How NOT to Attract an INFJ

[@nalissolus9213]

Lack of authenticity and dishonesty are my biggest turn-offs.

[@ItsNicola]

Yes!

[@LisaCorleone]

Me too. I despise everything artificial. Real or nothing.

[@TheUniversesDaughter]

makes me cringeee

[@annmarie6870]

Ugh me to

[@didi_0222]

Yes…. Agreed

[@t.c9537]

I don't like being around people who always turns a discussion into an argument...people who takes everything I say personally and who makes it their mission to prove me wrong

[@miafannin1]

this.

[@yenvi1546]

oh my god yes i hate that

[@stacfred9509]

Absolutely this.

[@thatinfjgirl]

Agreed. Too combative and stressful.

[@mysterical-]

I agree so much.

[@emfer3010]

Don't like people standing too close to me. What really puts me off, is when I try to keep distance, but they keep getting closer.

[@Spiritualinsider111]

Someone kept doing this to me in the store yesterday ans I even had to ask myself why am I getting so internally irritated lol. I called myself out.

[@user-dm1ew3gg6e]

You are soo right

[@justChrisjones]

I've even looked up what is the correct distance to talk to someone. 😢 !

[@ryanlucascarrasco]

Yes

[@Angelicconnections111]

yes !

[@deanacincotta2236]

Being stagnant in your own growth. INFJ's spend sooo much time researching & learning about themselves and others (in order to understand, to grow, to help) and it's disheartening to an INFJ when others don't put any effort into learning about themselves. Besides, the more they learn about themselves the more they can share with INFJ's and it will help us to understand them better (and have deeper & more meaningful interactions). I've noticed that the relationship between an INFJ and another person will get stunted when the INFJ sees that the other person isn't investing in their personal growth and "self-knowledge".

[@mrg6663]

An INFJ would know if somebody is genuine or faking a personality to impress or manipulate. I can tolerate many differences if the person is genuine. But disingenuity is unforgiveable and noticed pretty quickly.

[@yenvi1546]

absolutely!!

[@LisaCorleone]

My actions always match my words. I remember everything too. I can't stand wishy washy ppl. Indecisive ppl. Ppl who ask others what to do & take advice from ppl who know nothing on a subject. I don't call them out on it. But in my mind....I remember that.

[@04ingoditrust04]

Yeeeessssss!

[@rissa5161]

@@LisaCorleone yes I agree... I have a close friend who would often ask me what to do in certain situations or ask me to decide things for her. Sometimes she even regrets the decision. It really gets on my nerves. >:( One time she wanted to get this dress and asked me to pick one... so I did, and she said that the dress I picked looks too plain, but she bought it anyway 😃... After it came, she kept on asking me if it looks good on her, and I said yes it does. But, again... she kept on asking me over and over again if I think that it'll fit the theme for a party she's going to, I said it does... AGAIN... she sent me pics of other dresses and asked me if one of those would look better... And me being an honest person, I said this one dress would look better I think... but then she replied that the second dress I picked might make her look fat. Yeah, after that I just stopped replying to her for a while and she finally decided to wear the first dress. 😭

[@Reindeer911]

Belittling an INFJ in any fashion is risky business. Definitely on the mark with this video.

[@paulmulhern1096]

OMG, this is so bang on. By describing how not to attract an INFJ you perfectly describe the INFJ!

[@pieterbruin]

My biggest turn off is the logical contradiction / cognitive dissonance thing. It's effing everywhere. And my second one is jealousy / envy / competition. I really enjoy gardening and one of my neighbors down the street has made it quite obvious several times that she thinks I'm doing it solely to impress and compete. And what makes it even worse is that she often tries to trick me into confirming her pathetic view by saying 'You must be very proud that you have the nicest garden in the street. NO?'. It's SO annoying.

[@violet18]

Yes! I've often heard people say that a narcissistic individual will expose themselves by accusing you of things that they are guilty of. If the neighbor is asking you that question, then it is likely that it is their mentality. I had a coworker get upset with me because she asked me if I ever got frustrated with the students and I told her no. She told me to wait until I had a class of kids all to myself. I'm literally the assistant for the class and she's going to claim that she has them all to herself!

[@achtube85]

Timestamps: 00:00 - Intro 00:46 - 1 | Be a logical contradiction 01:49 - 2 | Never open up 02:50 - 3 | Force them into small talk 03:48 - 4 | Dismiss their ideas 05:03 - 5 | Discourage their passions 06:24 - 6 | Interrupt their work 07:18 - 7 | Be overly attached to traditions 08:52 - 8 | Accuse them of being crazy 10:30 - 9 | Force impulsive decisions 12:46 - 10 | Be passive aggressive 13:38 - 11 | Make everything about you 14:21 - 12 | Act like the end justifies the means 15:28 - 13 | Disrespect quality time 16:49 - Outro

[@madmushroom8639]

Here it is! Thank you :)

[@heronofheaven]

If an INFJ truly understand that, he will make an internal smile whenever see this kind of people and he will find a way to understand and attracted by them.

[@aditi1729]

This video describes me to a T. I’m gonna send it to my potential boyfriend hehe

[@DeSa5602]

Thanks man amazing!

[@vanessa271]

Love it...thanks so much! This list is 100% correct.

[@serban2139]

-only like me for the body -don't be willing to improve in any way, shape or form -tell me there is nothing beyond our 5 senses -tell me we're not gonna hang out on your day off because you have an 1 hour appointment all day and that makes your whole day busy(it's insane how many do this) -say "we're all gonna die, so why bother" Uhm I'm not sure how accurate these are, but they apply to me, sounds more personal than INFJ, but hey whatever there we go haha

[@achtube85]

I can so relate to this!

