Congrats to this Movie for having the DUMBEST characters in the universe - ALIEN COVENANT

Here is my review of ALIEN COVENANT and every silly decision these characters make on an ALIEN PLANET THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN TO. I thought Prometheus was bad. Clearly, it has been a while since I have watched these Alien Prequels but dear me my.
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[@raven800plays]

The writers: "so these people who are supposed to colonize a specific planet go to this other planet to check out a random echo with no hazmat protection what so ever." The audience: "...why?" The writers: "stop asking so many fucking questions!"

[@Pawkesus]

because... YES

[@Tallacus]

And less then a decade later... We get the Lightyear movie!

[@Jared-ll3tt]

Because it's in the script

[@Alondro77]

Writer Guy, "I need you to get ALL THE WAY OFF MY BACK ABOUT THIS!!" Audience Guy, "Whoahhhh, let me get offa that thing!"

[@andreafraustoz]

agree Raven, this movie is an offensive insult to anyone who easily scared of horror flicks

[@bounty_hunter101]

They called it a horror flic, but my family watched this film with the enthusiasm of a comedy.

[@morbidone88]

@@lavertymatt doubt it lol

[@Wulfxous]

Lmao

[@michaelferguson2130]

Ohn lawd every horror flix was killing us on the inside, it's the best way to watch horrors or we so scared even thrillers tickle our funny bones

[@nooneofimportance2110]

Yeah, this is the Weekend At Bernie's of sci-fi horror. I take that back, it's the Weekend At Bernie's 2 of sci-fi horror.

[@toothandclaw4347]

Lol

[@Alondro77]

The embryo scene at the beginning is absolute proof NO ONE on the production team asked any legit developmental biologists or medical experts for advice. The embryos would NOT be stored at such an advanced stage. They'd be MICROSCOPIC DOTS. They would also have been screened genetically. The malformed thing would NOT have been a possibility, because any mutation that would have resulted in such severe abnormality would be found BEFORE launch. The microscopic embryos would also be stored in liquid nitrogen. It was this single scene which told me.... this movie was made by idiots.

[@Alteori]

see i didn't even think about that LOL

[@TheReZisTLust]

Those are human being what are you talking about 🤮

[@Alondro77]

@@TheReZisTLust I'm talking about the embryos in storage that Android Boy is working on. Did you even watch the video? I am a research biologist. I store mammalian embryos in cryopreservation. We don't do it ANYTHING like that.

[@Alondro77]

@@Alteori This is the difference between modern GARBAGE and CLASSIC sci-fi, like "The Andromeda Strain". The REAL sci-fi writers consult the best minds of the time to find out HOW THINGS ACTUALLY WORK, so they can incorporate as much REAL science as they can, to maintain the aire of plausibility in their work. This movie was just like, "Hurrr durr, xenomorphs and androids equal profit!"

[@saltystick_99]

Something always felt iffy about human embryos just casually being stored like that to me and I didn't even know that it was worse than just that.

[@saltystick_99]

Fun fact: Neomorphs (the white aliens) don't have acidic blood. So even if the girl did not know if the Neomorph baby have acidic blood, *it would not have mattered considering she wouldn't have melted if she did attack it back*

[@thisguy954]

every time her voice goes high pitched, i always feel like she's about to explode with rage for these characters😂

[@usosaito.namahage]

The substitute captain claims he needed to be logical and then he turns around and is like "I have faith we were destined to discover this planet".

[@pondscum9363]

Alien Covenant is a statement on the human condition. When Chris slowly turned toward the camera and delivered his chilling one liner "It's Covenant time", and proceeded to aggressively beat everyone on his crew to death for disobeying his order to enter an undiscovered planet without any helmets or masks on, no one in the theater was able to contain their excitement. Everyone immediately jumped out of their seats and started covenanting, it was the most euphoric experience I ever had watching a movie. Of all the Alien films, this one was certainly the most recent.

[@cuppav2806]

Lmaooooo goddamnit not this one too

[@Alondro77]

Bah, this movie was SEVERELY inferior to "Morbin Time"!

[@Dan_Kanerva]

is this a Dunkey skit ? it sounds like Dunkey

[@zzodysseuszz]

@@Dan_Kanerva no it’s a morbius meme

[@Godzillaraier208]

Hek

[@Age_of_Apocalypse]

I totally agree with you Alteori! The characters were so bad that I was rooting for the bad guys - the aliens - in the movie! 🙏

[@mreast7512]

851 longwood drive haddonfield New Jersey

[@saintdundee3820]

the aliens are the protagonists, you are supposed to cheer them on.

