Attachment Theory - How childhood attachments influence adult relationships - John Bowlby

[@JaneVaughanUK]

Best explanation of this subject that I've found - really clear. As a trainee counsellor I'm glad I've discovered your channel!

[@coenlouie684]

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[@deandarwin2162]

@Coen Louie Instablaster :)

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[@deandarwin2162]

@Coen Louie no problem :D

[@kriksiz]

Was just wondering stuff about psychology ( out of curiosity) and now I am hooked on theese theories and just psychology! Awesome job!

[@rachelcopeland3606]

Thank you so much for this Rory. I find your research so helpful.

[@jessicalatorraca8507]

Thank you for this intelligent and comprehensive synopsis. Valuable material, well-presented. 👏🏻

[@rejoicetmusic7565]

This was super helpful! my exam is tomorrow and this was a God send! :D

[@PeaceLoveforourworld]

These Videos are Very Valuable, Thank you so much

[@bertybertface1914]

Thank you, needed this two years ago when i was studying but still a great video.

[@jessicajane7296]

Very informative, thank you! I was wondering, who initially pointed out that attachment styles can alter according to life experiences? I'm writing a paper on attachment and this is very useful but I need to know where it came from so I can reference it properly. Thank you :-)

[@SusannaSaunders]

I'd like to know that as well!

[@MarsdenTherapy]

Good work Rory

[@stargazer9861]

This study explains my own childhood. and possibly my Mothers to. My Mother told me she was sexually abused as a kid etc etc, she grew up in care homes cause her mother abandoned her, yet her two younger siblings stayed at the family home! ? :/ As a child myself she physically abused me(not my younger brother) and as I got a bit older that's when the mental/emotional stuff started that has stayed with me to this day and I'm 35 in three months time. I knew from about 10 that I wouldn't have kids cause I didn't want to be as bad as her, and cause I don't want children to start with! My childhood traumas have coloured my adult life, I have Manic Depression, suicidal thoughts(and attempts) I've seen many councillors over the years, scared to go out, cant hold down a job for too long, relationships/sexuality issues are also major problems for me, I'm just existing until the day I take my own life and I'm out of this horrible world that I never wanted to be part of, all just cause my Mother couldn't keep her damn legs closed at 18.(She had me at 19)

[@carolineharris5239]

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[@ZaJeje007]

***** I've just seen your reply and I can't help but want to give words of encouragement. I will not give you my life story, or my siblings' ... but know that you are not alone and it DOES get better. I can't tell you to find someone that makes you happy, because firstly you have to be happy with yourself. But find a steady ground, something that you enjoy doing, even if it's something as simple as drawing...and do that. Give yourself a goal every month or so and keep strong. Aknowledge that all the bad stuff is now in the past, all you can do is move forward and do not waste your life away, if you, you are cheating your way out. You are 30, you still have maybe 50 years to live, there is enough time to re-discover yourself, there is enough time to create bonds, there is enough time to create a family or adopt a child that would otherwise have a sad life, and give him/her the childhood you never had. Stay strong!

[@SusannaSaunders]

Sadly, all too common. I'm an unwanted ('accidental' pregnancy) myself. My parents should never have had kids. So I know first hand where you are coming from. All I can say is explore yourself via whatever means works for you. I wrote poetry as a teenager. Whatever way works for you. A deeper understanding of yourself will hopefully lead to compassion for yourself, and eventually self love. It will never take the pain away but it will hurt a lot less 🙂 there is a mentally healthy life after this!

[@lawrencedavis5459]

parents can really fuck us up

[@dkeys86]

yep lol im definetly an avoidant style -_-

[@SusannaSaunders]

Oh so true! Far more parents fuck up their children's lives than we (society) like to admit...

[@Jenny-nz8fb]

“But they were fucked up in their turn” Philip Larkin

[@andreadoherty7816]

That was great thanks!

[@NarcissistFreealmost]

Thank you. I always enjoy your vids.

[@liticiapina4893]

I am studying 'Therapeuthic Child care' it is helpful for my study

[@FineFeatheredHomestead]

Thanks for your information. I understand the need to pay attention to the 30% that fall into the cycle. But I find it very dangerous and counter-productive for counselors to emphasize this as if it were a norm. For those of us in the 70% who are being counseled and are not part of the repeat cycle, it can be received as a deep core insult...as though the counselor assumes our character is equal to that of the abusers (that's the stuff of duels). This is further complicated by our still unformed identity as adults; we know who we are not, but have trouble knowing who we are. In this yawning chasm, to toss in the suspicion that the counselor can't tell the difference between an abuser and a survivor undermines the integrity of counseling. I am not criticizing, just sharing this as valuable insight from the other chair in the room. For reference, C-PTSD was the related issue. I'm in recovery because I ended counseling and pursued DBT on my own with the workbook based in Linehan's research. The few times I wanted to make an appointment for support, the gnawing resistance to being misunderstood even momentarily led me to journal instead or talk with a safe friend. Though these are good, it was this very issue that ruined counsel for me. And I'm mindful of the fact that black and white thinking is involved here; but perhaps a way to avoid mentioning the minority marker when counseling the majority would be a helpful idea to incorporate?

[@Counsellingtutor1]

Victoria Lewis Thank you for commenting, the point I was trying to get across was that a majority of individuals with disorganised attachment are survivors not instigators of abuse. In terms of the statistics I quoted from research at the time .

[@FineFeatheredHomestead]

Thank you again. And if I misheard your point due to my sensitivity on the issue, I apologize. Your work is very helpful!

[@SusannaSaunders]

As with many things, this is not 4 separate silos, you can have a proportion of one or more other styles along with the dominant style. In other words, a blend of 2 or more characteristics. Although, personally, I think CEN and C-PTSD are under-reported and largely ignored by society... No parents want their poor parenting shown for what it is in the cold light of day...

[@SusannaSaunders]

I'm curious to know what attachment style you are yourself Rory! How was your own childhood?

[@egamtubing]

Any suggestion for further reading on the adult healing process from wounds concerning early childhood attachments? Thanks! :)

[@PhilipaThornton]

Growing ourselves up again - Connie Dawson. Resource Therapy very useful too good luck x

[@clarewheatley6514]

What age period would you consider as a child? 0-5? 0-7?

[@RoundOneBoxing]

Can a person be a mixture of those attachment styles ?

[@maria-christinasmyrnaiou1771]

yes there are mixed styles

[@KJ-hs8tr]

helpful

[@rosadangmei59]

really helpful

[@DrLakeciaReddrick]

Mary Ainsworth was American-Canadian

[@pdelaprimm]

How does a 46 year old male reverse or lessen attachment disorder to then thrive. Difficult stuff.

[@Pollyp112]

time, understanding, patience and hard work, good luck.

[@pdelaprimm]

Paula P(smiling, with tears) ah, yes -- the 'understanding' part seems to be most difficult. thank you.

[@pdelaprimm]

SambucaLovesCaz Sorry to hear you've given up; I will never give up.

[@deepikaashiromany7842]

try somatic experience by doc Levine. Its the best i have so far.

[@pdelaprimm]

Interesting. My experience: emotional, psychological and physical neglect, resulting in abridged ego development, self esteem and sense of self. The pieces are here, just latent, and it seems like nurturing, to foment their blossoming, is they key. I'll definitely look at this stuff, though; willing to try everything I can. There's so much here to make manifest ~

[@slimemasterbubbles9627]

Olin I’m Lllll