WOW...WE ARE HEARTBROKEN | Partners React to Ren - Su!clde (Trigger Warning)

[@enterthecronic]

GREAT NEWS EVERYONE! I reached out to the friend I mentioned in the video. We have made amends and are back at being best friends again!! Thanks so much everyone for supporting me and encouraging me to move forward!! ❤

[@goomymf]

Very happy to hear. You guys got subbed.

[@simoncampbell3144]

Good

[@f.n.schlub]

Guys, THIS is the prequel to "Hi Ren".

[@goomymf]

@@f.n.schlub are you cnn? Fake news.

[@DandelionCollab]

Excellent. It takes courage to be vulnerable. You may fear that you are not strong enough. It's OK to be wrong about that.

[@thomasgoldschmidt298]

Joe was not a brother, but his best friend. Only Ren can walk this very fine line to address such topics in a meaningful and healing way! Ren is the greatest artist currently living.

[@enterthecronic]

Very true!

[@tinadunbar4577]

Definitely, no one else could do this, and can't be repeated. The world loves you Ren ❤❤ stay strong RIP Joe, our freckled friend 😢

[@robynparker9263]

You had your guard up with the title. The song started, and the beat caused you to drop your guard. Then, he hit you with his heart and pain, and he GETS you!!!!!!! Greatness rarely shows its face in the moment. The moment is now, and its name is Ren!!!!!!

[@enterthecronic]

This song was everything I needed and more!

[@thehangingparsiple5692]

Oh, guys. Intense af. Somebody somewhere else made the perfect comment "the whole internet cried today". Kudos

[@fredwds5178]

Humanity, humility, honesty. Thank you Ren and thank you both for spreading the word. It needs to be heard.

[@enterthecronic]

Thanks for your comment!!

[@lynnieb]

That’s amazing! I’m glad you have your friendship back!

[@dmj4966]

About a week ago Ren posted it was the anniversary of a friend's sui*cde, and he was about 5 minutes late to stop him. Then this drops. Ren is so talented, honest, unique.

[@sabrinaevans8746]

I’m relieved when I see you cry. It shows me you feel

[@enterthecronic]

This is the perfect piece of art to address such a melancholy topic. We are here for you all! Thanks for your support.

[@thesquirrelrises]

The way your boyfriend cried at the end, made me cry as well.

[@enterthecronic]

I didn’t realize how much even just self harm has affected me personally. Thanks for your support!

[@joaovictorribeiro7843]

Probably watched every reaction to this song thats been posted, and held the tears in my eyes in every single video, but not yours... Instant subscribe.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank for being with us!! We hope you stay! Sorry for the tears 😭

[@TobiiRheaStarr]

Beautiful reaction, probably the best I have seen out of literally hundreds. I’m sorry for your losses and sending lots of love from the UK 🖤🫶

[@carladicarlo3255]

It was his best friend Joe. There’s a beautiful post he shared about him.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you for that!!

[@kevinlangley3782]

Yep... Rens song freckled angel is about Joe . It was played at his funeral.

[@reactivereplays5666]

1:05 The fact that you hurt so badly for her pain of lose of another man... Shows how much you love her, trust in the love you share, and how much of an empathic man you are. Seen a couple reactions before. You and your small and honest family. I can get behind that. Good luck to you all. I had my best friend stay with me because him and his GF were fighting. He got up the next day for work from my house. We was supposed to play 8-ball the next day (Tuesday)... Later on after he got off work he called me and asked if I wanted to play 8-ball TODAY and said, "Man I'm as fk'd up as I have ever been"... I blew it off (hey no big deal he's been lit before right?). I thought nothing of it to be honest... I blew it off and replied, "Nah man I ain't up for it today we are supposed to play tomorrow to why not just meet up then". I received a phone call 3 hours later asking if it was true he had passed. I was like??? NO! I JUST talked to him what? I never saw my friend alive again ='(. I miss you Corey Taylor... (Named after the singer. His mother was and is a hell of a singer...). His birthday was 1 day after mine ='(.... 08/17/1990... Love ya man... I have let go of the guilt of possibility that I really could have been there for him.... Hope you have none and Ren and all surviving parties finds a way to let go....

