How casual sex violates the female brain, and how to heal and find love

[@amyfroese4293]

Thank you so much for this video! I actually cried at the end of the video because I am dealing with these issues and it really helps me understand more about myself and what I can do to be a happier and better person. Thank you!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Know that you’re not alone and it can get so much better. Fix the attachment and everything else will get easier.

[@amyfroese4293]

@@AttachmentAdam Thank you ☺️

[@ashleyobrien8720]

This is amazing information and I wish this video would go viral because I’m sure that it would make sense for so many adult women in this society. And if they’re anything like me or have dealt with what I’ve struggled with, this information is like clearing the grey cloudy stormy sky with a beautiful sunrise…it gives me a lot of hope for myself and my future regarding intimate relationships. Thank you

[@AttachmentAdam]

The short version went viral on Tiktok. 🙏

[@nnsoedo]

😆😅🤣 reflection of the times...

[@cindyvazquez4069]

Adam, thank you so much for this. You have no idea how much your videos are changing my life and my relationships, both platonic and intimate!! Such valuable information.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I am so glad to hear that Cindy, keep learning and growing! And feel free to post any questions in the comment sections

[@jackiebraun5479]

You are giving hope. Another great video. So grateful that i found you.

[@Foxie770]

This is an amazing description of my life and my previous experience in my 20’s. I wish I had learned these lessons sooner, but it took a long time and a lot of heartbreak.

[@AttachmentAdam]

It’s great that you’re learning now. The question is, what’s your next step to apply this information to your relationships?

[@Foxie770]

@@AttachmentAdam I’m in a serious relationship with someone now (after 10 years of giving up hope I could find someone who wanted love & commitment). He also has attachment issues/childhood trauma. We are very healing for each other and working towards marriage by healing these things. We ordered your book a few weeks ago and we are watching many of your videos as well as Jordan Peterson’s.

[@starstoryteller]

Yea! I didn't see your KZbin channel yet good to see you on the this hell site spitting some truth. To be fair it unhealthy attachment styles can happen to "folks who do everything married couples" (exhibit:A Last December my marriage of 5 years ended to a combination of attachment issues and addiction but from my end of the relationship ultimately not verbalizing my needs...I will never do that again). I will say despite it all I am glad I waited for marriage to be sexually active because I have a lot less crap on top of everything else. While I am sure some might assume it's a sunk cost fallacy I think it has become a faithfulness track record for future prospective husbands (especially because I didn't file for the divorce).

[@AttachmentAdam]

It’s good that you recognize the attachment pieces because fixing them should address the red flags you missed before. 👍

[@sophiabreidfischer6242]

Dating in this day and age is hard when so many people expect sex early on.. Ill feel really attracted to someone and then realise they want sex before I do and suddenly I feel so over them and emotionally unsafe. This was very interesting I appreciate your work!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Not everyone expects or wants this, but yes the value of it has been driven down for most, and many feel pressured to perform in ways they despise. However, more secure people will not want these things from you. They have their own assessments.

[@skyejacques]

Same. Its just about personality and values aligning. The first person I met was a virgin like me when we were 26 years old. Which I appreciated. He was a dangerous narcissist and so that's why I was broken. Still single. Last person I met is a lovely man but he's addicted to sex and can't date without sex. So he has a history of many women. Totally made me feel turned off.

[@ZeeGrace999]

In the few days that I’ve been subscribed I’ve learned a TON of things. I’m working on building and connecting with my network to attract love through there. 💕

[@AttachmentAdam]

That is awesome, I’m glad you’re getting so much knowledge 👍 What’s been your favorite thing you’ve learned?

[@jorosehart7639]

