Prepare for the 1:1 Ambush Meeting

WBI Webinar 4. Without knowing what lies ahead, attending a hastily-called meeting by your bully can cost you your job. This 33 min. educational lesson can make all the difference for your career. Delivered by Dr. Gary Namie of the Workplace Bullying Institute.

[@Itme]

This should have more views. Bullies just don't stop in grade school. They turn into adults.

[@goudagirl6095]

they turn into managers and bosses and VPs and CEOs....

[@Itme]

@@goudagirl6095 a m e n !

[@aurum8766]

Perfect phrase

[@BL-no7jp]

Great quotation on your take on bullies and it’s true.

[@justinsjourney3224]

I'm a guy with alot of confidence and nievely thought everyone just wanted everyone to have a happy life. I uh.... definitely experience some super wild workplace bizzarness and it took me a while to figure out what was even happening.

[@historylover9999]

😂 exactly that happened to me too

[@Carmen-.-]

I also experienced the unnecessary nonsense at work. They all like to smile and pretend nothing is happening.

[@williamlevy6964]

Happened to me too. It's always old, ugly men who are bitter that the young attractive men get women's attention. That or it's women with a stick up their arse.

[@lifespanwellnessbeauty-60i64]

I had a termination without notice or cause, after months of bullying. They tried to get me to quit but I never would. I knew what was going on but I was determined to get unemployment. They couldn't say I was fired for misconduct and being fired without cause means I was eligible for unemployment. The company still had to pay me for 20 weeks. I say stand your ground, if they want you to leave make them pay.

[@439bananas]

Well done to you, at least they had to pay, good luck with your next job.

[@DerAua]

"Make them pay". I love it.

[@adiscourse9489]

I did this exact thing.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

Yep, this is what I've done. .several times.

[@onetabbymouthatbedtime8719]

Yep! That's my advice. Stay strong, stand your ground and get your little unemployment benefits and look for another job you love!!

[@Dusty338]

A valuable piece of advice I once received was: "Don't defend your conduct, press for specifics". I was called into an ambush meeting exactly like what is described in this video, and it centered around false claims ie: "concerns from coworkers". I pressed my supervisor (under the watchful eye of the ever-present HR rep lurking in the corner of his office) into providing me with specific details of the accusations. And by specific I mean dates, exact times, any witnesses who may have observed the events in question. I shifted the burden of proof entirely onto my supervisor, and humorously enough, he wasn't able to provide me with these details. I basically told him to prove it and he couldn't do it. I was honestly surprised at how quickly he was disarmed. I continued to push for more details too, emailing his boss and the HR rep's boss asking for this information to be presented to me. Guess what happened? I didn't get a response and haven't heard of the issue since!

[@SongofaBeach2012]

That's ingenious actually

[@ufoufo9182]

I hope I remember to do this in the future.

[@YoYo-gt5iq]

Regarding the emotional hate letter, I once almost sent a 3 a.m. email to my old boss. I kept it in draft and when I looked at it a month later it sounded like it was written by a crazy person. In the moment, I thought I wrote the most coherent and sensible thing anyone has ever written.

[@gretchencline5124]

yep. been there done that. Thank you for this valuable information for anyone who has never experienced this. Bullies don’t change. They are basically assholes who enjoy doing this sort of thing. I used to be so naive thinking that “collaboration” and “team work” would help. Don’t buy into all those “buzz” words that the “uppers” will say to smooth things over. THEY DONT CHANGE! It’s like an abusive relationship. Get out and RUN FOREST RUN! 😂

[@jenne8180]

Amen!

[@SuperCastilloe]

It first starts with your boss ignoring you followed by breathing over your shoulder with the intent to find fault in your work and cherry on icing is the PIP. This leaves you gas lighted and questioning your every move paranoid and backtracking your every word. It’s a horrendous thing to have to go thru .

[@MsPriyaLal]

Yes, Next thing you know its like you can't do anything right.. You start questioning if you are special needs or something.. Been there.. If I could go back in time to my ambush meeting I would give him the finger and a piece of my mind and walk off into the sunset...

[@sarahs5340]

Exactly!

[@pirateslife4me]

This! Going through it right now

[@rahm-a-llama]

@@pirateslife4meme too

[@melissagreen_]

@@pirateslife4me It can be hard to do, but you have to remember it isn't about you, it's about a toxic workplace, which breeds these types of interactions, plain and simple.

[@mariahg4561]

I was ambushed by two doctors in a medical office. Took notes, remained as calm as possible, and listened more than I spoke. I survived!

[@kendrabennett2843]

I'm going to be tomorrow!😳🤗 I'm going to just take notes, and listen.

[@onetabbymouthatbedtime8719]

Im going through the same thing RIGHT now! Wish me luck. My meeting is in 2 hours.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

@@onetabbymouthatbedtime8719 how did it go? did you get audio?

[@elenaalmonte3382]

Kendra Bennett oowoiwewte

[@manumusa9224]

This happens in labor unions too. BULLIES NEED TO BE FIRED , PERIOD.

[@notagain4193]

I have been bullied and this is exactly what happened. These are good tactics. But what he does not include is if you manage to corner the bully, they will turn on a dime and shower you will Oh you are misunderstanding me, we are not trying be against you. and act as if you are imagining everything.

[@silentjellybean]

@rocky mountain lass Classic psychopathy :) to make the target think they are the problem

[@nikiblossom6646]

Is true

[@then35t18]

That's called gaslighting

[@KarmasAbutch]

Exactly and after they’ve engaged in gaslighting you for standing up for yourself they’ll simply redouble their efforts in other areas and reduce the types of things you may be able to document more easily. It never ends. I have PTSD now.

