaded in youtube land would be very much appreciated 🙏

[@tonidelisa8185]

WAIT! There are OTHERS????

[@Hildred6]

Thank you, yes it was helpful, I’m an older person, never knew what was going on, but did the test some years ago and found I was INFJ, it made more sense. However it’s through videos here that I have understood how others experience this. I with I’d known more early in life when I could have used that knowledge to feel better about myself. I’ve had really poor self worth as I always saw myself as lacking in drive, ambition etc and rubbish at making friends

[@KCobainFan4Ever]

Thank you from myself (INFJ) and my seventeen year old son (INFP). Much love to you ❤❤

[@MariaBM1]

It's interesting I don't quite agree with how you have put this. I think I am achievement oriented as an INFJ, but, yes, the achievements I focus on are internally motivated and I'm not extrinsically motivated. I don't really give a shit about those. I'm also someone who focuses on cooperation. I hate competing and am not interested in it. I'd rather do my own thing. I guess I don't relate to the idea of being relationship oriented is because I know I'm far more independent than most people (the only people more independent than me are autistic INTJs). So it sounds weird to me to be seen as relationship oriented.

[@yukio_saito]

In my experience, many people focus on only short-term achievements, but INFJs see long-term achievements. Similarly, many people like shallow relationships, but INFJs seek for deep relationships.

[@havefun3470]

As a fellow INFJ, I totally agree with you. I think she got a point but the way she put it didn't seem right. "Relationship oriented" isn't the word that describe us the best. We are definitely goal oriented. Being Ni dominant make us prioritise our long term vision over most other things. It's just that our vision has more to do with our internal world than external world, so what she said about INFJs motivation makes sense. When it comes to being relationship oriented, we definitely seek out deep connection but being that person instead of career oriented doesn't describe us well. But I see it in INFPs and ISFJs though, they can be called as relationship oriented people.

[@YAMISOOLD2009]

I was struck by that label "relationship oriented" as well. But I see her as correct in the sense that our extroverted sensing and introverted intuition is always paying attention to others and our relation to them. We have the ability to read rooms better than many types. We walk into any situation and we fairly quickly ascertain how the other people are feeling about us and how we relate to them. So in that sense we are relationship oriented. Some types have no interest at all in how other people are feeling or what other people think about them. When I used to walk into my workspace on Monday morning, my mood could be altered within minutes if the first two or three people I encountered ignored me or seemed hostile to me. I would immediately start analyzing these responses for indications that I was at fault or in trouble. Other people can walk into the most hostile of workplaces and not even realize it. They are focused on their task or on their sense of achievement and could care less what others think.

[@charleslinley4288]

Awesome comment! I'm the same.

[@simondevos7005]

Each person has it own set of values , No mindset think alike . You can only be right to yourself, and not convince others if they refuse to listen, This is the art of letting It go. Respect each other’s mindset, by doing . You would avoid drama or any other conflict of interest .

[@nicolezlateff3740]

The issue is before IDENTIFYING differences. It’s easier said than done to deal with people different than you. I’m very much open to diversity…but it basically requires many different adaptations…otherwise basically diluting yourself so much that you don’t know who you are anymore. I’m working on stoicism…but again. It’s easier said than done.

[@YAMISOOLD2009]

Second video of yours that I have watched and I found it helpful. I am not achievement oriented in the way most employers want me to be. If what they want aligns with what I want I can achieve a great deal for them and for myself. But I have to be personally invested and see that what I am being tasked to do also helps me grow in some way. This does not please many employers who simply want you to do whatever they want for a paycheck.

[@kerryhager1841]

lol, I love your videos, there's lots of good stuff in there. let me encourage other INFJs that the older you get the less you care about other people's thoughts of you. You know yourself and accept and love your uniqueness, you focus on your own direction and goals, learning. You learn to see and appreciate (most) people for who they are and how they are getting through this life. Everyone has their own values and that's okay! Allow for it. When other people stare blankly at my conversation- I honestly have never felt weird- I feel like they are asleep. lol or they just don't vibrate at the same consciousness level (not a competition - just is what it is). We are all here to learn and evolve, me included! :) Just laugh at the coincidences, there are pockets of where INFJs hang out....follow your interests - We are there!

[@IndyRockStar]

I agree with most of what you said, but I do believe your speaking more on the behalf of Women INFJ. Males have some differences.

[@nwbest4336]

Way back when I didn't know about MBTI and being an INFJ, I moved to another department from a job I liked cause they kicked my boss out and replaced him with an outsider. Now I didn't know or even thought about why I did that, but years later I then understood that I was so sympathetic towards my boss that it was sort of a protest on my part when I did that, but I didn't even understand that about myself then. Now that I'm much older, I'm very much aware of myself.

[@jewely9757]

Tired of rude, greedy, insecure people. Over it. Tested as INFJ. Surprisingly, on another test site as INTJ. Retook both of them, they came out with the same results.

[@taketheredpill1452]

Your point about their accomplishment (winning) orientation was really beneficial. Thank you.

