Why we get defensive-and how to stop | Khailing Neoh | TEDxUnity Park

In her talk, Khailing speaks on the practical everyday understanding of our ego and how to acknowledge, accept, and continue with our lives in light of what it has to say. Through this process, Khailing proposes that we are able to build a healthy framework for responding to feelings of insecurity that we experience in our day to day lives.
Khailing Neoh is an restauranteur, entrepreneur, and community advocate based in Greenville, South Carolina. Khailing has spent most of her life learning from her community. Her passion for people led her to create Sum Bar, Greenville’s first dim sum restaurant. Food may be the vehicle, but stories and people are the true source of inspiration. Her non-profit work, personal journey, and listening leadership makes her qualified to speak on empathy and ego. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@MrCandyeveryday]

"You are not your worst moments and it does not define you" -- this is so encouraging! Thank you so much!

[@Ang36914]

Very insightful talk. This explains why my ex-friend was always so defensive, even when I tried my best to communicate non-judgementally.

[@lilibethvilella]

Just finished reading THE SUN ALWAYS PIERCES THROUGH on healing mind heart soul

[@azizaboukhecha7206]

is it good ?

[@nancyott7486]

Fantastic! I can relate to each example she shared and also start applying her solutions right away. I love this.

[@ivangohome]

An actually useful lecture 👍

[@angelorajendram92]

Thank you, I can relate to this!

[@ganjei5236]

Thank you so much for this talk. I can relate SO much to everything you said and I've been working on those behavior & thought patterns for quite some time. Your words help and reassure me :)

[@michelleschmitt3926]

I really needed this today, thank you.

[@victornoagbodji]

Awesome speaker! Thanks for sharing 🙏

[@beautyandfinance9993]

Thank you for sharing your story ❤

[@anep.a5273]

Great Ted talk!!

[@kishoresoma6534]

In the delicate balance of relationships, moments of joy often coexist with deeper emotional challenges. Ego frequently emerges in the form of defensiveness or perfectionism, driven by an instinct to shield one’s vulnerabilities. Recognizing and managing these reactions is crucial for fostering authentic connections. A simple yet profound approach involves acknowledging feelings, accepting them, and continuing with grace. This means understanding one’s emotions, accepting personal flaws, and striving to grow. Embracing vulnerability and gratitude in interactions can transform relationships, shifting focus from individual insecurities to collective strength. Ultimately, navigating ego is about cultivating self-awareness and compassion, leading to more genuine and fulfilling relationships.

[@ClassySassyManes]

WOW, all of a sudden I feel like the worse parent in the world

[@eleven.eleven.]

If you were my mom, I would want you to know that it is never too late to do differently. One day in the future you can watch this again and say, "I no longer feel like the worst parent." You are good inside and you can change. Good luck! ❤

[@911canihelpu]

your username made that obvious

[@MandyRoy425]

But now you know better so you can do better. ❤

[@lynn_thinks]

Insight gives great opportunities for growth. 👍

[@tlombo3740]

The coolest thing is you're able to acknowledge and recognize where you can improve. All of us can relate to some things that were mentioned. Now you could be the best mother if you apply the things that you've learned. Lord bless you sis. Ask God for strength. Jesus is the way

[@Vishnustudypurpose]

Insightful... Thankyou!

[@pradipbhatt797]

Great & inspirational discussion 💯👏👏

[@tamikovacs3887]

Other animals have consciousness as well

[@MeRia035]

Yep. When I hear people still repeating outdated, false (and often insulting) theories regarding our animal friends it's a struggle nott to get angry.

[@choi3an]

tysm ❤

[@Jayleenyc]

I also learned to lead with fear and not love and that responding with anger was the normal reaction.

[@TruthsVeryOwn]

Thank you!

[@TruthsVeryOwn]

We appreciate your honesty!

[@user-ud5wk8hj1d]

It's good to see different people.

[@Last_Chance.]

You are living the dream my brother. I wish so bad that I could afford a fast surron. You are my hero brother. God bless you

[@moonlightliberty]

She has such a lovely voice - I'd love to listen to a podcast or youtube channel of hers!

[@pluribus_unum]

As welcome as a fresh cuppa, and way more useful in the long-term.

[@simrankaim727]

Yeah its preety cool knowing where this eco come from so we can 😂remove that 😊amazing i am in just love being invoiled such good plateform thanks tedx😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@Scooby4ever]

Very smart girl 💯

[@TianasFrog973]

Jumped to over a thousand in seven minutes

[@cathythompson1059]

But, where are the thumbs up? 😢

[@ptkettlehatsandthegang]

10:30 I love your channel and your audience, I'm gonna comment on ALL your videos for years until I reach your level of subscribers.

[@lovewin555]

❤❤

[@carlschleg5822]

UBETYA AND GRATEFUL YOU ROCK GIRL HUGS2U

[@TianasFrog973]

Wow every minute another hundred people

[@Ryan-hs9ef]

uh.. yea... this channel has 41 million subscribers id be worried if it wasnt doing that

[@Jayleenyc]

This is DBT and CBT.

[@BrianMcInnis87]

1:44 Not true at all. There's tremendous benefit for Emily learning the crucial fact that a great many people who have very good sides also have very bad sides.

[@Jayleenyc]

I thought some of the examples she gave that she said were bc of ego were self esteem issues.

[@HappinessTheBrand]

🍿 let’s go

[@djackson4605]

A lot of people that are prone to self-pity and making excuses will not accept this message well. I'm being terse but a lot of losers will never adopt self-reflection techniques that will improve their behavior. Its far easier (and more common) to just blame outside sources rather than try.

[@MeRia035]

Oh my gosh, where you wrote 'most losers will never adopt self reflection techniques' I read it as 'most bosses will never...' lol

[@erok268]

Lol i hope emily isnt her real name. And they know now for sure.

[@paulapaulina9132]

💐🤗❤️

[@IMeanMachine101]

this sounds like ADHD

[@owenpeller6471]

In case no one told you animals have their own thoughts and ceilings just like people. You are so mistaken.

[@Tuiphan]

Acknowledge your ego.

[@Ang36914]

But I can’t imagine animals having egos, except for cats lol.

[@bwadez]

Step 1 should be don't do a Ted talk 😂

[@1sportsfan]

Emily & Becca. Must be white women.

[@djackson4605]

Yes certain people have typical names. Some people make up random, long ones... The preferable choice is quite clear.

[@kylehawker6557]

I already know this isn't worth watching as it is a woman telling others how to get over them selves.

[@octiiXpies]

You seem a little... defensive 👀

[@Lolcoca]

Why don’t you care about people ! Just focus on your life girl ! It’s a little rough what I say but they are not paying your bills or your taxes so do what you like and want ! (And peaceful) And trust yourself and your Gut and your INSTINCT ! That’s the key ! Everything you do is for yourself not for having external validation for others ! 🤍🤍🤍