Why we should rethink drinking culture | Jen Gilhoi | TEDxEdina

Why aren’t you drinking? The question is pervasive in social spaces everywhere, and it can be a challenging question to navigate for those choosing not to drink. But how did we get here, when half of Americans say they’d like to drink less or not at all? In this talk, Jen Gilhoi explores ways to evolve our drinking culture to make it ok for anyone, anywhere, for any reason not to drink alcohol - and open themselves up to true connection and belonging.
#sobriety
Jen Gilhoi (she/her) is an advocate for and creator of healthy social experiences that decentralize alcohol. Her journey spans two decades of alcohol abuse, eight years of an alcohol-free lifestyle, corporate roles, and entrepreneurial ventures. She shatters stigmas around choosing not to drink by inviting others to engage in self and societal inquiry to heal and be well. In her life and work, Jen is fascinated with the art of gathering and intentional conversations. She’s an event experience strategist and founder of Sparktrack; a writer and conversationalist cracking open society’s role in addiction at jengilhoi.com; and founder of Zero Proof Collective, where business leaders and those interested in the non-alcoholic beverages industry thoughtfully connect, collaborate, and share resources to advance zero-proof options, experiences, and social spaces. Jen is also a board member of Dissonance, an organization that promotes mental health and recovery in and through the arts. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@jimbrennan1181]

On occasion I get asked why I'm not drinking, and I say "I'm pregnant." - I'm a man! It's nobody's business what you do, so saying "I don't feel like it" is more than enough of an answer.

[@smallfootprint2961]

I don't drink should be enough, if anything is needed.

[@pamelabrown3058]

Nun ya damn bizniz🎉works too❣😂

[@CatInTheHatSwing]

congratulations tho

[@Iamasimplehuman]

Thats cool way of saying mind your business 😂

[@lysan1445]

I am not an alcoholic, but I come from a family of alcoholics. Seeing what it did to them, I decided on an alcohol and drug-free life. Social events were difficult, as people often reacted aggressively to me not drinking alcohol. I was viewed as a moral spoilsport even though I never ever criticised anyone, not even non-verbally, not even in my thoughts. What surprised me and makes me really proud is that my son, now in his forties and married, never served alcohol at any social event he organised. I never expected that of him or encouraged him in this. He just picked it up by himself. Fortunately, his wife loved the idea. Social events are so much more fun without alcohol. It is also a relief that I don't have to defend myself for not drinking alcohol.

[@daddydani021]

You raised a wonderful child and lead as an example for him 👏🏽 and this is coming from someone who doesn’t drink or smoke and in university. People really think it’s a social thing but it can be social without alcohol :)

[@lysan1445]

@@daddydani021 ❤👍

[@rwm1980]

I am an alcoholic, almost died of liver failure so I quit, now I have cirohsis , but I may have quit in time to not die too soon that was years ago and for now I still seem ok. I miss my beer but I love being alive much more.

[@camillaholst7321]

You must be so proud of your son, your daughter in law - and yourself ❤ In Denmark we have a sick drinking culture, especially the young generations. No wonder they drink so much: thats all they ever see!! Even though everybody in my country know how unhealthy is it, and all the damage alcohol causes (by all means) the show goes on. You made such a wise decision way back when. Congratulation 😊

[@maxmac7845]

The phrase "Drugs and alcohol" just shows how some societies believe that they are separate issues.

[@wltdo6930]

So true, hadn’t thought about it like that

[@daftcabin]

Wow, as simple as this is stated you just really opened my eyes to that statement.

[@CatInTheHatSwing]

amen

[@Maggsreacts82]

I don’t drink at all and I used to when I was in my early 20s but never to an extent that I was out of control of my body. Mostly because of childhood trauma growing up with an alcoholic/drug addict for a dad really keeps in perspective what you do to your body ❤

[@davidshettlesworth1442]

😊👍 never stop your efforts to show “Life is good without alcohol”. Alcohol has been and will be with us forever. We know that drinking alcohol in excess destroys lives of children, spouses, and entire families. With your efforts we may save a few folks and families. 👍

[@ChristinMarvin]

Jen's talk is a powerful message about the importance of why non alcoholic drinks deserve to hold a larger place in society. As someone who stopped drinking a few years ago, I see an extraordinary amount of opportunity for restaurants, bars, retail space and events across all industries to expand their offerings to include those of us that are sober.

