Do narcissists KNOW THEY ARE narcissists?

[@shsummers]

If they're gaslighting their victim, then they must know what they're doing, almost by definition. Gaslighting is intentional, strategic, and cruel, full stop.

[@kelleclark]

I don't care if THEY know it...I KNOW IT AND I'VE MOVED ON :)

[@netosampaio8548]

I'm truly glad for you. However, obviously you don't have kids with them. Having kids with them puts you in a jail without walls, where they are correctional officer, warden, and even executioner. And the verdict is "life without parole".

[@camelotenglishtuition6394]

AMEN!

[@UgoUgolaice]

Simple

[@flightmama3191]

​@@netosampaio8548DON'T BELIEVE THAT, I JUST LEFT 42.5 YEARS WITH THREE ADULT CHILDREN, THEY ARE HELPING ME BREAK FREE INTO UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND RESPECT AND THEY ARE ALL EACH THE BEST GIFTS AND SUPPORT SYSTEM ❤🎉❤🎉❤Make a plan even if its putting 10. Away every time you get groceries or something else, it can come a day that Once U know it just seems to seriously get WAY worse ❤🎉❤I love U and support U as U R🎉🎉🎉U R WORTHY ❤❤❤

[@cyndim8785]

Madea said ” Sometimes you just have to let people go, LET’EM GO!”

[@RianneMision]

Every true villain can tell you why they think they’re actually the good guy.

[@caroleminke6116]

Mine talked incessantly about what a nice guy he is… finally admitted he has a harsh side to a therapist but cannot do anything about it when he won’t change his behavior except superficially to look good while inside he’s actually a raging two year old monster

[@bradfaulkner9597]

Funny that people think life is like a movie and there are "good guys" and "bad guys". If you have a strong need to demonize and dehumanize people like a lot of people obsessed with narcissism, then you're probably doing a lot projecting.

[@annaburns2865]

“Ooo look what you made me do.”-TS

[@ivizz100]

Exactly this. They excuse even the worst thing possible by making themselves to be the victim, and that whatever you did/said (or didn't do, didn't say) actually made them do that. Zero responsibility and accountability is a common denominator here.

[@briandorsey6437]

@@bradfaulkner9597na bud….Many people in this world blatantly turn into bad people. Things are very black and white sometimes and with many humans. Your comment is weak and you probably don’t want to process a bunch about yourself is my guess.

[@extinctionlevelevent1431]

I recently asked my 70+ yr old mom to choose to stop spreading damage. She went silent. Then the very next morning she came back and said matter of factly “I can’t do that.” Choosing to stop damaging people isn’t even an option for them. For me, that proves that narcissists know exactly what they’re doing to people.

[@AM-cg2sg]

I tend to agree with you. My older narc sister has spread damage forever. And continues to do so anytime she is with anyone...hence a large family is totally disconnected now..even from her to a great extent. I always think she lacks self-soothing when she doesn't like something. And she needs to be better than others. It is just how she lives.

[@extinctionlevelevent1431]

@@AM-cg2sg You’re right. I think it all just boils down to the saying “Hurt people, Hurt people (others).” For whatever reason they weren’t able to process and overcome the trauma and/or lack that they experienced growing up. As such, narcissists don’t really operate in reality. They only see things from the perspective of the reality they’ve created in their minds. Helping them to change how they perceive reality is key to changing their damaging behaviors.

[@seabreeze4559]

no it's sadism @@extinctionlevelevent1431

[@cindylutz7442]

My dad insists damaging others is necessary if they've hurt him. (Can't remember the phrase he used.) He seems to be completely sincere and perplexed that anyone would question it. He'd also pre-emptively damage people, if he feared they might eventually say something unpleasant about him?

[@extinctionlevelevent1431]

@@cindylutz7442 Exactly! It’s truly scary how they perceive and interpret things in their minds.

[@ERICA-qp4np]

My issue is when health care providers say one cannot be diagnosed with narcissism unless they come to a provider with recognized failures in their life due to their behavior. It's crazy to think they can't be diagnosed unless they recognize it

[@aynilaa]

In our society, their behaviour often gets rewarded, so many of them won't face issues in their lives. And if they do, it's other people's fault.

[@lt827]

Like Dr Ramani often says, it’s an issue that causes problems for other people. People go to therapy to get help for themselves. Why would someone seek help for something when they don’t even see that there is a problem?

[@petrairene]

Yes, when it is a condition that makes it rather unlikely that they will seek out a healthcare provider and that if they do so they are likely not truthful in what they tell them.

[@lt827]

@@petrairene Yes. Narcissism is what my shrink calls ego-syntonic which means the beliefs reinforce themselves. Mental illnesses like depression are the opposite: ego-dystonic.

[@malwads1836]

Mental health disorders have to either cause distress to patients themselves...Or cause distress to others to the point of impairing how the narc does life at 🏠,work,etc.They USUALLY go undiagnosed so it's up to the rest of us to know the DSM 5 criteria for NPD as well as other cluster B personality disorders in order to protect ourselves & our families.Even some therapists have noted that many victims can reliably tell if a person they know well has NPD...They just usually don't say this due to potential liability concerns.