[@mullaoslo]

The humans have been the bad guys since the start.. The xenos didn't go to Ripley, Wayland had them sent to the planet to pick it up, even having the Android override quarantine procedures.. The xenos just do what they do, it's the humans that keep Fucking with them

[@Ricobaca]

Who?

[@markzofcin9003]

I watched the entire movie with the air of "oh these idiots are dead dead"

[@Duster29to86]

Its one thing to have your expected idiots in a horror movie, but its just plain unforgivable when near everyone, including the mc, is just as stupid.

[@domidium]

Similarly to the first alien, most of these guys weren't scientists. In the first one, they were essentially truckers. In this one they're colonists. Frankly, these crews should have a lot more scientists on them, but not the kind they had in Resurrection.

[@Alondro77]

It made sense in "Alien" that there was merely one science officer on a random towing vessel that handled mining equipment and raw ore. In THIS movie, it makes NO sense at all that the entire crew clearly knew NOTHING about basic safety protocols. Remember, even in "Alien", the two tech crew were constantly demanding "WHY DON'T YOU JUST FREEZE HIM?!" Even THEY knew standard quarantine procedures, WHICH WERE DEVELOPED DURING THE APOLLO PROGRAM!! The only excuse is that Ridley Scott is a narcissistic hack who took a lot of credit for OTHER PEOPLES' writing and design work on the original "Alien".

[@raven800plays]

@@Alondro77 OMG someone finally put it into words. Thank you!

[@hermitcard4494]

TRAINING AND PREPARATION for all the situations they would obviously possible encounter, so they have at least the common sense of a teen studying science.

[@Bladezeromus]

I don't know if I agree with that line of logic. Like, why wouldn't the first wave of colonists also all be scientists and techies? How would they secured food and shelter or maintain operations? I'm thinking Interstellar. There was no one on that crew who didn't understand what was happening.

[@jimmydean7219]

I mean, at least in the first one there was this whole big controversy about letting people on board the ship and maintaining quarantine. This was…not as smart.

[@Alondro77]

When I was still afraid of spiders as a kid, I had a book marker in a book I was reading. I brought it into the car on a trip, so I could pass the time. Well, I opened the book... and there was a spider inside. And it jumped right onto my face. That was a freak out that should have been recorded for KZbin.

[@randomcenturion7264]

Yup. Knew it. These guys made the Prometheus crew look like...well, like the explorers and scientists they were supposed to be. And that med bay scene. Put some Benny Hill music in there, it fits right in.

[@r-claw0176]

Yep

[@chillax319]

These characters are too stupid to live, it's like they actively are trying to die.

[@SavouryGalette]

Put in Arkansas Traveller, and then it would be even more hilarious.

[@user-cl2tc5kd8k]

I always thought exactly the same about Benny Hill's music during this episode and many other moments while watching both films, and it turns out that there is such a video on youtube.)

[@randomcenturion7264]

@@user-cl2tc5kd8k Oh I got to see this :)

[@Pers0n97]

This movie is one of the best example of what happen when the people in charge of making "science fiction" just don't care at all about any science.

[@worsethanhitlerpt.2539]

Also have all the characters be Inter Racial couples and Gays doesnt make them interesting. The religious guy was really boring and annoying until he got killed

[@alexkogan9755]

More I think about it, Covenant might just eclipse Prometheus on the stupid spectrum. I don’t know why they didn’t just have it where the planet the colony ship was supposed to land on by coincidence end up being the Engineer home world. Would’ve made for less headaches, really. And speaking of which, gotta love how the Engineers ended up being made completely pointless since David basically wrote them out of whatever plot they may/may not have been meant for. Also David is probably one of the worst antagonists I’ve ever seen due to how pretentious he is.

[@Alondro77]

There's an EASY fix for this whole absurd opening: they're in hyper-space or whatever and the engine malfunctions. They get thrown off course and end up on the Engineer planet. A very plot-convenient coincidence, but not absurdly so. You could also toss in some gobblety-gook that Evil Android Guy had hacked stuff and directed the ship there, whatever. There were plenty of ways to make it not-stupid. Unfortunately, stupid people wrote it.

[@justinhammer3196]

Oh they eclipses it alright. It may be dumber than Rise of Skywalker.

[@saintcynicism2654]

@@justinhammer3196 I think you might be right. RoS was an absolutely spectacular waste of potential that basically took the legs out from under everything before it, but this disaster did the same. It just also happened to do the same thing to any movies that might follow by jettisoning the entire plot and killing off the heroes. Sure, the two survivors from this movie are alive *now*, but... David can't afford to let them live since he's been found out.

