A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Artificer

[@tactishovel2247]

Fun fact: when I first tried out the Artificer, I noticed that for the Eldritch Cannon spell, the description says that you can put legs on it. The thing is, *It didn't mention a limit,* so I created the "Spider Tank," an 8-legged eldritch cannon, and I am currently in the works of trying to create the "Eldritch Centipede," an eldritch cannon with 20 legs.

[@baylorreyna7646]

Theres nothing truly terrifying unless your able to create life’s most disgusting creature. Then strap a gun on it.

[@Nobody-xq8vj]

"Brings out flamethrower"

[@connormcconnell7805]

@@Nobody-xq8vj you fool the spider *is* the flamethrower

[@FreshmanGrimm]

Can it shoot legs tho???

[@connormcconnell7805]

@@FreshmanGrimm no

[@thealchemistking4063]

Artificer: *”I’m going to invent a combustible lemon and burn your house down”*

[@CrazyHand7894]

I see someone's a fan of Portal 2.

[@tuckermatis1572]

It's like Mom always said: "When life gives you lemons, make some grenades." Or something like that.

[@blaxidii7360]

Hahaha! Parry this you fucking casual!

[@JamIsSquared]

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your Damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

[@drclockworks4280]

We had an artificer Who did exactly that since the DM kept throwing lemons at him ( it's a bit of an inside joke) and he used said combustible lemon to burn a Griffon to death and if that wasn't enough he started dancing with the bard on top of the burned corpse

[@koboldcrusader]

Y'know, I can sum up the Artillerist subclass with one sentence: *"The primary use of this weapon is violating the Geneva Convention."*

[@tanith117]

Alchemist: who cares about the FDA?

[@Trench1919A4]

Is prop blocking a warcrime?

[@Bluecho4]

Then again, half the spells in the PHB would probably violate the Geneva Convention. Isn't that right, Heat Metal?

[@GlizzyGoblin757]

😐reddit joke war crim funy hha 😐

[@siegfried1422]

Just remember, in Faerûn, it's an optional Geneva Suggestion.

[@noblesseoblige319]

"Hahahaha Rangers." I felt that on a spiritual level

[@Bloodthirstier]

Cries in Beastmaster

[@erinkarp6317]

**Cries in Gloom Stalker**

[@the24thcolossusjustchillin39]

Let's just hope the variant class features UA makes its way into an official source book

[@echhtreme8530]

a _magical_ level?

[@catintime3917]

Cries in plains walker

[@tuseroni6085]

way i see it: wizards are to artificers what theoretical physicists are to engineers. had an engineer once demonstrate this to me as he was working on a product that levitates plastic balls with air, my thought was "calculate the terminal velocity of the balls and modulate the air output to match that speed" his method was "hook a fan to a potentiometer and dial it in til the ball floats"

[@wrennybih]

i mean, both work i suppose

[@gormauslander]

@@wrennybih one takes less time and gets stuff done

[@danielmcnaughton3213]

As a soon-to-be engineer, I wholeheartedly concur

[@tiusverit7574]

@@gormauslander other can be used in nuclear science without fear of fukunobil

[@substandard5587]

Nature will always give accurate calculations ... also my brain empty and physics can be hard.

[@blackstone1a]

Playing an Artificer be like: “Harry Potter and the Second Amendment”

[@ziyair2998]

@Viktor Magnusson i dont understand why youre saying what

[@ziyair2998]

@Viktor Magnusson second amendment, as in from the constitution. The right to bear arms, I assume you're not American?

[@Jiffles]

@Viktor Magnusson Second amendment isn't an apology or mistake, it's the right to have guns in USA.

[@blackstone1a]

Viktor Magnusson It’s a joke on how you’re a spellcaster with a gun

[@Ariaelyne]

@@Jiffles Technically it's the right to have a ready militia to defend the republic, but reading only the second part of it is fine as well (The point being a republican fear that having a standing army would lead to a military coup, hence the need of the people to be able to defend the republic)

[@marcusk.4369]

"The Alchemist can help you grow closer with your pets" TOO. SOON.

[@hiddensinix2767]

WAIT HOLY SHIT I JUST GOT THAT

[@Northstar1989]

Huh?

[@francescocastellani8690]

*cries* *in* *chimera*

[@KnightofLightfire]

Is it horrible I laughed when he made that joke?

[@7evenZee]

No why please

[@neinherman9989]

"Because keeping track of more than one thing on the board is hard, isn't that right dungeon master?" xD

[@josiahtasich6073]

I just love the unimpressed look on the DM's face that he draws. It is by far. The most accurate thing he shows about DnD: that is not to say, that I don't think some of the other things he says or does aren't accurate. But despite that picture of the DM being mainly being used as a satirical material, it is pretty true to life.

[@TrojanGamer10]

}: | Edit: Made it a little more accurate

[@gothgamergrill]

*Muffled Angry DM sounds*

[@Ghostbat007]

I felt that

[@archmagetyler]

This is why roll 20 exists.

[@ChezDispenser]

"from a vibrator to a vibe-rater" UNDERRATED JOKE.

[@pa7764]

I thought thats what he said but Vi-berater(berator?) also makes sense if that monster is called a 'Vi', and he's berating it. A long shot, vibe-rater sounds better but doesn't really fit the cartoon I thought?

[@titusshaver6983]

Patrik Axberg this comment does not pass the vibe check.