[@user-dm1ew3gg6e]

I totally get the 1 hour thing, I have this one friend since kindergarten who always acts like this and I do not get it at all. It seems as if it's always me keeping in contact as well 😕

[@Ricard1807o]

I relate to some of the points, although not entirely INFJ specific

[@darthcarrots2581]

First one for sure. Ended my last relationship because they were pushing too hard for physical intimacy and ONLY that when we were alone together.

[@cristinamariawilmer]

"In any way, shape, or form"... well said 👍

[@JohnJohnson-bd9zq]

"We like to have conversations that actually MEAN something. A lot of us have a hard time with small talk and see it as a waste of time. I have better things to do. I got work to do. Why am I standing here for 20 minutes talking about nothing with someone that doesn't matter." - The truest thing I've ever heard/seen on the interwebz. This is like every company party or every party that your extrovert friend forces you to go to.

[@asdfghjkl8236]

One main thing that has been hurting my relationship is I can’t take any more guessing... I can’t guess about how someone is feeling, thinking, or going through. I can not be with someone who isn’t transparent and is passive

[@beckywarren7732]

What I hate is everyone tries to figure me out instead of get to know me. There's nothing to figure out. I'm an open book and noone knows me.

[@barbarawarren9443]

These points are spot-on. No wonder I enjoy quarantine so much! Any quarantine negatives are quickly offset by not having to deal with all that crap.

[@LisaCorleone]

Agree.

[@yenvi1546]

so true!

[@thatinfjgirl]

😂 same

[@nalissolus9213]

I'm a depressed INFJ who procrastinate ALOT, it has become crippling and thinking about stuff just fills me with guilt and sadness that I'm not able to live up to my ideals. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person so when I'm too weak-willed or tired to perform I shut down completely. I wasn't like this before so I'm ashamed of what I have become. I think total isolation has worn me down. I also have problems making choices since I have many different interests and I can't pick one life path. I'm stuck in my head and don't follow through with anything anymore. The list of what I feel I ought to do piles up and I don't know where to begin so I just shut down and distract myself with youtube etc. while feeling miserable and guilty.

[@uckBayNguyen]

Dude, your dark night is upon you. Your last and final step is to let go. Your ego and madness of wanting to make sense. Let them go. Detach yourself from what is holding you back. Once you realize your insignificance is when you will experience your spiritual awakening. Let yourself be nothing. No connection. Absolute nakedness like the day your were born. Set your soul free and let it fly. You will no longer be a slave to the world, but a master of your own destiny. You will no longer be of the world. You will be a much more understanding of being an INFJ. Don't be afraid of the dark night, it's the door you've been searching all your life. Take a deep breath, release the hesitancy and let the power above guide you through. See you on the other side, INFJ

[@itsyourgirlkay6521]

@@uckBayNguyen even though this comment wasn't meant for me, thank you so much for this! I'm also experiencing the same things in my life right now

[@uckBayNguyen]

@@itsyourgirlkay6521 Kay, the spiritual awakening is a calling. A calling to answer to a higher conscience. A calling to do the will of our Father, who art in Heaven. You will not walk alone but will be guided by His love and inspiration. Your mind will open, your soul at peace, and wisdom will come as you ask and knock. Your intuition will sharpen and you must take heed. You'll never be alone as Jesus will walk and talk to you daily. Embrace Him and His guidance. Let go of everything and let Him take you into his arms. He will set you free. He will bless you with strength and health and bestow upon you wings to fly and a trumpet to declare His glory. Always give thanks and gratitude. Be grateful of who you are and the gift you have. He will help you detach from the bonds of setting you free. In the world you'll walk alone, but your soul will soar freely. Seek inspiration to be like Him. In essence, let those who see you can say, a disciple of Christ, she is. By the way, you'll spend a lot of time crying. You'll be shedding your old shell and your tears will be joy of letting go

[@amandagarcia9229]

You have described exactly how I feel. It’s almost scary. To be honest I don’t have any advice for you…we’re both in the same unhealthy state. So just know you’re not alone.

[@54lex]

My heart goes out to you. I 've been the same way all my life. Im 61 now. Feel like my life has been a total waste even I have been blessed with a beautiful family,and a beautiful faith in Jesus.

[@buckeyemusicguy]

Not a fan of Ego. 100% agree. Bragging, I just don't feel the need to do it myself & get annoyed when others think they are going to impress me by doing so. Don't brag about anything to earn my respect.

[@chaapola5694]

I feel you bro like we infj pick up when people around us start to brag even about little things and that shit annoys us.. that’s why when we talk we try to avoid bragging to not give that bad impression that we feel when people brag around us lol

[@Shawn-fn6gl]

It’s so spot on that it’s ridiculous. I feel so seen. It feels amazing to be understood.

[@04ingoditrust04]

Yes! I've found home! 🙃

[@aishiasenior2617]

Tell me what I'm thinking, my motivation or intent, without asking and especially after I have explained myself. I lose soooooooo much respect for ppl like that, it's a count down to the SLAM!

[@EmeraldEdge72]

I've had this problem with two black girls for quite a few weeks now. I even gave them videos (not INFJ vids) to help explain myself, but they just seem so hopeless. I am black as well so you could only imagine.

[@aditi1729]

Yesss someone gets me! I don’t like it when people assume things about me. Like no, we’re not the same people. Don’t tell me how I’m going to be/what I’m going to do. Go away. Haha

[@sarahofer4368]

Clever Valentine's Day topic :-); the subtle irony of INFJ humor. Another altogether enjoyable vlog.

