Love Expert Reveals the Secrets to a Successful Relationship | Spirit on Women of Impact

Get my book Radical Confidence NOW
www.radicalconfidence.com/UDX497
Get my FREE 4-part Confidence Course
www.radicalconfidence.com/cdg...
Listen NOW to the WOI Podcast
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
On Today's Episode:
Host of Love Goals on the OWN Network and in possession of a PhD in General Psychology, the therapist known as Spirit combines gritty real-world experience with high-level academic thinking in her straight-forward, powerful advice. She not only gets to the point, she nails the most important point every time. And on this episode of Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu, Spirit takes on some of the most important questions that everyone who struggles with dating and relationships need answered. She explains why you have to see dating as an interview process, breaks down the difference between chemistry and compatibility, and details exactly how to focus on solutions instead of problems in your relationship.
SHOW NOTES:
Spirit breaks down the difference between chemistry and compatibility [1:45]
People often mistake the relationship’s chemistry changing for falling out of love [3:56]
Spirit explains how people end up feeling that they are incompatible [6:45]
When you are dating, that is the perfect time to go slow and really take stock [8:32]
Spirit talks about how someone can be a 10 at 2 AM but a 2 at 10 AM [11:34]
There are three sides: you, your partner and the relationship [14:38]
Spirit explains what to do instead of focusing on the problems [17:57]
There is science to relationships, and you can control intensity, duration and connection [19:48]
Relationship problems and habits are passed down through the generations [22:01]
Spirit explains how to deal with feelings, thoughts and behaviors [24:41]
If you can change the way you think and behave, everything else will fall in line [27:33]
FOLLOW LISA:
Instagram: bit.ly/2TIsoKh
KZbin: bit.ly/2IAbTcH
Podcast: spoti.fi/2IEajGW
FOLLOW SPIRIT:
WEBSITE: oprah.com/app/love-goals.html
INSTAGRAM: / talk2spirit
TWITTER: / talk2spirit

[@sirena9167]

Being annoyed by little things like snoring isn’t what really annoys a person it’s after months or years of disrespect from that person that makes everything annoying about them.

[@lesliejefferson5453]

Wow, for me that is the hammer on the nail. You hit that so on point ❤👍🙌

[@sgreen9088]

Yes agreed. And we not speaking up about those annoyances.

[@siomarradickens9313]

That's where I'm at in my relationship

[@siomarradickens9313]

For me it's everything....after being disrespect for all those years. 😤

[@divinegoddess3060]

And that's our own fault have to pay attention to you all's values and future. And if it annoys us we must address it up front with in ourselves and decide on how much of a deal breaker that is

[@jessykapop]

Been with my husband almost 15 years and we both still act like the first time. I get butterflies and fuzzy feelings everyday for my hubby

[@MaliMaslacak526]

I'm so happy to read this! We need more empowering real love stories 🙂

[@iamatraveler6254]

This is absolutely amazing. I believe in happily forever😁

[@amandarubino4316]

I wish I had that . I'm on year 3.5 and it's like not working out but I love him so much I'm so confused. He's just like mean and grouchy all of the time .

[@tiffanysaddler3964]

@@amandarubino4316 it could be a rough season you all are going through, or something he is personally struggling with. Hope you all can fight through it. ❤️🙏🏽

[@MaliMaslacak526]

@@amandarubino4316 Hey, it's worth checking your attachment style because it impacts the relationship the most. It's like playing the game with two players who play by totally different rules so simply can't enjoy the play as much. Check out Personal Development School on YT as it is hands down the best source of information and goes into great detail. Everything is possible, so is rewiring neurons in your brain to serve you better. I wish you the best of luck!

[@superwaxx]

RELATIONSHIP PRO T!P: Research attachment theory and understanding attachment styles. This is a crucial part of understanding compatibility that often gets over looked.