[@azericthetraveller6355]

I always thought of it as the “Vibe Raider”

[@hoppyhopper2020]

@@azericthetraveller6355 Same here

[@thesunwillneverset]

@@pa7764 You could say 'rating' something would be equivalent to 'checking' it, hence *vibe check-er*.

[@spindash64]

“I cast Eldritch Blast” “I cast Magic Missile” “I seduce” “I rage” I cast _GUN_

[@arthurnoisetier1070]

Eldritch Cannon

[@dr.eckschwein1062]

Alakablam!

[@PaulTheSkeptic]

Do you work for Apple?

[@dutchranger5530]

@@dr.eckschwein1062 this one wins

[@XtreemAlan]

Monk: *I CAST FIST*

[@geromlarayos6696]

Every other Spell Oriented class: Daniel Artificer: The cooler Daniel

[@danielpascaru5956]

Hello

[@argonburnspink1441]

Me: I throw my flask of poison at the Construct DM: It's a construct. It can't be affected by poison Me: Did i mention i imbued it with a corrodant?

[@elecstorm3701]

At 0:47 he made Markiplier's Tiny Box Tim

[@dannybeane2069]

Hey thanks buddy, I needed that.

[@jebengee9326]

aloha

[@FondlesHandles]

Made an artificer. Our rogue was a kleptomaniac, so I made some juicy bait in the firm of a locked safe I always kept near me. Always talked about it, finding ways to bring it up in game, always suspicious. Finally, our rogue got too interested in the contents, and while everyone was sleeping, picked the lock. He found out the hard way that the contents were a spring loaded boxing glove and some indelible paint.

[@operatorchakkoty4257]

That is GENIUS.

[@jellythebard654]

I aspire to reach your level of baiting

[@FondlesHandles]

@@jellythebard654 i am a master baiter

[@jennamomenna5750]

​@@FondlesHandlesW

[@jessewillason2064]

I haven't laughed that hard in a while 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@alitaher003]

Playing Artificer is like that one image of Daniel Radcliffe holding a gun in each hand.

[@leila13dnd]

Absolutely.

[@Zerpderp0]

Alakablam!

[@Doribi117]

That is actually a whole movie too, Guns Akimbo is the title, it's weird.

[@thisisacomment6061]

I literally JUST watched this movie

[@generalatlasdiamokov1354]

Pretty much

[@MythicMachina]

He mentioned my favorite classical instrument, The Cannon.

[@skyex]

Ah yes, the primary percussion instrument used in the 1812 Overture.

[@devonfortier7628]

Tchaikovsky cannons are not instruments!

[@TheIrrelevantYT]

Music to my ears.

[@devonfortier7628]

@@arthurboyle7982 kzbin.info/www/bejne/mIucXoN8mthmo68 Oh you poor sap. You've never seen this SFM. I love obscure references.....

[@atl4ska337]

Devon Fortier not with that attitude

[@stingingcashew2321]

Artificer: I'm going to defeat you with the power of science, and this gun I made

[@jlord5078]

Cleric: is it a holy gun? Artificer: I mean... It makes holes.

[@sethb3090]

@@jlord5078 "I call my cannon the Consecrator, because anyone on the receiving end becomes holy."

[@arnovanboxem2519]

sounds like senku from doctor stone

[@erikw.s.5209]

"The alchemist can help you grow close bonds with your pets" You didn't have to do that. You really didn't.

[@cdgamer7306]

Erik W. S. Don’t make me remember!!!

[@rakisuzuki-burke4148]

My artificer actually takes the Fullmetal Alchemist approach to magic. Sort of. He is an Artillerist, though.

[@benrogers9082]

@@rakisuzuki-burke4148 so the kylo ren approach? in last jedi?he sees lasers pounding into a target and he's just like MORE

[@placeholdername3521]

Angsty genocidal teen

[@bazzfromthebackground3696]

It's never soon enough.

[@hamburgersandwich4273]

Enemy: en guard Artificer: *pulls out sword and starts battling* Artificer: *throws sword* Enemy: you fool Artificer: well you see the sword was never my weapon of choice Artificer: *pulls out glock*

[@thehighwayman3122]

Or, even better, Artificer: *Throws sword* Enemy: You fool Sword: *Starts fighting on it's own* Artificer: You were saying?

[@morphingninja]

I throw my returning handax.

[@Lunar_Inferno]

I see you're a man of Slimecicle aswell

[@chairulimran9205]

Another guard: my lord is that legal?

[@xonolia5661]

Percy that you?

[@eric_moore-6126]

Rogue: Steals all of Artificer's Infused Items Artificer: moves all the infusions onto different items, making the originals mundane

[@theddexaggerator7884]

Hell yeah

[@GrassPokeKing]

Sounds like an excellent scam you can pull together

[@sethb3090]

​@@GrassPokeKing tbh I've had to resist the urge to sell infused items. It helps that one of my artificer's values is not cheating/stealing from craftsfolk and shops. But also, when you run artificer, confirm with your DM whether you can dismiss infusions like spells, because if you can there are some fun shenanigans you can pull. My character got mugged once and talked his way out of it by just handing over an item, dismissing infusion, and convincing the muggers that anything relevant he had on him would just stop working if they took it. And that doesn't even begin to cover the shenanigans you can pull by dismissing a Bag of Holding while it's full of stuff.

