Bill Burr - FMTV | Bill & Nia: Attacked in Times Square

Nia joins Bill to recount the story of when she was assaulted and battered (or battered and assaulted) in Times Square.
From 7-26-2019
"For MeTV" features Monday Morning Podcast throwback clips every Friday!
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[@ozzygreg3427]

Love when Nia joins the show.

[@och70]

She has an Opie-level skill set of derailing more talented people's great stories with a bunch of nonsense.

[@unclerico7271]

@@och70 lol great analogy actually

[@sangredelic]

She was annoying the first few times. I'm glad they decided to shelf Angry SJW Nia.

[@ATBatmanMALS31]

I used to think Nia met the minimum shit talking requirements for Bill, now I realize Bill meets the minimum shit talking requirements for Nia.

[@lulumoon6942]

🤣

[@mihaelaandronache5492]

The chemistry between these two is so refreshing. I love listening to them laughing,breaking each other's balls

[@peterpratsch7223]

Do you?

[@faceplants2]

@@peterpratsch7223 Boo

[@oblonghilfiger3583]

They’re made for each other.

[@SirParcifal]

they remind me of George Costanzas parents!!!

[@Noname-ho7ib]

Yeah im sad now and happy for him 😂

[@CrazyDutchguys]

Bill continuously circling back to the "back in my day" joke to piss of nia is comedy gold

[@lulumoon6942]

Clearly a childhood skill.

[@VenusianLissette]

lmfaooooooo Nia is hilarious, I love the dynamic between Bill and Nia hahaha

[@setflavius8049]

The taxi driver reference killed me

[@BRockIITWi]

Nia is perfect for Bill. She has the temperament to deal with Bill. Lol!

[@TriggerHippy666]

Keyboard warriors on here give her shit but she is funny as fuck and I love how these two rip each other 👍

[@ppumpkin3282]

Not so funny, maybe a straight man to Bill, much preferred the unmarried Bill who used to slam women and marriage.

[@jDiddyi]

@@Nedula007 yeah no. Enough with that catchphrase

[@jDiddyi]

@@ppumpkin3282 commedians are often at their funniest when their personal lives are more hectic

[@Nedula007]

@@jDiddyi yeah? No? Make up your mind 😃

[@nickvaldez2500]

4:14 Nias impression of the yellow m&m has me dead.

[@prod.by3am135]

no seriously 😂 shit killed me

[@tedfordsdrumworld910]

Nia is the butter to your bread for real Bill, lol! Love listening to you two together!! "Give Starsky a little Hutch" had me dying!! 😂😂

[@aaronrandolph1267]

absolutely she definitely knows how to get him going which is likely why he married her. great couple

[@tjpryor4052]

I gotta give her credit for nailing the peanut m&m voice.

[@killwalker]

she started describing the Christmas M&M commercial...and it started playing in sync with her revision. i could picture the whole thing lol

[@andersonash9059]

@@killwalker thats exactly what just happened to me 😂😂

[@eddaniels2056]

Does the m&m ad really subtly imply Santa Claus not being real on something mostly geared towards children? It wouldn't surprise me if it does.

[@spacecowboyj]

Lmao t

[@cherylmassey1575]

She did do that

[@dinglebass]

I'M 8 MINUTES INTO THIS AND WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO THE FUCKING STORY hahahahaha love it.

[@nickalvarado7908]

I love how when Nia asked Bill if she was crazy and Bill said yeah she just says “ oh ok”

[@alexabel8010]

That's how people should be

[@fastlane1221]

Nia is funny as hell "what's up with the 5 buttons up top. You look like a Florida DJ 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@AnoNymous-ek1wr]

"How bout givin Starsky a lil Hutch ova hea"

[@GK-qc5ry]

Sounds like something Theo Von would say.

[@theangrybirdgodofthebadlan2583]

Sounds like something Wolfgang would say.

[@andrewkelly6828]

Ol' Billy Tort Law teachin' us the difference between assault and battery!

[@KimSearch865]

Nia was attacked in Times Square & they’re arguing over the M & M store! Wha? 🙃

[@AngryTurds]

Like me, 'Ol Billy booze-nutz is really easily sidetracked. 😑

[@ojpistorius6369]

@@AngryTurds well that makes you and bill practically twins Way to make it about yourself douche

[@Drenwickification]

@@ojpistorius6369 you okay hun

[@ojpistorius6369]

@@Drenwickification ya im good how are you babe

[@Drenwickification]

@@ojpistorius6369 not too bad thanks You just seemed very angry that day. Glad things are better now :)

[@simplecarnivore]

Caught you sleeping at the watering hole in the Serengeti lmaooooooo

[@mattb.5103]

In my mind I am seeing that while Nia was getting attacked, Bill was telling the girl who was attacking her a twenty minute story about how New Yak has changed since he came there and freakin M&Ms have taken over Times Square!