[@dr.calibrations7984]

​@Alondro77 Or just have the ship get damaged, they have to land to repair it. They scan the planet and it has breathable oxygen. Either the exo-suits are damaged, which would facilitate them not using any. Or they use them and over the course of the movie damage them to the point of uselessness. Or If the Christian character has to be a moron (because in Hollywood Christians have to be stupid) make him decide to land on the planet because it's his Christian duty to try and help a human in need. The song is evidence enough for him that a human is there. It's not like the Promethius mission could be kept secret. OR a mix of the 2. They have to land and the captain takes an away team to the origin of the signal in order to ascertain weather or not the song has any human or otherwise intelligent life behind it.

[@Tyler_W]

There were easy fixes to the story that they just didn't do for some reason. Makes me feel like this movie was based on a first draft. This movie's deoiction of faith and reason is really stupid. Only an antitheist could seriously portray it this way and actually believe it. Pay zero mind to the fact that modern science and the scientific method don't exist without Christianity or that "science." It's also not a basis for a stable, totalizing worldview because it's a tool meant for a specific purpose. If they actually wanted to explore these ideas, it should have had enough understanding of the issue that the conflict isn't between Christianity and "science," but rather Christianity and naturalism/materialism. Whatever. This movie felt really half baked, and the most interesting stuff happened in flashbacks.

[@MattSipka]

Not only would it make more sense for a crew to wear sealed suits and helmets, but it’s arguably Scarier when the alien can get inside your helmet regardless!!

[@Pers0n97]

Outside of the obvious "stupid characters doing stupid things" part of that movie, the thing that REALLY annoyed me is how the xenomorph was just needlessly different from the one we know in the fact that he didn't have a chestburster form, could mature in minutes and how face hugers could impregnate their hosts in seconds was just ... stupid and broke the believability of the alien itself by turning it into a magical creature. Also, I'm still scratching my head at what exact happen to Shaw. You see her corpse but the drawing david made had her face way more mangled for some reason.

[@Lenny_MidKnight]

Yeah the exploration part of the movie is just felt done right away because at least with the other movies they tried to stay somewhat competent but this "Yeah let's just put aside a mission that we been working towards for decade for one person on a strange planet with no sounds of life, with no helmets or mapping or space suits in the chance that the air could be carrying a pathogen that could kill us and the thousands of civilians on our ship" I am curious on how they selected this crew for the mission

[@treyrex5987]

Won't lie... this is one of the few movies where I felt actual disappointment as I was watching it when I first watched it and that's saying something. I've seen plenty of terrible, low budget movies with the weakest dialogue, shitty CGI, terribly written characters, plots that either make no sense or just flat over ridiculous... but Alien Covenant... that takes the cake. There is some fantastic ideas in this movie so it's not completely terrible in my eyes but disappointment is something that would hurt a film for me. If I'm not even halfway through it and I already feel like it's not doing a good job of what it's trying to do, then that's a problem.

[@ressljs]

I was SO disappointed with this film. I actually really liked Prometheus (even if there were a few dumb things in it), but Covenant threw out everything set up in the first movie. I'm assuming they intended for Naomi Rapace to come back and reprise her role, so I don't know what happened there. And all the Engineers did was show up long enough to die! What is that?! The only redeeming qualities of the movie was the Android David (one of the greatest villains ever) and the ending was an awesome set up for the third movie... Which will NEVER be made.

[@kbrelax1353]

The most terrifying thing in existence: human stupidity. Also what I don't understand: why monsters appear when the plot requires them to do so? For example: when they landed we at least should see something in the tall grass making it's way in to the far away from the noisey landing ship, or hear a screech or something. But NO! :(

[@CandyApples4ever]

That baby alien’s run looks like how a water lizard runs on water. It’s cool when you understand the why and how, but the lizard looks hilarious when you see it doing it

[@LauklynGorena]

Fun fact the novel of this movie actually confirms that David left Walter alive on planet 4

[@exorr81]

im surprised the beard guy didn't sneeze like a 100 times when he got a whiff from those black spores

[@jakubgavenda4774]

It was relatively okay when I saw this movie but oh those stupid characters especially the scene with the captain and the egg that was so stupid I nearly scratched my head. Also if that thing which damaged their ship at the start were neutrinos I don't think that's possible since neutrinos don't react with matter. Billions of them pass trough our bodies every second without us noticing it

[@BlueSpams]

I really love the range of movies you cover. I just appreciate when channels don’t stick with a specific category of shows they discuss and instead, like you, talk about whatever catches their interest

[@saintcynicism2654]

In fairness re: the protomorph attacking the crane arm : It likely still knew it was mechanical., but that doesn't mean it wouldn't attack it. Because both Xenomorphs and Protomorphs would attack synthetics if they were hostile. They only ignore them because they aren't food *IF* the synthetics aren't a threat to them or to the hive. The moment they decide they are, Xenomorphs will tear synthetics apart just as readily as they will people. The rest of it's pretty spot on though, everyone in this movie was just so, so, *so* dumb.