[@marytilson4594]

You raise such an important point Jen. Normalizing sober spaces is not just beneficial for people who struggle with alcohol, everyone can benefit from it! Thank you for your powerful talk and work!

[@feedbackzaloop]

How about we change the culture of social interactions in general, so that neither alcohol nor any other substance were necessary? There are deep historical reasons we started drinking and those never went away

[@martini87c]

I always wondered why people have to order a drink every time they go out ? It’s like they can’t function without a drink on a night out or along with their dinner. I don’t drink only because I do not like the taste of alcohol.

[@melissadavis18]

Same I don’t like the taste either as people are just weird because if you tell them this they act as though you’ve personally offended them

[@angela-rosequinn8543]

I have a medical disorder but I also hate alcohol. If people insist I drink with them and they don’t listen for the first 5 times I say it’ll be a medical emergency if I do. That shuts them up real quick.

[@temi4116]

After 3 times, I would not associate with the person who couldn't accept " No thanks, or "Not in the mood, or whatever other response I said to the person that wasn't an affirmative response. Time to change who I socialize with.

[@martini87c]

@@melissadavis18yes people act surprised when i say “I don’t drink”. But people who have to have a drink should be more surprised at themselves. This verifies the point of the video - how normalized or frequent alcohol has become.

[@62WILDCAT]

Friends gave me a hard time when choosing not to drink alcohol when visiting with them !! I felt much better without drinking alcohol & just enjoying the fire & chatting by the lake. When they got loud & obnoxious ,i could easily excuse myself & walk home by myself since inly a few houses away. I was fortunate that my body told me it wasnt healthy for me . Only took me a few scary times in college & drinking too much to make me not want to do that ever again !! So i chose to inly enjoy one or two drinks of alcohol & plenty of water !!

[@macdisciple]

I had so much social anxiety. But I did not drink so I wasn’t very social. Later, I made peace with my social anxiety and felt comfortable being uncomfortable. Over time I became more competent engaging others. I enjoy hanging out and not drinking.

[@jaqueitch]

I've been sober for well over three years now. Best decision I have ever made. I am so much more productive and PRESENT. Also, as an aside, I have my inner-fire back and have doubled my salary in less than 4 years (from a very healthy baseline at that). Cheers to sobriety!

[@rosswehner4364]

This is an incredibly important message from a true leader on the topic of how our society can unpack deeply ingrained beliefs about alcohol -- and find new more healthier ways to move ahead. Kudos Jen for this incredible message.

[@nitinchoudhary9195]

The much needed speech on this topic to hear by the people & should deeply be understood by the people that how normalising of alcohol culture in today's era is spoiling lives,relationships,dreams or more things like these examples .We should put efforts to move the society on right path & how to enjoy life with subtle & sober ways . Thanks Tedx for this speech ❤️❤️❤️

[@andrewmelvin91]

When people ask me why I'm not drinking. I say because I'm not an alcoholic. And then they say. Well, I'm not an alcoholic either. And I say sure you're not just to have fun.

[@Datmosphere]

SOCIAL LUBRICANT That’s a good line ;)

[@Buddhavibez]

I don’t want to drink to fit in, equally I don’t want to be condemned for choosing cannabis and coffee

[@sahiltomar3103]

Never drink for flexing and for showing cool to others 🙏

[@88Nieznany88]

Honestly, feel like us, non drinkers, shouldn't be ashamed of the fact that we aren't drinking.