[@rawgage7]

Bro, you describe every thought and desire that literally goes through my mind and soul. When I took a personality test and came up with the INFJ (which I pronounce as in-fij) descriptors, I was exposed to every reason other people irritate the life out of me! I'm constantly criticized for talking about things too deep, always over analyzing everything and caring too much or being too passionate. Most people turn me off instantly with mindless small talk and can't understand why I refuse to be interested in it. I explain, "small talk is for small minded people and I'm not small minded." This has proven to most that my time and attention is valuable and only earned, not granted. I love that you are very similar and love watching how you explain it in laymen's term. Thank you for being you and being humbly strong enough to put yourself out there to the world. A deep conversation is absolute gold and cherish every one I have. Be safe and please keep making content like this so people like us know we're not crazy and the only ones feeling like this. Btw, interesting way to put the reverse psychology spin on the subject on how to turn us off instead of on... I like that 😎👍

[@Glitteryglows]

I feel you on this! You are not alone ❤️

[@Gigi-wo8yv]

Thank you for this right on target info. I feel the same way.

[@justChrisjones]

Scare me away by trying to impose your extroverted ideas on what I should be doing with myself. Example: I'm sitting in the warm sun writing or reading and my nieghbor automatically thinks I want her to run over to me with her 3 pitbulls. She assumes anyone in her line of sight wants her to come over and chat. No boundaries. Like, let's keep doing this until your dogs knock me on to the concrete. I love paw prints on my book.

[@cliffvandersluis1112]

Sounds like you need to learn to set strong boundaries.

[@justChrisjones]

@@cliffvandersluis1112 yes, this kind take no hints . This was after I called the police when she was chasing me into my house. So after many tries she finally moved. Her boyfriend was a felon.

[@cliffvandersluis1112]

That brings more clarity and understanding to your first comment. Hope things worked out for you in the end.

[@justChrisjones]

@@cliffvandersluis1112 Yes, thank you. Peace and tranquility.

[@Jo-kh1yo]

I had a neighbor like this... if I left my front door open in the summer time to let in fresh air, within a few minutes or less she would be messaging me asking if I wanted to meet up for a cuppa.... It was like she was watching my front door! Aaarghhhh!

[@jonesy2892]

Don't micromanage us!!!! INFJs are highly competent people and just do life very well. We don't need anyone hovering over us and we'll become VERY resentful if we have to put up with this.

I’m loving this channel and all your content on INFJs! Thank you 🙂

[@kitsudanagisa]

Not just romantic partners, also very close best friends, I noticed I get very irritated when my best friend invites me to watch a movie or a weekend full of a tv shows and they get on their phone instead of spending that quality time *they* planned for us..

[@Jo-kh1yo]

If someone ignores me and spends time on their phone when I am in their company, I say something. Its extremely rude behaviour!

[@kitsudanagisa]

@@Jo-kh1yo I do say something, I say it in a kind manner, or hint about it, they'll realize it, but get on their phone like 20 minutes later..

[@darkknight3251]

I find it so odd when people put on a show or a movie and get on the phones. Why? And as INFJ I like to pay lots of attention and try not to miss a single detail :/ 🤷

[@kitsudanagisa]

@@darkknight3251 I mean if they have emergency calls, that's okay with me, but texting during the movie or tv show they display when we're supposed to hang out, or them scrolling through their facebook/twitter/instagram/ect feed when we planned to hang out..

[@darkknight3251]

@@kitsudanagisa agreed

[@rachelscheaffer9225]

Friends talking about themselves incessantly and telling the same stories over and over and not seeming to have any interest in us. It is mind numbing. I can’t hardly take it anymore, but I politely oblige because I know they really don’t mean any harm, they just don’t know any better. When I’ve tried to stimulate the conversation, sometimes I get statements like “where did that come from?” So frustrating.

[@andy-xx1rj]

And for some reason you can't stimulate other conversations that it isn't about them cause they keep going back to the same storie, I'm so tired of it. Or making all about them when you are trying to open up.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

AWESOME as always. Insightful, reflective, clear, intelligent stuff. Thank you brother!!

[@Iamfonful]

For me, the biggest turn-off is when they listen only to reply but not to understand.

[@virgomanifesting5414]

I'm in a relationship with an INFJ and I myself am an INTJ. We have both been completely open with communication from day one and we both hate small talk so we don't waste don't on that and it's one of my favorite things about us. He is my true unicorn and I can't imagine a better person for myself. No matter how much he tests me. I understand that it is just in his personality DNA to exhaust unrealistic hypotheticals. Thankfully I've found the best way to let him know when enough is rough is through subtle visual cues because verbal cues don't work lol He truly is magnificent to me.

[@virgomanifesting5414]

@@hvitulv7336 like if I put my hand to my face and either look up or away he knows I'm getting frustrated lol Thankfully he has an immense amount of patience for me though. If he were both getting frustrated with my being frustrated that would be chaos🤣🤣 But knowing his MBTI definitely helps me to know that he isn't doing that to be a pain in the ass so I'm able to have more patience and understanding than if I had no knowledge. But myself being an INTJ also helps us. We just both are very analytical people who are stuck in our heads 90% of the time. But when we are together we are just automatically unstuck and open...And no matter how inappropriate and/or frustrating that can be at times I would never want him to feel like he can't be 100% himself with me. He's the only person I've ever dated who I am as comfortable as I am when I'm alone in my own space. And its nice us knowing that no topic is necessarily off limits.

[@virgomanifesting5414]

@@zmbo5751 🤣🤣Actually my being an INTJ makes it impossible for me to fake anything let alone be fake lovey! Him and I get along so well because even in frustration we still talk nonstop. We work out any issues that may arise from either party and find a way to meet in the middle. We have both been looking for the exact this we provide for each other instinctively. I can't make anyone understand our connection since no one else is in it. But him and I both understand that we have much to learn about each other and both have the willingness to see us through. The good far outweighs any bad and that's something neither of us has experienced with past partners so being together just feels like a breath of fresh air 🍃 And we are able to recover very quickly after coming to a resolution and drop the subject because we know we communicated everything to full efficiency which is something we both appreciate.

