Attachment Styles And Cheating

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@hellochips 5 жыл бұрын

I just learnt I have an anxious attachment style 🙈 I become a bit obsessed with romantic relationships and how someone’s texting me and stuff. I’ve never had a relationship that’s calm and free from anxiety. I look for signs they’re going to leave. I had an avoidant ex who was actually very calm...but almost too calm lol I felt like she didn’t care. Very tough

@aroojaziz 4 жыл бұрын

The calmness was the tip of the iceberg

@PriyankaGupta-ew1li 4 жыл бұрын

Do yourself a favour and never date an avoidant! It's not your job to 🤮fix other people's Muck! 💯👍🏻🤗

@davemaurer7341 Жыл бұрын

Now Gotta learnt English language

@KirkQuesnelle 6 жыл бұрын

Honestly... I don't think words can express how amazing you two are. I've been watching your videos for the past couple of weeks. The incredible amount of progress I have made in my life because I've stumbled upon your videos. I love you both. Please keep giving incredible value to the world

@paulasmith3577 4 жыл бұрын

Can a person have two of the attachment styles?

@nathantrujillo471 3 жыл бұрын

@@paulasmith3577 yes i believe its disorganized

@ProductiveChi 2 жыл бұрын

I've always had a secure attachment style but turned anxious when dating (what I now realise) a dismissive avoidant. DA's can turn anyone anxious if you're not aware of attachment styles. It's not normal imo to go for long periods of unexplained silences or be hot and cold towards someone.

@piccalillies 4 жыл бұрын

I love Craig's kind eyes, they are always smiling and when Margaret gets really laughing.

@PriyankaGupta-ew1li 4 жыл бұрын

Ikr😭🙏🏻❤🌟🤗🌺🦄

@MissSarahGM 6 жыл бұрын

I think Avoidants would cheat and "triangulate" to release the tension from being too close. Anxious would rather cling to their partner and stay loyal. Looking forward to seeing your video on how to self soothe Margaret!

@danielvasilev9289 6 жыл бұрын

lemme guess, you have a fucking anxious style and think you understand avoidants? But sadly statistics say that anxious styles are times more prone to cheating than avoidant ones. And when avoidant people connect with someone(which is a hard thing for them for obv reasons), they are more loyal than an anxious style.

@MissSarahGM 6 жыл бұрын

You don't need to be agressive about my possible "fucking" attachment style. And no I am referring to the numerous psychology research articles I read on the topic. I'd be interested you give me your statistics. Triangulation is generally used by borderlines who are typically avoidants (even if they fear abandonment). Sex addiction and affairs for the avoidant types are a way to ease the tension of being too closed to a partner and hence feeling engulfed and trapped. You could read Stan Tatkin for instance.

@christirb1 6 жыл бұрын

No, I think anyone can cheat. Anxious people typically need to have someone in their life so they keep people on the back burner so if they ever "feel" like they are losing their partner, they will immediately seek out one of their back ups as not to be alone. ❤️

@sshuteandrew 6 жыл бұрын

I’d say anxious attachment style are more likely to cheat. They are dubbed “love addicts”...always chasing and pursuing love. Idealizing and romanticizing love. They need the reassurance and if their current partner isn’t providing it, and it needs to be a LOT, then they are more likely to fill the real or perceived void and seek comfort elsewhere. I think the avoidant is likely to bury himself in work or other activities. Avoiding the whole issue....

@royaltyblue1429 6 жыл бұрын

I agree with you. I mean someone who doesn't love you and do not value you will cheat. I get why people would think that anxious would cheat but to me anxious attachment sounds more loyal than the avoidant who gets into a relationship with you and do not actually care about you. I mean they even said an avoidant would cheat and think nothing of it and not care.

@tr9809 5 жыл бұрын

Can people with secure attachment styles be cheated on? I feel this can happen because a secure person would trust their partner and not question their loyalty. Personally I feel that I can never trust someone again.

@airbubble. 4 жыл бұрын

Absolutely they can. I'm secure. My DA cheated on me. He's still with her. She was his "safe space" when his feelings for me deepened and he couldn't handle it. It knocked me a little but I looked at the reasons behind it, and was able to understand and forgive. It hasn't affected my trust. If a partner cheats on us, generally speaking its on them, not us.

@matthewschwartz6607 4 жыл бұрын

What is a DA?

