Do ALL Her Feelings Deserve Validation?!

• Why your Avoidant part...
How can we know which feelings deserve validation and which ones are irrational or illogical?
#feelings #relationshipproblems #validation

[@M_IAWIA]

Validation is not agreeing, it is seeing.

[@victoriabarclay3556]

Feelings just are. you can't bury them so you better talk about them, or understand them. as John Kabat-Zinn says, "how you are feeling is how you are feeling".

[@nnylasoR]

My passive, avoidant husband often says ye olde “It is what it is”… so I’m adding this one to my personal collection.

[@vivekamar99]

Feelings are valid, but the stories we tell behind those feelings may not.

[@excel04]

There's a difference between validating someone's feelings and taking responsibility for them. If the person expressing their feelings expects the listener to take responsibility, or the person listening starts to feel pressure to take responsibility for the expressed feelings that's a different matter. That's likely where the true work starts.

[@v9b23j]

I agree. While validating a person's feeling is essential in building trust, safety and connection with each other, we aren't responsible for their feelings, but our own. Two people can experience the exact same thing and feel, react/respond differently.

[@Julia.echternach]

Thank you. I wish more people grasped this. Validating feelings doesn’t mean justifying someone’s actions, it doesn’t mean agreeing with their opinion, it just means seeing them and listening to them. It is getting to the “deep why” of their actions and opinions, so that you can negotiate a solution.

[@getawaywithpam]

I agree

[@RadishTheFool]

If someone is sharing their feelings with us, the right questions to ask are "where are these feelings coming from" and "what can we do?" Not "are they right?" or "what are the facts?" Someone is emphatically and explicitly talking about their FEELINGS. Those feelings aren't an obstacle on our way to the facts. They ARE the current topic.

[@rainbowconnected]

So well spoken and true! So many negative experiences in all kind of relationships could be avoided if the person hearing the feelings just asked simple, open ended questions and expressed a desire to explore and help the person trying to process their feelings. Someone sharing their feelings is an honor and needs to be treated as such (provided they're doing it healthily, of course). It seems like many people I've interacted with see another expressing feelings, especially "negative" ones, as an obstacle to connection. Some even treat it as an attack on connection. When in fact it can be the quickest path to connection if the feelings are simply met with curiosity and kindness.

[@v9b23j]

@@rainbowconnected 💯

[@kimberlyhauser7724]

@@rainbowconnectedWhile I agree with you, it was not an honor for me to be the wall someone consistently threw their negativity at. If someone is good enough to be there for your negative feelings, you can and absolutely should consider including them in your joy, too.

[@husbandslockerroom4041]

It is so important to validate each others feelings. Husbands you have feelings too it is not considered weak to display. It is normal and a loving wife will love you more if you showed feelings especially if you honor her feelings.

[@Ashbringer36]

Men’s feelings are only validated when someone is putting them in a vault to be used against us later.

[@MillerRelationshipGuide]

I think it's also important to remeber that validating someone's feeling isn't going to invalidate your own feelings.

[@jst4horses1]

I find, and have for decades, that many people want to put their feelings on others, we can validate without giving in, or allowing someone else to take over your life, because of their feelings. I have found with children, teens, and veterans we work with the Heart Talk method helps people learn to listen, not just "my way,, or the highway" others. I think having a great talk with YOURSELF about your feelings and their effects on others is a great place to start. A child once hit another kindergartner full in the face, his Mom was still leaving the room, she turned and kneeled down, asked that child.....why did you hit my son. The kid said "I ain't got no Mom to kiss me good bye" ... Her Mom was a drug addict, in prison for many years due to her antics to get money for her drugs. This one understanding Mom said... if I were to give you a kiss each day, will you stop hitting the other kids, and you know what? Many of the other kids do not have a Mom to kiss them every day either. It changed that child's life. I found, if each of us kneels down and asks our child about our feelings, it is easier to find out if we are asking for the right thing or not. Sometimes we need to say NO to pushing our feelings on others. 100% Responsibility for our own responses means, ourselves, not forcing others to do what we want.

