ALL worlds are Deathworlds... Right? | Best of r/HFY | 1855 | Humans are space orcs | Terrans are OP

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{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:06 ALL worlds are Deathworlds... Right?
#ScienceFiction #Storytime #SciFi
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Podcast is Called : ASN Humans Are Space Orcs , HFY and other stories
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This Story is Classified as HFY or Humanity Feck, Yea , but what does the Mean?
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture. In These stories Humans are often referred to as Human, Humanity, Deathworlder, Hellwolder in reference to the human planet of origin , Earth. This planet is seen by most of the universe as a place where only death and chaos can survive.
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Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
Humans Are Space Orcs (HASO) or Humans Are (Fantasy Race) Are used as a guide when writing.
In these Stories we normally View humans like the other races view orcs in a Fantasy Novel. We (Humans) share the same characteristics and personalities as orcs. Humans are normally treated as the outsiders and barbarians. Humans tend to be underestimated as well in these stories. Unlike Humanity Feck Yea , these don't always put a positive spin on humans\humanity sometimes looking at the darker side of human and humanity from the perspective of aliens.
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[@seatbelttruck]

"H-how are you even alive?" "Hmmm? Well, it helps that most bears are afraid of humans." *Mass exodus from the classroom*

[@skepticalmagos_101]

Until you meet a Moonbear.... Baloo from Jungle book in real life has no chill 😂

[@seatbelttruck]

@@skepticalmagos_101 Had to google that because I'd never heard an Asiatic Black Bear called that before. I thought Baloo was supposed to be a Sloth Bear? Also, I was mostly thinking about Polar Bears as the exception. They literally don't fear humans as a species, instead of just certain individuals like other types of bears.

[@dynamicworlds1]

And why are bears and so many other dangerous animals on Earth scared of humans? Because we spent basically the entirety of our specie's existence hunting and killing for revenge every single predator that killed any human...which means we engaged in an instinctive selective breeding program beyond the scale of even our own comprehension of all the large land predators of the entire planet until we had bread "do not bite humans or they will kill you" into most of them in the same way that they learned to instinctively avoid brightly colored frogs to avoid poison and the buzzing of bees to avoid being stung. And then AFTER that we finally figured out farming. In other words, we are, in a sense, the mammalian version of the hornet: so violently insane and tending to live in groups that even things that can reliably take us 1v1 steer clear of us when possible. It's no wonder cats saw us as a species they could understand and get along with, those adorable fluffy murder balls.

[@sgtwhisker26]

@@seatbelttruck Black bears are pussies but the white and brown variety are another story

[@osterpenpen9379]

"Oh, that's easy. Humans like to form social groups, and work together to defend the group from threats. It's why we're always so eager to make friends. For most of our species' existence, our survival depended on it."

[@morescodesup2087]

How humans managed to survive? It’s because of our love of throwing pointy sticks

[@metaempiricist]

Eat, run, fight, survive...throw.

[@xavierzaxavier5873]

And also because our crazy creativity to make new thing and wage war....

[@eliandervalderen5849]

One of the easiest ways to make friends among kids? Prove that you're badass enough to be awesome!

[@jacobharris6606]

And rocks don't forget rocks

[@lawrence8871]

Most of warfare is just figuring out how to throw something harder than the other guy.

[@garysmith3037]

Classroom of students terrified of a housecat: "What do you mean you keep those creatures as pets?!" Human: "Just the little ones." Classroom: 'What do you mean 'little ones'?"

[@satibel]

The smallest ones are the most efficient predators, luckily they only eat small animals.

[@keithedwards9953]

Now show them a Tibetan mastiff, lmao!

[@neuralmute]

Next in the video - a Siberian tiger.

[@Tasarran]

"Yeah, the big ones were only used for entertainment... We used to put them in big tent shows mainly for children, until it was eventually decided it was too cruel to the cats."

[@godsavethequeen4675]

@@Tasarran imagine you’re a xeno and you hear that me personally I’m leaving the galaxy

[@verilyheld]

Julie= This is a lion, that's a lioness, this is a lion pride. The class= frightened. Julie= And this is a wildlife rehabilitation centre, where we see humans interacting with lions, cheetahs, hyenas . . . why? Well, we like them, and we like it when they like us . . .

[@anadaere6861]

Julie: But the worst of all, is this small insect Aliens: But it's small? Julie: It's a mosquito... one of the deadliest lifeforms on earth and is humanity's second greatest killer Aliens: So what's the first Julie: Humans... a guy named Genghis Khan once reduced the worlds carbon emissions by killing 10 percent of the population of the world

[@rodrigoandorinha9259]

You can question the way but not the outcome

[@carlfranz6805]

Sorry but not even close.

[@fishboy3612]

@@carlfranz6805in reference to what?

[@dantefortheparty]

​@@carlfranz6805what the 10% or the Mosquito because both are pretty accurate.

[@flinfake]

​@@dantefortheparty OP says humans are humanities greatest killer, worse than mosquitos. This doesn't math. Disease, with the aid of malnutrition, has always been how most people die. Violence only comes into the running once you add qualifiers and narrow the selection criteria.

[@basbarbeque6718]

Imagine; You've lived your entire life thinking a particular animal is a vicious beast capable of tearing you limb from limb. The fear you feel towards this creature keeps you up at night. And then the person sitting next to you in class says they want to "pet the cute little thing" with not a hint of sarcasm.

[@jedi-rl1hq]

I would unirronicly probably shit myself or look at them in complete horror and get a solid 10 foot clearing of them

[@satibel]

Humans seeing aliens having tamed bears: "oh, nice." And all the other aliens fainting.

[@moteroargentino7944]

It must be human bias, but I would think that they're absolutely badass. Wouldn't fear them as long as they're friendly. Who doesn't want a badass friend?

[@Losttoanyreason]

To be fair from some of the other stories i found a lot of these aliens are like tissue paper compared to terrestrial life so a house cat probabaly could kill a lot of them. LOL.