[@marie22213]

I finally got away from my narc and I'm living alone. I finally scraped up the funds to get internet & now I'm able to watch your videos fully! ❤

[@milkygacha6153]

I’m so happy for you!!! I’m working on leaving to

[@grannymabel]

Well done you ..the Internet saved me before I had the funds to do therapy and I still vist dr ramini

[@StolenSweetroll64]

Congratulations, you can finally do whatever you want yay !!! 💕

[@jj1985vid]

That's wonderful news! So happy for you - that is absolutely amazing for how difficult it is to do in this market. Enjoy your sacred space! 💕

[@YuyiLeal]

Nice story!

[@catherinedao1592]

The guy I have just left, he thoughts he is a nice and unicorn. He used to blame on everyone else but never himself. He knew that he is a difficult guy sometimes but his excuse that he has high standards on everything. 😢😢😢 . He allowed himself to criticised everyone around included me. He allowed to drive like lunatic but angry on others drivers. Very angry easily, complain a lot, stress often with little things happened not the ways he likes. Thanks to Dr. Ramani, who open my eyes about narcissistic, helping me say Goodbye to him very quickly and happily. Much appreciated your knowledge and sharing to community.

[@rcomyns4664]

Delusional, the perfect word for narcs. It helps them justify anything. Thank you again and again!

[@ReviewsChannel-e4r]

45's a prime example of a delusional narcissist. A rabbit hole of malignant narcissism.

[@purplesprigs]

I married one of these monsters. She spent decades bed-hopping and blaming it on me: "If you paid more attention to me..." She has gotten much worse with age. She is now (at age 60) completely consumed by her disorder. I pity those who share my plight.

[@rcomyns4664]

@@purplesprigs feels like freedom when you break away from these toxic individuals.

[@boohere2]

The narcissist that I dated , she didn't have like a lot of friends. She just never hung out with any. I was in a long distance relationship with her. She just never told me oh like I am going to the movies or out to dinner with a friend/co-worker. Just anyone in general! Her family lived far far away in another state. But...I asked her why she never had any friends she hung out with. She said she spoke her mind & people get offended. As for her family, she never really talked about her family much. I even asked when was the last time she saw them. She was like years ago. I was surprised cuz if you are close to your family, you should try to visit them more. She talked about her mom somewhat and 1 sister only. Even though she had other siblings and a dad. It was odd. Then also...at one point she admitted to me she was insecure. It blew my bind. It seemed like she had all her ducks in a row. With working at this high company to paying for her own stuff. I asked what is she insecure about? She said everything. Again blew my mind. Then again looking back on it, narcissist are REALLY insecure. When things became a shit show with us, I called her a blank narcissist. I sent her 2 articles on narcissist. She didn't even say she was not one. She just kinda took it like okay so what?

[@rickkwitkoski1976]

Yeah... my wife

[@juliannajones6016]

My husband asked his parents (my in-laws) to apologize. They couldn’t give an honest, sincere apology. We met with the in person and my husband (the golden child) was convinced that they would apologize- they just rationalized and justified their poor behavior. Finally, we had a phone conversation with them and my husband explained what a straightforward, real apology looks like- they couldn’t do it and were angry at him for asking. I think my husband is finally realizing that they will never have true empathy nor ownership. He was depressed after the phone call knowing that they do have narcissistic tendencies.

[@bvalle20]

don't forget the vulnerable 'poor me' narcissists... the world is against them etc. men using this are master narcs

[@hollyk7052]

Narcs will also victimize others, then mock them for their reactions, like “oh poor you I’m so terrible I just love to belittle you” (said sarcastically while mocking you or insulting you in that moment). Allergy to accountability. Lack of empath. Easily triggered. Chronic fault finders. I tried defending myself emotionally (a day I came home from the hospital diagnosed with epilepsy from a tbi and stress) and i was told my negative energy (just resting quietly on the couch) was creating a massive problem which made them blow up. I was not paying them attention, that was the problem. They hate being forced to show empathy but they ADORE giving criticism. I was told to just be an adult and walk away if I don’t want to accept their actions. I’ve not done anything EVER to justify screaming. Then I avoided them and grey rocked successfully until they blew up again and called me names for not engaging in a toxic screaming match right back. I still kept my cool but stated I don’t need contact when I’m being treated poorly and she made fun of that too. Any apology or admission was done in a mocking tone to dismiss and devalue. I was told to be better for making small mistakes like forgetting to clean out the lent unintentionally & after being yelled the worst insults I’ve ever heard -I was still told I’m the problem. You scream at me or hurt my feelings but I’m not a victim. I make you uncomfortable by not feeding your ego, you’re the victim and can ab*se me. Not anymore lol which is really why they’re pissed off, any time you show autonomy or agency they feel threatened and unglue. They’ll say everyone has problems if I bring up a struggle to bring context to the narrative of failure they play on me, while I used the same mentality to forgive their inappropriate actions for too long. We all self pity and for good reason or sometimes not, but narcs lack empathy and see people’s struggles in general as unimportant, inconvenient or manipulative. Confrontation is based on their highly sensitive nature though, especially to your rejection (which could just be a boundary, saying no, not following their exact orders, not paying them attention). I think the victim thing is usually to deflect or make you feel responsible for their actions and feelings. It’s a circular confusing painful ‘relationship’. If they TRULY feel nothing is ever good enough, which must be exhausting and breed contempt easily. If you bend over backwards to serve them but there’s a lapse in attention, control or supply, the narc will be enraged that their entitled standards not being met and blame you. They justify their every action and shame you for introspection, self growth, and joy, because they’re so unhappy. I’m untethering and not feeling guilt for it hurting my feelings. You are very right but I don’t want actual victims of their behavior to forget it’s okay to not accept it and be hurt.

