Cucumber Villain Terrorizes Washington DC

[@TheGreatChrisB]

You weren't lying when you said 4k. That's the clearest security footage I've ever seen.

[@ZachkTV]

dragons fucking cars are real??

[@justinholtman]

@test-j7yf off u bot with ur nasty cp stuff

[@justinholtman]

@test-j7yso to you it’s funny when someone loses their pet??

[@someshwarrao42]

RDC moment

[@skorpiongod]

​@justinholtman i know it feels cathartic to yell at the bot, but you're actively making the problem worse. Do not engage with the bots.

[@Hustonian]

can't even own a car without it getting assaulted in 2024

[@thehunterjk2521]

I love how he got angry that he had to stop because of a passing car. Like, sorry for interrupting this clearly private act being conducted in the middle of broad daylight.

[@illustrator_42]

💔 type

[@1WEareBUFO1]

Antoine forgot to warn us about this.

[@l3ftie578]

can't have shit in DC

[@TurtleMountain]

@@thehunterjk2521 idk how the fuck he can be comfortable doing this when there is like a billion windows from several buildings facing his direction, like anyone and their grandmother could be watching that shit go down LMAO

[@Utopian1234]

When he said "He put a cucumber in the grille of a random car" I was like that's a pretty good harmless prank, then I heard the next part and was bitchslapped by how crazy this world has become

[@ethanpeeples6187]

Me too.

[@-Jun.]

I feel the exact same way

[@amari.r.d.s]

had to take a whole minute pause in between eating my meal after hearing it

[@CantTellYou]

I just wonder if he has a specific car type. Like does he have a preference for lower profile longer vehicles? Or is it maybe a certain exhaust or grille that provides better cuke’n?

[@DakotaofRaptors]

What do you expect from DC?

[@jordanpugh9799]

Whats horrifying is that people love leaving their cars unlocked. If he gets ahold of your gear shift its over. He'll be slamming that thing from Sport to Park over and over again no cucumber necessary.

[@paladinkhan]

:(

[@thanosianthemadtitanic]

​@@paladinkhanno motor oil & lubricant either

[@Satsui_No_Hado]

🤣

[@boinkmcbingo8890]

​@millo7295because most people aren't dwelling in the cesspits. If you leave the city you can actually live like a civilized person living in a first world country.

[@1s1L932]

​@@boinkmcbingo8890it's common sense not to leave your door unlocked? No matter how safe a neighborhood that's pretty stupid?

[@coolinnnnn]

“He just rawdogs the cucumber on the grille of this Nissan” is the CRAZIEST sentence I’ve ever heard in my life

[@Somethingelse244]

4:15

[@RootedHat]

one of those sentences that should never be read outside of fictional novels :/

[@kngwhisp29]

looks like he friggin sucked it before effing it lmao so maybe was lubed

[@Overblazer]

The thing is I think he lubricated it because if you pay attention before "raw dogging" he pretty much blew it

[@ioantudorcopaceanu5382]

he didnt tho, he spat in his hand and rubbed it on his asshole in the beginning.

[@SonicVictor]

First it was porch pooper, then tow truck guy, now cucumber man. We are truly walking on villain soil

[@tao6866]

Next, it's going to be the panini prolapser. Their all going to form the real-life goof troop.

[@lloydearlofpudding9536]

​@@tao6866t-t-the Panini WHAT NOW? Who let you cook with that one?

[@vinsanity40k]

whose rogues gallery is this? 😄

[@oblock312stonyhunga3]

​@@vinsanity40kDoom Patrol

[@SorryStamin]

It's their world, we're just living in it

[@vlnow]

The gentle morning cheeping of the birds in the background.

[@acraze2287]

@@Isaba9140i kind of thought this had to be a prank, i hope it’s real bc of how hilarious it is

[@mimilopmemes7915]

@@acraze2287 i watched the video.. its real

[@NotWolf24]

3:14 I like how the passing car hits a trash can just to add to the chaos

[@99pramennoodles]

Also why did they beep like it was the trashcans fault😂

[@ZxZNebula]

They hit the trash can? I didn’t see it move or anything

[@morris-00]

@@ZxZNebula they clearly hit the 12b bin

[@Chriseyebrows]

That cucumber was definitely not dry. He got down on is knees and gave it the old gawk gawk😂

[@LaylaLover90]

You mean, ...........Hawk Tua??