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you for sharing this emotional moment! I love Alanna so much and I can’t help to love anyone that meant something to her in her life. Thank you for your kind words!

[@jamiereed6080]

just breath my friends, Ren has touched many souls tonight and created another ocean of tears! it is in those tears we can release! god be with you both and thank you for this reaction!!

[@enterthecronic]

Wow, thank you!

[@philk9227]

Your raw, honest and heartfelt reaction is the same as so many of us felt when we heard this track. Ren has touched many souls with this. Allowed us to release our own tears and brought with it connection and healing. All the best from the UK

[@enterthecronic]

The amount of stories being shared in the comments really does show how impactful this song is for everyone! Thank you! Blessings from Canada!

[@paulmichael4094]

Awesome reaction and brought tears to all our eyes I’m sure. Ren is next level amazing. So humble and lays it all out for everyone to see. Massive respect.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you so much!

[@craigmitchell604]

Wow. Damn. Thank you for crying with me. You are so beautiful.

[@enterthecronic]

You are beautiful as well!

[@tinadunbar4577]

The Internet cried last night. RIP Joe and my brother Mike ❤❤😢😢

[@Monica-sw9ld]

Beautiful, real, and cathartic reaction. Thank you for not being afraid to share what the song means to you personally. For me, that's what matters the most. The human side and human connection. ❤ Did you notice that as Ren started to remember and break down, the background began to lighten from a rainy grey blue to a light golden hue?As he unloaded the weight he didn't realize he still carried, the light started to return. ❤

[@NZWozza]

There are certain Ren songs that I can only listen to every now and then. Like Hi Ren, Jenny and Screech, or Depression. They are amazing songs, but they are such an emotional workout. This is music that must be made, and it's so important and hopefully does help people. Beautiful and powerful song that everyone should hear. Interesting what you said about the people in the video changing, I kind of noticed it but didn't think about it the first time I saw it (this is the second).

[@enterthecronic]

Hey Sam! Thank you so much for being the person to introduce us to Ren! We wouldn’t of had this healing moment if it wasn’t for some of your guidance!

[@denalinde]

Crutch is the one I can’t do. It’s far too personal in my own journey through life. He’s got such a talent at channeling sometimes ugly real life into beauty, 💜

[@davidperkins6752]

sincerest love and big hugs to you guys. i can't think of anything to say but thank you so much for sharing.

[@enterthecronic]

You are so kind! Being here with us means a lot!

[@SR-71BlackbirdA2]

His very close, childhood friend, Joe, commited suicide by jumping off from a bridge. They sadly never found his body.

[@enterthecronic]

Very sad 😢

[@vivienneclarke2421]

The part thay gets me every time is the line 'staring down at tranquility,one sudden movment in a world of possibilities,one sudden movement to expose our fragility' Yeah. That sums it up. That dark water must have seemed so peaceful, tranquil to Joe in that moment. One movement~jump. In a world of so many other possibilities. It breaks my Heart💔

[@lillyvanpug]

Going through these reactions and feeling the love, support and empathy in the comments is healing. So much positivity and comfort going around. This song is heavy but it opens up a conversation that is needed. Lots of love to you 🖤

[@enterthecronic]

Lots of love as well! The conversation is definitely open now!

[@arisgran1]

My brothers casket was a closed casket but they opened it for me because I had to see him to believe it was real. Ren is such an amazing artist

[@DakotaDogProductionsAk83]

Thank you both for sharing your personal experiences with us 🙏! This song was monumental for me. My brother died from an overdose a month ago. This art and many like it have been so powerful and therapeutic. I love you so much for being here with me ❤ Chase after those you love with ferocious intensity, tomorrow is never promised…

[@enterthecronic]

I am so sorry for your loss!! Thanks for being here with us too! ❤️

[@DocMbuze]

Sorry for your loss! Big hug!💔

[@DandelionCollab]

Thank you. This conversation works with my experience of my friend's murder 30 years ago. Let yourself not suppress! We have this stupid cultural conversation that it is good to look tough. The true strength is the courage to let your humanity show. You let yourself full on cry during this song. Beautiful. Real. Human. That vulnerability is what makes Ren so captivating. The coolest thing is to stop trying to be cool. Talk about the real stuff. Let us know what the call with your friend was like. Love you.