[@pinkmeadows]

Im not all that concerned on whether they know or not that theyre narcs. im just concerned that I know and get away from or avoid them.

[@mac-ju5ot]

Let me tell me that's a huge minefield

[@malwads1836]

Smart👍🏻👍🏻!

[@Stardustpal25]

😂😭🤣😎👍

[@biondna7984]

Those phrases: "I'm honest: I say what I think. If you don't like it, that's your problem." Heard all THAT for 24 years, from my first husband. The first few years, I thought, he's such a great guy! WHERE are all his friends? Afterwards, there was no mystery left why he had so few friends. He burned through most of them, and finally me too. I don't regret our marriage; I got two wonderful sons from it. I only regret all the pain they've gone through, and still endure. I'm here for them and myself, to heal ourselves.

[@rickkwitkoski1976]

Yeah... my wife!

[@biondna7984]

Darn.@@rickkwitkoski1976

[@ceuazul812]

My mom and a entire life saying this. Actually she always talk about herself as a sincere person to justify her behavior towards others. It took me 35 five years to find out that I'm narcissist's daughter. At least now I understand the reason of everything that happened to me.😮

[@aynilaa]

My sister believes she's highly empathic and doesn't understand why others say she's so negative. But she also thinks everybody who's nice is fake. And she's not fake, she's "direct" and "authentic". So she's aware to some degree.

[@KJ-lb4tj]

So she has good understanding of others emotions... It's just that she uses that info instead of to bless but to judge and needle and attack

[@SailBale007]

This is my older sister as well

[@mdjulker9]

this is projection. What actually they think of others, are themselves.

[@Anon00113]

My oldest sister too

[@tungstenanderson5991]

@@KJ-lb4tj She doesn't. She is rude and considers anyone who disagrees with her, as the person who has the problem.

[@stevechitty5861]

Thank you this explains the look of shock my mother gave to me when I called her a nassasist. She had abused me for years. She felt really hurt when I was finally brave enough to tell her exactly what I think of her.

[@מלי-ש4ג]

My mother is this type of person . I never dared telling her what i think about her horrible behaviour . I knew she wil take even more revange of me than usual . And the usual was more than enough . Ectually it was unberebale. She made sure she kept all the power & very often used it...

[@PassionateFlower]

Did you hurt your abusive entitled mother's widdle feewingz by calling her out for exactly what she is? The audacity of you!😤The nerve!

[@AllTheHappySquirrels]

Good for you for speaking the truth! I know how hard it is to finally stand up the abusive narcissist. You did the thing! 👏👏👏

[@carolcote1596]

Just turned 17 years old. My mother refused to help me out of a abusive relationship she encouraged me to be in… She abandoned all of her four children. I wonder what her childhood was like. Probably much of the something… Cold unfriendly Grandmother had 13 babies, one died.

[@SusanStriepe]

Wait for the revenge, it will follow!

[@Jettypilelegs]

My soon-to-be ex is insulated by his wealth, expensive education and self pity. I grew up with a foster family who didn’t particularly like me and have lived on the streets. I’m also disabled, and he as well as many of our friends think he is wonderful and generous. I must have been so simple to pick up. I was definitely easy to victimise, I just need a regular source of food and a roof over my head. Still, I’ve learned that extreme poverty is preferable to narcissistic abuse and that I’m just as valuable as the next person. I’ve hung on too long because ending the relationship will detonate my entire life and security, but nothing is worth what I have gone through. Thank you Dr Ramani for opening my eyes to covert narcissism.

[@jj1985vid]

I too, and so many others are in that same predicament...please know you are not alone. Peace.

[@MO-vt4kk]

You do have self worth, hold on to it and believe in it no matter what comes.

[@garyneilson3075]

"hold fast"! (1Thess.5 :21)

[@patrickh.8165]

You will do well, you have insight, take care of yourself!!

[@garyneilson3075]

"make sure of all things, hold fast to what is fine" (1Thess.5 :21)

[@annavetrova8200]

I was an unaware narcissist until my late 20's. I genuinely thought I'm always right (because if I came to a conclusion it must have been for a reason 🙈). I was a golden child following parents' path. And then my path got broken, had a terrible divorce, saw how there's no true connection with parents, and my eyes started to open slowly. Came to therapy in early 30's and the first thing I heard from my therapist is that I'm a narcissist 😅. Since then I'm working on myself, true confidence and self security, self awareness, genuine connections, empathy, etc., and I'm truely happy now. I'm so happy I could break the chain!

