Wife Said “Give Me a Baby or I’m Gone”

Wife Said “Give Me a Baby or I’m Gone”
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[@garydossett6688]

The moment she said “she’ll get someone else to give her a third baby,” her stuff should be on the street.

[@glee_again2594]

As a woman I would NEVER threaten my husband that way. To me her saying that she cares more about what she’s getting than about him and their marriage. Sounds like she needs some individual counseling.

[@booksquid856]

I think she will be looking for someone who is ready to grow and be a real partner instead of a martyr. This guy's nice guy/ people pleasing /" I do everything for her" identity is way too important to him. He isn't trying to change this for the benefit of the relationship. He just doesnt want her to challenge him to lay down his facade. That was actually quite gross.

[@LaSoldier505]

One hundred and TEN PERCENT! But he's a People Pleaser, so I understand it's hard, BUT COME ON! UGH 😩

[@LaSoldier505]

​@@booksquid856LOL No She's NOT ! She's a Daddy's girl and has NEVER Been told No her entire life. If what you said was true, she would be a decent enough person to NOT Tell her HUSBAND She will cheat on him to get what she wants.

[@sds6303]

@@glee_again2594 Someone like her won’t attend counseling. She sounds like she’s emotionally stunted, very immature, manipulative.

[@stephd.4574]

If your wife says she’ll go get pregnant by someone else if you don’t give her a third baby, you should just pack it in. Your marriage is already over, IMO.

[@tomw485]

@@stephd.4574 You’re 100% correct. In so many words she told him she’s willing to blow up everything they have together just to get pregnant again. That’s absolutely insane.

[@MsNothando]

She's probably already pregnant by someone else

[@semvlasveld8799]

The repeating advice of ´´dr´´ Delony: ''Divorce.''

[@spaghettinick121]

Agreed, I hope I never get in that situation

[@parkwood6334]

Agree. She's putting the two children she already has in a poor situation too. That's bad.

[@ElizabethDerlin]

My husband would laugh in my face if I ever threatened him. A baby has to be wanted by both parents or it sucks for the kid.

[@aelh123]

I thought the same thing ! I can’t imagine the Threatening my husband like this 😅 I play the conversation in my head and how quickly he’d sit me down and ask me if I fell on my head or something 😂🤣

[@katrina3560]

Right! Imagine if the role was reversed and this husband DEMANDED she birth him another baby🫥

[@texasdazzlers]

Mine would too. That’s the difference between a real man who has self respect and a wuss.

[@keithgardner5415]

I dated a woman who tried to aggravate me into getting married "fast" I stood my ground and would not get married under that circumstances. She broke up with me and married someone else and it didn't last. I have been married for 26 years to same person 21:33 and still going strong.

[@Stanley_Baby]

@@ElizabethDerlin Your husband likely has a pair of balls though unlike this poor sod

[@KH-xx1rg]

Do NOT have a 3rd baby with her.

[@TheAgentmigs]

DO NOT...under any circumstance.

[@johnny9072]

Run for the hills brother..... she's a succubus, draining you of everything

[@Stanley_Baby]

@@johnny9072he’s screwed, already has two with her

[@cantmakethishitup17]

@@TheAgentmigs

[@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462]

​@@Stanley_BabyUnfortunately yes. 1 extra child isn't going to make much of a difference. The damage has been done.

[@my_slifestyle_2667]

My grandpa was like this man. When he passed, his biggest regret was not standing up for himself and his happiness.

[@funicon3689]

@@DabsLawyerLLC indeed. Read "The Manipulated Man" by Esther Vilar. its short but dives into the real relationship between men and women. written by a woman.

[@ooj100]

Aw man. Curious, what did you take from him as any lessons?

[@my_slifestyle_2667]

@ooj100 it's important not to take a good partner for granted. Always ask and care about the others' opinions, even on small things. Both people in the relationship have to be happy or content, not just happy wife happy life. Don't be an asshole to the provider of the family just because you can.

[@idotgotitme3280]

I know the feeling 😔

[@michellec3349]

This poor guy married a toddler. His wife sounds like a real piece of work.

[@zewa8904]

No, he is the toddler!

[@KnotSlip666]

@@zewa8904 You are mentally ill, seek help. That, or your IQ is room temperature.

