Bill Burr - no reason to hit a woman - how women argue (FULL) from You People are all the Same

[@Geralt--of--Rivia]

Real women don't hit men.

[@crazy__cripple8704]

i just finished witcher 3. playing through ng+ worth my/your time?

[@Geralt--of--Rivia]

@@crazy__cripple8704 Was that your first playthrough?

[@crazy__cripple8704]

@@Geralt--of--Rivia yup... including the 2 expansions

[@Geralt--of--Rivia]

@@crazy__cripple8704 Go for it, then. Witcher 3 has good replay value.

[@----.__]

@@Geralt--of--Rivia You're a good bloke.

[@jerami101]

My wife was talking negative about my mother, each statement got worse and worse. When I defended my mother, and told her to stop talking smack about my mom, she asked me what good my mother ever taught me? I told her "She taught me to never hit a woman"! That shut her up!

[@thebitgamer2425]

😂

[@felixr.4177]

ooooooö my fucking God legend

[@YiningDai]

@@StandYourGroundHomestead I'm very concerned for the amount of Freud I feel from your comment. Are you sure you only love your mom as a parent?

[@JulianTimMusic]

J Ron holy shit dude! You got serious issues

[@AGreatDayForHockey29]

sounds like a threat, i dont approve jerami

[@Juggalo972]

"There's a reason to hit everyone, JUST DONT DO IT. There's a reason to push an old man down a flight of stairs, JUST DON'T IT. Ain't nobody above an asswhopping." - Chris Rock

[@lt.generalofsalt4273]

Juggalo972 is do all of them🤔 down south we don’t play that shit. Man woman child .... raise em right or they’re getting slapped

[@josephvonbulow1164]

Nice 😊

[@bright.light.sights933]

@Mildly Amusing Channel Asshole behavior needs to be punished. If it doesn't that shit is just going to get worse. People only change through pain.

[@bright.light.sights933]

@Mildly Amusing Channel you can punish without violence, but sometimes a dude needs eat a elbow to know talking shit isn't acceptable

[@jamesphillips3135]

Mildly Amusing Channel there’s a difference between discipline from abuse. Learn it.

[@shimanoafro5110]

I love the woman who screamed 'Everyday!!!' She made bill's joke so poignant

[@hunter423]

Maybe she did it because she knew there were cameras but luckily it added to his bit perfectly.

[@Ten_Thousand_Locusts]

Let's all have a moment of silence for the poor sap that has to go home with that one

[@lainarte]

@@Ten_Thousand_Locusts Why? Can't she joke about it like we did?

[@Ten_Thousand_Locusts]

@@lainarte was she joking though?

[@LukeVincent-xt4dz]

​@@Ten_Thousand_LocustsThat's true we should find out

[@lekhapratap1652]

I am a girl, I totally agree. Bill, The truthful savage.

[@lekhapratap1652]

Came 4 the Cookies XD lol

[@tdl487]

@@cameforthecookies6419 obliviously you don't get the humor but of well lol

[@rhapsodyinglue8758]

Are you single?

[@rhapsodyinglue8758]

That was clearly just a compliment for those who understand KZbin. "The over thinking is very strong with this one" lol

[@cameforthecookies6419]

*Noice* 😂 👌

[@brianpraul9758]

Rule #1: Don’t try to heckle a comedian. It’s like trying to punch an MMA fighter

[@rachekane]

Rule #2: Don't try to punch an MMA fighter. It's like pulling a gun on a President

[@dsakurai]

@@rachekane Rule #3: Don't try to pull a gun on a President. It's like trying to slap the Undertaker

[@fabio5286]

@@dsakurai Rule #4: Don't try to slap the Undertaker. It's like trying to hug a snake

[@lyrina3113]

@@fabio5286 Rule #5: Don't try to hug a snake. It's like trying to avoid an ambush from Jake Roberts.

[@yaelmurillo1863]

@@lyrina3113 Rule #6: Don’t try avoiding an ambush from Jake Roberts. It’s like racing against Usain Bolt.

[@BrettonFerguson]

I've told my wife "Maybe we should talk about it later when you have calmed down". I don't think I've ever seen her more visibly pissed off any other time for any other reason than after I said that.

[@tmccann1876]

Tried this about a week ago. We live together, she's losing her shit, I said "When you want to have an adult conversation we'll talk." 3 days of no zero talking later I finally had to give the olive branch. There's no win

[@iilhares]

That's because you surrendered. You started on the moral high ground and then relented, giving in to an emotionally manipulative tyrant.

[@josevillalobos547]

LMFAO I love it

[@Scarletraven87]

@@tmccann1876 why had you to give up? Fucking idiot

[@jeremyshipp4414]

Bretton Ferguson damn dude I feel this in my soul

[@virginiapicker]

Still one of the greatest and most fearless comedy monologues of all time.

[@Piitaa_Pain]

you wanna go to baskin robbins?

[@MrMb167]

@@Piitaa_Painyou buying?

[@traceesmith01]

​@@Piitaa_PainTUNA CASSEROLE? 😡👊👊💥

[@SurgeryIsWoke]

"How come you can't ask questions? If I got bit by a rattlesnake wouldn't you guys have some questions? How did it happen? Did ya not see it? Were ya fuckin with it?? Firemen put out a fire they don't just drive away afterwards they sift through the debris. How did it start? Here's an oily rag!" Hmm. Now what situation? In the present-day? Hmm. What's happening rn? Hm...

[@--pussypatroll--]

Agree 100%. This was remarkable.

[@jarrodheglar1666]

I was in a situation where I had no choice. It was my wife at the time. We got into an argument and she became very violent towards me in front of our kids. I didn't want my kids to see it so I tried to take them outside. My son was two years old at the time and she tried to snatch him away from me using a lot of force. She could have hurt him really bad. My gut reaction was to go into protective mode. I backhanded her and she slid half way across the house. She called the police and we both went to jail because we both had signs of an altercation on us. She took out a domestic violence order on me so to protect myself I took one out on her. When we finally went to court the judge looked at my ex and told her that I had the right and responsibility to protect my children from anyone including her. Dismissed my charge and asked me if I still wanted to press charges on her but I dropped them. If the situation were the same I would do it again but only to protect my children.

[@BM-fz9yc]

Jarrod Heglar I’m glad the judge sided with you there. I

[@goonk6149]

You are a god good sir

[@catsangblue]

That judge...is the good judge.

[@Sam___Stubborn_____ig]

i wouldnt drop the charges if i were there tbh

[@magical_pixie_horse7346]

That is rare. The father wins and deserved to. Awesome.

[@myrr99]

it's weird seeing van gogh with two ears

[@alexthurow9032]

Bro lol wut.

[@hugoguest6746]

Hahahaha great

[@antoka1201]

Bro wtf

[@nm8409]

ok

[@antoka1201]

n m νελληη

[@aliquidgaming1068]

My mother is a Hispanic. She was beat and abused by my father. She left him eventually. However she tells me this... Don't ever hit a women. You're a man and you're much stronger. However if a girl thinks she can just hit you over and over again cause she is a girl and can get away with it or wants to fight you like a man then you fight her like a man. Don't let any female place their hands on you like that.

[@aasdfaafa7110]

Why would she tell u the latter part? seems to have nothing to do with what she was going through

[@David-zx9nh]

@@aasdfaafa7110 Or maybe, she was telling him he has the right to defend himself, and he's not a punching bag for women. if a woman hits me, I'm hitting her back. Equality and all that. More people need to tell there worthless daughters it's not ok to put their hands on others.

[@aliquidgaming1068]

@@aasdfaafa7110 she told me that cause she is sensible and knows a man and women should defend themselves. She doesn't think a man should ever place their hands on a female but if a female hits a man then that man has a right to defend themselves

[@imlookinatyou5251]

you have a good mother

[@a46475]

Your mom is an idiot.

[@seanmulloy854]

"You rub one out. It's the champagne of victory." Just an amazing piece of comedy. Punctuated with so many good lines.

[@edithbannerman4]

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

[@Seriously...576]

He is JUST AMAZING!!!!!

[@danielul05]

Disgusting coomer

[@ggates5371]

Ah yes, the classic “I’m gonna piss him off, then play victim when he gets mad” routine.

[@juricpro]

My mother does that to me and I am a woman.

[@mitchtrubisky999]

EXACTLY

[@mitchtrubisky999]

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@TheTraditionalGolfer]

Everytime

[@positivelygrowing12321]

This doesn't get enough credit.

[@IckyMcLicky]

He's not wrong, lol. I love my gf very much but sometimes when she is losing an argument, she will bring up things that dont even pertain to our conversation....just to get an edge and sometimes it's really hurtful shit.