[@TheZlepno]

Though helpful in helping us self-actualize as healthier adults, Attachment Theory is not evidenced based and people often do not exhibit a single attachment style: "...attachment theory seems to have posited that attachment is some kind of a monolithic relational mind map that applies globally, but recent research shows that individuals can be attached in different ways to different people. Indeed the child can have a secure attachment to his mother, but an avoidant attachment to his father, and an anxious attachment to an aunt, and so on." Google: Why Attachment Theory Is All Sizzle and No Steak

[@hgzmatt]

@@TheZlepno I think you are correct which explains why I can't place my last partner into a particular style. She was all the types in different scenarios. And so am I. Some people I am so annoyed by I automatically get avoidant with them. That's my mother. What I seem to have dropped is my anxious style apart from the week of the actual breakup. Overall I do seem to be more secure than ever.

[@MaliMaslacak526]

Check out Personal Development School channel, she explains the attachment styles so, so well

[@superwaxx]

@@MaliMaslacak526 Yes! I love her channel. Its great. Even signed up for the school. Well worth it. Thank you

[@MaliMaslacak526]

@@superwaxx Wow, great! I'm so glad to hear that 🙂 I wish you all the best 🙌🙋‍♀️

[@luckyrabbit2]

I don’t know why everyone says “it’s such hard work “ I’ve never felt like my marriage takes work. He is my best friend. I wouldn’t talk or treat him differently than my closest friend or sibling. We have been through a lot in our 2 decades together: unemployment, illness, infertility, but the adversity made us stronger. Even when we finally had our daughter, we came together so well, never needed to even talk about feeding schedule, bottles or other things, I can’t explain it. It’s like we have the same heart and brain. I love him to bits.

[@Just...Peachy]

You're so lucky! I want that one day too

[@aleciad6156]

You two are very fortunate to have found each other!

[@michellekalski8823]

Spirit is amazing. She explains things so well.

[@sylvietapos807]

Yes, she does. She looks so good as well.

[@tiffanysaddler3964]

I agree, she broke down the concepts and made it so simple to understand.

[@karinaayres804]

I need to watch this again to learn to articulate as well as you too! Thank you 🙏🏼

[@ampyresurreccion2219]

@@tiffanysaddler3964 LLC

[@Jubilee_BX]

She is super emotionally intelligent!!

[@AverageGoddess222]

There is some fire advice in here. I love the idea that there are THREE entities in any situation: me, him, and the relationship. Also the understanding that the PROBLEM is the problem, and how are we going to solve it as a team?

[@LisaBilyeu]

It’s a powerful perspective isn’t it?

[@euscieu4246]

I needed to hear this way earlier in my life. I would’ve avoided so much heartbreak and frustration trying to fix things that should’ve never been to begin with.

[@anujagawali]

Exactly me too

[@stacyanndyer5092]

I would too, now I'm free and single the best thing ever I can find back myself and be me for as long as I want and trust God plan for me.

[@marialang9420]

So true. I should have had this advice before getting married too young and too soon. I'm glad I am learning it now. Divorced, but free again.

[@thembimogala9704]

Me too.

[@asherbrown7637]

💜 I love spirit, please have her on again would love to hear more, especially on how to communicate effectively in a relationship.😊

[@elas1871]

I SECOND THAT!

[@girlynerds611]

If 2 people join together with this type of understanding, the possibilities are endless! 🥰

[@Jubilee_BX]

I agree!!

[@foreignlovedreams]

In my experience and in my life, the following rules apply in relationships: - Remain Two Individuals - Work Together to Manage Finances - Best Friends and Forever Lovers A successful relationship is communication!

[@irenehammond-griffin2198]

I’m

[@adorhaal6970]

Im 49 yrs old and so naive on who i date .. i always get used, abused by a man .narc.. when i heard this i make sure that before i date a man i will need to know and test the guy .. thank u so much

[@tracicauchi7819]

This woman is a diamond in the rough!! Whoa! I’m so glad I stumbled upon her content on diff KZbin channels! She’s amazing! So true!

[@ahlemlee2488]

the way you ask questions, oh my goodness, just wow, thank you so much for this interview.

[@khutsoset5761]

Spirit, you're my spirit animal. You say everything I need to hear and more. I have no friends who can advise like you do and preparing for marriage this is what I needed.

[@missstarrynight7736]

I was raised to believe, that I should prove my worth to a man and that I should never be a "burden" to him. Of course I attracted a narcissist who abused and mistreated me. Thanks God I finally dumped him, but it was a terrible thing to realize my grandma (same as Lisa's) taught me to normalize abuse. 😕 By the way, my grandpa was also a narcissist.