[@leocush2653]

​@@Losttoanyreasonin another story it's said that alcohol is super deadly for nearly all members of the galactic community. Just imagine the horror they'd feel seeing a liquor store and their human friend telling them "I'm just getting a few things for the party later. Getting a big bottle just for myself. What's your poison of choice?"

[@mrmors1344]

how to instill fear at every meeting with aliens ever. step one; make sure you have the slow turning armchair. step 2; have fluffy cat in lap. step three; hug and give all the attention to house cat and talk in baby voice to it. bonus for cat that purrs loudly enough to hear from a few feet away. step four; profit.

[@UNSCPILOT]

Small to medium sized happy dogs may also be used for this process, dog kisses will especially get quite a reaction

[@Sanquinity]

@@UNSCPILOT I think dogs would be more effective. Far larger than a house cat, a loud bark, a threatening growl on command, and a teethy snarl that scares even most humans away. :P Though the image of a house cat striking terror in a meeting with aliens is funnier of course.

[@UNSCPILOT]

@@Sanquinity true, though I guess I should mention Maine Coons, if you want a huge domestic cat who also happen to sport a mane, so many options! Though Maine Coons are chill af from what I've seen, very layed back even among cats

[@TheLastGarou]

@@UNSCPILOT When you're that big, you can afford to be chill. 😁

[@youknowihadtodoittoem3579]

that sounds like the god father to me

[@chrisdufresne9359]

The rest of the Galaxy needs to get a crash course on earth biology. I do feel bad for Doojat. That's psychological warfare on children.

[@MarkJohnson-ro1ed]

Show him an Orca going after a Great White Shark, that might make him feel better.

[@mrmors1344]

​@@MarkJohnson-ro1ed then show him the orca shows at seaworld.

[@changeling6450]

@@MarkJohnson-ro1ed imagine the level of trauma if doojat see the orca playing with a seal the way they do it

[@chrisdufresne9359]

@@MarkJohnson-ro1ed Nah, show him a Whale Shark

[@skepticalmagos_101]

@@changeling6450 Sees Orca punting helpless baby seal 90ft into the air.... 😃

[@ghillieguy52]

Aliens:check out this scary kitten! Human girl: ARE YA READY!?!

[@rohanjarande]

🤣

[@Nyrufa]

"This is a tiger. They mostly hunt alone, or sometimes in pairs." - *class room panics* "And this is a lion. They hunt mostly in groups, and lurk in the tall grass." - *panic intensifies*

[@anthonygenco5051]

@@Nyrufa For my ancient history lesson, I wanted to show you all some ancient creatures. This is a Smilodon. Though they are extinct, _our _*_less advanced_*_ ancestors likely hunted them at some point._ We have also found fossils of Machairodus lahayishupup, *which hunted rhinos, and were even bigger than the Smilodon.*

[@jedi-rl1hq]

@@anthonygenco5051 and here we have dire-wolves largely solitary hunters that went extinct or devolved into modern day wolves who are some if not the most proficient pack hunters on earth and for context we humans domesticated wolven ancestors as pets, and they are now some of our closest friends and companions both in peace and war.

[@digger1900]

Hold my beer. Daughter is a shark trainer at SeaWorld Gold Coast.

[@Jasmin-lg3gf]

Now let's talk about the dangers on the continent we call Australia.

[@alganhar1]

Which ironically is no more dangerous than any other. I know we love the stereotype, I use it all the time when talking to Antipodean friends, but it is not true.

[@changeling6450]

@@alganhar1 lets be real Australia is deathly because have the biggest number of "unexpected foes" like more than half of Australia death from animals are from poisonous animals, snakes jellyfishes the rock fish etc etc, is literally more common dying from a stupid living box than a shark

[@brokeandtired]

Literally a Deathworld within a Deathworld.

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

Over 60 percent of the snakes are venomous. Ghost gums, gympie gympie are murder and suicide trees in the local vernacular. Everything with gut has claws that can rip out arteries and most of them aren't scared of people. Australian wildlife is deadly and cute and quite passive until it isn't. Roos have almost as much intellect as a week long dead from and have perfected the art of luring dogs to water and drowning them. Can't make a bow and arrow from any native tree. You have better odds unarmed in Africa then oz.

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

Not gut fur Not from frog Autocorrect sucks

[@williambarnes5023]

"How have humans survived?" Well, while we were in our arboreal phase, we developed binocular vision that allowed us to accurately and instinctively gauge parabolic arcs and trajectories. And our forelimbs stopped being used for locomotion and became intricate graspers we used to hurl ourselves from tree to tree. When we returned to a terrestrial lifestyle, we discovered that our limbs and eyes synergized to become mass drivers. We have siege cannons for arms. This video is not a military drill, it is a game called baseball.

[@morescodesup2087]

throw rock good, brain happy.

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

@@morescodesup2087 ugh ugh throw rock , rock hit thing brain very happy it mean tummy happy now have food! ^^

[@tylerian4648]

@@Amoth_oth_ras_shash Here, take notched stick. It help you throw Pointy Stick much farther.

[@terriblecompany1588]

Nah we just got lucky

[@talinpeacy7222]

The absurdity of calling our arms "mass drivers" tickles me in the most "technically correct is the best kind of correct" kind of way. Some of these aliens always make me wonder how they survived on anything but their homeworld though. Best I can guess as a superpower is our ability to survive terrifying amounts of damage and not simply succumb to it paired with our exceptional energy efficiency and adaptive immune system. Basically, we're optimized for making mistakes and escaping them.

[@adventwolfbane]

She should have said that humans survived because they tamed alot of the dangerous and not dangerous creatures and made them allies in the fight to the top. The wolf, hog, horse, ram, bull, bird, and most importantly each other.

[@williambarnes5023]

Also because our habit of ganging up on things we don't like and murdering the fuck out of them until they stop existing entirely. We used to have Haast's Eagles, which were big enough to just grab people, kids particularly, and fly off with them for lunch. Murdered the fuck out of those bastards. They're dead now. Also there was this thing called smallpox.

