[YTP] Mad dogs and English lessons

Conversations with malfunctioning androids.

[@josepher9071]

I think I've cracked the code. This YTP is actually a truly tragic tale akin to the same nonchronological storytelling as Pulp fiction or Memento. Scene 1: Man 1 arrives to New york from Italy. The woman receptionist at the airport is racist and has a deep resentment for Italians. Scene 2: The italian man phones up the operator to connect him with Man 2 named John Nahn. The operator just so happens to be the the receptionist at the airport. Her, having recognized the man's voice, passive aggressively sabotages the call. After talking to blank space for a bit, the line is finally connected. The scene ends with the italian man resigned and frustrated that he must repeat himself. Scene 3: John Nahn is pulled over by a man taking the appearance of a cop. He intimidates John and ends the conversation with "I'm horny" as a power move to get John to do what he wants. The scene fades before we see the assault. Scene 4: John introduces the italian man to Jill. At first appearance, it seems to be that the italian man is looking for sloppy seconds, and compliments her extremely sexy appearance. However, before they do the deed, he freezes and is unable to continue his sexual motives. Scene 5: This scene precedes scene 4. The italian man asks to "pound 200 British asses." This reveals much of the hidden information about our characters. John Nahn is actually a pimp and Jill is his prostitute. This serves as motivation for why the italian man froze. His moral compass prevents him from having sex with a prostitute. We can also see the unfriendly nature between him and John. Scene 6: Woman 3, a mall clerk, is giving direction to the female receptionist/operator from the first few scenes, along with the "cop" from scene 3. Both of them are clearly drunk out of their minds and ask nonsensical questions. Scene 7: The "cop" is going over a rehearsed fake story with John of a robbery to cover the truth that it was in fact the fake officer that took the purse from the woman. It is also possible that the "cop" actually left some kind of poison in her purse as well upon returning it to the unnamed woman. Scene 8: This scene precedes scene 6, where we see the date between the "cop" and the receptionist. Due to his intoxication, the "cop" makes up outlandish tales of how his entire day is occupied by class. She sees through this and calls him on his bullshit. The scene ends. However, my theory is that the "cop" drugged the receptionist, which could be why she appears coerced in scene 6. Scene 9: We now see the "cop" disguised as a doctor and "treats" the mall woman of her illness. It is possible that the mall clerk was the woman who had her purse poisoned in scene 7. From here on out, I will refer to this man as "the criminal". During his treatment of the mall clerk, he shows her his dick and drugs her. However, the odd thing is that the mall clerk does not seem to mind. Scene 10: This is the most tragic scene of all. Jill asks John to be put on a plane and flown to her death. John, possibly out of contempt or understanding, respects her decision. "Have a nice death" he says as she is sent to soar in the air and able to see the world for the first and last time in her life. Scene 11: An awkward interaction made tragic by the presence of Jill and the mall clerk. It plays similarly to scene 1, where a general lack of understanding between people of different cultures in emphasized. It is also revealed that Jill came to America from an unnamed country which she only refers to as "home". Maybe she went to the US to fulfill her dreams, only to have them crushed. The scene ends with the mall clerk talking about how she's going to be getting some cock. Jill, reminded of her own position, has no choice but to respond with "nice", when she secretly resents her position. This also reveals a possible connection between the mall clerk and scene 9. Perhaps she was seeking to have sex with the doctor. Maybe she even knew he was the drunk man asking for directions in scene 6. Either way, it seems that the mall clerk is playing her own game. Scene 12: Jill greets a customer at the brothel and we are introduced to a man we have never seen before. This man's only role in the story is to be indecisive and let loose a guttural growl any time he is asked a question. It is unclear how much time has passed, but we can now see that the italian man is working at the brothel as well. It is possible he took over John's position as the pimp after John left the city talking about how he "never is gonna trust cops again." This alone is heartbreaking and exposes the lies of the American dream. The story ends how it began. With an interaction between the italian man and the receptionist. Upon recognizing one another, they have nothing to say to each other even after all this time. Maybe time does not heal all wounds. I would give this story a 10/10. A masterpiece that highlights the imperfections within ourselves and America. Truly beautiful.