[@westlinnstreets2349]

Nah gawk gawk

[@Sanicfan9192]

H A W K T U A

[@d-rockanomaly9243]

It was right there

[@NoName_WasTaken]

This dude is an Avengers Level threat. Imagine being late to work only to find a dude fucking himself with a cucumber in the grille of your car.

[@crazydom117]

For real 😂

[@TITan_boiman2gold]

@test-j7yoh u. Bot

[@fishpenetrator5381]

​@TITan_boiman2gold don't engage with the bot and it will eventually go somewhere else

[@abdelrahman788]

I would tell him it's his now 💀.

[@gabrielhoelzle8476]

At this point I'm so done I would just politely ask for him to back away 😂

[@funchaser8794]

I’m glad KZbin tagged this video as “Important”

[@GuardianPrepping]

LOL

[@kevinlacroix5902]

Fr

[@MorgothPoD666]

It's the important video ever

[@LexisVoyage]

ermmm are you saying its not???

[@miniturtle0275]

Where do you see it tagged as that?

[@seva4241]

"Hey! Are you fucking stealing my car?" him: "Not stealing"

[@briansalce2808]

"subtract stealing from that statement and you got it"

[@robertlee2616]

😂😂😂😂

[@JennWatson]

😂😂😂😂😂omg lol

[@lightfallonthehead3842]

Stealing its virginity maybe

[@RandomStranger10]

Bro assaulted so many cars he cant even walk straight anymore lmao

[@SUDAGANGTV]

These comments killing me! 😂

[@mikka8755]

😂😂😂😂

[@Silly-s8n]

Nothing straight about this guy.

[@SUDAGANGTV]

@@Silly-s8n 💀💀💀

[@HowRidiculousCutz]

That post sex cigarette and the way he was thinking about his life decisions🤣

[@august5761]

He was smoking a j the whole time 💀

[@Robinhoodie160]

then went right back to it

[@CloudLicht]

​@@august5761 misinformation is crazy

[@OsDijider66]

@Cloud, wow you are so smart you dont sound acoustic.

[@TimeTravelingAsshole]

That post nut clarity

[@urhotmatua]

Villain name proposal: The Cucummer

[@Smarttvremote]

the cucsome

[@GrayPM]

CucumMan

[@Shatter10101]

Nah cute cummer

[@isaowater]

villain ?

[@bt7528]

Approved

[@wtfk09]

Charlie says he didn't lubricate the cucumber, but at 2:13 i'm pretty sure he's sucking it before sitting on it.

[@rikimura_rishi]

OMG HE IS WHYYYY

[@fitzcharles33]

There was another post on the Washington DC subreddit where someone was talking about how someone stole 3 dozen huge cucumbers from their garden 💀

[@theautomator8372]

It's all connected!

[@antivenom68]

The plot thickens

[@TheStickyDynamite]

It's a damn syndicate!

[@p1errette]

if he reuses this cucumber while having so many more, imagine the scope of his operation. we should be scared. I'm not even from the usa and I'm already scared

[@identity7536]

He is clearly building a gurilla movement fighting the technocracy by means of fucking the symbol and it‘s creator at the same time. If he arms more converts we are all screwed. Well they are too but still

[@misfit1422]

“Poocumber” is vile 💀

[@kaidkemp3693]

Poocumer

[@Royalg88]

I died laughing 💀

[@loompy1440]

My dog farted an intensely poop smelling fart right as I saw this comment. PoOcumber smELLoviSion

[@Spiderfreak.]

@@loompy1440 why did I read that last part as "smell ov sion" god I need more sleep, xD

[@dl3650]

And ass pickle 🥒 😂

[@bellriver8870]

That might just be the most ridiculous crime I have ever heard. You could have given me a decade to look at this title and make guesses on what it meant. There is zero chance I would have guessed right.

[@Omnihilo]

On the flip side, it put into perspective how much I truly hate and look down on humanity when I read the title, saw the thumbnail, and knew exactly what it was gonna be.