[@xGinger5]

Thanks for sharing this! Lately I've been thinking about the word 'sober' referring to all drugs, including alcohol. This blew my mind because, as an italian native speaker, I could only imagine having two separate words to express being under the effects of drugs or alcohol. In Italy, extensive alcohol consumption is not considered problematic in any way, while occasional use of drugs (including weed!) is really seen as a major issue. It's incredible how language reflects and shapes the way we see the world

[@edgoebel8240]

The best talk addressing alcoholism and alternatives I've heard. I am 33 yrs a member of AA, not once saying "HI I'm Ed and I'm an alcoholic ". I went to encourage an ex to participate, but became aware of my own destructive drinking habits, not compulsions. Alternative drinks in biker and all bars were limited pretty much to fountain drinks. Thanks for sharing. ❤😊

[@the_love_token]

Also, I used to live on the Main Mardi Gras parade route in New Orleans. Everyone and their brother would show up for parades. But not a single person brought alcohol inside my home. I never banned it but everyone respected and knew my ways. Imagine that. New Orleans. At Mardi Gras.

[@HMBRTOABLE]

Unfortunately, I’m still battling. Hopefully, maturity and wisdom comes my way faster than I think. It’s always inspiring to hear other people’s stories of where they’re at. Cheers 😉

[@JasonWashuta]

Just remember that you are important enough to take that first step. One day you can look back and realize that you were just stuck in a loop.

[@daftcabin]

Don't rely on those two factors. Addiction is stronger, for me anyway. I had to set the drinking aside ( biggest challenge of my life) to allow the wisdom and maturity to come through. Still waiting for the maturity though :D

[@nycjanedoe]

Amen. 10+ years. My reasons are numerous. Life is richer checked fully into it. I would argue, meaningful connection is only possible when all involved are checking in rather than checking out.

[@borg_uk]

I spent years clubbing, partying (3 to 4 times a week) in Brazil and zero alcohol. I still think i had more fun than most.

[@davidshettlesworth1442]

Well Said! Carry On Madam! 👍

[@Dabeast1911Que]

I never started and the complete shock I get is hilarious.

[@jimbrennan1181]

Ha ha, I've seen this myself. I drink but I've never done any drugs (other than alcohol and caffeine) and people seem surprised that I've never even seen marijuana.

[@joseantoniodbojorges6435]

The drive Is economics. Sober? You Will meet, greet and leave. Drunk you Will remain consume and tip greatly. That Is the thing.

[@jeffk464]

Restaurants like Chili's and Fridays make most of their money off the bar.

[@dance2wiithkniive278]

I am no alcohol due to medications and one time I went to a German fusion restaurant with some friends. I asked the waitress about NA options she pointed to an asterisk that was on the drink menu which indicated that the drink had a low to 0 proof variant. That little star was next to most things and I was not expecting to feel seen that day.

[@LetsTravellChannel]

It’s not just at bars but in people’s homes at family or friends gatherings…..as soon as you show up, the first question is “do you want a drink?” or “what do you want to drink?” - most times they’re not referring to water. A lot of people have zero or close to zero contribution in social settings until or unless they are high off drinks, drugs, and prescription meds - SAD! Even among high achievers/rollers in society that’s how they network 😂.

[@Luther_Luffeigh]

Preach

[@martini87c]

“They are not referring to water” - 😂 LOVE IT! I mean in social settings and events water is your best friend because you will be speaking a lot. So I’m always thirsty because I just talked for an hour. And alcohol makes you very dehydrated. And perhaps people don’t have much to contribute if they are not under some influence which is sad.

[@ichtube]

Good points. However, staying away from sugar is harder.

[@haleybeldin9247]

Of course KZbin plays me an ad for Bud Light in the middle of this video

[@sheilagreen6061]

You don't need drink to socialise and have fun!

[@mattgardinerLIVE]

You nailed it, Jen! Awesome presentation.

[@jimbrennan1181]

There are a lot of vegans/vegetarians who have to deal with this same issue everyday. You shouldn't have to explain yourself but some people will keep pushing.

[@jeffk464]

Vegans are harder to deal with. Someone not having a drink doesn't effect you, but vegans kind of make it hard to choose restaurants. Its extremely limiting.