[@jim2245]

Why I carry a Zippo 😉

[@anypercentdeathless]

Tots m'gots.

[@AngelicBreath1111]

You might need counseling or break up, depending on how terrible the things she says are.

[@afterburned06]

Respect goes both ways, just let her know you dont need that shit and it needs to stop. Better to be single and rub one out than be with a woman who doesn't respect you.

[@Rick_Sanchez_C137_]

Icky Mclicky Dump the bitch!

[@doggieGZ]

Oh man, the shit he said about women losing arguments is so true.

[@usarmyfl1]

Oh yea.. They will start bringing up past issues which have no relation to the current argument because they have nothing else on you. As he said, you've won then.

[@Charmer4856]

I LOVE IT!!!!

[@prw56]

After I noticed that my mother does this with me, my sister, and my father, I lost a massive amount of respect for her. It makes her look childish, and it prolongs the issue that started the debate in the first place.

[@VuongNgocHieu99]

my mother did this ..and its exactly why my whole family hates her .

[@garintj1547]

Hiếu Vương Ngọc healthy relationship

[@Simonio8]

"Ladies can you at least admit that every ass kicking doesn't just fall out of the sky". I lost it man.

[@abdielrosero9685]

😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂

[@pringles_mcgee]

oh god I laughed so fuckin hard

[@jaywilson4520]

"Rub one out... it's the champagne of victory." Greatest line ever!

[@zippysonmcgr8430]

Honestly lmao

[@danielmerrell5534]

Damn! It's so freaking true!

[@danielmerrell5534]

Remember that one time when you did that bullshit!

[@teariet.tekken-wolffenn5881]

I can see it.

[@kurtisdiston4851]

agreed

[@workingwomannyc4216]

I’m a woman and I agree. I’ve seen (and heard) a lot of my male friends/colleagues get bullied by their partners. They took it because she’s a woman and these women had no empathy or respect especially when in public. Making fun of your man, demeaning him, yelling at him, slamming the door in their face wether in a room or car, whatever it is, it’s all disrespectful. There is a way to disagree. Don’t take advantage of this bias and abuse your position. Upsets me greatly because I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where both my mom and dad respected each other and argued like grown ups. Shameful what I’ve seen time and time again.

[@ACertainGuy0]

I've never been more irritated than when people pretend to know what Equality is. when most people claim "equality" when it suits their agenda, whatever it may be. Equality is equality, a man is equal to a woman and vice versa, and no other way.

[@ReptilianAnusWizzard]

@@ACertainGuy0 equallity is when you punch her just as hard as any other guy

[@rzwitdauncut]

im never letting sum chick ever disrespect me in public. if she wants to do in public everything can be handled right then and there

[@darrenfleming7901]

I think the issue is people see that most physical abuse in relationship is done by men and so they think abuse is one sided towards men. When you take into account verbal abuse and emotional manipulation it isn't that one sided anymore. Also, it's an outdated mindset to only chalk it up to the difference in physical strength, because if that were the case then people could just walk away from abusive relationships, but they can't because their a psychological aspect to it that boxes them in.

[@tahmidjahin179]

Would you like to go out on a coffee date someday?

[@JeffarryLounder]

My uncle got beat up, violently, by his now ex-girlfriend. The police arrived, came inside, and arrested him. Even though she was clearly the one at the scene who beat him up, the cops still took my uncle away to a temporary cell. Luckily, he was only fined but still, that's just fucked up.

[@aileenzhao7951]

yikes

[@NobleNobbler]

That's the shit going down now. The power women weild is outrageous. Your uncle, if arrested, is now part of a permanent database even if his records are "expunged" or "sealed".

[@user-wl6bw3jl4n]

+Jeffarry Fined? Fined for what?

[@JeffarryLounder]

Chris V He was fined with “harassment” or some shit like that. They knew they couldn’t just fine him for straight up assault, because he didn’t do it. So they aimed lower and accused him of harassing her.

[@Add183]

Your uncle should’ve gone to see a doctor recorded the injuries and sue the county for a miss handling of justice

[@RhapsodyinGlue]

That woman who yelled “everyday” had one of those moments like in any sport where you have that magical shot without realizing it. The stars aligned

[@AiMinator]

OR she was a stooge conveniently placed.. people can't see wood for the tree's

[@RhapsodyinGlue]

Did you know that newton had a friend that kicked the tree for him?

[@mickeynotmouse]

​@@AiMinator Might even have been Nia

[@loganbibb2271]

That shit about how his wife slapped him upside the head then said "were gonna discuss this later when you calm down" made me so mad and it didn't even happen to me lol

[@rjones6801]

A year or so ago my wife thought I was mad at her for some reason. I wasn't, but she had it in her head that I was. So of course her reaction was to be a complete asshole to me for her own imagined reasons. In the matter of maybe 2 minutes she asks why I'm mad, I say I'm not, there's slight back and forth, and then she slams the bathroom door in my face. I completely lost it like I've never done before. I actually ended up punching a hole through the door and basically breaking it in two. I've had some anger issues in the past, but never like this (and never towards a person - usually dumb shit like technology). Women are absolute masters of pushing our buttons - and all because she THOUGHT I was angry at her for something. It's like they're so complicated within their own heads that they can't actually control it, and therefore they're all crazy.

[@foxvulpes8245]

Logan Bibb I got put through a cinder block wall once...needless to say I still won the fight. Once though, my ex-wife was neglecting me for like 2 weeks and tried to use boobs to manipulate me off what I was doing. When I told her I didn't have time for that, she got pissed and I didn't care. Tldr; She punched me in the back of the head so hard I saw stars.... I threw my chair across the house and calmly said "if I did that to you, one of us would be going to jail right now... I suggest you go somewhere else right now."

[@Radonatos]

The thing is, if both were men (i.e. a friend or bro, repeatedly annoying you for attention) then you'd give him some 'attention' where it hurts, and afterwards both are still cool because they know it was deserved, the the whole issue is resolved. Women just lack those "you brought it upon yourself"-neurons and will probably pass any lie-detector tests when they claim "I didn't do ANYTHING!"

[@margarethafalco63]

Wow ... ya'll had bad experience

[@theasian24601]

Jay the Climber there is a comedian that kind of talks about that. His case for why Christians hate Gays, and his answer is because they found a loop hole. They don’t have to ever deal with women, and they get all the sex they want. Haha!

[@HiddenTigerObviNinja]

I can't put it into words how happy I am that somebody finally said it. I've had ex's literally throw my own mother's death back into my face during an argument. If I ever even came close to saying something like that to a female people would burn my house down. If we truly want to be equals we need to address both sides of the curtain.

[@ihsahnakerfeldt9280]

God that's so fucked up. Imagine throwing the death of a close one into someone's face just because you're angry with them. The problem with the feminist cult is that it wants to have it both ways: equality for the good stuff (rights and privileges) but inequality for the bad stuff and the responsibility (e.g. being fair game for a beat up). They always oscillate between these two positions according to the situation so that they always end up with the advantage.

[@ALJ9000]

You gotta get those bitche$ out, they are way too toxic to be involved with

[@TheTraditionalGolfer]

I have this everytime i argue with my partner she can be very toxic......

[@crystaleunoia3974]

@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 It's not right for a woman to beat a man just like it's not right for a man to beat a woman. I see the double standard when it comes to women being violent towards men and it's disgusting, but just because women want equality shouldn't mean they are "fair game to for a beat up" because nobody should be beating anyone at all. Period. Nobody should be considered "fair game" because there shouldn't be a game in the first place. If you think that it's justifiable that people should be beaten for reasons other than protection, then you're siding with the women who get away with being violent towards men. I agree with your other statements, but I just wanted to put in my two cents on that one.

[@marcant6223]

Bill has done a thing about equality like that too. Worth watching.

[@zoeylolers1080]

As a woman I can fully agree that there are many reasons to hit a woman

[@lsurech8559]

Zoey Lolers as Female myself I agree. Especially those who are emotionally imbalanced, loud, lack of manners and couldn’t respond with reasons but emotions.

[@lsurech8559]

Thelondonbadger have some faith and you will encounter a few good ones in life

[@neptune3569]

No 1. Reason: playing fortnite battle royale

[@flatperson1306]

@Daij I found one

[@McDiculous50]

@a wild baka good one. She just gave another reason why to want to hit a woman

[@westcoastkidd17]

Could be the best live bit in comedy history when you take into consideration the material, the wording, the crowd interaction, and the overall execution. Bill executed his material like a seasoned vet and the woman who yelled, "EVERYDAY!!!" was a gift from the comedy gods because it fit so perfectly with his act. This is stand-up comedy at its finest.