[@Killerclips420]

@@Omnihiloyou’re not him buddy no one asked

[@Omnihilo]

@@Killerclips420 Weird thing to get mad about but alright. Bye.

[@Samsung-1.9Cu.Ft.Microwave]

​@@Omnihilo"but alright. Bye." 💅

[@Kotaboy1]

​@Omnihilo why do you type like that? Idk how to describe it but you sound psychotic

[@kaizokuli]

5:40 bold of you to assume Pickle enjoyer would waste his precious instrument on such a 1-time event. He could use it to pleasure his cave again

[@ragey_8000]

Its a special cucumber he inherited from his father, who got it from his father. Like passing the torch down to the next generation, the lineage of cucoomers continues.

[@themosaicshow]

“pleasure his cave”

[@BB-ed4om]

It’s not a cave, it’s a waste chute with a valve system.

[@dibble1331]

the cave of wonders

[@Bunny11344]

Doesn’t it hurt tho?? It’s not even soft.. it’s super hard 😖

[@Martial-Mat]

He looks around as though privacy was a concern - as though he couldn't simply have used a bathroom somewhere.

[@jinx8624]

somewhere ? u mean at home (assuming this guy has one which might be bold )

[@Martial-Mat]

@@jinx8624 No, there are plenty of public restrooms that he could have used. Even a field or a wood.

[@jinx8624]

@@Martial-Mat nah don't fo that in public restrooms keep that sht on your own property

[@alexbrinzan9061]

​@@jinx8624 a lot worse shit happened already în public bathrooms bruh.

[@wiengs]

@@jinx8624dudes probably homeless if hes fucking himself on random cars 😭

[@donsimpinero]

The dashcam footage must go crazy

[@pbee.njayay444]

Please…keep this to yourself my minds eye is too vivid and detailed

[@adoboflav4skin]

@@pbee.njayay444no bc the way I felt my whole body pickle from inside out

[@emmetriley22]

It must look like driving into a tunnel, except the tunnel is someone's asshole

[@SUDAGANGTV]

@@pbee.njayay444😂💀

[@leeleeanna1999]

Bruh 😂😂😂

[@sayuriakaya548]

Under the original post on reddit, someone linked another post from the Washington DC reddit, where someone posted about all their cucumbers being stolen from their garden. I'd love for these posts to be connected. It just makes the lore work out lovely.

[@ravenwraith1017]

I can't stop laughing this is so absurd

[@TheFirstCurse1]

A bot stole your exact comment and got so many likes compared to your's. These bots are so stupid.

[@melatonin1371]

The post game cigarette lmaooo ☠️

[@interox1105]

Porch Pooper: I wanna talk to you about a team Cucumber Crusader:

[@UNSSC01]

The assvengers

[@SonicVictor]

"not sure how I got here, has to do with spider man I think"

[@1800notascam]

The Offenders

[@yummyfriez]

Yes

[@personmcpeopleface266]

Would The Golf Pooper qualify? Don't know if he's still does it but he pooped in the holes of a golf course in Norway for over 10 years

[@cloudyboy1756]

Without footage I would’ve refused to believe

[@IdislikeTechnology]

But it's 2024! Anything can happen 🤗

[@The1stvessel]

4:12 actually earlier in the video you can see him blowing the cucumber

[@nosh_]

Y

[@Mew.-Fps]

i thought the same thing

[@kissmiasma95]

KZbin bot situation is crazy...

[@qwerfy34567894749]

@test-j7ywhat. The fuck

[@nefariou5]

@@kissmiasma95 has been for years.

[@takeeto9894]

I read the title, saw the thumbnail, and was like "ahaha does this silly fella leave cucumbers in odd places?" It was so much worse than I could have even imagined

[@Captain_Bobvious]

Bro's just trying to get his daily intake of vegetables

[@y.e.e6337]

"intake"

[@DontReadMyPfp21]

*Don't read my name!!!💀🦋* . . .

[@BT-fg7vi]

more like daily insert

[@gthegadgetguy9703]

he gets a good amount of intake AND outtake

[@FoodIsCrack]

Boofing for the fastest way to get nutrients

[@haphazardprism]

"Just because it can't reject you doesn't imply consent" Krillin TFS

[@ForumArcade]

That's fair, but then you have to apply that logic to all non-sentient objects, including ones specifically designed for the purpose. I think the issue at hand is more one of property rights and acceptable public behaviour, rather than consent.