[@michaelbanks1000]

@@sethb3090 lol once, I put a bag of holding in another bag of hold next to my cleptomaniac rogue. Then proceeded to push him into the portal that opened up. When the party asked me where the rogue went I told them they went to get some milk from the market.

[@UltimusMagus]

@@michaelbanks1000 Then the rogue re-appears from a random portal to say "My Da' disappeared on his way to get some milk, too!" Then disappears again.

[@DonTinker]

Wizard: I'm the nerdiest class on D&D Artificer: Hold my +1 Beer

[@iddomargalit-friedman3897]

Best comment here

[@Y0G0FU]

No no no no! DO NOT hold his +1 Beer thats a trap!

[@zetaking2909]

like 99% sure neither of them have the CON to handle a beer +1.... and both will cause different but equally horrible/awesome outcomes if they try

[@x808drifter]

Bard laughs a both of and proceeds to seduce the druid.

[@daviddaugherty2816]

Paladin smites her for cheating on her.

[@nickotronick7725]

*Mentions Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture: Me: I'll go get the howitzers, lord Sword & Shield

[@krvys7226]

"Tchaikovsky no" "Tchaikovsky YES!"

[@SpaceJawa]

@@krvys7226 "TCHAIKOVSKY ALWAYS YES!"

[@zlatko8051]

TAKE COVERRRRRR

[@zlatko8051]

Also who the hell took the fuses

[@cruelcimmcia859]

I laughed so hard when he said it, he's my favorite composer !

[@BigJubble]

I kinda miss the old artificer before this more official one came out, mostly because I enjoyed having the magical shotgun called a thunder cannon that canonically sounds like the clap of Thor's asscheeks when fired, with roughly the same destructive power.

[@finderfinder4290]

Well the ua armorer subclass has thunder canons, so it looks like they arent abandoning all cut features

[@SenorFluffy]

I only slightly miss my life before reading this

[@stefanusbayu1426]

Read it with techpriest's sounds

[@kelmirosue3251]

Kinda sound like Crap Guide. Do you too worship the sword and shield?

[@BigJubble]

@@kelmirosue3251 Nah, more of a greatsword/lance kind of guy in MHW.

[@ASquared544]

Rogue: “Hehehe, imma steal from the party” The Alarm, Snare, Glyph of Warding, Animated Objects and Mechanical Companion, Curses, Pitfalls, and Falling rocks set before the Long Rest: “Helo”

[@connormcconnell7881]

My artificer who has been at odds with the rouge the whole time and just woke up to him stealing his stuff "dodge that b***h"

[@Cutie_Amor]

dont forget the gun of the now fully awake artificer. Perry this you frickin casual

[@voodooozo3755]

Thats a cute pfp

[@RBAWintrow]

You killed him so hard, he died, to death!

[@karltheskitarii4941]

Fun tip, use a bag of holding with glyph of warding to own a pocket nuke that the gods fear

[@DavidTriphon]

1:47 "Can help you grow closer bonds with your pets!" Edward...

[@matt-ti8yw]

Edward, Edward... big brother Edward.

[@oligb1469]

@@matt-ti8yw NOPE! You just nope

[@matt-ti8yw]

@@oligb1469those words and the scene they went with will be forever written in my memory.

[@oligb1469]

@@matt-ti8yw Yep and I have no Idea if you will read this cuz the last attempts got deleted

[@SairinEarthsea]

I was looking for this comment just so I could cry. ;-;

[@KanuckStreams]

Can confirm that the "Item Dupe Glitch" is absolute nonsense. Me and my two party members (me a Sorcerer, other members are a Wizard and an Artificer) were about to go into a boss fight against a dragon, we were Level...2? 3? Either way, not high and this fight would be tough. After a few minutes of discussion on what to do, and going over what powers the Artificer had, we decided that she would duplicate the Wand of Magic Missiles I had to make two more. After confirming through double-checking the rulebook and asking the DM, we did the duplications, all sneaked into the boss room, then unloaded all seven charges of all three wands into the boss. Twenty-seven d4+27 damage later, the DM described how the dragon was killed before it even woke up as it was effectively Macross Missile Massacre'd in the span of three seconds.

[@crimsonwizahd2358]

You guys basically unloaded a Magic Missile mini gun barrage on that poor dragon....XD

[@romanc7658]

This is the fun shit i hope to have one day in dnd

[@Shaun_Jones]

“Order up! One dragon, fresh-ground and well-done!”

[@sarahb.7175]

Dragon got a twenty-one wand salute.

[@JaelinBezel]

As a wise man once said: “if gun not solve problem, just use more gun.”

[@jackunova7284]

Quick question: Is Slibs coincidentally the goblin that made friends with the tank mage in the wizard video?

[@jackunova7284]

Oh cool! I got a pin. Thanks! EDIT: Holy. I wasn't expecting that comment to get so popular. Thanks for 1.1K, so far, as well as a pin.

[@TheGuardDuck]

I guess that's a "yes"?

[@tenacityxl]

It is now!

[@maximsavage]

Waaaaaar magic-is-like Tank Mage, getting-lots-of Defense, flexing-as-you-cast BLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCK!

[@mostlyjoe]

Kobold, but yes.

[@3onito]

I’ve been seeing a lot of Fullmetal Alchemist references here... I love it.

[@AaronCorr]

Bringing you and your pet closer...