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

Of course, Julie is a little kid, so she wouldn't necessarily know these kinds of details, just the basic mythos about humans being the most dangerous predator on Earth.

[@markmulder9845]

eh... we are still polishing up on the each other part, but for the most part, yeah.

[@markmulder9845]

@@PodreyJenkin138 like I said we're just polishing it we're most of the way there already

[@XxstrawmanxX]

To be fair that's cause we got bored of killing them

[@dravenrogers7040]

I was wondering why she didn't mention the honey badger and then I remembered honey badgers don't care about being in no presentation

[@blackouthorus1519]

Actually wolverines and honey badgers are cousins.

[@VernulaUtUmbra]

Yeah dude, Honey Badger don't give a shit

[@reyalsregnava]

Humans rule earth because we can run forever, throw rocks, and poke things with sticks. It helps to do it as a team but you don't NEED to, unless you have to fight humans. Then you need fancy ways of throwing rocks and poking with sticks.

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

Can't forget about our pack bonding turning our biggest competition into our best friend. Or our chasing entire herds of mammoths off of cliffs.

[@rory8182]

@@kiritotheabridgedgod4178 well yes, run after the mammoths of cliffs and be so good with pointy things that we have enough to share

[@derrickzane5834]

Apes together strong!

[@Maddog3060]

Poking things with a stick is best survival method. Very stronk.

[@anadaere6861]

We invented the pinnacle of throwing a rock Railguns Is it deployable? Not yet Yet

[@danielperkins7255]

Man, she didn't even get to bring up volcanoes or tsunamis! Imagine explaining an avalanche to a Gaia Worlder!

[@newfate26]

Considering their reactions to snow, glaciers would blow their minds.

[@TheBeastCH]

@@newfate26 "Glaciers are frozen rivers that kept growing with every year because it snowed and rained on them, and the water froze too. It has to be quite cold over long periods of time for that to happen. They are quite common on tall mountains and the polar regions. Sometimes they crack open, and when something falls into those cracks, they likely won't get out."

[@ZzCanonBull]

I was thinking about weather patterns as well...lol

[@neuralmute]

@@ZzCanonBull Same here. Hurricanes, tornadoes, ice storms, monsoons, anything that happens around the Great Lakes... We have some utterly mad weather on this planet. Do you think those Xeno kids even know what lightening is?

[@AchievementDenied]

@@neuralmute "Wait, you're telling me large-scale high energy discharges occur NATURALLY on your planet!? We have only observed that phenomena inside our laboratories!"

[@Octa9on]

I was totally expecting the punchline to be that the most dangerous creature on every student's homeworld is some invasive species from Earth.

[@erubianwarlord8208]

that would have been a laugh if it had been

[@achimdemus-holzhaeuser1233]

Probably the one that can eat nearly anything, chew through steel, breeds like nothing else and fights like nothing else when cornered.

[@Ackalan]

"Oh look, my dog is here!" *Barks* Emergency room: "So how could a whole cafeteria of students in peak health have an epidemic of heart attacks?"

[@SkyboxMonster]

This is the story I should use to explain the "Space Orc" theme

[@flawlesscreation5642]

I still don't get it lol how are we orcs

[@elduquecaradura1468]

@@flawlesscreation5642 uhm, I guess it comes at the comparison of Orcs and Orks from Warhammer, wich are brutal beasts capable of things that are unfathomable for other creatures, however in the video description says something you could find of use: Humans Are Space Orcs (HASO) or Humans Are (Fantasy Race) Are used as a guide when writing. In these Stories we normally View humans like the other races view orcs in a Fantasy Novel. We (Humans) share the same characteristics and personalities as orcs. Humans are normally treated as the outsiders and barbarians. Humans tend to be underestimated as well in these stories. Unlike Humanity Feck Yea , these don't always put a positive spin on humans\humanity sometimes looking at the darker side of human and humanity from the perspective of aliens.

[@Caldoric]

We survive a world where death dances amongst us, by learning to dance along with it. It's the only way to slip through the crowd around us.

[@alanb8884]

Very poetic!

[@coriolass]

Nice turn of phrase.

[@TheOmegaCloud]

4:20 To be fair housecats are among the deadliest predators only held back by the fact they're, well, tiny.

[@santiagomamani4258]

I'm sure that if a cat see how they get so terrified of him he would start hunting them(because they like to hunt things that fear them)

[@standard-carrier-wo-chan]

I feel especially bad for the teacher. He had good intentions, but very nearly made Julie even more ostracized instead of connecting with the others. If it weren't for the students themselves being kids and extremely curious of dangerous stuff, Julie would've probably devolved into a depressed outcast, and the teacher feeling nothing but crushing guilt over the situation.

[@Ryvaken]

An attitude utterly at odds with their reaction to even mild dangers. The instinct to explore and investigate from a position of reasonable safety is a HUMAN survival trait.

[@jgkitarel]

@@Ryvaken Of course, what we consider "reasonable safety" might be seen as dangerously close to others as well. Then again, there are a couple of sayings where even we know to be afriad when we hear them. They are: "Hey guys, watch this!" "Hold my beer, I got this." "Trust me, I know what I am doing and- uh oh." and "Don't ask, just run!"

[@justinwise4607]

That poor seal kid didn’t deserve the levels of ptsd he was served, dude just wanted an education

[@ianhogben3472]

You may think that they are scary but we're the crazy apes they run away from

[@silvadelshaladin]

Heh -- next thing to teach them is persistence hunting -- that would give half the class nightmares.

[@alganhar1]

You want to know something about Persistence Hunting? It does not work in the way you THINK it does. You see, when most people on HFY threads talk about Persistence Hunting they are thinking humans ran animals to exhaustion. They are only PARTIALLY correct. We ran them to HEAT Exhaustion. And the heat in that is VERY important. Fact is Persistence hunting does not work outside hot, dry climates, like the African Savanna. It does not rely on some mythical endurance of humans, it relies on the fact we transfer heat more efficiently than other mammals. Once you get into cooler climates, persistence hunting is a non viable method of hunting, which is why early humans abandoned it pretty quickly. Wild fit humans do have a great deal of endurance, don't get me wrong, but its no greater than say wolves, or moose, or that of many migratory animals on earth. We are not special there, even if we are in the higher end of the bracket.