[@divinelychosen5554]

You earn your credibility...so true. We learn how to come into relationship thru the presence or the absence of people in our lives...wow! Great interview. Spirit is sure fireworks💥

[@honeybunnzs]

I just stumbled across these interviews and I LOVE THEM!

[@joliegabanaboutique105]

I’m at that point now , never can get to the root of the problem, so know I’m checked out . Don’t sleep in the same bed anymore, don’t want to talk, and unfortunately we share a child together . The resentment is from numerous things and now I’m ready to move on. I wish I would’ve heard this message years ago however , after I heal, I know not to jump so fast and actually get to know this person and not the representative!

[@douglashunt5546]

KNOWLEDGE BOMBS DROPPED IN HERE....WOW!!! THANK YOU!!!

[@comaspice]

this video was so insightful. wow, it's so hard not to get caught up in your feelings and blaming the other person for not meeting your needs. I like how you reframed it to focus on the solution, trying something new for a set time and seeing if that works. "the perfect person" has their flaws! and you're bound to bump heads. not everyone can read your mind, and learning to communicate clearly what you need, and knowing what you need first is something I struggle with. I think I can learn a lot by not being fearful to speak up for myself, and trusting that the other person will be open and responsive to my needs. I need to try it or else I won't know.

[@carolinediene7303]

The 2 episodes with this amazing therapist are ones of the most impactful episodes I ever heard/watched on relationship’s topic. No BS, actionable tips and learnings, clarity. You really nailed to have an impact with them. Congrats & thank you! ❤✨👌🏼💯 And now I have to translate it in French for the women I care about (France & Africa).

[@marialang9420]

Very good advice by a wise woman. Thank you!!!! I should have heard this 20 years ago. It is a very sad truth that you only really know a person when you break up with him/her. I just survived a horrible divorce and see the man for the first time the way he really is. Never ever should I have married him so quickly and at such a young age... and have four kids with him..... I've learned the truth now.

[@Cocobod8]

What an amazing conversation. I'm beginning to take a closer look at my relationship.

[@aneltovar3372]

Same! Give us updated. What did you learn?

[@gracirevs2989]

Omg..trueee

[@nadiajules6601]

Hi Spirit !! I Love how you explained the relationship process. Thanks. Love from St.Lucia.

[@seydanur5721]

Wow! She was so articulate and knows what she's talking about. Thank you so much Lisa for the phenomenal content you bring to us!

[@saintmarybulicek567]

I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app [phone] or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger

[@larasmith490]

🦋marriage is hard work, but it’s important to remember marriage is the greatest gift from God

[@lisamuchi8764]

Soooooo #true💯

[@larasmith490]

Lisa Muchi 🦋you hit the nail on the head with the love drunk

[@tmoney444]

how?

[@larasmith490]

Tyler p 🦋we’ll back in the days of Adam & Eve, God knew that as humans we needed a spouse. D&C 131 1-4 Celestial marriage is essential to exaltation in the highest heaven

[@fgt2078]

Good health and a secure loving childhood is the greatest gift from GOD

[@holiday269]

Learned alot from that episode, def guna rewatch that a few times bc she was dropping gems!!

[@realtalk675]

Omg i love spirit what a good conversation ! Lisa you are amazing please never stop your channel is a blessing ❤️

[@sof8784]

I loved this so much! Spirit is such an amazing speaker and there is so much truth to everything she says. Also, absolutely love the way you engage with her and ask questions, Lisa!

[@saintmarybulicek567]

I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app [phone] or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger

[@absta100]

Relationships are like garage sales, they look good from a distance but up close it’s just a tonne of shit you don’t need 🤣❤️💛💚

[@maiyamilangitryte]

Lol!

[@risingsun82]

🤣👍

[@shydebhar]

😂😂😂😂

[@OTF-nv1bw]

This is perfect

[@cierrataree3366]

or you could find something amazing...