[@captainnemo2150]

No they just deny everything...or smile.

[@somedudem8]

The cost of bullying is why I don't understand why companies not only allow bullying but enhance/promote the bullies.

[@shrimpie69]

I've been in this environment for about 2 years. Had to hire an employment attorney to prevent my own suicide. I've never been spoken to or treated this way in my entire life.

[@jenniferbyrne2980]

I am so sorry... nobody deserves that

[@f50koenigg]

Can you elaborate what happened after hiring an attorney? They did they stop bullying you or it gotten worse? Did you leave the job and file case afterwards?

[@shrimpie69]

@@f50koenigg I was terminated and then filed.

[@f50koenigg]

@@shrimpie69 What happened? I wanna learn from your experience.

[@matt3272]

No one would stand with me...I heard a lot of other people who would complain also, but when I asked for their help, they dropped tail and ran away. I was alone.

[@alanakosher4199]

matt3272 I know the feeling. It surprises me how people, who asks you to stand up for theirs & yours long term bullying... by the very same people, is quick to turn on you, when you finally do. Idk if they have more to lose but it just doesn't make any sense. I feel betrayed by their coward ways and annoyed by their fakeness. Their speech was, " People can't do whatever they want, or say whatever they want and if enough people speak up, maybe we can have a change." This doesn't just costs the company money, productivity but lives.

[@rozchristopherson648]

matt3272 Coworkers often complain but are afraid to speak up. They’re afraid they’ll lose their jobs or be labeled as troublemakers.

[@CupcakeExplosion]

This is overwhelmingly the case for targets. I'm sorry this happened to you too.

[@TM-10-py7ji]

Roz Christopherson yes. That’s why I thought it odd to get the others involved. Heck some were likely in on it.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I learned that the hard way, too. People will always look out for themselves and protect themselves above you. Work 'friendships' are not real friendships.

[@janetDT1904]

Thank you, Dr Namie for this. My ambush is in 3 days. I'm up at 3am watching this as I can't sleep any more. It's been so hard at work since I lodged a complaint about Management bullying me.

[@prentfaiyaz]

What happened

[@2ndChapter911]

Hope it worked out

[@clincpb8903]

I am afraid that management people never acknowledge their bullying.

[@Dusty338]

I'm surprised they gave you 3 days notice of the ambush. At my company its "hey, can you meet me in the office". No notice or reason is ever given.

[@maggie0285]

If it gets to this point then your mental health is already destroyed. You won't have the energy to do all of this. In my meeting my immediate manager sat in the corner and didn't say a word while upper management tore me apart for an hour. Your option is to get up and walk out. I should have listened to my intuition. I seen the signs. The plant manager made his move to fire me because I didn't return his call on my day off because I told my boss I didn't trust him. 4 years of employment gone. They try and make it look like they are trying to help you but whenever they start having you sign papers just save yourself and leave. It's painful I know. But the sooner you see the signs the less painful it will be. Managers stick together. I never understood why they do this when all I cared about was seeing the company succeed. But some managers have huge egos and everything that truly matters gets tossed out the window. Just leave and take care of yourself. You will feel better.

[@tanjara9793]

Kimberly K Same story here. Worst is that there really is nobody having your back, HR and managers are all sitting in one boat. I also sometimes blame myself I didn't get myself out of the situation before it came to the PIP as I had this guy feeling for quite some time that something bad was going to happen.

[@maggie0285]

Keep your chin up! You are a good person.

[@BattleFirstAidResponderServ]

Angela L I just got hired at a new employer and they used this same tactic on me 4 weeks after I was hired. Constantly, I get asked by my coworkers, what kind of experience do you have for such an opportunity to work in an hospital. I completely agree with the same feelings that he is stating in the video.

[@nylaspeaks7272]

Angela L I need my job

[@MrLeonightis]

LaTasha Williams We all need our job, that’s not the point. Completely understand that finance must be adhered to. But it comes down to your mental health.

[@kirkpeters8043]

These bullies are insecure cowards. Most have accomplished next to nothing in their lives or were born on third base convinced they hit a triple. Stand your ground and take what you need from your employment. Their actions reveal everything about them and nothing about you.

[@KarmasAbutch]

Nobody cares what got “revealed” about bullies in hostile workplaces - you just get labelled a whistleblower and trouble maker and retaliated against until you crack or quit. If you invoke their own anti bullying policies, the bullying just moves further up the chain because now upper management hate you to for exposing their own incompetence... which also still doesn’t change.

[@QoraxAudio]

You're basically describing almost every rich person 😅

[@kirkpeters8043]

@@KarmasAbutch I used the word revealed for your own peace of mind. Of course nothing will change except maybe for the worst. These bullies are in place with the endorsement of management not because of incompetence. So stand your ground and don't crack or quit until the job has served your purposes. Or, force them, with their tortured cowardly logic, fire your ass. Like you said, "Who cares?"

[@cherrylow9818]

Bullies are everywhere so ignore them.

[@cherrylow9818]

@@KarmasAbutch True. Depends on the type of Bullies. Management don’t like weak cry babies & they don’t really care or have the time. Most employees get along

[@willowmadhuridixit8991]

I went through this for years. I had no idea of what it was at the time. Everything in this video is absolutely correct. My bullying at work caused me to attempt suicide. I took them to tribunal and lost, as they lied. My manager was someone who did everything whilst there were no witnesses around. I lost my job, house and car repossessed. I still have PTSD about the abuse.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

There are things that can be done. ..