[@UNSCPILOT]

Or kemodo dragons, one bite and you die days later, with it patiently waiting at a distance the whole time...

[@leechowning2712]

So hide and seek or tag? Literally you can take children that have no experience with other children and they can identify those two games.

[@SunshowerWonderlab]

In the words of the wise Max0r "So imagine you're this big fucking turkey and it's almost time for Thanksgiving. But no matter how much you run, when you turn around _he's still there._ And even worse, *it's wearing your skin."*

[@gonzotown9438]

Humans are zombies. They never stop coming. You can injure them in ways that would cause most animals to die or go into shock and they still don't stop coming.

[@JosephKano]

Welcome to that other very human thing, PTSD, class.

[@AshenTechDotCom]

why when you said that did the girls who had to watch a full live birth in school, and the looks on their faces, come into my mind... and why is it at the same age others were getting trauma from that shit i was eating a snack as i was forced to watch that shit and... even pre-intenet.... it just didnt phase me...will outside the part where the doctor took poo the face because they had not cleaned the gal out before starting that time... as i told a female friend... "dont you love it when they do all they can to make it so that girls dont want to ever have children?" she fucking lost it laughing... she delivered her sisters kid at 12 because, the ambulance didnt make it in time and .. sister told her "its just like a calf, just support the head and neck, be very careful/gental/etc.." she had delivered several calfs and lambs over the years so... by the time the emt's showed up, they just checked vitals and offered to take her to the ER if she wanted.. she decided she saw no reason to go to the ER since things had gone so smooth, the old gal who was driving the other 2 EMT's actually did deliver the afterbirth, they stuck around for over an hour then took off when the elderly gal from down the way came up to check and said she would keep an eye on things, she was a midwife for over 40 years so.. good hands.. my friend was so proud of herself and, rightly so.. anyway... in HS and even JR.High that shit didnt phase us like it did so many others.. still... i know a few gals who had to do therapy to get over what tehy saw in jr.high and/or highschool in those classes, scared as hell to risk getting an std or knocked up... even thought hey wanted to get married and have a family.. oh, gods, imagine the presentation covering shit like STD's, then moving up in size and watching the poor foolish xenos reactions LOL... "what has been seen, cannot be unseen" hell i want to see the reaction to them showing off our pets... hehe.... cats, dogs, ferrets, birds, snakes, lizzards, spiders, scorpions, on and on... humans will make anything we can, into a pet... also part of why we are the most dangerous creatures on the planet overall.. we dont just bond with our own kind, but... form packs with other animals... and somehow get creatures that would normally be predatory/prey, to act like bloody family... for all of our flaws, humanity has "potential".... if we could just remove all the elite who feel the need to own and control and exploit the rest of us, and focus energy/resources/etc on things that elevate humanity rather then having endless wars for profit, as easy ways to launder money, etc... show me a war that wasnt started by elites that didnt cost civilian lives.... anyway... PTSD.. is a hell of a thing.. nothing visual can seem to do that to me... but false rape charges sure as fuck did that to me for decades i would wake up in cold sweat, heart pounding, no idea why....just wake up freaking the fuckout.... but hey, im assured no real harm comes from false rape charges or the fallout of them... *EYEROLL*

[@mcarrowtime7095]

If you’re looking to get rid of all people who want to control others, say goodbye to the majority of the human population. People who won’t use power to benefit themselves, even if it’s not at the expense of others, are the rule and not the exception.

[@mcarrowtime7095]

Exception and not the rule, I mean

[@thirg424]

The fishies are true deathworld predators.

[@Chrisspru]

technicaly true

[@MarkJohnson-ro1ed]

They took down two starships!

[@menacingpyro2005]

Maybe the reason why Elon wants to leave earth so bad is because he’s seen what’s down there in the unexplored depths, and wants to get the fuck off earth because of it

[@Chrisspru]

@@menacingpyro2005 i think that elon ist just a narcicist that happens to be smart enough to see that him being worshipped indefinetely requires a prospering human future so there are worshippers around. effectively somewhat altruistic maximised egoism. not a good person, but a far thinking one.

[@Quetzalcoatl_Feathered_Serpent]

Um yeah. I have something to tell you about that. . All living complex mammals reptiles and amphibians all come from a common ancestor. It came out of the water one day in the past and decided that land would be a good place that animal would evolve into the first amphibians which would then branch out into reptires then the rest. It was a fish.. You humans are the descendants of fish.

[@Helman114]

We rule because our evolutionary processes understood that no matter how much muscle we get, how tough our bones became, how intelligent we turned out to be, nothing could possibly defeat the killing potential of the materials all around us. Nature, is far more deadly, than anything evolution will ever create. And so we threw rocks, sharpened them into knives to stab or javelins to fling, and when the pain of our prey caught up to them, causing them to run, we developed in terms of stamina, not to out run them, no, but to keep right up on their tails until they either bleed out, or their hearts explode.

[@brentmartin6833]

I thought the instructor was indicating that Julie gets an "A" for surviving the hardest of environments... a school lunchroom... full of kids.

[@gonzotown9438]

Taske failed successfully. The teacher wanted the class to make friends with Julie by showing she wasn’t that scary. Class proceeds to make friends when scariness is confirmed.

[@michaeldougherty2807]

She didn't even get to volcanoes, earthquakes, or asteroid strikes...

[@TheMonkey747]

Or the super-cell storms, sub-zero tundras, superheated deserts, or the biomes that are absolutely infested with microbial life.