[@butterflypathchristiancoach]

Yeah...someone can be jealous and you can validate the fears by recognizing It Is scary and painful to have doubts about your loved one loyalty, but that doesn't mean you are indeed cheating or doing something wrong that deserves to be ignored or hurt back.

[@Shadow1Yaz]

You can’t really be wrong about how something makes you feel but you can be wrong in the way you handle them. If I’m annoyed and hit my partner, that’s wrong. It’s ok for me to be annoyed but it’s never ok to harm a partner. If I’m annoyed and inform my partner, that’s better. Now we can plan for or around it.

[@dflaming1371]

Yes. This is a clearly cut (and unfortunately very real) example. Lots of people will abuse with words. "I feel annoyed because you are a vapid, stupid, selfish man/woman", vs "i feel annoyed because you always leave your landry in the walkway, and that makes me feel like a servant, and like you dont listen to even the little things i ask you to do." You can be like my mom, who brings up her side--"those clothes are usually there when i start my early shift because im tired, its 4am and i forget, i dodbt mean to make you feel that way", thus having me come her way when it happens again, or like my dad--"well four score and seven years ago you stepped on my toe and left a dirty cup in the living room ONCE so you have NO RIGHT TO TELL ME ANYTHING EVER!!!". Guess which one i have a relationship with

[@ajregalia1334]

@@dflaming1371 Even so that second one could use a bit or rewording. I recognize they're strong emotions but saying "you ALWAYS do X bad thing" feels excessive and following it up with "like you don't even listen to the little things I ask you to do" could make a partner feel like: A. They should be doing everything little thing you ask like you're their parent B. That if this is a "little thing" you're bringing up that it's causing more dissatisfaction than is warranted C. Because you say little thing(s) that there are a myriad of other things that will be brought up later, that lack of clarity might have them try to overcompensate by doing a bunch of random things that don't actually have anything to do with what's upset you. D. It feels like a final straw/you at your wits end (again for little things he/she may not even notice) rather than hoping for a resolution. That can have a partner feel a bit defeated, like they've messed up and will continue to mess up in unclear ways that they can't help. I understand that wasn't the intention but echoing the point you were making, how we phrase things matters. it's not abusive but it could be less contentious while still making the point you have strong feelings around the issue.

[@circlecalpacas]

I feel this. Since listening to you I've changed the way I approach starting a conversation. I repeat that "these are my feelings" and how hurt I am and that we really need to learn to communicate... what I get in response is "I don't know how to fix it" It's a trigger for me and when I respond by saying again We need to talk and plan and brainstorm, I still get I dunno how. I stop. In my head I'm screaming, You DO know how n you just choose to not try! Then the cycle of guilt starts over with me thinking that maybe I'M the problem, maybe I AM overly concerned that we never spend any time together. 🤷‍♀️

[@SingingSealRiana]

I alsways do that, I still get invalidated . . .some people Just really really really donnot want to hear your Side unless you are smiling and telling them they are great

[@ZuerstJesus]

Many people do not / will not react the way you need it (most of the time). You can help them by: - not expecting something from someone - taking alone-times when you recognize that your feelings are too much to handle - saying them directly: "I now need... (from you)" - but if they still cannot help you then you can forgive them and solve the problem by yourself (or with a therapist) - giving the other person one little task to help you. Instead of wanting them to validate your feelings (a very difficult task!) you can ask for a hug, you can ask for a tissue, you can ask them to help you in the household or something else that you know that they can. Why? Because by telling them your feelings you give them the feeling of powerlessness and they cannot handle it. When you ask them for things they CAN do than they are happy that they can help you and this makes you both happy. These are my tips for you.

[@ZuerstJesus]

@@SingingSealRiana And even when you smile and say that they are great they still do not want to hear your side. :D Some do, but not all of them. So you have to let the expectations go and search for persons who treat you right. And the other persons who do not treat you right: I would stay away from them as much as I can.