[@fastenol1]

Dear Lord!! I am So Sorry to hear this! I believe the world is in a great transition right now, and all the D~Bags in positions above us will be escorted off to where God sends them, but Away from Good people like you who know what life is supposed to be. Either way, you will be Victorious soon. Keep your armor up and Faith even higher!

[@pennykent5687]

@@fastenol1 You're kind to say this. I double what you said here as well. These kinds of people are evil Narcissists/Psychopaths who many companies Love to hire to cause harm to employees. Evil. Willow, my heart is with you. 💓🙏

[@fastenol1]

Robin Lindberg, I was up too late looking at jobs near home too. The place is making me crazy! Pra

[@KarmasAbutch]

Same thing, Ive been off on disability with PTSD for 3 years and its about to run out and send me back to ground zero... when I wake up every morning my first moment is the tears at realization of what my life has now become and I spend the rest of the day trying to get my mood stable and come back to the present today... only to start the whole process again tomorrow. It’s hell. Did you have constant intrusive thoughts and memories of incidents where you keep trying to defend yourself to them and win? Because this is one of my worst symptoms I’d do anything to make it stop and not being able to leaves me in some pretty dark places at times.

[@TheButterygoodness]

This is textbook what happened to me. I just settled a very large class action lawsuit with the company on wage and break violations. Almost a million dollars- the feeling is fabulous

[@dannym6552]

what were the violations, congrats

[@TheButterygoodness]

Sorry for the late reply! LOL I'm in CA and their violations were against both federal laws and state laws. Employees need to know that it only takes ONE time that is provable to be considered. People think bad practices have to be ongoing but they don't. (Learned this from my attorney). My case started with 'interrupted' breaks/lunches'. My boss and co-workers would come into the break room with questions, work issues, order issues etc while I was off the clock CONSTANTLY! I was also asked to work before or after I clocked in/out. NOTE: I was at this company for over a decade and watched other people put on monthly salary after they were hourly for a few years. I had a shit manager who refused my supervisors request to put me on salary multiple times because it would mean a significant pay increase. This 'little' increase would have negated most of what the lawsuit entailed, adding up to less than 10k extra per year. Being a salaried employee over an hourly employee would have made much of my lawsuit moot. Instead, they had to pay nearly 800K in fines, pay my attorney fees and because it was a class action lawsuit my coworkers who qualified got a decent chunk of change. Note to my former employer- if you treated me with just a little dignity and respect instead of perp-walking me out to my car after firing me, you wouldn't have been sued. Sorry you closed 2 of your 8 locations, laid off 40 employees... They deserved better and so did I. Treat your employees well and they won't sue you.

[@leanne123]

@@TheButterygoodness Fantastic. I respect you immensely. ❤️

[@1SavageQueen89]

@@TheButterygoodnessGood job for standing up for yourself

[@lightandvibrations6052]

This is exactly what happened to me. Because I would not quit, they found a trumped up way to fire me. Get this, I am an HR Manager!! It is absolutely ridiculous that people who just want to come to work and do a great job have to go through this. A part of it is they are threatened that you are doing your job too well. Everyone should get this type of training to be able to recognize these tactics. When I brought the bullying policy up the. owner of the company stated that he did not approve a workplace antibullying policy and that he would get a lawyer involved because he did not authorize it. I had never heard of such an absurd thing. The meeting became all about me and what I had done to make the person mad?? I could believe this.

[@nanrussell3919]

This is so crazy! This is happening to me step by step that you mentioned. Wow...

[@catfish1260]

For me the meeting wasn't scheduled. I got a call requesting me in my bosses office, when I got there they said close the door. I knew what was coming. My box was packed and under my desk for months. They came out of the gate hard with aggressive questions to set the tone of impatience with me. Put me on the defensive. I sat quiet. I answered all questions with one word or very short answers. When they were done I said Me: The next time we have a meeting like this you'll be letting me go, yes? Them: Yes Me: I would be wise to speak my mind now would I not? Them: Yes Me: May I speak freely? Them: Yes What Happened Next: As I began speaking I was immediately interpreted by a clearly defensive postured manager. (I was off the ropes and had him on the ropes) I looked at him square and raised my voice a bit. I allowed you to speak, It's my turn, you will sit and listen. The two of them looked shocked and sat back in there chair. I spoke my mind from a let me go now, I'll be working on Monday someplace else as a consultant. Neither one of you have my back and I'm left to stand up for myself. Taking shit from people is not in my job description. Never will be. That was 3 years ago, I'm still with the company. My box is unpacked.

[@MrLeonightis]

catfish1260 exactly never grovel

[@wap9137]

catfish1260 Wow!!!!

[@user-jv1cl2fs6m]

LOVE IT! I'd love to hear your entire story!

[@1SavageQueen89]

Good job standing your ground!😊

[@matt3272]

I was told that maybe I needed to look for another career. They completely "forgotten" I had been doing my job for more than 30 years.

[@spirituallyawake5019]

I was mob bullied at one hotel I worked for..the ordeal still saddens me 2 years later..classic bully tactics..I didn't at first realise I was centre of attention to the bullies..How grown men and women get a thrill from mentally tormenting another is so sad..I'm disabled now..and in a way I feel relieved I will never have to go through that torment again

[@JustMe-ob3nw]

I am so sorry you went through this. I go through the same situation at this place I work. Since I started there this thought comes to my mind often. What makes these people behave this way? How come adults can feed off a situation like this? The only explanation I have is that these people are miserable, unhappy low spirits..