[@noisepuppet]

I have pinned this to the top

[@josepher9071]

​@@noisepuppet I have pinned you to the top of my list of greatest storytellers of all time.

[@fungusmcbungus7943]

This is truly amazing

[@matthewbowen5841]

This might be the best comment in KZbin history

[@ARunawayTrain]

The YTP on its own is absolutely hilarious but pair it with this comment and it becomes the hysterical laugh til you can't breathe properly type of funny. Bravo!

[@millenniumhandandshrimp2610]

As a person with autism i found this video invaluable in developing my interpersonal skills, thank you noisepuppet.

[@lukesylvester2022]

assholes

[@SkylabBeats]

Millenniumhand and shrimp 😂 me too

[@TokenFanatic]

As an autistic auditory artist, I found this video. The great thing about noisepuppet for real though, is the whole video is always quotable lmfao.

[@artoodiitoo]

I suggest you eat this tape in it´s entirety

[@coopermuccio4409]

Same here

[@FiremanPC]

I think that he was black, or maybe dark blue. Comedy gold.

[@bridgetoneill9684]

"I'm sure though, that he had 6 feet." "Thank you for your help." "You're black."

[@tinystalker1821]

No, it was comedy black, or maybe dark blue

[@SkylabBeats]

Tiny Stalker 😂😂 nice

[@poly_g6068]

You don't need to catch a bus if you're already here... Words of wisdom.

[@funkrok2010]

:O :| :O :|

[@Appleboy78165]

That's so deep

[@zigzag7838]

Indeed, and the same goes for taxis

[@AA-bs3iy]

be on the lookout for a dark blue man with six feet he's wanted for a purse snatching

[@_ArmIa]

At least he'll be easy to spot.

[@ginamolina820]

Bofa D. Snutts Why? Have you seen him toot around here?

[@Rebmetpes4]

with a black police officer

[@shawnfields2369]

@@Rebmetpes4 What did you do after class? You know the speed limits no miles per hour.

[@saxongreen78]

He was caught, but acquitted; the 'victim' had been _snatch pursing_ in a fancy street without a permit at the time, so the charges were dropped. LeL...skssksssksss...he sharted.

[@TheVicious5150]

"the speed limit is no miles per hour, I'm horny" "thank you, sir"

[@ajkatsinas3778]

"Do you have a maaaaaaaatch or a liiiiiiighter?" Seriously, every time. Much lol.

[@NerpMcDerp]

I've been walking around with that popping in to my head randomly for years now.

[@ziginox]

Skyueks, do you have a layal?

[@erichwashausen4602]

@@NerpMcDerp I don't smoke, but I'm hoping for the day when I need a match or a lighter so I can ask someone like that.

[@FusionDeveloper]

4:07

[@mattski73]

A maaaaaaatch, or a liiiiiiiiiiighter.

[@squilliamdafoe4648]

"Is there anything wrong officer?" "You were going sus fawf" "I wasn't awareawinnazolla"

[@EhrenCG]

"Is this a rented horse?"

[@onkelpappkov2666]

And it still sounded like sixty-five.

[@JB52520]

I wasn't awarawa t'nsaw I

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

Yes

[@rorypenstock1763]

I only have my slice.

[@masonsykes2240]

0:57--"Is this a rented horse?" Probably, cause in the olden days you _rented a horse_ *EVERY. HALF. HOUR. EVERY. DAY.*

[@Mr.Classic91]

Here's my rectum

[@huzzzer6083]

Another true fan of noisepuppet I see

[@CityofButterfly]

2:00-2:17 is an absolutely accurate portrayal of working in customer service.

[@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley]

Even down to the choked out "you're welcome" when the customer has actually made you want to scream.

[@neptune9647]

Even down to the little noise of agitation that you let out because you know that you'll lose your job if you do anything.

[@natebot321]

"I had class. After class, I'd go to class. I had a part-time class. After class, I'd have class, then class until midnight or so, then I'd go to class." "Dood, you had quite a bit of class." "I had class."