[@buffuniballer]

Why not validate that he doesn’t know what to do instead of claiming he does, just doesn’t want to. Is it possible he’s had bad experiences trying before, so what he’s saying is he doesn’t know how to without it going sideways like it has before? Don’t invalidate his fear by saying he does know how. Take him at his word and validate what he just said.

[@buffuniballer]

Maybe it’s not you are wrong or he is wrong. It’s just you each want different things. Instead of viewing this as one or both are wrong (which is a form of invalidation) choose to view it as you each have VALID desires that are merely different. Then, if the goal is not to make your case that you are right and he is wrong or vice versa. The goal is to find a way to bridge the gap between what each of you want. Choose to neither invalidate him or your own desires. Choose to find a way to find as much overlap in the two.

[@amandakristal_]

This hits deeply. It's already hard to express feelings into words but even harder when you don't feel seen. It removes a sense of safety.

[@RLaraMoore]

I'm thinking a very important response to your loved ones feelings is to ask (or seek to understand) 'why?'. Why are they feeling that way? 1st: *Care.* Be a safe available place for your loved ones to come to to share, reveal and vent their feelings (thoughts, perspectives, ideas). Not only for your spouse (but especially for your spouse), but also for your children, and close relatives and close friends. 2nd: *Listen without self defense.* Listen to learn what their point of view is. Do not automatically listen in that split minded manner where you are primarily hearing their points so you can 'defend' yourself against any potential accusations. Listening to a loved one's perspective is not about _yOU,_ it is about understanding what _they_ are experiencing. 3rd: *Be a safe place for your loved one to have you ask 'why' they are feeling whatever they are feeling.* Seek to discover 'why' they are feeling as they are. Offer your support as their partner in life to, together, address all things and seek clarity, healthy growth and improvement ongoing. Love one another as God describes Love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

[@parapoiitis2878]

Feelings aren’t facts, but it is a fact that they are feeling X

[@MrQuantumInc]

A lot of men are taught that feelings in general are to be ignored, i.e. you are supposed to pretend they don't exist. When men refuse to take women seriously, they often say it is because of they have too many feelings. These guys have either experienced, or seen someone close to them, lose the respect of their peers because they dared to acknowledge their emotions. So when acknowledging your own feelings feels like a threat, how can you expect them to validate somebody else?

[@jadegreen1554]

Yes ALL feelings deserve to be validated. Validated means not ignoring it. Validation could mean just talking about it. Invalidation means ignoring and shutting down how she feels, not listening and behaving as if it is not your problem that she has feelings. Note: after a long period of invalidation, women start to behave resentfully when expressing their feelings still with the small hope that it will be acknowledged.

[@psycthom]

Validation to me is really just hearing what the person is communicating and treating them as if the emotion was true not necessarily as valid = justified, but rather that you will treat your partner as if their emotions are genuinely happening.

[@DaveE99]

One of my issues is I know the girl I’m seeing constantly personalizes things. So when she brings up issues with other people I am extra curious about what that person actually is doing and what meaning you gave to it, how it made you feel and what you’re doing about it? And me getting specific like this can actually trigger her to feel abandoned etc, like I’ll try to even give her the emotions wheel and needs wheel to ask her what she is on those atm. I can sit with all that, it’s the situation that clearly seems to be a problem they aren’t dealing with whatsoever ever so sometimes it feels like the shifting through the cognitions around it lands on me to kinda figure out. But ugh 😣 like they get triggered and then I even try to point out I need you to work on triggers so we can better have this conversation and at least be concious about how the effect it and it’s frustrating, because the only true intimacy to me is how a dyad fights and they can fight right or wrong, they can attack a problem together or not. If we can’t work through that and Engadge in that vassopressin bonding that occurs as a result of that engadged conflict, like how the heck to you expect to create long term oxytocin binding if you can’t do the stress based vassopressin bonding upfront. Like trust is baked into how a dyad handles conflicts and triggers. And triggers becomes more than just avoiding them, as that’s toxic, which exception of some possible random trauma trigger (like the smell of peppermint etc or what not) but the triggers infront can either prevent connection or enhance it and give oneself more control once worked on. Thus has just been frustrating

[@Madamchief]

You're forgetting that some people don't understand how to talk about their own feelings. I frequently hear people say "I feel like you are..." which is not a feeling but an observation. Discussion of personal feelings starts with "I am..."