[@mousr76]

It is amazing how predictable bullies are. This is spot on! Almost as if he was following my story. I wish I would have seen this before it happened to me. I had 4 bullies and lost many friends who I thought were "quality" people. My whole world turned upside town in 6 months. Why? Over pettiness, insecurity, and assumptions. It almost destroyed me mentally. Thankfully, I have a strong family support system. It is still devastating to me, because I lost two friends who I thought would be life-long friends. But, i don't feel too bad...because I just lost two people who obviously didn't give a shit about me and those two people lost someone who honestly loved them in this world.

[@dannym6552]

@@DM-nj9vw see a lawyer for advice

[@serenity503]

This couldn't have come at a better time, because I have been bullied for months at a job i started in January. I soon realized they were building a case for me...writing me up for one thing after another. Not only. are the managers bullies, but they enlist the help of their friends who are under them to make the case. I am going to be called to the dreaded meeting on Monday with HR and it will be them tearing me apart again, not letting me speak or defend myself and then trying to get me to sign my 3rd and final warning. One more write up and they will fire me unless Hr decides otherwise in the meeting. I asked HR today if I can appeal it and she said I would have 7 days to do this. I feel like this manager has been there so long that I won't stand a chance, but I hate the fact that they are basically pushing me out of the organization and refusing to let me transfer since I have these "occurrences". While I think this video is spot on, it's really disheartening that the message is basically you won't win or be able to keep your job.

[@MsTuliplady]

Wow. I cant thank you enough for this eye opener. I have a boss that demeans and bullies me. Since Day 2. The people trying to convince me to stay are the ones that dread having to bear the brunt of being the next punching bag if I leave. Im cleaning up my resume. You are right, it doesnt get better. Been at new job just a few months. Pays well, but its a painful paycheck

[@johnyk3185]

In case you are fully decided on quitting, just make sure to get your boss fired as well.

[@squ1dTr1cksandclouds]

Omg I can so relate to what you're saying!!

[@OK-wb1dy]

There’s a book called Something Happened by Joseph Heller. In that book I remember he wrote about adversarial meetings held behind “… closed doors in offices…”.

[@kdiamond3623]

I’m retired 6 months now thankfully. I was always a high performer in a job that held individuals senior to me accountable for their actions and the actions of their direct reports. It was a recipe for bullying when those individuals were under performers. My doing my job was impactful to the company’s bottom line and the individual’s personal and departmental performance. I was a target of bullying tactics in every stipulation where that individual was a lower performer OR my boss was a lower performer and allowed it to happen and continue. The final situation found both of those combined creating the perfect storm. It finally drove me into retirement. What you described is a textbook of exactly what happens.

[@tanjara9793]

Oh my God. This exact situation happened to me 2 days ago. The 'development plan ' for 4 weeks they called it. I cannot put in words how extremely humiliated I felt in their. Bully managers and organisations seem to have quite a pattern.

[@tanjara9793]

Brandon Boom Just read this. Nothing so far. Sick leave. After that clearly finding a way an agreement for me leaving the company.

[@katiej8295]

Tanja Rautner Same, honey ❤❤❤❤

[@tanjara9793]

Katie J I hope you're alright? Did it happen recently? In my case my lawyer is negotiating with the company and they want me to sign a non disparagement agreement lol. Of course. Not going to sign.

[@mspixiedust100]

+Tanja Rautner How did you find a lawyer?

[@cyberax99able]

I was also given the same sort of plan after bring bullying up lol I'm from South Africa so it seems to be a pattern world wide

[@justinevirtue1755]

This happened to me over 10 years ago. HR both corporate and local were in collusion. A co-worker (my supervisor) kept me informed. I got out. My co-worker stayed and eventually had a breakdown that almost cost his life. The psychiatric community needs to get a clue about complex PTSD, or C-PTSD and being bullied at work. I suppose if there's no billing code available it doesn't exist!

[@mspixiedust100]

Healthy Workplace Bill. Our legislators need to support and vote for it.

[@MzShonuff123]

I work with psychologists all day. They're all bullies at work. Very narcissistic.

[@treatmenice1564]

well said

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I made sure to use up every single one of my free EAP appointments (becase of course, they assumed I was the one with a mental problem - which you do get when you work for psychos!)...and after about 3 sessions, the therapist said, "So your main problem is that your boss is an a--hole." WOW!! How powerful to just have that acknowledged. She said that she had to have a diagnosis to complete treating me, but she was really awesome.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@MzShonuff123unfortunately I know this too - I’ve experienced grotesque behaviours.

[@seichorn4079]

wish I had this info 15 years ago. here's how I handled it. I told them to reschedule the meeting so I could have my attorney present. I was "demoted" and half my job was given to someone else. but they didnt try to fire me again.

[@cherrylow9818]

Work place policies have changed a lot since 15 years ago.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Good tip to write ''under protest'' if you have to sign something you don't want to have to sign.

[@user-he1pp9gh1l]

Thank you!! You helped me with a bully Ambush that happened today. You gave me strength to do what I needed to do. My friend in HR was actually on the side of the bully. Can you imagine..I am ready to fight and then move on...

[@hospitaladministrator3359]

HR is never your friend!! Ever!!!

[@davidtrail2696]

My boss found out the hard way I was someone not to mess with. I may have lost the war but I won the f""k out of the battle!

[@drlarrymitchell]

This scenario, with the false courtesy, is to triangulate the victim. They will lie, and then look you in the eye denying it when there is a witness.