[@kevinpoe8137]

Movie logic: let’s throw out all semblance of reason, ration, and thought for the sake of plot Also, there’s a deleted scene of the xenomorph fighting and killing the neomorph

[@Thoutzan]

The movie can be saved by adding one setting: waking from hypersleep immaturely damage people's brains severly. Problem solved.

[@schwarzerritter5724]

"It's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed, alright? Although if you do feel alarmed, try to hold on to that feeling, because that is the appropriate reaction to being told you have brain damage."

[@shainewhite2781]

I enjoyed this movie, but I think it's about time that Ridley Scott should not direct anymore Alien films. He did a good job with two true crime stories: All The Money In The World with Christopher Plummer, Michelle Williams and Mark Wahlberg. Based on the 1973 kidnapping of John Paul Getty III. House Of Gucci, with Lady Gaga, Adam Driver, Salma Hayek, Jeremy Irons, Al Pacino and Jared Leto. Based on the infamous murder of Maurizio Gucci.

[@purpleemerald5299]

For a second I thought you were about to copy and paste the entire actor credits. XD

[@jasonalbran376]

What's always been interesting is the name Xeno-morph isn't the official name of the species. At least it wasn't intended to be. I don't even think the name was ever used outside that one scene in the franchise. Fans technically "named" it after the one line in the briefing scene in Aliens where the Officer was explaining the situation. After that the merchandising folks just went with it and boom Xeno-morph is on the merch Xeno-morph derives from the Greek Language. Xeno meaning "stranger” or “foreigner" and Morph meaning ''form". It's just a description of an unknown entity or thing. It's a fun fact but as I said Llve always found that interesting that fans technically named it.

[@voidTheBoy7409]

Feels like this movie would've ended within two seconds if Alteori was on that ship

[@armond120]

Movies like this make fear for the future cause its like very futuristic character is in a race to win the freaking Darwin Awards. The person that dies in the most idiotic way wins. Everyone on the crew: " Oh I got this in the bag bro." It is also like that for most horror movies as well, but if common since enters in then we wouldn't funny death scenes, high kill counts, or a bloody messes we have grown accustom to.

[@arionofotherworld]

I always found it amusing how much more professional the tug boat workers of Alien seemed to behave on an unknown world compared to the trained experts in Prometheus and Covenant.

[@thientuongnguyen2564]

Hell, the college dropout space truckers in the first Alien (yes, the 1979 one) were more reasonable and logical than a bunch of highly "intelligent" engineers, scientists and TRAINED SOLDIERS sent on a colonization mission.

[@usosaito.namahage]

The theory behind the humanoids on the planet is that they were another experiment the Engineers made similar to how Prometheus shows them creating life on Earth. From the platform and how they all gathered when the Juggernaut showed up is most likely the race was aware of their creators and this was a temple for worship of them. However it is possible there are several different factions of the Engineers too.

[@strenuousspider9525]

I believe they created many Earths and populated them with various Humans and Humanoids, they also vary greatly In technological advancements depending how long ago they were created. That and the Fact that Xenomorph and Face Huggers can be seen on wall art in these movies shows David only created something similar to the xenomorph and not the xenomorph themselves. Take both these things and AVP can still fit perfectly within the Lore. however since Xenomorph already existed id love to see them face off against the Protomorphs. Hell id love to see Clone Alien Ripley meet David in a Queen Vs King kinda deal.

[@alexstengel8066]

I always thought the alien that birthed out of the mouth should have had the Scooby Doo running bongos playing while it ran. So yes it looked very silly.

[@nathanrood865]

This was great! Come for the reviews and the roasting, stay for Alteori saying WATER in an accent several times! But most of all for reminding us we can like a movie even if tons of stuff doesn't make sense and the movie is ultimately bad 😂

[@BudokaiTH]

As a visual horror film, it's great. But once again, the people in this movie are so damn stupid, reckless, and so bizarre in their choices, that it is *Infuriating* every time I watch it. Even when I saw it in the theater, I was basically restraining myself from screaming "WTF is wrong with everyone?!"