[@R.E.STARS24]

Glad u are helping yourself! Not many do

[@MissPierce-jd3wk]

Watching these videos, it's pretty clear to me that I have a lot of these behaviors and so I am wondering, am I a narcissist? Maybe I am. I can honestly say that I've been in and out of therapy for ages and it has never once been suggested. The crazy thing is that I keep asking, "What am I doing wrong? Why are my relationships all failing? Obviously, I'm the problem here but what am I doing wrong?" and I've never had any real answer. I'm in therapy now (again) and working on it (again) because I DO want love and connection ( I ALWAYS DID) but I think I grew up in a narcissistic family and that it's been going on a long time (generations). So, one thing I struggle with watching Dr. Ramani's videos is that she really demonizes the narcissist and sees them as terrible villains. Don't get me wrong, it's clear to me now that both of my parents are narcissists and this explains the abuse my sibling and I suffered. It explains our own terrible behaviors. It doesn't excuse them but it explains a lot. I am not sure if I am a narcissist. My head is spinning trying to understand "do I have empathy or not? have I been lying to myself? do I feel love? what are these things that I feel if they are not love or empathy?" it's very confusing. All of this to say, no matter what, I want to heal. I want to be a better person. I want to let love in. But along the way, I have been awful...just awful. And looking back it doesn't feel calculated or malevolent. It was immature, angry, unable to self soothe, wounded, a freaking mess...but was it on purpose? I don't think so. I do wish Dr. Ramani would speak on the subject of narcissists that want to heal and how to tell if you are a narcissist. Maybe she has and I just haven't seen it yet. Anyway, her videos are really helpful but also confusing from the point of view of someone that could be a narcissist. Sorry for the ramble.

[@matikramer9648]

🍀

[@estera6001]

@@MissPierce-jd3wkshe had a lot of videos about “what does a narcissist mean”, just search for

[@MLundgren-oz2gn]

So it sounds curable, is it?

[@hayleyzimmass1775]

So many narcissists, so little time. Thank U, Dr Ramani for helping us add to our intuitive tool box..

[@nedam9667]

A little digression... " you're looking gorgeous, in green" 💚💚💚💚💚💌❣️

[@UnstableYT-u7k]

A lot of narcissists who know they’re narcissists take great pride in their narcissism. Some will even compete with other self-aware narcs to prove who’s the bigger narc.

[@erinward2983]

That superiority complex. Yep, they identify with each other..

[@PassionateFlower]

Yes I've observed this too

[@FayAlexGG]

Sounds like a fate worse than death to be surrounded by a bunch of miserable assholes

[@malwads1836]

Disgusting isn't it🤢?

[@SCH292]

I say it depends on the narcissist, the situation and the "type of narcissist" that person is. Like how I always rant to you guys about my mom. Mom is a Covert.

[@greylarue5061]

If they know they don’t care. They can still know and still see themselves as a victim. I had to learn this the hard way.

[@erinward2983]

Narcissists "know" they are special. They "know" the rules don't apply to them.

[@hayleyzimmass1775]

Only their rules apply

[@chriscunningham8807]

But their rules do apply to other people. It's like watching Nazis barking orders at people trapped inside their concentration camps.

[@asdf9890]

This jerk I work with, kept asking me “why” about rules at work…dude, I don’t know why, but the company said so, so do/don’t do it! 😅😡 like he’s trying to convince me to break the rules so he doesn’t do it alone…nope!

[@sonnybobsquarepants266]

I just wanted to thank you for educating me on narcissism and how to deal with narcissists. I have learnt a lot from your channel and your videos are very empowering

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Excellent. Many many people throw that word narcissist around without even knowing what Narcissist is

[@agjota]

What would be the best way to deal with a narcissistic friend, based on what you've learnt?

[@sonnybobsquarepants266]

@@agjota set clear boundaries, use the grey rock method, limit the time you spend with him or her, nurture your healthy relationships. This is what I’ve learnt from this channel

[@iaroslavakornach]

I feel like they know that there is something wrong with them, that they are different

[@malwads1836]

...But they often will try to spin it like it's somehow funny or cute that they're like that as part of the gaslighting🤢.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

I disagree.

[@chriscunningham8807]

When they form a group they are oblivious. They view the victim as weird and strange. Shit does not stick to Teflon.

[@babydii3487]

They definitely know that something is wrong with them. Most people don't even know about narcissism

[@davidhalldurham]

Yep, just as narcissism is on a spectrum, the self-recognition of narcissism is on a spectrum. The most significant narcs I've had in my life were completely clueless. The female covert narc thought she was the sweetest person in the world...and she'd go into a rage if you didn't agree with her.

[@SparkleAndShine-hh5vv]

Do the clueless ones pretend to be clueless??

[@ReviewsChannel-e4r]

That ish she referred to is like that feeling in the back of their mind but giving it NO thought.

[@janetparker8373]

I'm the burned out wife (now ex-wife) and yes, he found someone new. I wish her luck.

[@slickc3891]

Same!! He married her and now she's miserable - and stuck!!🎉

[@geric.5183]

The communal narcissist genuinely worked hard at maintaining her saintly veneer while expertly manipulating friends and family to be in control of everything. if you thought otherwise she would isolate you and set you up to be humiliated. Covertly malignant……terrifying. She knew she was an excellent actor.