Many of us girls have refused to participate in hook up culture and have faced near constant rejection in the dating game for it. A lot of the guys out there want what is fast and easy...even the church guys!! A lot of guys will often dump a girl with standards and that does not give him "relations" right away. I mean it's like they don't really want to invest in a woman long term. Plus, a lot of guys expect to go home with a girl right away because he bought her a fancy meal or gave her a gift or something ridiculous like that. I think the rule is something like a girl is expected to give up the goods after three dates. It's literally that bad. Plus nobody is doing STD checks. Scary! There is a whole pick-up culture out there where guys strategize how to take advantage. Heaven forbid a girl mentions that she is looking for something meaningful and long term...the guy can't run away fast enough. It's like he's ripped out his heart and lives without it...like a vampire. Ladies, vampires are not romantic, ok. So naturally this makes many women want to simply give up and not even bother dating. Even if a girl refuses to accept hook up culture, dating is still traumatizing nowadays. It's a bloodbath. And unless something changes, it's not really worth the hassle. Us ladies, we'll go out on a few dates. We think we're really connecting; the conversations are amazing. Then the guy asks us to go home with him and we politely say we really like them and want to get to know them better and we give them a kiss on the cheek. Bam, we never hear from them again. It's almost as if the majority of women have to collectively change and reject hook-up culture together as a group. Then maybe the dating world can recover. I'm not holding my breath on that one though. So, where and how do we find the kind of men that are willing to open up, connect, and build trust, and develop a deep relationship...the kind that hopefully can lead to marriage? Where do we find the decent good-hearted men? I know they are out there...somewhere. Many ladies are wondering where these mythological creatures are that our hearts long for. Sorry, that was so long winded, but a lot of us girls are thinking this. Anyhow, great video!

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is a great question and a huge hurdle that many women have to overcome. By the same token, this is a giant hurdle that many men have to overcome too, because hook up pressures both sides to engage in hook ups constantly for fear of rejection or seeming weird. The answer here is to connect not with strangers but with people bonded through your social network. Your mom‘s best friends nephew, or some of the old ladies at your church know very well. Social networks provide way more accountability so they won’t pressure you, and they also won’t ghost you. The social pressures are on for both of you to be healthier and more respectful. Social networking is where it’s all that. Do you know how to make use of your social network in this way?

[@Foxie770]

This is so true… I’ve experienced all of that and worse for 15 years. No more courtship, if a woman has a 5 or 10 date rule, the guys can never make it past a first round of rejection. They’ll lose interest if you don’t go home with them in 2-3 dates. It’s unbelievably toxic and sad. Then the men complain that women are all “sluts” and none are good enough to become wives. Yet women are just desperately trying to find a guy to be in a relationship with and feel pressured for sex to keep the guy around. We need to go back to the old fashioned courtship rules, parents need to raise their kids properly, keep them out of peer “culture” and teach boys and girls real values and self respect. Humans have done things for thousands of years because they work. We tried to reinvent the human species and it’s blown up in all of our faces!!!

[@jorosehart7639]

@@Foxie770 well said!

[@Tushar_Talwar_09]

The further we stray from patriarchy the more it becomes clear why we needed it in the first place.

[@v9b23j]

@jorosehart7639 Historically, women have been the gatekeepers of sex. The sexual revolution and the advent of the pill decoupled sex from reproduction. This has also been fueled by casual sex without emotional intimacy. What hasn't changed is that men will meet the criteria that women have for them in order to have sex. In this sense, women have the power. By having high standards, women will empower men to meet the criteria in order to have sex with women.

[@wardaissa6625]

You hit the nail on the head! I'm so happy to have discovered your channel & work!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you for watching. What part made the most sense to you?

[@wardaissa6625]

@@AttachmentAdam why and how hook up culture isn’t effective nor feel organic. This is the first time I’ve heard a clear solid explanation that makes so much sense.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Few people want to talk about it, but when you hear it plain it makes too much sense. Glad I could help! 👍

[@dandandan421]

Love the content! Such valuable information for todays society

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you think so!

[@goodbabe6683]

Hey Adam, I love your content. It is very unique and niche. Your vasopressin knowledge has even inspired a podcast episode of mine, where I mention you. You mentioned you could not find any research about what hookup culture is doing to women. What I have found is that divorce rates rise, the more partners a woman has been with. Promiscuous women have a divorce rate of about 70%. For both men en women relationship satisfaction plummets with the more partners they have had.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I appreciate your kind words. It's always rewarding to know I've been helpful, and I'm glad your podcast episode explores this topic! If you'd like to share any links or discuss your findings further, I'm happy to listen.

[@jessaingalls]

Such great information. This is incredibly helpful and will remove so many stumbling blocks as I navigate being newly single after a 14 year relationship. Thank you.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Best of luck in your new situation. 👍

[@elfin8799]

Thank you for this amazing video Adam. God bless you!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching.

[@akat88]

Yes just watched you on Mikhaila’s podcast - keep making videos!!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Will do. Thanks for the support.

