Avoidant breadcrumbing prolongs the PAIN

[@MissSarahGM]

Because we don't see it as breadcrumb, we believe this is finally them trying to come back, and so we welcome them without being confrontational. We believe we need to be patient. But when it goes over the span of months and even years, and there's no step to rekindle or really talk, it takes radical acceptance of what this is really, and in my opinion, ignoring them altogether. Let them connect the dots on the why they were left on read this time.

[@apriladams988]

Mine left me sfter I set boundaries and now is with a rebound

[@johnnycalderon9951]

@@apriladams988 wow same here

[@SSJavenger]

Mine left me for a drug addict, mind you i was ''the best she ever had'' and when i made fun of her she still said ''we haven't said we are in a relationship''. Mind you she said she was in love with this guy. LOL.

[@youtubeaccountserio2633]

They are just damaged people that have ptsd or cptsd

[@GabbyLeigh-k8r]

This is why I believe in only taking an avoidant back once. Just to give yourself peace of mind and heart knowing you did give it second chance & honestly give yourself full closure. Sometimes that second chance is all you need to detach and see things clearly. Breadcrumbing happens when you hold on after they’ve already blown their second chance. Let them go, do better, and wish them well. They’re gonna need it.

[@bapparawal2457]

Avoidants hurt other people badly. Then people are scared to trust and open up to others. Its the betrayals of highest forms.

[@BlueSeaDeep]

I want to share my story, maybe it gives some of my fellow limbo dancers strength for the future. Yes it hurts so much, for me it was the biggest pain in my love experience so far. Spoiler right away, somewhere at the beginning I had this super realistic dream in which she was waking me up. And she did on so many levels about myself. During the "Relationship" and still after I cut off contact when I had enough. For me, she was the perfect mirror for my blind spots to locate and heal them. I understand her behaviour very well, gave her my understanding but she was always playing her games until I ended it. It just fucking hurts to be on the other side and see the road to nowhere. But I am thankful for her, she made me a stronger and better man in many areas of my life I was lacking healing and would never be able to get there. No other relationship was able to do this for me. Sometimes (because in the video you've mentioned Twinflames) I had this feeling ("knowing") of something unknown forced us to be like this, just to face our own traumas and heal together. For me the great lesson was to letting go, I knew it but my feelings for her were the most intense and truly I have ever had about someone and made it sheer impossible for me to do so. When I finally did let her go, it felt like everything is ok and is going to be ok. I still love her, wish her the best and hope she will wake up and rise above her shadows as well. I don't mind if life gives us a second unexpectedly meeting or not. I just hope she finds a way out and can feel and enjoy love and all the true feelings out there her own. I think this journey with avoidants is more often an equalisation for both sides (more for an anxious first) on a higher level to find back to your personal true self and to grow stronger as an individual. Everything in the universe, in every aspect, is on the urge to find equilibrium and as a human this one hurts the most because you have to face your own shadows too and love makes it a 1000 times harder. It's worth it though. I hope everyone finds their courage to embrace their own power and do not have the fear of it. You are a true warrior, you prove it in your relationship with your avoidant. Now prove it to yourself and win your own inner war. Life will reward you when you exit with the intention of love to yourself and to your avoidant too. It's not an easy task, I know it for sure. I wish to every body who is in this kind of state of suffering, strength, hope and growth. You are going to find a way out and you are going to find missing parts for the whole picture of yourself. Building a puzzle is often enough frustrating but a huge relief when finished. Never abandon yourself, because someone else is doing it to you. Life is a mirror to show where to find the equilibrium for oneself and also for the people you know and are going to meet. Go on building your puzzle, you won't finish it alone, that must be said and don't fear the power of sharing your true self for it. You will never know how helpful you are for someone else's puzzle. This is your essence and it's beautiful! Show the world that it is worth fighting for growth. No warrior is fighting alone because we all are warriors in this battlefield and yes, even the avoidants are warriors too. We don't need sides to choose because every single human is fighting for the same. It is love. I wish you a safe journey! You are rocking it, now show the devil that you have learned how to dance the limbo of life!

[@Oceanbluegreen]

I wish you all the love and the wonders in the world. I needed your words, thank you🙏🏻🌼

[@Unknown02020-t]

Can’t reach out when they’re blocked. We deserve better as people. Heal yourself, grow, find someone who cherishes you and is vulnerable with you.

[@amymitchell1054]

He’s blocked it still hurts a lot. Dear Lord please protect me from people like this 🙏

[@kimmae9283]

It's the worst! And this is exactly what to say to that breadcrumbing BS...Before you waste anymore of my time or your time know this, I deserve someone who is all in every fucking day. Not someone who only thinks of me when they're having a bad day or when their current situation is not working.

[@bapparawal2457]

I fell for his breadcrumbing. Its really painful. Finally have shut doors for communication. Thanks for sharing advice .

