Why The Galavrck are no more | Best of r/HFY | 2017 | Humans are Space Orcs | Deathworlders are OP

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{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:06 Why The Galavrck are no more
#ScienceFiction #Storytime #SciFi
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Podcast is Called : ASN Humans Are Space Orcs , HFY and other stories
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This Story is Classified as HFY or Humanity Feck, Yea , but what does the Mean?
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture. In These stories Humans are often referred to as Human, Humanity, Deathworlder, Hellwolder in reference to the human planet of origin , Earth. This planet is seen by most of the universe as a place where only death and chaos can survive.
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Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
Humans Are Space Orcs (HASO) or Humans Are (Fantasy Race) Are used as a guide when writing.
In these Stories we normally View humans like the other races view orcs in a Fantasy Novel. We (Humans) share the same characteristics and personalities as orcs. Humans are normally treated as the outsiders and barbarians. Humans tend to be underestimated as well in these stories. Unlike Humanity Feck Yea , these don't always put a positive spin on humans\humanity sometimes looking at the darker side of human and humanity from the perspective of aliens.
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[@OGSontar]

Later: The human ambassador addressed the council, "Say, it seems there's an empty seat here, mind if we just take it?"

[@thorn344]

Fuckin' coldblooded.

[@nathansmith9104]

Council: N-no… please, take it. Pleasedon’tkillme!

[@westcoaststacker569]

Please take it and here is my signature on your document!!

[@stevedixon921]

Human: Total War: for times when you just have to make your point clear to the others that they really, REALLY, want to follow those Rules of Engagement to the letter

[@Allantitan]

@@stevedixon921 and for times when you need to remind them why you have so many rules handicapping you in war

[@RevRaptor898]

Aliens didn't sign the paper. Human commanders - Good news troops, napalm's back on the menu.

[@LtCWest]

Napalms for pussies, White Phosphorous is where its at. ^^ Lets make the Geneva conventions look like a fuckin checklist!

[@snidecommenter7117]

"I like the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like... victory."

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

Eff napalm. The first aliens that humanity fought glasses a colony. The aliens clearly have WMDs so I get the feeling that humanity's opening move is going to blitz the offending nation with interstellar cruise missiles loaded with some kind of planet killer warheads.

[@mikemoscato2995]

Nuclear and bioweapons have entered the chat!

[@SH-qs7ee]

@@mikemoscato2995 and chemical weapons, pretty sure they will love our Saren gas

[@ShinigamiSparda]

Xenos: "You really think you can make rules to limit what we can do in war?" Humans: "Who said the rules were to limit what *you* can do?"

[@merlinathrawes746]

Aliens: A species that has rules for war? WHY would a species from a DEATHWORLD need rules for how to conduct war? Human: It's for YOUR protection as a species!

[@cameron-vj6vy]

Ambassador: General we are going to war. General: Ok then, did they sign the Geneva Convention. Ambassador: (Smirks) No. General:.............. General: SOMEONE GRAB ME THE GENEVA CONVENTION BOOKLET. (Few minutes later) Officer: Here you go sir (Hands him the book). General: (Writes on the cover of the book). Officer: Sir why did you write "To Do List" on the cover. General: hehehehe....

[@hotwire23bwired59]

That chuckle is the TFS Helsing abridged alucard version

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

This raised a deep hehe he from me

[@panan7777]

CRACKING HERE 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

Dark Chuckles from general alien ambassador ok young one look up human malicious compliance

[@Kualinar]

It's no longer the Geneva Convention, it's now the Geneva Checklist. Bring out the chemical and biological weapons, and invent some new ones tailor made for the Galavrck. Don't forget to nuke their largest cities.

[@michaelyoung7261]

“A good man doesn’t need rules. Now is not the time to find out why I have so many” The Doctor who loved humanity

[@nickpossum3607]

You beat me by four days, but the statement doesn't ring any less true.

[@Furzkampfbomber]

This reminds me of 'The Blood Family', where the Doctor seems to run and hide from the Blood family... until he gets cornered and goes all out. _Then_ they realise, he was not running away from them, he was trying to be kind.

[@triedtherest]

Also The Doctor: "I gave them the wrong message, I should've told them to run! Run because the monsters are coming, the Human Race.."

[@russellperry9902]

I use a GB 4000 rife machine on clients. I tell ya , that thing should be in every urgent care and hospital in the world. Its a crime how suppressed it is. But at least Optune Is starting to get some traction. meh

[@darkestwilightt]

Night will fall and drown the sun when a good man goes to war. Friendship dies and true love lies. Night will fall and the dark will rise when a good man goes to war. Demons run but count the cost; the battle's won but the child is lost.

[@cedkira]

Humans request war games difficulty to be increased to difficult instead of easy mode. Aliens deny request. Humans: "guess we are speedrunning this one boys"

[@panan7777]

I can see Obelix plowing thru Roman legion....

[@user-yd1mf4xk2g]

Another one, another asterix fan

[@Maddog3060]

Xenos: "Stop attacking our logistics centers! Our armies aren't there!" Humans: "That's the point, you idiot. By the way, how are you enjoying our hollowpoint bullets? We find that lasers just don't evoke the same sense of horror as seeing a fountain of blood pouring from a gaping exit wound. Also, mind the landmines; Not all of them were programmed to activate immediately. You'll have years of 'fun' from the late bloomers."

[@nathansmith9104]

Ohh and do tell me, how’s the mustard gas and flamethrowers treating you? You having nightmares yet?

[@colincampbell767]

Funny how landmines are hated right up to the moment a war starts - then they become a means of keeping your own soldiers alive.