[@v9b23j]

Adam, thank you for sharing your valuable knowledge with such candor, empathy, compassion and encouragement. This is one of the most important pieces of information that every young girl and boy needs to know in order to lead a psychologically functional and healthy life, and should therefore be taught in school as part of sex education, communication and relationship skills. I also think both boys and girls can benefit from understanding the distinctions between female short-term mate value and female long-term mate value from men's perspective and vice versa. Men often have lower standards for short-term mating but higher standards for long-term mating. On the other hand, women tend to exhibit fewer differences between the two. This is coupled with the fact that, on average, men are less restricted by sociosexuality, being more open to casual sex and promiscuity, whereas women, on average, tend to be more restricted with it. Consequently, some women may mistakenly assume that they can foster an emotional connection with men by fulfilling their sexual desires, leading to a conflation of men's dual mating strategy involving casual sex with no intention of a long-term relationship. Last but not least, both genders will also benefit from understanding the biological differences between men and women, such as women experiencing a release of oxytocin after sex, promoting bonding, while men release oxytocin and vasopressin, followed by testosterone, leading to detachment so that they can make conscious decisions when it comes to having sex.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Your insights are valuable. How do you think we can better educate young individuals about attachment and relationships

[@v9b23j]

@@AttachmentAdam I think introducing John Bowlby's Attachment Theory, basic Evolutionary Biology/Psychology, and Non-Violent Communication into the junior high school curriculum as mandatory subjects would be a valuable step in promoting healthier relationships, empowering students with self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and healthier communication skills, allowing them to form meaningful connections and, consequently, contributing to a more harmonious social environment. Attachment Theory can help students understand how early childhood experiences with their primary caregiver shape their attachment styles and influence their relationships throughout life. For students with anxious attachment styles (anxious/avoidant/disorganized), this can lay the foundation for developing a more secure attachment style to develop healthy self esteem and form functional relationships. Incorporating basic Evolutionary Biology/Psychology into the curriculum provides students with a broader understanding of human behavior in the context of relationships, shedding light on evolutionary adaptations, mating preferences, and reproductive strategies. Students can use this as a guidance for dating, having sex, marriage, having children, parenting, etc. Integrating Non-Violent Communication may foster empathy, active listening, and effective expression of emotions and needs, equipping students with valuable tools to navigate their relationships with emotional literacy, mutual understanding, assertive communication, conflict resolution skills and the ability to validate each other's feelings, needs and requests even if they don't agree with them.

[@alexcoe5303]

Love your content, brother. The Chris Williamson and MP podcasts were fantastic and very eye-opening. Keep it up!!! This isn’t my real account however I’d love to chat with you sometime

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for the support. 👍

[@DrTaylorBurrowes]

You’re so smooth!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks, been getting better with every year I do this.

[@HindiLargo]

I found that being 100% honest about your past can backfire with someone that has attachment issues…. He turned it around as if I was to feel shame from my past… should have been my first clue! 🚩

[@AttachmentAdam]

Sorry to hear this! Focusing on shaming you is definitely a big clue that you're a BAD match

[@brunob8626]

Thank you for another great video you are doing a great job breaking the lessons down so anyone can listen and relate to it.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching. What part of this one stuck out for you?

[@brittanynelson209]

Thank you so much. This is what I was hoping but the the internet is rude..

[@AttachmentAdam]

Yes there are a lot of people on the Internet talking about this in an unsavory way that makes accusations and attacks women for the challenges they face. I definitely wanted to present a healthy and compassionate view just to give people more information as they make their choices. Is this topic something you’d like to work on? How can I help?

[@brittanynelson209]

@@AttachmentAdam well, the wall is a hot topic that depresses women in their 30s ie: me

[@AttachmentAdam]

I hear that so often from women. Then I teach them why it’s not a problem. If you’ve got time, DM me on Instagram (@attachmentadam) and I’ll explain why it’s not the disaster they teach you it is.

[@palomavictoriaf]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I admire you! This is so hard to say nowadays.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I’m glad this resonated with you. What part did you enjoy the most?

[@savannahannalay7296]

Please do video for women! As a 20 year old female, living in the U.S with pornification and sex being the most important. I am struggling so much in dating, or finding guys that will value me as a person not as a sex object.

[@AttachmentAdam]

That’s a good idea, thanks.

[@_Palesa_M]

This was so informative and helpful!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad to be helpful. What stuck in your mind the most?

[@_Palesa_M]

Can I articulate in my own words as I can’t say what you said verbatim? What stuck with me was when you alluded to how sex for women is more emotional therefore creating an attachment which in essence is just an illusion whereas for men it’s more physical and that men typically use women as outlets (in casual situations) hence it’s easier for them to ghost women because they didn’t form any attachment from the encounter(s). This all means that women barely win in casual situations aka hook-up culture.