[@be83]

The narc in my life is also a communal narc and I believe they are unaware that they are a narcissist. They believe they are the pillar of their community. No one ever holds them accountable. Especially family. We all learned it's easier to roll with the punches. I like the fact that you said covertly malignant because my narc is like that too. Family was sacred and pure and if you weren't watch out. Most of the time it was "bearable" per se but sometimes they would just burst like a balloon. It didn't happen everyday or week, but you better watch out for that unbalanced balloon. I liked your comment very much, in other words.

[@dosmatrix4470]

After everything I've experienced over the last 16 months I actually don't think the majority know who they are. My ex was a Covert Narcissist,from all I've reflected on,but always claimed to be an empath. Every couple of months she would have a complete breakdown but the next day it was as if things were great. She would gaslight like no one else I've ever experienced before to the point I thought she had a neurological disorder related to memory retention.

[@redrack2155]

Relate and I'm experiencing this for the last 24 years.

[@taom9004]

I actually thought my husband of 30+ years was suffering from early onset dementia. Made him see a doctor about it. He was not well pleased, LOL. Was almost vengeful when he told me the doc said his memory was FINE, thank you, which he did not understand would make me dig in and hold him more accountable for what was true. Then things got really bad. I am free, now, for six years, three of them really really good, once I got a handle on what was really going on and got clear of the trauma bond.

[@KAT-dg6el]

Covert narcissist or complex PTSD?

[@88freighttrain]

I suspect it gives them a sense of superiority w/o a mirror.

[@daeclipse03]

I asked my ex one time "how was your day yesterday, what did you do" her reply "I don't remember " lime huh!?! She was cheating on me then so yeah.

[@jeffdavis1549]

I've been married to a narcissist for 37 years. It's exhausting. I played crazy for many years before finally realizing my husband has a personality disorder. Thank you for shedding some light on the different types.

[@dawnrobbins5877]

They think their acting skills are sufficient enough to conceal their evil from select people, and they're right. But those closest to them know, and the narcissist doesn't care.

[@erinward2983]

My parent poisoned me when I lived with him. I went no contact. Two months and several texts later, I got a voicemail saying, "I know I was mean sometimes when you were here. Sorry. I can't help it sometimes." What a way to apologize for a devasting situation and time. I was isolated, stuck, and sick. That’s no apology and certainly he isn’t holding himself accountable since he “can’t help it sometimes.” There’s an indication that he does indeed recognize that things weren’t ok, but I don’t believe he’s really sorry about anything. I’ll pass on allowing him back into my life. I’ll be dealing with side effects for months. This is the extreme end. Malicious, dangerous, and cruel. No thank you. I’m done being abused.

[@malwads1836]

I'm extremely glad you went no-contact.He's very likely a narcissist that ALSO exhibits features of sociopathy...These ones are more likely to do illegal 💩 & actually get some form of ENJOYMENT/satisfaction/amusement from 👀 others suffer &/or struggle🥶.A LOT of narcs eventually slip down the slope into sociopathy over the years.

[@erinward2983]

@@malwads1836 The sadism is deeply disturbing.

[@naavajo]

Omg, no contact please!

[@SusanStriepe]

This sounds like narcissism along with psychopathy. Beware! They’ll try again.

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

I hope he is in prison.

[@t.w.8174]

Yes, TF, they do. That’s why they spend so much time lying, ducking, diving, and masking.

[@chriscunningham8807]

Hiding evidence of their mistakes is an artform they perfected to evade accountability. They are slippery eels that flip away just when they're close to being caught.

[@t.w.8174]

@@chriscunningham8807 exactly!

[@spacegirl226]

When I told my old man he was a narcissist, he lost his shit, denied it, and turned it around on me. Confirmation. Thanks, Dr. Ramani.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

If they even get it, they won't care enough to change.

[@chriscunningham8807]

Why change if you're rewarded for being a cunning, manipulative and deceptive predator?

[@kondetichandini8966]

I used to feel so depressed couple of yrs ago, now am laughing at all the narcissists in my life and treating them with more caution. And silently staying away from them to the best of my circumstances

[@karlasilis-cruz8835]

Thank you for explaining the different groups of narcissism.I think i met all of 5 of them! It was a horrible experience! When i told a friend that i thought she was a narcissist, she totally freaked out on me but we have been friends for 14yrs and only now i have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist. Your videos have helped me to know that there is a name for some of the people i have met in my life. They were mostly narcissistic.

[@toshio1334]

I remember my narc used to identify himself as " empathetic , nice, and claimed to be a "himbo"(good looking guy with a golden retriever personality) . The guy was painfully oblivious to the fact that he was a narcissist and his narcissism was the reason why he was hurting others around him. He said his life was like a revolving door and people would just come in and out of his life often. It never occurred to him that he was the problem.

[@mynouschka]

Or he did know and was playing the sympathy card

[@liliha986]

Sounds like he was playing the victim card

[@cor-cd8dt]

So many narcs seem clueless about their narcissism. But they also fight hard to avoid any self-reflection, much harder than a normal person...which makes me suspicious. The older and more jaded I get, the more I think it isn't that narcs are mad that you want them to self-reflect. It is that they are enraged that you don't believe their lie.

[@lisamansfield6113]

I love these videos. They save me from thinking it was all how I perceived the other person. My feeling are valid and now I can own them. I know I can’t change anyone else, only myself and how I react. Dr. Ramini is a light in the dark. Thank you so much.