[@oddball9053]

Also, how are the defoliants and nerve agents going for you? Your cancer treatments up to date?

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

oh oh oh daisy cutters are really gruesome

[@freaktasticDan]

We heard your scientists had cured all diseases on your worlds hundreds of years ago, so we cooked up some of ours just for you.

[@MyrdinAnnoth]

Galavrck home world. Chambers of the War council: "...and that concludes our findings." General 1: "Very good, we should be done with this primitive...humans was it ? in about two cycles" General 2: "Indeed. I am looking forward to train the new female slaves of their race" suddenly the light from outside dims as a huge shadow covers the sky General 2: "Was it supposed to rain today ?" General 1: "No ?" stands up and start walking towards the window Beeep General 2: "A message ? From .... Humans ?! How is that even.... eh whatever. They probably want to surrender already hehehe" General 1: "Haha-ha....a...." the laughter quickly dies down "...what did the message say ?" asks in serious tone General 2: "Whats with you ? Are you getting scared ? You s...wait whats that noise ?" Runs towards the window as the huge shadow grows and less and less sunlight makes it into the room. General 2: "Gods have mercy! We have to run!" General 1: "Run ? Run where ?! You cant outrun that!" .... As the moon sized chunk of rock impacts the Galavrck home world sending a shockwave of monumental proportions across its surface, eradicating all life the comlink blinks one last as a message appears. "You`ve found out"

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

10 minutes later: “I’m now the last remaining survivor of my species” Human: not for long

[@panan7777]

10 minutes later: “I’m now the last remaining survivor of my species” BANG. "You lie".

[@taitano12]

A couple of hours later, the council reconvenes. The Human explains: "Well, you see, we learned from these two races that the... Galvarin? Halvarik. Galvarik! Yes. We learned that they would likely respond like this and that their best response would be them signing the convention while still declaring war. So we had all our fleets, including captured Zandir stuff, in place and ready to go... That, without my knowledge, apparently included an assassination team in this building... I still haven't seen hide or hair of them, and my government denies that there's anyone here, but the mess in their suite says otherwise. Anyway, half the "war" was over before I could finish my lunch. The mop up should be done in a few days. I hope they surrender before they go extinct. So... Who wants to sign?"

[@reggiehigh22]

That sounds like something human's will do. Especially even official ambassador telling you that there are but the rest of the government can still deny it because there's no proof.

[@taitano12]

@reggiehigh22 😈 Yup. No proof, but no doubt, either. And no telling how long the team was there, if they're still there, or how long they will be.

[@DrBobcf]

@@taitano12 The secretary disavows any knowledge of their presence.

[@Allantitan]

@@DrBobcf all the while glancing towards the shadows where about 50 are hidden and those are just the ones that let themselves be seen

[@nathangames1576]

Negotiating in bad faith. A justifiable reason to not allow humanity onto the council.

[@gman1515]

The VERY FIRST thing they heard about humanity was that it turned around a war against a well established warrior species in the course of their first contact. Anyone immediately challenging humans to war after hearing that is stupid. Do we even count these aliens as sapient?

[@GuukanKitsune]

They can speak, but the ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent.

[@xavierzaxavier5873]

also those council look really have bad communication.... how could their do not see the News? Also their Ego too high not suitable as leader easily provoke....

[@thedevilsworkshop7720]

No no we can not.

[@vincentvalashu]

When something is impossible to understand it is rationalized. In short, the Humans are obviously a found attack dog to the expected loser who supplied them with tools to cheat a victory due to a pincer tactic and under handed methods. Such a race would fall to the greatest military minds on the council. Those dirty rabid vermin couldn't even invent shield technology, they are relying on hand-me-downs! They need to learn their place in a REAL war!

[@GuukanKitsune]

@@vincentvalashu And then the race declaring all this almost IMMEDIATELy gets curb-stomped into the dirt in the first battle. I've seen part 2..

[@lumberjackofalltrades]

when all of your bluster and bellowing can't rattle someone, and they still try to get you to do something nicely, It Is In Your Best Interest To Listen

[@jakeand9020]

"we'll show you a war that you can't imagine" Well, going by what they described we don't have to imagine it. Been there done that, to ourselves.

[@TheSiriusEnigma]

The only war I can’t imagine is one so stupid that it can’t be war. Like sending mean letters and the winner has more words per pages. Wait… I just… never mind.

[@MrMaradok]

Been there, done that, went to war over the T-shirt

[@prestonjones1653]

"We slaughtered five thousand of our own people over a bucket. Do not underestimate our cruelty or disregard for life."

[@DrivewayToad]

@@prestonjones1653Don’t forget, we ALMOST started another World War over a tree.

[@ianharrison5758]

@@DrivewayToad”there have been multiple local wars declared by groups of civilians over sports, the only thing more dangerous than the average human soldier are pissed fans”

[@Iskelderon]

Considering the abhorrent things we humans have done to each other over the course of our wars, I'm not sure this is gonna go the aliens think this will.

[@leechowning2712]

We're going to kill all of the men, enslave all the women... And kill the children. Someone's about to discover a new religion.

[@TarsonTalon]

GLA theme INTENSIFIES. (I think it's a better fit than Hell March in this instance, due to technological discrepancy, and how dirty the fighting will get without the Galavrck signing the War Conduct Treaty.)

[@Allantitan]

@@TarsonTalon dirty isn’t a strong enough term especially if the galvrck attack children and small cute animals. (That’s when humans let their demons out to play 😂)

[@wellhello1575]

When the GM asks, "Are you sure you want to do that?"

