Avoidants often pursue the “perfect, easy” relationship

#discard #avoidantattachment #dating #fearfulavoidantattachment #attachment #attachmentstyle #heartbroken #insecureattachment #dismissiveavoidant #dismissiveavoidantattachment #fearfulavoidant #avoidant #avoidantattachment #breakup #divorce #relationship #situationship #emotionallyunavailable #relationshipcoach #copingstrategies #discarded

[@MenelikAME]

When I told my Avoidant Ex that all relationships take work, her response was “Either they work, or they don’t”… 😂😂😂 That’s why none of her relationships ever worked out… 😩😩😩

[@helenpauline7]

Yup, it takes work and they'd rather work on avoiding any real inner work 😂

[@PhantomVortex]

Basically sounds like, "Either they work for the benefit of the ex only, or they don't work at all."

[@MenelikAME]

@@PhantomVortex 🎯

[@BlackWolf-gk8sn]

Bruh. But same here lol. She was non stop crying around, why no relationship worked out for her. Playing the victim 24/7. But when I said, bruh, you have huge trust issues and fear of closeness and you are impulsive af..,she was like. Oh well... maybe YOU are just to sensitive to handle me.. Oh wow.. see, that´s why you have no friends either XD

[@MenelikAME]

@ you must’ve been on my shoulder cause that’s the same conversation verbatim 😂😂😂

[@tomdane]

Thank you. This is literally exactly what I was telling my anxious X: “I can’t give you what you are looking for”. Also, I definitely think I will always disappoint people. I always feel like I start out with a ton of plus points and then that slowly degrades into a big deficit. Thank you for making a video that is useful to me as an avoidant. Most of your videos are directed towards the partner of an avoidant and I have been feeling quite a lot of one-sidedness in those. This is actually a video that I as an avoidant can use for personal growth ❤ I am starting to remember episodes from my childhood which till now I didn’t associate with this kind of shutdown trauma. This has given me a lot to think about and I will definitely mention this to my therapist.

[@WeepingWidowSueAna]

Very happy to see an Avoidant on here actively seeking to learn and grow - as an FA myself, I salute you!! 🙂I admire that you are willing to actively heal and this alone makes you NOT a disappointment! ;-) I am sorry that you struggle with such traumas and wish you all the very best in your journey. Have you ever watched any of Adam Lane Smith's videos? He is one of my favorites - he has some great videos that I think you might enjoy. One is called "What an Avoidant Man Needs to Be Happy" by Adam Lane Smith. He's a huge advocate for Avoidants so just wanted to let you know! Take care!

[@austinsavage3540]

Good for you ! Keep it up !

[@thomaspan6514]

You did not WANT to give them what they were looking for. Avoidants often withhold what they have but test others what their bare minimium is. Nonetheless good to see some avoidants want to seek help and heal and grow out of their traumaed small kids.

[@HibaBelhadj-w4h]

It’s actually sad …. I wish them well and I hope they work on this.

[@malwads1836]

Sure these "perfect" relationships in their head exist🙂.... They're the sleazy ones like 1 night stands, friends with benefits, etc🤢.It's so easy to 👀 why avoidant types frequently attract the bottom of the barrel types like narcs, sociopaths, etc because they're all too happy to cater to that childish fantasy....At first.The more I learn about avoidant types, the worse & worse they sound for virtually any attachment style....This really is a wretched existence for folks that haven't recovered😮‍💨.I'm so happy I ran like my butt was on 🔥 in less than 3 months while trying to get to know 1 of these people, folks protect your secure attachment like your life depends on it & don't let these very unhealthy people cause you to flip to being insecure🌞👍🏻👍🏻.

[@deepthoughts87-d4s]

Agreed she felt safer as a side chick and another ex that cheated the whole time than with me what a mindf**ck

[@shaniams96]

@malwads1836 mine attracted healthy partners because he put on a show at the beginning ans presented himself as healthy. I have my sh*t together, have done lots of healing and growth, succeeding in school, live on my own, know how to communicate and our whole relationship was a huge trigger for him because of the fact that I'm healthy..