[@JeanetteMoseneke]

Please have Spirit on again with you & Tom. It would be a powerful chat on relationships. Love 🇿🇦

[@subtlemoons3078]

WOW, this was an eye-opening, amazing interview - I wish it was longer! the advice is so helpful, and hearing someone explore these topics from a factual perspective shines light on feelings. thank you Spirit and Lisa, and I hope there’s a following video covering needs, how to pinpoint what exactly your needs are, and how to communicate about them. Amazing!! 💛 coming from someone with past childhood neglect/abandonment and experience with toxic relationships/ codependency, I deeply appreciate these talks. xoxo

[@LisaBilyeu]

Lauren Karsant thanks so much for your feedback and so happy to help in some way ❤️

[@AnggiSahamCantik]

The talking was SO GOOD I learn a lot! I cant stop watching to the end

[@angelafronda7515]

Spirit, once again you nailed it. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

angela fronda,I admire your lovely smile!

[@PinkYellowGreen2023]

This is awesome!!!! From understanding that who you are in a relationship is a choice....this knowledge is so necessary!!! And she is a therapist!!!

[@saintmarybulicek567]

I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app [phone] or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger

[@lyndsiixo]

Another great video!! Keep 'em coming Lisa!! Thanks for the amazing advice Spirit!!!

[@lesliemccauley2003]

You are a fantastic host. You shine in glee knowing you are sharing your gift of a better life through better information.

[@saralowe5306]

Girl looks like an equestrian and only about 25.... How can she have been married 18 years with the complexion of a teenager. She must have good genes and a good husband 😊

[@kdpolo2000]

CxdO cch

[@coconutwater4531]

She’s very thin but does look 40 plus

[@unabashedwoman2933]

She’s does. She’s beautiful.

[@troutfamilylife551]

Blk don't crack

[@nicolewinters]

Ja bro

[@nektaria.kleopoulos]

This channel is so amazing! I always learn the best advice and it has truly changed my life. Thank you another great interview Lisa!!!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Nektaria Kleopoulos so glad you enjoyed it!

[@fatinarifin7961]

Lisa is ahmazinggg ❤️🔥

[@sandrarosales8604]

This was amazing!! Thank you Spirit and Lisa🙏

[@LisaBilyeu]

Sandra Rosales 🙌

[@jujubee90275]

Love you Spirit. I am a clinician myself and always love learn from you as I want to strengthen my growth❤

[@thembimogala9704]

Our feelings, Our thoughts, Our behavior, Human beings in a nutshell. This content was highly informative.

[@AzucenaPerez]

Loved Dr. Spirit!! Such solid, wise advice. Thank you!!

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

I am SO glad I am away from my birth parents. I am with someone who became family and he is SO protective and wise. My mother is a covert narcissist and my dad has some questionable patterns. So I’m glad I get to heal.

[@valeriemckeever5007]

I love Spirit she is the best! This was Very informative! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@LisaBilyeu]

Boom 🔥❤️

[@esmeraldayachting]

Sprit you are an amazing clear, powerful therapist!!

[@realtalk675]

Spirit and lisa 🙏🏼❤️ amazing woman who inspire me so much

[@ask_danielle]

SO helpful! Thank you Lisa & Spirit.

[@adelinexavier5921]

Every word, was worth the listen. Just pure gold.

[@justinanothard724]

Great episode, thank you!

[@rosieone4533]

Fab topic. Thanks for introducing me to a new person! Hoping this is a 2 part episode (and not a technical error) so we can get more. For anyone who is wanting practical steps of this advice, The Gottman's have gone into the science of relationships. They have crafted brilliant resources which provide you with tools to tackle many of the things Spirit mentions here.

[@srod31]

Thank you for the show notes!! Great episode

[@twowingsatlanta4007]

Spirit You are Phenomenal!!!💜💜 Chemistry and Compatible NRE: New Relationship Energy

[@torontorealtordk4201]

I loved this, very educational. Thank you! ❤️

[@LisaBilyeu]

🙏❤️

[@bellamarciano]

AMAZING as always!! Much love to you❤️

[@ligiasommers]

Amazing and very helpful episode. Thank you 🙏🏻💖🌷

[@dsandra2023]

I like this women, she is amazing, please one more but long interview with her ❤️

[@LisaBilyeu]

Thanks for the feedback!! ❤️

[@naseeha101]

Going to bed at 2 with a 10 and waking up at 10 with a 2! 🤣🤣🤣

[@LisaBilyeu]

🤣

[@gabrielleheaven1266]

Hhihihi hahahahaha 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@TachAventura]

What is her SUPERPOWER? Is there a second part coming? Loved this interview! 🥰

[@jeannetilar7580]

I love how she explains it🥰

[@Lovingmylife24]

I wish I would have learned this earlier in my life. This is good.