[@shadeakiragamedom9597]

this was so much fun to write. @Agro Squirrel. thank you some much for reading it out.

[@mint2470]

Continue it please 🙏

[@JoaoSoares-rs6ec]

More chapters, our at least a few battles

[@reggiehigh22]

Thank you for writing it

[@ironwolf7029]

An amazing and very exciting write! Hope you continue it if you please :)

[@shadeakiragamedom9597]

There are more chapters on reddit.

[@KertaDrake]

You aren't just dealing with the average deathworlders. You're dealing with deathworlders who killed their own deathworld! We didn't flee danger to the stars, we won against that mega-b*#$* completely and ran out of things to kill! We went to the stars because needed new places to live!

[@scienceandponies]

Gaia was all "you wouldn't dare kill me! You need me to live!" And we took that as a challenge.

[@colincampbell767]

That isn't the scary part. What should really frighten them is the fact that we protected our most deadly predators because we didn't want them to go extinct.

[@Jaegerrants]

​@@colincampbell767After making many of them tame and our bitches.

[@freaktasticDan]

Us humans have a saying, we are the mold that devours the sandwich. Little did we know that other races considered our comfortable world to be synonymous with death. I suppose then in your language you could say we are those whom DEVOUR DEATH. You have met us while we are polite, and I hope you are more willing to speak after learning the fear true death has of us.

[@freaktasticDan]

@@Jaegerrants Is the ambassador going to introduce his pocket snake? Everyone knows to go to the council with their tamest pit viper as a service animal.

[@Zael_Moonblade]

There is no mercy to be given after such threats. Welcome to the Human War.

[@VadulTharys]

welcome to total war.

[@spaceengineeringempire4086]

Shall we make the galaxy fear those words. And fear a human general.

[@avroarchitect1793]

@@VadulTharys won't even need to go that far. The aliens are still using musket lines and volley fire.

[@KopitioBozynski]

@@avroarchitect1793 Exactly, space A-10 Warthog go - BRRRRRRR

[@233Deadman]

@@KopitioBozynski Nah, no need to waste that much ammo. Just arm a line of marines with shotguns and send an emp. Disable the laser guns and show them what our primative firearms are capable of.

[@insanecrazyman7637]

I want more of this story, can't just leave a good story there without telling how the war and battles went!!

[@JoaoSoares-rs6ec]

Agreed

[@MyrdinAnnoth]

Yes

[@UNSCrearadmiral]

You mean the massacre,

[@westcoaststacker569]

It is in the Title!

[@Nem_NC]

there is a... sort of continuation its called: "the battle of Ganin: Galavrck-Terran war"

[@TheEldritchGod]

What he should have done was,: "And is this an official declaration? It is? Okay." Touches his ear, "Do it." waits 20 seconds. "So a FTL drive just shot through the primary in your home solar system. We have one ship waiting at the home system of every species present, by the way. Turns out if you tinker with an FTL's space compression system, when you fly it through a star, it goes supernova." Pulls out a gun and shoots the Galavrck, "The other twelve colonies will follow suit in short order. I wish to humbly appolgize to any civilians of any other species that are getting caught in the cross fire." Hangs up his gun, "As soon as the war is over, We'll be applying for that open seat over there." gestures to the body, then checks his wrist, "Id say... this time tomorrow." Claps his hands together, "Anyone else wanna sign the document?"

[@calanon534]

I imagine his translator lights up with 50 {FEAR!} responses.

[@prisregil]

Now just need a part 2 of the council after the war

[@TechnoMageB5]

Part 2, as another put so well: Human: I see there's an empty seat at the council now...

[@inventiveowl395]

Part 2: "2 hours later"

[@yodaslovetoy]

When the Geneva convention becomes the Geneva checklist

[@generalrendar7290]

Ship Tactics from the age of sail, and a rate of fire and accuracy that permits the use of line infantry? This is going to be painful... for the galracki. Excuse me, would you like to hear about our lord and savior *Combined Arms Doctrine* and *Mechanized Warfare?*

[@muninrob]

Hrrm? Let me introduce you to my friends "Military Intelligence", "Special Operations", and the REAL war-winner "Supply Chain Logistics"

[@optimusboy1]

​@muninrob don't forget weaponized stupidity

[@Plus-0295]

Let's do gentlemen. I would like to introduce to you Berttt the avenger deleter of all things this @%#$&!# archaic

[@panan7777]

@@muninrob Google: "Rapid Dragon". The newest toy the USAF is already testing. Cargo planes as arsenal, dropping 9 cruise missiles per pod, have up 4 to 6 on a single plane.

[@Heegaherger]

You forgot Saint Browning and Saint Kalashnikov

[@talonsclaw9058]

Humanity: MARINES! WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!? MARINES: CLEANSE PURGE KILL!!

[@Sarindanvelor]

that moment when you're regretting saying you want total war as the squishy hominids start raining nukes and modified ebola on your cities like it's the goddamn apocalypse

[@dans864]

Not to mention covid 53 weaponized smallpox sarin and mustard gas white phosphorus trillions of gallons of napalm flechettes incendiary bullets hollow point bullets land mines and Claymores fragmentary bullets 3 sided knives assassination of political leaders poisoning Water Supplies and given the days probably antimatter bombs Neutron bombs Hypersonic kinetic weapons and since they just got FTL probably FTL impact weapons artificial black holes and The Spoils of War could be brought back meaning every technological advancement we glean from every Victory achieves new weapons classes being unlocked the legal targeting of Zeno civilians means that no major cities would be left untouched no Colony too small no City too big Nukes and radiation are probably the least of their worries

[@Sarindanvelor]

@@dans864 yeah look at what we do to eachother when the rulebook goes out the window and realize that without the excuse of being the same species and having some tangible reasons to go well it's us or them so we choose us

[@Dr_Ryan_Johnson]

"Let the record show, the ambassador has refused Queensbury." Sam Vimes says always accept Queensbury Rules.