[@virgomanifesting5414]

@@zmbo5751 Its ok. And we do have a very deep romantic bond on top of the intellectual connection. We feel bonded at a soul level as well and that I'm sure makes a big difference. When we met we both recognized something in the other that drew us together.❤ Because I care for him so deeply I do make the effort to understand him and every facet of himself. Watching videos and reading on his INFJ personality also helped me to understand why he is the way he is and love him that much more for it.

[@virgomanifesting5414]

@@zmbo5751 Well I already see him as my forever person so naturally I want to know everything I can to better understand him and help our relationship to keep growing and evolving 😊🙌❤

[@Gigi-wo8yv]

@@virgomanifesting5414 How fabulous! Congratulations to you both!

[@observeroflife0000]

I am 50 yrs old and just discovered what it means to be an INFJ about six months ago... I actually took the test back in my early 20's and found out but honestly had no clue what it meant, because I never looked any further into it. 👍 I seriously thought, "Oh yippy skippy... I am the rarest personality type... As if I don't already feel enough like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole in life..." 🤦‍♀️ But when I finally looked into all this six months ago I was like... "Errrrm... 😳 Holy crap... My entire life suddenly makes sense..." 😳🤣 You nailed it by the way! Imagine the frustration I had my entire life dealing with these things and having no clue why I was like this and couldn't round my edges even a LITTLE to try and fit in that round hole and just be "normal"... 🤣

[@thejoycatcher8189]

I love doing what others believe I couldn’t accomplish! I do things quietly and I don’t push for too much outside help. I plan a lot! LOL I enjoy my alone time and have patience. So when I have a goal I do not waste my time telling just anyone any longer. I’m working on something big for me right now. It has a process it has to go through. It’s reached a point most thought I’d never get it to! It’s empowering and exciting! I’ve learned so many vast things and realize just how little I know myself?! At first it was scary. But now that I’ve taken baby steps and fear less, I’ve tasted a bit of success! It makes me want to keep going! I’ve watched several of your videos for a few weeks and subscribed this A. M. I am so picky and want to make sure I’m learning and listening to someone who can bring more to my life, open my mind, and know they’re relatable! LOL You make so much sense to me! Just wanted to thank you! This is something I’ve been struggling with. I realize there’s so much more out there to learn, I need less but know less about what I’m capable of? It’s funny and exciting now but when I first realized how much I still have to grow it was scary and overwhelming. But now it’s become an adventure?! LOL Better in my 40’s than 20’s?! For me it is! No midlife crisis. It’s a midlife awaking of sorts? 🤷🏻‍♀️😄👌🏻👍🏻

[@thevoid186]

I have struggled and been turned off by all of these. I used to contort myself to work around them...

[@renemartz1520]

Thank God I'm not the only one who catches and releases spiders from my house! I've literally never met another human being in my life who does it too. I've always had a complex about it because others have made fun of me or made me think I'm weird. I'm so happy to know I'm not alone in that lol. Your awesome! Love this video too! ❤😊🕷

[@Gigi-wo8yv]

I have been doing the catch and release of insects for a very long time! Wish everyone felt like we do!

[@stephaniescott424]

You are not alone! I grew up in a household where that was what you did if you didn't want a bug indoors. Spiders are nice to have around though-they typically keep to themselves.

[@sarahmeadows5432]

I do this and I'm not INFJ

[@MsDoryLinda]

I'm an INFP and I relate to ALL these 💯 Just the other day I had one of those sales call for my business too and I decided not to buy because of that pressure to commit to buy by the end of call. I kept explaining that I needed time to weigh my options and digest the conversation and they completely disregarded that saying "if I was serious then I'd invest". There was NO way I'd work with someone who didn't care to listen and honor my way of working.

[@infpanaisluciacomedy]

Yep! I'm the same way with purchases! I like to research all options, think about it, then decide. By the way, love your videos! Very helpful! -INFP

[@MsDoryLinda]

@@infpanaisluciacomedy awesome 🤗 I'm so glad you love my content 😀

[@yepitsme7237]

Sometimes I let it run on to see where it goes. Plus to get more insight to why they are so disturbing to us. Also to be more malleable to not only switching it up the gears but oil them so transition between are more faster and smooth

[@Pets-n-Treats]

Oh, I so understand the pressure sales thing. I had a situation recently where that happened. And I was done with that before it ever got started.

[@Menelthir]

This is one of my favorite videos from you. It is a testament to how well you know yourself (the INFJ.) Sometimes the best way to describe something is to explain to others what you aren't. Its funny to me that we understand things better in that light. I'm sure other personality types are questioning why some of these things are such big deals. The "why" that you mentioned. Some of those people do not have the capacity to look at themselves in the mirror, and INFJ's are pretty much a mirror to a lot of people, so it makes it difficult for us to find those true connections with other people. As a lot people are neither genuine nor do they self analize. Which for me leaves me scratching my head as to why anyone would choose to live a life like that. So many people are content living the dream world that they create for themselves and they find happiness in their created realities. This is what drives me crazy. I'm writing about the dangers of the cliches of daydreaming myths, which do not match reality. Eh, I digress. Thank you for the video. I always enjoy them. Cheers

[@beekind14]

I'm pretty sure my ex is an ESTP. He would always say that anything philosophical or abstract was really boring and basically asked me to not engage him in anything like that. We ended up having nothing to talk about. Among other reasons, it's something that killed the relationship. To be honest he was only interested in talking about himself, gossip or small talk. But I never told him how boring I found that...

[@violet18]

Reading your comment made me feel so validated. I work in a classroom with an ESTP woman and she's the only coworker that I interact with all day. She complains so much about anything and everything. She even complains about the buzzing sound that the screen makes when you turn it on. She's so hypocritical in the standards she has for others compared to herself. She doesn't give anybody any grace, but instead she jumps down people's throats at the slightest annoyance to her. She has straight up rolled her eyes at me before all because she had to resend an email.