[@matthewbowen5841]

I mean, he became a doctor. So it all paid off in the end.

[@snailsnail7360]

Classy;-)

[@brunopiatto]

"Why did you decide to become a lawyer?" "Because I'm a dick." "Hard?" "Very." Sounds legit.

[@OpusTheLeftie]

"I had class, after class, i'd go to class, i had a part time class after class." Golly jeepers, sounds like high school.

[@SixtyforceYTP]

+Jacob YTP Ikr?

[@brianjohnson7835]

More college

[@ginamolina820]

Brian Johnson So, how long have you been studying college-ology? Also, how long?

[@GibusWearingMann]

Dude, you had quite a bit of class.

[@Sten172]

That guy was quite classy

[@MGSVxBreakpoint]

When did you finish eating? When did you fish? When did you finish shitting?

[@AlienHavok_1211]

+Luke Donaghy "Then what happened?"

[@MGSVxBreakpoint]

A black or dark blue man, with 6 feet, stole a purse.

[@kenkarsonn]

1:08 If you listen closely you can hear the director say "Action" LOL

[@orlandowordsmith6208]

oh wow I never noticed that before - it's especially funny since they are literally just standing there, there's hardly any "action" taking place!

[@brunopiatto]

Ginger Minj as Adele: 4:13 - "You aren't from around here, are you?" "No, I'm from home."

[@drstrangecoin6050]

it's nice to TooT

[@GolemAvalanche]

Good to see that the horse rental business is still doing well, all these years later. I'm really starting to feel sorry for the woman in red, though; first she has to deal with complete idiots, then she gets diagnosed with cancer. I think the lady who booked the 10:00 plane crash may have been on to something.

[@Bombshocked]

Damn, dude has class!

[@FooPanda]

Quite a bit of class in fact

[@Rebmetpes4]

He says he has to go to class!

[@koenmetekohy1296]

Yeah he’s having a lot of class

[@FartOfAsspiration]

The one line that just PUNISHES ME everytime is "Have a nice death!"

[@simmerocky2393]

¨he was black or maybe dark blue¨

[@aplimsollpunk2738]

I've watched this video more times than I can count but the way he says "I'd wake up at six, eat the cock..." so casually gets me every frigging time. This is ytp at its finest. Truly a work only those with years of collegeology under their belt can appreciate.

[@orlandowordsmith6208]

agreed - the totally casual nature of phrases like "eat the coq", "have a nice death", and "well it's cancer" are what always get me with these vids

[@AlienHavok_1211]

"Excuse me, is there a bust around here? I don't know my way around the Mall." "Where do you want to go?" "The Mall." lololololololololol

[@LachiBoii]

Bust, not bus

[@ginamolina820]

Lachlan Duggan But you’re already there. You don’t need a bust.

[@qbeck11]

"I would like to introduce you to my jizz" is one of the funniest lines I've ever heard

[@bachaddict]

This is Jill, we jerk together

[@Jedibob5]

4:47 english.exe has encountered a problem and needs to close

[@4T3hM4kr0n]

+Jedibob5 how was your 8 month long trip to the 1970's?

[@jenniferphipps2012]

The mall is right here. You're already there!

[@Ginfidel]

3:04 my college experience in a nutshell

[@yeldeux7025]

the last 10 seconds almost made me lose my mind

[@CrunkPartyBitches]

You don't even have to edit anything to make this sound like porn dialogue.

[@Accesserised]

Sweet fancy Moses it's Elaine!

[@masonsykes2240]

"Hello Jill, I'd like to introduce you to my jizz"

[@saintsea-hat7891]

How do we get there? The mall is right here, you’re already there.

[@drgustaf2450]

Truly the worst language training video I’ve ever seen

[@Legojake94]

-What did you do after class? "i had class. After class, i'd go to class. I had a part-time class. after class i had class, then class until midnight or so, Then i'd go to class!"

[@4T3hM4kr0n]

+Legojake94 damn! burning the midnight oil! way to work towards that degree!

[@EhrenCG]

+Legojake94 Dude, you had quite a bit a of class!