[@rbrought]

The humans had used their quantum computers and AI they had developed and built from the years of war budgets. With that, they integrated the technology of FTL drives, wormholes, and interstellar travel that they had gained from both the Zandir and the Larishy along with some of their own technology they had been using for war. With a whispered code to an aide, he authorized a push of a simple button. However, the effect of that button had far reaching consequences. 500 FTL wormhole gates were opened at the 500 Galavrck main and support planets. They were linked to a common main gate that had been setup near the galactic black hole at the center of the galaxy. Just like that, all 500 Galavrck solar systems had been spaghettified and sucked into the gravitational field of 4 million solar masses and an event horizon of 13 million miles. The humans had set it up so it would only blink on for just a second, but in that second, the stars of the Galavrck systems themselves had ceased to exist being sucked into the Galactic Black hole through the wormholes. The resultant destruction of the central stars of those systems put out the additional energy of them going supernova. That radiation had obliterated and destroyed all planets and life within 25 light years of each star that would still be deadly for 50 years in the future. The Galavrck had controlled a star sector 1600 light-years across on one of the galactic arms. That push of the button had completely destroyed and made into a radiation hazard a 1600 light-year section of space that would never be inhabitable or even usable for generations to come. There would be no survivors, no second-chance for peace, no slaves, no use of resources. Just obliteration. Along with the complete destruction of all Galavrck space and culture, the humans had released a nano-bot cloud that had already penetrated all Galavrck people and all their servants, slaves, and helpers on the capital planet of the council. With the push of a second button, all the Galavrck people (with the lone exception of the Galavrck ambassador) were immediately killed and turned into a grey/green ooze as the nanobots within their bodies had broken all the various chemical bonds holding them together. And just like that only one Galavrck remained. At first, the Galavrck ambassador didn't know what had happened to all of their people/planet/culture. It was still on the Council floor posturing and making threats of how they would destroy humanity and subjugate the weak and puny humans. The human general just smiled when the Galavrck finally finished and arrogantly sat down. The Human General had openly accepted the Galavrck's announcement of no-constraint war before the council. Meanwhile, the Zandir appeared to faint and collapse to the floor (terror, panic) when the human said it had accepted the terms and the war was accepted. The human general now spoke with a soft tone "I didn't want this war, I begged for this council to not allow such things, but as we say on Earth in the old West, I won't start a fight, but I sure as hell will do my best to finish it (truthful)". The Galavrck ambassador was sneering in derision as what they considered a much lessor species from a Deathworld. The Terran General continued speaking softly (sadly) "Make no mistake, if any retaliation is done by third party species, we have random and remote weapons in place to respond to any aggression for our conduct in this war". At that time, there was growing disturbances as the messages from what had happened to all the Galavrck citizens on the Capital. The translators were registering confusion and lack of comprehension in many of the messages. The Galavrck ambassador was trying to call an aid from outside the chamber with no response and none of his contacts were responding. The Council Leader was calling for attention and order as the chaos of the reports kept coming in. The Terran General made one last announcement in a loud booming voice in the confusion saying "THE WAR IS NOW OVER, All Galavrck are gone, all Galavrck stars are gone, all Galavrck people and culture are gone, as the Victor, I now claim the last remaining Galavrck as my slave and prisoner while the remaining members verify what has happened. Galavrck is no more forever." He continued "I will be back tomorrow to discuss the signing of the terms of war in 5 rotation of the planet". With that, he motion to two soldiers that were standing by to gather the Galavrck ambassador and walked out of the council chambers. On the way out, there were several puddles of grey/green ooze spots on the floor outside the chamber doors. In the following hours and days, the Larishy and Zandir told the remaining species of what damages to expect. The main council species sent in various automated probes to the different Galavrck systems and confirmed the damages and that all Galavrck stars and planets were completely gone. The shock and confusion had strongly hit the remaining species as the Galavrck were one of the larger and more powerful species in the galaxy. Yet they were all gone in but an instant, all of them. The shock of just how brutal and completely destructive the Terrans could be put a fear in the all the remaining species. It came out that the Terrans had planned on wiping out the Zandir the same way when the Larishy had talked them out of it. While the Terrans had shown mercy, when the Zandir after-war plans had been discovered, it had changed the Terrans to say 'never again'. The Zandir initially had plans to take over Terra and use humans children as a delicacy treat to feed the Galavrck coalition of 500 planets. The human women were to be as slave breeders kept in small cages to produce as many children for food as possible. The humans had told the Larishy that they had done something similar in their past with chickens and something called veal. The Terrans had asked the Larishy who were the most likely to attack Terra now that they took out the Zandir and was informed that the Galavrck were the biggest bullies around. Their trillions of peoples had regularly enslaved and destroyed many planets in their all-encompassing hunger for new and unique treats. The Larishy had found it strange that somehow, the Terrans finding the atrocity to come from the Zandir and the Galavrck seemed to only galvanize the Terrans into a unified purpose. The weapon had already been tested on a single Zandir system when the Larishy had stopped them from destroying all Zandir systems. The Terrans realized that the Zandir were only the middlemen. In the days of the chaos, the Terrans had a public trial for the remaining Galavrck ambassador as the many species were up in arms about what to do. One of the Drander battle worlds that was close to the Galavrck had sent a fleet to Terra, but the fleet had never arrived and the originating world had just disappeared with no trace. The news of its disappearance deterred any other from attacking. After 5 days, the council met again. The Larishy ambassador stood up and again introduced the Terrans and motioned for full membership to the council of species. The vote was unanimous. The Terran General addressed the Council "I hope you have had time to look over our article of war and have considered signing on (confidence)", the member species were silent awaiting for further words. The General spoke again "The Galavrck have been found guilty of crimes against Terra and many species in our court and is sentenced to death". At that point, he pulled out a blaster and shot the Galavrck in the glron cluster of its nervous system killing it immediately in front of the council. He motioned for his guards to take it away. The fear was widespread with the rest of the council and many worlds were broadcasting the meeting live to the civilized planets of the galaxy. The Human General continued "The Terrans will not provoke or instigate any war, but we will respond to any aggression against us with the force we feel is appropriate. No one is allowed to enter our space and doing so will be considered an act of war, I have come to see who will sign the convention of war that we have submitted to this council". The council took a vote and it was unanimous in favor. And now with the Galavrck completely gone, the Milky Way Galaxy had completely changed. The General took his signed copy and left the chamber. He boarded his main ship and left for home leaving a single Terran behind as ambassador.