[@ChildrensRightsFirst947]

I just want to know if the same people applauding this clip would have the same reaction if this was a female comedian saying similar things about hitting men. "But what did he do that led to it?" and all that. Also even if they were meant to be jokes, it's easy to how they could have influence in a world where abuse of men by women isn't taken seriously enough.

[@MinosML]

​​@@ChildrensRightsFirst947yes, and I'd go on a limb that it would take much less finesse and comedic skill in order to pull that off like Bill here Hitting men is always funny, by default, no context needed Not saying I agree, just saying that's the way it is, men are the disposable sex, once they reach adulthood.

[@danielul05]

Nicely said

[@myweirdsecondchannelwithap9070]

⁠@@ChildrensRightsFirst947no, we would not. As it: - would not take the same courage/bravery - would not hold up the same - would not be funny (for multiple reasons)

[@ReadChuckar]

@@ChildrensRightsFirst947 that's exactly what he's saying. The woman is doing a whole lot of things to antagonize the man: AND he's not hitting her.

[@MacBorin]

One important point that is rarely talked about is: Men are quite often victims of domestic violence, too. And women are quite often the abuser. In the 2 1/2 years I worked as a paramedic i saw 6 victims of domestic violence. 2 were women who were abused by men, one of them later died of her horrible injuries. 2 were a lesbian couple who had kicked the shit out of each other. 2 were men who were abused by women. One of these men had been draged straight out of a drug rehab facility by his girlfriend, forcefully filled up with vodka until he couldn't defend himself anymore and then repeatedly whiped with a powercord, burned and hit with a pressing iron and stabed in the leg with a screwdriver. Guess who got made fun of for beeing pathetic weeklings. Guess who has next to no safehouses and help programs to escape from the violence. This is just my personal observation and has no empirical value whatsoever! But I think any program about domestic violence, that concludes "Men shouldn't hit women" isn't addressing the whole problem.

[@phuck8627]

are you sure that you didn't also see two who were gay men who beat each other?

[@skepticmonkey6923]

@@phuck8627 Gay dudes beat each other every night

[@jelindy5]

@@skepticmonkey6923 hahaha classic

[@keepitreal1999]

So sad. No Matter what gender. Keep YO Hands to yourselves ladies! No matter how badly you feel betrayed! Keep It pushin or fall victim to what they say about US! 😎 We need to learn how to DEAL! Without D extra DRAMA!!! Life to short People!😉 Be true to YOU! #Dont Hit Unless U Want 2 B Hit BACK!!!

[@damebucolique]

Exactly, because gender don't make assholes. You have assholes everywhere in every faces, and it's ridiculous to separate this kind of thing like that.

[@dollaz808]

Poor Johnny Depp. If only more people watched Bill Burr...

[@soulreaper5510]

@@monicapyle id do more than that

[@ComicWriter-ml3qt]

James Bond James you’d fuck anything that isn’t nailed down

[@soulreaper5510]

@@ComicWriter-ml3qt 😂😂😂

[@Moonshine449]

@Jolyne Cujoh that's what he's saying

[@noPilled3045]

@@Moonshine449 follow the story he never truly hit her.

[@nickcifarelli8887]

Bill Burr Sur, on behalf of all Men the world over, we salute you

[@josephfernandez5706]

Salute

[@rickyalfaro4417]

Thank you for your service, Bill

[@anypercentdeathless]

Salut.

[@somerandomarmydude]

*Sir.

[@xcool7169]

Salute

[@alanw505]

After 22 years of marriage I discovered that winning an argument just makes your wife madder.

[@bowmaj8666]

It doesn't even have to be an argument. It can just be a minor disagreement, and she'll be mad at you if you're right and she's wrong. It doesn't even need to be important. "No, Burt Reynolds did not play Richard, Monica's boyfriend in Friends! That was Tom Selleck!" She Googled it, and wouldn't talk to me for hours!

[@lespectator4962]

That's a maturity issue on her side more than anything.

[@krimpoo]

@@lespectator4962 ...agreed. but why is it so damn common?

[@krimpoo]

Im 30 years in and EVERYTHING makes her madder and defensive and on and on and on. Example? When we do things together she says 'we dont do enough things together'. Any women out there reading this right now? Please explain to me how complaining about what you're doing is a reason to complain about what you're doing when you want more of what you're doing? Please explain to me how saying this shit makes me want to do things with her? I know men and women are different...but im getting too old to put up with the bullshit anymore. Women...you want to stay with a guy? Stop fucking complaining all the time and show gratitude for what you have in the relationship. if you arent getting what you want from the relationship...LEAVE.

[@lespectator4962]

@@krimpoo Some people are just not raised, they grow up missing a lot of things and they get too stubborn/afraid/stupid as they get older to take a hint about making their own effort to seek out the life lessons they might be missing.

[@alecmccarthy5562]

“Have a rough day at the factory, come home ‘tuna casserole?!’ And just start swinging” 😂

[@izzyalice937]

Alec McCarthy i read this right as he said it wtfff

[@ayy_lmao]

The way he says tuna casserole always kills me lmao

[@Maksymetzmj]

Hahaha I love Tuna Casserole

[@loristnorton3723]

@@Maksymetzmj do you swing after earing or before?

[@tommydewitt8583]

F’n hilarious!

[@NostalgiaMan]

The most important moment of male progress in the last 20 years.

[@hiwayhighway9925]

Serious as a heart attack. How to argue saved my sanity and marriage

[@quentinparhiala9415]

Your right about that

[@fabioveloso3469]

I H A T E Y O U

[@boston_nsca]

@TipsyBrothers only real beta males call other people on the internet who they don't know beta males.

[@MA-yu2ss]

@@boston_nsca ironic of you to say

[@qymaruh]

Cause of Bill Burr, I've started winning arguments. He's right gents, Bob and Weave

[@stonedjesus9887]

@Charles Martel even tho you are right 99.999999999999999%, there is the VERY rare time that a man will win and that's why he's named Chuck Norris...

[@saucegodnas7318]

@Charles Martel Bob and Weave.

[@jasondyrkacz8270]

The moment she goes rogue, you win. Do the Colin Kaepernick and take a knee.

[@fiftystate1388]

@Charles Martel A "draw" is a win sometimes. At least she stopped talking about it.

[@fiftystate1388]

@@stonedjesus9887 Hey Adolph, you might like to hear how I stopped my ex-wife from calling me "The biggest asshole who was ever born." It's short and it worked.

[@northernking4787]

“Talking about hitting women sweet heart” gets me every time!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@ericparrish1515]

Raises a red flag yeah

[@scottpitner4298]

Haha!

[@StonyRC]

"Rub one out like a man, it's the champagne of victory" - GENIUS!

[@girlspooptoo8567]

StonyRC Yes

[@deanjenkins165]

StonyRC

[@lonesome_crowded_life]

I gotta say... that’s brilliant

[@BillionsOfBluntsLitEverySecond]

StonyRC Genius indeed

[@baishihua]

StonyRC Dude that is beautiful, like artistic even.

[@madMARTYNmarsh1981]

An ex of mine once stabbed me with a shard from an ash tray, the same heavy, glass ashtray she'd tried to crush my skull with. I hit her once (more slap than punch to be fair) and knocked her out, it was snap hits not pre-meditated... I called the police and an ambulance. I went to jail, not her. When CCTV proved that she instigated and followed me all the way from town to home (That's a 3.5 mile walk) I was released but she wasn't prosecuted, nope. I'm still seen as the bad one for hitting her but you know what? I'd do it again but this time I'd do it earlier because then I wouldn't have to put up with the side effects of the injuries she inflicted!

[@Draigon18]

who said ur seen as the bad one? the majority of society with these details of the story would not see u as the bad one. try moving. ive done it 20 or so times. get perspectives from all sorts of people. i enjoyed it atleast.

[@jasonbenoit1888]

Martyn, if you can't dance with a bull, don't get in the ring. In other words, this is something you can learn from. And that is that you don't know how to deescalate, which is under your control as the stronger sex, if you choose.

[@vonStalhein2]

@@jasonbenoit1888 are you a little fucked in the head, mate?

[@jasonbenoit1888]

Just dealt with bullys all my life and know how to shut it down. I also know we often are speaking into a mirror most of the time we speak, @vonStalhein2. If you truly are interested, here is the late great George Thompson. Refute him if you can, but I already know that you can't honestly do that. kzbin.info/www/bejne/mKWlqGpmfaasqZY

[@jasonbenoit1888]

Sure they do, if you know how to use them right, either to flee (run), or tackle, etc. (I mean, what else would you use, thoughts?) The best muscle to use though is the most powerful one, the tongue. See the link I posted above for an introduction on how to deal with anyone.

