Co-Parenting With a Covert Narcissist - (Narcissist Channels)

This Video discusses what it's like to co-parent with a Narcissist, particularly a Covert Narcissist who can easily disguise itself as a 'Great Mum or Dad' wearing a parent of the year type mask that is totally the opposite of the truth. We look at how to combat their narcissism for the welfare of joint children.
Coaching Enquiries - [e-mail]
Audio Only version now available on all major Podcast Hosting Platforms search (narc con)

[@philmorrison6898]

I stayed married to a narcissist because of my children! I thought things would get better, those rose colored glasses failed me! 2 years 2 months no contact! Solitude is helping me to remember who I am! Thank You!

[@taneyat6_33]

I love the suggestion of the positive reinforcement for the sake of children. Let's be honest the narc is subhuman whether their positive traits are non-authentic or not, really won't matter after you've gotten out of the relationship. They are kind of like lil toddlers or dogs waiting on a snack or doggie treat instead give them praise & admiration for those things they actually do. If it creates more peace for my child I will swallow my pride.

[@wendysayers3080]

Hi Paula, another great video thanks. I had no idea what i was getting myself into when i married a Covert narcissist whose Ex wife, of his 4 children, a Malignant Narcissist. She was cruel and controlling, he was weak and pathetic. I took on the role of step mum to an 11year old girl, 18 year old boy, two more girls 20 and 22 years. I never understood why my husband would always allow his ex wife to control him saying he didn't like confrontation. Everything that happened affected me indirectly concerning the children. I know now that the 2 eldest girls are Narcissists and the boy a Covert like his dad. Subsequently I am now divorced due to his children turning against me which led him to Covertly grooming a new supply. I am now, after much pain and trauma, enjoying a great life but know that these terrible human beings are still destroying GOOD people's lives.

[@marie-francemercier7800]

Thanks Paula! As a reference, there is a great book out there on this subject called : “Divorce poison”, by Dr. Richard Warshak. I highly recommend and encourage parents who are caught up in these toxic dynamics to read it. It changes everything. Light and love to all!

[@NarcCon]

Thanks for that recommendation ❤️

[@lalulaz9017]

Don't give them anything to use against you. I mean they will probably find something 🙄 but you know what's really important, keep checking in with yourself and asking yourself if you are being true to your own values and the way you want to live your life. That will reflect on your children too 💓 Also take time to focus on your health and wellbeing. It's too easy to neglect yourself as a parent, especially in this situation. The more you can let your light shine through the more it will become the light your children can follow 💓

[@NarcCon]

👍

[@evasmejkal8982]

Just spoke with a client about this exact thing! He’s going through this as a co parent… very sad place and yes traumatizing!!

[@Ilikethewaycatsmeow]

I'm in the middle of a nightmare trying to Co parent with a cold, cruel narcissist. He won't lead or drive and the children have been stuck in the middle. I have to cut him off he is so toxic and won't pay and won't even discuss the children, refuses to help out. I'm juggling a teaching career and rearing 3 children through this. X

[@NarcCon]

Court for payment? 🌹

[@taneyat6_33]

Yeah maybe get child support.

[@danilhino]

Very great content and wisdom. I had a female co-worker, strong attention seeking for 2 months very covert and playing the victim. Made me unease in private with her. She pretends to be single but talk subtlety about male friends “covert triangulation” trying to make me jealous. I’m not weak, needy or desperate about sex, 4 dates, no sex as I felt danger in my gut feeling “Fakeness, dark emptiness, smirking” and more frightening at one time, felt her predatory look and demonic presence at her apartment, like feeling a shadow. 8 months no contact, she did a covert hoover last June just looking at my social media. This type of female narcissist with the Jezebel spirit “sneaky snake” uses sex as a weapon for control. Mentioned me subtlety about 3 so-called male friends, 1 guy with serious loss weight problems, tempered with 2 men professional careers. I discovered that I have high empathic personality and thank god for protecting my soul. She even mentioned me of her being afraid about me getting too close to her. The Narcissist seeks revenge and the Empath seeks justice by healing broken people, some battles are not worth fighting for and the narcissist knows it. Can you make a video about this type of female covert/introvert narcissist?

[@philmorrison6898]

Take it from me my friend! Listen to your intuition, don’t make the same mistake I did! Once the little head does the Texas two step with a narcissist, the big head stops working! Run, run as fast as you can! A narcissist took everything I had and almost my life!