[@aspacegamer92]

I also would love it if not for that horrific Szene in Fullmetal Alchemist BH ..... ahhh i can‘t forget it

[@dragonITH-nk3yk]

I haven't really watched FMA but I know enough about it to know that Sho Tucker is a right bastard.

[@OmegaGamer04]

@Thatguywiththestuffies KZbin page. Don't want to spoil anything but he is still a bastard in that one as well.

[@Soraking007]

The cannon is a reference to the show as well also the ps2 game

[@leffeup8117]

I love the description in tashas cauldron for artillerist. Its something along the lines of: “some artificers ask the real questions, could there be more collateral damage?”

[@swampy7116]

"Hey look buddy I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems. Not problems like 'what is beauty?' because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems."

[@xenocross6597]

@@swampy7116 For example: What if some mean mother hubbard is trying to tear me a structurally superflous new behind? The answer? Use a gun.

[@exohammer1]

Ah, yes, the three artificer subclasses: Alcoholic, Engineer and Log.

[@kylenguyen7371]

🎵 Everyone loves a Log! 🎶 - Ren & Stimpy

[@aaronwebb1548]

What goes down stairs, alone or in pairs, Runs over your neighbour's dog? It's great for a snack, it fits on your back, It's log log log!

[@SerKnightGuy]

Don't forget the new one! The one that talks to rocks.

[@facelessidiot6407]

Praise Oreyara I guess?

[@zoestrassfield248]

And the one who got cut, 1-800-Psychic-Friends.

[@cardboardbox331]

0:29 “the stat is about as common as your room is for sexy times” Man that hit home

[@panda_commanda]

once? twice by now.. I think

[@noddarkwolf]

Nope never

[@panda_commanda]

Ouch Our Feelings

[@johnstarinieri7360]

I feel attacked

[@Xtoff]

At least SOMETHING will touch you

[@Pluveus]

1:20 This makes me want to create a Pixie NPC that buffs the party and starts each buff with "Hey!" "Listen!" and "Watch out!"

[@Y0G0FU]

You will die a Horrible Death. Either the DM or the Party will do everything it takes to kill that Pixie ;P

[@r.alexandercorbitt1554]

Aww!

[@DLBookTheGamer]

So essentially every pixie in video games ever.

[@owlking195]

Fey bard?

[@Vespuchian]

0:27 Awww, I just noticed everyone's favourite Charisma-casting couple is holding hands. I love these continuity gags.

[@maximsavage]

Holy shit, he made it canon!

[@justanaverageferret]

@@maximsavage well yes, i believe they got married in the warlock vid. It was a wonderful wedding until the warlock got bored and eldrich- *BLAST*

[@maximsavage]

@@justanaverageferret Welp, now I gotta re-watch that video. Can't say I'm mad about it though, it was a good video.

[@NevisYsbryd]

@@maximsavage Nah, he made it cannon. Artificer needs vengeance for that eldritch blast.

[@thomasallen9974]

You can try to say no to the Bard only so long and then its a Nat 20 your in that bed half naked

[@Kaarl_Mills]

"The stat is as commonly used for spellcasting as your bedroom is used for sexy times" Damn not even Anakin got roasted that hard

[@BookWyrmOnAString]

Should I leave the 70th like or leave perfection as it is?

[@magmat0585]

harsh, but not inaccurate... :/

[@WildDragonSong]

His burns are stronger than *the high ground.*

[@rossstone3885]

But the intelligence state IS used... so that means my bedroom eventually will be used for sexy times? Let’s hope

[@boserzipfelmann4629]

Technically, TECHNICALLY, not that hard of a roast. There are 4 classes that use INT as a spellcasting ability (Wizards and Artificer, obviously, but also the subclasses Eldritch Knight and Arcane trickster). Besides those, there are 7 other classes using different spellcasting abilities. So, 4 times out of 11 the use of ones bedroom would be sexy time. Since (usually) one uses the bedroom to sleep in, (usually) once per day, that would make 4 instances of sexy time per 7 instances of sleepy time. Getting laid 4 times a week doesnt sound half bad at all, especially considering the other person (or persons) involved in aforementioned sexy time also has a bedroom to be used! Thereby, my point stands, that the poor slave/mommas boy/racing prodigy/jedi-knight/child-murderer you mention got roasted significantly more thoroughly than the dear viewer did. ...except for this one here, since I use my room to watch nerdy DnD-Videos at 1 AM and taking 15 minutes to make a reply to a perfectly funny comment, that did not whatsoever require any smartassing, technical correction.

[@manicseacucumbers4194]

Am I allowed to make my artificer’s backstory something like “they were kicked out of magic school and is running from the law due to a certain incident concerning a handheld eldritch cannon”

[@AndorRadnai]

Call them Chad Kovsky and you may..!

[@JaelinBezel]

Dude I came up with an npc from my character's backstory who is a goblin forge cleric/artificer who, last he heard, was working on a giant cannon with rotating glyphs that is supposed to repeatedly cast Fireball at a rate of twice per second. Needless to say, she is now forbidden from working on her inventions on temple grounds.

[@capitantonayan9370]

@@AndorRadnai don't mind me, i'm gonna steal the name for my next artificer

[@AndorRadnai]

@@capitantonayan9370 Please do!