[@mary_canary]

@@malwads1836 You are hilarious 😂 ! And very convincing and motivational.

[@RayRayNDemUSA]

@@deepthoughts87-d4sExperienced the same with an ex GF.

[@whitneytravels]

So sad but absolutely true! I was told verbatim I just want easy, it needs to be easy. This isn’t easy. I don’t want to keep having all these “deep talks” “I just want peace”…

[@dislexas]

my avoidant was so weird because he kept demanding depth off me, heavy conversation, but when I needed to talk about anything he turned it into "oh well, you'll figure"

[@whitneytravels]

@@dislexas wow yes, that’s the sad reality! They prioritize their own needs only. Your needs aren’t important and “one-sided”. I was secure before I met my ex and also he was my first love.

[@melissachew8798]

Wait... that's verbatim what my partner says! Omgggg...

[@LuisPerez-jf8vj]

​@whitneytravels probably because they believe they cannot meet your needs, so they try to do as if you don't have any

[@ItsChristineTV]

I was in a relationship with an avoidant for 22 years. When the big C19 illness hit in 2020 he left to take care of his parents (not that they really needed it, they were in good health and could take care of themselves). I didn’t see him in person for 4 years and still haven’t. He made no effort to visit me, despite me pleading and crying. I had two big medical issues where I needed my person to be there for me, and when I got upset that he still didn’t come to see me, he said “it’s not like you were in the hospital or anything.” Um, I was so ill that I fainted in public and kind strangers called 911 for me. I finally broke it off last year and according to him it was a total surprise. He supposedly didn’t see it coming. I’m still angry at myself for putting up with him for that long, but thankful I finally left.

[@lunafairfield9913]

Why do they do this 😢

[@wizardofaus2985]

@ItsChristineTV lol. I shouldn't laugh but this is my husband to a tee. He also left during the first lockdown.

[@shaniams96]

@ItsChristineTV when I was sick from stress and needed him, he went absolutely cold and non responsive (in person). Then later on told me he thought I was "embelishing it". I think they view emotions as manipulation because they aren't willing to face their own; also mixed with having theirs neglected as a kid. So if they couldn't, it gives them the ick when others show emotion

[@anuragbhattacharya2940]

Do they know how much their partners are compromising on just to give them the “perfect” relationship “in their head”?

[@geemail369]

They just don't care. _"You be you and we'll see if it works ... for me!"_

[@shaniams96]

Im currently going through a discard. He openly admitted the way hes treated his ex partners and gave himself away by saying "they had good qualities but also things they didnt like". Avoidants fault find, nitpick, and feel unsafe around people who have a healthy self esteem. His ex was passive, so he called her phony. Im assertive, so he called me rude and a complainer. There is always going to be something, no matter who it is. Having a relationshop void of closeness is not what they WANT, but its all they can handle if they dont decide to work on themselves.

[@smokingcrab2290]

My ex wife is an avoidant. It really became clear with how obsessed she was with her family and how she forced me to get involved with them. My emotions were constantly invalidated by her and her whole family. Especially her dad. None of them cared. None of them even really tried to get to know me. Neither did she. They were like robots that were addicted to their own small little world.

[@yippierb]

Oh my ! My soon to be ex wife of 35yrs to a tee.

[@shaniams96]

@smokingcrab2290 i can relate to this a bit.. his mom presented the same fault finding and critical behaviors as him, and called me names for "making any mistakes" in the relationship. It's like the way he talked to his mom about our relationship was strange. Almost as if him ans his mom put themselves on a pedestal to judge others. Their relationship was off.

[@wizardofaus2985]

@smokingcrab2290 oh man!! This is my in-laws! I've barely heard a word in nearly 7 years- yet I'm supposed to be their daughter in law. I also describe them as robot like.