[@ShaisTime]

Wow I needed this video SO BAD !! There’s not many videos on coparenting with a evil covert narcissist 😭

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹🌹

[@thesecrettragedyclothingco7194]

Ive got two days until final court hearing. 9 months without contact with my son so far. Will get back to my own channel soon. Just by starting a you tube channel got my enemies very annoyed. Been suffering but I see the light and im almost back with my child in my arms. Good luck to good people. I have a question..... im sure if I was to tell my story the legal costs would kill me. I feel silenced already. How does the law work on that. One fight at a time I guess. The path ive walked is extreme and would make a text book reference point to every single video ever made on narcissism. Im still here... im alive... I have survived 3 extremely narcissistic people attacking me at the same time. The first two got destroyed in style. My diary for that year is a work of art. Its nailed shut with two nails. One with complacency written on it and the other says selective honesty. I realise now that I only needed one nail to keep that cursed thing shut. It takes one nail to ruin a relation ship. A nail with narcissist written on it. Good luck to good people. When you level up you'll realise what once felt like a curse ends up a blessing. The universe opens up a secret when your abused like this.

[@marie-francemercier7800]

Read “Divorce poison” by Richard Warshak. That book is chuck full of useful information for co-parenting with a narc.

[@rsbrinkman9168]

It's heart breaking when children are involved as nothing other than their false image is sacred to the personality disordered. My councillor told me 4 years ago , that I needed to prepare , as the day would come I would understand the need to cut ties with my daughter. I could never see that happening ? Well here the other day , I informed my daughter ( adult daughter ) I don't, nor can I live in that world anymore ! And I can't! How did the councillor know ? Not that hard when you understand covert narcissists , and the insidious ways they operate. Never the less it's heart breaking watching your child take the wrong road , still wanting you there for the assurance, and stability, but when they pick up on that easy way , and learn manipulation, emotional black mail , and deception gets them what they want . She was very confident about it, what she wasn't expecting was hearing NO ! Not here , not this time , in fact not ever !

[@travelerwalker4961]

I am completely alienated from my youngest child due to Narcissism. Mother got full custody and successfully villanized me. I guess I could have fought harder, but would have been a losing battle. That was back in 2005 before all this information came out.

[@alkemy9279]

They will come back to you one day.

[@sarasol4677]

Another excellent video, Paula! Great message. Thank you!

[@user-oj3vb6ce8s]

There is something so great about being a Mum of boys. I have two wonderful lads. I’m really outdoorsy and love sport. The fact I was discarded and left to lone parent them was made so much easier by the fact they are really boyish boys. We have had sooo many adventures and I’ve been taken aback by how loving boys are. Their Dad is a neglectful type of narcissistic parent, only seeing them to meet his needs. He does take them for odd days out, but withholds from them and is mean to the point where it’s made very clear to them. Low expectations of parents like this is a must. Supporting your children in knowing it’s not them is also important

[@user-oj3vb6ce8s]

I kept a diary and I screen shot messages. It added weight to my claim that my ex wasn’t truthful in proceedings. It showed he wasn’t committed to contact, but would use the courts to control me. He lost some of his contact due to showing he was difficult and not focused on the boys needs. Proceedings he started led to him losing some contact. The irony!

[@annenoir9409]

My mother is a narcissist. It's been a tragedy and she should have never had kids

[@gstar1229]

So true Paula. Great video. 🌻

[@jules5501]

Hi :) thank you for your videos, theyre helping me reach acceptance...hopefully...finally...maybe.. :- I 'd love if you could make a video on how to explain this horrific relationship/narcissistic abuse/narcissism, to my friends or family - who have seen only a tiny bit of the abuse, (like yelling at times, or storming off after a rage - that of course, was' my fault'), but who have NO IDEA how bad it really was. I've pretty much been trying to hide the abuse for 4 years, and so no one really knows what it was like. and to sit there and try to explain it all just seems so overwhelming, i wouldnt even know where to start.....and id love to hav a video that just kinda sums it all up, what they do, how they abuse, what they think, etc...like i know you and everyone has alot of videos on all the different things they do, but i mean more like a video that sums it all up, to show what you go through in one of these relationships, since you dont want to make them sit through thousands of hours of videos ( like we do lol,) to get some undersanding. Im asking because he discarded me over a year ago now, and we have a 2 and a 3 year old together, and things are just getting worse with time, and he keeps doing things that i never wanted to beleive hed do..... and im afraid we may end up having to go to court and get things like $, custody agreements settled....and i really ddint want to have to go through taht, and im sure ill need support - so in order to do that, they kind of have to be educated a little bit on how narcs are, (not just 'hes a jerk/asshole with an attitude problem), how dangerous evil and manipulative they can be, and kind of what im up against. I hope this message made sense, sorry im in a rush to have a shower before any kids wake up lol. thank alot, Julie

[@evasmejkal8982]

Perfectly said Paula…. I see this with parents all the time.. it’s extremely difficult for the healthy parent

[@stephaniemacias3445]

"different ppl have different ways of doing things" "this is how _______ does it" 🙈 ...this teaches children to accept societal rudeness as normal. it teaches a new/younger generation that bullies are acceptable.