@airbubble. 4 жыл бұрын

@@matthewschwartz6607 Dismissive Avoidant. Its one of the 3 insecure attachment styles. Generally speaking very emotionally closed off. Doesn't do well with vulnerability, emotions or intimacy - makes them shut down and run. They are well known for "not putting all their eggs in one basket" romantically speaking because they fear commitment and it takes a lot for them to trust. Many look for "impossible" relationships such as with "open" partners who dont expect consistency and exclusivity, married people so subconsciously they know there is little possibility of being asked for a romantic commitment, or long distant relationships because their physical presence is unlikely for more than a few short meet-ups every so often. Both give them the huge amount of space and distance they need but also the connection they crave, without the regular emotional/intimate requirements of a standard relationship.

@Dad_Brad 5 жыл бұрын

When I saw the name of this video, I knew it was time to ring the bell, school’s in.

@nicolebrowne3632 6 жыл бұрын

My ex is an avoidant 100 percent , and he called me insecure !! His new GF can deal with that bs !

@LoneCapricorn 5 жыл бұрын

I think I go between disorganized and anxious attachment styles.

@sshuteandrew 6 жыл бұрын

Coach Craig and Margaret, your information on attachment style is so informative and eye opening. Your videos taught me things about myself and relationships I never knew or understood. Thank you 💗

@stellaercolani3810 6 жыл бұрын

You coaches are spot on! Fantastic!

@chadkalinke6439 6 жыл бұрын

Well I have never had an anxious attachment style but my recent ex has cheated on me more than once.. I developed an anxious attachment style because whenever she would be out and drinking (she's an alcoholic), she wouldn't show up and ended cheating on me. With her I developed an anxious attachment because whenever she would do that and relapse it would happen. So I think you can develop different attachments in adulthood

@donkndave7811 6 жыл бұрын

Chad Kalinke , I hope you dumped her, quickly.

@springfauna1465 5 жыл бұрын

Hey Coach, is it possible for a person to develop a different attachment style than what they originally were, depending on environment or relationship experiences?

@amy720sj 6 жыл бұрын

If a person has an overperforming elder brother, loving mom, distant dad and he was obese and laughed upon in school. Broke up with me saying he doesn't want a relationship with anyone ,wasn't sure about what he's feeling towards me end up saying he doesn't have feeling for me and tindering telling ppl that he's not looking for anything serious. What kind of attachment style does he have? Disorganized? I know I probably have anxious attachment style...

@markmichaellepianka5598 6 жыл бұрын

So informative and educational. Would you agree with this statement? Dis-functional attachment styles can lead to a constant feeling of abandonment in the relationship. As a result, the individual is continually ending relationships due to their inner feelings of fear and dread. My ex- constantly required reassurance of my commitment to our relationship. And still; in the end, walked away even though she still had a great deal of respect for me.

@themoonbleu627 6 жыл бұрын

Mark Michael LePianka why did she walk away ?

@vondobaba7791 6 жыл бұрын

My ex has clearly and obsessive anxious attachment and finally she broke up because she couldn't handle it anymore. Coach, do you think it is possible to get back together?

@chooseboost 5 жыл бұрын

Thanks coach Margaret! Would love to hear more about how to self-soothe.

@piccalillies 4 жыл бұрын

I'm anxious and he's disorganized. I left my phone at his apartment; how am I going to get it back without waiting 2 weeks?

@theboat5 6 жыл бұрын

Excellent video Coach! Super informative

@theboat5 6 жыл бұрын

It's Josh from Los Angeles by the way. 😀

@psalms1163 Жыл бұрын

Great video..

@theexoticalaspielady 6 жыл бұрын

What if you seem to be avoidant with someone you love when things feel comfortable but become anxious when you fear you could lose the person. I cannot work out whether I am predominantly anxious or predominantly avoidant. In my love life I have had 2 long relationships where I never felt I loved and 2 where I did. I found it easy to leave the 2 where I never really loved but suffered greatly coming to terms with the ending of the other 2. I am still living with my husband who is one of the two where I loved even though he doesn’t love me anymore because I cannot cope with the thought of living apart. Its like I am ok as long as we at least still live together even though he does his own thing has another woman that he goes to. Its only if I think he will physically leave me that I become anxious beyond belief. He has threatened to physically leave but he has not done so as yet. He seems to now appear to be content living with me in the same house but living his own life so that has led to some relief from the anxiety I was going through. I just cannot figure out my attachment style.