[@Fyreflyy1]

You videos perfectly describe my husbandmarrhave been together for 25 years and we only got married because I got pregnant at 18 (he was 20) and "forced him" to marry me. He loves the unconditional love I give him so he stays and instead has affairs. I didn't find out about all of it until 2 years ago while literally bed ridden from long Covid. Between my health and the fact I've been a stay at home mom for most of those 25 years and my health and the only jobs I can get are low pay part time retail. I don't even make enough to pay for food. I am completely dependent on him. I have been diagnosed with PTSD because of him. I finally got to a point where I am able to start a business that will match his income and he is blocking me from being able to do it. If he wants it, it is top priority. If I want it, it is impossible.

[@andreabrunkow9314]

This describes my situation almost exactly. I fully understand what you've been through. I'm so sorry.

[@earlgrey2130]

Thats why they enjoy the honeymoonphase and then leave. They just want to consume the initial high, not do any work.

[@b-six-twelve]

What I don’t understand is I was offering the avoidant in my life care, encouragement and support until the wrenches he was throwing into things got too painful, and I finally stood up for myself. Then he withdrew. He invalidated my feelings. He abandoned me. Yet I’m sure the narrative in his mind is that I proved everything he feared would happen did happen, even though he was behaving in all the ways he claimed to hate and be wounded by.

[@smokingcrab2290]

My ex wife did all of this. She still blames me for everything till this day and constantly has a new narrative

[@hellokittyjp9323]

You are a great coach. Everything you explained is correct.

[@Namtaskic]

Had the final conversation with my avoidant ex. She talked about all my red flags, but every time I tried to expose her red flags, she downplayed them and she got offended whenever I mentioned them. From my understanding, she did not have a mother figure, and her last ex cheated on her. She got very upset when I was not consistently with her, but got upset when I gave her too much attention. But I started working on my mistakes, she pointed out more and said I was still making the same mistakes. I am now happier without this toxic avoidant person in my life. But I sadly had to learn the hard way and she had to be the one to cut me off.

[@fatz1410]

We dated the same girl. She would find all my flaws, but when I pointed hers out, she would deflect and avoid. Borderline crying, saying I was attacking her. Shit was exhausting.

[@EvanEvansE3]

What??? So these avoidants actually fear rejection? That is crazy. Because they certainly don't act like it. They appear independent and like your opinion means nothing to them.

[@dislexas]

they're cowards who didn't grow up because they were never required to. They have no problem inflicting others what they fear they might do to them. They live showing off their capacity to hurt

[@EvanEvansE3]

​@@dislexasuhh, no. My wife (avoidant) is in the Army. She's the most brave person in my family. Avoiding dependancy (being extremely overly independent) does not make you a coward. It just makes you have no desire for a partner to rely on. They want a "light" "easy" "surface level" relationship. Anything deeper makes them scared of themselves (being inadequate and exposed as faulty). It's from conditioning. It's not willful. It's not a choice for them. It's what they're attracted to and disgusted by, wired into them.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

​@@EvanEvansE3 thank you for recognizing why your wife is avoidant and having compassion for her. I imagine that many people who enlist must have to have some form of avoidance in order to emotionally handle what they endure out there. What do you think? Someone brought up a good point recently that firefighters, cops, coroners and many in these types of careers likely have a form of avoidance as a way to deal with and compartmentalize traumatic events.

[@EvanEvansE3]

@@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope TY 🙏 The wife and I just finished watching the 10-part miniseries "The Pacific" produced by Steven Spielberg. Each episode is 1 hour. It's very good and emotional and covers many real life heroes and their relationships with family and girlfriends and wives. What I want to tell you, is perfectly illustrated in that series... and it's that, how people cope with what causes them anxiety is precisely different for each person like it's different with Attachment Styles with each individual in life. One soldier might have no problem with something harrowing whilst another does. Another soldier might have no problem with something simple, like boredom, whilst it drives another to breakdown. The miniseries is entirely based on the true stories, from the various books that were written by the actual heroes, intertwined. And so it's very real in the sense that it's not hammed up or "pretend" emotions or personnas. It's very much a study of humankind when faced with those situations. I think because you enjoy the psychology of attachment styles, you'll really enjoy it.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

@@EvanEvansE3 Netflix? That does sound interesting. I think attachment theory is so much more complex than most coaches teach and how a lot of people take in their information so it's refreshing to talk to someone more grounded on this channel who is married to what sounds like a lovely woman.