[@rapidfireplayz]

@@zewa8904may I ask how? Imo I believe both had wrongs in the situation, but hers, to me, seem more malicious whether it’s intentional or not

[@zewa8904]

@@rapidfireplayz true, but he, like a kid, can not stand up for himself.

[@JimmyTheMagnificent]

She may be already pregnant and trying to convince him to "get her pregnant", very strange and alarming that she would threaten she'd be willing to have a third child by someone else while married.

[@iHeartAmySue]

I think you’re so right. She’s pregnant by someone else.

[@ritapearl-im3wv]

Likely. Never thought of that!

[@a.m6523]

I think you’re on to something

[@ooj100]

That is a deep insight I had not thought of at all.

[@michealjames5459]

I think you are correct I can't see her subconscious wanting too procreate with such a weak man. But likely wants him for the security for the man she wants offspring of.

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

I wish some of these women would pause and think "if genders were reversed, if my female friend was being treated by her husband the way I act, how would I feel about it?" It's so obviously abusive and controlling if we imagine a man doing this to a woman. It happens a lot in small ways in a lot of couples too, like the wife forcing the husband to dress a certain way, or chastising him for the way he talks to people at parties. Not that men don't do this stuff and much worse, but there seems to be a bigger blind spot when it comes to women being controlling.

[@CJ-ox4oc]

Genders are not the same, having a baby is different for a woman. Some women literally have baby on the brain as well, for men it's about control of trapping a woman so her value decreases and she's dependent on him financially. A woman wanting another child in a marriage isn't controlling or abuse. She needs to divorce as they disagree it's that simple

[@theundone777]

​@@CJ-ox4oc whilr I agree that the stakes of having a baby are very different for men versus women- this woman is absolutely abusive. She punishes her husband when he won't give her what she wants, versus having an adult conversation. That's abusive.

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

@@CJ-ox4oc Did you listen to the call? This is a longtime pattern of behavior that typically has nothing to do with childbearing. She forced him to get a certain house, she forces him to buy stuff, she threatens to cheat on him. He says her parents never told her no and they created a monster. I doubt her argument with her mom was "hey mom, if you don't impregnate me right now, I'm gonna lose it!" she just acts this way about everything. This is control and abuse. Also, I'm a woman, it's highly offensive for you to portray all women not as rational human beings, but as single minded robots who can't understand why it might not be financially responsible to have another child at a certain time. Actually, all evidence points to the contrary. When you give women the choice when to procreate, the birth rate goes way down and the economy skyrockets. On average, women are much more realistic about the resources necessary to raise a child and less likely to want to take that on when circumstances are bad. I'm not saying that this caller's wife is particularly rational, but women on average take this issue very seriously. This is a her problem, not a female problem. Almost all my friends in our late 30's still have baby fever, but have gotten IUD's or convinced their husbands to get vasectomies because they know they can't afford to put an additional kid through daycare and college.

[@starlingswallow]

I agree. I've had the displeasure of seeing this from the front row with my brothers and a few close friends. It's insidious. 😢 I am hoping society shifts to give men more of a platform to speak about their stories to make it more mainstream ❤ It's happening, slowly. There's a few videos on YT here showing them and it's heartbreaking.

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

@@starlingswallow Yeah, and it doesn't have to be at the expense of helping women who are still in unfortunately very common bad situations. People just need to stop brushing it to the side when women are bad actors too. There's too much "haha, your wife is so bossy, that's cute" going on. Or the guy feels emasculated admitting that abuse happened to him, even stuff from his childhood.

[@LetGodHandleIt1]

As a reformed huge people pleaser… setting boundaries has completely turned my life around. Boundaries equal freedom and for me has been one of the highest ways to honor myself.

[@JustOne-qe7jl]

Smart and good 👍🏻 for you.

[@theundone777]

Exactly! Set your boundaries and hold them, the trash will take itself out. Disclaimer: unless the trash is violent, then you might have to run away from the trash.

[@LaSoldier505]

Can I ask you why do you think you ended up being a people pleaser ? Curious 🧐

[@starlingswallow]

Same here!

[@face-in-the-crowd]

​@@LaSoldier505 Look up Attachment Styles

[@peterwilliams6361]

Fascinating video, Let's stop taking relationship and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she has insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her..