[@GenXfrom75]

After a fight once, my husband told me, calmly, that my feelings are my responsibility. And he was absolutely right. Communication has been so much better since.

[@solegonz762]

I had to watch this video 3 times. "Feelings are indicators that something needs to be addressed"

[@miller5170]

And sometimes men or the other half have NO feeling they learned to disregard how it might feel to someone to be in a world with disrespect and never do they get their parter to just stop for a minute and say maybe that’s like when I feel other people are insensitive to me

[@sudenluola2241]

What about the age old example of them waking up angry and upset that you cheated on them in their dream? Sure, validate their emotions since they're real and exist at that moment, but how to do so with boundaries and the expectation that she won't lash out and behave based on those emotions? The emotions are real, but we don't deserve to bear any fallout from what happened in her dream beyond being there for her, validating her emotions and upset as well as listening. We don't need to "take it" when she lashes out or punishes us for what happened in the dream. Differentiating dreams and fiction from reality is important. Her feelings are real, but they don't excuse nor justify punishing her partner who has no part in it. How would you have a conversation about that and realistic expectations?

[@ivonneortega9864]

This is a very good question. Hopefully you will get an answer

[@user-pb7cz5zm6u]

Just say that you love her and you would never do anything like this. It's not about you being bad or smth, it's about her being not sure that you love her that strong as you usted to... You should be grateful that she can share that moments with you, because it's not that easy. I've been married for 14 years and I've seen that kind of dreams a couple of times and I wouldn't tell my husband about them becouse he wouldn't support me anyway...

[@curiousKuro16]

I have a very hard time validating my own feelings after growing up with the constant reminder that "feelings aren't facts" and "im sorry you feel that way but i didnt INTEND it." It didnt make me a better person. It made me a people pleaser who got walked all over and hurt.

[@jc4171]

Your unbelievably helpful and such incredible insights ❤

[@jesd5578]

That last 30 secs is the game changer. Far too many people express their feelings by blaming and attacking. I’ve realised that’s what I was doing wrong. Very difficult to change it. But slowly I am. Each year I get better.

[@whitewolfofeden4076]

I get this. I been going through a lot and been watching your stuff to better help with communication in general. I am one of those people who grow up in a very abusive/ neglectful house hold and raised by a narcissist. I have PTSD/ADHD and PCOS. I had to develop from nothing. I going through a divorce now from a 4 year marriage. Were I was being abused and neglected among other things. I been raising 2 children by myself and Made the mistake of marrying a man who drove my health into the ground and almost killed me without having to lay a finger on me because of stress. I know that because of my past and how I was raised that I might never have a healthy relationship and that's what sad cause it's going to take someone with complete compassion and understanding and patience to deal with me. I am always so upfront that I going to have issues and that I just want to talk about it. An that I will have irrational fears and I know they are. An I always say the same thing if it's to much or anything I will understand. I might be hurt or if you need to walk away please do. In the end I gotten to the point were I feel like I am reaching for fire and just going to get burned. An it feels like no matter what I do or how hard I work on my flaws or communication that I am just not able to be heard or seen. I feel like I am missing a big key or I am just the best target for bad people?

[@kiyasuihito]

This isn’t a women's only issue either. A lot of men have faced being invalidated and dismissed out whole lives too. The key is to validate feelings without compromising the truth. It's unloving and unkind to both invalidate feelings of others as well as allow them to remain in a falsehood (living with an inaccurate view of reality undrmines our wellbeing and our ability to navigate life wisely). This is a lesson I've needed to learn the hardway at work. I tend to be a validator, but found I compromised truth in the way I was doing it, and was getting into tough situations because of it.