[@quentinwooten30]

When woman says she doesn't want to talk about it, she really does. When a MAN says he doesn't want to talk damnit he doesn't want to talk.

[@ChimericWhite]

When a woman says “I don’t want to talk about it” I’ll ask if they’re sure. They still say “no”, well I’m out of there I’m not playing games. They’re only hurting themselves when they inevitably say some bullshit later about how nobody keeps in touch and makes sure they’re alright or anything.

[@CIorox_BIeach]

I actually don't want to talk about it. Mom didn't teach me how to talk about stuff.

[@itsamemario6539]

@@CIorox_BIeach dude I dont know if you see this or not but my mom is always like messing me up amd when I am going to do something that hurts her because I cant stand her like leave the house (I know that she doesn't want me to leave and one time I keep asking her if she wanted me to stay she was saying like YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT I DONT CARE but I was persistent and she finaly said I dont want you to leave ) another time I just left the house and she told my brother to tell me to come back wtf is wrong with women I love them but they are hurting my feelings so much ) thanks for everyone listening to this I just wanted to tell it !

[@prettybabyface7313]

Its a me Mario I’m a woman and i totally feel what you are saying!! We’re sorry ok lol

[@lockandloadlikehell]

@@prettybabyface7313 it's not right, and it hurts :(

[@midnightlupin1]

100%. I had a buddy of mine actually got married last year. Didn't even last a fucking year because this.... Cretin he married, was as unstable as an out of balance scale. This woman destroyed him and he just took it all. When I was living with them, multiple times I thought to myself, "I wonder how she'd feel if I did the exact same to her?" About 3 months of that crap and I decided to move out. She kept needling me on why I was leaving, I told her she couldn't handle the truth, and low and behold, I was right. I didn't get a quarter of the way through my explanation and she loses her damn mind! It was ridiculous. Thankfully, my friend filed for divorce and is suing her for physical, mental and emotional damage. It's literally an open and shut case cuz I'm one of 5 witnesses

[@jonathanjrgensen6774]

Glad you both got out - How did the court case go if you don't mind me asking?

[@midnightlupin1]

@@jonathanjrgensen6774 Sadly he went back to her and dropped the divorce. He's no longer my friend but I did manage to get a settlement and she lost her job in the process of it all going down

[@theultimatemoderate8165]

@@midnightlupin1 You should try to tap that thing, bet it grabs back. Frankly it was the only thing that held us together. And I was right, so far every relationship after was not as good in the sack. Go for it, I'll bet she's up for a way to get back at her ex even if you're on her enemies list.

[@midnightlupin1]

@@theultimatemoderate8165 I would much rather put my genitals through a wood chipper than touch the lecherous troglodyte.

[@midnightlupin1]

@@theultimatemoderate8165 I would much rather slather my genitals in honey and insert them into a box with poisonous hornets than put them anywhere near that. She's hideous on both the outside and inside. Plus I'd rather not get gonoherpasyphillus 27.

[@juliesymonds2440]

I'm a woman and I completely agree with everything he's saying. A lot of times, women give men so much shit for reasons that aren't even relevant to the actual argument so that it feels like they are "winning the fight". It's not fair that men have to put up with this kind of thing more times than one might think. If a man and a woman end up having an argument about things as simple as who's washing the dishes (like Bill mentioned), even if the man is completely in the right for being upset, somehow, the woman mostly, if not always, ends up being the victim anyway. I agree a woman can give you plenty of reasons for hitting them. As can a man. But that doesn't mean that you should EVER (and this goes for men and women alike) feel like it's necessary to do so. But in case you feel tempted to hitting your partner and actually end up do hitting your partner, don't be surprised if he or she hits back. You asked for it. That's just karma for you.

[@tripgrundelson9015]

I don't know you and I know it's weird to say but I think I love you.

[@sharonmax6968]

Very well said

[@TC-kq3co]

you being a women is irrelevant to the merit of his argument haha

[@tjcogger1974]

You a real one.

[@hectorarredondo6929]

Julie Symonds Lets say a couple are in a heated argument screaming contest screaming in each other faces after everyone calms down men apologizes

[@SC-pg7jr]

Guy: hits girl People: omg he hit a girl Girl: hits guy for no reason People: ok...

[@SC-pg7jr]

@slight o hand wow so you're telling me girls can't use their nails and some girls can hurt boys

[@SC-pg7jr]

@slight o hand not all woman are the same you're comparing some to 1, girls can hurt boys

[@T0YCHEST]

future jojo yeah Ronda rousey but u getting in a relationship with a girl as strong as her is so rare that they are all weak

[@SC-pg7jr]

@slight o hand a lot of girls are strong you can't say their weak if you haven't got hit by every female on earth. Also you make it seem like some girls don't know how to punch or hit hard

[@SC-pg7jr]

@slight o hand well i saw it happen a lot of times where girls would give guys bruises and scratches where you bleed

[@peteeastwood1635]

Q:"Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?" A: "Being right makes me happy, darlin"

[@fiftystate1388]

"Right or wrong, I'm right."

[@afmghost1759]

Her: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Me: Are you threatening me, master jedi?

[@jacksondowdle5217]

I've listened to this bit dozens of times but it still never gets old

[@lillydachicOfficial]

I want to say, as a woman, I say yes that a woman can be hit ONLY if she attacks you first, same goes for a man. IF someone dares attack you first, you have every right to hit them back regardless of gender.

[@murilocruz7752]

That could be true, but if a man hits back, he has to make sure he hits back with equal or less force. Problem is men are much stronger so it could get ugly real quick. Even a if he just pushed her she could get shaken real bad.

[@michaelrivera2212]

Agreed but Bills point still stands

[@jackonotobacco5288]

Murilo Cruz if she doesn’t want to get wrecked, don’t punch first. Simple as that, if it’s that bad, just break up or divorce. Just my opinion.

[@murilocruz7752]

Yeah I agree. Inflicting physical violence is just asking for it. 99% of the time though men will be penalized.

[@XxSteamStreamxX]

you cant really limit that, If a skinny guy picks a fight with some bodybuilder, he knows what he's getting into and knows the odds aren't in his favor, so do most woman when engaging a man.

[@uncle_cezar]

"Are you the idiot that walked in halfway through the special?" 😂 Imagine paying to watch a special and getting called out for your BS in front of the crowd.

[@denimchicken104]

Pretty sure tapings are free

[@wokeil]

@@denimchicken104 Nah everyone would come and ruin the show

[@redrich7679]

The dude roasted a random person lol I would of left

[@vanimaladventures]

@@denimchicken104 Narrator: "They aren't."

[@padraigdonelan]

@@redrich7679 its a comedy set. gotta have atleast a little thick skin to not get offended every 12 seconds

[@DCul]

The headphones story is absolutely relatable. That shit is insane. Poke the bear like 10 times and then when the bear snaps they go, "Why are you so mad?" That or a similar stupid response.

[@sohailsayeed9361]

agreed! it shows a painful degree of immaturity. That's just as petty and immature as walking around blasting the music, maybe even more!

[@hoosier3060]

Gaslighting.

[@ghost245353]

He pissed her off because he was being petty. She demanded to talk and he blew up.

[@lalanagunarathne7298]

@@ghost245353 she was petty first about the dog walking.

[@pumpkinlyd4409]

Unless someone hits you, you don't hit them, unless you are totally simple and incapable of a grown up response.

[@The_ZeroLine]

“Worked like a charm. Worked like a charm!” “Even hockey has two minutes for instigating.” An underrated hilarious line.

[@Hoteluu]

If I'm ever in the court for hitting a woman, I want bill burr as my lawyer.

[@Latitz]

And imagine if judge was woman there. 😂

[@MidoReigh]

He won't represent you if you hit a woman. That's the whole point.

[@armadylsmage6658]

@@MidoReigh his whole point is you shouldn’t just dismiss everything and focus on result. You have to actually look at what happened and lead to that point. He even says it “you cut out the build up and you’re left with the result. It’s crazy”

[@OiVinn-eq1ml]

Lol

[@pr1me840]

He will need a real law license not one from community college.

[@aaroncostello8812]

Had a similar theoretical argument with a quasi-feminist chick a long, long time ago. Her: "There is never a reason to hit a woman. Never." Me: "Oh, really? Is there ever a reason for a man to hit another man?" Her: "Well, I suppose so. But violence is not the answer." Me: "And are men and women EQUALS?" Her: (long pause) "Yes, they are." Me: "So if a woman is equal to a man, and you concede it is sometimes necessary for a man to hit another man, how can you say there is NEVER a reason for a man to hit a woman?" Her: (silence)

[@tabletodestroyer8174]

Hahha logic rules.