[@Y0G0FU]

My Artificer Backstory: Wanted to do Magic but somehow it didnt work out. Depressed he someday saw a Machine explode and went thinking: I DO THIS INSTEAD! So now he throws explosives instead of fireballs and buffs his gear ;P

[@JoCat]

anyone curious of I'm doing any other crap guide to dnd videos, my most recent Q&A answers that pretty well

[@cardboardbox331]

I was just happy you were still doing it

[@cardboardbox331]

AMELIA NOLAN that is... extravageant

[@isamuddin1]

Soo...... when the fight with that wizard gonna start?

[@Rjthewolf]

[@gagamer7251]

I feel like the artilerist is just TF2's demoman on magical steroids

[@tenacityxl]

Artificer: the hipster wizard who is apparently really good at robotics.

[@davidebombardelli8255]

or the alter ego of the pathfinder alchemist

[@LordDragox412]

Artificer is just a mechanic who wasn't told there was magic in DnD.

[@paige_404]

@@davidebombardelli8255 Or just... the Artificer from 3.5's Eberron setting

[@davidebombardelli8255]

@@paige_404 Is that really old?

[@paige_404]

@@davidebombardelli8255 older than Pathfinder's Alchemist

[@caleb688]

Alchemist: I love the smell of Napalm in the morning. Smells like… VICTORY. Artillerist: Hey, look, buddy. I’m an Engineer. Battlesmith: Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?

[@jexiagalleta4712]

And that means I solve problems

[@demi-femme4821]

@@jexiagalleta4712 Not problems like "What is beauty?", because that would fall under the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.

[@dragonarchive7443]

I solve practical problems * takes a sip of beer, heavy dying in the background *

[@epsreborn9718]

@@dragonarchive7443 "For instance, how am I gonna stop a big mean mother hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?" *cut to a turret turning sharply and gunning down someone offscreen*

[@simonevans2552]

Armorer: "I will endure a thousand deaths before I yield"

[@WingZX1103]

It’s almost an unwritten rule that any subclass that involves a pet has to be better than beast master ranger

[@jakkaljakobie8774]

As someone whose played along a beastmaster ranger and a beastmaster Hunter in wow, I can confirm you are correct.

[@goldlink567]

"Closer bonds with pets" *Shows Nina and Alexander* Wow, dark. Funny, but dark.

[@Potato-yd3hv]

Ed...ward...

[@gavinli1368]

Nee... san...

[@beruman]

the monster! :o

[@magiv4205]

@@Potato-yd3hv NO.

[@crodthesorrysap4165]

Tis sad

[@magpiewillow]

The artillerist artificer looks at the bard with a smile, "Tchaikovsky" he says with a nod. A sinister smile grows on the bards face as he readies his violin. The bard, playing the 1812 Overture casts Otto's Irresistible Dance, and the artificer, with his cannon ready, fires in time with the bard. The party stands stunned, unsure of what they are seeing, but clearly understanding that they shouldn't let those two within twenty feet of each other ever again.

[@sethb3090]

Can confirm, bard/artificer pair can drop the sickest of beats

[@lupenngrimpaw936]

That good person, is beautiful.

[@sarahb.7175]

I'm designing an artificer, and I'm screenshotting this for eternity.

[@KX231-c3o]

G U N M U S I C

[@cubeofcompanioning]

That... that FMA reference was uncalled for But amazing xD

[@DHTheAlaskan]

It was hilarious

[@Nephritesword]

YEAH EHKSDEE

[@oligb1469]

Good dogie... I just made my self cry...

[@RedNovaStorm]

1:36 Ah yes, my 3 favourite sub-classes: Alcohol, Gun and Log.

[@tkurz3071]

Praise Oreyara!

[@vijayanand6650]

I realized this class officially came out for 5e after JoCat started this series. There aren’t nearly as many stereotypes for this class. Which means JoCat gets to help create those stereotypes.

[@dali3839]

Hoarders that distract themselves easily and hyperfixates over things easily. They also collect stuff from the ground...

[@deltaphant_]

When you said you'd be taking a break in November I didn't expect a video December 1st, but I am not complaining to ANY extent

[@pathfindersavant3988]

"And help you grow closer with your pets" *[screaming resumes again]*

[@haosmagnaingram6992]

Nina has such a perfect bond with her dog Alexander, they’re practically inseparable

[@oswaldpowers7776]

what is wrong with you?!?

[@FortuneBlackAnimations]

How do you delete someone else’s post

[@maxmartin274]

I'm gonna make a Bardificer. I have a big gun that plays Flight of the Valkyries every time it shoots

[@spindash64]

You better make a magical helicopter to go with it

[@Zombiewithabowtie]

I want to use this multiclass with a Warforged and make Big Band from Skullgirls

[@gingerinajacket8519]

@@spindash64 Then it would play Fortunate Son, would it not

[@warmachine5835]

@@gingerinajacket8519 you haven't seen Apocalypse Now have you? Charlie don't surf.

[@mercwiththemouthsnewphone6798]

@@Zombiewithabowtie Yes

[@DavidTriphon]

"We all have our weird urges but seriously get a server room" I am definitely using this phrase with my friends.

[@stephenflint3640]

Indeed!,

[@DARknight-kp5ef]

I have a programming class, this quote is absolutely perfect

[@Zahnpuppy]

"close bonds with their pets" me- dies a lot inside. thanks for reminding me bud.