[@hotstitch1]

I had an Ambush Mtg as a relative at a nursing care facility. Exact in every way. I knew and prepared. Recorded it all and transcribed everything. Best thing I ever did. Learned everyone's position. Stated firmly that I wanted Mum out with numerous examples of concerns. Kept calm all the way through. Finally I got her out of there into a good facility. Focus on the best outcome for you and how best to achieve that NOT on defending all the allegations against you..

[@kdlofty]

I lost my job and probably career in march due to pre concieved lies. My operations manager stopped the first investigation due to it being innappropriate (The people taking it had a personal interest) I then filed a complaint against my immediate boss (The original investigation they tried to get it done in a few days and me out of the door before anyone above knew about it. I asked who would be at the second meeting, and informed them that i wouldn't be attenting if they didn't disclose who was going to be there. they didn't reply). Then the second investigation started. As a result I've had two full on nervous breakdowns, and one incident where i came within a hair's breadth of taking my life. I'm now on medication and undergoing counselling. They also harrassed me and defamed my name and character afterwards. The one point i would make, is to treat ANY unscheduled short notice meeting as an ambush meeting. And when they ask you are you ok to continue? You answer No. And leave the ball in there park.

[@kekfreedomheritage5633]

You hit many points on the head on the tactics. Ironically, it appears companies and persons who use these tactics are constantly acting like they are righteous and they are not doing anything inappropriate,. Also, if a person asks questions, they seem to avoid giving any clear answers.

[@angelinapingitore8635]

I was ambushed and NOT prepared.

[@katiej8295]

Angelina Pingitore same xx

[@GloriaJWimberley]

Same...

[@user-xv1kp6qf7h]

Same. I actually had a mini anxiety attack got sick. Had to run to the bathroom at the end of the meeting to throw up several Times. It triggered si i a severe migraine and visceral response That my mom had to come pick me up

[@grantrennie]

Have a good day everyone, may a good job come your way

[@dannym6552]

at least there was no -- smear -- never knew monsters like this exist

[@sieracki001]

The PIP is going to contain whatever management wants it to contain. Theoretically if you execute the items on the PIP, you will be returned to normal status. The thing is no one is going to second guess what is in the PIP. Certainly no one from HR will. If it's a list of items that they know cannot be achieved, then this is a strong message that it's a game, they just want you out. You know if they go to court with you, this will be whipped out and no judge is going to rule for you.

[@ChristswayWarriorPrincess]

Text book..... experience of this. Your video is truth.

[@Bahbahlatje]

I was lucky that 98% of my interactions with my boss/bully took place in email. But she was totally bullying me. She had her bosses ear and was presenting information the way she wanted it to be framed.

[@jhankri]

Constructive discharge is what happened to me. My useless union participated.....and quite frankly, by the time you get to this point you are no longer a good employee. It's like they broke your legs and tell you to get up and walk.

[@themiddlekid1966]

Perfectly stated! I am going through a similar thing now. Awful

[@commonlaw5400]

Yup. The union reps were worthless-at 96K. Amazon employees, be careful what you ask for.

[@Art-zs6sl]

It's not always so dire. I have been called in, tried to counter every point like you shouldn't. Got pissed off. Blamed the manager who called the meeting. Acted like a total dum dum. I hope I survived because I was right, because I played it WAY wrong after watching this video.

[@berkeleycowboy]

Your talk is amazing. Thank you. I've been looking for polite comebacks because my aggressor is a narcissist and getting mad is what he wants.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I tried pretty much everything you suggest. HR told me that I had 'no right' to have a 3rd party, and that to include a third party, would be a violation of my manager's rights to have a private meeting with me (even though HR can be in attendance as HIS third party).

[@goldsharktooth]

It is like Dr Namie was at the meeting !!! SPOT ON ADVICE and observations. Share this info far and wide people. Help expose their tactics.

[@kaijohnson9048]

I know right!!??!!! Spot on!! Best video yet on KZbin re this subject.

[@pamelawherey4583]

With the millions of better paying jobs available, After not being able to sleep untill 5:00 in the morning. I decided to right a letter of resignation. Although it has indeed affected me. And this was treatment from an org that calls itself a church. I was an excellent new hire too. Was moving along very well.

[@psyspiritualguy3113]

It makes me sad to think that employees that work hard feel too scared to speak up because they feel intimidated by management

[@richardpeel6056]

I'm deaf in one ear, I'm above average intelligence and use my intelligence to cope but it can be hard work so I live under a higher level of stress than others. Throughout my life bullies have identified me as different and targeted me starting with the kid aged 9 who realised he could creep up on me and punch me in the back. You can't spend your whole life standing against walls so people can't punch you. At one place I worked I got the employee of the month award for introducing a pre-printed labeling system where you only needed to write in the country and number of pieces instead of handwriting the whole label, the company bully got it as no one had complained about him for a month. When I saved the life of a bird watcher who'd had a heart attack the bully said the bird watcher was probably a pervert. Most of the jobs I've had I've been bullied out of, I didn't so much retire early as gave up exhausted and burned out. Thanks for telling me that this is normal perhaps even expected.

[@user-qv7vi2ls6j]

The bully is being protected at all times, this was made known.

[@mba2ceo]

This is the MOST real advice I ever heard - 100% TRUE

[@peterlawford5126]

Bad management and bullying costs us all billions a year. The sooner it is stopped the better off we will all be.

[@calilovebug3897]

I just went through this. This video is mind blowing.