[@evarudmik2910]

After 44 years a pretty good marriage anytime there were problems he ran out the door… That indicated to me he didn’t love me that indicated to me so much but I could never get through to him. He said “I’m not good about talking about stuff like that “. I was insulted I felt he didn’t care. I felt unloved. He didn’t want to communicate??? if only I had seen your videos then , but thank you so much for explaining ❤ ,,, and it’s so true their family never ever talked because they weren’t allowed to express their feelings. I can’t even imagine. But my family was completely the opposite

[@Empress_Energyyy]

Well there’s no expectations or threat of emotional intimacy between me and my twin flame. I said goodbye a long time ago. There you go. Their perfect relationship. I’m giving them what they gave me. Which is nothing.

[@mary_canary]

The first month into the "relationship" he said outloud he's not looking for "the next best thing" and then switched into another "relationship" only to realize that wasn't good enough either and crawl back to me. The entire time I was perplexed and confused what is going through the poor man's mind. Had he been rejected in the past so many times that he was securing his options, or he was treating people like goods he could just return and exchange?!?

[@SweetBarryWyne]

This is the most insightful video yet! Perfect explanation.

[@DianaHorn-ot1ph]

Sorry to hear all that. Poor people cause they are suffering from themselves. As secure type we at least can walk away from people that are not secure type but they can't walk away from themselves. Number one most they can't identify themselves, second they need to start deep healing process. Dear Ryan thank you for all your Videos.

[@EvanEvansE3]

When you've both committed to be with each other for life (marriage) and have many kids, "walking away" is not the right solution. Nor is it "secure". It's more of an Anxious response. A Secure Attachment style will choose to communicate and explore solutions until all possibilities have been exhausted (which realistically is never... there's always therapy, church, family, etc.) The "work" that a Secure partner can create for the relationship can be very robust and enduring. Sure a Secure can leave. Anytime. Just as much as an Avoidant. But the responsibility to the relationship can be priority for at least the Secure partner and although to a lesser extent, the Avoidant. IMHO! 🤝

[@beverlygarcia6475]

I was involved with an avoidant ex I had to get out of the situation I saw some things that really told me I need to move on first of all he wasn't honest about certain things that I was bringing it to his attention and I would see them and he's still with the dye them and not just that but after I got through cutting contact with him he's done some things that just was out of character to me and I don't think that I could have dealt with that any longer I need it to be somewhere where someone is not so ghosting and wishy-washy and cold and hot he became that and I was unable to deal with it. I have moved on

[@spinback72]

It seems to be more about superficials. So little can ever really get started, let alone maintained 😐

[@tamipriestley2440]

I keep watching these videos to remember how terrible it was with avoidant ex. He had a good childhood with good parents. He chose to be a classic dismissive avoidant because he loves to live in limerance and it's the way he can justify it.

[@DianaHorn-ot1ph]

I am happy today just because I didn't loose myself and who I am❤❤

[@cassandra5463]

You described my ex perfectly. He maintained contact with an ex the entire duration of our 1.5 year long relationship. She sent me screenshots of their inappropriate communications that had scheduled "appointments" for sex which he blatantly denied. After choosing to destroy our relationship with her, he ended up monkey branching me with someone completely different and is now in that "fantasy" relationship. These avoidant narcissists are so textbook, they belong to a not so secret society of frauds.

[@kathym.248]

My DA ex said a 3 year loving relationship was a fantasy for him. I guess as a DA it always was.

[@SecretMarsupial]

Just here to request no music please. Thank you for the consideration.

[@dislexas]

yikes, my avoidant said "relationships aren't there for helping" after he helped himself to my efforts. If I intend to do all I can and expect to be reciprocated, does that make me anxious?

[@PizzaTime727]

I'm new to all this, in putting words to this phenomenon too. I think wanting something in return, not even exactly what you gave, is just being human and being realistic for any team to work. Even just a sign that they're willing to communicate and work on things is a huge step in the right direction for them, and for us.