[@semidemiurge]

val·i·da·tion The action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something. I think part of the problem is using the term validation. A better descriptor would be recognizing. I recognize the feelings you are experiencing, but I might not necessarily validate that they are appropriate for the situation. Yes, I am making a judgment of another person's feelings, and this may seem off-putting to some people. Just because a person has a certain feeling does not automatically make it out of bounds for analysis/critique. We would not automatically accept as valid a person's opinion on a particular topic and consider it out of bounds for analysis/critique. If we disagree with the person's opinion, we would offer our alternative opinion; why should this be any different when discussing a person's feelings? Their feelings could be as inappropriate or mistaken as their opinion on a topic.

[@wilsonpun1915]

Hey there, Firstly, I really appreciate your insight on validating feelings in relationships. It's clear you’re an expert in this area, and I respect where you're coming from. However, I find myself viewing things a bit differently based on my own experiences. Sometimes, I feel like there's an expectation for men to always be in a position to offer empathy, even when we’re not in the right headspace. At least in my case, It's not that I don't want to be supportive; it's just that there are times when I'm not equipped to deal with her emotional issues, especially if they stem from deep-seated causes unrelated to our relationship. I agree that it's important to acknowledge your partner's feelings, but I also believe it's essential to maintain a balance. Constantly being asked to solve or deeply empathize with every emotional issue can be draining, especially when the expectation is that my reaction should align with a specific response, even if it doesn't come naturally to me at that moment. Sometimes, I don’t feel like saying anything. I'm all for being empathetic and supportive, but I also think it's important for both partners to understand and respect each other's emotional states and limitations. Sometimes, I might not react in the expected way, not because I don't care, but because I’m built differently, and my emotional bandwidth might be stretched thin at that time. Thanks for sparking this conversation. It's a complex issue, and hearing different perspectives is always enlightening. Thanks,

[@Dalenaxx3]

Facts. My bf mostly doesn’t take my feelings seriously. I don’t even wanna open up to him anymore

[@schokoladenjunge1]

My ex, in most situations, when she was upset with me for something she wanted or expected, but didnt communicate, would go into a mode of passive aggression and say stuff of the accord of "if you cared at all you wouldnt do this" or "youre always just cold and dont care" and she hit my empathy nerve 100% with it. I felt awful for hearing it and froze everytime. But in the end it was often more her blaming me for some emotional dysregulation she was feeling. In the end we didnt stay together. We had built too many expectations for the other to react a certain way to engage in conversation about serious topics anymore.

[@ricardajames5769]

Everyone deserves to feel validation.

[@Zmiana_Pogody]

These days men start to feel, express and need validation to their feelings as well. Soon they will be on the similar positions as women. (Or gey men, among whom some already are similar in emotionality to women.) So the faster they learn to understand this the better! For example: a great couple that I know recently broke down because she finally wants marriage and kid (her biological clock is ticking), and he wants to focus on the career & stay free for longer. Who's feelings are more important? No ones! Both of them have their goals and the tragedy is that they have different dreams. 200 years ago they would not have THIS problem, because they would already have 5 or 10 kids as people didn't have birth control back than. (200 years ago they would simply have different problems, probabely worse... She or he could be dead already, not to mention half of their kids 🤯) Thank you for your content! ❤️‍🔥🙏

[@rd6458]

I wish people talked more about what they want out of a relationship, long term goals, shared values, etc., before dating or jumping in bed together, because it can lead to one partner being strung along, and the other feeling rushed. I tend to sympathize with the former more, only because sex is still expected...even though nothing is being given in return (no commitment, no promise of a shared future, etc.). If the person who wanted to be "free longer" wasn't expecting sex - especially the procreative kind - then I would be equally as sympathetic to both points. These days it's hard to find someone willing to forgo that kind of consequential intimacy, and even with BC, there are still consequences, as nothing is 100% effective. I just wish that men like this didn't string women along, and that women were more discerning BEFORE getting involved so that both sides can find someone more suitable to their wants and needs. Just my two cents.