[@haosmagnaingram6992]

Ed... ward

[@jordanpritchard5226]

@@haosmagnaingram6992 You are grounded! "So is Hughes." *FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-!!!*

[@bradreed2001]

@@jordanpritchard5226 I just finished that episode ten minutes ago. It almost rained in my house

[@danielpage1429]

@@bradreed2001 Its a terrible day for rain.

[@danielpage1429]

Always too soon.

[@little_wintry3098]

"Alchemist can help you grow closer with your pets" me: damn, really? lemme check out that class- *while looking over class details *joke suddenly clicks me: waIT-

[@ohno6528]

I dont understand...

[@demonminer8093]

@@ohno6528 watch fulmetal alchemist, and you'll get it.

[@timwoods2852]

@@ohno6528 Or don't, if you still want a working heart.

[@ohno6528]

@@timwoods2852 did they kill the cat

[@timwoods2852]

@@ohno6528 It has to do with the girl and the dog he showed on screen.

[@chicagobreed502]

This video was so big brain I crafted another sword and shield

[@theflaasmomflyr8691]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@KanuckStreams]

"Isn't that right, Dungeon Master?" *gasp* JoCat addressed me personally! And yes, it is a PAIN.

[@giuseppecapici581]

"Magic Is dumb and stupid and makes no sense" -any demacian soldier

[@bthsr7113]

Those guys and gals are mostly paladins and fighters. Artificers are more like Piltover and Zaun.

[@beast_pasta2392]

Would that make Noxus barbarians?

[@giuseppecapici581]

@@beast_pasta2392 probably, and most ionians should be monks, or at least some of them

[@SilentGlaceon94]

@@beast_pasta2392 Eh, Kat and Talon are rouges, Draven's a bard (Gladiator), Darius is a fighter, and Cassie's a mage.

[@atocanboi409]

I guess that makes Aurelion Sol the DM

[@TheInsider15]

"And suddenly you wake up to the sound of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture." Someone's a fan of Ratchet and Clank I take it?

[@Someone-sq8im]

yES.

[@articusramos808]

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT RYNO?!

[@robertsilvermyst7325]

Or V for Vendetta

[@tomhill3248]

Eh? I love Ratchet and clank but even I don't get that one.

[@Alakaizer]

@@tomhill3248 the RYNO V in A Crack in Time played it while you fired it.

[@kayleestout6436]

So, I'm a new DM that specializes in new players, and I always show them your videos before they even get to make their characters. So the first 30 minutes of the creation session is us dying of laughter and some of them actually learning something.

[@nintendocaprimoon63]

The Armorer in TCE is literally just being iron man, it's fantastic

[@charlescrews1623]

Dude Ik my dm let me pretty have two active at once I just switch between them and allows me to make modifications

[@sethb3090]

@@charlescrews1623 RAW you can change your armor type during a long rest

[@stm7810]

@@sethb3090 short rest actually only takes 1 hour, it also replaces any missing body parts.

[@sethb3090]

@@stm7810 seriously? That's so dumb...meanwhile, artillerist has to use a long rest to switch to a different arcane focus

[@stm7810]

@@sethb3090 I guess changing what you wear is easier than the arcane, please ignore that mechanically speaking it is flat out cyberware.

[@travvyyyy8437]

So basically, “I’m not like other wizards”

[@jorgecabrera3694]

You see...I'm not the same wizard you face, I'm a super wizard

[@thornangel16]

Why be a wizard when you can be Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius.

[@kanjigodomo9696]

@@thornangel16 Don't you mean Mud?

[@thornangel16]

@@kanjigodomo9696 Yes.

[@knightx605]

Arcane Tricksters use Intelligence for their "casting".

[@elsquisheeone]

0:27 aww, bard and paladin are holding hands

[@abyssdreamer6286]

Too bad the bard can’t keep it in their pants )’:

[@Reginald_Ritmo]

No its fine. They were wed in the warlock episode

[@abyssdreamer6286]

pixels GamR oh dang yay

[@tafua_a]

They're married after all

[@Zombiewithabowtie]

@@Reginald_Ritmo The ceremony went almost flawlessly... "I now declare you wed. You may kiss the- *ELDRITCH BLRAAAAP* "

[@mistwraith8260]

"and can help you grow closer bonds with your pets" Me: *somehow manages to choke on air*

[@TeamOneDay]

"Get a server room" *Underrated joke.*

[@KingWoop72]

My fave class got the roast it so desperately deserves Thank you JoCrap

[@lokiijustwannasleep7865]

SmoothCitrus omg JoCrap. thank you so much XD

[@JoCat]

you're welcome

[@mavorenborsteel6765]

Artificer: *Pulls out Gun* BEHOLD THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL OF ALL! ARE YOU READY TO MEET GOD?

[@NerdyCatCoffeeee]

collateral damage? more like unidentified enemy combatants

[@articusramos808]

Gunmage: sweet...but what caliber?

[@riadirige7804]

"and no im not gonna cover all the new classes. Shut up 'cause I want to take a vacation with my sword and shield already" Classic.

[@Nap1300]

I just realized Bard is holding hands with Paladin now. Adorable.

[@danielf.7151]

OMg I hadn't noticed until you pointed it out. Cute

[@Daelyah]

Bard can seduce the pants off of _anyone..._ 😆

[@djmccarthy4859]

Where, the Bard is on the other side of the table from the ELF PALADIN

[@danielf.7151]

@@djmccarthy4859 They meant at 0:27

[@Introbulus]

@@danielf.7151 Thank you.