[@R_Thomp]

This video provides a good amount of clarity, especially when dealing with more than 1 narcissist or narcissistic person on your life. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you're awesome!

[@SilentTrip]

your video backdrop is so cozy and homey, it's like we are in a room talking to each other ❤❤

[@Jesusandcoffee3382]

My ex husband, a sociopathic covert narcissist knew exactly what he was and was really proud of who he is. My mother, a narcissist, claimed to not know she was a narcissist.

[@lealea6020]

I'm so tired of narcissists and ppl with narcissistic tendencies..

[@QX-xq5uj]

My Ex could fit to the 1st group. He was so happy about his daily supply not only at home but also in his practice, although it went to far because of his low boundaries. And he was/is convinced that he is a very nice, lovable and empathic guy! He was everybody's darling as a kid (he was his narc. mother's favorite) and was used to be the most "good looking charming man in town"... until I confronted him. He was schocked as I began to doubt about his unfaithful behaviour and years later tried to call him out as closure to our hurtful unhealthy relationship. His sense of entitlement was so strong that I could not see it anymore and your wise videos+book helped me to leave him🙏🏻☀️

[@UndrwrldStds]

Just left a narcissist (after one previous failed attempt) and your videos have been so helpful! Everything suddenly makes sense!

[@anneyoung2310]

Lack of self-awareness being one of the key traits, weighs in heavily. Most narcs. I know are in utter denial to the point of complete delusion about who they are. It’s mind blowing! There's absolutely no point in telling a narcissist they are being narcissistic. It will not go well. Some people around them seem to know, but would never dare confront them. They think they are literally the polar opposite of who they are-easy, enjoyable to be around, honest, empathetic, generous, etc. I’ve only met one narc. who said he was one. I was so shocked, I didn’t believe him. His ex later confirmed. 🤣 This type is much less dangerous, in my opinion.

[@88freighttrain]

You provide a wealth of info I have gratitude for. Been dealing with the Nar off/on for five decades. levels 4/6. They seem not to care. Good health or comatose they're going for the money/ real estate. And gets caught. No remorse. Not a big shot, 5'2", at best. I am a Marine/ AF, larger and seen much worse. Threaten me with bodily harm. I laughed while walking away. I have exiled the person. And that's when they ask for forgiveness. I replied, "You never apologized for numerous incidents." You must be running low on victims. Not a case of being too old or too young. Just should not be done. And a surefire way to end up sued. Siblings???

[@terriwhalen3618]

Very well done Dr Ramani. This confirms what I have been studying about the different "schools" of narcissim. The low-level, mid-range the upper-mid- range, to the high/Ultra narcissist. The last group know exactly what they are and what they are doing and some enjoy the Power! I learned this from a supposed, diagnosed "Narcissist/Antisocial Personality Disorder/Psychopath. These are considered the rarest of narcissists and they can be dangerous. Again, thank you for your hard work and helping us 💜

[@chidzulophiri]

H.G. Tudor, l presume....

[@terriwhalen3618]

@@chidzulophiri yep!

[@chidzulophiri]

@@terriwhalen3618 when you listen to H.G and Dr. Ramani, you get a broad perspective and a force to be reckoned with. She is outstanding 🙂🙂🙂...

[@briandorsey6437]

@@chidzulophiriughhh the guy is such a cringe loser…I’ve told him so directly mocking him before.

[@MeMe-od2mg]

My narc ex after me going to therapy , me to him: you've caused me c-ptsd. This relationship has caused me cptsd. Him: so just leave!!!!! (yelling at me, of course). Years, YEARS, together (and yes, we were living together cause I didn't have a place to go) and he knew I was feeling bad, I was messed up tremendously and he didn't care. He only "cared" when his supply was decreasing such as sex, affection (mine to him of course), listening to wht he had to say, agreeing with him, me saying thanks to him. Remember: they don't give a wht about u whether they know or not.

[@georgesontag2192]

Covert narcissistic personality disorders should be taught in schools. It should be in a marriage handbook too. Once your married to one, it's too late. Your house, land, savings, income is gone. The courts won't care about " fair".

[@lovedandabundant6384]

The level of deliberate calculation to hurt is insidious at times

[@thewhitewizard1320]

Exactly. How can you possibly act that way and NOT know ?!

[@RawOlympia]

Yes. The level of pre planning and traps, some elaborate, leading even to foreign countries, indicates a cruel scheme, but they will justify. And they will minimize the damage they have cause and maximize their annoyance with whoever dared call them a narc. The deliberate calculation is numbing, nauseating

[@YuyiLeal]

Dr. Ramani, your words are like a soothing balm, and always so enlightening. My father is the first kind - no insight whatsoever, and thinks himself a really good person while holding that grandiosity and entitlement, etc. My mom is the third kind - she can be so cruel but sees it as "being authentic". For my whole life I could not make sense of the many weird ways in which they would twist the truth, the facts... i would just ignore it or pretend it was all okay for the sake of surviving. Now, with your help I am starting to see clearly for the first time, and although painful to realize all the abuse, it is actually very liberating. Thank you, thank you! Your work is a life saver! God bless you!!!🙏

[@patrickh.8165]

Don't forget to start the grey rock method, and don't go to them telling them you know what they are, it's useless. Stay strong and grow strong 🫶

[@YuyiLeal]

@@patrickh.8165 thank you so much for your encouraging words!🙏

[@YEAH8891]

The mother of my children is certainly the first group. Even though she is aware (and well informed) about the term narcissism, she would never see herself that way. But she's incredibly fast in diagnosing other people in that regard. At the same time she has to be aware that she is lying on a regular basis. Ever since we split up I cought her several times (without her knowing I cought her. Because I didn't call her out, cause I got smart over the last couple of months, thank you, Dr. Ramani!). And she would just stick with her lie. But I guess in her head, that's also justified in some way...