[@sadge0]

Wasn't he talking about living things tho

[@slick6699]

@@sadge0 A cucumber is living. Fun fact, plants make noises when they are stressed or dehydrated. Some researchers think this could be like a call for help. That poor cucumber must have been screaming 😱

[@haphazardprism]

@@slick6699 too bad the screams were muffled. :(

[@RiazGT]

@@haphazardprism You did NOT need to go that far 😂

[@Nataninko]

That's why aliens don't visit us

[@VAVORiAL]

It'd be much worse if those are the reasons they would actually visit us

[@Delicious_J]

Pretty sure this is WHY they would visit us, for 'research' purposes

[@lemmyelk]

The irony of your statement is that this is why illegal aliens don't go to DC or Baltimore. I spent most of my life in those cities and all the aliens want no parts of those types

[@oRealAlieNo]

No this is EXACTLY why we visit you. We gave you the internet and in turn you have given us so much enjoyment in return.

[@manic-n5n]

You know that aliens are into anal probes right? How would this present a problem? If anything it would be like coming home.

[@Tracer_Sweat]

5:38 I like to imagine he has a jar he puts all of them in, because you know that wasn't the first time, and he's waiting to see if they turn into shickles.

[@beckyinthebubble]

That's why you can't eat at everyone's house.

[@joekruger1857]

And why you don't participate in potlucks

[@ShrekNumberOneEnjoyer]

Why does this cucumber taste weird?

[@spikytoaster]

Uh huh because I'm sure everyone is f*cking themselves with a cucumber. Shut up.

[@kimmyfreak200]

my dad when he was a kid was outside playing and this septic tank man was messing around with it and his hands were covered in dodoo..well he takes his break reaches into his lunchbox and pulls out his sandwhich...with his poopie hands..my dad stood there in disbelief and horror

[@jinx8624]

​buildin up the good ol immune system back in the good old days you kids these days are sissys @@kimmyfreak200

[@TapWater101]

Quite the pickel he got himself in

[@Budderluvr]

You mean quite the pickle he got in himself?

[@DontReadMyPfp21]

*Don't read my name!!!💀🦋* . . .

[@Nataninko]

😂

[@dreytonclark535]

*on

[@ogAlacath]

Quite the ASS pickle

[@sarimnadeem8977]

5:00 and he waddles away, waddle waddle

[@kendra31]

He's got some grapes for sure

[@_Roly]

Till the very next day...

[@VP02496]

@@_Rolyand the duck walked up to the lemonade stand, and he said to the man, runnin the stand

[@MrAwesomeone]

No grapes you say? That cucumber might do

[@paigemaddi]

💀💀

[@WybieRcat]

5:22 I'm sorry HE WHAT??? you're telling me bro rawdogged a cucumber and then probably ATE IT? someone come get their freaky ahh uncle 💀

[@cosm0s_puppy56]

i hope he at least washed the damn veggie 😭

[@svenskhund3603]

So deranged not even Batman would try to rehabilitate him

[@andresanguianozuniga6798]

I just imagined the criminal doing that but with the Batmobile... Imagine Batman and Robin returning and being like "What...the hell are you doing?" Pretty crazy.

[@tatafromthehood5573]

​@@andresanguianozuniga6798 I can definitely see Joker doing that 💀

[@andresanguianozuniga6798]

@@tatafromthehood5573 yeah.

[@noBody-ue6cs]

There are no laws against cucumbers Batman

[@Mew.-Fps]

4:12 he was in fact blowing the cucumber..

[@XavierRose]

Facts!!! I was saying this out loud, he’s literally kneeling and obviously sucking up the cucumber before going ham🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@channelname5345]

How much more betrayal can I take

[@TheFewAndOnly]

"What are you in for?" *Eating cucumber* "You don't wanna know"

[@ProtoAlpha]

His cellmate who knows, watching him eat the cucumber: *internal backrooms music*

[@Whynotmini]

I’m sure jail is how bro started

[@KaraTheGirlie]

Reverse eating cucumber*

[@kimmyfreak200]

"Alright sir, now bend over and cough..and.... wait what did u put in there?"