[@joannahpecos4183]

THIS IS GOLD! Thank you so much

[@Missarlyyn]

LOVE your channel girl ❤️🙏🏽💯 keep it up, thank you!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Arlyn Famulaga thank you!! 🙌💕

[@natural.7]

I Love all her explanations! Is it just me or the interview was longer than this? 😊

[@zanescents3986]

I just love her energy!!

[@chiomanwachukwu6744]

What do I like most about Spirit - her practical and objective options to this thing called 💕. With her I'm always a student 😂.

[@adwoaannan3104]

Wow! I learnt so much from this video. Thank you for conversations like this.

[@swinxfee]

You have an AMAZING channel. Thank you 🙏🏽

[@taylorcunha7250]

Spirit is AMAZING

[@jooctober9021]

Love it . Thanks ladies ; ) Hugs and love from Belgium

[@fidanaliyeva8]

Love it❤ Eye opening interview

[@plushplumes5328]

The anology towards the end... 🙌🏾

[@luisavaca33]

Amazing interview. Thank you! 🙏🏽

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Luisa Vaca, you look stunning

[@jhenapingul4962]

Thank you so much for this!!!

[@DariaZeev]

Wonderful, thank you for your help!

[@LisaBilyeu]

💕

[@lucystephanieproperties]

Well hey thanks Spirit. You cleared up a lot of things for many of us. Love your vids Lisa. :)

[@kimbates1071]

Spirit Amazing 👏 ✨ 🙌 ❤ love her style of therapy ❤

[@tamartamunanemsadze7750]

Amazing ! Thank you. That is what I do. I interview them and cannot find any so far. I thought I was crazy fir doing it.

[@andrewc.2952]

I think the title for this amazing session should be conflict resolution. I'm from a dysfunctional and abusive home. I'm learning to do things the right way, the healthy way, for myself and my partner.

[@mariangeles1310]

This is the video I needed today, thank you

[@LisaBilyeu]

❤️

[@PacificMoceans]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥❤❤❤❤ This just saved my relationship! Thank you!!!

[@marcelapinzon7404]

This interview was soooooo good

[@LisaBilyeu]

marcela diaz 🙌🙌

[@amikamaya]

marcela diaz לפֿחןתלת

[@navigatinglifewithamelia4150]

Wow wish had seen this a year ago but lesson learnt for the future. We really need to be aware of how different past relationships wether it be with our parents, siblings, etc. impact current relationships.

[@yolandam611]

Thank you. I love Spirit

[@sandrabarkay4327]

Thank you Spirit and Lisa.

[@dovetales3]

Good conversation!

[@Rantitoutloud]

Wow! I can listen to her all day

[@Demifan39]

The fact that we are getting this for free wow!

[@neskebeks]

Spirit is my hero.

[@claribelgarcia9256]

Wow!! Amazing thank you!!

[@jamesrobertson4098]

That was just mind blowing 🤯🤯🤯 Amazing insight, thank you very much indeed 🧘‍♂️🙏

[@auraramey3480]

This was great!

[@empressstaceyjackson5375]

Absolutely love this women!!! 🙏🏾

[@gorgeouswales9635]

Very good! Thank you!❤️

[@FlexNFly]

This was just brilliant!

[@greenleaf8226]

💖excellent advise and equally great questions asked..💖

[@LisaBilyeu]

So glad you thought so! 💕

[@mariemcleod46]

Love this, so real and true, such a funny way of getting everything across. Made me laugh, bit really think👍🥰💛

[@LisaBilyeu]

Marie Mcleod 😉🙌❤️

[@simplynazou]

Really enjoyed this! I'm Greek Canadian. 😁 I like your channel even more now. Hehe 💚

[@LisaBilyeu]

❤️

[@danief929]

Excellent discussion👍

[@madhurichakraborty1254]

Enjoyed her expertise.