[@KweenBriii]

Groundbreaking.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Which part stuck in your mind?

[@poorexecution]

Why is it that men don’t crave emotional intimacy and connection the way women do? I genuinely can’t understand why there is such a disconnect.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Men have more vasopressin receptors. Meaning men bond better with stress. Meaning teamwork and accomplishing tasks together. Men bond by DOING TOGETHER. After that’s established they can deepen it with emotional intimacy. But it’s usually vasopressin first.

[@AttachmentAdam]

If you’re curious, here’s a peer-reviewed paper on vasopressin/oxytocin. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5743651/

[@Kurio71]

Come to think about it, I almost never share emotional intimacy. I need to work on this.

[@camiocain5075]

@@AttachmentAdam Okay what about this. Me, as a woman, can’t form an emotional bond unless me and someone else do something together, or through stress like you said. What does this mean? I like the romantic aspects of things like most women do, but I find that I can bond better under stress because it allows me to see how someone thinks and acts while under stress and if thats something that will be good for us in the future. Help me understand

[@bikinigirlludofan]

Same! I'm a woman, and I feel feminine, and people view me as feminine, but I find it extremely satisfying and I get very attached when I and my partner do things together, especially serious tasks and problem solving... People are not stereotypes and have all kinds of personalities. So is there maybe a spectrum of feminine-masculine regarding attachment, rather than a defined divide male-female? @AttachmentAdam I would be very interested to know your viewpoint!

[@JanainaColombini]

I'm an immigrant in Milan, so I find it difficult to improve my social network. So I tried a few dates online. With one date, I felt almost as an obligation of going to his home to hook him up, so that he didn't lose his interest in me. But I have to admit that he did a great job in booming me with an enormous amount of compliments... Mainly saying how I was an intelligent girl. As I have an anxious attachment, I felt in heaven! I was given all the attention I wanted, and I felt in love with him almost immediately. After that, my Cinderella story ended up in him ghosting me one month later after several red flags that he wasn't into me. But come on! People don't even give you a second chance to go deeper into a second date/conversation!!! I just have to thank you so much for the awareness you give online. I finally understood that my fear of rejection made me use a modus operandi of doing everything other people wanted in order to receive some validation. In the end, I finally could see that I have been manipulated all the time, and that manipulators will never give you what you want, just some breadcrumbs... I'd also like to thank you for your idea on online dating and its sordid environment. I always thought that too, but I gave in to the idea of trying it just to get hurt. As everybody seems to be doing it, I gave it a try and bam: 2 weeks of therapy!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I am so sorry you've been facing this challenge, but it's encouraging that you're facing the truth and doing your work to build a better connection with someone in your future. Please check out some of my other videos especially the one on Lovebombing, that's going to be a crucial part of your understanding for how people are able to manipulate you. Leave comments with questions and I'll answer them!

[@kjbkjhkjhjk7775]

Yes as I heal, I will absolutely not be intimate with a man I dont feel safe with.

[@AttachmentAdam]

You would have an even more amazing experience! What are some green flags you look for that make you feel safe?

[@danielk348]

This is absolutely crazy to think that a lot of woman won't ever get that real connection they are seeking due to the fact of being permiscious. I don't know how a woman can get a bond with a potential husband with all those demons and attachments in her past

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is a question many people ask. We have yet to get an answer.

[@danielk348]

@@AttachmentAdam exactly your right

[@cappygurl]

Yes they can if they do the healing work.

[@savdav2061]

Thank you

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching

[@poorexecution]

& a follow up question, why is it that men fake emotional connections with women / say things they don’t mean? Is this purely to get sex?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Bad men do this because they think sex is the best connection possible. They’re afraid of intimacy. And insecure women play along because they don’t know how to get better.

[@oambitiousone7100]

Does Adam Ln., Smith have any videos on women’s body self-consciousness, self loathing? I think my insides are fine; it’s the outside that is repulsive.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I have a blog post prepped that hasn’t launched yet, I plan to turn that into a video soon. Stay tuned. 👍

[@oambitiousone7100]

@@AttachmentAdam Thank God, and thank you!

[@maggietinsley2516]

Can cite your research?

[@AttachmentAdam]

I suggest searching the NIH database and finding the wealth of information available on this topic. It is freely available to all.

[@Argon369]

A lot of men wont even care if the girl is beautiful and she slept with tons of guys because these guys barely slept with a hot girl and would take anything good their way !