[@theimperiumofman102]

There’s a friend in our party who picked artificer and they have the alchemy jug, and they refuse to stop making Mayonnaise with it, it has gotten to the point at which the DM has said they have a lowered charisma because of the pungent smell of several gallons of rancid Mayo.

[@stm7810]

but they're just making an instrument.

[@theimperiumofman102]

@@stm7810 I played as a bard and I would not touch that with a 10ft immovable rod

[@stm7810]

@@theimperiumofman102 funny enough an artificer can become proficent in more instruments than a bard.

[@lodoly3368]

Man, we really need a crap guide to Dungeon Master.

[@Chatedh]

That's actually an amazing idea!

[@chaotk15]

I agree.

[@Snivy2ServineVideos]

That’s such a good idea!

[@drakinjade2558]

Guys, he's going to make it, just be patient. XD

[@AndresFlores-xp4so]

I think that will be the last episode

[@GatsbyMusic]

Artilerist be like: *hey look buddy I'm an engineer*

[@enigmaodell6806]

I solve problems. practical problems.

[@MissFeatherstone]

Not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.

[@irregularassassin6380]

Problems like, 'how am I gonna stop some mean Mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?'

[@katelystt]

the answer is a gun, and if that don't work... use more gun.

[@brem-]

Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me.

[@xenotundra3346]

When you’re playing a beast master and the party paladin befriends a wolf and the DM gives them your entire subclass for free .-.

[@1098234567]

"Just make sure you lock them up so the rogue doesnt steal them." Let me just say, as a rogue, this is super good advice

[@sirpotatoaim4578]

and yes, cannons are instuments

[@aquila4460]

I mean yeah, you can loot a lock as well.

[@connormcconnell7881]

I make a homebrew rule that I have to give the other person the ability to use them so I don't wake up to 18 12 ovicher

[@obsidianbeast6308]

As a guy who plays as artillerist with a kleptomaniac wizard I be more worried about the wizard trying to get their hands on it

[@snore178]

YOU STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM MY WING MOUNTED CALTROP DROPPER

[@uniporndev8390]

"And help you have stronger bonds with your pets" Yikes that got dark.

[@ThortackNezzerack]

"Edward, why does it hurt?"

[@patrickbuckley7259]

It's always too soon to joke about that, it's always too soon.

[@codyriddle1424]

BBEG: “You fools! You have wasted all of your spells trying to damage me, but you have all failed.” Artificer: “BEHOLD: The most powerful spell of all... I CAST BULLET!”

[@dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668]

"Hey Barbarian, you can use your muscles to lift that thing" Omochao the Artificer

[@Renorick1]

"Lift with your legs!" "Straighten your back!" "Widen your stance!"

[@DownWithLogic]

Rafiki voice: "The king, has returned."

[@mr.doodles5573]

I literally heard this

[@Jenazad.]

"Tiny Box Tim" long time no see little buddy...

[@cassidywoodliff]

Jenazad So happy I’m not the only one who noticed it!

[@Elery7335]

Same

[@marbles4442]

Yesh

[@arlinabloodgrave]

Does this mean that Markiplier is an Artificer if he was a D&D class lol

[@ForeverLovePizza]

I figured I wouldn't have been the only person to see that.

[@luckyisdumb6396]

0:47 Tiny box Tim? I haven't seen you in years jesus

[@kchgamer1788]

Lucky isDumb HEY HERE WE GO, I was looking for it

[@SolstaceWinters]

Weirdly, I did, in Mark's video today "3 Scary Games: #34".

[@luckyisdumb6396]

@@SolstaceWinters I watched that video today after this one and I was started having a crisis. I don't know why my brain just decided to go into crisis mode

[@necroarcanistxiii]

Well, Markiplier hasn't really featured Tim in a lot of videos lately, a mascot's gotta make a living somehow. Sad when a creator's fandom jokes start to fade away.

[@magnusvaldez3201]

Yaaayyy tiny box Tim cameo

[@lenaoxton3999]

Vibrator to Vibe-Rater Yep, JoCat is one cunning linguist.

[@eternityvoid1158]

ayyyyy

[@michaellyle859]

0:32 “What hit points? I have AC” I felt that one so much. I’m playing an artificer in my group’s current campaign and due to a combination of blur and my enhanced defense shield my DM hasn’t hit me with a single direct attack yet. Only splash damage and puzzle/trap things like flame throwers.

[@mongodroid4842]

what is your DM's discord? i want to tell him about something that starts with "Dex Saves"

[@riccardocastiglioni1611]

"I'm not covering the new subclasses!" Ok, fair.... but what about the Races?

[@krvys7226]

He hasn't covered any of the races yet, sooooo.....

[@TheOverArchiver]

I believe he said he would, but don’t quote me on that.

[@Kai_Mercer]

@@TheOverArchiver "I believe he said he would but dont quote me on that"

[@michaelmarksman743]

The king Of flames Nice

[@TheOverArchiver]

The king Of flames Ha ha.

[@ivyengelharte8821]

"Im going to be dropping the crap guide series" Top 10 lies of all time

[@joeljokivuori1059]

"Can power up their allies by drinking and gambling" I have found my true class.