[@trebmaster]

Sometimes, feelings are signals that one is rooted in giving over to selfishness. The very reason they experience a feeling of, say, contempt over someone's success - could be because they have cultivated a proclivity to have a selfish reaction to something that then causes a negative feeling for something that's either trivial or even good. I think if we are morally consistent, we have to say that not every single feeling must be validated, but if the person has good will and is working against their ego, sure, we should validate them. Sometimes though, the correct immediate response is to say they really ought to try to overcome that because the feeling is showing up in the factually wrong place and time.

[@getawaywithpam]

Oh wow!! On point. Thank you

[@LittleLulubee]

SUCH a logical, caring view ❤

[@TheBaumcm]

Truer words, Jimmy, truer words. This goes for both sides too. Feelings are symptoms. They aren’t permanent or tangible, but they can impact your view of reality and should be taken seriously as such. If a partner feels blown off, even if it is unintended, that can lead to resentment and contempt.

[@samiscebba4332]

Don't be so afraid to lose someone that you never accept when you mess up. That will destroy things for sure..

[@InvisiblerApple]

Using examples like this made it very clear. But I think it's important to bring in that idea where it's the two of you dealing with the problem. You may not be looking at it from the same angle, but outside of abusive situations, *neither* of you *is* the problem.

[@rachaelcaruso7096]

0:07 Thank you so much for this!! The first bf I had thought this way, and I now know that men won’t find a woman who doesn’t have feelings. If they treat people well, they’ll have to: only date men or accept that women’s feelings are important. 1:18 I LOVE what you teach - thank you so much for making the world a better place!! ❤

[@ashiff7781]

Your last sentence just summed up my whole life...😮

[@jessoakley3746]

Your material is so enlightening. Between your videos and other material on dysfunctional signs, I feel like I’m better at identifying those qualities. That said, could you expand your material on what healthy relationships look like. I know you cover it, but there’s generally less info available on these qualities and how to identify them. If possible, can you emphasize things a healthy, prospective partner might say? Kindest regards and gratitude for your work!

[@ninjycoon]

Here's my problem. I've noticed that some people in my life don't seem to understand the difference between disagreeing with them and invalidating them. I will ask questions and figure out why they felt something and validate the feeling but when I explain that the feeling is based on a misunderstanding they tell me I'm invalidating them and trying to avoid taking responsibility for hurting them.

[@lyndakersnick4743]

I wish more men understood that validation of our feelings is a key to unlocking our femininity. If a woman feels seen, heard and understood, it opens up a whole other level of intimacy. You’re not weak for showing your wife this side of you, if anything you’re stronger. And I can assure you, you’d be happier in general, but especially in the bedroom.. Just saying…

[@rd6458]

Exactly. Not to mention that those who complain about women's "irrational" feelings, suddenly have a change of heart when they themselves are feeling that emotion of anger...I notice when they are mad or upset about something, they are allowed to break their own rule, and suddenly the "logic and facts" go out the window, and they get to react (or overreact) when it suits them. This isn't true for all, of course, but many...even those who claim to think women are too "irrational" and "emotional."

[@buffuniballer]

@@rd6458and conversely, they are told they shouldn’t be angry. They should not feel what they feel. No one has a unique lock on the invalidation of feelings.

[@crystalH30]

Yessssssss…..wow your amazing !

[@pyr666]

"(their feelings) being dismissed their whole life" like is the normal lived experience for men? the same thing that allows women to put their feelings above their male partners? something I see a lot of psych people miss in so much of this is "if I (a man) were behaving like my girlfriend is right now, I would be expected to change my attitude or behavior"

[@thecomputerguy6335]

One of the things that you could potentially focus on is giving an explanation of the difference between agreeing with someone and validating their feelings, as one of the things I've noticed is that you seem to say that just because you validate doesn't mean you have to agree with them. Where to most people they are one in the same if they don't know what the difference actually looks like in this context then it could be harder for them to put things into practice. As well as where you have some videos that put what you say into practice from when things are going wrong you could also make some examples in the context of people that are able to be open with eachother and being able to settle things before they become much of a problem, just to give some contrast from behaviour to look out for to what sort of stuff a healthy couple would do. Obviously every relationship will look different, but showing what the difference between healthy proactive communication and reactive communication in terms of problems may prove helpful to people.