[@maxtermind5110]

@@kimmyfreak200”I was just trying to get my nutrition from vegetables”

[@tomgreenleaf1918]

Poocumber and asspickle had me laughing so hard I ruined a 1/10,000 epic tetris run that was about to set a personal record.

[@Mikiepage]

The Reddit post found another story from within the same time period… someone was complaining that a person stole all of their cucumbers: “Someone stealing from my garden live near Truxton Cir. I am more than happy to share food with my neighbors and anyone else who needs to eat, but someone came and stole every single cucumber from my garden this week. Now my kids are sad and don't want to go outside. Who can even eat 3 dozen huge cucumbers?”

[@GodsDissapointment]

This raises a question. Are the cucumbers all for his ass or does he lead a league of carcumber ass men?

[@manhwa-w3s]

well...we know what he is doing with the cucumbers...

[@ZOBENGRAUZIS]

the plot thickens...

[@AshtonRbrts]

This is a crazy addition to the lore holy shit

[@businesszeus6864]

ngl i could go through three dozen cucumbers in like a week or so. salads, pickles and snacks, it’s like one of my fav veggies lol

[@Viktorreznov1942]

"That shit is the size of kevin from spongebob" best line ever

[@shud125]

who the fuck is kevin

[@collida]

​@@shud125 the pickle with glasses

[@Viktorreznov1942]

@shud125 The big ass sea cucumber at the jellyfish convention

[@BoxKingKevin]

@@shud125 I'm Kevin.

[@Viktorreznov1942]

​@@BoxKingKevinHeeyyyyy keviiin, I'm your biggest fan

[@potatodadave]

This is some golden age comic villain shenanigans 😭💀

[@dank_jesus]

3:43, dude walks away smoking a cigarette like nothing happened 🗿

[@DanielBreadly]

dude smokes that cigarette like he just had the best sex of his life, and maybe he did

[@Blasted2Oblivion]

Okay. I went from "What's the big deal? It's just a cucumber." to regretting having ears in just a handful of words.

[@Coffee17990]

And eyes too honestly

[@thesupremeduck]

"Doesn't that hurt you?" "Do you want it to hurt me, Kevin?"

[@codyspencer942]

I'm weak 🤣😂🤣💀

[@ArchonRollin60]

AI couldn't even generate something this diabolical

[@JorgeLopez-qj8pu]

I don't know who do you think taught him, then? 😝

[@abbiereynolds8016]

AI is only limited to what humans programme it to do😅

[@DawnOfTheOzz]

"Poocumber" was not a new word I was expecting to learn today.

[@KingJaymse640]

5:28 "poocumber" is absolutely insane🤣

[@OrinyxRyder]

ITS OUTRAGEOUS!

[@smokebomb024]

Geometry dash

[@user-zm9xf7mo4p]

Every day I feel more and more appreciative of the somewhat normal friends and family I have around me

[@haileytavares7143]

You never know what they do in secret

[@user-zm9xf7mo4p]

@@haileytavares7143 🤣 Fella go and conspire about your own family

[@haileytavares7143]

@@user-zm9xf7mo4p everyone has this own secrets hahaha I was making a joke dude

[@milostodorovic69]

@@user-zm9xf7mo4pit’s true though…

[@user-zm9xf7mo4p]

@@milostodorovic69 I can only assume you're basing that off the way you base yourself with your peoples

[@wompppwompwomppp]

Worst part is apparently the women who recorded this footage said there are lots of children in this neighborhood

[@Coffee17990]

Oh no, that's absolutely disgusting. How can you even think of doing that in public and around kids, too

[@PhillipLarsen]

There's always children everywhere and it definitely is crazy how people have no self control.

[@PBurns-ng3gw]

Not really. Truxton Circle has a high school (Dunbar), but not a lot of little kids around.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

​@@PBurns-ng3gw I don't think high schoolers should be exposed to this either. Or anyone not in a space of exclusively adults consenting to watch other adults engage in activities of this type.