[@kevinpappers4494]

A fine conclusion

[@Neteruk]

Sorry, did the guy mention your average psycho crime as war? Mate, war is something far different. If you're ever in a battlezone, even for a few hours, you'll feel your being getting depleted every second. What happens when it's completely depleted makes psychopathy look cute and fluffy.

[@snidecommenter7117]

My uncle was in the First Special Service Force in Europe. I always wondered how he seemed to be normal.

[@muninrob]

@@snidecommenter7117 Driven by love for what he's defending instead of hate for what he's fighting.

[@snidecommenter7117]

@@muninrob He sent 80% of his pay back to his mother to help support his siblings. When he came home, his mother hadn't used any of it. She gave it to him in a lump so he could use it.

[@Allantitan]

@@snidecommenter7117 that’s probably why. He was probably trying to make sure his family could at minimum eat everyday and have a roof over their heads. If not high class food or a mansion they’d at least wouldn’t starve in some gutter somewhere in the middle of winter

[@keithmays8076]

"Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many." The Doctor

[@d3f3c78]

"after we are done you will understand why we give our worst storms human names "

[@nachtwaya8721]

Later... The Galavrck helped humanity prove an old challenge that all Terrans knew.... Fuck around and find out.

[@slavicgerman5104]

Then the universe learned a new word: Napalm

[@Bertranddeghaul]

We shoot the sick, the young, the lame, We do our best to maim, Because the kills all count the same, Napalm sticks to kids. Flying low across the trees, Pilots doing what they please, Dropping frags on refugees, Napalm sticks to kids. Goods in the open, making hay, But I can hear the gunships say, "There'll be no Chieu Hoi today, " Napalm sticks to kids. See those farmers over there, Watch me get them with a pair, Blood and guts just everywhere, Napalm sticks to kids. I've only seen it happen twice, But both times it was mighty nice, Shooting peasants planting rice, Napalm sticks to kids. Napalm, son, is lots of fun, Dropped in a bomb or shot from a gun, It gets the gooks when on the run, Napalm sticks to kids. Drop some napalm on a farm, It won't do them any harm, Just burn off their legs and arms, Napalm sticks to kids. CIA with guns for hire, Montagnards around a fire, Napalm makes the fire go higher, Napalm sticks to kids. I've been told it's not so neat, To catch gooks burning in the street, But burning flesh, it smells to sweet, Napalm sticks to kids. Children sucking on a mother's tit, Wounded gooks down in a pit, Dow Chemical doesn't give a shit, Napalm sticks to kids. Bombadiers don't care a bit, Just as long as the pieces fit, When you stuff the bodies in a pit, Napalm sticks to kids. Eighteen kids in a No Fire Zone, Rooks under arms and going home, Last in line goes home alone, Napalm sticks to kids. Chuck in a sampan, sitting in the stern, They don't think their boats will burn, Those damn gooks will never learn, Napalm sticks to kids. Cobras flying in the sun, Killing gooks is lots of fun, Get one pregnant and it's two for one, Napalm sticks to kids. Shoot civilians where they sit, Take some pictures as you split, All your life you'll remember it, Napalm sticks to kids. NVA are all hard core, Flechettes never are a bore, Throw those PSYOPS out the door, Napalm sticks to kids. Gather kids as you fly over town, By throwing candy on the ground, Then grease 'em when they gather 'round, Napalm sticks to kids.

[@battlesheep2552]

I would like to see the sequel where they introduce the concept of "unconditional surrender" Human: "see, you hand over your leaders, your peoples, and all your planets to us to face our mercy" Alien: "and why should we do that?" Human: "because if you dont, we'll just keep killing your people until whoever's left agrees. Or you go extinct. We're not too picky"

[@calanon534]

"Canada's been squirrely, lately, they haven't invented any new war crimes in 200 years. Raytheon has this new 'MegaKill' micro-grenade independently guided warhead - we can stick 10,000 of them in one drop canister, and our Atmo Craft can carry a dozen each. Also, the Floridians and Australians want new pets, the Finns and Russians want to make new types of Vodka.. the list goes on."

[@randolphphillips3104]

Signed or not, probably some things we still would not do. Since the ambassador put them more than 1,000 years after the Napoleonic war tactics, there are probably a few taboo things we haven't even thought of yet. We are really good at creating ways to kill each other, so a millennium should lead to some interesting things so terrible we would outlaw them.