[@enterthecronic]

I am trying to let things out more! I am trying to be myself more! Ren is helping me bring out my humanity again. I couldn’t hold it back anymore! I will let you know how the call goes :)

[@GneasYTC]

Agree 100%, DandelionCollab. "Big boys don't cry" is the biggest load of horseshit that has ever been foisted on men. We end up feeling that it's somehow unmanly to express our emotions or ask for help, no matter how desperately we need it. That shit literally kills.

[@xdaniedx]

We never met but I love you guys. And anyone else that reads this I love you too. We've all been blessed and cursed with fellings and emotions and we're all trying to figure out what this existence really means that we we've been involuntarily thrown into. A bunch of imperfect beings on a spinning ball of mud circling a star as we hurdle through space. Be kind to one another and most importantly be kind to yourself.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you so much for your comment!! We love you too

[@rudyb.]

I’m glad you guys have each others for support. I know it hits hard but it’s a beautiful tribute to Joe. I’m so happy I found REN’s music…it’s a healing.

[@enterthecronic]

This is such a beautiful tribute! Healing is starting again!

[@violindylan]

Love your empathy. Subscribed.

[@enterthecronic]

We really appreciate it!!

[@KayLorraine12]

Wow. What a powerful song and reaction you two. Thank you for sharing yourselves. It takes courage to be so vulnerable like that. Much love to you both xoxo

[@enterthecronic]

I love you Kaylee!!

[@KayLorraine12]

@@enterthecronic love you too xo

[@damianmann]

My wife of 42 years died a year and a half ago. This video made me realize I've been dealing with survivor's remorse and guilt. She has a massive brain tumor. We discovered this way too late. So I've always beaten myself up thinking I should have seen it. I should have insisted she see the right Dr. when she was having trouble with her balance. I thought it had to do with her eardrum or something. We did are a Dr. for that and he found something. But it wasn't what we needed to know. I don't know. It's just hard. I did try to overdose. But it didn't work. Soo I tried something heavier. That didn't work either. I guess there's still something I'm meant to do. But, right now? I have no fucking idea what that is

[@gjivanessahoggm7266]

Ren has portrayed something that a lot of us unfortunately have had to go through. I feel so sorry he still feels this guilt. I’m also very sorry for you to have also gone through this. Sending love ❤

[@mama-llama4527]

You guys are such beautiful souls. Thank you thank you for sharing.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you so much! Love out to you ❤️

[@rexrogers1859]

Thank you so much. You both have wonderful spirits and are loved.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you! I am struggling these days so thanks for your love!

[@rexrogers1859]

@@enterthecronic 💛💛

[@Youlookeddidntyou]

You did a very good job. Please go forward knowing your efforts are noticed and appreciated.

[@enterthecronic]

Much appreciated! That means a lot to us

[@hilarywilkes7853]

I just wanted to say that I loved your reaction. I love seeing reactors who are empathic and loving like me and aren't afraid to show their real, raw tears and emotions. Thank you again 😢❤

[@Dazkil]

Ren certainly has a gift for putting something so personal that speaks to everyone in words .Don't think many people have that ability.Thanks for the reaction.

[@enterthecronic]

Your very welcome!

[@praja108]

This was a moving reaction for me, I thank you both for your openness and vulnerability, especially you son. You're a beautiful couple. Support one another as you already do and yeah, go talk to your friend Kyle and tell him he's loved. Ren has opened the door for this conversation to be brought to the light. I am from New Zealand, we've had the highest suicide rates in the world for over 50 years, the topic is never spoken about. New Subscriber to your channel.💚💛

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you so much for your encouragement!! :)

[@helenjarvis7755]

Love to you, you are very courageous Be kind to yourselves

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you so much!