[@stevenrodriguez763]

What about super herpes

[@TheMonkey747]

@@stevenrodriguez763 I think 'Super Herpes' would fall under the 'Massive Genetic Difference Theories: Can a Tree catch the Flu' Category, meaning viruses or bacteria that attack Human bodies, are evolved to attack humans. The alien viruses have evolved to attack different body types, except Humans. Could the viruses and bacteria mutate to attack humans or aliens later on down the line? Probably. If the races Coexist for a while. Yeah, Eventually. When it happens, if it happens, it would likely be a pain in so many butts to create an approximate vaccine, let alone a cure for that specific viral or bacterial strain.

[@SH-qs7ee]

God, Australia would send the class into a mental breakdown.

[@jeremyclark8517]

Show 'em Detroit. 😂

[@Sanquinity]

"Those were the predators, now let's talk about some plant eaters next. Specifically the elephant, hippopotamus, American Bison, and Gorilla." :P (If they thought bears were already big and musclular...heh...)

[@ratre7349]

Those are really terrifying

[@livesincanoe9034]

You forgot moose

[@Takisan111]

Zebras are notorious butt holes in the animal kingdom.

[@whirledpeaz5758]

And for the Gorilla, "These are our evolutionary cousins".

[@dovahkat9635]

A good thing to remember, carnivores kill for food. Make it not worth the effort and they will look for easier prey. If an herbivore is trying to kill you, it's because *they want you dead.* Pray you can best them, cause they sure as hell ain't backing down.

[@theriveracis5172]

"How have humans survived!" Let me introduce you to my friends, Smith and Wesson

[@capt.squiggly6354]

I could only imagine if chaos that would have been caused if it would have been with something like some pictures with , "This is our dog, he sleeps at the foot my bed, he is always happy to see me giving me big kisses whenever I have been away, now here is a photo of him tearing a rabbit apart cause he got too rough playing with it."

[@artbrann]

imagine he'd done a bring your pet to school day instead, because kids love pets and she brings a fur missile

[@skepticalmagos_101]

Wait till they get to the parasites.... 😂

[@midgefidget5796]

My gods, some of them terrify me, and I'm a deathworlder!

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

Or kandiru(I think that's how you spell it) one minute you're taking a piss, the next you have a flesh eating fish with backwards dorsal spines locking it in place, lodged halfway inside your penis, while it eats you from the inside out.

[@danielrepository7383]

arguably the most terrifying part about our fauna, there's eye parasites and flies that lay eggs in you while you're alive and they hatch from your skin. Nasty stuff

[@derrickmiller9776]

There's so much variety of parasitic organisms. Oh the horror, the horror!

[@serpentinious7745]

And then the viruses that have a higher death count than everything else combined

[@zyanidwarfare5634]

Imagine a presentation on the predators we hunted to extinction during the Stone Age… Megafauna would probably terrify them

[@odysseusofegypt]

student: *asking how you could survive bears* me, yelling with full confidence: "IF IT'S BROWN LAY DOWN, IF ITS BLACK FIGHT BACK, IF ITS WHITE nah you ain't surviving that sorry mate"

[@LTDroz]

If it’s brown get on the ground, if it’s black fight back, if it’s white say goodnight

[@jennifersalt3194]

I was expecting the Arctic animal to be a polar bear!

[@quangnhat6494]

You should have introduce them to existential dread my dear Julie

[@blackfire3744]

I swear, by these xeno's logic, you can torture someone by means of "the chair of reasonable comfort"!

[@virtualatheist]

Don't forget the soft cushion.

[@joshuaridgway3230]

I mean you only get one tea time in that chair. How barbaric

[@nunyabiznes33]

The cocktail table must be banned in every civilized galaxy!

[@johnbennett9504]

Someone get the Spanish Inquisition.

[@calebfielding6352]

lets be honest if aliens are that soft it will not be long before humans rule over them.

[@SCOMBAG]

God help them if they're made of meat and taste like chicken...

[@tomasdubravsky4851]

that is a bear..... I love how the students just errupted in shock and terrror when the bear was shown. I want a pet bear so i can bring him into the class and THEN will the FUN begin.

[@Groza_Dallocort]

You mean something like Wojtek

[@OriginalUnjustifier]

@@Groza_Dallocort Man, THAT bear was awesome! He earned a rank too with his work hauling mortar shells, he was PRIVATE Wojtek. Edit: Upon looking into it further, seems that the mortar shell hauling is just a legend, they tried but he couldn't figure it out, and the story was born from a joke pulled on the writer of the first book about Wojtek by the soldiers. He did however, enjoy wrestling and beer, so honestly, not much different from the average soldier.

[@Groza_Dallocort]

@@OriginalUnjustifier he did carry boxes to the soldier firing the artillery but never fired any of them on his own

[@kurookumura774]

@@Groza_Dallocort im sure that if we tried with his descendants, it would have worked 🤣

[@9LiveEmpire]

For the Wolverine presentation i couldn't help but imagine a smoll version of the mutant ... Her chance of not ending a longer where prety much 50/50

[@reddeathstar2428]

I love how our pets are the scariest thing they have then we show them what the average Tuesday’s can be and they shit a brick

[@edim108]

The moment the first animal mentioned was Wolverine, I knew this is gonna be bad 😂

[@taitano12]

We survived by being WAY too good at two things: Throwing stuff and being able to pack bond with almost anything... Even inanimate objects. Those skills allowed us to ward off predators and gather enough game and wild plants and berries to hunker down for the winter. Being able to settle allowed for agriculture for making beer and bread... It kinda snowballed from there.

[@kitt_ty913]

Poor Doojat Edit: never mind, turns out he's insane

[@TheLastGarou]

He's in Highschool/College, let's not be redundant.😆

[@admiraloscar3320]

@@TheLastGarou I imagined them as like 5th graders

[@jennifersalt3194]

Maybe not. I work with children and they absolutely love videos about predators, books about predators, games involving (imaginary/pretend) predators, seeing predators at a zoo/aquarium/nature center. There’s something very appealing about being scared and safe at the same. They also like to imagine (and sometimes act out) fighting and either killing or taming a dangerous predator-especially the younger kids. Then again, it’s probably instinctive in some way for humans-I’m not sure if it would be the same for a species that evolved on a planet without dangerous predators.