[@JoaoSoares-rs6ec]

Actually the formations used during the napolionic wars were no different from the ones in the bronze age, just some tactics, most dating from iron age, and the weapons were different

[@mfree80286]

It's not a war crime the first time.

[@TheDamnedScribe]

EXTERMINATUS FOR EVEYONE!

[@jackburton37211]

@@mfree80286 my man...

[@spaceengineeringempire4086]

I can think of a deviatating but cheap WMD. A asteroid equipped with a power plants. A FTL drive, powerful shields and a engine array powerfully enough to move it at let’s say 10% of c.

[@petervasil6159]

another classic geneva conventions should not be broken story

[@Sean_XT]

it is simple, humans have rules of war for a reason. You shouldn't try finding out what that reason is though.

[@NemoConsequentae]

@@Sean_XT The Doctor has many rules & villains think less of him for being a 'good man'. But a 'good man' doesn't need rules... _Demons run when a good man goes to war Night will fall and drown the sun When a good man goes to war Friendship dies and true love lies Night will fall, and the dark will rise When a good man goes to war Demons run, but count the cost The battle's won, but the child is lost River Song, explaining the meaning of the name of Demon's Run base_

[@Sean_XT]

@@NemoConsequentae always good to see a Doctor Who reference on this kind of story

[@Nem_NC]

there is a "next part" / "continuation" its called "the battle of Ganin: Galavrck-Terran war" i fully recomend

[@ArchonSG1]

Good story, author needs to proof read though. Pretty sure the Larishy has already qued Humans as to what politics in the council is like and how some might react. Humans on their part decided that is would be a good "object lesson" in how humanity works. The two antagonist are dense as osmium though. Taking zero ques from the Zandir, I mean you'd at least pause and consider why a warrior Species would be cowering in fright in the Human's presence.

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

The story appears as though someone used a weak translator on a written ideographic language such as Chinese or Japanese, where the exact translation is (if you'll excuse the pun... or even if you won't) open to interpretation.

[@robertalexander5892]

The author stated on Reddit that English is their second language, not first. So, as far as I'm concerned, they did a pretty good job of it.

[@shadeakiragamedom9597]

wow thanks dude. love the support.

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

have you listened to an indoctrinated person who has a complete supperiority complex like charlemagne theres your real world example

[@dukethecrusader7815]

"since you didn't sign that contract, i hope you don't mind us dropping the sun on your cities"

[@Elmithian]

I think complete avoidance of civilian casualties is effectively impossible. At best you can try to avoid if you can, but humans have never outright ignored civilian targets if enemy stronghold is placed in among it.

[@DragonRoost1]

And there are rules for that as well! Typically advanced warning that dictates that anyone located in 'place' after certain amount of 'time' will be declared as a military combatant and will be treated accordingly.

[@Neonthereal]

I haven't looked into war law except in terms of use of incendiaries (it's not illegal to use on troops but against civilians it's a war crime) but the general idea with civilian causalities is don't do it on purpose and try to avoid it as much as possible

[@zackmerzweiler1590]

Rip and tear, A very poor choice of words.

[@ravenouself4181]

Xenos: Rip apart the Geneva Convention Humans: *Doom Music kicks in* - one war later - Humans: Well... that was boring.

[@JoaoSoares-rs6ec]

Weeks later as the galvrk capital was left to a piles of ruble the ambassador remembering that day in the concil chamber I should have signed that document, he is distracted as the sound of the boots of human soldiers echoed through, he had realised what the ambassador meant he had not just seen human warfare, but what they called total war, it was a mistake to go to war whit the humans a mistake he could only hope no one else made.

[@SH-qs7ee]

It's cute you think we'd turn their capital into a pile of rubble; much more likely we'd turn it into a sheet of radioactive glass. You can always rebuild it if it's just rubble; if you nuke it no one will be using that place for a few hundred years at least.

[@JoaoSoares-rs6ec]

@@SH-qs7ee I made it to give a twist to the story, the ambassador regretting his actions, he was warned, that's why I did it, as to preference I would use kinetic slugs lots of damage no radiation,

[@colincampbell767]

And after the 'total war' we will protect the survivors and help rebuild their cities. Because after the war ends - we see them as people who are suffering.

[@JoaoSoares-rs6ec]

@@colincampbell767 if they do not light the fire of vengeance, if

[@boelwerkr]

And then Humanity dumps 500 sewer rats on each Galavrck planet.

[@SH-qs7ee]

For their disease? Or to devastate the local ecosystem? If it's the latter, that is a horrifically beautiful idea, seeding another civilizations ecosystem with a few of our hardiest, nastiest little pests.

[@VadulTharys]

@@SH-qs7ee Sewer Rats are what the Russian fighters in Stalingrad were called, just a few hundred devastated an entire German army. It is what the US called the guys sent int VC tunnels, it is a term reserved for the most insane, psychotic, violent and vicious people used to destroy an enemy.

[@SH-qs7ee]

@@VadulTharys"it is a term reserved for the most insane, psychotic, violent and vicious people used to destroy an enemy." Oh, you mean a digger; after all, if you want something captured and held against all odds, send in the ANZACs.

[@VadulTharys]

@@SH-qs7ee LMAO Very true they are all just insane.

[@boelwerkr]

@@SH-qs7ee The microorganism in the digestive track are a bonus. It's more about the habitat they're trained in. Sewer systems and tunnels are less frequent surveyed. The population has to grow at least for ten generation until it's big enough to survive any extinction attempts. It's also harder to kill rat populations in cities without endangering the citizen. Then from the "starter" city the rat population will migrate into open spaces and other population centers. This is different if they reproduce in the country side. It's much easier to insulate the population and kill all living things in the region.