[@peterwilliams6361]

I'm keen on meeting the counselor you're talking about. What steps should I take?

[@peterwilliams6361]

Thank you for this information. I have just looked her up on Google. impressive

[@joetheboy04]

Scam!!!!

[@nyapayton7087]

This is straight up abuse, this man is in an abusive relationship with a woman who threatens to leave him everytime she can't get her way, that is the literal definition of abuse

[@flch95]

And you know she’ll say she’s the abused one because she’s not getting what she wants lol

[@cailanmurray4430]

For real I couldn’t imagine walking on eggshells in a marriage, he makes her life easier and smooth and she wants to smash the whole foundation she in for a rude awakening.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

The more you feed the monster, the bigger it grows, and when you try to starve it, it gets angry.

[@crazedredhead55]

My father endured over 50 years of an abusive marriage. Constant threats of divorce, and always belittled. Don’t let your life be so awful! You’re worth SO MUCH MORE!

[@brooke-elmore]

My heart breaks for him. He’s so busy making everyone around him happy, but who’s making him happy?

[@aelh123]

This man sounds like a guy that is fighting to for his marriage and this woman treats him as a Genie in a bottle 😬 if he doesn’t comply, she uses his abandonment trauma (that she obviously knows about) to control him 😕

[@2000VinceCarter]

Thata the whole pount of the story captain obvious

[@aaronwebb7821]

likely why so many men are hesitant to share personal stuff and vulnerabilities

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@aelh123 she is a nightmare, IMO

[@tarledamanley2832]

​@aaronwebb7821 bs everybody has fear and issues and unfortunately there are people that will use it against you. Cowardice is why a lot of people men and women don't open up and share in a relationship

[@booksquid856]

It actually sounds like he is fighting to maintain his identity and role in this relationship as a people pleaser. Notice that he says this crossed a threshold for his "bandwidth" supposedly and that she just wouldn't realize how hard this life would be without his cushioning. Maybe she doesn't want to be coddled! Maybe she wants a bigger challenge and more children precisely for that reason!

[@DudeTastic13]

What a great call by Dr. John. I listened to it 2x. Good luck to Devin. He sounds a genuinely a good man trying his best for his family

[@Kate-rv6kx]

Reminds me of my parents. My dad gave one of my newly married friends the advice "happy wife happy life" and it made me sick. I'm glad this guy is realizing there's something wrong with this dynamic.

[@starlingswallow]

I hate that phrase too. It's so unhealthy. BOTH spouses deserve happiness, and it should never be put on one or the other person. A humans happiness is their OWN responsibility. Full stop. I learned this lesson the hard way.

[@Shay4YourMind81]

Agreed 💯 I’ve always hated that statement. He’s settling for a one-sided relationship with everything going in her favor. He gets the short end of the stick and she becomes even more bratty and entitled. Very unhealthy dynamic.

[@BarelyNoticedADD]

I take "happy wife, happy life" to be a warning on the front end. Marry and be a happy person and the both of you will be fine.

[@alb.88]

I genuinely despise the saying "Happy wife, happy life". That's an excuse for emotional abuse.

[@deathnotelover11]

He has been setting himself on fire to keep her warm.

[@videofan1010]

Sir - your wife is abusive...

[@heartsandpulseras]

I don't understand how he can stay with someone that is so uncaring about his thoughts & feelings and abusive with her threats. It sounds like something that is unsalvageable to me.

[@alluringbliss4165]

He’s being this way all his life. It’s hard to make a drastic change in your character.

[@richardjones9282]

It’s very simple, he has no balls.

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

Yeah, this isn't a simple misunderstanding where the wife doesn't know her husband's feelings, she knows and doesn't care.. I'm not sure how a therapist can get her to care. Possibly there's some trauma she hasn't dealt with, and after very intensive years of therapy she can understand why she acts this way and decide to channel her pain in a way that doesn't hurt the people she loves, but most abusers don't care to do all that work, they just maintain that they never did anything wrong. "It's not my fault that you made me say and do these cruel things! Everything will be peaceful and happy if you just shut up and do whatever I want whenever I want!" That's not to say that therapy is a bad idea though. Maybe the therapist can mediate their divorce in a way that's the least damaging to those two kids.