[@Jos-mc8lx]

Wow...your emotions were almost to personal to watch...yup...Ren's the GOAT ! Awesome reaction...I felt that ! All the blessings you guys needs.

[@enterthecronic]

I’m sorry for possibly pushing the edge with my emotions. It hot so hard. Thank you so much for your lovely comment!

[@Jos-mc8lx]

@@enterthecronic Never apologize for being real ! I felt the same !!!

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you! 😅

[@dixiedollz_]

it hit me so hard when you looked over and made eye contact and said "stay strong i love you okay" ... and to watch your entire reaction be full of support and kindness and understanding for each other and then for all of us afterwards. Ren has a way to open the doors to things that many are scared to express or even just feel. He is bringing people together on deeper levels and it's beautiful because it's creating a strong community. I am happy to hear you reached out to your friend, I cant imagine how you both felt after you spoke and maybe hung up that phone or walked away after, however you did it, I am sure you both left it with lighter hearts and more strength. Much love xx

[@Mezzijah]

Never had an artist make me cry more then Ren, blew my mind more then Ren, he's a true generational talent.

[@sallymclachlan357]

Rens voice, words and music is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine of addressing these such difficult subjects go down, for so many. Putting into words and saying out loud is so difficult for many and I am sure his and your words help. Take care both of you x

[@itspickleric138]

Rens vulnerability, his humility his rawness the emotion he’s able to convey in his words has been a god send for people struggling with mental health issues & especially men! Almost all the reactions I’ve seen to this from men has awakened our ability to be vulnerable to be emotional and to open up & cry far from the stigma that is “men don’t cry” with male suicides being so high one 80% higher than that of women one of the leading causes of death amongst men Ren is truly going to & is saving lives with his music Raw genuine reaction 🫶🏻

[@enterthecronic]

Well said!! We love you. We also love PlayStation, so that’s a cool picture you have :)

[@ehekkert]

Have listened to the song multiple times now, the last bit never fails to bring tears to my eyes and I haven't even lost anyone to suicide myself. So I can only imagine how it affects someone who has.

[@sandyyoung9582]

Beautiful people, much love ❤, affects so many of us who are left behind xxx

[@Ephergie]

Ren is such a gift to us all - enabling us to talk, heal, understand, grow. Never feel that you have to supress your emotions, they are the most essential part of our humanity. As Ren said "We must not forget that we are Human Beings" Sending love to you guys.

[@Lulabee2024]

If you two arent the kindest and genuine of humans being than I dont know what about shit...Thank you for this heartfelt reaction. I thought I had watched enough of this song to get through a reaction without crying but NOOOAH 😭I cried that hardest of all listening and watching this. thank you

[@scottlaurenson3390]

Ren is an open book with his Heart on his sleeve, and the ability to touch your soul with his word's. ✌️❤️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@peterveste6976]

thank you for your honest reaction to this powerful song, sending big love from the UK, you two are beautiful people, Ren is starting a movement of love ❤❤

[@moonshelter3448]

Thank you so much for the reaction so honest. You are beautiful people. I have clinical depression and after listening to another heavy song I love to see how other people react to it so I could feel like humanity is still alive.❤

[@PeturHinrik]

I lost 3 friends to suicide in 2007, and then my cousin in 2010. I absolutely lost it at my cousin's funeral, could not stop crying throughout the entire ceremony and the wake. I was very suicidal myself from about the age of 8-9 until I went into intensive therapy in 2012 (when I was 34). So this song hit me hard, so thank you for being so open about your reaction to it

[@enterthecronic]

Your welcome and thanks for sharing your story as well!! Hugs 🤗

[@Xrousn]

Random internet guy. Just wanted to let you know I’m happy you’re still around. Peace and happiness are part of your endless possibilities ahead of you. Go get them. 👍

[@brody_c]

Perspective is everything. We are all so lucky to be here. Even if we can't see it for ourselves right now. Much love to you both.

[@danielflynn8530]

I listen to this song and many musician’s can have passion but Ren has heart and passion.