[@GlowingCharm]

to explain the landing craft scene, most pilots follow the "100 foot rule" meaning that before landing she needed to be able to see at least 100ft in every direction, so for all intended purposes she landed in a good spot

[@Alteori]

Fair enough but I could promise you, knowing these characters, they weren't thinking that far.

[@MauZangetsu]

Knowing the rest of the script, the writers didn't think far in any area

[@cjkalandek996]

I'm glad you pointed out Jed Kurzel's musical score during the Medbay scene. Definitely the best track in the film.

[@kemonotaku]

Young one, are you sure this is a good thing to be doing to yourself? I literally can hear your blood pressure rising and those anime Y veins on your temple throbbing. Deep breaths, deep breaths, and find your happy place.

[@Alteori]

😂😂 I attempted and almost failed, but I succeeded.

[@chillax319]

@@Alteori Maybe "Cabin in the woods" next? To cure yourself from character stupidity(in a way).

[@Thiccsnake]

Ladies and gentlemen I give you alien unnecessary covenant. The movie where characters are so stupid you’ll think you’re tripping hard on some acid.

[@TitusCastiglione1503]

You know they could have solved the stupid bit about going to David’s planet easily. Simply have the ship get damaged and they have to take a chance that the transmission’s origin world has the parts they need to continue on.

[@rocketraccoon1976]

😡 Well, you'll never work on an Alien movie. You're too sensible. Think dumber, dammit!

[@BSM-vw6cf]

I liked this movie though I'm curious if David created the xenomorph species on his own or if it was originally the engineers that were going to create them but since they were wiped out David created them by taking the "blueprints" for the Xenomorphs.

[@strenuousspider9525]

In Prometheus or this film i dont remember which, Had Xenomorph statues and or wall art. David did not create the Xenomorphs but he did however recreate them.

[@BSM-vw6cf]

@@strenuousspider9525 ah ok that makes sense, before I had a bit of a problem with David creating the most dangerous species in the universe from scratch.

[@josesanchezrodriguez1783]

In the novel he says he was recreating something the Engineers first made

[@nosorab3]

I swear, the 'colony program' must just have been an elaborate ruse by the government to relocate as many paste-eaters as far from Earth as possible. Ditto the Prometheus mission in the previous movie, but when none of them came back, the project was given the green light and full funding.

[@GLynch_2011]

6:40 almost made me spit out my drink 😂😂

[@ShiftyKen08]

Yeah, I was so upset at the overwhelming amount of stupidity the characters exhibited in this movie that it pushed the boundaries of suspending belief way too far. Not one brain between the lot of them

[@sentientbottlecap]

I must admit that one thing I love about the Alien prequels is the idea that Xenomorphs are basically bio weapons. They’re the bioweapon equivalent of the nuke.

[@_V.Va_]

They're Metroids. The inspiration comes full circle.

[@enjolireyes643]

Got me laughing in the first 5 seconds… thank you!

[@frostbite9346]

after this video I’m not as scared of this movie as much as I’m scared of alteori’s browser history

[@howlutrv2858]

What surprised me the most at the end of the movie was that the ship's AI knows who David is, and also the Walen Yutani logo on the ship, man, what a twist. deleted scenes alternate ending.

[@ggrarl]

You know what would make this movie a lot better? The Covenant from "Halo"...either that or Samus Aran from the Metroid series (since it has close connections to the Alien franchise).

[@JoakimOtamaa]

X-parasites from Fusion and Dread came probably from The Thing with their copy ability.

[@ggrarl]

@@JoakimOtamaa not probably, definitely, and on that note, might as well include The Flood from "Halo"

[@thebad2016]

My pops and I love this movie but just how stupid and brain dead the characters are made my pops actually say "I hope every one of these dumbasses die." And started rooting for David once the story revealed HE is the antagonist. He said the characters levels of stupidity rival that of the four main characters in Lucio Fulci's Zombie. In the end, he got his wish.