[@Gabi-vt4ex]

You fucking destroyed her XD

[@rajeevbhakar5536]

dude you tried logic against feminist. that was madness

[@medrahimo3368]

Hhh boi !!!!!!

[@srodriguez8084]

God i love logic

[@SussedRage]

I had an insanely stupid relationship where the girl was taking anger management counselling before she met me.. She'd lose it at the tiniest thing and hit/scratch me often multiple times, obviously every reason being my fault. I lost count of how many times I tried to explain there was no need to attack me, no need to get like that. I was even having to lie and invent reasons for face scratches to cover what she was doing (but people knew obviously). More to the point, SHE fully knew what she was like and was aware she had a major problem, with previous men as well (hence the counselling) - yet obviously when she was flipping out all that logic went out the window... We split and stupidly I agreed to meet in a bar - a whiles in to the catch up we're talking about if we'd seen any other people and I said no can't be bothered.. I can see her building up..building up.. She grabs my phone off the table, runs out (bar staff, even doorman looking at her like she's a banshee) I'm chasing her across a car park saying please give it back and she gets in her car saying F you you'll get your phone back in pieces in a bag I'll post it to you asshole. The entire time I'm thinking how can someone be this much of a dick, how can she do this type of shit constantly... I'm begging her I need my phone for work, explaining she's stealing my property just please give it back and you'll never hear from me again, and she's like 'fuck you you're not having it' starts the car and puts it in gear - I snap finally, lose it open the door and drag her out, saying I just want my fucking phone... All this is being caught on cctv. A few passers by call police as well. They literally come racing over, cuff me... I'm stood there calm she's in utter hysterics balling. The one thing I said was "are you happy now?" and said to the cop she's stolen my phone. Luckily for me she did still have it. In the police car the officers actually got all shitty and judgemental saying so you went for a drink, you are also potentially drink driving - I said "NO, I got the train over, SHE is drunk and its her car and SHE was going to drink drive with my $500 phone in her bag" .. (she always drunk drove much to the dismay of a lot of people..instant dismissal at work if caught but she did it anyways) You could see them look at each other, penny dropping. I got a caution for dragging her out the car by her wrists. When I was sat in the cell waiting I could hear her wailing and balling from wherever she was in the station - the officers were even telling me after that they saw that type of crazy woman every week, same as they saw the male angry violent scumbag equivalent... Also damn luckily for me I had some photos I'd taken of my face and torso when she'd ripped me to shreds on a camping holiday (all my fault) and I had no mirror (camping!) so took photos to see what she'd done until I got to a supermarket toilet. I left the station with a load of crappy leaflets thrown at me about domestic violence and a police caution. One officer was saying "mate ffs erase her from your life"... With her I think they said a few things but tbh they were just glad to have her out the building. I didn't press charges, I just wanted to get home and feed my cat. Some women are so caught up in their violence and anger. Some men are too, obviously. I thought I could 'help' her and yes, the sex was fantastic.. Idiot. But man am I glad I got out of all that and into a much healthier relationship eventually! Thanks for staying honest Bill!

[@bobbylongwitz6053]

The crazier they are, the better they are between the sheets. Went through it numerous times too.

[@ewbeans]

This was a long read but well worth it. When you got someone like that. Nowhere to go but up.

[@angelaqassis5815]

Wow! That is awful and you did not deserve that!! ... As a feminist activist i say: "She should end up in jail, i don't care if she's mentally ill. She hurt a guy who doesn't deserve it. She has issues and she is dangerous to citizens." I am happy you are in a healthier relationship :D You deserve one!

[@christian6353]

After the first paragraph I realized you’re also crazy to continue with her.

[@AAron-gr3jk]

No, wait, and get even.

[@gokuxavi270]

Love how this bit has a woman positively heckle and another woman negatively heckle and they both just work great

[@davejohnson9989]

The funniest line in this whole joke is “it’s gonna fuckin rust”. Gets me every time.

[@classygary]

His dog shaking off the morning cold 🥶😎

[@natwally7869]

Mine is ‘were you fucking with it?’ 😂

[@bp67499]

I love the whole set. Watched for years now and I still laugh just as hard

[@adear2756]

@@classygary The dog thing is actually a reference to an older joke, where the dog feeds off his anger, so like mans best friend doesn't know why dads mad but he's on his side so he's mad too. That's why the dug was shaking like a psycho, bill was raging and the dog was amping up right next to him lol

[@arenasification]

@@adear2756 exactly. was thinking about forwarding this to a friend and he wouldn't understand the dog thing, since he doesn't know the special :D

[@killaseason82]

My ex pulled a gun on me i wrestled it away from her n called the cops n they took me to jail when she the one threatened my life smh

[@puddinportals]

Omg wtf ☹☹

[@nelsongaskell4061]

Assuming you weren’t threatening her before that then that’s so stupid

[@killaseason82]

We were broken up she was scheduled to move out so she went thru my phone n saw i was talking to another chic which she could have just asked me cuz we were broken up so i walk in the house n she had my gun in her hand n pulled the trigger but luckily the dumb bitch didn't no how to work the safety n it dry fired smh

[@WattWireNet]

So the morals of the story are ALWAYS password protect your phone and never teach bitches how guns work.

[@Nakai865]

@@killaseason82 my god dood i think u should just show the police what to do

[@ArmandoMPR]

Lol I love the chick that screams “EVERYDAY”

[@369pendulum]

I wish my girl would say that shit while sitting next to me. Look at the type of shit women can get away with!

[@369pendulum]

Daij Shut yo sexy ass up

[@DracoGangLive]

@@369pendulum This escalated quickly..

[@jackspediceye9961]

I would like a friend like her

[@sdry]

perfect timing.

[@daleschuls1020]

I come back to this just to hear that woman yell in the break of the joke "EVERYDAY" and I swear Bill Burr is one of the most real comedians left out there today. That symphony, unplanned, moment of the crowd participating in the joke is what makes comedy, comedy. He expected that but didnt expect that comment, and the crowd delivered.

[@edithbannerman4]

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

[@pcolt4]

Bill Burr is such a freak genius at wading into that gray area along the socially taboo and verboten and then just toying with that boundary in a hilarious way.

[@laynaTheLobster]

I mean, you're right, but why is talking about how to handle relationships properly taboo? I think that Bill Burr has a lot of good social commentary too.

[@purplegoopguy]

My guy dives across the line and pulls it with him

[@Travelling..Bottle..Digger]

yeah, he blew my mind 🖐👀

[@trentjacobs3957]

Burr, like Greg Giraldo are part of a very small group of comedians that can not only pull of pedophile jokes but, actually open with it....and nail it. Burr might not b the GOAT but....he might b.

[@osio7528]

@@trentjacobs3957 he definitely is the GOAT

[@srettamevilabeing1323]

Bill: "I just ghosted her" Every other Man on the planet: "I gotta tell ya, worked like a charm"

[@stephaanjacques2269]

gotta love the 420 likes. Lets hope it lasts

[@ararune3734]

In fact, ghosting a woman solves all your life problems, I've tested if a few times myself. I'll take the champagne of victory over needless migraine

[@chargersfan0560]

“IM NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER AND SHES NAGGING ME!” 🤣 bill ur the best!!!

[@seanscanlon9067]

In fairness the woman who shouted out actually said.... "It's her right".

[@syedrahim6199]

@@seanscanlon9067 ahhh that makes sense. But kinda see how Bill cant hear her right its far from him. Still that made a wonderful impromptu joke from Bill!

[@HereIsWhatsOnMyMind]

"Talking about hitting women, sweetheart, AND I THINK YOU JUST ADDED ANOTHER REASON!" 😂😂😂

[@ihsahnakerfeldt9280]

@@seanscanlon9067 No she didn't. She stressed the first word, which does not match the statement you wrote.

[@seanscanlon9067]

@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 So what do you think was the first word there?

[@alittlecreepywhenyou]

"I've begun to turn this franchise around." One of the wisest statements Bill has ever made.

[@4812megan]

Men have physical strength, women understand emotions better. Emotions are not logical. Just as it's not alright for men to hit women, it's just as wrong for women to emotionally manipulate men. Burr is very accurate here.

[@kiwin111]

What does that even mean? "women understand emotions better" Please elaborate. Give me an example.