[@Pasta_Parade]

1:37 AWWW ITS LOG!!! Good to see you still got some Rat in ya.

[@dercarrot991]

0:57 that, that’s just cold Alchemist: “You can get closer to your pets” GOD DAMMIT WHY YOU GOTTA DO THIS

[@commandercaptain4664]

This. I feel ya.

[@yourfriendlyneighborhoodwa54]

Just be happy that he didn’t have an excuse to bring up Maes.

[@highqualitywritinginstrument]

"The artificer can help you grow closer to your pets" Wanna know what percentage of the audience got that 😳

[@tristanmorrell6269]

“A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Dungeon Master” anyone?

[@JoCat]

my Q&A answers that

[@rubiroman8121]

Why isint the artificers in ny players handbook

[@chaoticzer0688]

Rubi Roman It’s a new class that’s not in the PHB I believe it came out in the Guide to Ebberon. Just google the class and you’ll get what you need

[@ConjureKarp]

The Artificer is a goblin. *_THATS TOO ADORABLE!!_*

[@sikuku5957]

Goblinslayer enters the chat.

[@LordDragox412]

Spurt was the first artificer.

[@SilvrSavior]

CAP (Crap Adventure Party): Hello fellow adventure how may we help you? Goblin Slayer: "I'm here to check if your goblin is a good goblin." CAP: He certainly is! He is right over there. GS: It doesn't look that good. CAP: What do you mean? GS: It's breathing.

[@barrybend7189]

Gork and Mork: happy Ork noises.

[@CathrineMacNiel]

@@LordDragox412 How long do Kobolds live, ... Spurt?

[@samuelparchment1908]

Aw, the Bard and Paladin are holding hands in the group caster shot. That is just adorable.

[@andrewpenn1145]

Well, that just sounds like Dr. Stone with extra steps.

[@PaperiLiidokki]

Nice! Well played sir well played indeed

[@krvys7226]

It's not extra steps. While senku shows his work, he still skips some of those steps. But yes, it's very much Dr. Stone

[@nonamemage6599]

Pretty much

[@theimpossiblethespian6974]

Even those these were crap guides, they really did help me understand a bit more about the classes and figure out which one is probably best for me instead of reading through a long overly detailed book or website and search for about an hour before finding the thing I was trying to understand or was curious about. And I had a lot of laughs while watching. So thank you so much for taking the time to make this a thing, and a great thing! I’m very glad I found your channel through this series! Can’t wait to see more of the other cool things you do!

[@IrishSoyBoy]

0:26 The paladin and bard are holding hands. The lore is expanding.

[@trevorroscoe2245]

I literally just rewatched some of your other DND videos, dreaming of when it comes back

[@oivatank]

0:46 In the distance: _"My little biscuit!"_

[@ClamMimic]

"He's so tiiny!"

[@JohnnyDoeman]

0:10 Well, there's now ProjektMelody and her Science Team. So, this was a pretty accurate guess.

[@joelpeary3172]

It has returned Long live the sword and sheild.

[@rohamm_9238]

“Help’s you grow closer bonds with your pets” 1:48 this is too much depression in my Jocat video

[@Y0G0FU]

I tinkering with the Idea to make a Yarrrticifier. A Pirate that was responsible for the cannons on the Ship and developed magic abilities through it to a Point where his crew could swear the cannons talk.

[@ThisManIsBored87]

Tiny Box Tim, that’s all I will say.

[@declanberkstresser5870]

Finally somewone said something

[@renatoafonsomaiacarneiro950]

TY ;)

[@fellout2555]

I was,looking for that reference in the comments

[@raptormaverick4774]

I was gonna post about it but about time someone else did

[@DARknight-kp5ef]

ALL HAIL THE TINY TIM!

[@generalbacon7476]

That's some brave words from someone with in fireball cannon range

[@simplylaurajane]

"Can help you grow closer with your pets" That was unnecessary and uncalled for, sir.

[@pengun8683]

0:26 The Paladin is holding the Bard’s hand. Yes!

[@LordThomasPassion]

A paladin with a teefling? Really?

[@pengun8683]

Don’t you kink-shame them.

[@mikerueffer579]

@@pengun8683 kink shamming is my kink!

[@roguepsykerhaaker4813]

@@LordThomasPassion I mean, caring for someone despite their cursed lineage is pretty paladin tbh

[@althelor]

@@roguepsykerhaaker4813 besides, paladins aren't inherently "holy" or anti-demon contrary to popular belief. Their power comes from their oath specifically, which could really be anything. So a paladin getting together with someone with demon blood is not at all off the table.

[@cinnamondreams]

There's an artificer in a campaign I play. Somehow convinced the dm to give him a gun. Also ran into a burning building to save said gun. Don't forget the creepy robot sidekick that is a bi-pedal bear with human hands. That same bear has also managed to replace a horse, carrying 4 people. Artificer is also a snobby rich kid with his own dm played guard that is 3 levels above te party. The actual person has insane luck and gets several nat 20's every 3 hour session. The dice aren't loaded.

[@Draco_WarriorEX]

lmao, "alchemist can help you grow closer to your pets", and that picture. Perfect.

[@MariaThePotterNut]

Three things: 1) The bit of Bard and Paladin holding hands melted my cold dead heart just a bit. You go Bard, you got your girl! 2) Tiny Box Tim! 3) ...O...ni...chan?