[@Armed_Gamer]

34:58 are you talking about Silent Hill? That’s what went through my head when you said chattering nurses with no eyes

[@rocketraccoon1976]

16:20 Maybe they didn't want to damage the wheat fields, so they landed in the water? 🤪 21:30 Maybe he thought the spores were psychedelic in nature, like certain mushrooms, and he wanted to get high? 🤤 26:48 Aww, you're so cruel! It's just a widdle, newborn babee! Don't hurt a babee! Maybe it just wanted to kiss & cuddle with her? 🥰 👶🏻 29:22 The really funny thing is that the little alien survived and escaped off the shuttle. 😆 37:12 Aww, c'mon! There coulda been a pot of gold inside that egg. 🤑 💰

[@Alteori]

😂

[@Shadowprime547]

Lol

[@warhawkbm]

He could have just said, "We need to repair the ship otherwise there be a larger funeral." "We will mourn them soon, but right now we must save everyone else". It would have removed the douchebaggery and make them realize that the danger comes first... The movie your thinking of I believe is Silent Hill, they have the tall nurses with no face... and the pyramid head guy that literally de-skins a woman with one hand O.o

[@Godzilla-tu2cd]

Your very welcome Alteori cause I gave you the head's up. 1:15 LV 223 isn't the engineer's home planet that's just one of the planets they colonized. Plus the reasons why Waylon went over there is because he wants to live forever. 18:43 remember this isn't the same planet. 19:46 no that's a lame excuse. Even the Si-Fi genre can have stinkers and this is one of those stickers. 27:17 I don't think the neomorph blood is acid. 33:25 no these are engenders just a different clan 34:39 no David made them that's why it didn't attack him. 35:03 silent hill. 37:56 no she's been used as an experiment. 39:46 that's not power that's just a regular throw. Remember Androids are strong. 43:34 he already dyed his hair before the fight started. He just gotta fix it up when he killed Walter

[@thesinistersiblings705]

That's why i love the quote Critical Drinker uses to describe the characters of this movie. " How are any of these people possible. They have as much independent thinking power and common sense as a gender studies graduate, and all the instinct for self preservation and survival as a manically depressed lemming". Also with the amount of liquid hydrogen on that ship, that explosion mixed with the landers fuel should've incinerated everything within half a Kilometre. Including the returning crew members.

[@theend-nz6vs]

The reason why the protomorph attacked the claw might be because it was newly born so it didn't know if it was living or not and because it wasn't a fully fledge xenomorph due to it looking more organic than a mix of the two

[@LegendNoel73]

So you can't kill a baby alien with all those things in the room you could use as a weapn.

[@OrangeHatReviews]

I love the Protomorph POV and the purple flame from when it hit the engine burst. This movie had some (Obvious) Miscasts, but it was halfway decent in idea, but poor on execution. Good review Alteori.

[@MaverickX578]

Crazy fact: the woman who gets her head ripped off by the Neomorph is a friend of another popular KZbinr FilmComicsExplained and he was understandably horrified to see that.

[@sahidyubero8325]

The closest thing we got to a pet xenomorph was in aliens labyrinth. I totally recomend it. Its a fantastic and horrofing read👍

[@nicholsliwilson]

@Alteori great video, thanks. I’ve loved the whole series. One little note here, tarantulas are venomous but their venoms are not considered “medically significant.” Orange Baboon Tarantulas (Pterinochilus murinus) AKA: OBT’s produce very painful venom as do a couple of other species but their venom is not a risk to your health, their venom tricks your nervous system in to thinking something’s wrong when it isn’t but it settles down within a day or so. The most toxic spiders are all true spiders & primitive spiders.

[@emanthegman9511]

22:14.......😂🤣 i feel the pain, I think ridley Scott was intentionally trying to piss people off, these characters followed every horror trope beat for beat, this has to be intentional.

[@khartog01]

The crew includes former members of the newly formed colonial marines. The guy who gets the his nose infected is one of the marines. The colonial marines come from the US Marines, hence the age and veterancy of guy.

[@kaiulani9118]

“GET THE MAN SOME ROPE” “HE NEEDS SOME ROPE”

[@chillax319]

That crew makes the previous one sound like a bunch of geniuses. I also had the same problem with Mass Effect Andromeda, because people send in movies and in the game don't feel nor act like any sort of professionals. I would leave them alone with the bug spray without warning labels for every possible thing from spraying it into the eyes, eating it or sticking it up their arse because I'd be worried they would kill themselves with it. Edit: That whole useless convo with a new captain could'd be cut and time be saved by a simple plot device- ship is broken, we will not get anywhere else, finito, amen.

[@mreast7512]

FOOD LMAO

[@LotarL31]

The alien has slept for probably thousands of years so what shall we do? Maybe like with humans let them use the bathroom, have a drink and food before we start bugging them? Also I had to add that singing a John Denver song is not a distress call!