[@mistyfreya]

Oh yes. You just perfectly described me Anxiously attached While he is dismissive avoidant

[@lookintopsilocybin]

Slowly but surely everyone is becoming avoidant 😅

[@wizardofaus2985]

@@lookintopsilocybin 100%. Rise of the machines. Feel nothing.

[@PizzaTime727]

@@wizardofaus2985 Or Equilibrium, if you know that film.

[@mikerozic7225]

Thank You Coach!

[@cocohitchman3209]

Sounds like most people on dating apps even off them a lot of people are acting this way especially men😅

[@dislexas]

that's because dating apps is where people go when they've fumbled everyone they know

[@yossigorin7738]

Just out of curiosity, how would you know it’s mostly men? Have you dated both men and women?

[@EvanEvansE3]

​@@yossigorin7738the majority of users of dating apps, are divorced middle aged simp men. Over 60%. There's some KZbins you can watch to learn about the demographics of dating apps. And so those simp-behavior men are overly needy and people pleasing. They have anxious attachment styles, not Secure Attachment styles.

[@EvanEvansE3]

​@@dislexasnah, I mean unless you married your high school sweetheart, the next place you're going in your late teens and 20s, is dating apps and bars and clubs. It takes time to become a man weened off simping for girls. Most boys need to do it as a rite of passage to becoming a real man.

[@jenniferhuang962]

How do I know if he is avoidant but not actually just not feeling “it” or like me enough 😢

[@lookintopsilocybin]

By listening to your gut feeling...

[@geemail369]

There's no difference in the treatment you receive, so why bother?!

[@leannelollypop1869]

When a man wants you, he will move mountains to get to you. If his investment is low, walk away.

[@michaelhutter8026]

I’m not excusing the behavior of the people who would fall under the avoidant attachment stuff, but it sounds like they have some deep trauma that they went through from loved ones at a young age. Do you have any videos suggesting how they can improve or get help to overcome these traumas or are these videos geared only towards those in a relationship with someone who portrays those behaviors?

[@rubberducky1507]

I got it … he pulls away .. I tell him go for it .. I’m moving on .. then he doesn’t leave ! Try meh ! Everyone is replaceable

[@xl4196]

My ex is Brazilian. He surmised that if he got with a Latina he would have no relationship troubles. Because they would be ok with his 0 boundaries with friends and family. And would be basically happy with being a bang maid. Which is insulting to Latina’s. He is also 41, so nothing was stopping him from finding this perfect woman before me.

[@Caa310]

A relationship with an avoidant is hard work. So I left because I wanted more and I was sick of felling like I had to father my wife. Does that make me an avoidant? I’m confused.

[@LifeisaBeautifulting]

No, it makes you human.

[@wizardofaus2985]

@@Caa310 yes as they are emotionally child like.

[@EvanEvansE3]

@@Caa310 No, it doesn't make you an Avoidant. Before you left did you attempt to solve the relationship problems by talking about them?

[@emamahzaman2507]

Nah my avoidant always pushed me away and thought i wasnt good enough, i had faults. Not that he wasnt good enough

[@EvanEvansE3]

A male Avoidant, imho, is a completely non-relationship material partner. A female Avoidant plus Secure Male can work. But a woman cannot sustain the emotional brunt of a male Avoidant. Not sustainable. Don't ever touch another male Avoidant.

[@special_k2014]

​@@EvanEvansE3she will turn a secure person anxious in due time... its almost a given. Just a matter of when the secure male breaks

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

​@@special_k2014 I've been with a DA for almost 4 years. I'm not anxious. I'm FA/SA and our first year I had some anxiety, but once I started healing my attachment and we started getting on the same page with things it's been good.

[@EvanEvansE3]

Question: why would they fear rejection? So, let's say they were crying as a baby because they are sad about something. They got neglected routinely so they learned to self-sooth. But why would they fear rejection?