[@denniskrook2925]

5 year alcohol free. And also stopped drinking cola, fanta and similar stuff. 2.5 year had not eaten fried food. Getting the same answer. I Just say: because i dont link it healthy but if you want to drink or eat it is totally fine. Nice presentation!!! There are more of enough alternatives to drink btw. I prefer water because i drink to get h2o in my body not to be accepted by the People around me (i have realy much better things to think about)

[@jimbrennan1181]

Good choice in cutting out sugary sodas and fried foods!!!

[@debjudson4991]

I took back my life seven years ago and living my best life without alcohol. 🙏♥️✨

[@tobeeey_2860]

I enjoy drinking alcohol, but I must say as an undergraduate student that it´s quite shocking even for me how much alcohol gets promoted and social gatherings depend on drinking within student environments, it makes it much harder to connect for people who are not drinking and that should be definetly changed!

[@normabeatrizoubina425]

Por favor en español.... No se ingles... GRACIAS

[@Datmosphere]

¡Hola! Tal vez te ayude que en la configuración de este video puedas presionar subtítulos (generados automáticamente) y luego presionar traducir a y elegir español. Es una traducción automática, por lo que no puede esperar mucho, pero generalmente puede ver el material con comprensión :) Saludos

[@grahamdavid007]

thank you 🙂

[@conormurphy4328]

My takeaway from this is I absolutely wanna go to the cool bookstore bar

[@celestialcircledance]

I have always been sober and somber LOL . I have never felt a lot of pressure to drink but also tend to shy away from those kind of social environments . On the rare occasions that I go out to eat , water with a little lemon will do in a pinch and it would never occur to me to rack up the price or calories on any kind of beverage .

[@Tatted_queen93]

It’s like my brother said if you’re not drinking you’re going to be doing something else humans depend on something I’ll personally don’t do anything before or at work but I know lots of people that smoke and it’s legal here in Michigan so it doesn’t matter if it’s drinking or any other substance, humans are depending on it more and more

[@funnytv-1631]

Reflect on your life right now. Do you have enough alone time? Not loneliness, but solitude… spending quality time with yourself like you would with a best friend. Breathe in and assess the balance of time for yourself versus the time you give to others. Everyone will have a different balance. The question is - does yours match up in a way that feels right to you?

[@anbudhanapal]

Iam a 42 yr old female, never had a drop of alcohol, even visited Guiness factory at Dublin, didnt taste there too. Just hated the smell of it. Im a nurse btw😊

[@jimbrennan1181]

I'm with you, but if you've ever consumed milk or orange juice, or a wide variety of so many other juices you've definitely consumed at least a drop of alcohol. Alcohol is not the problem, over consumption is the problem. Concerning this video it's the people who are self-focused and put their imprint/concept of life on others that's the issue.

[@akagainesy]

I used to smoke and drink a lot in my late teens and twenties. I have stopped smoking and nearly drink alcohol anymore (one or two at a celebration event or maybe one when on holiday). I recently went on my honeymoon and for the whole two weeks I had 3 330ml cans of beer and one complimentary cocktail on the first night. But I had an amazing time for those two weeks and if I didn't have those drinks it wouldn't have made any difference. Truthfully I feel better from not/drastically cutting back my drinking to pretty much none than I do from stopping smoking cigarettes.

[@smallfootprint2961]

I don't want anything that looks like, or tastes like an alcoholic beverage. Never even think about substituting. I think you just surround yourself with people who are living a healthy lifestyle.

[@carolinamil]

Amazing!

[@sallyreim6668]

The older I get, the less I want alcohol.

[@miniprepper8284]

And... It is soo easy to drop weight and increase your fitness via exercise when you lay off drinking. It is excruciating to exercise through a hangover-

[@jeffk464]

might not even be a good idea, heavy drinking increases blood pressure.

[@shobharana3423]

Yes absolutely right, 👍 it's okay to say NO for wine as this help us to be fine. 😊

[@MaryGerhart-ld9hw]

I love This I live with a alcoholic and it’s not easy to deal with hopefully he will stop one day but I reiize I can’t make him quit I just pray alot 🙏

[@MuimaLahbiba]

Intéressant 👍

[@baimanlandry6541]

Very interesting

[@Hamoae]

I have lived alcohol free my whole 52 years. I don't need it and people has stopped asking why.