[@swamp9136]

Lolol gold

[@callielu7485]

I love listening to their banter...she's so funny.

[@callielu7485]

@Golden KnightI'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you're not a fan ...?

[@callielu7485]

@Golden Knight who asked you to give an example of insufferable? NOBODY...that's who. It was a good one but completely superfluous...

[@matthewmorgan7755]

Disagree

[@Skordalias4]

"And I landed ya, ol'Billy grizzle nuts,somehow runed you down caught you sleeping at the watering hole there in the Serengeti,I pulled you in the deep watah." I couldn't stop laughing at this. 😂

[@goddamncynicw5906]

Μπιλ Μπερ μόοονννοο

[@Skordalias4]

@@goddamncynicw5906 τεράστιος ο Βασίλης ο Μπερ

[@KostasPapas3]

😂

[@BREAKocean]

I can't get enough of this poetry

[@CARTOONIVERSE1]

*STORY STARTS AT **10:00**.*

[@Kdk058]

You are a good person 👍

[@srdargo1488]

Thank you.

[@EmadChowdhury]

Why would you want to skip on bill burr That got to be the dumbest thing to do

[@Jesusis_theway]

👍🏽

[@CARTOONIVERSE1]

@Jstain - The irony here is that Bill would be the 1st to admit that *nobody* wants to listen to a married couple bicker-in-circles.

[@VixGB]

Fantastic! Love Nia making Bill chuckle - brilliant combo and Nia needs to be on the pods more often right now. I know she's busy with the 2 baby BB's but Bill sparkles when she's on 🥰💗 love to them both!

[@peterpratsch7223]

Gross

[@Tayscopea]

Nia sucks

[@BurningUp99]

I'm fairly sure she treats him well u guys are beta males that have never had a gf

[@Tayscopea]

@@BurningUp99 It has nothing to do with whether she treats him well, her opinions and politics are just emotion based, therefore she sucks. Also how would you know she's a good person? You don't live with them lol.

[@andyd6338]

I like her but he's funnier when she's not there

[@chrisfischer9825]

This is hands down the funniest NiaBill episode ever. Maybe because I lived two blocks away from the M&M store for 20 years and feel Bill’s pain, or because my wife and kids are so sick of me pinning away for the “good ol days” as I bring up that damn store with such vitriol every time too, or because I’ve “rescued” my wife from several street lunatic assaults over the years or it’s just because their symbiotic functioning bickering is the template for the modern relationship...I dunno. This made my year.

[@dayra6425]

Bill is acting like he was in the warriors .. fights through the city to get home

[@rawsko0316]

Niaaaaa, come out N playyyyyyy lol

[@cavemanlawyer5608]

If he was in it, it might have been watchable

[@dayra6425]

Crybaby Pepper taster yea that movie is the worst .. Anytime I hear someone say thats a good move i want to slap them

[@franki2085]

He's a tossa

[@TheRealNintendoKid]

@@dayra6425 It's stupid, but it's still fun to watch.

[@jpjapers]

That staten island moustache on the ginger m&m hahahahhaa

[@CryWolfFilms]

Nia had me cracking up

[@juleswoodbury58]

Bill and Nia both have ADHD, and even when something interesting/traumatic is happening in their lifes we will never hear the full story because they'll always change the subject.

[@munckeysuncle]

Bill, I'm gettin' old. I found myself gettin' mad at you for not telling the attack story and going on huge tangents. I then stopped to smell the roses and have my medical cannabis and you guys rock. 2020 is gettin' me tense. Love your work- you are one of the funniest guys on the planet. Nia- You are pretty cool too.

[@1995yuda]

Preach, brother

[@TriggerHippy666]

Here here 👏

[@forgotten1s]

Not bill. Bill is only on spotify

[@leorubio5653]

"Don't ever say Plushy again" LMFAO! God I Love you Mr. Burr! hahaha..

[@RontanamoBae]

bill pretty damn mad about those m&ms

[@Martin.Wilson]

My wife always point out that I'm ten years older and I tell her that is not how I look at it. My perspective is that the year I dropped out of high school, she was in kindergarten. Perspective is everything in life. Always remember...everything smells different to a midget on an elevator.

[@garythesnail9076]

Good one 😀😃😄

[@berrybee4437]

Hwat

[@carson21211]

lmao

[@maxwellcatlett3653]

Jo Mama my girl and I are grave robbers. I found that offensive

[@findyourspine]

The thought of someone hurting Nia is making my blood boil. I guess I’ve really grown to care for this family. Be safe and be careful please.