[@dislexas]

because accepting the time of self-soothing requieres the rejection of reliance. To not be open to rely. It's like playing ball, 3x the effort to do alone. still an unintelligent mechanism because consciously they could've develop better resilience with all the years that have passed. The world is too flexible and lets people get to such lengths without doing the work. They didn't grow up because they didn't need to

[@EvanEvansE3]

​@@dislexas no but he's saying they fear rejection from their partners (presumedly like they feared from their parents). Not themselves rejecting dependence/reliance. They don't fear that. They're quite fine being independent.

[@vans4lyf2013]

@@EvanEvansE3 Rejection was the trigger that made avoidants the way they are. It's because they were repeatedly rejected and it was so painful to them that avoidants learned to self-soothe in order to never need anyone else and therefore never be rejected again. If they open their hearts up to their partner and they reject them, it unleashes all the pain that they tried so hard to prevent from ever happening again.

[@EvanEvansE3]

@@vans4lyf2013 well, it's neglect that causes the Dismissive Avoidant, not rejection. You're stretching the word rejection a bit much. Rejection is like giving up your child for adoption, or punishing it by not feeding it if it's crying. What you said is right, for rejection, but in the cases of neglect there doesn't have to be rejection, just neglect. You're not necessarily rejecting the child by neglecting it. I know because I know my wife's mom and she is very close to her daughter and responsible and took care of her, never rejecting her as a baby, but she very much neglected her emotions essentially ignoring them or laughing them off or scolding her. She didn't reject her though. She was frequently absent however, leaving her daughter to fend for herself and self-sooth at home while mom was out in the fields picking coffee. So anyway, there's a distinction between neglect and rejection. I'd say rejection is more willful and active and neglect is more collateral and passive. And everything in between too I'm sure. But the definitions aren't the same.

[@vans4lyf2013]

I’m a DA so I’m telling you how it feels to a DA not what you read in textbooks. When we were kids and sad and distressed about something and our parents told us to stop crying in a hostile tone, or when we interacted with people and felt vulnerable and they responded in a way that made us feel humiliated or even more like shit than we already did at the time, we felt rejected by others and at some point we learned to suppress the negative emotions and the need for connection all together (self-soothing) so we no longer opened ourselves up to other people’s negativity as that’s not something we can control. Therefore being vulnerable with someone we love and turning on these emotions gives them the power to destroy us emotionally and everything we’ve spent a lifetime trying to suppress and prevent. This is why we hate intimacy. Because intimacy forces us to be vulnerable and open ourselves up to the possibility of us being humiliated and rejected just like we were in our formative years. I hope this helps.

[@ivylin8103]

can you make a video about avoidant don't like label in relationship?

[@ik6577]

Coach record a lot about situationship , whatch those video and you will find all answer

[@geemail369]

Expectations. A label states an implicit checklist of points you gotta meet - that's *pressure* for an avoidant. Said checklist also provides lots of options to _fail_ at any given point - MORE pressure! Having "failed" will lead to you taking a painful look at yourself ... See where this is going?!

[@lesliezucker3862]

They want a mommy or daddy

[@sarj5070]

❤

[@vans4lyf2013]

Sad. This video came just when I was deeply questioning something and I unfortunately needed to see this. I’ve never been in a relationship because I’ve been waiting to be with someone I believe I’m highly compatible with. I’ve always thought it’s just me having high standards and respecting my and others time. But it seems this pursuit of a highly compatible partner is a form of avoidant attachment. But one thing I don’t get is that there will inevitably be conflict if you pursue a relationship with someone who is not perfectly complementary to you. I don’t want to be one of the avoidants that people hate because they enter relationships they’re unsure about and inevitably make everyone including themselves miserable. How am I suppose to manage the uncertainty of not knowing whether the potential partner is a good fit without making myself and them miserable when we eventually breakup?

[@treehuggingcatlover2586]

Love is a gamble. But all it takes is two people working as a team and working hard to stay together and build a bond! As long as you admire them for their morals it will work out. All else is just trials of the world looks money etc. The perfect person/ relationship doesn’t exist! When you see people who are married for 50+ years they have worked hard to weather life’s storms together! My avoidant X kept trying to upgrade me for a woman with a higher income. He had a great woman but he is not man enough to weather the storms and fight together. You are normal with high standards the key is making sure you like the person for the right moral reasons.