[@matilda4406]

Ok it's official, you have spelled it out! On the ball. So relateable. Can only another INFJ understand an INFJ ? You are the only INFJ male I know. I just did the personality hacker quiz and came out INFJ... now need to percolate on that..

[@lifeofmim]

Your video quality is so amazing.

[@jjwhite2000]

I'm kind of new to Myers Briggs, but after reading up on the functions, taking several tests, etc, I'm really thinking I'm an INFJ. Most everything in the video resonated with me, except maybe the part about liking to be asked why. Maybe it's because I have been asked why in a challenging tone too many times, and I feel like I'm being put on the spot to defend my decisions. I don't feel like I do things for a single reason, so when someone asks me why, I really have to think. It's like I do things based on a feeling that it is the right thing to do, and that feeling is based on hundreds of different pros and cons that I subconsciously use to make that decision. When someone asks me why, I start trying to think of all the million pros and cons and why I decided why the pros outweighed the cons, which isn't easy... and who wants to hear all that? Lol

[@beckywarren7732]

Wanna piss me off, be manipulating or try to be intimidating.

[@robinjacob1294]

Every word clearly articulated. 👍

[@patforden2365]

Listening to this suddenly gave me perspective on why the behavior of my neighbors has been upsetting me and troubling me so much. Normally I have not interacted with neighbors but the 2020 covid thing brought us into closer contact. As I listened to the list I copied it and could put at least one neighbor's name next to it. Wow, no wonder I have been feeling so lousy. It bolstered me to intensify my efforts to keep minimal contact with these folks for my own sanity and to get out and get away from my residence as much as I can tolerate, tho I am a major homebody. These videos are great!

[@MA-vf2ir]

YES!!! I also relocate bugs! - fellow INFJ

[@Gigi-wo8yv]

So do I. Thanks for sharing that! Doesn't it feel good, when we put an insect outside. I think the insect is happy also!!!

[@user-dn8hd1de2d]

Yes, yes and yes ! Interrupting me when I work, dismissing me, attempts at manipulations (when I can already sense and pick up another agenda with a person), the "we've always done it this way" reason, for anything, walking away after you've asked me a question (Omg this one so astonishes me), ...and on and on . I would also add that any of these 13 things -if done first thing in the morning -are a real turn off. I need my quiet time. That is, unless you want to tell me about a dream you had last night....then I'm all in ! :-) Clay you've really validated my day ! :-) LoL. Thanks !

[@rubyroseevenstar2149]

INFJ- Yes- True to all of this! Excellent alternate view video for a Valentine's post.

[@jimboarmour4755]

I killed a spider the other night. Felt sooo bad after. It was just watching me, but from too close for comfort. Its below zero outside though, so I did it humanely. Still felt bad for about 10 mins, as I saw life through its 8 eyes.

[@L3onOfKings]

I have a spider capturing container with a lid, if it's wet or cold outside I'll put it outside under the house in following morning. If it's a nice day or night, I'll release it straight away of course. My housemate is ESTJ so he has no problem in killing things, so if I see a spider in the bathroom or throughout the house, I have to quickly capture it before he sees it to either kill it or vacuum it. In short, get yourself a spider capturing container!

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

@@L3onOfKings do you have an image of this container? Spiders are too fast for me.

[@MeeCee5204]

Be closed minded Be coy or vague Be fake humble Be wilfully ignorant Be unpredictable Be purposely difficult Be overly judgemental Be selfishly opportunistic

[@deconteeko7446]

I often feel misunderstood by many people (even people close to me). The phrase, “At the end of the day…” rubs me wrong (I want to know what happened during the course of the day. How did you get to the end?). I can’t stand being interrupted (I must finish what I started). I don’t like playing the guessing game (I’m not a mind reader, please don’t shut down on me). I enjoy serving and lifting people up but I don’t want to be around them all the time (I need my space. I value peace and quiet). I don’t do well with arrogant people. I get annoyed by empty flatteries (please don’t blow smoke up my ass). I’m guided by my initiation. I question religion. Yes, I am an INFJ-A.

[@PlazDreamweaver]

Your 4th topic really hit home. It seems like less and less people care about what's behind the surface. That disinterest and walking away have been a struggle having to deal with. When people walk away like that, I just think "Oh, welp, I'm done with you then." It's disappointing, and over time, it's exhausting and upsetting. It also makes it incredibly difficult to open up to people when I already have a difficult time doing that. I've also been dealing with people breaking my focus and forcing me to restart, and people not allowing me to implement my better ideas on certain things that clearly aren't as good as they could be, or are just plain bad. It's been increasingly frustrating at work.

[@PlazDreamweaver]

Number 9 also hit home more than I'd wish. People who rush me to make decisions don't let me think about it. My last relationship, my job, etc. I feel like adopting a similar policy of yours; "If I'm pressured into doing something or making a decision, the answer is no/I'll walk away." I think I would also need to make that clear at first. If they don't respect my boundaries, then they don't respect my time. I think that could be helpful.

[@PlazDreamweaver]

I've grown up caring for others and wanting to help make the world a better place, and all I've heard was "You need to focus on yourself, don't worry about the world." I still want and try to do that, but now, when I'm at a point in my life where I really need to find my direction and my path, and who I am, I'm being forced to compromise my time for people who don't respect it in the first place. "Exhausting," "frustrating," and "overwhelming" wouldn't do what this makes me go through justice. It just feels like the sky is spinning out of control. I know my values, I know my goals, and I know who I wish to be, but I don't know who PlazTM _is..._ in the present. And I think I have to find that out to move forward, but the whole world seems to not want that. Ugh!!