[@Nyenae]

Liked this video (already watched it 3 times over) and will play it on repeat every time I waiver. This message is so important and might be your best video to date. I feel like you're speaking directly into my soul. 2 years on and off. I go no contact every time but he keeps texting me, commenting on my updates, giving me compliments and coming back time and time again every time it doesn't work out with their shiny new object (person).. And I kept taking him back and finally realising what that says about me more so than him.

[@cococaptivating7611]

When an avoidant rejects me, I go into I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me. They stay away, I haven’t had this problem.

[@brennam954]

Good, that means you have secure attachment.

[@MkMOriginal]

busy busy busy . . . avoid the dopamine carrot

[@thewholeyou]

You are the hat & t-shirt king....lol 👕 🧢

[@youtubeaccountserio2633]

The anxious attachment savior

[@ty-vy5br]

I think when we have strong boundaries and no expectations, they cannot breadcrumb us as it doesn’t have any effect. We simply accept them for who they are.

[@lynnmcdonald3401]

This is good advice. I have found that now I need to not even open messages from him. They are not beginning with “I’m sorry” so not opening. As even opening a message gives him validation. Have had to leave two messages from him unopened. He knows I want permanency and unless he shows up at my front door ready to commit I will not give him the time of day going forward and I stand on that because he has done this to me for years and not even given me relationship status in the last 2 years (after a 9 year break). In the past I lived with him. So I just have to carry on my life and love myself and work on my passions and live assuming that he will not come back unless he himself decides to change because he is worth it and deserving of commitment. I think that is his core wound. From childhood. Anyway it has been a very painful experience to cut him off now but I cannot continue the on and off bread crumbing which for me is so much worse. It’s torture. Sadly. But I’m getting there and not crying as much now so I think that is a good sign of healing ❤

[@samstetson7252]

The pain...is me allowing it.

[@AineeZahra-ww5sk]

Great Sir ❤

[@GodHelpMe369]

I'm so ashamed I feel so much shame I'm the oldest and my youngest sibling is getting married... AGAIN! (for the second time!!) meanwhile, I've never been married, I have no children, in fact, I've never actually ever been, in a real relationship... (just an awful horrific series of abusive "situationships") I die of the grief and shame just die

[@MissSarahGM]

Don't be ashamed, it's not your fault at all. Don't compare yourself to siblings. Some of us are more traumatised, more sensitive, more set up to have abusive situationships. Even as you heal, the world is such now that it is hard to find a healthy wholesome man with integrity and values. Keep your standards high and cultivate joy within. And even if it didn't happen, because it could, it is still better to be single than being with abusive/ neglectful / self-absorbed partners.

[@maccabro7]

thats what she does... I'm conflicting between blocking her, or just ignoring her. I feel like if I block her at least I wont have that heart pop everytime I get a notification thinking its from her. But isn't that weak?

[@DivinaDiosa3845]

It’s not weak. You can’t help how you feel. Blocking is a great idea. It will allow you to heal to the point where you feel indifferent.

[@Rfp601]

I was neutral to an avoidants attempt at receiving validation and now she doesn’t talk to me

[@ermaxermax6895]

After intense 10 y and date of marriage set, i was discharged. 99% ghosted. Terrible pain. I cut the last 1%. I don't know what to do if she one day will reappear

[@DivinaDiosa3845]

Be with someone who appreciates you.

[@preciousbweupelappi5253]

Exactly that what i did block everywhere but anyhow he found a way to reach out to me and i never reacted. I did that before billion times. This time never allow that

[@Ahicksaf]

she reached out for any reason except the relationship, more than 7 times. She either wants a favor or seeking attention, its terrible.

[@spice174]

He breadcrumb me 2 months ago, but know for 1 month no communication and he has blocked me, but it was very hurtful.

[@kalencorrie8525]

Are there many people “on the side” involved in the avoidant’s bread crumbing?

[@passerby6168]

At the end of the day, what are they avoiding? Yes, it's often down to them thinking they are unlovable inside. But what is the reason for this? Just as often because they are keeping secrets they should not, and lying, and wearing different masks with other people. That is what makes them feel unlovable (if they have at least some conscience convicting them) hence avoiding you finding that out. Whatever the case may be in each circumstance and each person, and this may differ, the possibility needs to be considered that they are avoiding "you" to be more true to or have more time for "someone else".

[@kalencorrie8525]

Thank you for your reply. The insanity of being married to someone with this pd has destroyed my life. I’m starting over again alone, but then, I was alone with him in a very dark place. This information needs to be in our textbooks.

[@colscary]

Coach can i save her? Like all our interests and ideology were the same ;0;

[@brennam954]

Nope. We all have the same story. They rarely change and certainly won't if you enable them. 99% of the time, that means you need to let them go.

[@cecilang9721]

What makes you think you are a savior, just because you are willing to sacrifice yourself? Nothing avoidants hate more than that, actually, the burden of that. Move on. Painful though it is.