[@puccimane1017]

This was just the mot recent vid I seen of you but I just gotta thank for the hiccups thing. I literally just hiccuped twice, remembered your vid about it and then told myself they didn't exist. As if I was Morpheus telling Neo this top secret game breaking information. And that was it. Literally insane dude, usually if I got the hiccups it's gonna last for at least a good 20 sets but that was it, as soon as i remembered that they weren't real it was over. You're the GOAT for spreading this info to the masses. I'm honestly shocked, as someone who has been tormented by the plague of hiccups for 24 years now, it's breaking my understanding of reality that the simple trick to get rid of them is to simply believe that they don't exist,

[@kaelthunderhoof5619]

He did his business and walked away. Cool as a cucumber.

[@NekwaWatch]

4:32 at the beginning it looked like he spit on his hand to bum and them blew the vegetable

[@Poison_narcotic2]

We didn’t need a full explanation that makes it so much more disgusting

[@NekwaWatch]

@@Poison_narcotic2 😟 my bad, Charlie was going on about no lube

[@yarguswhetz]

Had to be done for Charlie's sake...😢

[@PFunk609]

yea he def prepped a bit, i sed the same thing wen charlie mentioned it lol. sigh this fn planet.

[@monk2011]

There is another video of him doing this to another car, closer up, and at a better angle. He 100% is blowing it. It's what he did in the other video

[@billbill6094]

"Wh-what are you doing with that cucumber, Ni-ssan?"

[@Baconator2558]

The wordplay in this comment section has been great.

[@TheLastHylianTitan]

I screamed “NO” as I read this with such visceral pain my dogs - all four of them - came rushing in to check in on me. This was “concerned dog” level foul. Fucking masterful.

[@JorgeLopez-qj8pu]

Zoom Zoom 😜

[@Flerswecker]

Why i was reading this in some underaged anime girl voice 💀

[@adoptarealtor1]

⁠@@Flerswecker💀 mate same minus the underage part at least

[@4RILDIGITAL]

It's imperative to ensure public spaces are safe and respected by everyone. It's bewildering that some individuals engage in such distasteful actions.

[@myb.777]

Bot

[@RippinFatDabs]

I dont think he took it dry. Look at his head bobbing at the start lmaooo

[@jack-the-bucket]

never taking a cucumber with me to dc ever again

[@BucioTheZenith]

@@jack-the-bucket Can we report the fuck out of the bot that spammed this comment please?

[@Valus_Ta-aurc]

This might be the most insane amount of bot spam I’ve seen 💀

[@jack-the-bucket]

@@Valus_Ta-aurc save me bro

[@antichrist1975]

Bro got hit with the spam bomb

[@Worm-revolver]

​@@BucioTheZenith that's what I do

[@asakukarma]

if you're gonna ride a cucumber on my whip, i'd prefer you just steal the car at that point

[@JorgeLopez-qj8pu]

Honestly yeah, I don't want the car anymore. 🤣

[@CraigWarren-fj9ui]

Right.... that's your car now...😂

[@xXD3M0NxW01FXx]

"maybe he's on a 3 cucumber ass-streak, so he's got a UAV online" had me in absolute tears 😂

[@tannermcintosh7023]

We got a cucumber butt villain before GTA 6

[@PostalDude-x4k]

He should be added into GTA 6, at least via mods

[@katmiller614]

lol this is why gta is always based in the USA people are crazy XD

[@yasirnazirbutt8240]

Nah, he's the Cucummer.

[@Agus-bg9ob]

this is like the guy who was in love with his car but in a whole another level

[@-Jun.]

This is arguably much worse

[@YoDz-117]

I fail to see the connection. You got a guy in love with a car. Ok. At least he ain’t bothering no one. Then you got this crackhead with a mop on his head going around terrorizing neighborhoods by gaping himself in their drive ways with produce. He even sniffs it. Classic weirdo behavior

[@van4195]

this is way worse because that's not even his own car

[@dontforgettolike7127]

That’s dangerous. If it gets loose, it might get slurped up

[@MAX-de8fe]

that would be justice

[@Jamlord2061]

a poetic epilogue

[@chrisfranklin7547]

That’s why you always use the parking brake.