[@malwads1836]

They know they screw others over & either don't care OR if also sociopathic they'll actually enjoy it...But it never genuinely registers in their head in regards to why their behavior is a serious problem for THEMSELVES.No matter how much things backfire on themselves they never really seem to understand that if they're a full-blown narc.

[@carparthero]

the majority, if not all, of narcissists are dense in the sense of self reflection, and how they impact people, yet they are aware of how they treat people. all of them, don't care about the harm the cause, and they don't care to make meaningful, lasting changes for the better. cheers 🍻 from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@malwads1836]

They know they cause harm to others & don't give a 💩...They just don't understand that their behavior is a serious problem for themselves & their own life no matter how much things backfire on them ultimately.All full-blown narcs are both mad & bad...They all really do stink royally🤢🦨.

[@b8akaratn]

When you said, "Then there's a sixth group," i honestly shouted You Are KILLING me...Six??!! 😮‍💨

[@JulieEBurke]

I said that to my soon to be ex-husband about two weeks ago! It was so sad to say outloud but at the same time good

[@b8akaratn]

@@JulieEBurke oh congratulations 🎉👏 Haven't seen mine in over a year, and am scared I'll get dragged and lose assets for the kiddo (if not kiddo as well) to try divorce. God Bless & Good Luck!! 🙏

[@JamesNGames]

Some might have a glimmer of recognition regarding their behavior and the negative impact it has on others, while others may remain completely oblivious or choose to deny it. In my journey of healing and growth, I have come to realize that self-reflection and introspection can lead to greater self-awareness, even for those with narcissistic traits. However, it is important to remember that change is difficult, particularly within toxic relationships or environments. It is crucial to prioritize your own well-being and seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals who can assist you in navigating these challenging situations. You deserve to be in healthy and nurturing relationships where your needs are valued and respected.

[@miker4430]

They know and should be held accountable like all other adults. You either take care of yourself, or don’t and narcs do a lot of damage purposely.

[@Harmony-ks7gv]

A narcissist is a narcissist whether aware or unaware. Just as the leopard can't change their spots, a narcissist will continue to lie, blameshift, gaslight, play the victim, bully, malign others, lack any empathy, exert control over the victim in some way. They see nothing wrong with their behaviors. I call them predators.

[@malwads1836]

They all know they harm & dismantle other folks lives...It just never genuinely sinks in for them in regards to why it's actually a serious problem for themselves & their own lives,they just conveniently scapegoat someone/something else for their own 💩.

[@MrJonnyblade]

There's a special place for them all, after all the first Narcissist was Lucifer, and he will call his children home

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Yes!!

[@karlabritfeld7104]

​@@MrJonnybladeyes, my mother is looking upwards from down under as we speak.

[@sentinel8758]

@@malwads1836 "They deserved it" is often another excuse they try to throw around when they get called out for their bullying behavior. Always trying to claim you deserve to be abused. But all that is doing is having the abuser trying to explain why it is ok for them to abuse others.

[@lorithrall9847]

This is great to listen to. It makes me realize he is the 4th. He did at one time call himself bipolar and it was covered by his alcohol abuse. He is enabled by his narcissistic parents. I came from a people pleaser mom and my dad who has narc traits but has been very supportive of me and my journey. My strength is shining light and I appreciate Dr Ramani so much. The videos really helpful. In the weeds but I have pulled many of them out and the flowers are growing. Day by day

[@mj-rg9kp]

My narc sister thinks she’s the greatest and most empathic person so when I tried to talk about an issue I have with her behavior, it’s deny deny deny, with a smile emoji too. Like, “you must’ve heard me wrong, I would never do that” and she tried to manipulate me into calling my mom who I went no contact with bc that’s what my mom wants me to do. She’s always been my narc mother’s lap dog, even though my mom was cruel and harsh with her. My sister will readily do anything for her approval. Sick 🤮

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Thank you, love your spunk and inspiration ❤️ 🙏

[@MariaCeaMIca]

My ex narc once said to me, “I want to be understood.” I didn’t know he was a narc back then. In hindsight, now I wonder if he knew he was a narc, or he was just looking for someone to do the ‘self-reflection’ for him, so he could understand his own behavior better. I think he had a sense that he was not neurotypical, & wanted to know himself better. Not to correct his behavior, mind you, but to be in better CONTROL of it to make himself more powerful. 30 years later, he’s still a narc & craves admiration, but he’s someone else’s problem now.

[@Rose-fp3dd]

Found your videos last night. My father is a narcissist. The damage is a tsunami.