[@TheFoxfiend]

Humans individually or unprepared aren't all too dangerous compared to everything else out there, but humans are rarely both alone and unprepared. A prepared human is scary, a prepared group of humans is terrifying. But what really put us on the top of the food chain was our ability to tame the dangerous wilds. We tamed the wolves and made them our hounds. We tamed the land and made it grow safe food in plenty. We tamed water and made it turn our grinders. We tamed the air and now soar through it faster than any bird. We tamed lightning and rocks and use them to manage logistics on an impossible level or play games that are simulations of war. We tamed the minerals for better tools too. Yes, our world is dangerous, but we have now caused a lot of it to heel at our command and work wonders beyond what we could alone.

[@sultryjmac]

You have to remember all the small organisms. When accounting for that, humans have abilities and senses better than 99.9 percent of all animals. Better speed than most, better eyes than most, better strength than most, and much better endurance than almost all. Now, remember all that. How top of the circle we are. Factor in the brain. The human brain is almost an impossible cheat stat. It's so far and away the best brain in the whole ecosystem that absolutely nothing comes remotely close. Not even in the same galaxy close. Humans are A-class or above for every category. The brain is god class. Remember, you have to count all life. Not just highly specialized outliers. We are a jack of all trades that is an expert at all. Sometimes not the best eyesight, or hearing, or whatever. But man, our arsenal is completely stacked. Then there is the tactical Nuke that is the brain and the graph doesn't just change, it's obliterated.

[@thalaseamyst3934]

I wonder if there will be a story about an alien surviving earth because a Terran helped them.

[@WE_DONT_LIE]

Um there's a couple

[@thalaseamyst3934]

@@WE_DONT_LIE please tell. Want to listen to stories.

[@WE_DONT_LIE]

@@thalaseamyst3934 it's mud and feather

[@TheAchilles26]

There's slightly more "Terran helps an alien survive after they both crash on a different planet together" stories, usually with the added note that their shipwreck planet is actually less dangerous than primeval Earth

[@OriginalUnjustifier]

I remember a story with a similar theme: where they were investigating an 'ice' planet, called something like 'Winter's Heart' or something...and then the landing vessels heat fails, and the alien is completely freaking out and thinks death is imminent. Human looks outside and realizes it's like -5 out, and the planet is comically hospitable to (human) life in comparison with the name. The reason though was the aliens who found it were cold-blooded, which is also how the alien ends up living, the human stuffs him into his shirt and uses his body heat to keep him alive for the hours/days it takes a rescue vessel to arrive.

[@noneofyourbuisness1679]

Julie: But it’s not just the predators are dangerous. This is an elephant, the largest land animal on Earth. Class: Wait . . . what do you mean largest *land* animal? Julie: Oh, that’s right, I forgot about the whales. I haven’t even gotten to the dinosaurs yet! Class: *THE WHAT*

[@omargoodman2999]

Task failed successfully.

[@Minotaur-ey2lg]

Should have showed a video of an orca yeeting a seal. Sharks are scary, but orcas are terrifying. Lucky us they probably find us to be more trouble than we’re worth.

[@sultryjmac]

Many animals seem to have an instinctual knowledge that if you hurt a human, more are coming and survival is questionable at best. Coyotes are a good example of this. There are stories of packs of coyotes avoiding lone children who would be easy prey because they know what happens when you fall for that trap.

[@DestroyTeamAvolition]

African lions fear domestic dogs because they know what comes next.

[@tinman67641]

I always expect to see Hecklefish in the tank

[@blacksuite1]

I just found that channel. Crazy stuff.

[@MrGoesBoom]

Only started watching that channel recently, Hecklefish is great...I'm sorry, I mean Lord Hecklefish

[@draconus15]

Ok that was amazing. Also wonder what they would say if you started going into the climate and how the weather changes. Not even things like earthquakes are volcanoes

[@Maddog3060]

[Alien freaks out about snow] [Me, a Floridian, feeling personally attacked] :P Anyway, this is so nice. Children aren't stuck in their ways like adults are, and so they'd be more able to adapt once they got over the shock of it all.

[@jenswurm]

"Also we re-created previously extinct creatures from fossilized DNA. Here, take a look at Tyrannosaurus Rex!" *panicked screeches* "WHY WOULD YOU RECREATE THAT?!" "Oh because we can...and it's fun. We put them in our amusement parks."

[@Kakarot64.]

Admittedly they escaped from a few early iterations of those amusement parks and ate a few people in the process but we kept trying until we eventually got it right.

[@Ryvaken]

@@Kakarot64. For the good of all of us excepttheoneswhoaredead

[@DonPatrono]

"How did you even survive?" "We had two powerful friends, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson"

[@walterroche8192]

Sheesh! If they freak out at the everyday creature what type of insanity would we deliver with our Fictional Horror stories!! Image the PTSD a intelligent octopus would get when it reads Lovecraft... I'm not cleaning up that inky mess. 😑

[@hunter5822]

7:31 KZbin failed me and I lost my huge list of stuff. Bullet ants Scorpions Komodo dragons Orcas Wolves Crow/ravens Ants ants and more ants: really hammer home how many ants there are. Zombie ants: Bears of all types eagles Vultures Tiger sharks Tigers Jaguars Panthers Hyenas Wild dogs: and how brutally efficient and mean they are. Chimpanzees: how intelligent and mean they can be. Zebra: cause they’re painted assholes on two legs. Spiders Goliath bird eating spiders Squids Colossal squids: and that we’ve only ever found dead youths and never an adult... but the scaring on MANY whales indicate that they are out there. All of Australia: even the plants such as the gimpy gimpy or that latex cyanide tree that’s often put up in tourist areas by unknowing or malicious bastards. The giant dead body eating catfish Anacondas: maybe spend some time covering some of the ancient bigger versions of the animals such as the megaconda Alligators and crocodiles: Japanese giant wasps who’s poison will literally melt your skin. Poison dart frogs: can kill a man by merely touching it. Copious amounts of fungus, bacteria, single cell organisms. Volcanoes, extreme environments (like that one desert in (South America?) that due to the mountains nearby have not seen rain for for over a thousand years or something absurd like that) I probably missed a few that I had before, but I’m sure I covered the biggest ones. Feel free to respond with what you think should be included to scare the fuck out of off worlders!