[@Strider1Wilco]

These people don't even know who you are

[@MegumiZero]

I understand Monty python now. “GET ON WITH IT!”

[@michaelanzelino5068]

And may I say, Nia has a most wonderful quality voice.

[@bucknasty176]

Vocal fry in ever word

[@michaelanzelino5068]

@@bucknasty176 What is vocal fry ?

[@mankypancakes]

@@michaelanzelino5068 you're already on youtube... just type vocal fry in the search bar homie

[@michaelanzelino5068]

@@mankypancakes I had no idea about Vocal fry. I didn't realize that it was a real thing. Good looking out, Homie.

[@arnonroyna4420]

Nia is killin' it in this one. Clowning Bill for his views on M&M's 😂

[@TendoTheDude]

Ol' Billy Grizzled Nuts.....that is amazing.

[@samblah]

m&m's were created in ww2 times, the sugar coating on the chocolate was to stop it from melting in the rations pack and to not soil their fingers when eating.

[@noxuinddau8719]

Giraffe bears shitting

[@kirkvanek1368]

bill burr could play the steve douglas character in a remake of falling down.

[@livinginstinct7608]

Would be perfect

[@steveotatooed]

This needs to happen!!!!

[@kirkvanek1368]

@@steveotatooed i realized that it was michael douglas now. I'll show myself out

[@steveotatooed]

@@kirkvanek1368 😁

[@georgesoros5769]

Of course it would be a comedy

[@tallest4eva]

Hahahaha. Loving their back and forth banter!

[@ianbevis701]

Can we talk about how perfect a commercial impression that was!! Very talented!

[@JohnnyValmaggia]

Meanwhile, Bill's friend went off and got a hot dog. The smartest one of the bunch.

[@Subcoder]

Love how they almost immediately start disagreeing lol! Sounds like my lady and I... XD

[@thathandsomedevil0828]

Sounds like fun, dude. :)

[@user-oz3md4jg5d]

"That's the Time Square that I remember." Full circle. Lol.

[@kicknadeadcat]

I lived in New York for 35 years before I moved to Pennsylvania. I know it bills talking about. I moved out in the mid80s and when I went back in the late 90s I couldn’t believe it was the same city. As much as I don’t like Rudy Giuliani now he did a hell of a job as New York’s mayor.

[@danielgonzalez-bf8jg]

Jstain yeah the orange man is bad and Giuliani is obviously suffering from dementia

[@kicknadeadcat]

@Jstain in the York for 35 years and knew all about trump. Unfortunately outside the city no one else did. I have no problem with being tough on crime. It's when the people that are tough on crime are criminals themselves.

[@mikesecor6074]

@@kicknadeadcat Bahahahahahahahahahahaha, next

[@E2O10]

@J isn't he though?

[@anthonyhewitt9397]

Seam like Bill's 90 yrs old with his stories and old man laugh he acquired.

[@anthonyhewitt9397]

@Georgia 1977 lol that hur. Hur. Hur. Hurr.

[@AngryTurds]

Onions worn on belts. Broiled sweets.

[@KurtisBenson]

He's always had that laugh

[@hassanbeydoun2460]

He said the M&M's store thing on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert lol

[@barberitis]

That was his worst Ol Freckles interview out there I think. Literally no chemistry between them and the crowd sucked. Colbert tried to Conan him for a second but you could tell Colbert probably didn't like him.

[@hassanbeydoun2460]

@@barberitis Oh lol I *completely* agree! 😃 I felt everyone was on edge during the Colbert interview.

[@barberitis]

@@hassanbeydoun2460 yeah, it was really weird. Hahaha

[@barberitis]

@@hassanbeydoun2460 what struck me as odd too was that was like the most appreciative goodbye response I've ever hear Bill give at the end of the segment. He said something like, "Thank you...I really enjoyed being here" which to me read, "thanks for nothing dick..you and your audience suck and I'll never see you again willingly" lol Now I kind of wish he said that.

[@hassanbeydoun2460]

@@barberitis Exactly lol Bill knows how to assert/express himself properly in specific situations. For the Colbert interview for example, families group together on a couch and watch that show, so if Bill said "fuck ya' self" it would have come off as awkward. He still got the message across though when he said "thank you for your time", as many fans of his went to the comments section to write about how (1) his style of comedy didn't fit Colbert's political comedy show and (2) how different Bill was compared to being on Conan😃 Speaking of which, after this Coronavirus is over and we can all stop social distancing, Bill Burr should go on Conan and rant about that and other things😆

[@guyadamniederhauser2998]

Nia just rippin on Bill from the get. So good! hahaha

[@elgoogkcuf]

I like their chemistry.

