Worst Advice to Give to Targets of Workplace Bullying

Worst Advice to Give to Targets of Workplace Bullying
You have probably been struggling for a while to stop the offensive workplace behaviors and are at a point where you just don’t know what to do anymore and you are feeling frustrated with the lack of support. So you ask for some advice from others in hopes that this will help you.
What you really want is to be able to solve the problem with just one conversation so that the bullying ends and that you are supported by colleagues while you do it.
The problem is the people you are going to don’t have it all figured out either. They look happy and the advice they give you does nothing to help you resolve issues.
I am going to share with you the three worst pieces of advice targets of workplace bullying receive and why this advice may actually be creating more problems for you
Whether you are trying conflict resolution for small issues or larger issues like workplace bullying, building relationships and supporting targets of working bullying will require we work on our communication skills, especially our communication in conflict
Sometimes the most difficult conversations happen when targets of bullying are given the worst advice by well-intentioned people.
A toxic workplace is one where difficult people in the workplace are allowed to work without consequence. When someone says they are being bullied in relationships, either in or out of the workplace, we need to know how to help targets of bullying. Knowing what to do if someone discloses they feel bullied will help you maintain a positive relationship with others and be seen as a leader.
Tweet this video ctt.ac/qcfz0
FREE RESOURCES
50 Scripted Responses to Stop Offensive Behaviors www.tammydunnett.com/thetalkshop
Facts on Incivility and Bullying in Healthcare www.tammydunnett.com/thetalkshop
☛ 30 Minute Discovery Session
calendly.com/relationshiprevo...
💪💪 Tammy Dunnett is a Leadership and Communication Skills coach, organizational trainer, author, and keynote speaker.
She empowers healthcare professionals to confidently, and gracefully resolve conflict and end workplace bullying while creating a career where they are respected, empowered, and appreciated.
WEBSITE
www.tammydunnett.com
Social
LinkedIn / tammy-dunnett
Tik Tok / tammy.dunnett
#tammydunnett #workplacebullying #communicationskills

[@maureenw7553]

I think bullying comes from lack of leadership by management

[@tammydunnettleadership]

That will certainly perpetuate the problem. The opportunity for each of us is to recognize it and stop it. If we wait for a leader to notice and do something l, we are at their mercy

[@ryangordon133]

Exactly. I literally just left my job because I was being bullied and the boss was too much of a Beta to do anything about it.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

@@ryangordon133 Sorry to hear about your experience .... maybe send my video to the company lol

[@ryangordon133]

@@tammydunnettleadership thanks Tammy. Maybe I will 🤔 lol

[@suelamalasi8654]

9 out of 10 leaders are the biggest bullies that's why they promote the same prototype. Values reflection as above so below

[@stephenbayer3909]

In my experience with bullying in the workplace, bullies are empowered by management. The manager is either a bully themself, demonstrating what kind of behaviors the employee-bully sees that they can get away with; or they are considered so valuable and irreplaceable that the manager chooses to overlook or excuse the behavior because she or he is so important to the larger goals of the organization.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Yes. You have hit on some very important organizational factors that create a talk-sick workplace. There is still potential for change and it must be driven from the leadership in these cases. I studied Boss Whispering, and bullies of this nature need a coordinated approach If the org is unwilling, it is better to leave

[@randomclips2244]

Your absolutely right. Especially when lines managers are friends with senior management, they know they can get away with it! Luckily people are realising that HR are there to protect the company, not the employees!

[@randomclips2244]

Another example is that the tribunal laws can't always be powerful. I live in the UK. And for a company to be taken to a tribunal i.e constructive dismissal, you have to have 2 years continuous service with the company. I'm not sure how the US tribunal laws are, but it 2 years in the UK!

[@AnthonyManzio]

@@tammydunnettleadership I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.[

[@izabelazajac6182]

Exactly! I have noticed that in my place of work.

[@carolstanhope4717]

I notice that they target ones who are 'well put together'.Kinda like seeing if they can take you down a couple notches.🤔🙄

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It can certainly seem that way

[@donnathedead7554]

It's always the biggest eff-arounds that want to tattle on everybody else. They get paranoid about getting caught and think they through a smokescreen by throwing the quiet, unpopular coworker under the buss. This is why autistic people "can't work". Because they work way too well.

[@user-qv7vi2ls6j]

😢

[@Smith-he6bg]

Yes they’re actually very insecure and have to pull people down so they can feel better about themselves. Also, some people feel like nice people deserve it for being so stupid and trusting.

[@JK20239]

This is why I stay debt free. I've been bullied out of every job I've had. It doesn't change from. Job to job. Being debt free let's me sleep at night.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It is a good strategy to have money saved. Gives a sense of freedom to make those choices. And as my husband said to me: if you are the common denominator in every situation, have you looked at yourself? It was a hard question for me to hear but I was already wondering why it always happens to me I learned some things about my right fighting and the values that I hold strongly to. It helped me realize I could try something different without sacrificing myself

[@OK-wb1dy]

Sue them. You’ll be surprised how willingly they would want to pay you a handsome settlement for fear of being exposed in court. But it’s understandable, if you don’t want to deal with courts and reliving the stuff by giving evidence and all that.

[@c0ffe3mn88]

@@OK-wb1dy I agree with this. After I blew up after being bullied for years at a job I had the owner of the business called me straight away and said what did I want - I said nothing what I should have said was lots of money or else but by that point I was too angry.

[@stevenkalavity9879]

Employment law needs to give more power to targets. Bullying is a form of corruption, in my view. Look at personnel handbooks and there is no support for the abuse of power that bullying behavior is. Also, I do not think there are individual bullies. Bullying is an organization structure. Individual bullies can easily be dealt with in a well managed organization. Bullying is a health and safety issue and top management must be held accountable for providing a safe and fair work environment.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

This is a valuable share. Organizational issues definitely exist and are often the reasons people quit. I advocate for each individual participating in the solution

[@sherylsalazar4822]

💯

[@johnorr8094]

Agreed, it's emotional abuse.

[@beasaroseco5840]

We need to stop calling it bullying. Its harassment. Its Pathological and demonic.

[@annastone5624]

Excellent comment. Totally agree.

[@ladonna2u742]

When I stood-up to bullying, I was labeled “the problem”, and went through years of varying degrees of harassment. Unfortunately, by the time I realized things would NOT get better, I was too vested into my retirement to leave. I did find some solace in the fact it was not just happening to me, so we all made a running joke of it-Survivor.😂😂

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Oh gosh - your experience is sooo common (and one I resonate with) and you point to a well used coping strategy (we are all in it together)

[@catherineortiz8929]

Yes, my manager told me my reactions were not normal like gping to work anxious. After I sas bullied😩

[@lisawadhams1241]

I was bullied and harassed in front of co workers and patients. When I asked the person to stop. She called the regional and told her I was harassing her. This person complained about my work , my mgr and her would laugh about giving me all the tough patients. I was called loser in front of co workers and patients. Just find new job and get help to deal with the trauma. Staying isn’t going to get better

[@Dippmip]

@@tammydunnettleadership well, didnt you advice that supposedly helps, speaking up?