[@jamesmilton6529]

1:10 humans kind.... What war did you witness?

[@carloscaraballo4121]

(Back at the human base) FREE REAL STATE BOYS!!!

[@candibunny]

Yah... really should have signed that document... even after coming up with terms for war, we continue to develope ways to violate them... and defenses against those new developments.... Giving us free reign to use the very things we deem so terrible that we actively create them just so we can learn to defend against them, most assuredly is never a good idea.

[@styxriverr5237]

I half expected their to be a spec ops team in that chamber, to just dome idiotic Alien Ambassadors.

[@ethansmith9065]

The whole council saw the Ziploc cover its face and cower, and after all that the Garlic wants to lock horns?

[@calanon534]

"Mmm.. Garlic Buttered Toast!"

[@RealArcalian]

Greetings Mentlegent For the Rhyhtm that is Algo Definitely HFY, and the title is the punchline to the story. A good setup. But it's like most of the middle is missing. I get it, the title is the answer. But it's like...it's supposed to be a sandwich, but there's nothing between the two slices of bread.

[@lokilance]

The next chapter "the end of the Galavrck" by u/Shadeskira was posted last night.

[@Kareszkoma]

The Terran Union, have found war amongst the stars and we feel.. finally home. Not wish to ruin the writers creation. Just the first thought that came into mind.

[@tonyjanney1654]

The Terran Union, have found war amongst the stars and well, "Cry Havoc and let slip the dogs of war".

[@Kareszkoma]

@@tonyjanney1654 T. T Yes.

[@chrisdufresne9359]

Hey, y'all wanna limit what we're willing to do in war? No? Neat. How well do your people handle heat? No reason, but I'd like you to meet Hanz.

[@JoshuaGensheimer]

Hans found his flammenwerfer

[@panan7777]

Well you should check our old movies and learn the term "free for all" with shotguns and revolvers. OK Corral would be a good started, very mild introduction to our ways....

[@misuzukisensei6704]

Galvaricks refusing to sign the treaty: Humans: Eyyy guess we can use that White Phosphorus now?

[@patrickpotts3932]

I love you videos Man I am so glad I found you on KZbin

[@GeorgeOrwell-yz6zx]

This is a fantastic channel. The series are my favorites. Humans Don't Make Good Familiars and Dungeon Life are great

[@eneram8846]

I can only pity them. For they have declared their death warrant by saying they want TOTAL WAR. and we will oblige. They will get total war. They will get the wrath of our kind. THEY SHAL HEAR THE SONG OF OUR PEOPLE. And that's a sorrowful song played with hight caliber guns and the unending march of tank treads and human footsteps. For we know the price. We know the sadness. And will pay it every time. For no sacrifice is too small for peace.

[@robertstoneking7916]

The Galavrck ambassador's claim of war seemed much like Sir Bors saying " One rabbit stew coming right up."

[@Strutinan]

We just need to smuggle a few Ranger and Demolitionist teams onto thier worlds, packed in cargo crates or something similar. Hard to fight a war when your leaders are being killed in thier sleep, and your factories and shipyards keep "mysteriously" blowing up, lol.

[@xavierzaxavier5873]

dont forget human can always sent few kamikaze troop equip with nuke or bio-weapon on their agriculture planet...

[@Allantitan]

@@xavierzaxavier5873 and they will deny any involvement of it along the way

[@witchcandy3671]

Human: Yes we come from a Deathworld as you describe it. However my species terraformed it over a few hundred cycles by poisoning the air, water and soil. We didn't stop there, we managed to unstabilize the weather through global warming at the same time causing all sorts of natural catastrophes and we did all that through an act of laziness, we weren't even trying. Then we created artificial sentient life forms, which you'd think would have prepared us for other sentient life forms but actually forced us to realize we were the bigger threat all along. Despite our best efforts we sometimes still kill life forms as easily as our ancestors once swatted parasitical insects. Even as I talk to you there's likely a chance that airborne viruses I carry subdued within my own body are even right now invading yours and learning to metabolize your organs through a variety of fast acting mutations. I'm afraid none of you will be able to return to your people without bringing a plague of death to all of your kind. For that I am sorry. However if you agree to the rules we have supplied the rest of your species will be free of such a most likely gruesome death. You know the kind that's caused by thousands of viruses liquidating your body from the inside out. Does anyone mind if I smoke, my species has grown quite accustomed to imbibing all sorts of poisons, it gets rather addictive but in truth it makes it easier for us not to murder other life forms, you know as long as we are slowly killing ourselves it relieves the tension.

[@kevinpappers4494]

😂

[@DonPatrono]

Humans: So about this set of rules we called the "Geneva Convention" Galavrck: F*CK YOU WE'LL WIPE THE FLOOR WITH YOU WEAKLINGS Humans: .....which have suddenly turned into the "Geneva Speedrun Any%"

[@bennood2031]

'neat weapons in perspective to the French revolution'... Oh boy; they should of really signed that paper...

[@slimeinabox]

"War is a waste of time and resources." -Me. (and probably other people.)

[@USS_Grey_Ghost]

Wish this had a part 2 late war and post war

[@ettibbet5493]

There's a part two

[@USS_Grey_Ghost]

@@ettibbet5493 welp I hope he gets the that second half soon

[@zacharyclapp1072]

15:40 Did that guy just dungeon master that Galavrck?