[@filippomusenga6274]

women understand emotions better....didn't notice

[@charlesonl5593]

Barnes Barnesy Stop with the Exuse men are stronger than women it's really annoying and pointless Men Beat each other up even if the other guy is weak they don't give a shit what's the difference if they do it with women??? We shouldn't even fucking hit anyone ffs you guys treat women as if they are 9

[@charlesonl5593]

I'm not for Domestic abuse

[@midnytemassacre]

kiwin111 Actually... Biologically speaking, a female brain operates left to right while a male operates front to back. Translation: Women are more often more analytical and logical while men are superior in motor skills. Women experience, elaborate, define, and are twice as influenced by emotions and emotional responses then men while men are more prone not only to fighting/violence but also to running, jumping, strength, endurance yada yada the physical. Despite discrepancies (like tomboys and the fabulous guys) this is on average the never ending truth of our species. Women act and behave on emotions. Men react on instinct. It is why women are not as "easy" when it comes to sex but the ordinary single guy would sleep with anyone they find attractive while women are usually more selective in a mate.

[@flouncymagoo9766]

I'm a woman and I approve this message

[@redfather5342]

No one gives a fuck what you approve

[@jamesl.g.4245]

@@redfather5342 #TRIGGERED 😂🤣😂 you seem like the woman bill was talking about...hahaha!

[@Eatingcunceout]

James L.G. *Curiously watches whilst eating popcorn*

[@Rogue-ww2nw]

James L.G. “Triggered” so you think you need a woman to approve of recognize what’s wrong with domestic violence, nah YOU sound like the bitch bills talking about

[@jeremiahmargulies5842]

True. No doubt about it.

[@lukeschilperoort9934]

I genuinely love how he derives so much humor while simultaneously teaching real life lessons by simply calling out the sheer dumbassery that’s been accepted by mainstream society and logically breaking it down. The “no reason to hit a women” bit seems edgy but it’s simply calling out the sheer arrogance that women are somehow above reproach compared to men and men just have to accept that. It solves literally nothing about what led to that conflict in the first place and does nothing to prevent future conflicts.

[@timbaker8020]

Well said 👍

[@ararune3734]

Because it's not designed to fix or prevent anything, it's designed for a gynocentric society

[@anarcho-communist11]

Women and men both hold women accountable for stuff....Remember the Johnny Depp trial? Women came out of the woodwork to support JD instead of AH. The truth is no one's holding men accountable like we should. Men are murdering and raping at at least 10 times the rate women do, and it's not talked about nearly enough because a lot of men want to stay in denial. Also religion is very sexist towards women, but we don't talk about that much either because a lot of men get angry when they hear about sexism and we can't have that! Lots of male snowflakes out there can't handle hearing facts.

[@1fromoutside]

​@Ararune we still live in pretty much male centric society

[@codywood1295]

​@1fromoutside in many ways we don't though. I think men just talk less in general. Complain less. Get listened to less. Women get significantly less jail time for the same crimes as men. God forbid a women wants to take the kids away from a man, she starts with the advantage.

[@sohamjoshi9353]

This aged really well

[@PychedSyphony]

Just broke up with a girl exactly like this.. this honestly helped me out so much, and now I completely despise who she is as a person

[@flawlesswhoreless7691]

Good for you

[@hellsing3062]

Yeah man, good for you. And remember boys, don't stick your dick in the crazy.

[@edwardschmitt5710]

Yeah good luck they have the golden vagina so they act like entitled people

[@WorldWalker128]

Good job, dude.

[@NatandGeorge]

Walk away is rthe best response. If I'm with a woman, it's because I care for her, & I don't hurt those I care about, given a choice.

[@joshsullivan8527]

bill burr - "why can you only ask questions about what the guy did and not the woman, why is that?" the woman responded by saying "It's her Right", as in her right to not be asked questions. LMFAO so stupid.

[@kaydenbreak8988]

Gender "equality"

[@jevans4538]

The chattering cuntfussing of ideologically possessed demons.

[@keepitreal1999]

Don't matter what is said! Folks will always find something to complain about! The shit is TRUE ! And so funny!!!!

[@christianw6819]

She probably also thinks it's her right to murder babies.

[@jumhed994]

'Answer him right'. Means talk to him properly.

[@clonesquad4874]

he's saying what we're thinking

[@tjrizvi251]

Clone Squad I WAS THINKIN IT AND THEN YOU SAID IT

[@captaf1]

Tj Rizvi we’re all connected

[@213213yoyo]

+Art we are one. We are one. We are one.

[@codycall6513]

djjazzyjeff123 now that’s hitting the head on the nail. Makes me want to be a comedian. What better way to vent. Lol

[@yaboirequis]

Clone Squad bill burr us secretly a geniuses

[@terrancemitchell3256]

“ we’re talking about hitting women sweetheart , and I think you just added another reason “ 😭💀

[@Hollowpitta]

Ladies, it's not ok to slap your guy

[@itsveebitch8295]

lucas pitta what if he’s an asshole 😰😰🤭🤷🏾‍♀️

[@itsveebitch8295]

Farsam Abbas unfortunately 😪😪 all I can do is yell and scream

[@itsveebitch8295]

Farsam Abbas believe me i would never 😪 they are just fantasies

[@itsveebitch8295]

ll Im Clamps ll Xb1 uuuuum im not 🙄

[@compfrags9369]

Vee k

[@too-da-loo]

His comments on how women argue is 100% spot on. My ex was like that, the moment I left the pocket she took me down hard and beat the crap out of me verbally and mentally. I later learned the best lesson as Bill suggests, stay in the pocket, take a knee, run out the clock. I will add, talk in a soft voice, look her in the eyes and smile. It makes you feel so good to see them explode.

[@ararune3734]

So you're telling us your ex was a woman. Honestly your ex needs to know her place, the fact a lot of you guys allow this to happen and think you're the ones who have to sneak out of it is worrying. Set up boundaries from the start, there's no reason for you to tolerate it.

[@s43m]

I don't get this shit, why do people form relationships with these people? You can prob tell who's crazy if you know them to the point that you decide you can have a relationship with them.

[@ararune3734]

@@s43m All women are at least a little crazy, so might as well not date then. What don't you get? Men can't be that picky as a gender, if they were picky they'd have to rub one off themselves every day

[@Heretic1981]

@@s43m Pfft, very few people show you who they really are until they get comfortable. Didn't you ever date or, heaven forbid, hire someone who took a few months to not work out?

[@s43m]

@@Heretic1981 Why marry someone you aren't completely comfortable with?

[@ardvark84]

The real comedy is the fact that we laugh more when something real and true is being said. This was as down to Earth true as possible and it was hillarious.

[@achilles5199]

ardvark84 "tuna casserole! And start swinging"

[@TonyRule]

And that sums up the genius of Bill Burr.

[@Msaprillouise]

This is definitely one of my favorites from him. He brings up a lot of good points about one sided stories, and never asking questions when they need to be asked…. . Smart, smart man.

[@slowster2945]

Yet when a woman hits a man (or runs him over in his car) the question always gets asked - "What did he do?"

[@wissal.1564]

I disagree most of the time the girl gets called crazy and no one asks what did he do 2 make her crazy

[@snorkey2462]

iamthefuturequeen well if the chick ran over her dude over a little argument then the bitch is crazy 😂

[@ThePathStrider]

Hurt her fist and made a mess of the underside of the car.

[@michaeltaylor4250]

@@wissal.1564 I'm guessing this is coming from a women ofc

[@zapputopia6383]

Jesus Christ! This is VERY EYE OPENING when you really think about it.

[@alanhigh8125]

Women know they can get away with practically anything. Some years ago, a friend of mine told me about an argument he and his live-in girlfriend were having. He'd had enough, and simply turned his back on her and began to walk away. She threw a large kitchen knife at him. Fortunately, the handle hit him and not the blade. He told her he'd call the police, to which she replied, "Go ahead. By the time they get here, I'll be crying, and I'll tell them you hit me. Who do you think they'll believe?"

[@kirayoshikage4728]

Ohh boi, did he left her?

[@starfiremonkey7839]

Should have, it's better for both of them

[@richardwyse7817]

similiar here......almost same words.

[@mattdiaz2366]

I have an almost identical story that happened to me recently word for word

[@SympatheticArsenal]

Wow. Just, wow. I usually have something sarcastic, smartass or quick-witted to add to a conversation. But this is simply plain evil in it's purest form.

[@the_endling]

As a woman I know what he's talking about.. I saw my mum berate, belittle and push my dad with bespoke niceties until he'd snap, then she'd use that against him. Women talk crap and men are physical, that's just biology. None should be dished out. How about mutual respect?

[@CapoKies]

Women talk nonsense, men talk logic. That's "biology".