[@lJohnTheDreamerl]

+Legojake94 This is actually an essay on my average week

[@lRedPosion]

+EhrenCG I had class.

[@targaghjj]

John Franks You must be majoring in Collegeology.

[@ronnieperez8519]

With all the class that guy had, it's no wonder he's a doctor in the next scene.

[@uracockfag101]

I want a one-way ticket for the plane that will crash at 10:00 PM lmfao

[@CaptainBlackBread]

I love that subtle 9/11 joke

[@americo_san]

Whenever I feel myself down I come back to this channel. The best medicine for anything!

[@ronnieperez8519]

I like Jills expression after she asks that guy "smoking or non smoking? She must be thinking "oh great another weirdo" lol

[@samr8889]

An androids guide to basic human conversations.

[@electronicvisionsmusic]

Are there any restaurants out here? Yeah..... ○___○ Thanks for your help

[@bradwallace5443]

“You’re not from around here are you?” No I’m from home. Genius

[@saxongreen78]

Couldn't watch the rest - I had class. Then after class, I had class.

[@henrydragonsbane4260]

The one in red would be cute if she weren't staring lifelessly into the distance...

[@huzzzer6083]

Or if she didn't smoke

[@ImFangzBro]

Or if she had any feelings.

[@Eugorea]

The ending reminded me of when you would play a scratched up DVD and It would start randomly skipping 😂😂

[@orlandowordsmith6208]

physical media skipping was like my introduction to stutter edits in YTPs, now when it happens to something I'm listening to or watching I think of these silly videos

[@FiremanPC]

I'd like a return ticket for the plane that will crash, is that possible?

[@waleedafzal3593]

"When does the next plane crash?" "At 10 o'clock this morning." "What time is it?" "It's 10 o'clock this morning."

[@SnanSGaiiaG]

4:40 had me choking on my cheescake XD

[@dudemanbro2714]

Lol I giggle like a little girl too

[@ledraps22]

+Snake Gaiden

[@4T3hM4kr0n]

+Snake Gaiden ahahaa ohh I can see why!

[@theodorbondoc6345]

Hi.

[@SnanSGaiiaG]

Howdy fella!

[@xxskyla.violettexx]

Damn these actors are good

[@AMathMonkey]

Dude, you had quite a bit of class.

[@Appleboy78165]

3:32 That doctor must be from WebMD.

[@TheVicious5150]

Appleboy78165 lmao

[@Mereltje64]

that last bit has been stuck inside my head for years, living there rent free...

[@RootedHat]

I'm so happy you came out of hibernation. thanks for your masterful work.

[@NonoNootje]

This video is set to my homepage of my webbrowser

[@timmy841212]

"Thanks for your help." "You're black?"

[@derfanddarf1]

"You have to go strai--" "Thank you for your help." "You're welcome."

[@TheN1H1LL]

no miles per hour....

[@SixtyforceYTP]

Can we also have some waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[@m0_0rgan]

Of cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[@Bloodreign1]

I come back to this one now and again, and those androids at the end just keep malfunctioning.

[@ReboyGTR]

Do you have a *maaaatch* or a *liiiighter?* *O O O O O O H H H H*

[@entropy7888]

Every one of your ytps has left me wheezing. Well done

[@SynysterShadow]

"I have class, after class I'd go to class. I have a part-time class, then after class I have class, then class at midnight or so... then I'd go to class"

[@OrangeHarrisonRB3]

0:49 A young Will Ferrell begins his career

[@TrebuL]

so many good joj in here

[@rorypenstock1763]

0:43 Having him talk at the end was the perfect punch line to that segment.

[@pabulum28]

Honestly one of my favorite moments in this entire YTP is just the first shot of seeing the older guy wearing a Village People police officer hat at 0:50; it's so goofy on him and he has this real serious look like it's the real thing.

[@danford4275]

I'm going back to college to study Collegecology

[@brunopiatto]

I watched the video again and could clearly hear someone saying "Action!" at 1:08 !

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

0:58 Is this a rented horse?

[@bruxinth4660]

When you press A on a NPC.