[@thecomputerguy6335]

Although I haven't had the chance yet of being able to get into a romantic relationship still being 18, I always try to approach a situation from the perspective of understanding and trying to address problems rather than blaming people for things, where already putting into practice quite a lot of things you have talked about and onboarding stuff that hasn't come up yet in life, where with basically everyone around me because I always try my best to help people while still keeping my own boundaries and trying to always be respectful to people, it generates a lot of respect back, and it shows for everyone that I know and interact with, as well as allowing people to know how I react when they bring stuff up. Being on the spectrum means I had to learn quite a lot of social stuff manually, and how sometimes people just want to vent, want some validation, or want help with a problem and knowing when they want what. But quite a lot of the stuff you talk about doesn't nessicerily apply to just a partner but to all your relationships. And something that I heard a while back, relationships shouldn't just be about giving and taking, but about being the best version of yourself for the person you love. Not saying that you should just be who your partner wants to be, but to be yourself, look after yourself, and to be responsible for yourself and what matters most to you, so that the person you love can do the same. A health amount of communication and trust goes a long way, and as something that I do is always try and look at stuff through the other person's perspective, as this can go a long way in helping to get on the same page as someone. Giving them time to explain their point. And understanding what the problem is rather than what you think it is means you've given them the space to explain the problem and that you have asked questions and expressed wanting to understand them, then after you have both identified the problem and letting them feel heard then you can workshop on a solution together, as sometimes what they want may not be sustainable, but the act of understanding and minimising the problem as much as possible can go a long way in relationships. I know myself I have more of a problem with opening up and sharing things with people due to growing up that way, only getting other people involved when nessicary for the solution or I know they could help. My autism making my head very good at problem solving, also prone to info dumping if something relevant comes up, if IRL it's usually a lot more controlled when explaining answers rather than reasoning, but I've also grown to be quite self aware, for things I have info on at least. But yeah, and for those that read all this just want to say thanks and I know I can shift multiple times if my brain thinks it's relevant to explain

[@lindaalfonso9065]

Maybe it’s not validating but just listening and understanding their perspective. Talking about it. Maybe it’s coming from somewhere within and just being aware it it helps them address where and why it’s coming about.

[@naynay3174]

Ladies, please have self awareness though, of how incredibly exhausting you can be if you’re constantly needing validation. If you’re always up in your feelings and always upset and emotional about something. I’m just being real. If your man is neglecting you or gaslighting etc in any way, get yourself together and walk away if you need to.

[@Eman-tw5nr]

Hey Jimmy :) you helped me a lot but I have a question : you make videos about I can how to fix the relationship and other ones where you say you shouldn't bend over backwards for someone who doesn't cares at all... Can you maybe make some content about how one can see the difference between a dead relationship where just one person cares and a relationship where it's possible to turn things around? Because sometime I have the feeling I did everything I can and the only option I have is to leave and other times I have the feeling if I myself do this or that different maybe my partner and I will find a better way to communicate... But where is the line?

[@mshuneebee7752]

His inner hurt child and lack of desire to heal himself…..even acknowledging there is one is sooooo draining and pushing me away. But he just claims up. Keep posting tho cause playing your vids I don’t of him help.

[@Rukun002]

a better word might be acknowledging

[@harnold7602]

Are these stereotypes or are women just more likely to express in that way? At one point, i was in a relationship with a man was too emotional, too sensitive, and too needy. It was very difficult trying to find a non hurtful way of explaining to him that just because he didn't feel loved enough did not make it true. It was actually the opposite, i didnt just love him i was in love and i told him everyday. It the end it was so exhausting dealing with his constant emotions that I gave up and ended the relationship. In my experience, people who can't be rational enough to analyze their feelings and regulate their emotions, are not mature enough to be in a relationship.

[@dannyd7426]

Gold

[@DIVAD291]

"Feelings aren't right or wrong, they're signals in our bodies that something need to be addressed" Signals have the capacity to be right or wrong based on wether what they indicate is accurate or not. Stop the emotional manipulation.