[@isopodslug6365]

Bombardier beetles ,mantis shrimp, dynamite trees ,giant isopods ,Titan beetle, alligator snapping turtle,pumas ,fire coral,fire worm,bristle worm ,blood worms ,bobbet worm ,tarantula hawk wasp ,giant south American centipedes, bald eagle's ,pilated woodpecker ,(crown of thorns starfish ,triton snail ,though these two may be from Australia can't remember),lions mane jellyfish ,leatherback sea turtle ,killer whale ,sperm whale, blue whale,whale shark,swordfish/marlin,barracuda,stingray,giant Pacific octopus ,mega mouth shark ,Greenland shark ,six gill shark ,goblin shark ,hammerhead shark ,pocket dogfish (honestly this one is more cute than scary),the dreaded cookie cutter shark ,dolphins, narwhals ,orangutans ,platypus, shrews,blister beetle,burying beetles ,woodborer beetle,Dobson flys ,dragon fly ,giant flying fox bat ,California condor ,great horned owl, eagle owl,moose,panda,electric eel,anglerfish,fangtooth,wolf eel,pistol shrimp,Japanese spider crab ,velvet worms,vampire moth,giant walking stick,bullet fish,puffer fish,arapaima,pacu,arowana,saber toothed deer ,warthog ,beavers,shrike's,frogsmouth bird,great potoo, toucan ,cocatoo,crows,ravens,pelicans,ostriches,termites,the fleas the burrow into your skin and live inside of it ,giant leech's ,giant siphonophore,hydroids,skeleton shrimp, sea slugs,nudibranches,scaly footed snail ,yeti crab,snail fish ,rat fish ,rabbit fish,(might have accidently repeated some of yours 😬)conger eel,groundhog,beach fleas,giant African land snail ,giant africanized killer bees ,electric rays ,weasels

[@t.j.cornett7495]

I'm not sure how to feel, it's still quite late for me but new hfy!?! Geeeee thanks oh glamorous and resplendent disembodied voice of the immaculate and mighty AGGRESSIVE TREE RODENT FTA and the SQUIRREL

[@torkusqerdoon1062]

Just wait till they learn about hippos 0.o

[@UNSCPILOT]

Even as a Human Hippos scare me, nothing that big should move that fast

[@Nyrufa]

@@UNSCPILOT What's even scarier is the fact that their bulk is almost entirely muscle. Don't call them fatties, just because they're big and round!

[@dovahkat9635]

Fun fact about hippos, they actually can't swim. Rather they evolved to have such a high body density that they just sink and proceed to just run along the bottom like they would run on land. For perspective, even elephants, though much heavier, still have a low enough body density to swim in some capacity.

[@RealBelisariusCawl]

I was pouring hot sauce on my food, and I uttered the phrase “if my food doesn’t fight back, I’m not convinced I’m eating food.” My friend called me a deathworlder and said to listen to these stories.

[@fearthewolf1175]

A Planet Earth documentary would seem like a horror movie to these guys lol

[@MattieAMiller]

Teacher: Your assignment is to present the dangers of your homeworld. Human student: Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down?

[@markmulder9845]

How did humans survive? We like to throw things. We also learned how to sharpen sticks.

[@mikkelnpetersen]

*Kitty playing with a "cloth on string" toy* = Most dangerous vicious predator. Human: "Should I tell them about lions, tigers, leopards and the like?"

[@ashardalondragnipurake]

if snow is scary they would have been terrified learning about hail

[@archeyassassin]

Its crazy to think how many things can kill us. Heck even our pets can kill us if they get us in the right spot. Even plants can do us in if we aren't treated properly.

[@Kennanjk]

This is cute and all but personally I subscribe to the notions the human bullied everyone into liking them.

[@artbrann]

well, they were all terrified she'd bring a pet cat, bird, or worse a dog in imagine what a a playful husky or malamute could do to people scared of a cat lumbering fluffball of joy sees all the aliens and thinks "new friends" before bolting at them at about 25mph

[@Kakarot64.]

@@artbrann Probably crush them to death accidentally in its excitement then animal control tries to put it down with a hose pipe and watches on in shock as it turns around and tries eating the water from straight out of the nozzle.

[@Darkinu2]

Honestly I don't blame him for stopping after seeing a Piranha swarm XD

[@Nerdcoresteve1]

This story is sweet as fuck.

[@Losttoanyreason]

I've listened to about 20 or so of these videos since accidentally coming across them last week. Some short soem really long and a few that left me hanging waiting on the next instalment. Love the narrators voice and the shared universe , lol.

[@colleens1107]

I’m mad late to the party but this was the most wholesome story ever. Sooo cute, the little girl made friends because our planet keeps trying to kill us and couldn’t

[@johnnymellon7414]

* big bad alien aliens attack the planet with the school * Classmates: "Julie, do something. Go and... idk, eat them or something"

[@nunyabiznes33]

Julie: *lets cat out of her bag* "They don't make metaphors this dangerous anymore"

[@dynamicworlds1]

Imagine if she had talked about our weather. Tornadoes, hurricanes, and microbursts Volcanoes, earthquake, and tsunamis Hail, lightning, freezing rain, and wildfires ...and that's just the stuff common to areas we frequently CHOOSE to live in. If snow freaked them out imagine trying to explain "diamond dust" to them. Or just put on a documentary film about one of our many mass extinctions.