[@booksquid856]

He doesn't really care about her either though! Listen carefully. He cares way more about his being asked to cross a line that would force him to drop his facade and be truly vulnerable. He would rather protect the "bandwidth" that allows him to cushion her life and remain a satisfied people pleaser.

[@lizwiens671]

@@alluringbliss4165there’s a lot of women like this. They’ll be on the other end complaining that their man isn’t meeting their needs and even claim to be in abusive relationships when they’re actually the ones constantly railroading their partners. Just insufferable and hard to live with people. I feel sorry for those poor kids because these women are nightmares in divorce situations

[@benpurdy987]

Disappointed we don’t call out abuse when it’s female on male. If roles were reversed we would be all over this guy.

[@donaldjohnson-d6i]

Here's an idea - don't give her a 3rd kid and be the one to file for divorce. If it is properly planned with a lawyer, the caller can come out on top. Don't fall for the counseling delay.

[@booksquid856]

Sadly, this will probably be the best thing right now. Wish he would grow up instead. But if they part, at least she may have a chance at a genuine partnership then. At this point, he will probably choose some similar doomed relationship again. Because it doesn't sound like he wants to leave his people pleasing charade behind and become truly vulnerable. He would rather protect the bandwidth of his identity as a martyr.

[@nolan9221]

"The counseling delay"...100% a harsh tactic used to gain enough time to get all the assets hidden from the other.

[@Jrstrdr]

Recommend he reads, No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's not about being a nice guy or bad guy but elevating above that so you're remaining authentic to yourself and others, enabling healthy relationships to form.

[@alluringbliss4165]

I can relate. I grew in an abusive environment and I ve never been able to stand up for myself.

[@izzywox8246]

It’s hard. I am still not great at it, but I’ve only gotten better with practice.

[@oterosocram25]

I grew up in an extreme abusive environment. I found my value in Christ and the people that He has sent and used to open others eyes. Great mentors and coaches. That gave me the confidence to "stand up for myself" and let people know how it is.

[@Rollacoastertycoon]

You don’t have to anymore just change your pronouns and get purple hair

[@starlingswallow]

You can do it, I promise! If you look up people pleaser/codependency in the dictionary, my photo is there! 😅 It just takes practice and becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable. I always hated making the _other_ person uncomfortable by me speaking up for myself....but I'm learning to sit in that discomfort. Their feelings aren't my responsibility. It takes time but I promise it's possible! Great books: When the body says No Boundaries I believe in you!!

[@Ferien7]

This guy didn’t realize that his wife never loved him and only married him to use him for his money and kids

[@truthbetold6942]

He better start wearing protection.

[@maam-yj8ph]

Or get a vasectomy.

[@ooj100]

I would go further and get the snip.

[@danamontroy8178]

He shouldn’t touch her period.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Like John said, she’s going to keep moving the finish line. It never ends.

[@aelh123]

The baby is just a moving target 🎯 Next year it will be “if you don’t buy me this car , some one else will buy it for me” yeah…. Don’t cave !

[@booksquid856]

I think she needs to find a real partner. This man drones on about all that he does to cushion her life, and it's sickening to listen to just the first few minutes of it. The one thing he refuses to do--and is still fighting to avoid-- is to truly drop his people pleasing facade and actually become vulnerable.

[@dany888d]

Devin, you sound like a great person. Wishing you all the best

[@truthhurts3709]

He sounds like a wonderful husband and provider. So selfless and instead of getting appreciation and respect he gets 💩 on. As a single woman I can tell you it's so hard to find a good man.

[@AnnikaJacobsen-rt3ow]

It's hard to find a good man because all the good ones are with toxic women and not divorced yet

[@doesnotFempute]

he sounds like he never even liked his wife to begin with, but would rather lie about his feelings 24/7 than bother with divorce papers, but ok lol He doesn't even talk about the kids he already has with her, or how they are affected by the relationship. They're just objects to him. This entire call is the husband bemoaning the life he has manifested for himself. He doesn't actually care about his wife or kids. He's mentally checked out and crying because he sees a third baby as just another tether to the person he secretly hates.

[@birsancristina9278]

That woman is a horrible, horrible abuser. Sir, you need to stand up for yourself or leave her. No one can blame you at this point. She's horrible.