@RedRexxius 6 жыл бұрын

Wow it makes so much sense now

@1990lathan 6 жыл бұрын

Craig I have a question and maybe a video idea. The mindset of the dumper and dumpee after a breakup. It seems like when you are broken up with you have this incredible drive to search for answers and understand the relationship. Like what you did, what they did and piece the puzzle together so you can improve yourself and grow. On the other hand, it seems like the dumpers don't have the same drive to reflect. That their introspection into the breakup is only surface level. Am I on the right track here?

@1990lathan 6 жыл бұрын

I'd like to hear the thoughts from others on this, too. It's something I've been thinking about lately.

@sshuteandrew 6 жыл бұрын

I think the person that did the dumping did a lot of reflection, they just did it before they actually broke up with the other person. I’m sure in most cases it’s not an easy decision and they labored over their decision for several weeks or months. I felt my ex pulling away a month before our break up. Then, the person that is dumped often goes through weeks and months reflecting on what went wrong and what they could have done differently. So, I think both people go through reflection but at different times.

@jenniferharris9078 4 жыл бұрын

I am the dumper here and I can tell you I am scouring the internet for answers. I loved him but I think he was narcissistic. I'm trying to heal and heal my attachment style. In my 40's and I want a relationship that is secure.

@iDateAdviceiDateAdvice 6 жыл бұрын

disorganized attachment style is very common for immatyre individuals

@dje-foxx9691 2 жыл бұрын

Good lord, what an unbelievable video. I learned so much about my attachment style and my previous and current partners‘.

@CoachCraigKenneth 2 жыл бұрын

If you like that, check out my Creative Healing Course! 🙌 #mindblown

@dje-foxx9691 2 жыл бұрын

Possibly, but first I‘m looking forward to our skype session later today

@cindyg3396 5 жыл бұрын

I'm learning so much from these videos, thank you!

@peepeehole7659 6 жыл бұрын

coach so it’s possible to be anxious and avoidant at the same time? i got confused

@Christinemaydream 6 жыл бұрын

yes. avoidant has anxious underneath, and anxious can develop avoidant.

@akasickform 6 жыл бұрын

...I believe that's "disorganized".

@matthewschwartz6607 4 жыл бұрын

Yes!

@sianmegginson8110 6 жыл бұрын

Do you think some people cheat because the get scared when getting too close to one person?

@themoonbleu627 6 жыл бұрын

Sian Megginson yes I know from experience

@airbubble. 4 жыл бұрын

Yes. Happened to me

@Jason_wears_stuff 6 жыл бұрын

wow excellent videos coach(s) ! super eye opening for me!

@psalms1163 Жыл бұрын

Dynamic duo

@tybennion1 4 жыл бұрын

My ex gf who is a sexual assault survivor was anxious the entire relationship up until her sexual assault trial where she had to testify. From the time she had to start preparing (month out) until the breakup she turned completely avoidant leading to the split. She locked me out and could care less about what I wanted or how I felt. Been 6 weeks. Hardest moments of my life.

@heartmendoza3361 4 жыл бұрын

i know the feeling it's really hard to deal people like them i've been there and still in the situation🥺

@aroojaziz 4 жыл бұрын

Very informative! Thanks 😊

@MeLissa-qz5nr 2 жыл бұрын

sounds like I'm definitely Anxious and possibly slightly disorganized. This actually happened only he was going to a BBQ. He disappeared all night which was not like him I started off worried, then turned to anger then I headed out to his house. He called me right before I got there telling me I'm not his mom and stop calling. Then when I got home his girlfriend (I didn't know about) to let me know he wasn't answering because she was with her all night. It kinda validated my worries so it definitely didn't help, now my views are valid to feel the crazy ways I did. I do also look for people to replace the last before the last is gone especially after that last example above. Since then I make sure I have a replacement, then a replacement for my replacement. Literally so I don't care when they make a fool out of me, I've made sure to make a fool out of them first. It's not a good thing but I can't seem to control it anymore since my trust is non existent

@rel0302 8 ай бұрын

DAs need so much love but they ironically run from it. I pray often for my ex DA to to have an epiphany and realize he was genuinly loved by me, and of course realize his love for me is the reason he ran.