[@LTDroz]

What is Diamond Dust? I never heard of that phrase before

[@dynamicworlds1]

@@LTDroz it's a thing that happens when it is cold enough that any moisture in the air goes straight from a gas to a solid, resulting in ultra-fine ice crystals that just hang suspended in the air like fog instead of falling like snow. Supposedly, this results in a beautiful glittering effect as it catches the light that gives it its name. Unfortunately this only happens when it is absurdly cold...like "interior of Antarctica" cold.

[@LTDroz]

@@dynamicworlds1 got it, thank you for the explanation. Better to know something new

[@nunyabiznes33]

​@@dynamicworlds1 when I first heard the term, I thought the crystals were too cold that they'd remain solid when inhaled and destroy the lungs.

[@festumstultorum1462]

The reason of our resilient instinct of survival is the pure need to prove ourselves that we can face every thing and come out walking in front of our mates like it was just another day

[@handpaper6871]

"Here's a seal, it hunts fish Here's a shark, it hunts seals Here's an Orca, we're about the only thing it doesn't hunt..."

[@Stevedawhoop]

This is my most favorite of your reading yet, with how you varied the voice of each character, pls do more of this style

[@dashiellgillingham4579]

Humanity has forgotten its greatest horrors. The hippo can bite and kill anything up to modern cars and are both extremely aggressive and territorial. They could kill every thing made by human hands for almost all of history, including quadremes, which are among most heavily manned ships in human history to this day. We all but exterminated them in the Nile in a comprehensive, organized effort that took almost a thousand years to finish.

[@groofromtheup5719]

They are now an invasive species in Columbia.

[@rainynight02]

Enjoyed the story, but vampire bats don't "rip open your flesh" They make a small puncture wound, their saliva acting as a numbing agent so you don't feel it as well as an anticoagulant. And then they lick up the blood that dribbles out. If I remember correctly about two teaspoons is enough to feed one vampire bat a day.

[@dapperdeepseadiver1034]

couldn’t help but smile at the end

[@lord1todd]

A well written and heart warming story. Awsome narration as always.

[@Aelsenaer]

It's a good thing she didn't talk about bacteria and viruses.

[@DestroyTeamAvolition]

Yep. We fckd up polio and smallpox

[@MarkJohnson-ro1ed]

... And then there is Australia!

[@UNSCPILOT]

They haven't even gotten to the big cats, are we sure we want to jump that far ahead? XD

[@MarkJohnson-ro1ed]

@@UNSCPILOT I’m Australian, I just wanted to skip ahead to the good bits.

[@UNSCPILOT]

@@MarkJohnson-ro1ed fair enough, as a Canadian I will admit even I'm scared of Australia

[@jackaubrey8614]

@@MarkJohnson-ro1ed Don't you mean good bites? :)

[@ravenouself4181]

"How did You survive?" Easy, we just hunted the really dangerous animals to extinction. *puts on shades*

[@JoducusKwak]

this actually makes sense for a change, usually its "ooh those essential things for livr are for some reason toxic" but here everyone just comes from planets with more homogeneous climate and less dangerous wild life... both most likely as a result of there civilisation, weather control and predators going extinct while civilisations forget about those things

[@larrythompson8630]

It depends what you are used to. I am glad there are no poisonous snakes, spiders… in my area. But I know it’s not that big of a deal if you know how to keep them out of living area. I worked in areas with rattlesnakes. Which are not that dangerous. Just don’t corner them. Keep them out.

[@Solamnic31]

I have 2 cats and 3 parakeets.... Im surrounded by monsters!!!!

[@sovietpowersupereme6231]

Aliens explaining the dangers of there worlds Juile going "are you ready!?" As she begins to explain the dangers of earth

[@welshed]

I’d just explain mosquitoes and how many humans they’ve killed over the years. I’d then pretend that we uplifted them to sentience once and put them on a planet, but we can’t remember which one. I’d then sit back and watch as mosquitoes become the nightmare fuel of the galaxy.

[@iltaak]

I was expecting her to answer "how'd you survive?" with something about "we made our predators into our pets" and continuing the story about human pets and their 'wild predator' counterparts. Sort of a retort to the earlier criticism she got from the instructor and class about her criticism that their predators were just like 'pets'

[@zonaron6305]

when the wildlife documentary becomes a psychological horror film

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

Luckily she didn't get to show Australia's killer creatures, the true death creatures of Earth Or maybe it would have impressed them even more?

[@Iskelderon]

She didn't even get to the part about sperm whales that repeatedly dive into depths even only the best of our military submarines can reach. And once these apex predators the size of a school bus are down there they hunt other similarly massive apex predators because they're the most efficient food sources for each other.

[@connor_draco_tempest2891]

Eh I would have started with showing the adorable animals and show domestic animals and worked my way to there ancestors then continue with all the animals that don't look deadly

[@UNSCPILOT]

Show them wolves, then how we tamed and changed them into dogs, that might make them dizzy with fear and confusion

[@SpiritWolf1966]

I enjoy all of Agro Squirrel Narratives videos

[@sovietpowersupereme6231]

Watch as a human child gives other child ptsd

[@dhermitmorse]

This was surprisingly wholesome

[@Meowthix]

He decided to show the class how alike they are. Alien: We live on a harmonious hivemind planet where everything is intertwined. Plants and animals both provide for eachother with very little bloodhsed. Humans: So we learned how to expel heat via expelling heated water through tiny holes in our skin so we could chase down prey over such long distances they'd collapse from exhaustion allowing us an easy kill. Edit: My housecat was harassing me for snuggles and pets when they were talking about how terrifying of a creature it is. She's an idiot with 3 legs and a floppy ear. "Dangerous" is far from what i view her as and it had me laughing.

[@lettmien218]

A wonderful story! And perfect narration! Hope you're feeling better!

[@GeoRyukaiser]

If I was part of the presentation I'd have taked on a short video of me playing with my budgie at the start of the presentation just to add to the freakout.

[@ICountFrom0]

I'd like folks to notice, the most dangerous thing to a human is not any of the things in the video, but social isolation.