[@fauxbro1983]

Bro. Devin leave lol. Ultimatum in marriages dont work

[@Ryan_DeWitt]

Happy wife, happy life. One of the biggest lies ever told.

[@fire12731]

Agree and I hate that expression.

[@hollyj2925]

So true!

[@tomw485]

What’s ironic is the men who ascribe to that line of thinking never have happy wives nor happy lives. What wife is happy married to a spineless punching bag who rolls over at the slightest amount of resistance? And what man is happy being in a one sided marriage where they have zero power? Wives are happy being married to men with self worth and boundaries. So the statement on the surface is actually correct. Having a happy wife does make for a happier life. Just not in the way the men who abide by that statement think it means.

[@Guts318]

It's not an axiom. It's a three and an ultimatum.

[@knowthyself8233]

I hate that sentence

[@9liveslisa]

Babies do not save marriages.

[@idotgotitme3280]

True, if anything, they just make things worse 😩

[@TheAbtanker58]

When Dev stated her family has given her everything,bam this whole call made sense

[@GooniesGirl]

That was a huge red flag!

[@TheAbtanker58]

@@GooniesGirl it was but not surprising because her whole life she was given everything, so her behavior matches what she wa brought up with

[@bignickenergy723]

And never told her no.

[@bzh7648]

My parents fought all the time. Everyone outside the family thought they were very sweet. They were sweet to other people but not to each other and not to me. I never got married. I never wanted to be treated like that

[@CJ2023Incognito]

0:24 “That’s you, baby!” 😂

[@nordikcajun5417]

I bet she was a bridezilla at the wedding. This guy avoided all red flags before and after wedding

[@Coloradocorean]

I was always taught that the silent treatment is a form of abuse. You’re withholding to punish. 🤮

[@Julie-e1m]

Thank u for this conversation- bullies-boundaries-pleople pleasing- uncomfortable- wow- all of it painful

[@mellowbirddreamer77]

He's screwed. If he divorces her, she's gonna make his life a living hell. If he stays, she's gonna make his life a living hell.

[@ashleybriggs1198]

I don’t understand how someone could try to coerce their husband into having a third child and not feel like the bad guy? I’m trying to understand, like is she telling herself that she *knows* their life will be better with 3 kids, and the only hurdle is getting him on board?

[@Drumbeat52]

She will never cave! He is faced with losing everything to gain his dignity. Tough deal!

[@JJJJ-he8bz]

There was a post on facebook that said men are happier married. This guy is having the time of his life.

[@uncleslide]

😂😂😂

[@Tsukibi20]

There's actually a stat behind that.. not just a post😂😂😂😂

[@JJJJ-he8bz]

Well this guys is so happy he’s called Dr John😂

[@plousia]

The happy guys aren't calling marriage counselors

[@kellyeverett]

Even if this guy was not married he’s going to run into the same issue with friendships or any relationships. He needs to work on himself and learn how to be assertive

[@bestrongcourageous2932]

I would identify: 1. Know where she fits on the Power of Control Wheel 2. Know where you both fit “relationship boundaries: rigid, porous, healthy” 3. Identify which of the Four Horsemen in your relationship both identify with; 4. And last “is not all about you (wife) “

[@Himmiefan]

She's a walking red flag and won't change.

[@TheShitpostKing]

Dude, run. Take the kids and RUN!!

[@marial3609]

The problem is that he can’t do that. Someone else will be living with his kids in his home if he leaves.

[@TheShitpostKing]

@marial3609 this is why I'm saying take the kids, he's in an abusive relationship

[@adnanorochi3761]

​@@marial3609He needs a plan like recording her abusing him always and somehow with the kids too if she has a bad habit.. then file he can get the house and custody or sell the house then split, he should first learn how to be dominant as a man in the relationship.

[@breezeh1127]

"I've got nothing left in the tank" that is very real and honest. Any person who says this to their spouse means it and it should be heard. What she hasnt figured out is that the 3rd baby will not go the same as the last 2 and she thinks it will be ok but her husband will not be able to handle it (as he said) and she will still be surprised in the end. Believe what a spouse tells you is too much.

[@snowdogmula]

This dude is so screwed. Chose the wrong woman.

[@crystalhampton278]

The thought of threatening my husband with infidelity simply because he told me NO makes me sick. This man isn't living in a marriage, he is surviving in a dictatorship.