[@SerTempleton]

👌🏿

[@flightrisk7566]

@@CapoKies who hurt u

[@nikhilbhavani981]

Apache helicopter you aren’t a woman. You’re a goddamn Apache Helicopter. Own it.

[@kezkezooie8595]

Ahhhh So you're using the old 'Look what you made me do to you?" defence. That's always a good one. My dad used to use that one on my mum and us kids. The final straw for my mum was when he knocked her down and kicked her down the street when she was heavily pregnant and then broke my arm a few days later. It took mum a few months after my youngest sister was born to arrange it, but he also cried when we left and then stalked, threatened and still abused us regularly for years whenever he found us. His excuse was always "You made me do it!" If your dad had to hit your mum because she "made him do it", perhaps he should have left instead of retaliating against verbal abuse with physical abuse. Both are bad, but one is worse.

[@tonyu52]

Played this for my wife. She didn't find it funny...at all. Meanwhile, I'm rolling on the floor!

[@drake5118]

8:00 "Come home 'TUNA CASSEROLE!' and just start swingin.." 😂😂😂😂 I'm in tears

[@yaneyd93]

Can someone explain this to me ? I'm not a native english speaker. i wanna know what it means, i bet it's hilarious.

[@drake5118]

@@yaneyd93 it doesn't really mean anything in particular, primarily just a piece of dark humor out of how America's domestic abuse can literally stem from the simplest of things, e.g. "Tuna casserole for dinner"

[@yaneyd93]

Thank you, i have just googled Tuna casserole and now i get it :D

[@molostone8946]

@@yaneyd93 dimwit

[@traviscrowell8946]

Molo Stone racist

[@naimalovespizza5377]

OMG, I died when the woman in the audience yelled, "EVERYDAY!!!!" 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@erikbaran7197]

Naimal - The feeling's mutual, hon.

[@Mistanyycguy]

Later that night, her husband beat her ass lol

[@kingjaven13]

NaimaLovesPizza that was classic

[@DIZAZZO]

NaimaLovesPizza And how they brought you back from the dead to comment this?

[@angrycrow8961]

To the parents who made him. Thank you for the love of god thank you

[@jono601]

angry crow don’t forget the parents of the writers.

[@angrycrow8961]

@@jono601 man I'm pretty sure these are his jokes

[@jono601]

angry crow fair enough

[@phuck8627]

Odd how when someone does something right, you all wanna praise their parents, but when someone does something wrong, their parents are their last ones to blame in your mind. If someone does something good, you thank them, they deserve the thank you, not someone else.

[@angrycrow8961]

@@phuck8627 I don't understand what your trying to say. WHAT?

[@sirriffsalot4158]

I keep coming back to this every now and then. It really is one of the greatest comedy bits ever written.

[@pringlescan81]

This is dark... but real; a TED talk that will never happen

[@raimundoj888]

fuck TED talks

[@Optimistas777]

This is already a ted talk

[@frostywarrior4649]

Why is it dark if it's the truth???

[@IrvingIV]

Actually this would be a TEDx talk, the less prestigious variety like the lady who was angry about single

[@ricardobocus6304]

It's a BILL Talk

[@dwighthayes4738]

The last time a female said to me "A woman should never be hit under any circumstances." I immediately reminded her THAT "We can all choose our actions BUT none of us can choose our consequences." She politely agreed and bowed out. If you put your hands on me, male or female THEN you do not get to choose what will or will not happen to you.

[@jackgebhardt2932]

Dwight Hayes If I gave you a hug you would hit me?

[@dwighthayes4738]

SPAKELDORF No I wouldn't hit a person for genuinely hugging me. I'd probably return the gesture. Everybody needs a hug from time to time. 😀

[@jackgebhardt2932]

Dwight Hayes Yeah

[@dwighthayes4738]

SPAKELDORF Indeed

[@fleecejohnson5259]

Dwight Hayes yeah a hug (in good minded nature) can go such in a long way to help someone out. Sometimes I feel that this world needs way more politeness and nice nature. Its just so dark out here.

[@stevesteve513]

I have been with my wife 30 yrs, one of the first things I established is you will not slap, punch or throw things at me when you get mad. If we are married and there are things that I cannot do, then you cannot do them as well. I knew that when I was teenager that I would not live in a violent home. You men it is not hard to get things established up front, and if she hits you then leave her. It is just like being with a man that hits a woman, that will not be the only time. Women cry about equality over and over but will smack a man upside his head ,and no one will say shit.

[@KairuHakubi]

thing is, small amounts of violence that _deflate_ conflict are sensible. people used to do them all the time. a single slap that brings someone to their senses when they're hysterical. men and women alike (but let's be real, women need it more often). It's the same as spanking a kid for discipline, you're not trying to hurt them, just send a message through a channel that can't be ignored, when they're experiencing emotional overload and can't be reached otherwise. Having a zero tolerance attitude toward that just because some people overdo it or pervert it into something else... is one of the most prevalent and dumb modern attitudes. and just like everything else those modern people go after, guns, words, whatever... it doesn't do a thing about the actual crime. Because the only people who give a damn about what's allowed are the good ones, the ones in control. So you take away the thing they were handling in a sensible manner, while all the dirtbags still get to keep theirs.

[@KairuHakubi]

@@bumblingdolphin9281 yeah you're right, everyone who ever lived was wrong, we've only just finally gotten things right. look at this emotional paradise we're living in after all.

[@Melody-jc5hk]

@@bumblingdolphin9281 yes

[@KairuHakubi]

@@gluehfunke1547 you'll change your mind the first time you actually get hit.

[@margaritasytcheva2730]

As someone who was emotionally abused and a few times hit as a child, I will never truly forgive my parents for what they did. This so-called “discipline” method is utter bullshit and unforgivable. Nowadays, I try to find ways to avoid seeing my parents, and I don’t imagine talking to them much after I graduate from college. If I ever get hit, I just leave the relationship and don’t look back. The last thing that I would ever do is let my partner think violence solves anything. After my childhood, I much rather be single than in abusive/toxic relationship.

[@chriskyle6891]

So many things about this make it great, but #1 is that he chose a topic that's something that nobody really ever disagrees with and found a hilarious way to disagree with it. Unbeatable premise.

[@Paul-hi1qo]

Or he just stole it from Chris Rock. Which is exactly what happened.

[@kalilstukes2729]

the woman yelling ANSWER HIM was the best way i seen somebody turn awkward crowd input into what i assume was a standing ovation

[@BenAri18]

i was so confused at that part whyd he roast her like that

[@roelfkromhout]

@@BenAri18 Yeah, now that I'm watching it again I think she actually said that in support of Burr.

[@BenAri18]

@@roelfkromhout yeh same i was like bruh im pretty sure she was w ur bill

[@georgewashington5746]

@@BenAri18 because he was bombing and went after her

[@fireboltinc5712]

I honestly think she was a plant from Bill. The timing was fucking priceless.

[@tayeelshaikh9228]

"We're talking about hitting women sweetheart....and I think you just added another reason." Lol haha that was one of the best comebacks towards a heckler.

[@leftheodo]

Tayeb Elshaikh You should see the blind hecler and how bill turned it up. It's amazing

[@KandelaGC]

lmao, I think she wasn't talking to him.

[@markturney8843]

“She’s not even in a relationship with me, and she’s nagging me!” 👍

[@polymathtutoring1292]

*"I'm not even in a relationship with her, and she's fucking nagging me!"*

[@SonicTheHedgeRat]

@@polymathtutoring1292 Pay attention meat head you saying the same shit he said...😐

[@iBloodxHunter]

I feel like that was just a misunderstanding

[@noahvburk585]

@@iBloodxHunter reference to 8 Mile lol

[@ycnthegod2718]

@@SonicTheHedgeRat I literally just got done watching the ending battles lol

[@kamilomar9134]

Bill Burr is funny ironic, truthful and wilfully self deprecating at the same time - that takes talent.

[@illuminatioracle]

women pretend aggression comes from absolutely nowhere, but can employ a picture perfect photographic memory when it comes to them being pissed off at something you did.

[@myles208]

illuminatioracle hmm. Just know one thing, emotions = weakness. I mean women and vaginas go hand in hand. Both are very very sensitive.

[@junkybabes]

I think they just rely on us not remembering and pretend they remembered.

[@betterdaysbetterdaysbetterdays]

Not all women are the same dumbass

[@YuYuYuna_]

@Haha AHha Emotions aren't a weakness. Vulnerability is. It all depends on how you handle criticism and mean spirited comments to you. Also it matters if you believe the statement to be true.

[@brandondelgado68]

@@myles208 nnnnnnnnnmmmnnnmnnn?????????????????