[@bremarie3442]

Hahaha! This happened to me at a toxic job that I had. I had a warning already, then all of a sudden my supervisor put a meeting on my calendar for the same day. I was already going to put in my 2 weeks notice the following week. An hr before the meeting I had a gut feeling that this would be a meeting with HR, so I quickly drafted a resignation letter. Sure enough it was. They were putting me on a PIP. I listed to all that was said, made my comments and what not. Then at the end signed my resignation letter and handed it to my supervisor. Her first words were, you could have started with this. I knew she didn't feel good about what she had told me, she was a nice supervisor. But I couldn't stand my manager, and knew he was behind all of this. Knowing that they were meeting for weeks to pull this all together, just pissed me off. But knowing that they did all that for nothing because I resigned anyway made me feel better

[@metastract]

I was constructively dismissed around the time of the recession when I was working in a graduate level job in a UK aerospace company. Long story short, a French colleague had my back during that time and gave me a heads up on the managers' plans to get rid of me (she overheard them talking) and I was able to prepare for what was coming to a degree. I am still friends with this person today and have visited her in France :-)

[@ciscoisdef1]

I appreciate this video, but seriously, no job is worth going through this BS. I just let them talk and get my unemployment check, I just have to find another job and thats it, job is not life, remember that

[@QoraxAudio]

Some people can't get a new job within reasonable time so they go full broke.

[@Teamawesomese1337]

Then the abusive employer already won. Every day employment is lost due to illegal retaliation is another day of lost wages.

[@cherrylow9818]

So true. Why would anyone want to stay in a shitty job when not appreciated. I’m surprised people would rather stay if so unhappy.

[@cherrylow9818]

@@Teamawesomese1337 Depends on how bad the abuse is or was. Most cases can take years.

[@cherrylow9818]

@@Teamawesomese1337 Employers most likely to win unfortunately. They know

[@qmarie9854]

This happened to me almost verbatim and step-by-step. The meeting was to inform me that I was being transferred to a smaller department with fewer staff (the reduction) and my performance was criticized (lies). I was completely blindsided by this meeting. I was not given an agenda and was surprised to see her boss in the meeting. It was a two-on-one. My boss actually cried in the meeting. So much of what you've said happened. Yes, my subordinates and co-workers beyrayed me. I was emotionally ripped apart. I was able to remain calm and I did not defend myself. However, I did ask questions that my boss could not answer which is when she resulted to crying and talking about my huge but unfulfilled potential.

[@joek4238]

Watch out also for the 'day before pay day meeting.' Some companies have a policy in their handbook that they will dock your pay to minimum wage for any remaining time that hasn't been paid yet. Doing so on the day before a pay let's them get the most amount of discounted time out of you. The other side is, if you think you are getting fired, quit without notice ON pay day. This minimizes the amount of pay they can reduce.

[@qwave1322]

I really wish I’d seen this sooner. It’s too late for me but I will be prepared for anything like this again.

[@matt3272]

I tried to have a meeting with HR and once I did, rather than listening to me, they tried to psychoanalyze me, rather than just allowing me to speak my mind about how I feel and go from there.

[@amparotataylucas2590]

I lost my job 4 times for bullies. Im exhausted and this time is harder to get a new job. Because of them. Thanks for this video

[@Masochist4Melons]

Your videos made me put a recorder app on my phone...

[@FreeDumb101]

You can't use privately recorded conversations in a court of law in certain states. It's best to check the laws in your state and begin the recording with everyone aware that you are doing so if that is the case in your state.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

IF. there are plenty of one party consent states.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

And even if you can't use a recording in the court of law, you can put it on KZbin :-)

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

@@DM-nj9vw any recommendations?

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

@@DM-nj9vw very neat gadget. thanks.

[@YoYo-gt5iq]

This was posted right as I was going through a parade of 6-month reviews at a job that was establishing that I was the problem. I so wish that I had heard this then just so I could have said to my boss that I knew exactly what was happening. I was a first-year accountant, though, and just didn't know that this is what was happening. The sick thing is that I gave them three months notice a little bit after this so I could get them through tax season and when I left based on my timeline they told the big clients who I was the point person on that they had to let me go, but didn't want to say why.

[@philosophersam]

I was called to something like this. However, in my case, I knew I had screwed up. I expressed dissatisfaction with management style, the company direction, and team dynamics openly with too many co-workers. Firstly, that was wrong, because I was guilty of workplace gossip. I was unintentionally influencing team morale. I regret this highly. I knew it was time to go, so I offered to stay on through a transition period. They indicated I would need to give two weeks, so I did. It was all legal and fair. If I had a business need, I would have given a person a transition period to find out what they would do next. Also, I would have identified this problem and attempted to work on it with them. If we could not come to a solution, I would have asked them to resign too. It is ok. Sometimes, one person that fits well in one place won't fit as well in another.

[@kwill90602]

OMG what a nightmare to live through. Great information!

[@MW713]

I made a complaint about 1 of them bullying me then all of a sudden 2 days later I was accused of bullying all 3 of them. I guess I made it to the manager before they did. I see how they are trying to set me up. I have never bullied anyone. Ever. I did not know if I should be angry or hurt. I was floored. I can tell you that.

[@dannym6552]

lol you def beat them to it :) now make sure to document everything, and read up on employment laws -- this sounds like just the start

[@Hawaiiansky11]

A weird thing about human nature is that the First to accuse is always assumed to be right. So I guarantee, one or more of them had already made a complaint about you before you made your complaint.