[@tutu3909]

This is so strange I recently took a spider out on my balcony because I refused to kill it, and I did the same with a moth that was flying in my kitchen for a while. Might I add I love your videos and I have never felt more understood by someone, I feel lost at times around people because I am an empath, it's really hard to take that all in and people expect us to be ok.....

[@dovilegrickeviciute378]

Being pushy with me. Being very egoistic (no-maskers, I'm looking at you) Some very serious moral values clashes (I don't think I could ever view a hunter positively)

[@lorraine8962]

Spot on - find the layers of meaning within all things!!! I feel like a lone cosmonaut most of the time, going where no one has gone before, in exploration of theories. My mind naturally does that. I found that many of them are bs, used as marketing tools. Picking up on the personality and motives of others happens in lightning speed.

[@mickeysammy5169]

You are describing my 40 year old marriage with a covert narcissist. I wasted most of my life, by staying with someone I met as a child. I look forward to a healthy relationship in the future with another INFJ.

[@getreadywithmemamma]

With this title, the anthropsychologist in me had to click. Gosh, this made me sad. You have put up with too much. I wish authentic, smart, caring people your way. 🙌🏼

[@elmehdisaniss2731]

My estj mom was dismessing and disvalueing my ideas and passions all the time. I hated her for that, but now she is more careful and respectful after our debate and confrontation about her behaviour of course !

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

The most important ( and annoying and relationship-limiting ) thing, that is also the most every-day, casual thing is this: "different viewpoints and perspectives". Like most people expect us to "just sit there and agree" with their values, beliefs and concepts, in a "Fe-manner", and oh believe me, I do get their "POV" and empathize and often agree with it, but when people get "upset" or dry and hard against you ( I can just tell, it doesn't even have to be spoken out to me ) because I/we want to expand, bring nuance and perspective in the further consideration, and not just "yes, agree" or "I feel you" but REALLY want to help and be with someone by expanding our awareness on the matter at hand together.. that is a nuisance, so limiting. In my case, I bring more perspectives to the thing, that "there is more to it" and "have you considered this in your assessment, of which you form your beliefs, consciously or unconsciously?" I want to deep dive and get clean and real on matters, whether it is of my own experiences and whatever, or in conversing and listening to another. I can't stand staying on the surface of beliefs, concepts, feelings and whatnot. There is a space for that, and that is intuitively felt and feels amazing, but that is NOT all the time. Without expanding the matter, to PLAY and unite with further investigation and have some shared "objectivity" on something, instead of "seemingly having to people please", even just slightly, because someone gets uncomfortable, aggressive, changing in energy towards you because you "don't seem to agree, or understand" what they are saying, when I do, more than anyone they know. I just don't want to "stop there", when it is still limited and too biased. I want to explore, expand on our "shit" together. It is fun, insightful and leads to things of ACTUAL value, in the relationship and for the person/individual. Otherwise it just repetition and constant empathy and taking other's stuff in, without having to "play" and mind-stimulate and get some deeper, broader perspectives in place. People are being to "tied to what they already belief and it is set in stone", and then I cannot naturally use my "Ti", Ni-Ti together, without many types of people thinking that "I am against them" for ADDING something, or ASKING something about a particular thing they are saying. I simply want to UNDERSTAND them for real, and go deeper within each of our minds and hearts. It is nothing personal "against" someone whatsoever when I ask for definitions, clarifying, expanding on something. I don't like to take things at face value and "just believe and agree" with the first thing spoken on a matter. It is useless and a waste of time. Feels like early adulthood, or teenage year level of "real connection and sharing" to me. Don't like to feel like I am "stepping on people's toes" for "being the devils advocate", when I am genuinely interested and VERY MUCH CAPABLE of both helping the other in a true way, bringing more into perspective and for long-term benefit. I cannot do that, be natural fully, when there are eggshells lying around the corners and feelings and beliefs and whatnot in people's inner space. They have NOTHING to defend from me. I am not attacking. Boils down to being misunderstood when "really being me", because people are too impatient and many a times too insecure to "go deeper" and see where it leads, and the effects and benefits of actually not just staying on the "surface". Hard to explain. But this is the biggest problem I have with all human connection. People just seem to die inside and be irritated and COMPLETELY Misunderstand the "Ti-reasoning" with the Ni-foresight and intuitiveness, that is SERVING the Fe for the both of us.

[@jaimiehorton9669]

The person I just left did every one of these things 😅 I'm a sucker for a list video, that was fun, thanks!

[@Gio-sx7kt]

One of the things that bugs me in a lot of mbti discussions is the perpetuated idea that trapping a spider to put outside is of the Fi function, an Fi value, but I was always the one wanting to save and trap spiders to put outside, which I felt a product of my Fe-Se functions, while my INFP ex would just kill it, which I felt attached to his Si-Te. And well he's my ex for a lot if not all of these very reasons. The breaking point was when he told me it wasn't ok for me to be me anymore. I should've left sooner, but I felt conflicted, and I think maybe that was a product of my Fi blindness, and Fe desire to accept people as they are, but I'm still trying to figure it out. I just know that there are solid reasons to keep that door shut.

[@Elletorryshred]

We definitely love asking why?! And some people find that so intrusive, when we are just curious and want to understand them properly, deeply.

[@valerielinares2068]

As an INFJ, I always sort of wondered why my ENTP guy best friend had a crush on me in the first two years of our friendship. After hearing your first point, that sheds a little bit of a light on it.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

10:12 EXACTLY: Nothing is more limiting and making me want to spend even more time alone than "this". Can't ask or get into, or question things without people thinking one is "against them" or disagreeing with them. I am not against or disagreeing, with my own stuff or theirs, I just want to make the energy and time worthwhile, investigate. Looking at ALL sides, not just what I believe and think is right. I want the perspectives, the clarity, the reality, not just the "seemings" of things. We ain't getting anywhere as a human race from that.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

"What are your reasons/reasoning behind your concept/belief/whatever?" Other person; " I don't need any." Or/and: " Why are you so annoying, why are you questioning me, don't your trust me?" Or anything alike. It has NOTHING to do with my question that is based on curiosity and the genuine interest to understand and evolve, for self and other. Just because one wants to understand, go deeper, question and whatever, doesn't mean (whatsoever) that I am not "for you, or with you". Has nothing to do with one another. One can be of sympathy and use logic and the intellect at the same time.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

In short: The problem is that people misunderstand and misjudge our/my intention of "adding more" to whatever it may be. It feels to me like a lack of true trust, as though I am not doing anything I do FOR them.