[@selenem3384]

​@@lisawadhams1241never understimate narcissists in a workplace as to how far they will go to gaslight themselves that they are not the problem by projecting everything on those around them. A bunch of psychotic coworkers, trying to make you convince you are the problem when you notice they are off and batshit insane.😂😂😂😂 sometimes you just have to ignore these bastards and let them stay in their psychotic miserable "happy" place of denial.

[@oldskoolordie]

Without the support of senior management any resolution won't work. In most cases senior management have created the problem by ignoring or even supporting bullying members of staff. The only solution is to leave or move to another department.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Yes I agree management plays a critical role. I add that we don’t need management to be the change in our relationships. That is up to us

[@stevenkalavity9879]

Employment law needs to give more power to targets. Bullying is a form of corruption, in my view. Look at personnel handbooks and there is no support for the abuse of power that bullying behavior is. Also, I do not think there are individual bullies. Bullying is an organization structure. Individual bullies can easily be dealt with in a well managed organization. Bullying is a health and safety issue and top management must be held accountable for providing a safe and fair work environment.

[@reginacarr4633]

I put up with a bully and toxic work environment for 6 months. I went to management, and they did nothing! I got fed up and quit!

[@Gelicaa.2]

@@reginacarr4633 I feel you, and its ashame especially if that person has history with not getting along with other employees in the past

[@janchapman3408]

A fish rots from the head first, right? Management either knows or should know, bullying is happening. They just don't care. It's like living out "Mean Girls" at work.

[@CmdrEsteban]

The ‘just ignore it’ and ‘don’t speak up’ approach is not only detrimental to the victim, but also just serves to further empower the bully to continue their offensive behaviour, as they can see they’re getting away with it. Just my experience as someone currently on stress leave due to one narcissistic toxic individual whose behaviour has been allowed to fester.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It is true, in order to implement an effective strategy, we must be willing to acknowledge the real problem first

[@AnthonyManzio]

I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.b

[@astromama3474]

I'm currently practicing the "just ignore it, don't speak up" method and it's grinding me to rubble. I have an employee who is a big bully and rather than find the courage to confront her on her disrespectful behavior, I'm avoiding the issue out of fear. I'm watching this video, and more, hoping to find the key to confront this bully.

[@CmdrEsteban]

@@astromama3474 This is exactly what I did, and it was the worst approach I could have taken. Please get some independent advice (either externally or within your organisation) about how to manage this. But for now start diarising everything - what she did/said exactly with date and time. Preferably do this electronically by sending the reports to yourself via email so that they are date/time stamped. With this evidence you can then later take the matter further in accordance with whatever advice you receive. I did not take these steps and my mental health and self-confidence severely suffered for it. Act now.

[@The3rownie]

Honestly in my situation I’m not afraid to be confrontational and speak up, they used that as bait to get a reaction out of me but even when I straight up asked them what the issue was they would just stare at me and say nothing and after that it would continue. So ignoring it wouldn’t have made a difference because if they wanted to they would still laugh or exchange glances with one another for one reason or another. I’ve ignored them before and clearly it didn’t do much either. I am a friendly person and talk to a lot of people so I’m not sure what these people had against me. Overtime though it really makes you feel self conscious about your work ethic and how you perform when all eyes are on you or they are waiting for a screw up. I’m trying to find a job this week and I pray I find a healthy work culture/environment that means the most to me with supportive co-workers. I’ve had shitty co-workers in the past but it never got this immature.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

You hit on an important consequence of chronic workplace issues - and that is how you start to question yourself. Stand in your truth. If you need support, I offer coaching services that may help

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

It’s just awful trying to survive in these kinds of sick work environments. I’m so sorry for your stress. Nobody deserves to be marginalized.

[@hollycaird2591]

Everything you said rings true for me. Un/Fortunately, you are not alone. I find there has always been a sociopath and they are always like a moth to a flame with me. I am still working on strategy. It would be nice to just be at peace.

[@Here4TheHeckOfIt]

I know what you mean about having all eyes on you, waiting for you to screw up. I really do believe management creates these bullying environments

[@subomisalami1326]

I am interested in your coaching services, pls I need help with work place bullies ​@@tammydunnettleadership

[@jimgillert20]

What I'm reading on the comments and my own experience is adults acting the same as in junior high school. The SAME!

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Iit’s not surprising when you realize they are working with the same tools they had in junior high. These skills are simply needed in junior high classes. It’s why it is a top skill for employees - but organizations also don’t prioritize teaching better skills. It’s why I am here doing what I do :)

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

They were the school bullies. There is research on bullies at school who have high self esteem, good lives etc and they are the main bullies. The others are called bully- victims who have personal problems etc. Yes… those girls grow up… become “professionals”

[@mountainherald5414]

During my first workplace bully experience , someone told me “Keep your head down, stay out of “their” way “ very bad advice. Yet , In my very recent, somewhat ongoing work place bullying saga, I am adopting somewhat the same form of coping . Because of the nature of the bullying , and all the directions it is coming from. Today is Saturday , and I am going into work to clean out my things . I need to do separation paperwork yet, but I want minimal contact. I am leaving, but I am so exhausted my body aches.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear this. You have had bad advice. There is hope! Many great places to work and with some support, you can find new ways to cope so your actions are aligned with what you need and want

[@tammydunnettleadership]

If you want to work with a coach who gets it and can help you move forward, book a call with me - If I had known about coaching when I went through my ordeal, I believe I would have recovered faster!

[@emmanouilachladiotis5272]

When you speak to them you re the trouble maker and lose your job . Easy😂

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sometimes that is true - if this happened to you, what would you do different in your approach? What is something you could try differently that may give you a better result?

[@marigoldbeam5475]

You are right I have both seen it and experienced it. Get legal advice so you know how to protect yourself and possibly sue for constructive dismissal later.Find a new role in a better company, get your reference and move on. When they have huge staff turnover, because they will, and all of the associated negatives that go along with that, they might wake up and smell the coffee. Whatever the case it won't be your headache any longer.

[@l.5832]

Yes. I still speak up though. I remember 30 years ago had a bullying instructor in uni. I waited for the course to finish, then filed my well-documented grievance. Instructor tried to threaten me and he gave me a crummy grade but ultimately the guy lost his job so I feel I saved future student's the humiliation of having him. I was called a sh*t disturber by some of the class who wanted to gain instructor's favour....even as they were being bullied themselves.

[@kellyhlad2641]

I followed policy and reported this NURSE , dates names times etc, the bullying was stressing me out. I reported her twice and each time the bullying became worse. Nurses are the WORST. I ended up leaving. Management made the situation worse , it was like being bullied twice. There was no WIn , Win.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thanks for sharing. There is a huge gap between policy and organizational action. I hope you are in a better job now

[@Nicole-ck9ss]

Same, my manager and director became even worse and found a way to get me out.

[@AnthonyManzio]

I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.x

[@tamarathejudeochristianmedium]

My sister in law is a nurse and a bully. I worry about her patients 💙🙏🏻💙

[@AnthonyManzio]

@@tamarathejudeochristianmedium She's only there for the money. One day a patient will report her behavior. Then later on end up loosing her license

[@cynthiabiel7714]

I was a teacher in New York and severely harassed by a clique. By the grace of God..I found a book titled: MOBBING that explained it all...just as I experienced it like a playbook.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

A great resource!