[@lenhalz8086]

A lot of weird things were happening in my office over the past year and a half, the last was two weeks ago, this whole time I never felt at ease, I always thought that they were trying to build a case to fire me. Well this past Friday it actually happened. It was a crazy termination meeting, the main suspect wasn't in attendance at all, was her Boss who could care less. This meeting just came out of the blue, 15 minutes before the actual meeting. Took place at 3pm, I already worked 6 hours by that time. No lunch. I knew it was something fishy. Now I have to try to negotiate a severance agreement and get my unemployment. Should have known. Manager was the first to speak, she spoke for 20 seconds and said a bunch of stuff that wasn't true ending in termination, then the HR Rep finished the meeting. It was super weird. I was told to log off my laptop at home immediately. This was an ambush. I left out a lot of info here. I should have left that company about 6 years ago.

[@goodflowh]

Oh I didn't get that opportunity I was called into a meeting and immediately terminated because I complained about someones prejudice remarks with witnesses too.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

In my state, it is legal to record a conversation as long as you are party to the conversation. However, my former employer had a policy against it, and I was found to be in violation of that policy for placing the recording device on the desk and stating, "I will be recording this meeting." I immediately turned it off when he asked me to, but still I was found to be in violation of a policy. One of my punishments was to read all 50 of our policies in a month's time (as well as do my normal workload, and other 'remedial' tasks) - every single one of them had some sort of phrase that stated, "...or, as management may deem appropriate." Meaning, a policy could be violated as long as a manager said it could be. 100% of policy was at management discretion.

[@RogerFusselman]

I think I've had a minor brush with people like bullies in the workplace, and I am not in this situation now, but I'll certainly remember this video.

[@Phenomestar]

Well. Today's my turn. Friday September 22, 2023. Teams meeting at 2 pm. Let's go get fired. Hurray freedom. Thankyou for this! #afternoon=termination! Noted

[@user-gi6ee8vj1y]

This is an excellent presentation. I am very appreciative of your efforts!

[@MrLeonightis]

They will say it will be a one on one and then there will another person there for “training purposes”.

[@lindawade9647]

Wow. This was fantastic information that I wish I had known when I was young.

[@emilyfrugalsworthkiang2324]

It helps to utilize facts and events and to limit emotional interpretation. Difficult, but effective. After one try at "clarifying", I just cut my losses and give notice.

[@dannym6552]

yup, things don't get better, they get worse

[@holographicc6974]

Truth is- if they want to push you out, they will and you only have one recourse: leave. Fake an injury and get out before they start a vendetta against you. This happens especially when you uncover something illegal they have been doing. Best to claim you just got very ill and let them fire you for not coming in. You discard yourself basically.

[@carryn73]

I quit bc I couldn't deal with that anymore. Now I feel a whole lot better and doing better too.

[@patriciaazevedo506]

I had this experience recently, now I'm currently off work by stress... It is so harmful for my health...

[@tanjara9793]

Patrícia Azevedo I've been on sick leave after this ambush meeting as after months of being bullied by my manager and as its top the PIP meeting I couldn't take it anymore. It's so harmful and I'm in therapy because of it to reestablish my self esteem and gain some trust that I might be able to find a better employer. I hate how people put others in such a bad spot.

[@mspixiedust100]

Patricia, how long did you go on leave for?

[@mspixiedust100]

+Tanja Rautner How was it when you went back?

[@eeeyooohoh]

same!!

[@jhankri]

I can so relate to this. And boy was I naive. My union rep was one of the bullies. My union did nothing to help me. In fact after a disciplinary hearing the union president who I asked to attend on my behalf, hoping she would be impartial, asked to talk to me alone and bullied me privately.

[@scoobysnax8127]

Wow. This is exactly how they tried it with me. Step by step. Unbelievable. I managed to call their bluff. They’d messed up so technically they’d run out of time to try what they were planning. What evil, petty, pathetic, incompetent A-holes. The irony is, one of the initiators has the link to report replace bullying in her signature. 🤡 I wish I’d seen this video at the time.

[@trevorthetherapist4200]

After months of being piled on with tons of work after enormous turnover I got the ambush meeting and it is very stressful. I have had it on 2 different occasions including one where I found another job and quit ahead of time and the other which ended with the Friday afternoon termination meeting with NDA and severance. It sucks but I learned all of their tricks by having it happen to me and watching it happen to other people.

[@janedough2492]

My coworker hated me and got the boss to hate me. I did a good thing and it was turned around on me I couldn’t believe it. I got yelled at for doing extra that hurt no one at all. It is insane. The bully boss is retiring. But her wicked trainee is still in place. She still hates me but the great thing is I have an excellent review I basically got a 100 perfect score on my review from my boss. Then whispers from her favorites and I’m under the bus. Just crazy making my feelings are really hurt because it’s so wrong. The injustice is real.

[@dannym6552]

got yelled at for doing extra that hurt no one at all. they think it made them look bad

[@manumusa9224]

LOOK AT THE PATTERN OF OTHER STAFF WORK WHO ARE IN THE SAME JOB TITLE AS YOU AND IF YOU'RE BEING INSTRUCTED TO DO THE SAME THING, LOOK TO SEE IF THEIR WORK IS BEING CHECKED LIKE YOURS AND IF THEY ARE DOING IT.

[@nappyfries]

Most bosses that behave this way are narcissists! I know mine is. I’m on FMLA right now & can’t wait to go back bc the day of my surgery an email was sent out that said I had supposedly violated handbook violations. I’ve been watching all kinds of videos like this & even if I do lose my job, I’m at least calling these horrible people out for they are. And I can do so calmly. I’d rather lose my job & sue for harassment than keep quiet & do nothing but let them treat me further like crap when I’ve been a damn good employee to them.