[@broetchenahoi6524]

Patterns of behavior unconsciously established growing up are tough. So glad to hear the caller has a therapist and is on the journey of moving beyond them. I reckon one of the key aspects of this call apart from the former point is that partnership really is co-creation: a couple deciding who they want to be, what kind of life they want to live and then finding ways to get there; each pitching in and supporting each other along the way. At the end of the day it is NOT his job (or anyone's) to make their partner happy or to give them everything they want. He's a husband, not an ATM. The fact that she's threatening him with cheating on him and divorce is insane.

[@beckerhambabe]

Your work is really helpful and healing to so many here. Thank you SO much.❤❤❤

[@jomay4871]

I respect Dr John, he's looking particularly handsome in this video..

[@booksquid856]

I felt sick when he discussed how he was making her life so safe and cushioned. That's gross. Like he really doesn't see how much more of an issue that is than the ultimatum from his wife. And who knows?--Maybe on a subconscious level, this is inspiring the ultimatum? This would definitely force him to give up on people pleasing. It sounds like at this moment his identity as a people pleaser is FAR more important to him than the relationship and family itself.

[@dahliaherrod4301]

So after this call can we stop acting like John caters to women only and never sides with the husband?

[@IMOO1896]

I’m sure he didn’t know how stressful this relationship would become, or he wouldn’t have married her.

[@mikasasukasa4479]

No one talks enough how abusive the wives can be toward the husband. Always hear the reverse. Its sick to me

[@dorothylynch7264]

co-dependence, fix everything for everybody, we enable people, whether the people want it or not, been there, done that, people pleaser, walked on eggshells. Have finally grown up, woken up, taken the blinders off. whatever someone chooses to do is THEIR CHOICE,

[@ponyhaly6131]

Yep, I’m aware and will never want to stuck in this. I refuse to be forking angel. I’ll be free soon

[@littlepixel1650]

He sounds like an amazing husband if only the woman he married was appreciative. If you don’t think she’s cheating - I would suggest counseling/ therapy . Don’t throw away your family over a phrase. I’ve been married for 17 years. We’ve said a lot but we have never acted on it. We respect one another and watch what we say now.

[@abc-ni5mi]

She cares more about her own desires than what's best for the children she already has

[@tamraridley2022]

My husband should be proud he has a wife that pays half the bills. I just paid our mortgage off. My husband is a great guy. We do have conflicts sometimes, but we work it out.

[@colindavidson6483]

I can relate in many ways. It’s so much easier to just keep her happy for years and you forget yourself, they don’t respect you etc

[@DJRiyzen]

A tale as old as time

[@anneflynn9614]

Not if you choose a partner with good character.

[@jacquelinelewis5627]

He's been a simp for so long unfortunately, she knows she's the boss. He shouldn't have married her to begin with. Who you choose to do life with is the biggest decision you can make

[@funicon3689]

victim blaming. keep this same energy when a women calls in about an abusive partner.

[@truthbetold6942]

He can change, I did. He needs to draw his boundaries, and let her make the decisions she wants to make - she will blow up their lives not him. He needs to let go that he cannot control everything, nor can he change someone, nor is he responsible for others bad choices.

[@sarahking9475]

This was such an enlightening video. I needed to hear some of this. Been listening to you for a little now. The way this specific video hit home prompted me to just purchase your book on the audio app I use. I cannot wait to start it today! To the caller: you sound so awesome and very articulate. Good luck and you’ll make it through it just don’t give up on yourself.

[@m.h0656]

I was living this guys life but with a girlfriend. I’m a people pleaser too. I feel for you dude. That’s tough.

[@joelrankin]

I can't imagine being this worried about a woman's anger / wrath.

[@swordready8553]

Veruca Salt, " I want it now."

[@heatherwilkins7228]

I did this as a child. After my 2nd failed marriage of pleasing and being used. Im a female. I decided to be single and take care of me. Im done pleasing others. My happiness is not worth pleasing others.

[@alesosouto]

Let's face it, you didn't please anyone. The common denominator of the two divorces is you. At least now you can please a couple of cats.

[@evil1143]

Yea only you could tell us that.

[@catee.2881]

​@@alesosoutolooking at your reply...did her comment bother you or something?