[@MorgothPoD666]

Brand new sentencr

[@Coffee17990]

Ugh that's gross

[@TnT_F0X]

This is what happens when you see every Transformer's movie. Dude is testing for hidden aliens the only way he knows how, Probing.

[@VygoUwU]

Bro 2024 feels so ai generated wtf is this title 💀😭

[@DontReadMyPfp21]

*Don't read my name!!!💀🦋* . . .

[@InfinitelyStupid_]

i know right

[@WilliamAfton984]

Amen

[@Quesix1]

Vygo piss off

[@luke2806]

BOT

[@cs82271]

As a produce worker, I always look disappointingly whenever I see somebody grab the largest cucumber. 99% of the time I'm sure it's fine, but it's the 1% that gets me. You can build 100 bridges. But if you f**k one horse, you aren't a bridge builder anymore Ight for those asking what the entire quote is/means; "You spend your entire life learning to build bridges to become a bridge builder. You build 100 or more bridges, doesn't matter. But you fck one goat... you're a goat fckr, not a bridge builder" (I think it's Norm Macdonald who made this joke)

[@drunkenskunkproductionsdsp8094]

Maybe they're just really hungry, right? Right?

[@Baconator2558]

I'm sorry; you're going to have to explain the bridge and horse analogy.

[@jonnnnniej]

Oh no :( I always look for the biggest vegetables because here in the Netherlands you pay per item and not per weight for most of the vegetables. I'm gonna be so self aware about this now 🥲

[@ProtoAlpha]

You lost me when you mentioned the horse🤨 Could you explain that analogy?

[@PryncessTempest]

@@ProtoAlphaits basically the idea that you can build a reputation through hard work and time, then lose it in a instant

[@Csmith590]

2:42 just goes for it 💀

[@greenlightb]

The Nissan's having the time of their life rn

[@BRIZZY-fq5jw]

Charles he didn't do it dry...@2:17 you can see his head bobbing as he manually wets the cucumber 🤣💀

[@zerovstheworrld]

you slumber.. a cucumber…

[@DontReadMyPfp21]

*Don't read my name!!!💀🦋* . . .

[@ironmanlxix]

Defeat Project 2025, vote blue this November!

[@darkplague1207]

I'm so happy someone else remembers that show

[@TeoMOeditz]

ATTENTION: don’t respond to dontreadmypfp21, it is a bot, same for test-j7y

[@julioaurelio]

You catch up on some zeds, you get out of my heads...

[@spiff796]

This is literally the last thing I was expecting to see in my feed…

[@lololllololololol]

Dude could've just bought a Bad Dragon or something, like c'mon guy

[@Chromodar]

Or he could like, mount the grille of a car somewhere in his own house and use that to fasten his cucumber.

[@l.b8896]

4:30 I disagree he clearly gives the cucumber some sloppy at the start

[@sherrifdan8621]

Why does NOBODY point this out, I half heartedly watched and I still noticed that. So there isn't NO lubricant period

[@neighborhoodturnt]

Did no one notice how he also spit on his hand and rubbed his yk what…..

[@jadeking-p3u]

@@neighborhoodturntLITERALLY

[@jadeking-p3u]

literally went to the comments as soon as charlie said it

[@jadeking-p3u]

@@sherrifdan8621RIGHT 😭😭

[@PosiWritesStories]

These are my favourite Critikal videos tbh, just random looks at these complete menaces to society no one else would ever think to cover

[@Souryogurt-qv7pm]

He and the tow truck guy are going to have a team-up moment

[@richardchargingcloud6590]

hee

[@Any-Brilliant6935]

The cucumber man strikes again

[@FunnyEnglishWithCJ]

“Excalibur into the stone” was a good enough analogy lmao

[@thehautemess80]

I assumed it was at night. I was wrong. I WAS SO WRONG.

[@ashdog9235]

So early the birds are chirping

[@LillyBear_n7]

During my dispatch training, I flipped to an elevator camera to see a man taking a 20oz nonster can and shoving it in his prison wallet before awkwardly shuffling out of the elevator. He at least gave it a lick beforehand.

[@fujita_shigekazu]

Sadly at first I thought it was gonna be a "banana in my tailpipe" situation.