[@LeoM-zt3pl]

Ah yes , the classic zero notice call into the managers office while hr is also present at the side jotting down notes in silence. Make you feel like your a suspect at the police station, how ridiculous this corporate posturing has become 😑

[@Dusty338]

Been through this a couple of times. In both cases I asked the manager directly what the meeting was about, and when he wouldn't give me an answer, I told him I wanted 30 minutes to prepare my notes.

[@carolmahoney2109]

Because the toxic culture has bullying, pisspoor management. Hopefully there isn't a next time, but you know what to look for and can have something else better lined up before they start pulling this bullshit, and can feel the satisfaction of telling them to take the crappy job and shove it. There's no such thing as the bullied employee burning bridges. The despicable managers who terrorize their employees already did that long before you left.

[@Dusty338]

@@carolmahoney2109 In my workplace, the ambush meeting is truly an ambush, they conceal the fact that a meeting is even going to take place. My first experience with this began with a simple text saying "hey can you pop by the office for a sec". When I walked into the office, I was greeted by the manager as well as the HR rep with "close the door and have a seat", and the 2-on-one verbal assault began. From that point on, all random requests to come to that office are replied to with a question asking why. I mentally prepare my script just in case it becomes an ambush, and I'm always prepared now.

[@john2244]

Thank you for this. I am currently going through this in South Africa. This has given me a different perspective on things which will be very helpful.

[@karlgfy1967]

This is brilliant, thank you for uploading, this has given me some structure for a defence

[@pixelmartyr8532]

Currently working for a car rental agency. I'm under assault right now. I've concluded its because Im too honest for this business and they only wanted to fill the void for the time they needed to. Cars have to be washed outside in the 100 plus degree heat. No one in the company wants the job. So they try to hire people and then try to get rid of them when they aren't needed anymore. My question is why don't they request the help of a temp agency instead of putting people on payroll. I don't get it.

[@bnewman9173]

This video is so on the spot, must get this book

[@michaelpuebla3953]

I was ambushed at a Friday meeting. I was let go after more than 14 years for performance. I was quite through the process, Hr, was on the phone, my supervisor and manager were present. The call was from my supervisors cell phone. I was on 45 day review. I go two week pay, last pay and one month vacation. I was depressed but happy after I left. I heard a month later my team was moved out of state.

[@439bananas]

At least you got a financial cushion and the plus side is you got out. Good luck.

[@calmandcozylaura1249]

This is why I want to work from home!

[@patrickmoffa7922]

One last thing one great metal song to get psyched up for this meeting and bullies in general is Becoming by Patera.

[@chevybob9836]

This is great information thank you so much. My bully/manager is retiring in a couple of months, and I have a feeling he's going to try to get me in some kind of trouble. Everyone I talked to says the same thing: He was told to retire. Usually when people retire, they're happy and upbeat. Not the bully. He looks like he has a bad headache. Probably mad that he couldn't force me out. Thank you for sharing this information. I need this!

[@solidcatink]

This is EXACTLY what happened, word for word, except the PIP. My reaction was to defend myself, and I ended up crying uncontrollably, and telling them how very sad all this makes me. No PIP. They told me to take a leave of absence/a break, insinuating that I might have a psych problem, and am not fit to work "here". Nothing good comes from this. So I filed a grievance with HR and quit. Good riddance. I didn't admire them at all anyway.

[@noopsido]

This just happened to me, I came prepared and even got permission from one of the "higher" up bullies.

[@groundedunorthodoxy8000]

Absolutely occupational hazard. Your superior can use anything against you in this meeting. So yes keep calm and just let the jerk talk.

[@Bhappi137]

This happened to me, one was sitting ready to type my answers, I had no idea what it was about, it was as if I was in a Police Cell

[@jessicahope9744]

One of the biggest issues with PIPs in my opinion is it immediately creates an even more adversarial relationship. When you are put on a PIP you are put in the impossible position, either just take it and hope for the best, which almost never ends well. Or if you decide to rebuke what is said about you it means one of two things, either prove your boss is wrong or prove that they are a liar. Either puts a BIG target on your back. And if you thought things were bad before get ready because your boss is going to dial in on you.

[@performcorp]

So accurate - fitting name of what I’ve experienced now- 1:1 ambush meeting. Need to activate the union. Have had to prepare a defender for 2 hours based on a late night email sent. Looking for other opportunities....

[@lemostjoyousrenegade]

It's a damned shame! There are some miserable assholes in the world. No matter how much money they have or how much is promised to them after they kiss enough ass. I hope you're feeling some peace now, Karen.

[@mspixiedust100]

Actually our employer would probably say that any of these actions/attitudes are insubordination

[@sl2608]

oh yes. I've been told I was being insubordinate many times. Reason? I was given a task to do and I needed to ask a few questions. The bully said "JUST DO IT! And get out of my office!" Questions = insubordination. There is no dialogue with these people. It's a dictatorship.

[@darksoulsss2618]

That's the typical abuser logic..I don't want to hit you.....you make me hit you...you have rights to protect yourself from bad employers....

[@Max-qk3xi]

This just happened to me today … I asked for a schedule after not being on it for 2weeks I didn’t get a reply so i said a joke on how they are wasting my time and then the supervisor replied that he would be messaging me shortly in another chat while he had already talked to other employees about their schedules on the same chat , I told him no stay on this chat and then messaged me directly that I was being insubordination.. wow it’s messing with my head

[@M.does.hockey]

Thank you!