[@Calla0001]

Nailed it, excellent examples

[@dottie_mayfield]

After erasing too many compliments... bigger QUESTION! How did you, come to the thought process, the reason you chose to go with this particular (perspective ?) Meaning, How not to attract the INFJ? Obviously this was an amazing and refreshing fun delivery especially on a self reflection journey. I just really appreciated the breakdown of it all. I personally just woke up after sleep waking through life. . long story. Learning a bit more about what the INFJ strengths are after solid convincing 👌.. I was here for everyone's needs but my own. With the added bonus of that being built in ... so thank you for this! Gonna go stalk your other videos for help lol

[@Glitteryglows]

My goodness this is so true to me! Spot on. Especially the logical contradiction, and the small talk all the time 😴

[@TK-kf8zc]

Yes, passive agression does stimulate our overthinking, and it is stressful, exhausting and makes us distrustful.

[@achtube85]

Man, you hit the nail on the head again. Great content and great quality as always!

[@bike6776]

This is a great video! It is like you are going into my brain and explaining what I could not have explained to this day😁 I will save it to utilize wherever I need to explain myself. Thank you!🙏🏻😊

[@weekeat3726]

Please dont do this anyone no matter what personality you are. Be loving and care for each other. Im INFJ and some of the layout steps done have cause me to fall into depression and almost took my life.

[@Ella-qg4bq]

Generally INxx types are super picky as observers. 😊

[@Eyesofanenigmaticsoul]

So wonderfully put. Thank you 🙂

[@sirrenn1936]

The only thing I disagree with is this, the spider, first if someone else is around, they take care of said spider otherwise it's a can of Raid.

[@aishiasenior2617]

Exactly - lol!

[@oliviarinaldi5963]

I love how you are so spot on with everything, at least from my POV.

[@RaeLarz]

As an INFP who dated an INFJ, this video is very helpful on both fronts! The only thing I DON'T relate to here, is I have a tendency to enjoy impulsive decisions

[@unknownuser4024]

Feels like a "Guide on How to Date Clay..." :'D Nice to see a guy who knows himself...thats an INFJ for ya! Still great, accurate content!

[@mymysticalwisdom3309]

I’d be happy to date Clay if he were (a) single (b) lived in London England 😁

[@BrighterLifeInstitute]

Hi Clay, I kept wondering throughout this video that perhaps you are an INTJ instead of an INFJ since I don't recognize any of the 11 things that are said to turn off an INFJ here, but I can definitely identify those 11 things as things that will irritate an INTJ. According to my experience and perspective, a genuine INFJ will be turned off by problems that are directly related to the personality and core beliefs of the person, a lack of authenticity is core in INFJ concern in relating with others and the world. INFJs who are inborn with strong moral principles and core values, nearly in a religious sense. Any INFJ can be turned off by the word "FAKE," especially when it refers to fake individuals or fake personalities. INFJs who are able to read people and detect fake can't stand it. I'm surprised this wasn't brought up because this personality type is fundamentally about seeking genuine connections. I disagree that if the other person doesn't exhibit interest in them, an INFJ will get disinterested. This is untrue since, in most cases, INFJs function as listeners and comprehend what is happening with that person before they even realize it. INFJs are able to delve deeply into people and connect with their feelings even after the conversation has ended. Although INFJs require their alone time, they will not be deterred by interruptions from those they care about. I believe you are an INTJ, not an INFJ. The biggest turn-off for an INFJ is to be forced to connect with people they don't like or feel are fake. INFJ have zero tolerance to FAKE their connection with others. Forcing a connection to an INFJ will always backfire fast. Having a partner that has no morality and no values regarding good and bad will turn off and disappoint an INFJ. For example, a partner who thinks that cheating is cool won't pass for an INFJ and will cause a breakup in the connection. Having a friend that is jealous or has bad intentions towards the INFJ will be detected immediately by the INFJ and will instead the INFJ to punish emotionally that person. INFJ knows how to open wounds or cause deep wounds to other people; they rarely do, but betrayal and con artists avoid INFJ at all costs. True connection matters very much to this personality type. The Zodiac sign of Scoprio that is a water sign is a deep individual that is often linked to darkness. Well, INFJ got no problem to deep dive in the dark because their goal is to battle darkness at its core. For this, it is required for INFJ to go deep and in details. INFJ is light, and it attracts not only good people, but it also seems to attract bad intentional people. INFJ laughs at the darkness as they see it clearly INFJ is the defender of the weak; they will stand by the weak no matter what; they will lead and show those who feel weak to become strong; they are a real threat to manipulators; they are drawn to pure souls and good people; they have a strong bond with children, animals, and the vulnerable; they are not put off by bad darkness but rather laughed at it.

[@shynicorn3193]

Thank you, perfect examples and the crazy part is we feel like we pit up with or compromise constantly. Those are our crumb demands to feel loved and valued. Especially the road trip or inviting others, always disappointing but they do it because we are to intense to completely be alone with.

[@miss_jane]

Nailed it! Every point you mentioned would piss me off.

[@RIGID01]

My greatest friction point is seeing narcissistic behavior: if I notice a person trying to steal the spotlight for themselves, I can’t help but categorize them as a very low class of person, like emotional bulls in a china shop.