[@ivybichon8582]

Everything you’re saying is so true. I didn’t have the courage to speak up despite being bullied several times. I eventually brought it to my boss, who pretty much gaslight me about my reality. We had a formal meeting with h, which soon turned into retaliation from the bully. The retaliation never stopped for years though I would call and cry my eyes out and tell my boss about it. I just left the office after another incident and I’m not going back. However, I’m not letting them off the hook. It’s time for me to stand up against this individual and the organization that was suppose to protect me.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear your experience. I wish we were able to connect sooner so you could have felt supported. While HR can be brought in as an ally, we also know they are supporting the manager and the company - so the timing and the methods can make a difference. If you want support and help in restoring your reputation, consider joining the Conquer Conflict Academy and we can work together

[@ivybichon8582]

I joined your Facebook group. I’ve always been taught as a child to keep my head down and not cause any conflict. It’s only worked against me. I wish I have learned more conflict resolution skills. As a 52-year-old woman I’m tired of people taking advantage of my silence. I did all the avoidant things that you’ve mentioned in this video.

[@user-dx2dm8oq8g]

If I decide to confront someone if the behavior doesn't change, I leave asap if they seem dangerous or are friends with managers. Sometimes to get a good reference I won't be rude, but again I'm already planning my exit. Sometimes I notice the boss badmouthing other employees or humiliating them, I'm again planning my exit. If the harassment is turning criminal and you have recorded proof see a lawyer. If your union fights for you go to a therapist and keep a work diary with events and witnesses. It's really a case by case scenario and it depends on if you wanna stay there long-term.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Finding what you can control and exercising your options is empowering!!!

[@robicarm]

If you submit paper work, and nothing happens then you have to expect retaliation at some point. The HR at my job is the bosses brother in law, and some people are inter related. You have to figure out what your bullie has or will say. If you work with people who have close relationship connections outside the work place. It seems you should expect to either take it to a court or accept more harassment, or try to be civil.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Family business / connections are a level all on their own. Thanks for sharing this perspective.

[@traveller8867]

There is a great deal of nepotism to include married couples (some keeping maiden names so it can't be detected), close relatives, neighbors and co-workers/friends from previous jobs, etc. They build empires, and this is the united front aka mob that victims have to deal with. In this case, I think it's no-win and you should get a new job.

[@banana9106]

If you do lodge a grievance, then the company will find that you are at fault and they will find a way to bully you out of your job.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sometimes that can happen, unfortunately. Not always. Many people successfully resolve issues

[@banana9106]

@@tammydunnettleadership It should be in the interests of the company to resolve things in a positive manner, however a lot of companies see that as admitting liability, so for them it is easier to get rid of the person that raises the grievance rather than resolve it properly.

[@l.5832]

What I have experienced...every single time.....is when I have a solid case against them, they will fabricate some fireable wrong doing on my part. They will plant evidence, and their flying mokeys who were promised a raise or promotion for their cooperation have no problem acting as witness to your horrendous deeds. You need to GET OUT at the first signs of bullying because it never gets better and you have a lot to lose.

[@performcorp]

Best advice I’ve seen re: workplace bullying if you are the victim, start applying on other jobs, have a neutral story for interviews about a command and control workplace with pervasive micromanagement (if true), and if needed get a doctor’s note to take a legitimate medical leave. No one deserves abuse and HR is never a place to report it. Even grievances can result in reprisals to make for a worse work environment. Poor organizational culture, bad bosses and Ill treatment causes people to vote with their feet. If enough people leave, that should be a learning opportunity for the organization’s senior management.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

I agree with your share. For those who feel unable to leave for whatever reason, they will have to find another way

[@cherrytraveller5915]

Only problem with this method is you are giving them what they want by leaving. That same person will then go on to bully someone else. That person may have no where to go and might not be as strong. Could you live with that knowing you could have done something to prevent it from happening to someone else

[@LD-mv3bk]

I’m going through this right now I’m so damn drained and tired . I endured this for 4 years at my last employer and at my next county job I’m definitely with it again ! I’m so tired and I feel so unsafe here

[@tammydunnettleadership]

If you want help, book a call calendly.com/relationshiprevolution/samplecoaching

[@TheWormLady2]

I’m in the SAME BOAT as you! Bullies are insecure with themselves.

[@riannepaborito]

“Get along,” Yeah right! You really expect a person to get along after being bullied? That’s really insulting. 🙄

[@tammydunnettleadership]

That’s why it’s the worst advice ;)

[@selenem3384]

get along to me know means - "learn to laugh at the sad sacks of 💩💩 "

[@savage_skirt5386]

I have had several polite and professional conversations with my direct supervisor, nothing helps. He will not stop until I either quit or get fired.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sometimes leaving is the right decision, especially if the organization is not willing to make changes

[@savage_skirt5386]

no way, wouldn't give them the satisfaction. i get paid rather well; they'll have to fire me outright@@tammydunnettleadership

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Hope things are improving!

[@CB-wq9wp]

If you are being bullied/backstabbed/undermined by a sociopath coworker, and management isn't on your side, the only thing to do is begin looking for another job, and leave asap. Don't wait until you are so beaten down, mentally/emotionally worn out and physically exhausted that you're unable to successfully look for and obtain a new job.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sociopath is one thing - and not all bullies are sociopaths.

[@erichmutchler3262]

As an Ohio University Organizational Communication graduate from the 80's with experience in the corporate world, the best way to deal with bullies is to be direct, brutal but talk in a whisper.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

I think It is a good strategy to stay calm and reduce the energy with a low calm voice. Sometimes this may aggravate the other, and we need to remind ourselves that we do not own their emotions or reactions. We own our emotions

[@radley3519]

Oh my goodness I’ve been with an employer for 11 yrs and have tried it all. I’ve gotten older on them- and learned to stand up for myself in ways that really count. It’s been a blessing to see it come full circle. No one’s immune to human problems - bad behavior always catches up to the one behaving badly

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Awesome! Sounds like some wisdom talking here - with each new opportunity we have to practice our communication skills, we level up a little bit more

[@johnorr8094]

"You have to move on." or "You have to let it go." Are so infuriating to hear.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Yes - when we care about the work we do, it is disheartening to hear

[@selenem3384]

i am slowly beginning to laugh at narcs and their psychosis they are trapped in....

[@HM-hf7lw]

Thank you for this advice. I feel heard. I have been struggling for close to a decade at a toxic company. Thankfully I have good people around me now. However, I have become so sick to the point that every waking moment I question if I want to be alive anymore. Yet I have to get up and go to work everyday. I have no true support. It’s not as bad as it once was. I have tried to get new employment. I feel stuck. I feel incredibly guilty for taking time off work. No one believes me. I have to work to stay alive. It it such a viscous cycle. Thank you. This is how I feel. I feel like I’m going insane.I’ve started to develop physical pain and no one believes me.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sorry to hear you have been affected to this degree. The one thing that stood out to me is “I feel stuck” … even in all the work you have done to find another job, take your power back in deciding to stay. You are dealing with enough, don’t give them any more power in your life It may sound silly, or even a little crazy, but when you stand in your power to make decisions, you find strength in new places

[@cynthiabiel7714]

There is an old Book titled: MOBBING, psychological abuse in the workplace....this may help you for your own mental health...and also show people ( along with sites like these) that these things DO happen....I was Mobbed on my job 25 years ago and there was little information online..but I did find some sites......nowadays I see many sites and the comments...just show how prevalent this is..is IS ABUSE.............................I had years of it and got so sick I had to do on Disability for depression and anxiety........if you can leave..( that is a risk you may find another toxic place)..or work from home..or have another stream of income.....like selling on ebay...turtoring....even cleaning homes and offices..may be better.