[@EvanEvansE3]

Are you a male or a female?

[@vans4lyf2013]

@@EvanEvansE3 Female

[@ursulastnd]

​@vans4lyf2013 make a list of your non-negotiable in a relationship: ie religion beliefs, principles,;moral values, financial values, smoker no smoker?, fitness person? Once you know what you need in a partner and which things you are not willing to trade for, then you can try to a 75% of compatibility, knowing there will never be a 100%. With that base, explore relationships at a calm slow pace in the beginning, dont rush with anyone until you get to know them well.. maybe they are not a 100% match, but if you get a 75% one and you see there are things you can work through, tolerate and overlook because they are not a core need of yours, well... try it. Don't get stuck in an idea of a person, and the sooner you figure out they are not a match, the less you gonna be miserable. Heartbreak is always sad, but it's not the same when you've been trying to change someone for years than realizing they are not your person ASAP.

[@LuisPerez-jf8vj]

​@@ursulastndexactly. Another important aspect, use those non-negotiables and boundaries from the very beginning. Do not wait, do not please your partner expecting changes in the future. That only will lead to resentment. Be 100% you from day 1.

[@vengefulancient]

I am an avoidant who does most of this. (I won't stop either, because I'd rather be single than deal with what traditional relationships entail, and if I exist, then other people like me also exist, and meeting them is possible.) It has nothing to do with my childhood, and everything to do with emotionally abusive relationships I went through as an adult. People who attribute all trauma to childhood are hacks. It's absolutely possible to develop psychological issues as an adult, solely through adult experiences.

[@SweetBarryWyne]

Only maladjusted adults would justify such behavior. Some people hurt you at some time, so you’ll never allow a new person to be anything other than perfect?? GTFO

[@nardaone]

You are doing what avoidants do: avoid, avoid, avoid. It is not about relationships being traditional or not. You can have the most non-traditional relationship ever, if you continue avoiding your feelings, neglecting your emotions, it will never work for you. Avoidants want everything only their way. Deep down, they are terrified of rejection.

[@rel0302]

How do you know it has nothing to do with your childhood? Because you say so? You chose emotionally abusive relationships because of some trauma from childhood. Why would a healthy person choose emotionally abusive partners? They don't. And as an avoidant person you're also avoiding responsibility, blaming others for your insecure attachment, just like my avoidant ex. Good luck.

[@atmodlee]

Attachment is actually formed in childhood; between infancy and I wanna say 3 years old-at least per psychology. This isn’t something Coach Ryan is making up, it’s known science that has been true for decades. Your attachment style can change as an adult though and obviously harmful relationships can and will affect how you connect to other people. But we definitely form our initial attachment style in childhood based on how we bond to our care givers. It’s pretty rare for someone who developed a secure attachment style in childhood to end up insecure as an adult however, so I doubt you were secure growing up. You seem like a fearful avoidant.

[@vengefulancient]

@@rel0302 Lmao I didn't choose them because they were emotionally abusive. You don't know everything about a person from the start. I chose them because at the time, we got along and were attracted to each other, just like every other relationship starts. Internet rando wannabe psychology is wild.

[@MF-se1zl]

Why are you wearing a cap indoors? It is distracting. You are a handsome middle age man not a teen.

[@xl4196]

He’s obviously married with kids. So I doubt he’s trying to thirst trap on these videos.

[@GrubKiller436]

I don't wear caps, but I know some guys wear caps to hide their messy hair.

[@imagimundi]

Connect starts with attraction… then opens a channel for communicating ideas? Hey…looks like you watched😂

[@ElizabethJohnson-ng5wy]

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say to him, especially since he's offering very knowledgeable and helpful advice to people for free. You don't like the fact that he's wearing a hat? Too bad. He doesn't exist to make you happy.

[@wizardofaus2985]

@@xl4196 damn. There's me holding out hope 🤣🤣🤣