[@ChannelCreator]

There’s still a fruit going in a tailpipe so it’s not that different.

[@KismetMulhaneski-to3wg]

4:00 🤣

[@jamesburnett4443]

4:10 i hate that i noticed this... but, in the beginning of the video he spits on his hand, and you can guess the rest.

[@maxbracegirdle9990]

4:20 What're you talking about? He clearly blew it beforehand, not to mention the bit of spit he puts on his fingers beforehand

[@chumley04]

Thankyou Cucumber Villain for filling me up in both ways

[@DontReadMyPfp21]

*Don't read my name!!!💀🦋* . . .

[@ironmanlxix]

Defeat Project 2025, vote blue this November!

[@Feesh_Fan]

Bro…

[@Shatter10101]

Cute-cummer

[@levipatrick7553]

@@ironmanlxix no bru u a bot

[@AndrewFerro-n6v]

Sounds like he’s speaking Japanese. “Niii-san is being Assaulted!”

[@spicydomina2365]

nah he went down on the cucumber earlier you can see his head bobbing on it

[@JadedeaJade]

We had a serial pooper jogger about a decade ago. They would jog in the morning in DC during the morning traffic, when people are getting to work, and then randomly at some corner waiting for the light to go green, would pop a squat and take a dump and just continue jogging. Somehow nobody could clock this person. Don't know what happened to them.

[@PBurns-ng3gw]

We had that happen at my high school, which was also in DC. Someone would always take a crap near the running track in the mornings. Eventually it was discovered that one of the teachers was doing it, he’d apparently run a few miles every morning, take a deuce behind the field house, then go off and teach AP Literature or whatever. I don’t know what it is about this city that breeds people like this.

[@aestheticmd5925]

4:15 nah dude rubbed up his void with the good 'ol spit-on-the hand maneuver.

[@SpookyDookySr]

Remember the guy from TLC that had mechaphilia? This is taking it to the next level.

[@Wicked_Fox]

At least with that guy it was "romantical" and "consensual". This dude just SA the car

[@monhi64]

I don’t think this one is mechaphilia exactly, seems more like a public/voyeur fetish and the car just happened to be the perfect mounting place for the diabolical act he concocted. But of course hard to say. The funniest shit though is people linking a previous recent mass cucumber theft in that immediate vicinity. I can’t imagine who else would be stealing large cucumbers in that area

[@AAAgainstDemons]

1924: “In a hundred years, we’ll have flying cars” 2024: Dawn of the Cumber-Plumber

[@LizN422]

Cucumber villain is crazy

[@DontReadMyPfp21]

*Don't read my name!!!💀🦋* . . .

[@MobSpiderVA]

0:35 the fucking whiplash I got from this sentence was insane. I literally spit out my drink like I was in a sitcom. Holy crap.

[@diqweed69]

"Why won't you come to the family reunion? It's in Arlington, it's technically not even D.C." Why I won't come to the family reunion:

[@SharkBait19904]

Imagine coming out to your car and seeing a cucumber placed in it and just maybe thinking "Is this just a new trend kids are doing like a prank"? Then learning it's not and some grown man violated your car and if any of that cucumber is left you just probably realized you grabbed a cucumber covered in probably fecal matter and all else with probably your bare hands because I am betting most people who have to remove it didn't put gloves on.

[@XenXenOfficial]

Ahhh nah the cucumber wasn't dry, bro prepared it at 2:13 by treating it like a popsicle 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@VP02496]

AH HELL NAH WTF😭

[@brownandblueeye]

bro i live near and work in dc and what shocks me most is that my favorite KZbinr to listen to at work is covering the story that happened next to my commute

[@arceuskiller115]

At least he didnt leave the cucumber behind

[@Dmartin23941]

Bro couldn't leave behind the evidence

[@Ursoro]

Bros a menace doin the thug shaker on that car 😭😂

[@danielwalker26]

I thought it was someone leaving cucumbers in people's mail boxes or something. This is some Florida man level tomfoolery.

[@yami6268]

This security footage of a guy rawdogging a cucumber on a Nissan is clearer than the security footage of criminals robbing banks

[@ShinobiDrip999]

Look how he walks when he walks away, straight waddling😂