[@willyjoerockhead]

Go off on them!!! The best advise!!!

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Not what I would recommend

[@Dippmip]

@@tammydunnettleadership and why not

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It may feel good in the moment, but has its own set of consequences.

[@LiarsSweet]

I am so glad some said “ignoring it” is not the right way to handle. I have been “ignoring it” for 8 months all day everyday. They just get worse and grow in numbers until you are actually running away all the time. I spoke with my manager and was gaslit. I am doing the best out of the entire department. So I know they don’t care about who is doing well lol

[@tammydunnettleadership]

So sorry to hear things are worse - what do you see as an option now?

[@LiarsSweet]

@@tammydunnettleadership Wow I wasn’t expecting a reply. I mean since I posted this comment it’s become dare I say theatrical. They are creating plans without me knowing. They all got up and left the other day. I still do not actually know what I did there is nothing official filed on their side

[@OGAngie]

I wish I could have liked this video 100x. I've watched literally 50+ videos over the course of the past 6 months on how to deal with an abusive covert narcissist, and this is the FIRST ONE that actually makes sense to me. All the advice has been to ignore it, not respond, etc. and now the entire department has been hearing this coworker talking poorly about me and since I have listened and not defended myself, they all believe her. Now it feels too late to even try to correct it because it's been almost a year of this narrative that everyone has given into. I was never someone obsessed with what people thought of me, but now people chuckle or walk out of rooms I go into. I'm hypervigilant, avoid doors, have been physically sick, don't sleep anymore, and it's been only getting worse over the year. I swear that I'm usually the type of person that can empathize and resolve conflict, but I've never dealt with a manipulative, lying, triangulating person like this before. I hate being so on guard and paranoid all the time. I just want it to end.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sorry to hear about this. There is a saying I use “if nothing changes, nothing changes” - It sounds like there are opportunities for you to try something new to reclaim your health and reputation

[@jdraven0890]

Completely agree with the comments section: bullying exists and persists because management puts up with it. At my last job, they extolled the virtues of being a jerk and laughed off every unprofessional thing that a co-worker did. The advice I got was to become a jerk to deal with that jerk. If I have to change fundamentally who I am to keep a job, I'll do something else.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Yes - bullies tell us the same thing. Leaders must take action, but they are not the only ones. It is a collective effort

[@clairearendse4877]

Workplace bullying isn't about resolving conflict. It's about the need to dominate, and to maintain that social dynamic through reinforcement.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

My experience is much “bullying” is not true bullying - it is bully like behaviours rooted in unresolved conflict That said, bullying behaviours left unaddressed will never resolve

[@Irl432]

I called out a colleague who made racist remarks about another colleague. Managers talked to him and he simply denied (of course), so the managers asked me to come and speak with him. The managers asked if I could have heard wrong, so I told them and the colleague sitting in front of me 'no'. He didn't look at me. The managers told me I'm not allowed to speak about it and not to mention it again. I now worry what will happen next time I have to go to the office...

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Let’s hope the other person has learned a lesson … in the meantime, what would it look like for you to take the lead, approach the colleague and have a “clear the air” conversation? A reset?

[@oriolrodriguezdelolmo9232]

The only advice that you can apply for you if you are in a bullyplace is get out of there, they will not be able to support if you get out of there

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sometimes that is the best thing, and not always necessary. Most bullies are not aware of their impact. I have had successful resolutions myself and with clients through improving communication skills, boundaries, etc

[@donnathedead7554]

The bullying will stop instantly if and when the bullies realize that behavior will not be tolerated. You have to assess the management, their willingness to deal with the problem and potentially run off the problematic employee (perhaps multiple if they are unable to identify the ring leader). If the bully smells weakness or desperation on the meagers part, best to start looking for the door. They are running this place and will continue to do so. That manager is just there to pick up the slack for when the bully doesn't feel like doing their job, which happens a lot.

[@cynthiabiel7714]

I agree...I tried to communicate how the bullies were effecting me.. and it got worse.....you Try ONCE...and this will tell you if the people are not malicious......I tried and tried....the best thing is to leave or get a lawyer( but these things are hard to prove). standing up for yourself is good for self respect .

[@donnathedead7554]

@@cynthiabiel7714 If the manager doesn't do anything about the behavior, or worse yet, takes the bully's side, it gives the bully extra satisfaction when you complain. They get to victimize you twice and you do half the work. I find in that situation, its best to act like none of it affects you while you look for another job. Don't give them the satisfaction. They can have that horrible job with the incompetent management. Go find someplace decent to work. I'll never understand why so many good people chose to stay in these places, just pleading with terrible people to like them.

[@l.5832]

I am now in my mid 60s. I have seen a number of workplaces go from really great, to bullying toxicity with a management change. However, I have NEVER seen it reversed. I have never seen a toxic workplace become healthy. It is like a virus and it contaminates everyone because the healthy ones leave and only the toxic supporters stay. So eventually, all are toxic or supporters of toxicity.

[@dancingram79]

I can not agree with you more. I am a nurse and Ive worked in a very small opioid clinic in Sweden. Because of many factors among them low staffing, education and low work moral I became increasingly overloaded with work. I asked a good friend for advice but the advice often was that I was being overly sensitive or overthinking stuff, to just ignore things. As I got increasingly ill, tired and depressed, the advice was that perhaps I was not seeing things clearly since I was /am depressed. I believed it those words, since I consideted the person to be kind and well intended, even when it felt wrong. When I finally asked for help I was seen as the problem. Or they did see that I was struggling but.. one made a comment that hurt me. " I dont have the energi to hear it" at an actual work meeting that was meant to adress such things. I though, you cant even hear it, but Im suposed to shut up and deal with it? I felt like they meant (nurse colleges), yeah poor you but this is not our problem. I got burned out and Im on sick leave still. After 4 years dealing with the same issues I felt betrayed, unheard and bitter. Today Im working temporarily at a different clinic 25% and getting better by each day. Funny conversation I had with that same person who felt I was oversensitive. They now expressed the same frustrations after 6 months and they were surprisingly very upset and even shocked at the situation. They were clearly expecting support. They complained that the situstion at work was so hard, toxic and that they felt unheard and overworked. My answer: oh, same old thing, different people affected. Mmhh. Yes, very sad.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

I am so sorry you went through such a difficult time. Delighted to also learn you are getting better everyday!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

[@KP-rh5qz]

My husband always tells me to keep my head down. I knew something wasn’t right with that advice because it’s truly exhausting.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

I agree - it is a lot of work trying to pretend things are ok

[@OK-wb1dy]

One of the worst advice people give is tell the target to quit the work. If you love your job, why should you? Take your courage and expose them. You’ll be surprised with the results .