[@aceundead4750]

Comedian Pat Godwin walks onto a bus with his guitar, old lady in the back quips "oh look it's John Denver." I crack up everytime at that

[@dragonturtle2703]

Apparently horror games have to tone down the horror to not scare people too much. Wouldn’t be surprised if that also applies to movies (or to things Ike action/violence, complexity, or how fantastic/alien/different from modern day things are).

[@Roman-cc7ii]

This movie actors made Prometheus actors look smart

[@I.____.....__...__]

Most people think the no-eyed chattering-teeth nurse movie is _Silent Hill_ but from what Alteori said, it sounds more likely to be _Jacob's Ladder_ which was one of the influences of _Silent Hill_ (SH also copied from _Session 9_ and a few others).

[@jasoncaldwell5627]

The one DUMB thing every Alien movie has in common is how the baby Alien magically grows from infant sized to seven feet tall in thirty minutes WITHOUT EATING ANYTHING. Is the adult creature paper thin or something that it just expanded without adding any mass?

[@SamuelSuicide67]

This is what happens when people are sheltered soo much they dont have to learn the hazards of life

[@Gfish17]

So this movie has the dumbest character's out of all the other movies. This one has the all time dumbest in all of movie history? Okay sure.

[@MrAlastorV]

This is my favorite review yet because she is legit making it hilarious with sarcasm 😂 this vid made my day thanks Alteori

[@mprojekt72]

Alteori: "Are they trying to everything in their power to die?!" Us: "Aaayeahup!"

[@jimmyjon9970]

I'm relatively new to this channel as well as an undying apologist for this film. And uh.....yeah no you pretty much got everything right. Great film and idea, terrible characters. Your humor is fucking gold, as are the animations in the little character

[@Alteori]

Thank you and welcome to the channel 🤠

[@bluelightstudios6191]

Now I'm starting to think that sending Beavis and butthead to space may have been the best idea after all

[@noneya3635]

How did David NOT see the laser pointer spot on the alien? Although his NOOAHHHOOO! Is hilarious no matter how many times I hear it.

[@Alteori]

😂

[@Mr666999666999]

I've enjoyed your reviews of the Alien franchise. Here are my favourites in order.. 1. Aliens. 2. Alien (this is great & should be #1 but I have much love for the USCM era of the movies). 3. Alien 3 (a very good mostly British cast of great actors & a very dark turn for the franchise). 4. Prometheus. 5. Covenant. 6. Alien 4 (Hmm, could've been great, if kept in the USCM era, & less silly giant baby hybrid). *Both AvP films don't count because they are awful & could have been much better.

[@mreast7512]

LMAO FOOD

[@royalecrafts6252]

The characters werent stupid on alien 4 lol

[@fanghur]

Honestly, I actually liked the first AvP movie. It wasn’t without problems, but it was at least a fun movie where the characters actually had some, well, character. The sequel was trash though, I completely agree. And not just because you couldn’t see a thing throughout most of it.

[@hideousruin]

I'm a huge fan of the Alien series. I first saw the original at a drive-in theatre with my mom when I was probably three. My then very young single mom was completely unconventional in what she would allow me to watch. I was a toddler when she started taking to full-fledged horror movies. Our favorite place to see them was in the only remaining drive-in theater in the region. I had a very odd reaction in to the Alien. I don't remember anything about it but my mom says I fell in love with the creature like other kids would adore a heroic family dog after watching the type of movie that was actually made for kids that age. I remember having the giant Alien toy with the inner jaws that snapped out and transparent plastic dome over his giant penis head. With all that said I can't give my opinion of the third film. Every time I have tried to to watch it I have fallen asleep faster than a narcoleptic listening to New Age music in the dark inside of a pillow factory warehouse.

[@odinulveson9101]

Ditch A3 and AR entirely and in with A4. Well it would be the true Alien 3/ Alien Earth something. Also the expandwd universe have like 3 major factions covering tons of solar systems. The UPP, UA and TWE. Hyperdyne, Weyland Yutani and Armat. Are the preferred tech/ weapons suppliers respectively to each

[@dognote1554]

I remember Alien Covenant clearly because I watched it in theaters with my 2 best friends at our Middle School graduation but I must admit it's not exactly a scary film if even my 13-14 year old self watched it and thought "damn that was pretty cool" of course my young brain missed all the clear hints and discontinuities but overall I still hold it dearly Great video 🐶👍

[@jayboy2kay7]

Don’t take this the wrong way, but trust me, you’re brain is still EXTREMELY young, wait another 10 years and you will look back at your 20 year old self laughing at how dumb you still were.. especially when consuming media.