[@RashtaEinthisB]

I love this relationship hilarious

[@waukschun]

M&M's was Mars. My great-uncle was the head of finance until he retired. Mars has always been privately owned.

[@parni6523]

11:39 Nia did an ocular pat-down

[@cdb5001]

She was covered though because Billy knows Bird law anyways.

[@RCOE76]

"That's the time square that I remember" 🤣😂🤣

[@daviddogstar3307]

I feel that anger and then coming back to yourself, Nia.

[@angelaelliott2608]

I LOVE THESE TWO THEY ARE THE BEST!!!

[@BurningUp99]

When Nia makes fun of Bill it's just as good as a comedy special because he so deserves it sometimes and she's good at it.

[@kylecampbell2164]

"M&Ms totally sold out, not like hershy" you mean the ones with their own theme park? 😆

[@tovsteh]

"She had a blue wig" - By now I think people who have blue/green/red hair are batshit insane. Its almost like a calling card for emotionally disturbed people.

[@philmehrart]

Yup!

[@anderspersson7084]

For hundred of millions of years Aposematism been a thing, it's built into our DNA to detect it, it's unaturall to not react on it, those persons who signals it actually gives out signals for free that we shall avoid to have anything to do with them.

[@Pheyora]

Lol your all a bunch of stick in the muds. Dye you hair and have fun. Jesus🤣

[@cwb2992]

Izzi Ziggy What you say used to be correct but SJW’s and 3rd wave feminist have ruined that for the masses.

[@anderspersson7084]

@@Pheyora Once upon a time it was as you say, an individual who wanted to brighten up the day at a moment of having fun, but today you can listen to these people they themselfs say "everything is politic" for them it is a political statement nowadays not a thing for fun, they do what they themself call "cultural appropiation act" and takes anything to claims it's represent their point of political view, back a little back in history and you will find that as an example the rainbow and the rainbows colors had no political ideological ideas attached to it..etc, so what once was an act of a playful thing to do for fun have become a political symbol in the same way once national socialist in germany claimed a symbol that been along för thousands of years and meant things like a good luck symbol as amulet or talisman to bring luck to the person who carried it, it also in some cultures meant a streength bond between people, but it didn't take many years for the national socialists to forever destroying what that symbol meant for people, sadly things like the rainbow symbolism or coloring the hair in bright strong manmade colours have also lost its earlier use and meaning and have becomed a political symbol.

[@matthewfortuna4464]

Nia is right, Manhattan has been mainstream since the 2000’s

[@jewsco]

And bill is right too as he was there before the 2000s do try and keep up

[@americanmonster8342]

It took me 12 minutes to realize the thumbnail is them...

[@barrygreen4202]

"Dont ever say plushies again" You the man Bill

[@TheRealNintendoKid]

I dunno, "merch" pissed me off a little bit more.

[@RBkaj]

Nia is the best guest

[@ronnietarnacke5153]

I remember when this M&M store was a peep show.

[@imtroublesome]

mock charge like an elephant😂😂😂😂😂🤣

[@JasonAJames]

I love this story. The amount of control blows my mind. I would be doing a podcast on my own waiting for my wife to get bailed out of jail.... Something about being a repeat offender..... Props to you guys for de-escalation of the situation

[@BryceChillis]

im glad everyone is safe

[@kartikaybhardwaj3528]

"nia if you hit me again in an argument I'm gonna break up with you" awwww poor billy bald balls.

[@pst5345]

yeah, I hit back when this stuff happens. Much more mature...

[@AlexB-xp4jy]

I love these two. Their kids are lucky to have them

[@SiCKLiViNG562]

BILL & NIA: Totally envious of what you got together 👍good shit

[@youngthomasyorke4074]

"Don't ever say plushies again" rofl

[@Impossibly-Possible]

LoL said he caught her sleeping at the water hole LOLOLOL

[@stephenlyon1358]

thats racist

[@StrdFrgman]

I’m finally understanding the “blue haired” M&M 🤣 ❤️ Bill is one of the top 3 EVER! Dave C. , Bill, Ron White. No particular order. Plus , Pryor, Murphy,Seinfeld,Dangerfield,Rivers,Schneider, Red Foxx, Robert Klein, and many more. Thanks for all the laughs.

[@EskiLdn]

Nia is great. More nia and bill!