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It is easier to walk away - at least that is what the advice suggests- and there are times where that will end up being the best decision- but as long as there are options on the table, why not try to be the different in your own life 💕

[@jlargo520]

I've gone to management. This employee that I am issues with, has a chummy relationship with our supervisor, and when e had a meeting they looked at me as if I was the problem, she laughed it off when i confronted her. Nothing has changed in our department.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

What are you doing now to navigate the situation?

[@emaria7244]

Yup. Reporting it and all of a sudden you’ve got a target on ur back. I’m being bullied at my current job. It sucks.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

What support do you need?

[@performcorp]

Revise your resume now and take a medical leave if needed.

[@selenem3384]

i have learned this the hard way....

[@ronjcharity]

Poor leadership is the problem, mgmt team lacks people and team building skills. For the bully, record conversations, note any witnesses and hire a lawyer. Get coaching regarding HR. They are not your friend, they protect mgmt.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Relationships are a two way street and each individual bears responsibility to nurture it, there is much to learn from conflict for everyone

[@JK-yf2vl]

Adult bullying is pervasive in public schools

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It is! Many of us never really learn how to resolve conflicts in healthy ways until something bad happens

[@radley3519]

Conversations matter because they expose each persons core intent and sheds light on and helps you move forward

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Yes it does! We often see and measure impact, intent is a critical piece to resolution

[@BlaineGag]

I’ve always struggled at jobs ….. but made it farther than most …..

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Great

[@pattygirardi9131]

Well I sought out videos because I am now dealing with anxiety from a workplace bully. I was told exactly to avoid the bully. I feel so worthless because even after a meeting with HR I don't feel better. Was actually asked to meet with the bully who is a total narcissist, didn't see a big problem and at this moment has refused to the meeting. I have been physically ill for weeks dealing with this issue that has not only happened to me but with other employees. He's a plain jerk. I have tried to find some counseling through my insurance and there's no availability for months. I dread my job that I really actually love. I can't and don't want to leave my job. But in the world we live in today I fear this person. He is absolutely the type to crack and do something horrible. This has damaged me.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

So sorry to hear this. Your mental and physical health is a priority and I see you reached out for support. Talk soon 💕

[@greent3193]

If you want to stop bullying successfully. 1) Audio record throughout your entire shift everyday. 2) When you have illegal harassment consult with a civil attorney. 3) Go to the manager and explain the law. Let them no mobbing, harassment etc is illegal based on race, gender etc and that you have comments recorded. 4) Document everything and let them see you doing it. Include date, time location, who was there what was done or said etc. 5) Tell the abuser you will file a lawsuit against them personally for harassment and present them with a lawyers business card.

[@patriciahill4619]

I've been told all these things in the past and NONEof it EVER worked. The worst is find a different job!

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Yes this is common and there are many possible reasons why this bad advice is so prevalent- one that comes to mind is that people truly think it is the best they can offer because it is what they would do - it is not to fault people, because we are not taught how to be in a space like this - where someone is struggling- Find a different job is also poor advice. Does nothing to solve the issues. Sometimes that is a decision we make as a result of unreasonable workplaces, but as advice, two thumbs down

[@patriciahill4619]

@@tammydunnettleadership and I've left those jobs and had to take the next job out of desperation where it was a complete repeat of the last job. Nothing but the places and faces changed. The issues never got fixed. I was then told I needed to use my voice to speak my truth and stand up for myself by some.trusted friends and family who started seeing a pattern. I also reached a point where I was so fed up with how people were treating me that I felt I would just say the stuff I always wanted to say, but was too afraid to say. I thought that if I was going to go down I'll take somebody with me who was abusing me and have a seckle at least of some.self respect.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

@@patriciahill4619 you share a reality many people, myself included, experience. It has become my understanding that until we do the work ourselves to understand why we are targets, the experience will continue. I hope you are in a better place now.

[@patriciahill4619]

@@tammydunnettleadership I am better where I'm at despite the location leader having it out for me. The higher up managers see the true quality of the work I do and I'm being fairly compensated. This I believe makes the bully jealous. He wants to keep me in line and he's frustrated that I am not controllable; so he tries to create new policies hoping I'll mess up so he can write me up. He threatened recently to give me a bad review, but I got a raise from a higher up instead. The bully continues to try to harm me and I fear that he will never stop trying. **please give me advice not to fall into his trap, etc .

[@Tigerdreama.]

Every job I was bullied every job I was harassed to horrible levels …. But they always fight for me to stay lol …. Like I could scream at someone and they’d give me another chance lol 😂 prolly cause they know I’m targeted non stop

[@Tigerdreama.]

Most the shit they dew is from the deep state anyways 😂 …. I think the deep state is jealous of meh 🫤

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sounds talksick

[@selenem3384]

when narcs know they cannot manipulate you, they see it is a challenge to sometimes try and bully you, they know it will hurt them and they will get their fingers burned in the process. I guess these sad sacks of 💩💩💩 just want to feel something, even if hurting you gets them burned.

[@sharonsharonina3798]

This is so true!

[@rebeccajohnson4232]

Document, Document, Document from day one!

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Important to do, as is finding a way to stay safe and healthy in the process

[@dejapayne7102]

I needed to see this. Thank you ❤

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Hope you are well

[@NeveahTrinity777]

Wow! This video by far has been the most helpful and insightful! The first one about "just ignore it", I get that all the time. It is so frustrating.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thanks for sharing your experience

[@henrymumphrey3363]

Unbelievable! Great video. Each piece of advice had me look at myself and the individual that gave it. Id share but it would be to those that gave it.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thanks - and why not share it anyway, it might spark some self reflection

[@BridgetMermikides]

I have been disrespected, insulted and belittled by a woman at my school for 8 years. I have tried different tactics to deal with her but it never works long term. She thinks she is my boss, she’s not, she simply oversees a few aspects of the department I teach in. She is (wilfully) ignorant about my subject and yet she tries to control and interfere with what I do. She relishes the slightest opportunity to undermine me and she does it to other people too. For the most part I don’t talk to her and rarely reply to her emails as they are usually a ploy to engage me in an interaction where she can gaslight me. I get happier when I am able to avoid her as I love my work but sooner or later it starts again. I only teach in this place 2 days a week but I always feel sick and unsafe when I go in. It is demoralising that I am not appreciated or respected as I am very good at what I do. My other colleagues love me and see my worth which is nice but this one person is emotionally damaging me. I get insomnia and depression and sometimes I’m so angry and frustrated that I feel traumatised.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Is this a place you can leave? Loving your work will only go so far and unless you find a way to protect yourself with boundaries and can shed the fear

[@Randetroit]

I am sorry for your situation! You might try an response to her commands by simply and firmly telling her " I don't report to you! "

[@The3rownie]