[@akalink77]

"I think he was black or maybe dark blue..." x,D

[@Quants0]

I imagine this is how all tourists act when asking for directions: "Excuse me, is there a bust around here? I don't know my way around the mall." "Where do you want to go?" "The mall." "You don't need to catch a bus if you're already here." "How do we get there?" "Yey. The mall is right here. You're already there." "..." "You have to go straight d-" "Thank you for your help." "You're welcome."

[@RustyDockLight]

"you aren't from around here, are you?" "Nope, I'm from home"

[@dorarobertson2897]

3:04 - 3:12 sounds like my schedule as a graduate student. I feel you, buddy.

[@JontyMaster]

"I finished eating when I finished eating." No, no, he's got a point.

[@phizgp]

2:51 "Because I'm a dick."

[@pajamapantsjack5874]

"I'm sure though that he had six feet" The drink up my nose isn't coming out help

[@pedromayorga]

lol I read the description... They really look like malfunctioning androids XD

[@davidvega462]

"Whats the problem officer?" "You were going sless in a flof." "Is this a rented horse". "The speed limit on this road is no miles per hour. Im horny." FUNNIEST YTP EVER!!!

[@jonnysimeon9193]

2:01 The dumbest but most hilarious sequence I’ve ever seen in a ytp ever 😂

[@trevorvaughan7143]

i finished eating when i finished eating damn right XD

[@AlienHavok_1211]

"When did you fish?"

[@lRedPosion]

+KarMa787 You should know

[@AlienHavok_1211]

+lRedPosion When did you finish shitting?

[@AlienHavok_1211]

+lRedPosion -Then what happened?

[@lRedPosion]

Then I saw a man with 6 feet.

[@ClassicGaminer2014]

Lol, the stutter loops got me really good. XD Nice TooT, Noisepuppet.

[@smacktard7440]

haha yup still funny in 2019....... is this a rented horse?

[@HouseOfFunQM]

It's nice to TooT!

[@smacktard7440]

@@HouseOfFunQM i saw a man who was black or maybe dark blue and he had six feet!

[@bachaddict]

Skueuks, do you have a laaal? Still hilarious in 2021!

[@tango9601]

You don't need to catch a bus if you're already here...

[@ELK1989612]

I have to say, that was one spectacular endiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[@orlandowordsmith6208]

of coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[@artoodiitoo]

"Speed limit on this road is 0 miles per hour. I´m horny". That might be a bad cop

[@EvanP88]

“Thank you for your help.” 2:45 “You’re black.” Killed me 😂

[@joshuaarmstrong8664]

That bit at the end xD everyone is having a seizure or a stroke, god this is hilarious 😆

[@McShaggswell]

I got pulled over for going ses in a fof too.

[@spencerpruitt8385]

"Conversations with malfunctioning androids." What fun!

[@slice2219]

The speed limit on this highway is no miles per hour

[@pschiptunes64]

“I think that he was black, or maybe dark blue. I’m sure, though, that he had six feet.” “Thank you for your help.” _”You’re black.”_

[@p4tworld]

did you sign all of these fooOoOoOoOrRms ?

[@CherryCoke0312]

Five Nights at English Class.

[@rorypenstock1763]

lol, that framing at 2:17.

[@Woodside235]

This is such a fantastic source.

[@JB1L]

The ending killed me XD

[@dero1975]

is this a rented horse? yes it is, here is my rectum. lol .... gets me every time

[@sitdownmarty]

That guy should no better than to go SiS in a FaF. It's dangerous.

[@ryanparoline2281]

"Dude, you had a lot of class!"

[@eliseoramos397]

The ending got me so bad, dude. Lol!!!

[@wilberforce95]

I just noticed he says "who's that hijacker?" haha

[@pigpuke]

This is like a lizard person training video on How to Human.

[@RustyDockLight]

The speed limit is NO miles per hour on this highway 🤣

[@IffyJottere]

4:45 Can we also have some Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-..."

[@bachaddict]

Of cour-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur

[@PlumfacesamaYTP]

4:49 Sounds like a lawnmower