[@matanyaholmes3964]

How such a harmful drug became legal and so wildly accepted baffles me.

[@jimbrennan1181]

It's so easy to make alcohol that it would be impossible to control it; it's a part of nature. I'm also not so sure that it's "such a harmful drug" as it's been around since the beginning of mankind.

[@treaceeames4697]

Wedding Bartender here Drinking culture is strong

[@CoachSteveJandS]

❤❤ 100% 🎉🎉

[@fatmasaat209]

💟

[@cottonsheep1493]

I really hate drinking culture i never get pressure for ANYTHİNG but when peoples here i never drink my whole life they see it as a chanllenge to make me drink something like ANYTHING and i already have social anxiety so try to explain to them i just dont want it twice as hard i just dont wanna drink i know myself i know if i even try once it will go down hill from there i already barely hold myself from over eating im know if i drink and if "i like it " i wont let go so no i wont drink and peoples cant handle that someone just "dont" wanna drink

[@rickeryraymond981]

Complaints of group-stalking (‘gang-stalking’): an exploratory study of their nature and impact on complainants: The Journal of Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology: Vol 26, No 5

[@heliocentric1756]

I drink for myself

[@imthaotea]

I think alcohol still makes us behave in the way that we aren't able to control. However in my opinion we should know to drink for many social reasons.

[@Jessica-zi7xd]

I had to stop drinking due to Medication and so many people are shocked when I say I am alcohol free.

[@bukurie6861]

To drink or not to drink!? Some men drink over norms and some normal. And to drink 1000ml and say fall 7gr ove weigh.And to drink a glass wine every day say fall from weight.Congratu❤🤗lation to your Talk❤🌏

[@LittleGidget1]

It’s the only time I can tolerate being around people. I don’t drink often. Maybe once a year or two. That just about the same number of times I’m out with people. Lol. Sad but true

[@Tim_Kul]

Be addicted to water, yes. That would be a nice rethinking indeed.

[@rajeshmanakadavu]

🎉

[@anttyzale5455]

The government benefits the most from booze taxation. It does nothing but collect taxes and promote consumption.

[@albertomontesolmos8426]

Alcohol get together as the same that separate people

[@mwh0588]

In a social group its normal to take drugs. So keep calm and enjoy.

[@jimbrennan1181]

Yes, agreed, and technically caffeine is a drug so coffee and tea apply.

[@972multiservicesadministra5]

Hier quelqu'un m'a demandé pourquoi je ne bois pas d'alcool ? Ma réponse aurait dû être pourquoi en bois-tu ? Mais j'ai simplement répondu pour ma santé. Elle n'a rien dit car elle sait que sa santé n'est pas des meilleures !

[@eliotanderson6554]

Finally someone from west atleast talk about this We get mocked when come to west not having alcohol

[@pepper419]

Tell me or yourself, how do you become an alcoholic, or an addictive gambler or addict to anything? How do you teach your children that this is such a dangerous thing, that this can kill you, or leave you in a ditch for your entire life.

[@amblardcyrielle7790]

This is more about alcoholism than alcohol to me. I am from France, and like most of us, I have a loooot of different bottles of different alcohol. It doesn't mean that we drink everyday, or drink until we loose control. It is not an effort to stop after one glass. You can perfectly associate alcohol and sobriety if you keep a balance. Read a book with a glass of scotch, sat in a comfortable sofa, with a fire cranking around is suuuuuch a beautiful place. I dont care if the person next to me doesn't drink, we all have our reasons for anything in life, and its called tolerance 🤔😊

[@ZackyDaley]

I’m sorry but this comes off as judgey and not the type of Ted talk that makes great points. Focus on the health affects. To say drinking doesn’t pair with reading is sooooo snobby. Whiskey and bourbon has been paired with reading and writing forever I wouldn’t be surprised if the founding fathers took a shot of whiskey before they signed the declaration

[@mikeajames9261]

I don't drink, but I understand those that do. Hell...I understand alcoholics. It is hard to talk to people and say all the right things. Maybe that is what this talk is about, but like talking to people...I don't want to listen either.