This has been happening to me for 7 months, I recently quit just last week I just felt way too uncomfortable to go back and truly isolated. It was an issue an older lady had with me for some reason when I first started and then it spread to the majority of the other people around or her clique so to speak as they were all fake and clearly talking shit as I didn’t even talk to some of them. Quitting in my case wasn’t me giving up, it was me putting myself first and taking back my power. I’m not going to put up with shit and just let people use me for amusement and for a reaction. The supervisor and one of my coworkers told me to ignore it and to not quit but it just really got to me when all I’d hear were condescending things also being said to me by everyone “you sweat a lot do you have a problem? … you seem tired” well no shit I’m on the fastest machine I’m going to be sweating a bit but not anything crazy and it was hot inside because of the heat. The guy I was working for was at the front laughing his ass off with another lady on his line while I worked at the back, I would see everyone exchanging glances with one another and laughing by turning their head away from me and putting on fake smiles all night the day I quit. I explained this incident to the supervisor and she deflected it by saying well you don’t even know they were talking about you, but I’m not stupid. This is just one of the incidents too which is the sad part, one time I had someone leave a trash bin in front of my working station on purpose because when I came back from lunch all I saw was everyone in the corner laughing their asses off. These were people in their 40s and 50s who I felt just wanted me gone and couldn’t believe I was even there for that long. This older lady who first had an issue with me never spoke to me, always had attitude, avoided me as much as possible. Even some people I thought understood my situation and even told me they did were secretly exchanging glances and laughing too. Only 3 coworkers were upset about me leaving and told me not to but it was targeted because people came after me too and still it was something about me they couldn’t stand.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It sounds like it was a challenging environment and you had a mix of issues in the workplace from inexperienced leaders, bad advice, and communication breakdowns. I hope your new work environment is also healthy. Be careful not to take the past experiences with you. My own growth and learning, and my coaching of others, highlights the importance of learning and growing through experience. There is a risk you may be hyper vigilant for behaviors that mimic the past experience, resulting in a more intense response from you than normal

[@terranova3655]

My boss put me in a different department although I learned how to work most machines in a short amount of time (3 months) whereas most employees took an average 4-6 months for one. Last machine I was trained on prior to being moved somewhere else, the person improperly trained me which led to one bad day and an excessive amount of downtime although my downtime wasn’t the worst. I’ve been targeted and sabotaged within the first month of my employment because I was offered a higher position and some people knew about it. Does anyone know why I was moved instead of fired if I’m so problematic and incompetent? Also found out from other people in new apartment that the people who targeted me have also gotten previous employees fired or made them quit. Why are they promoted and treated with favor when they are ultimately going against company’s increase in productivity by harassing and sabotaging efficient employees who are beneficial?

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Hey Terra Nova, is this a union position? It is possible the supervisor/ boss moved you because they recognized you were being treated unfairly and they are trying to reduce issues in the workplace. It may also be because they see potential in you and this move is to help you. One will only know the truth if you ask them about the move

[@reginathomas4478]

They move you so the next department can also sabotage and complain about you. That way they can say we tried to resolve the problem by moving her but she still had issues in the new position. They increase the lies about you but it looks like the truth when others (toxic people) support the lies.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

@@reginathomas4478 THAT is a twisted process - and I know it happens. The best defence is a great offence. I have worked with a client who was dealing with this situation - and we worked to help turn things around

[@maca2451]

THE WORSE IS when HR turn their head the other way and allow bullying this is y don’t trust HR.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Just watched a great video on LI about the problems with HR investigations - 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Not sure this will work … but here it is: www.linkedin.com/posts/tammy-dunnett_employmentlawyer-nyclawyer-njlawyer-activity-7075435986742120448-nBy2?

[@susantomkins8798]

So glad i found this channel Tammy 😊

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thank you 😊

[@ATumblelinaTruth7777]

Thank You 🙏💝

[@tammydunnettleadership]

You are welcome! Have you heard similar bad advice?

[@ATumblelinaTruth7777]

@@tammydunnettleadership Yes and feel forced into ignoring it, because EveryTime I try to address it or get it addressed, I’m shut down, shut up, derailed & It gets worse. They seem to have a huge network of people working together or convinced of who knows what.? I’m actually scared I won’t have my job constantly or that they make my job a hundred times harder and pass me up for promotion. It’s been devastating to say the least. HR is a part of the problems and or protect the company. I’m 55 started over at this job at the bottom only to be constantly pushed back & down. I live in a small town with very few jobs, let alone jobs making more than $8.00 an hour. I have to take so much abuse that it’s effecting my health. The laws in ID protect the landlords & the employers. Thank you for listening. Nowhere to Go 🙁

[@ArtCastaneda]

This was by far the MOST useful video on this topic. This content creator just gets it.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thanks! I lived it so much of my knowledge comes from experience, and I blend my work and research into all that I do

[@AP-fv2in]

At Dormakaba the management were the bullies and wanted every one of their workers to do it with them. I asked management to have it stop. She pulled everyone in that area while I was there and had a meeting so they could pretend they weren't doing it. They then went to HR and HR said they talked to all the people doing it. Those said people said they weren't. They told me I needed psychological help and put me on leave. They then a month later said I could come back if a psychologist checked off a list stating that I was in the wrong. That I was doing something to them instead. Dormakaba HR blames the abused. I was recording them though so now it is all over the Internet. Yep I was the problem by them being disgusting.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Oh gosh! This is an experience that happens too often! I am assuming you have left the company and found a better place to work

[@AP-fv2in]

@@tammydunnettleadership Absolutely!!!!!!

[@bsk6707]

Ok. So true!

[@tammydunnettleadership]

😊

[@writeousrhema]

Great info

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thank you

[@johnorr8094]

It was almost four years before I learned that I was scapegoated and six years to see what my supervisor was doing while she was working in my office. The whole thing still makes me physically sick. In fact, it's been 12 years and this is all I think about.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

So sorry to hear this. The ramifications are far more than people realize. I hope you find peace so you are no longer kept captive by it

[@johnorr8094]

@@tammydunnettleadership I'm still having difficulty landing a job.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

@@johnorr8094 what type of work are you looking for? maybe someone watching will have a tip or a lead

[@johnorr8094]

@@tammydunnettleadership I'm an EMT. I'm working to get my certification current.

[@msbutterflyz]

@@johnorr8094 listen to abraham hicks about workplace bullying. take care

[@randomclips2244]

Thank you for this empowering video. I totally know what it's like to be bullied and then get labelled a troublemaker. Or I've been made to think it won't work! I have been bullied for my sexuality. I chose to ignore it thinking that I was the bigger person and that things would get better. They didn't, they got worse! I had to put with nasty homophobic comments like: "faggot" "poof" or a "poofter". When I requested secret video recording my HR manager told me that that was highly illegal. Despite me telling him that undercover workers used this method to bring abusers in care homes to justice!

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Oh my goodness! Sounds like a horrible situation.

[@nancyadams9228]

I documented thoroughly and over a period of time. Then I called the union and the EEOC.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

I hope it works. My hunch is it won’t be a quick win - long investigations, mediation, lots of potential for frustration

[@mikeandnancydeluca5162]

Thank you for your advice. What do you do (besides quitting) when a manager is the bully?