[@happyhealthyblessed]

Thank you Paula ❤

[@belladonna70]

thank you so much you are very caring we need you x

[@pamelariley6381]

Thank you ❤

[@lovejoy4465]

Abuse should also include Discarding…Silent treatments not just physical or sexual Because most of the time it’s Mental and emotional abuse when these fathers or mothers pop in and out

[@pamelariley6381]

Pls re visit co parenting it is so helpful ❤

[@lynnh4786]

When I went through this I kept documenting everything. Even when his girlfriend & I were doing the arrangements for visitation he threw fits. 1 time on Christmas even calling the police because he tried to say that I was supposed to drop our daughter off when the arrangements were for him to pick her up. When she stopped wanting to go at all he took me to court cost me 8k fighting in court for 2 years for him to do everything to irritate the situation to his actually being drug tested (failed) after 2 meetings w attorneys for mediation-then ending up w supervised visitations which he refused. Kept calling the house he hung up on my 12 year old daughter never followed through on the visitation. My daughter actually accepted it saw him for what he was. Then I got accused of not letting him see her. It was all dreadful. He showed his true colors. All the way. The court saw through him but sometimes the court gets it wrong they don’t understand this issue. Anyone going through this document everything period. Also you more than likely need to access the police calls on there current relationships I had many reports from police that greatly helped my case to see what type parent/person I was dealing with. Thanks sweetheart for the message I hope this helps someone.

[@hrendon7689]

Paula hello from México. What to do when the she devil turns the kids against the father?

[@NarcCon]

Very difficult but stick with it, don’t react or discuss with kids..remain true to yourself, children often see more than we think…keep up contact or if they don’t want to see you, let them know by whatever means you can that your there for them..attend any parental appointments etc

[@Yoyo_Bro]

Unfortunately this is heavily weighted towards the part time parent being the narcissist, and in most cases is male. The mother and full time parent of my children is a controlling covert narcissist and turns my kids against me at any opportunity she can. There is never enough help for male victims in this situation and it’s incredibly difficult to find the help we desperately need.

[@daquancoleman8096]

Wow this video is mind blowing . Today at 6pm I was just told she can't bring our daughter to dance class at 445pm tmr ( which she agreed to do so once per week) due to her 4pm meeting. 10hrs notice isn't enough and I didn't even get into any discussion. Left it blank and I know I have to just not leave her responsible and give her the opportunity to try and receive a reaction out of me.

[@NarcCon]

Document missed appointments etc..some day you may use this as evidence to prevent this type of thing happening in the future

[@daquancoleman8096]

@@NarcCon correct will do thank you!!

[@samhassan9448]

Is this narcissist tho??? Like I’ve had to do this pretty last minute

[@daquancoleman8096]

@@samhassan9448 She would use the children to get a emotional response from me. ( Even if it means to skip their dance class I pay for keep them absent from school. It's more than just a last minute thing to a narcissist. She knows it'll get to me more than herself she will do whatever necessary

[@cheryldee95]

They are truly vindictive throughout the legal process, and will even try to hold you accountable when their ‘adult’ children begin to distance themselves from them and their manipulative ways. Anything, to come across as the victim, rather than the antagonist. And if they can find a lawyer who is willing to participate in ‘abuse by proxy’…in exchange for legal fees…they absolutely will. They would truly rather give the matrimonial assets to the legal system - in attempt to to screw you (and the children) out of the money, that to simply split the assets like a mature adult, and according to the legal system. Their true immature character is exposed full force during this process, and is astonishing to realize the antagonistic monster that has always hidden behind the mask.

[@ke4333]

Do you think that a male narcissist will stay close to a grown female child in the event they run out of "primary partner supply" so she will care for him as he ages? Does he intentionally cause problems between his "intimate partner" and daughter in the event he needs to discard partner, daughter will take his "side" and care for his needs?

[@NarcCon]

Big yes to all of your questions unfortunately yes

[@superpiccirillo]

It's always someone elses fault

[@christinehow3595]

Hi Paula . Love your site but this one is not for me 😁 I'm still watching your site ok

[@simonfidler696]

I have tried to get help for my son, but the authorities in uk are bloody useless

[@NarcCon]

Sorry to hear Simon…