[@nadyatytian279]

Validation is a form of acknowledgement. But what does "I'm feeling disconnected, so I'm going for a walk" actually mean?

[@katleho-annkk8378]

❤❤

[@macanoe5335]

Please give examples of how to validate the feeling, even if the facts or the intention were not that!

[@iamlukeanning]

Can this be the same for guys?

[@blackvolt1000]

This is helpful but still not sure what to do/how to handle it when invalid thinking (selfish/unfactual) repeatedly lead to feelings that are negative and hurtful. At some point, to stop the cycle dont we need to address the incorrect thinking? Ex: I cant leave the house because everyone is judging me.

[@sunnydaze448]

You are so beautiful 😍 your advice really helps me 💚

[@Cateyes937]

💞

[@keleighwilkins8889]

Jimmy … I’m trying to get my husband on board w being healthy and learning about .. I guess listening to me and what’s important to me. I’ve sent him some videos of yours and he says he doesn’t “get” them .. he is old school (67) & only knows of his Gparents type of relationships and thinks I’m making things too hard. I’m not quite sure how to convince him that there’s more and it’s worth the work. I went so far as to offer him in a calm serious way that maybe we aren’t meant for each other then. 🤷‍♀️ it’s weird how he isn’t a dumb man but doesn’t “get” any of the things u talk about it I talk about… I’m confused, he knows English language so how hard can it be to “get”??

[@raizaintilian]

This is what I’m dealing with my ex

[@xochitlduran4650]

Amen🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@TheWrenad]

I feel this advice empowers the avoidant or narcissist to begin a gaslight. I think this is terrible advise for a relationship where one party seeks to dominate or control

[@nnylasoR]

‼️TYPO ALERT‼️ Unfortunately, the captions say “…dismissing them *and validating…* when it should say *INvalidating.*

[@ShondaMorse-qu4ft]

‼️✨🕊️👑☯️👍😌👌☯️👑🕊️✨‼️ #ThankYouJimmy

[@SingingSealRiana]

There IS a big difference between validating someones Feelings and validating their perception. One does Not feel judging someone, one feels Hurt and that can least to one judging someone. Big difference. When you do Something specific I feel objectified or treated Like a trophy or whatever IS very different from causeing someone of only seeing Themas a trophy and they are a terrible Person for IT. Feeling Jalousie IS valid, and acusation of cheating over having Changes a few words with someone of your Partners Sex . . . Thats neither a Feeling nornvalid

[@godssword6501]

This is true to some extent since you know the coming saying. "I'll be your rock." Opposite side being "I'll be a soft place for you to land." But this is still beta cope

[@gregb5121]

@JimmyKnowles Nice vid as always! :D Just in case important, i noticed a small typo at 1:20 - perhaps should be invalidating them (not validating them)? kzbin.info/www/bejne/l2bMaWmFjs6Mabssi=9SOfZKU97pmeqlve&t=76

[@Heavy_Weponsguy.TF2.]

You’re like dadvocate.

[@ajregalia1334]

Follow up, how do you react/validate your partners feelings if they are framing them as you stated at 0:56 and they treat your validation as an admission of guilt? "You agree this thing you always do upsets me? SO then you agree you're the problem? No? So then you're hearing but not listening, if you ever actually listened to me you'd see why what you're always doing hurts me and you'd stop doing it."

[@b1ngnx33]

STAY SINGLE!!!!! NONE OF THIS DRAMA!!!!! NO BS! NO CRAP! FREEDOM!!!

[@animagamer2]

Why do we always need to protect women from pain though? Is that really our role as men? Should it be? The world tells us to toughen up and be better. What do we tell women?

[@Ashbringer36]

Traditions are a buffet for modern women. They get to choose how much of the male experience they actually want. Very few are willing to take on the full burden

[@BussyBuster69]

Give'em a script Doc, what should my male identifying friends say to validate the feelings of thier partners without rolling over on the issue that lead to those feelings?

[@Frejborg]

lol Guaranteed even with a perfect script from Jimmy, if someone wants to accuse, they will.