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Have a “reset” conversation .. keep eyes open for new job opportunities if nothing changes

[@shellymarlenemartin2779]

Thank you. Very sensible advice. I’m dealing with a really nasty work bully who is clearly very jealous about my recent promotion. She’s already been in the managers radar as a trouble maker with other coworkers. But today she called me a retard at work and said numerous other untrue demeaning things. (Repeatedly). Even in front of witnesses. I reported it. I know she used to be in the foster care system but sadly, she should get therapy instead of unleashing her anger and lack of self worth on her coworkers. I refuse to tolerate disrespect in the workplace. This woman has issues and she isn’t interested in getting along. She always escalates minor things into huge dramas at work. Fortunately this was already a problem with various coworkers prior to today so this time she’s not getting away with it. I refuse to lie and say that I will just get along, (since she’s made it so clear she is only interested in abusing others). I told my upper management that I don’t feel safe working with her due to her repeated aggressive behavior. Others have also reported her. She’s sinking her own ship. Total unlikable bully narcissist.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Unfortunately bullies are everywhere- what she said is unacceptable. While a persons upbringing and life circumstances may yield insights into why people act the way they do - that does not mean their actions are to be tolerated. I believe everyone can learn, and it takes a village to help sometimes Reporting it is one step. Now while you wait for the organization to do something (which they may never do) turn your focus to where you do have power. Walk away, tell them you don’t accept their criticism, model the behaviour you want from others I have a download called 101 scripts on my website

[@annamillan2903]

So true. What can be done?

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Depends on what you are experiencing. It may be a ‘clear the air’ conversation, a calm consistent boundary, a new job, a team approach - if you share some specifics, I might have more relevant support

[@hanifjones4914]

Someone who finally gets it

[@purplerabbit7190]

This video started really interesting and true but ended up with very poorly. A leader you have to approach isn’t skilled up will continue to destroy you.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

That is why I train and teach skills

[@purplerabbit7190]

I am sorry but I was annoyed at one point and stopped listening. I will go back and listen to the end. My son is dealing with a work place where they refuse to listen to him. They know that they can get away with denial. My son has pointed out areas of improvement they need to correct regarding health and safety violations and more. He is a threat due to his work ethic and their negligence they bullied him out of the door.

[@richardpeel6056]

In a place I worked the company policy was that bullying was banned and did not happen so anyone that complained of bullying was a liar. Furthermore anyone who reacted whilst allegedly being bullied was subject to disciplinary action. I developed a new form of martial art which is to stay calm, stay still and wait to be be hit. The bullies went to management and admitted threatening to beat me up and complaining that I had stood still and should therefore be disciplined as I had reacted to bullying. One complained that in pushing past me she had hurt herself on my elbow and this was an assault, it was an ambush, she'd been waiting for me to reach the doorway out of a narrow passage. The 2 pieces of bad advice you gave apply not to the victim of bullying but to the witness of bullying, ignore it, don't report it and try to get on, you won't get bullied but the bullies now control you. Your solutions don't work, the bullies face zero consequences for their actions and may eventually cause the closure of an entire factory as people that join the bullies become exempt from doing useful work.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Your situation is horrible and I hope you have found a better place to work

[@Krlowanigu-mg6eg]

You are right.

[@tammywazup9830]

Im worried about references. I have woked so hard and done so much for these ingrates. I am scared that I will end up getting a bad reference because they have made it look like Im a problem. I really am shocked that people spend so much time trying to bring others down to falsely raise themselves.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It is possible - and it can also surprise you. Plan to address this in an interview- using the START method, you can talk about the situation, your task, awareness, results and take away

[@zrdm6482]

My bully succeeded in smoking me reputation- ended with me not being there to do paperwork on my own time and production setbacks escalating to an 8 figure loss of income. My bully lost his job, my boss and his job had their careers hit. And it took a year to whittle an 8 figure hit to the spreadsheets to 'managable' mid 7 figure financial hit.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Gosh - this sounds like a nightmare!

[@hazelrobinson3682]

I was told I was being paranoid, this was HR. The manager seem to be encouraging this behaviour

[@tammydunnettleadership]

That’s a red flag! What did you do?

[@hazelrobinson3682]

@@tammydunnettleadership left saying anything else, thinking may be I was, six months down the line, I am hoping to start new job next month. It has just got worse. I have found out, last October when I was off. The MD complained about the bully who covered my work. Explains alot, only fours weeks left there, I am not joking, I am scared but at least light at end of the tunnel

[@coreyanderson7424]

The most common advice online is stuff like, Just be calm, professional and even ignore it. Just be a great worker, document. It doesn't work. In my experience dealing with it immediately did. So, being positive, trying to alter your attitude etc. Not gonna work in most cases. Yes, be professional. Yes, don't let them make you cry, or engage in arguing. But that isn't enough in most cases. Report it immediately asap. The good news is, employers (many) are posting notices in break rooms called Worplace Bullying, with labor dept. info.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thanks for sharing your experience. There is a huge shift underway and employers and employees are more aware of bully behaviors

[@coreyanderson7424]

@@tammydunnettleadership I just saw and read your response. Thanks!

[@AnthonyManzio]

I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.d

[@cwwmillwork]

When i tried to stand up to the bully, i was accused of harassment. I like the tips.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It can happen - the reflection is “what could I have done differently that may have changed the outcome”; and were you able to walk away and feel good with what you said?

[@cwwmillwork]

@@tammydunnettleadership unfortunately, nothing I can do differently other than find another job. Management supports the bully. It's not a healthy place to work.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

That is sometimes the hard reality

[@vicentaflores6963]

It does get worse.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

With bad advice? It sure does. If you want a different outcome, you have to try something different

[@jimgillert20]

My personal experience and reading these comments and they can't figure out why people bring firepower to work.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Self awareness is a skill

[@CarlJunior1111]

Very sound advice for members of corporations.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

And those in private practices too

[@shahilagh]

I work at university and I am professor. Nobody listens to the one who is being abused. Everyone is afraid of their consequences. I think it is not costly to ask a distressed person, how are you after that day? Nobody asks. Doesn’t exist madam. And I see a lot of these over the years. When bully happens and puts knife on your back to people who r having a chronic illness and in pain and when they are hurt they can’t have even energy to raise it, it becomes trauma. I held this trauma for four years. My health improved and again this happened from the same person- happened before too- but this time. I am facing her and recognise she is dying to knock me down . But this time she passed my red lines and I am to stand focused on my boundaries. It feels so healthy to feel anger which I didn’t for five years. I am afraid five years ago I was not in a condition to stand up. I was new. I was not physically strong beyond my activities even doing them with challenge. so I fawn and she was always showing those traits . This time I stood up about something which is my right and she was distressed….. And did the same thing she did five years ago but now I have resources and leveraged that and still I know she will bite me but I stand ….

[@tammydunnettleadership]

I agree people are afraid - and while we make progress, it never seems fast or far enough. Good for you for finding new ways to deal with the situation.

[@shahilagh]

it is a courageous act to be human in this world. a simple act of greeting for someone who is your colleague does not even mean one is in trouble. but this is the timid characteristic of most humans I v seen. and I do not understand why . there was a movie called "general daughter" .. where the girl becomes naked in front of her narcisstic dad, saying I wish I could fuck up with your mind, meaning I wish I knew what s in your head while doing these things @@tammydunnettleadership

[@BlaineGag]

I always feel awkward at jobs like everyone is talking about me ….. and it is that way ….. it’s called stalking a target …. Always been mobbed at jobs …. Always looked down upon …. All lies …. I’m braver than them all realistically …. I have no shades .

[@BlaineGag]

Usually bully’s will talk shit non stop ….. I know I could kick someone’s ass tho pretty easy ….. if need be :….