[@ryanmarks4277]

Lol you can tell they’re referencing that hysterical stache he grew for King of Staten Island. Wonder how long he had to keep it

[@magnatron7734]

Looked fake to me lol

[@brentdraper4382]

shawn mcclanahan it wasn’t fake. he talked about how he had to ask like three times to make sure it was okay to shave it

[@faceplants2]

The M&M's in the thumbnail are perfect. Ol' freckles is orange of course. Nia is the sexy chocolate lady Crackhead homeless lady has a candy coating that matches her blue wig.

[@GALLVS]

I didnt know that they did M&M's in GIIIIINGGAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@stickytones6891]

Hahaha didn't realize it till u pointed it out

[@chrisfischer9825]

Andrew S I was Thinking it was a lame thumbnail until you pointed all that out to me. You’re right it’s genius.

[@chrisreynolds2410]

Is he a genius or are you slow as fck? Hmmmmmmmm?

[@FLEASPIRIT13]

Why did they give Nia white appendages?

[@DandyZero]

I like how it came full circle at the end there lol

[@Hforoooo]

For Me! TV is a perfect touch in the bottom right corner

[@johnrperry5897]

I love them hahahah

[@bridgecross]

I avoid Times Square for a 4 block radius. So does every other NYer I know. Not because it's scary or dangerous; there's just nothing there for anyone who lives in the city. It's 30,000 tourists wandering around, garish advertising, and all the same shops you get at the mall in your home state. If you ever visit NYC, do anything but Times Square. And Nia is mostly correct. I moved here in '94 just like Bill, and Times Square was mostly cleaned up. He's thinking it was shady like the '70s or something.

[@Jsart87]

True that... however, I came across time square at 3:30 in the morning on a weekday visiting New York and it was unreal. No one was there and being one of the few people with all those lights and videos still on was pretty cool.

[@contactkeithstack]

Haha often when I go back I go. I visited NY with another former NYer and he was bitching the whole time about going there and how ridiculous it was that I wanted to go. I totally agree with the criticism, but I still find it a fascinating place. Kinda like watching popular music videos. On a level it's completely disposable, but it also feels like the most complete manifestation of a certain aspect of our culture.

[@leveraction767]

I enjoy you two together. Great pod casts always...BUT not day after day. Nia is a good addition at times. Love you two :)

[@youknowihaduwuittoem]

It's so funny when you get to the point in the clip where the thumbnail makes total sense.

[@danb596]

they cant get three seconds into the story without doing a flash back i feel like im watchin naruto

[@evilvolts]

secretly Bill wants to go in the store and get M & M novelty items ]:P

[@jeannetteyoung8585]

He wants a plushie

[@StrdFrgman]

I love the “ginger” , and brown M&M’s 😆

[@hamock1]

I loved the Howard Johnson's at Times Square. Nice, that Bill went there too.

[@metallicbeast]

Nia is really funny

[@MDMetal]

Bill: "Don't ever say 'plushies' again." Nia: "Ok." Me: *_"SHE IS A KEEPER!"_*

[@MrAce607]

LMFAO. Who else can make an assault sound so fucking hilarious

[@zarkoasen]

Nia and Bill love you guys!!

[@Tommy12Gunn]

Thanks for sharing this story .Mr and Mrs. Burr....Bill your a lucky guy!

[@GeorgesOpinion]

Yo she’s legit funnier than some of these professional female comedians out here

[@neliz2k]

She's the daughter of a great comedian, so it's probably in her genes.

[@GeorgesOpinion]

Dennis Achterberg who is her father?

[@JanssenOlthoff]

"Don't ever say 'plushies' again" 🤣🤣🤣

[@DavidKirwanirl]

"Pull ya in the deep waaaatah!" lmao

[@GREVIEWS02]

Just realised the photo shop of m&ms

[@hatfisc]

Nia sounds like a real winner. Not even one night stand material but you marry her. Bravo

[@TheChuckFina]

She is awful.

[@keithperdue4993]

Gawd, I wish I'd witnessed this event! It had to be hilarious! Nuthin' like a crazy in Times Square to brighten up yer day.

[@VWnerds]

Love these 2

[@midas1929]

Yeah, I remember the square in the 80s, when it was a different adventure area. Peep shows, porn shops and the chance to get mugged anytime very close by. But thanks to the crazy major, this good ol' times will come back.

[@nunayobiz]

So sorry that happened to Nia, the crazed+unhinged rule the roost in this damn city and it's gotten considerably worse since 2019.😩

[@brianwhitfield2513]

A completely honest story with no agenda...love it.

[@TheJustJoe]

Lol, just tell her you were busy working while she was watching them gentrify the area. She did nail yah with the "Taxi Cab" narration jab lol