[@Ruloathesome]

He has it all

[@eternallearner4753]

Peace to you both and to “all who mourn, all who share the eternal reciprocity of tears” ❤

[@vermillion1735]

A wonderful, genuine and heartfelt reaction to this piece of art. Love to Ren and love to y'all.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you so much!!

[@jessicalingo4346]

I absolutely love how he was able to make such a hard topic mug easier to listen to and to speak about. I can guarantee 100% he wasnt able to save Joe Hues (the friend who passed away) but he did and will continue to help people who are fighting with this in their mind.

[@nicholassmalley3026]

Yall definitely have had the most extreme reaction of all the videos I've watched of this song my condolences for the person you lost to this stuff also go ahead and try and make up with the friend life is short be there for your loved ones as much as you can much love guys!💜🫂

[@carolinegeorge2982]

Thank you for your reaction, tears shed with you x

[@1crazy4noel]

The interesting thing is the way you cry silently shows that you cry with pain rather than loudly for attention and that hit me ❤️

[@dawnblaynee7983]

Hugs All Round. Much love and respect from The UK.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you so much 🫂

[@Moctipotili1]

Thank you for your reaction to this and healing words!

[@cheetara32]

Ren is stunning in the way he tackles real issues and real, raw emotions... The fact so many of us can listen to his music and have this deep emotional reaction shows that despite the taboo around talking about this level of pain, we are all still connected in understanding it... I hope the more we can all talk about it and understand our feelings, that we will learn more about others and ourselves and find the connection we all want. ❤

[@MrNiccholas]

I recently heard it said that suicide doesn't end the pain, it simply transfers it to those around you. I needed to hear this because I'm going through a lot due to a Traumatic Brain Injury from a car accident. I really don't want to be alive anymore, but I'm not willing to transfer my pain to my loved ones.

[@ThomasFitzpatrick-]

ive watched at least 100 of this songs reactions and you guys' was the best ive seen yet...especially the after song thoughts...love yall

[@skunkworksu7638]

Great job guys 😢 ✌️

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you so much! Hope we see you again?!

[@dougoneill7266]

He is referring to his best friend Joe Hughes. Ren is going home to Wales to catch up with his childhood friends and work through stuff with them. He is also donating a percentage of his album sales from Freckled Angels to the Hughes family and the Royal National Lifeboat Institution (RNLI) for their tireless work at the time in trying to find Joe. I hope this brings all those concerned some peace. It's good to get this stuff out. good luck to you both.

[@henrychavez9526]

To me, suicide is when a strong person can't keep fighting anymore when they've given all that they have to stay alive and the pain is so unbearable that, death feels like the better option to end the constant pain. It takes strength to keep fighting every day in silence even when you feel like the world is crushing you. So please if you have a friend whose gone silent or hasn't spoken to you in a while, don't hesitate to call or meet them, you might just be the lifeline they were hoping to find in an endless sea of darkness.

[@enterthecronic]

Amen!!

[@mldkenny]

There truly is only on Ren , he certainly know how to get such an important message across.

[@Shadow_1984_]

Thx for your reaction 🙏🏻 🫶🏻🫂

[@mickjuul1977]

You can't stop re-thinking what could have been done differently.. And it`s not a choice.. Its just there all the time.. What if.. Great reaction.. Shit i love Ren

[@enterthecronic]

I agree, it isn’t a choice! I feel for everyone going through this pain. Thank you so much! Ren is revolutionary.

[@Devoncs]

Breathe now. You won't be able to later.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you :)

[@mandynoske5809]

We stay strong together and it's human to feel ❤ lots of love

[@Dragonartykay]

Ren is absolutely brilliant at opening dialogue and talking about such a usually taboo subject. We need to talk more, and ask people in our lives if they are ok, but to expect may came back from them.

[@EarthyBlendPOV]

That was beautiful, thank you.

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you too!

[@erichburger1935]

Hugs!!!

[@StarStuffGal321]

Love you guys! 💕💕

[@enterthecronic]

Love you so much!

[@christinemclaurin2631]

Thank you for sharing your own story. 🫂 💙💜💞

[@enterthecronic]

Your very welcome. It was very healing for me

[@margaretc5679]

Thank you for sharing. ❤

[@enterthecronic]

You are very welcome!