[@Shanna1215]

High-pressure sales: GREAT way to piss me off! Nice Nietzsche reference... "A means to and end." Being a very generous person, when someone tries to monopolize my generosity there's a very high probability of me going nuclear.

[@equalitarianbiologist2327]

Waw us INFJ can easily become baffled and intriguing nagging in our energies towards other human being personalities. I find that cringey as I don't wanna hurt or worsen another person. It's good to screen if the other person is capacitated mentally to scrutinize their own behaviors. Most people are still sleeping, spiritually. Indigo adult's intelligence is us. Yet we have to not step on others. ♡

[@heatherhafer3333]

I told an ENTJ salesman that I don't respond to high pressure sales or manipulatoon i.e. discounts if you purchase now. I thought I waa the only one who spoke this way! Ha ha!

[@aly7754]

The end and means part is so true. I have been debating with my ISFJ bestie for years (eventually we just accepted we’re different) on this issue. I think the means is as important as the end but she thinks only the end matters.

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

I hope this video is useful for those who do not want to attract an INFJ :P

[@mysterical-]

me too! because then they won't think to bother us. but part of me thinks, what if its best to bring them to us, so they won't bother anybody else lmao.

[@rebeccacirillo2494]

That's why I watched it 😅

[@ohyeah2269]

mann as an ENFP everything you mentioned were huge turn-offs to me. Things I also wouldn't appreciate though I'd have tolerance for those things. No wonder we love INFJs and sure INTJs cause I very much resonate with them probably not liking the above experiences.

[@cybdraws]

As an INFJ, my soul just left my body after watching this video

[@crystalhartman8035]

Relate to this 100%. Some people never understand. DO NOT interrupt me when I am in my zone. Do not force me to make high pressure decisions short notice. Don't make waffle talk at me; be genuine or be silent. Do NOT lie to me.

[@zionnoel]

He said, about constantly interrupting, "it's easy☺️💛" -- that was really funny and amusing to me. :) I wanted to provide an insightful/resonant comment on a deeper level, but I have a lot of tasks I am meant to focus on today and I know I can't presently put in the time and energy to really contribute in terms of discussing "vocally" (over the keyboard), so this will have to be my leetle bit of involvement this time around ;) So much to say:( and today . . . I shall just recognize from within:) Blessings 🤗💛☺️

[@rawgosia]

Hi all fellow INFJ 🕷 catchers! ❤️ I like to catch and release 🪰 too. ☺️

[@debbievermilyea4037]

I agree with everything you said. I especially dislike small talk. Who cares? It's so superficial and shallow. I like learning how people think., what their passions are and what life experiences have taught them. One on one time with another introvert is heaven. I thought I was the only person in the world who didn't like to be dismissed mid sentence or talked over. We are sensitive to others and I guess we naturally expect the same from people. It's hard not to have expectations when we're talking common courtesies. I could go on and on about each point you made but suffice it to say, it would be redundant! Great and thorough job! Bravo!!

[@BasiliskInTheSky]

wow!!! u know what? Im gonna make a list of these points and turn it into a game. Im gonna count during the day how many times these are hit instead of being touchy ( u know..in a silent, handsome, masculine way :) and caught off guard. I imagine it'll make room for me to even have a sense of humor during the nightmare-ish event.

[@ItsNicola]

I'm an INFJ and I find emotionally unable people highly intriguing, I consider it an unsolved puzzle I have to crack

[@thesinigang]

Everything you mentioned really hurts and annoying. 😭😭🤣😂😂😂

[@saranox7319]

Any abusive or close minded behaviours. Lie to me (that's an insult becuase I'm not judgemental becuase I see all sides, and it shows how little you know or trust me). Be manipulative. Be aggressive. Gaslight me. Blame shift. Try to intimidate me. Be led by soely emotion. Have double-standarts. Repeatedly try to push my boundaries. Label me as "negativ" or complaining. (When I am disecting a social construct or behaviors.) Call me boring (cause you can't comprehend my side of the conversation) Be a trashy person and only contacting me at late hours when bored or I'm convinient. Show up to our meet ups without sleeping the night before, (that's disrespectful to the quality time I am looking for and to me.) Never provide any emotional support and refer to "independant strong woman" when I ask for support. Be all ego. Don't put any effort into self-reflection or improvement.

[@retrogradepink]

i'd add: unsolicited advice! if an INFJ tells you about some fanciful idea they just had, the best way to instantly crush their enthusiasm is by telling them that they *should* really do X, Y, Z with that idea. happens all the time with my ENTJ boyfriend. he loves to hear my ideas, and then tell me i should be acting on them, when all i really want is to express my ideas. ugh.

[@MVPA-io5ee]

I can relate even from the first opinion... When INFJ heard 1 statement from someone and decide we don't want anything to do with them ..😂😂

[@ma_ja1744]

I think i am more an INTJ, but this explained a lot to me why i react to things like i do. INTJ would kill the spider, yes? ;-)

[@Color.Me.Aqua.]

Cluttery/messy/visual chaos and people who constantly have to have noise around them from the minute they wake up until the time they go to bed. These are completely intolerable and I can't function in that environment.

[@karolina3203]

The spider thing was on point haha though it's not just with spiders and bugs, we have cats and they bring rats and mice inside the house, my dad usually kills them if they're still alive but when I notice a mouse or rat that is alive, I catch it and take outside. My family doesn't get it because "we have cats so they can catch mice and rats" but, in my eyes, we have them just to exist side by side with us and make it more enjoyable to live, which seems like something not many people around me understand.. Though anyway, loved the video, all your videos are so cool and it feels great to feel understood haha thank you!

[@uckBayNguyen]

Loud people. Loud laughter that can echo off walls. Anything loud that is inescapable. Penetrating megaphone mouth