[@alesosouto]

@@catee.2881 Did my comment bother you or something?

[@MJWill1]

That marriage is toast. What a selfish woman. He’s a beta though. Grab a pair bro.

[@janinelewis2172]

So important to have these conversations Before you get married 😢

[@penelope5500]

Well sure, but w/ someone who is totally selfish & possibly narcissistic like this wife it really wouldn't matter. She would probably say anything, agree to anything, but then after they were married her true colors would come out.

[@janinelewis2172]

@penelope5500 that's fine but at least you set the boundary ahead of time and that's the conversation. We agreed that XYZ, regarding finances religion and etcetera. It sounds to me like he's a people pleaser that has made some assurances to gain this 2nd marriage, and now he needs to flip that around for his own mental health. She also got married under the impression that she was in charge of everything he was going to do and that's unfair. It's kind of like trying to unspoil a child, it's easier to never go there in the first place.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

People change.

[@The_Food_Police]

Actually, this call is the one thing that no one could forsee. There's no way for him to figure this out about her before marriage.

[@alycewich4472]

And, as Dr Deloney says often, you need to have these conversations frequently throughout your marriage. My thoughts: Marriages either grow or they stagnate. They don't stay static.

[@irinadrozd1573]

It’s difficult for many people to say no, to start choosing themselves over someone else.

[@mintyhippo8125]

Sometimes when people are with a people pleaser, their demands get bigger and bigger as an immature way of “see me! Push against it! React!” I think the fact that she threatened divorce/cheating was kinda glossed over (probably because she wasn’t on the phone). When you are with a people pleaser, it feels suffocating, too. Not just for the people pleaser. Like, “please! Be authentic! Get mad! DO something!” However, that strategy doesn’t work. The people pleaser tends to be like, “okay sweetie! Whatever you say!” The other person needs to learn how to respect their own needs and wants. Needs to be able to face their own feelings without an external person validating them. It’s tough. That’s why they fit together so well: one is constantly validating the other. But it’s empty.

[@HaleyStark.]

Johns solution to her ultimatum, if for him to give her an ultimatum? If she is 39 and wants another kid, she needs to leave and start doing IUI/IVF now. She cant wait another year. You cant compromise on kids. If you want a lot of kids, dont marry someone who doesnt, or wont be able to provide for a lot of kids. Its the most important question to ask before marriage

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well she is a cheater she is not good wife and not good mother

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well it his body his choice to get her pregnant

[@angelabarton5146]

He’s not recommending an ultimatum. He’s describing insisting on boundaries and a healthy conversation where both people get equal treatment. If she can’t agree to that…they shouldn’t be discussing babies.

[@HaleyStark.]

@@chris-gx7rs and her choice to get pregnant elsewhere, if she leaves him.

[@HaleyStark.]

@@angelabarton5146 saying "we aren't having another kid, and we aren't talking about this again for a year, when you will probably be too old to start trying again." Isn't a healthy boundary, or giving them both equal treatment.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

She’s fearing her biological clock more than facing reality.

[@cherylvisconti]

His voice is like nails on a chalkboard and he loves the sound of his voice. I, I, I…blah blah blah me…I bet he never stops flopping his chops.

[@icecold8974]

Exactly why you don’t spoil grown women. Make them work and contribute also. Don’t be afraid to let them walk away. She sounds like a big child.

[@sharonscain7673]

She has no respect for him at all!

[@eltonpowelljr1755]

Devin, get out sir. You have been complicit in your own abuse for far too long. Love yourself, give yourself grace plus you deserve peace. You’ll be a better man and father if you divorce that monster.

[@MissMadisonRuby]

She sounds selfish. The third baby is TOUGH. You’re out numbered. It has EXHAUSTED US. But both of us chose her. It has to be on both ya’ll’s terms.

[@PathllDiscovery]

What this caller just described ...is madness! Going through life trying to make people happy as if HIS happiness does not matter. This is his fault for entertaining this relationship for so long.