[@shadeakiragamedom9597]

Yes

[@dracodraconias8096]

I would love to see a lot of these be turned into a TV show

[@zuzax1656]

I have had the same thought, but TV might be too hard to get aired. I have have watched many fan fiction stories that have been animated for YT channels. That, I think, would be the best way to get some of these authors' stories in a visual format. Personally, I'd love to see some of the stories from Betty Adams' 'Humans Are Weird' universe done.

[@dracodraconias8096]

@@zuzax1656 I wonder how difficult it'd be to do some of the dungeon and especially the fork my life, that'd be hilarious. If I could I'd love to be a part of it because it's gonna be fun.

[@flyboy6392]

@@zuzax1656 How about as a web series?

[@zuzax1656]

@@flyboy6392 Yep, that would work, too. You'd still need artists, if it is going to be animated.

[@beave200]

This reminds me of my favorite line brennen lee mullagen ever said. "What do you want me to tell your family?"

[@JackyPup]

I've been binging these. One small request. Please reduce the size of the fish-tank. :). I like reading along, and text is too close to where you're reading. I absolutely love these. Thank you soo much.

[@SpiritWolf1966]

I enjoy all of Agro Squirrel Narrates videos

[@JRMshadow260a]

Is there more to this story???? More please...

[@Danodan94]

This is set up to turn into a short series.

[@Eboreg2]

I love how the Zandir are built up to be one of the most powerful races in the galaxy and when the Galavrck decide to declare war on them, the Zandir ambassador immediately responds with "God have mercy on their souls."

[@timidonplays1599]

I first heard Agro Squirrel on Escape Pod, and got used to his voice. Good Narrator!

[@stephenlelacheur]

i hope they make a full story of this

[@MethuselahWinter]

A moment of silence for the Galavrcks, just as silent as the remains of their homeworld.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@medicentio]

"Remember that Warhammer 40K board game?" "yeah...?" "Well, we're using that as reference for our war propaganda."

[@jobob9643]

My favorite part of the Geneva convention?... that I'm not a signatory.

[@SuperbeastOR]

That last story really needs a part two. Were the Galavrk realize too late that the human ambassador wasn't lying and beg for peace. But realizes it's to late as we wipe them from existence. We may forgive but we will never forget. We always offer peace once..... but only once. For our enemies sake, and humanities as well. Because we is a last resort. But once a fight is started with us, by god then we will finish it. 😂😂😂

[@SerunaXI]

Human Ambassador: You sound quite tame and new to the concept of total war.

[@virtualatheist]

We humans don't like war... We are, however, very fucking good at it!

[@justingray2584]

I neeeeed a part 2!

[@thorin1045]

ah, one more bs were the writer for some unknown reason consider humans as good. never we even remotely considered the genova check list anything more than stuff the strong force on the weak if they manage, usually even that is failed.

[@mattparker1078]

I Need a part 2!

[@alexispalangeo8643]

Oh man the amount of shit we'll do to the alien POWs... Imagine a collaboration between unit 731 and the Nazi science division working on dead and live aliens.

[@manwiththeplan300]

Humans are only similar to space Orcs in certain aspects we are not mindless creatures smashing things together and literally have psychic powers so powerful we can reshape reality but we are aware of it we are not the muscle brained idiot creature Spore things we have many similarities to these creatures but the difference is we are not inherently assholes we are not inherently extremist we're not inherently jocks taken to the extreme we are diversity growth and understanding compassion honor Pride and Hope we are all these things space Orcs on the other hand the only way to tap into their power is the waaaaa it's a rage fueled state humans on the other hand don't have to be stuck in some sort of weird limited state

[@willgallatin2802]

With threats like those, this will be messy. FAFO dear xeno.

[@WallNutBreaker524]

Im kinda getting bored, I got introduced to these series of "humans are space orcs" through the video "why humans avoid war.", I loved it because it reminded me of the Greater Terran Union from stellaris, but it seems most stories like that have begun to die down, some stories now are confusing, incomplete or okay but don't scratch the itch I have, can anyone recommend me anything that's like The Greater Terran Union or Gate Jietai?

[@Darkwintre]

Any link to that continuation of this story?

[@selador11]

Wait wait wait... If the enemy attacks our non-combatants, and we take off the gloves... We are righteous. But if the enemy does the same thing, they are loathsome?

[@zerumsum1640]

upon the answer of "no" to signing the updated Geneva Convention, the Galavrck had made their single greatest mistake of their specie's exisistance: turning the Geneva Convention into the Geneva Checklist. They were warned and nobody, not even a warrior race, threatens humanity with slavery and violence. After all, once doesn't simply challenge the masters of warfare.

[@panan7777]

Said mastery achieved by killing each other for thousands of years in every imaginable way possible and a lot NOT imaginable. Practice makes perfect....

[@1000Shade]

Is there a part 2 would like to hear the war itself

[@meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee2]

Could the human ambassador perhaps have asked that all the alien races that taste of chicken hold up a hand. Just asking on the behalf of the SAS so they know what spices to bring.

[@calanon534]

And any American from that dread place called "The Souf"

[@learcioobleke2292]

Did the poster do a part two?

[@shadowking6911]

Is there a part 2 to this story

[@sirkole5517]

This is a perfect representation of humainty

[@andrewdrescher5652]

Is there a part 2?

[@amberkat8147]

So exactly what do I look up as the sequel to this? I don't want to not be able to find it.

[@101_skeleton6]

What is the background music?

[@williampuddester-rose9904]

is there a part 2?

[@macpurdy]

For the algorithm and the narrator.