[@rachdarastrix5251]

0:57 To be fair it would be extremely unrealistic for a human not to do that. I have enough experience around humans to promise you this.

[@mattdamutt5681]

Welcome to your first survival class of hostile worlds. Chapter 1: Don't do what these idiots did. See how far better off you are already!

[@jollygoodfellow3957]

3:25 Those gold things are solar sails, they use the "solar wind" to propel the ship. A solar flare is an intense localized eruption of electromagnetic radiation in the Sun's atmosphere. 34:56 Silent Hill.

[@mindisfrozen]

I am curious to see how this goes, if they continue it. Mostly because of the what Walter said of how they can imitate but can't create, and with the mural in Prometheus, it showns that there are actual xenomorphs, and how David pretty much mimic their creation through possibly the research notes from the engineers. Mostly because my idea is that the black goo was created from the xenomorphs since they can create a form based on what their host is, so like what Wayland wanted, they weaponized it. Trying to make themselves into the "Perfect Organism". Just hopefully they have people that are not dumb as bricks in the next movie. If he still has plans to do one, since it was originally planned to be a trilogy.

[@owenwildish331]

Hmm, this is a bit off-topic but I wonder what an Alien & (James Cameron's) Avatar crossover would look like, what if both took place in the same universe..? Also, did you know that Doctor Who's Daleks were almost designed by Ridley Scott (who directed the first Alien film) when he was a designer working for the BBC but he left the project before they began production of the first Dalek serial which led to the Daleks being designed by Raymond Cusick instead, (I've often wondered what a Ridley Scott designed Dalek would look like)..???

[@Tallacus]

Well Mr. Cameron said the Thanator was like a cross between and alien queen and a T Rex

[@Alondro77]

Nothing good. Scott didn't design the xenomorph. He just took all the credit for other people's work. He's a hack.

[@owenwildish331]

@@Alondro77 I respect that but I never said he designed the Xenomorph, just that he almost got to design the Daleks

[@cruzflowers9691]

I felt like breaking my TV when I saw how dumb the characters were

[@pedrord19]

I love the designs of the Neomorph, Proto FaceHugger and Protomorph ... This movie is freakin´ awesome and cool, and also very very bloody, likem bloodier even than the original/first one, especially during Ledward´s scene !!!

[@seanwhitehall4652]

43:49 loved the scene of the Alien standing up, great pressence.

[@TheMoonShepard]

Ah God this movie, if there was ever a movie that defined "unrealistic incompetence"

[@r-claw0176]

Yep

[@Pawkesus]

Once again I came over to AGREE WITH THE TITLE... so yes... I undoubtedly agree with the title.

[@razorhollow4936]

Ok so a little Thing. The Protomorph is More Aggressive than a Normal Xeno and will attach anything that moves. But at a cost of it not being as intelligent. Thats why it attacked the Crane.

[@PapaWooody]

I absolutely LOVED this video. The insight of Mr. Plinkett… the delivery of Elvis the Alien… you are truly awesome! ❤

[@matthewgumabon7498]

What was even the point of casting a relatively big movie star like James Franco for such a tiny, unimportant role. I mean I know Easter egg cameos are a thing, but it’s not like he’s Stan Lee or M. Night Shyamalan haha. His agent be like, “Ok Mr. Franco, we got you a role as the captain of the crew in the new Alien movie. Michael Fastbender is in the cast too. But the thing is…” James Franco: “Enough said! I’m in!” *Character get trapped and burned alive (via CGI) in the very beginning of the movie without a single line.

[@davidsumner7604]

"Okay, okay, which one of you knuckleheads set my Cryo-tube to Broil? Haha, you got me so good!"

[@rachdarastrix5251]

I try to empathies with the human characters in a classic style monster horror. Instead I end up remembering how a human treated me, project that onto the characters, and now my temptation to be aggressive back has been taken out on fictitious people. Thanks movies.

[@sphere7158]

0:02, Idk why, but this cracked me up when David was shouting no 😂😅🤣

[@Duster29to86]

Critical Drinker went into this movie and tore it all kinds of new ones. Long time ago, all these simple and logical issues with most movies nowadays would've gone over my head. Now that i'm wiser i cant help but beat myself up for noticing these small bits.

[@Komikkitty]

I honestly enjoy this video too much because the animal thingy is so cute. The artist truly k ew what they what they were doing

[@arbiter11171]

Being able to see all the dust particles in the sunlight is called the Tyndall effect.