[@BichaeldeAngelo]

lol- so the rate of birth defects ABSOLUTELY increases exponentially every year after 35. Literally any graph on any study will demonstrate this. The man is right to consider this in his decision-making (even though yes, I agree the answer still should be no to a 3rd child) but he truly is a people pleaser because when John (who is NOT a medical doctor, he has degrees in education and counselor education/supervision) says “you’re fine” which is NOT true in terms of fertility rates and the chance of disability, the guy just says “yeah 100%”

[@b-rad2699]

He most certainly never had the conversation with his wife after this call

[@sandraeastern9720]

Why does she want a third child? She ought to be grateful for the two they already have. She has no appreciation of how fortunate and well-provided she is already.

[@1whical]

Run.

[@sonicchaos23]

As someone who also has struggled with being a people pleaser, i can relate to this mans struggle. And wow does it sound like his wife has done nothing but walk all over him (with him allowing it to happen of course). My last relationship was with a woman with bpd, and those two traits, her bpd and my people pleasing and lack of establishing boundaries made the relationship hell. She would talk with random guys online, want to go out to raves (which i expressed my concern of considering they are drug and alchohol fests where girls dress like they are single, even if they are not and guys look for any girl to have fun with) in which she got inappropriately touched but still wanted to go to them and so much more. She wanted to get married after not even a year and a half together (she is 21 I'm 24) to which i finally had to put my foot down and say no. There was too many problems i thought we needed to address and work on (her going to therapy for her bpd), and she did not like that one, single no AT ALL. She thought i was her door mat that would endlessly bend to her every whim and desire, which was my fault because i had treated her with the kids gloves to keep her happy and making my life easier (so i thought). I broke up with her and been on a journey of learning how important establishing boundaries are for any relationship. If they dont like your boundaries, its probably because they know they have or will cross them eventually.

[@araceliramirez7315]

He deserves better! Threatening to pretty much cheat to get what she wants is enough for a divorce

[@jeffr5552]

I have a bad feeling that we're listening to a man who's either going to continue being a doormat or he's going to stand up for himself and she's going to proceed to rip his life apart and take half of everything. I doubt she'll change but that's the only way this goes well for him.

[@pitstarproductions7792]

Please do not plant your seed in this woman.

[@maam-yj8ph]

He already did. Twice.

[@danamontroy8178]

Let her go, she’s not worth keeping. I’m very sorry.

[@standground7956]

*He should be thankful for his wife showing him exactly who she is.* He should divorce her and wish the best with getting pregnant by this other guy she threatened to cheat with. Everyone should have a zero tolerance for threats and ultimatums.

[@kimberlyturner820]

Tell her don't leave.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

His wife has lost respect. Immediate therapy but prognosis isn't good. He tap danced as much as he could, sounds like .

[@doesnotFempute]

this isn't about a baby or the wife. This dude resents his wife and his environment, due to his self proclaimed "people pleasing" and declination to assert himself. He's essentially lying 24/7 to everyone around him, because he fears conflict. He has set a precedent of no boundaries when, in fact, he has hidden his boundaries while silently coping and seething through his entire marriage. His wife can probably sense that he high key blatantly dislikes her. But he lies daily and future fakes in order to avoid emotional discomfort - while obliviously exacerbating the situation he resents. Wife is probably desperate for affection and emotional intimacy. She falsely believes another baby will fill that void, and/or force her husband to be loving when he isn't capable. Husband is miserable and unfulfilled. Wife has no idea who she married, and miserable and unfulfilled in return.

[@cathystewart1670]

Yikes 😳 emotional & mentally drained 🤕 with the spouse being controlling.

[@Lilyzoe28]

Glory!! After so much struggles I now own a new house with an influx of $108K every month God has kept to his words, my family is happy again everything is finally falling into place. Thank you lord🙏🙏

[@donaldandrews7]

God bless you more abundantly

[@donaldandrews7]

But then, what do you do? How do you come about that much?

[@donaldandrews7]

I’m sincerely curious to know how you make this much

[@Lilyzoe28]

Big thanks to Kathleen Mary Vella

[@Lilyzoe28]

She’s a licensed broker here in the states 🇺🇸

[@joyodonnell5753]

Friends of ours went thru this. She went to fertility Dr w/o his knowledge & started meds. Got pg w/3rd kid even tho husband was clear for 2 yrs he didn't want it. They ended up divorced before the kid was 2.

[@labrigful]

What a way to start a family...

[@donnasearch1]

I always want to ask a question with calls like this, “ what would your wife say about the situation?” I don’t know if I believe that everything this guy is saying is true.