[@the_love_token]

If this is even a question, you might be an alcoholic! I don’t drink. I’m anti-alcohol. It’s insane that anyone wants/needs alcohol.

[@Dr_LK]

Each one of us should have the freedom to drink or not. If you’re weak you can get addicted. If not, just enjoy life however you want (alcohol free or not).

[@Vesirinkeli]

If I stop use it I have to contact all this awful creatures - humans

[@jeffk464]

I've had issues with alcohol. I would like to point out though most people don't, this message should be among people with drinking problems. I don't feel the need to try to convert everyone to become a non-drinker.

[@pepper419]

Why are you asking the question "Why do people question about what I'm NOT doing" when you're standing there bragging about what you're NOT doing.

[@c.f.3503]

First

[@ZackyDaley]

This lady wants to hang out with boozers and be served fake booze while out with drinkers to feel included. Haha

[@ekramkhanshafi]

Well, being muslim solves the problem for me

[@mahendirangopal3885]

Criminals drink alcohol.

[@F0nz3]

When you drink to socialize, it's awkward when you're 'quitting', but when you drink alone to 'relax', and that's all you do, social drinking seems ....a little too easy? Your tolerance is higher since you're use to downing a 6 pack or more BY YOURSELF , every night, night after night, and wake up 5:30a.m. sharp, every morning. Social drinking isn't the problem- it's by yourself drinking that should worry someone. Somebody that goes out a lot to drink socially needs to realize that their life isn't that crazy.

[@InvisibleCitizen]

Drinking alcohol is a personal choice and drinking in moderation is a measure of character! Since marijuana has been made lawful and so many self righteous prudes consume marijuana is any of its forms and also many do even hard drugs not one of these people should browbeat anyone who drinks alcohol!!!

[@stackenali7059]

But booze has gotten me some gash so many times.

[@17m27]

Because Allah forbidden it. That's it.

[@DystopianUtopia8]

I bet she's a lot of fun at parties.

[@rickeryraymond981]

REAL NONGMOFOOD, pLEASE!!;);(SORRY2DISSrespect But, Fruit n Veggies Can Be Made Into Smoothys n (Less White Potatoes n MORE Yam'SweetPotatoes, Please!!;);( or Popsicle' s in Veggie Broth IN$tDEAD Of Letting It RoThrownOuT!!;);(

[@D.M.S.]

I'm alcohol free for 36 years. I'am 36 btw. It isn't hard. Just don't drink. Problem solved.

[@mrsj4514]

That’s a very over simplified and dismissive thing to say.

[@ArcusCo]

Can we connect without alcohol? - Yes, but we don't want! :D

[@Popota335]

Good luck with that

[@adityatyagi4009]

Non-alcoholic drinks are the new vegetarianism.

[@Aiken47]

How about no, stop prohibiting things instead of using self control and taking personal responsibility. Follow the European Model not the binging model

[@01Private-Information]

I'd debate her anytime. ( 1 ). Having one to three drinks socially per seven day's is not a alcoholic. ( 2 ) Even if an individual had out of these three 3 drinks a week, if it Was say glass of wine 🍷.., Scotch🥃.., or a beer🍺..., a person would have EXCELLENT HEALTH ‼️ SADLY Western Americans are saturated for decade's via ( a ) television , billboard media., & transit train and bus advertising .., mixed with ( b ) college and professional sporting events.., ( c ) social society's...., MANY PEOPLE of all age DON'T KNOW HOW TO BALANCE THEIR CHOICES , to enjoy a nice distilled vodka 🍸 once or twice a week with their food. ❓️❓️❓️❓️❓️❓️ This speaker.., is SHE A INVESTOR IN American NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES that obviously are becoming more popular in the last 15 year's..❓️❓️❓️❓️

[@carolinebjerkelund767]

I wonder if she knows that a woman invented beer, 8000 years ago

[@JamesWest_III]

Boring party. Pass