[@AttachmentAdam]

Unfortunately there are many people who don't care about the relationship but are merely there to binge pleasure and get approval. Hopefully we can teach them better.

[@rpcp5v18]

How long (6 months, a year, more?!!!) does it take for a woman to get over her past and begin to to be able to pair bond with a good husband?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Depends on the woman, her trauma history, and how eager she is to do the work.

[@skyejacques]

Try EMDR therapy. I did it for depression and PTSD flashbacks and for childhood violence, and this helped me to heal from a sex and love addiction with a man currently. Trauma healing is really key. That takes as long as you take. 😊❤

[@calmplacedontjudge]

& Thats Why we should be Obeying the Laws of Chastity!!! 100%!!!! & That's Why We Should Be Obeying the Laws of Chastity!!! 100%!!!' & Again!!! That is Why we Should be Obeying the Laws of Chastity 100%!!!! & Who Wants someone that been used' Guy or Girl like a chewed up piece of gum off the Streets!!!! Nobody!!!!!

[@AttachmentAdam]

It’s clear you’re passionate about your values, and they’re important to you. How can you ensure that these standards are respected in a relationship without letting resentment or judgment take over?

[@karasmusic123]

After watching this, it makes me wonder if men are afraid of being friends with women because they're afraid of building together and accidentally emotionally bonding too strong the way women do through oxytocin release during sex.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Many men are too afraid of the roughness of male contact and the direct calling out of problems, so they stick to women to be mothered and comforted. It's not a good solution and few are ever happy with it.

[@our.secret1130]

How do men emotionally bond?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Through vasopressin. I’ve got several guides on this channel for that bonding, and several of those are about male bonding specifically.

[@overseezer]

I know a couple of women who could benefit from this video. I'm afraid I'll offend them though if I share. Like "Hey! I know you're a massive skank, and it hasn't been working out for you, this video could help!" I don't see that going over too well. 😖

[@AttachmentAdam]

Try an approach more like, "I'm realizing this is a lot of the women in my life, what do you think of it?"

[@overseezer]

@@AttachmentAdam Thank you! That's perfect!

[@juliuss.5797]

Hey Adam, you mentioned in the description that men who want something more are insecure and really creepy. What did you mean by this and does this mean men shouldn't want something more?

[@AttachmentAdam]

I’m not sure which part you’re referring to, can you give me a specific quote?

[@juliuss.5797]

@@AttachmentAdam it's in the second paragraph where you say "why are men eager to have sex but leave as if the sex meant nothing?" Then you mention the part about the few wanting more being creepy and insecure

[@juliuss.5797]

Did you manage to find the section I was referring to?

[@Foxie770]

@@juliuss.5797 he’s simply saying that many of the guys out there who want a relationship are desperate and clingy. They become overbearing very quickly. Also not a healthy attachment style (anxious). I’ve met these types, today people refer to them as “simps”. Basically they are just lonely insecure guys who will accept any woman they can get and are not really looking for a healthy equal relationship based on shared values & goals.

[@TomikaKelly]

No one even knows how many sexual partners a person has had unless they tell someone...

[@AttachmentAdam]

That's true, but a huge debate happening right now among young dating people is if you should have to tell each other or not. What do you think?

[@Powerhaus88]

@@AttachmentAdam 100% tell, otherwise you're trapping someone into a situation they normally would not want to be in.

[@Unvaccinatedpureblood]

Edward Dutton has a different view on this.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks.

[@haselbasil2488]

This just sounds like an excuse to make it ok for men to have casual sex and not women, I don't need any study to tell me that casual sex is bad for men too.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Why does this sound like an excuse to you?

[@haselbasil2488]

@@AttachmentAdam Because you talk as if casual sex only has a negative effect on women, but from what I've heard most studies show it's BOTH men and women who have a hard time pair bonding if they have had multiple partners in the past. Keep in mind I'm not saying this because I have had multiple partners in the past, I actually don't believe in casual sex for men or women.

[@AttachmentAdam]

At what point in the video did I say casual sex has no effect on men?

[@haselbasil2488]

@@AttachmentAdam Hmm, you are right you did not say that. I have been watching too many red pill video's of men saying it's ok for them to have lots of casual sex but women should not that I assumed you were just another one. My apologies.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I totally hear you. That IS the argument that gets made, that this is TOTALLY FINE for men. And it’s false. Sounds like we agree. 🤝