[@bethb.6813]

This was eye opening. I once told a new supervisor who was rattling on about if I did X, I would get Y, that I am not motivated by external rewards. That caused him to go slack-jawed. I wasn't trying to be rude, I just couldn't take another minute of it. I had no idea that this was an INFJ trait. Your advice also about having to tolerate that noxious (to us apparently) competitive talk was also a revelation to me that this was an INFJ trait. I have never understood the competitive motive and the bossiness that comes with it. In a sense, this is a relief. Because it is clearly a way that people are different, rather than actually being wrong. So, I will be better able to tolerate this behavior in the future. I won't need to see them as wrong or invest in changing their behaviors any longer. I also liked your clever idea to balance out these unavoidable exposures to the competitive crowd with seeking out relationship-oriented groups. I will have to think more about that to understand the concept better.

[@pamelawertz498]

The only way I am ever competitive is about making a goal happen instead of being about beating someone else.

[@remhk6672]

People look at me like im a freak due to this specific personality type that i have "INFJ".

[@Gemisnotmyname]

Everythin u talked about I feel finally undertsood and I wish I could find my «tribe»

[@BuckRogers2000]

Really AWESOME setting. The term effervescent comes to mind.Thanks!

[@Zkbbkzzz]

❤ I needed this 40 yrs ago.

[@user-bu5ye3mr5w]

For all of my life, just as you say, I have been misunderstood, especially by my family. The most dramatic was when I gave my next door neighbor Rachel and her daughters a $60 gift card to IHOP, thinking she would naturally appreciate and we could become good friends and neighbors. But instead, she called police and had me arrested and sent to the county jail on charges of stalking, because she thought I was in some way, out to get her and her daughters. You can't be nice to people nowadays. This has cost me $35,000 in lawyers and legal fees for to defend myself, something I should not have had to do.

[@SirenASMR_]

wtf

[@folday6169]

Thanks for the useful insights and advice for dealing with non-INFJs!

[@samdung5630]

Oh my goodness!!! No wonder I'm a mess! I'm exactly half and half I think. I'm very achievement oriented and very relationship oriented. This explains why I only achieve well when I have happy relationships in the background. In an ENFP, but I'm becoming more and more introverted. I also wonder if this is why I struggle with my Christianity. I think the main version of Christianity I am seeing is achievement oriented, probably because the church leaders who are "suceeding" are achievement oriented.

[@JennySparkMN]

I have an INFJ partner and we struggle so hard to understand each other at times. Perplexing. 😅

[@charleslinley4288]

Really how? Because I thought INFJs would be a heaven match. I don't know. I'm on an app looking for INFJs. It's so hard to find. I'm still looking, though. I feel like someone on there just said they were an Infj when they weren't.

[@ewalichorowicz4614]

This is so accurate ❤ especially the interconnectedness part. Intuition is super helpful. I also value harmony and cooperation. I am intrinsically motivated. I avoid competition and, above all, aggression. Such a great explanation! It also sounds like a survival guide to me. Thank you so much Lauren!

[@EricMHowardII-yh1rn]

Developing positive curiosity requires industrious work daily because doing so connects us closer to family members and friends in real life . Constant arguments disconnect us from one another wholeheartedly because of indifference, and misunderstanding which makes us spiritually ill in connection to social relationships as family members and friends. Thank you for listening.

[@tristansutton2956]

It has been a problem throughout my entire life that people just never understand me or my thought process. I love being an INFJ but its a bit of a curse too

[@coppersense999]

Subscribed. Thanks!

[@fatcatontario]

I am very results oriented, but it is for the overall greater mission not for the sake of personal achievement. I can care less for recognition and actually see it as a very immature attention grabbing quality (childish).

[@user-tq1ed1by5j]

Maybe it’s because my F and T are incredibly balanced, but I am competitive and very much so. (I am also a 1w2 and firstborn). But relationship does matter to me. However I have been made to feel that I don’t value relationships so much as I value my boundaries and expectations, and that much is true, too. I do absolutely love connecting with people who share enough values and boundaries that differences of opinion don’t phase me as much!

[@Itallnew]

I need to be with people that have very strong ethics, and good hearts. Just good humans. I sniff out the bad ones in a minute.

[@STRONGfamVALUEZ]

❤❤❤glad I found u. 🎉🎉🎉 INFJ myself.glad I'm not alone 😂😂😂

[@irenebaidinger3517]

Thank you!

[@stcsantiago5232]

I like what you said both can get out of control if imbalanced, everyone is important and has a role to play like diff instruments in an orchestra playing in harmony. there r leaders, team members, analysts, & innovators. I really feel weird growing up not wanting to get rich but just to go to heaven funny right? I was looking for a religion closed to the one I watch in Lenten movies, and found it! That's my achievement

[@Surveilancepredators]

All of my clients understand me. I'm not a complicated person.

[@iaraperrein]

Thank you so much! That was really helpful. 😇😇😇

[@terransnaturesoul]

Thanks so much! So many lightbulb moments. :)

[@nicolezlateff3740]

Lovely. I have not seen you before. I’m struggling a little with this regarding work. Thank you.

[@redhood888]

This was informative. I learned something. Thank you!

[@pacarter7169]

Many people have never heard of the Meyers-Briggs character assessment, but then to identify people who are “rare”? Requires interaction with them, as an INFJ- I totally understand why people don’t understand my character… but when they get to know me? Few exceptions- talking with a “wokeism” person is impossible, they are too focused on sexual/gender issues.

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

Ive always seen everyone else as weird and im the normal one