[@MoustacheMedic]

I've literally had my ex punch me multiple times in the head while driving (also had a history getting upset and slapping / shoving me around) cause she got mad that I called her out on giving her friend the $400 in rent and owed me so he could get a new laptop, I just stopped and let her out of the car lmao "No reason to hit a woman" is just what the women that start shit want you to think so that they can abuse men and get away with it 🤷 My belief: you hit someone they have EVERY right to send one back your way

[@wd4440]

Hope you're okay now buddy. As Men we need to have each others back.

[@greyman6353]

Equal rights needs to come with equal lefts.

[@elishaallen4475]

@@greyman6353 This is the best comment I've seen in a long time 😂

[@byronhenry6518]

I would’ve just stopped the car and made her get out. Find a new one. Lol. I was in a relationship like that. Put up with that bullshit for 2 years. Finally walked away. New standard, if she ever puts her hands on you in anger that’s it. Right there. No reconciliation or second chances. And I make that very clear when I get into a relationship with a woman. Couldn’t be happier now.

[@Arch3an]

@@byronhenry6518 Good policy, sir.

[@brandondavidson4085]

Bill makes a good point. You have to talk about why two people got into a relationship that became toxic and abusive. Some women choose to stay with an abusive man for different reasons. Some men just snap after taking so much abuse from the woman.

[@reginasemenenko148]

Some women snap after living with an abusive man.

[@Glorbnok]

@@reginasemenenko148 in the physical sense or mental sense??

[@bpls3341]

THAT^^ PART, fr

[@Miss-Placed.1]

I "chose" to stay with an abusive partner because he beat me down in every possible way, so much that I lost my grip on reality and was extremely ill. I had what you might consider Stockholm Syndrome. I did get away eventually but I had to literally run away to do that. And left with only what I could carry.

[@rzwitdauncut]

brandon. that muart profile picture doesn’t count. thats from the movie Madagascar. get the muart from the PENGUINS of Madagascar🐧

[@AndrewKearney-p3i]

Comedic genius. Bill Burr is fearless. He's brutally honest. One of my favorite of all time.

[@darnell7871]

“TUNA CASSEROLE!” I don’t why but it’s always that line that got me busting out laughing 💀💀😭😭😂😂😂

[@josephleonard6695]

08:00 😂😂😂

[@tomsmusic2049]

Hahaha, same. I came to watch just for that bit

[@asdasd-rp9hx]

@@LetsUseLogic131 casserole is usually seen as leftovers and usually microwaved. it being tuna makes it even worse. not much to explain if you think about it for 2 seconds

[@Oozywolf]

Lmfao to this day might be the funniest 2 seconds of any stand-up comedy. Still the best overall segment of all time.

[@NGSeverything]

I'm Wheezing

[@joshuatyler4657]

It is never ok to hit a man.

[@floor_tank_shanks4194]

It's never ok for anyone to hit anyone

[@scythewise]

Yeah cause the crazy one will kick your teeth in

[@websitedotcom-i8h]

What if she tries to stab you?

[@cdgonepotatoes4219]

Zen0r30 well, that's technically hitting you.. with a sharp object designed to penetrate and cut flesh same thing with a gun, trying to hit you with a small, really fast moving lead pellet

[@Fire-Manz]

Life is life and it will screw you at some point, but it's totally not your choice so it's okay! Only when you take action though then you should feel bad for the wrong decision.

[@Nathan-gd7xq]

I would love to see him do this routine at a college campus, just to see the mass triggering it would cause.

[@caleanderson3575]

Nathan Allen imagine in Berkeley

[@jontallman3878]

Or Evergreen!!!

[@kezkezooie8595]

Seriously, you make out like women don't feel this way about their partners too, at times. Did you notice that there were women in this audience laughing because they could put themselves in that place as well and that it was a woman who called out "Every damned day!" and got a laugh from the audience and a nod from him? His point was, and most women can understand this too, is that your partner can drive you nuts at times but you don't hit them.

[@herrzerfas5310]

@@kezkezooie8595 Thank you, I was starting to think everyone one posting here was an idiot

[@Phyoomz]

Would be even better in an elementary school, no?

[@Muircetach]

This is amazingly relevant now that the Depp vs. Heard case is ongoing.

[@michaeldalesandros6304]

Bill on stage: "women, how many times have you thought about slapping your man around the head this week?" Bill in audience: "EVERYDAAAAAY"

[@oz_jones]

Thats what i thought too lol

[@Demonezia]

Plot twist, the girl that yelled it was his girlfriend LOL

[@deerwoodmedia]

I always wonder if that person was a plant in the crowd to make the joke.

[@Erazzzer]

@@deerwoodmedia Yes it is. Because the joke after the yell is always perfectly written for the answer being yelled.

[@Monkey006]

@@Erazzzer Or, Bill is just an incredibly witty guy? Did you not pick that up from the slathering he gave the "answer him!" woman in the crowd? Lol.

[@arvindvanati106]

I don’t blame the audience for not laughing coz when somebody is stating facts u shut up and listen💯

[@nairobihouselab6817]

They weren't there for a conference, they paid to be tickled

[@God-gi9iu]

Oo

[@larrytherustyboii7442]

@@nairobihouselab6817 that was a good one right there, nice.

[@jacobsaunders1092]

They were laughing their asses off

[@ZeonGenesis]

@Christian Lopez What's the truth? That men have 'valid' reasons to hit women? That men aren't responsible for their actions? That women are always responsible for what men do? That's fucking weird.

[@canuckster24]

If they threaten you with no sex and you don't care, that's when the tables finally turn.

[@tivednagol9127]

Suppose a girlfriend threatens me with no sex and I dump her on the grounds that if she won't do it for me I'll do it without her. What do you think about that? Just wondering, because I've never been in a relationship and want to know what the right responses are.

[@LeMuDX]

Tived Nagol if you don’t like a girl and she pulls no sex one you then your response is perfect and chances are her reaction will be priceless

[@davidkyo1985]

If someone's childish enough to resort to explicitly blackmailing you with sex, you should probably dump them anyway. Caution: NEVER mix this up with them just not being in the mood. That can happen, and you're not entitled to have sex with a person whenever you want. I'm referring to them saying things like "well if that's how you feel, maybe you should sleep on the couch for the next X period."

[@randymiller3949]

My wife of 23 yrs threatened me like that ONE TIME...I calmly told her that I didn't really give a shit...there's too many other women in the world that don't mind giving it up...so if you don't feed a dog at home...THAT DOG WILL GO TO SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE & EAT. She's never tried that since...after 23 yrs of marriage she has learned when I'm as serious as I can honestly be.

[@TheHigherVoltage]

Tived, if a woman threatens you with no sex, you're with a whore that is trying to own you.

[@murderburger1811]

This is my favorite bit. Not only did it get me hooked on burr, but it changed my life substantially in handling relationships. Love this guy

[@Helltamirre]

How about coming back from an military exercise that lasted two weeks and finding your girlfriend double teamed in your damned apartment while a bunch of stoned and drunk people you don't know are having a party in your living room. Reason a plenty. Still didn't do it though.

[@ekemini12435]

Mortar team and a pooch should have

[@Helltamirre]

@@ekemini12435 Was I a civvie - i might've. But as a serviceman? She just needs to go to MP and tell 'em, and the door behind her wouldn't have time to close before I would be out of the Army. Beating women is bad for the reputation of the Force, see. Men are fine, but women are a no-no. I guess, male privilege at work.

[@farbauti5398]

Please tell me you crippled the dudes at least and threw her shit out the window

[@Helltamirre]

@@farbauti5398 Hey, if I did I would be in MP office in an hour. Uniform, mate. One has to be careful not to stain it. So it's restraint and control. I did make sure they saw my gun. A Taurus Raging Bull. In .454 Casull. It's an impressive gun. They cleared out quickly.

[@rauljaimes6739]

That makes my blood boil brother. Can't believe you held composure

[@nickm8874]

“Even hockey has 2 minutes for instigating” 😆

[@jasondyrkacz8270]

Bill wasn't lying. That's an actual penalty in hockey.

[@nickm8874]

Jason Dyrkacz yes I know. It just amuses me greatly as an analogy

[@WillieDWashington]

Bill Burr is AWESOME!!!

[@chunkycheeks9101]

Chris Topher tf?

[@TheSushiSnatcher]

Chris Topher Sike you thought

[@enkiea52]

Yahweh hates you Chris.

[@batpool8338]

Unfunny and Annoying*

[@burkeherrick3580]

Yes bill burr is awesome

[@christophernavarro9401]

“Take a knee and run out the clock” Best advice ever! 😂