[@testpattern23]

This song broke me

[@enterthecronic]

Hugs!

[@Ph4n_t0m]

Very few really want to die for the sake of dying, but rather because they feel they're faced with no other option to putting an end to an unbearable pain. It's also rarely done out of pure or malicious selfishness (Ren says he can't find the anger because he understands this too), but often in involuntary ignorance of that selfishness - an act of desperation. But like Ren also said in a follow-up post : while the ending of life does guarantee it not getting worse, it also guarantees that it'll never get any better either; and that's worth remembering too...

[@badbadleroybrown]

You got a good woman there bro

[@enterthecronic]

The best!!!

[@davidshaw5997]

Awesome vid!!, gets closer to home; cuz Ren was home and got a call from the gf, he left immediately, and was 2 mins away, check out his interviews, such a good and down to earth guy!!!, I love REN!!

[@KarriSimone]

❤❤❤❤ Love both of your insight, emotion, and reactions. I'm now a new subscriber !!!!

[@kiprock2383]

Great reaction 😢

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you!

[@elenaorujev3494]

So raw and heart wrenching!

[@nEthing4Her]

I love you both. New subscriber. Jeeeez when he lost it at the end, so did I. -Again.

[@agape843]

That song hit us all on some level.

[@dawngubb1255]

Gorgeous caring human emotion... lovely react. Xx

[@simonrichards6739]

He got a phone call in the middle of the night from Joe saying he was on the bridge that connects Anglesey to Wales, the Menai Straits are the fastest flowing waters in the U.K, he raced there but Joe was gone.

[@charlottejennex8820]

It was his friend , he wrote Freckled Angel about him too. You're probably right, he didn't get closure. He ran to the bridge to save him, but he was minutes too late.

[@valentindumitru9554]

Thank you!

[@enterthecronic]

Thank you as well

[@FooDogDat]

When you find a big box of tissues you can take on 'For Joe,' both of these songs deal with the childhood friend he met when they were 8 years old. It also is why the title of his first album is 'Freckled Angels.' Ren tackles big topics that go unspoken. Chronic illness and mental health are themes that few ever mention, he gives space for that conversation, and the best reactors open up and share their story. No healing happens without sharing our stories. Ren takes on societal and social justice themes as well in his Money Game series, I love the Lyric Video version of 'Money Game Part 2,' so much to unpack there. But Ren and his videographer's hit their peak in the masterpiece trilogy that is 'The Tale of Jenny & Screech (Full)' that combines all three parts concluding in 'Violet's Tale,' you need to need to watch that full series to get the flow of the story.

[@FrugalShave]

He tricks us on this one. The first two minutes you are like "This is OK. I can deal with this." Then Whammo! we are all sobbing.

[@desiredbydesign6188]

Beautiful reaction thx

[@renejensen7799]

Ren shouldnt blame himself for being 1 minutte late, i could maybe have saved my own fathers life to, if i showed up at hes place 1 hour earlier then i did, but i didnt, and its not me to blame he died, even i did have that thought to a while, and as Ren say himself, we must not forget, that we are human beings, so we are not perfect..

[@enterthecronic]

We are human beings! Thanks for sharing your story!

[@DakotaDogProductionsAk83]

Rene… you are not alone in these thoughts and questions. I love you and I’m sending you all my prayers and strength. I too will forever struggle with this pain. But I must believe that the grace our lost family members received is the same grace we have to hold on to. Keep fighting for your father and I’ll keep fighting for my brother ❤

[@edferrell3054]

He was 19 years old and was drinking with Joe and went home and was called 4 hours later and told Joe was standing on the bridge and he ran there and was 5 minutes late and he blames his self.

[@sabrinaevans8746]

We are all crying. Let it out

[@stevebrown9955]

Two of my best friends committed suicide one at 14 the other one at 17. I am 57 now you don’t get over it you just hope that they are doing better with their choices

[@Cnawki]

And here's (part of) the writeup that Ren shared before the premiere and sent to his email list: I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.