[@BlaineGag]

They love to scramble u off your game ….

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Sometimes

[@AnthonyManzio]

I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.c

[@jisaac2052010]

Yes on number 1

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Common

[@artraft5142]

I wish companies would publish in their website the set of values they preach and then to be up to the person to select the values that are best aligned to their personal beliefs. Like .. would people like the values of companies such as Procter, Unilever or Reckitt ?

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It has been my experience that a companies values and mission / vision can be found on their website

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

What they write is beyond meaningless

[@SonyavanderWalt]

Hi I enjoyed your video. I have tried clicking on the free resource of scripts of what to say in certain situations. However, it says it’s expired. Is there anyway of getting this another way?

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thanks for letting me know - head to www.tammydunnett.com/thetalkshop

[@tammywazup9830]

By the grace of God, the team of bullies is being split up this year, quitting, moving. The main instigator is in admin but hopefully she focuses on other areas now. I just have to keep going, ignoring some stuff and commenting on others like I continue to care, remaining professional to the end. Meanwhile I feel broken and that I could give a care. Any specific comments to my last ditch efforts?

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Maybe work with a coach ;). It can be incredibly powerful when you have a safe space to look at the issues. A few days ago someone reached out bc they were ready to quit and with some adjustments in their approach - they have shifted the entire relationship. Cant say this happens for everyone- but having a skilled partner work with you can be the difference

[@Niki-mp8qe]

Whether you decide to be quiet or speak up i find most of the time if there is favouritism between management/supervisors/co workers it wont make a difference either way, once you are targeted that is generally it, a bully is a bully

[@tammydunnettleadership]

A true bully - yes, the problem is most “bullies” are not intentionally trying to hurt people. When 85% of offensive behaviors stop with a conversation- we know that people will change

[@Krlowanigu-mg6eg]

No, they know perfectly what they do.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Notice the quotes - what we call a bully is often a bully-like or bad day behaviour. Left unaddressed, these can become chronic issues, and even those chronic behaviors can change. Speaking from experience

[@rrodriguez8877]

I really want to schedule a consultation call. What link can I complete that request

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Hi! I would be happy to talk. calendly.com/relationshiprevolution/samplecoaching

[@johnorr8094]

I was told there will be dire consequences for me if I try to resolve a dispute with my previous place of work.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Interesting

[@johnorr8094]

@@tammydunnettleadership I have never heard of anyone being threatened with punishment for trying to resolve a dispute. It's the craziest thing I ever heard. It implies that the person who said it, knows more about the dispute and will be directly hurt if things were to "slip."

[@tammydunnettleadership]

@@johnorr8094 it makes me wonder if it is the "how" things were being resolved versus the goal of resolution. I am imaging that resolution would be a common goal among all parties (makes sense both organizationally and individually) but somewhere the goals were lost in feeling a threat

[@sqrfoot6548]

What about mums in the yard at school. I took a misstep due to anxiety and acted a little weird one time and now all the mums think I'm a nutbag. Impacts my kids and I'm stuck. No management no help

[@tammydunnettleadership]

What have you tried already?

[@sqrfoot6548]

@@tammydunnettleadership I've basically kept my head down, looked for exits, and avoided contact. I probably have a look of fear in my eye. Social anxiety is awful. I'd like to just be relaxed and engage in short easy going conversations regardless of being snubbed. I hope slowly change my reputation by just showing up, but fear I'm a little too weak and emotionally fragile to pull it off.

[@marlenemeyers7163]

I spoke up and was told I’m a fn liar by the boss so say no more as I put resumes out

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Not a good boss. Best to leave

[@Darci3333]

Its bad when the main suprrvisor is the leader of the Mob Bully Pack....

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It is - and likely a sign to transfer / leave

[@JesusSaves77799]

Hi! I tried clicking the link to access the “50 Scripted Responses” document. I entered my name and email address and it said to click to download the link. I did that but then it said, “Access Denied” in tiny print at the top of the screen. Would you be able to help with this? Thank you!! 💖

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Hmmm let me check things out. If you can email me [e-mail], I can send it to you directly

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Another option is to check your email - you get an email right away with a link (the link in the email seems to be working)

[@JesusSaves77799]

@@tammydunnettleadership Hi! I don’t think that I got the email either, but it could have been my internet connection. I will email you! Thank you so much!! 🙏🙏

[@TEAMHYBRID007]

My opinion on this particular subject is you need to tread very lightly what happens is if the unsuspecting party picks up on what you're doing they will destroy you hard job as empaths is to prepare the people in the surroundings for imminent Doom it is important to make sure they are not directly involved indirectly assured of the results we need to do something as a group in human kind to dissolve this toxic behavior that is infiltrating everything in society only we can do it those that can see it understand it breathe feel see and understand what could go wrong will go wrong without people that understand this Society tends to crumble our job is to keep people happy understand why they keep people happy

[@tammydunnettleadership]

It will take all of us to be the change. Work Cultures are created and if we are not participating in the design, or redesign, them we are objects that will be acted upon

[@user-qv7vi2ls6j]

Wishing everyone on here Peace in 2024 🎉 stay strong Stay healthy🎉

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Thank you

[@kameshiam1674]

I worked for a group where the manger needed the bully so she ignored what she did. Since the bully was very knowledgeable, everyone followed her. Since i asked the bully questions and gave honest answers, she made sure that she made me a pariah. I once caught her talking about a coworker because he was gay....and he never told us cuz it was none of our business. So when i caught her, i said i hate this...meaning her comment. She told everyone that i said i hated the gay guy. SHE TWISTED MY WORDS!! and the guy believed her. He was mad at me for a whole year...until she outted him in front of everyone! Even though i was mad at him for believing her lie, i welcomed him when he came to me about what she did. I told him everything that happened when we no longer worked at that office. Luckily, we are still friends now.

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Your experience is not uncommon - but we are working on making it less common :)

[@KellieCW69]

I thought you were going to give advice what to say but at the end after all the buildup you said “get this resource”… frustrating

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Yes. The resource gives you 10 statements to stop 10 different offensive behaviors- thats a lot to out into one video

[@tonyahenley3964]

Yeph

[@tammydunnettleadership]

What else have you heard?

[@doulasc]

I work for UPS and its always wrong

[@tammydunnettleadership]

What would make it better?

[@TEAMHYBRID007]

You are absolutely an INTP your job and mine best to do the right thing we struggle to show what is important and also what is just We Are The Underdogs unfortunately Society doesn't approve that is not a reason to stop doing the correct thing and doing the just in righteous thing to help others improve their lives it is societies retrospective belief it is important to be the Dick and Jane of society it doesn't exactly work that way we are Americans we believe everybody has a chance to do the correct thing let us do the correct thing and leave us alone

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Oh I have been labelled many a thing - lol, this is the first to hear INTP. I am sure there are many characteristics and I am so much more :)

[@BlaineGag]

Sometimes they’ll try to make u laugh …. To weaken u more … or before u leave as a ti …. Make u feel soft or weak to weaken u …. Run away from that bullshit …. There in their cars waiting to strike …. Be serious

[@tammydunnettleadership]

There are many tactics

[@SonOfTheIsle]

I'm too worthless to exist

[@tammydunnettleadership]

Yikes! Sounds like you need a hug