[@bethbell904]

My ex believes he’s nice and the greatest thing since sliced bread, because he “rescues women.”

[@profhortsunlover1536]

probably closet lgbt, probably the furthest thing from hetero, homophobia drives us insane [it's taught to kids by the church]

[@hennisincoff502]

Dr. Ramani, I learn from you everytime i listen to you & your understanding, exposure & empowerment about narrsism. I've been away awhile trying to heal, but i always come back to you & your expertise. I would say my parent is between 3 -4. It's been a shitshow throughout my life. Still in the healing journey, a lifetime. I did well going deep, it helped immensely. Im now continuing to deal with this person but I have put myself & my health 1st. I still feel guilt (but I realize its my abusive normalizing thinking) but I let that come after I stand up & set boundaries. It's been hard to take selfcare, but I force myself to do it because I'm worth it. That feeling of feeling that I have worth has been a struggle but nessasary for healing. So that's where I am on this healing journey. I thank you immensely for knowing & exposing what narrsism is & the destruction it leaves in its wake. I will always appreciate & recommended your knowledge. Glad to be back..🥀❤️

[@BP-nn7tq]

I needed to watch this today…thank you❤

[@Smoke_C]

Oh my word. The “this is who I am” comment is really common amongst the narcs in my life. Entitlement is a big feature … the world is their oyster and we serve them.

[@doromate]

In my case it was the mix of pretty much everything, and it evolved. My teenage years I was the first type, I honestly thought that I am SUPER EMPATHIC, I really was seeking for people that I could help, and I thought that it all was honest. Years later, during the therapy, I realized that I was looking for attention and it was sort of 'i want to be a hero and others to think that im super nice'; then as years went by I really believed Im a borderline (im male) dude, as I was diagnosed as border with bipolar disorder as 23 years old. Then I become the second, third, and pretty much right now im the fifth - but it's years of therapy later. I know that I am narcissistic (I am cluster B with NPD traits, Im not a pure NPD, at least I want to believe so), and I really have this kind of "oh god it's terrible, I know i won't be able to (put anything that normal people feel here)" and on the other day it is "well, I am what I am, and this is super rare, and there are not many people like me and this is cool...". Right now I realize that I am not as empathic towards people as I thought I was, it's more like understanding their feelings in a logical way, but not being able to 'feel' it, I think it's called cognitive empathy?I really hope that I won't become the sixth one within time (30 years old now)

[@MsMorgendorffer1]

That’s why I refuse help from people… too many times it’s weaponised against me. People only help because they want to exploit you, use it against you later on or want an ego boost to feel like a saviour. No thanks. Sadly there really is no such thing as a free lunch, I’ve learnt to be hyper vigilant around superficially charming and eager to help wolves in sheep’s clothing.

[@briandorsey6437]

Good for you being cognizant of your Narc tendencies and wanting to be a better version of yourself….But keep that other Narc shit in check. Don’t get it twisted. There is NOTHING rare or special about cluster Bs or Narcs…Quite the opposite, the prevalence of Narcissistic superior feeling bullshit going on is blatantly the weakness of human consciousness…AKA level the F up and stop being another NARC POS who thinks they are a high functioning conscious that’s special or significant…

[@seabreeze4559]

go through hg tudor's narc detector

[@annellacannella5674]

@@KAT-dg6elwell! Maybe that’s what is wrong with all the medical professionals….

[@souljah37]

Amazing analysis!! I had an aunt who everyone, including myself couldn’t stand her because of her personality and character. But according to her she is sweet, loving and giving. I always wondered if she actually believed all that or if she was just saying it, trying to convince other people.

[@eetchooarn]

Very insightful. Got more clarity from this. Thanks Dr.Ramani.

[@KingsguardRP]

Narcissism; selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type. PSYCHOANALYSIS self-centredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder. This describes a lot of people in ourrrent social media age and we all know which people.

[@joehernandez6260]

They don’t care because they’re monsters 👿👺

[@CatsPJS2027]

I am the empath and have cut ties with a narcissist brother and it took me five decades to realize why I could never please him, 7 years older than I and my hero. Now I have compassion for him. My mother created his issue. She was histrionic and narcissistic herself but thank goodness not violent. Neglectful and self focused and a man hater, her first born, my brother in the late forties, I am sure the first time he had a bowel movement in the tub she went hysterical and keened and wailed probably scaring the hell out of him. I came along years later, a girl, much more acceptable and didn't get the same trauma although neglected on many fronts.

[@chickenmonger123]

That’s the issue with cognitive abnormalities, and pathologies. Even if they recognize on some level what is happening, it is difficult for them to break out of that perceptual bubble and choose differently. It’s going to take hard work and humbleness to start working with things outside of their Event Horizon. Like even if you recognize that something is not correct with how you perceive the world, getting information in and out through that boundary is a struggle. I’d venture it takes some amount of faith to walk out beyond what you thought, and see if another way of viewing the world, works how it says it will. Especially those first steps. Because your reality up to that point is a single player game so to speak. If suddenly your sidekicks are perhaps better than you, and in some ways you were the NPC, that’s a lot to change.

[@juwonb4068]

With respect, as long as you wouldn't want it done to you, logically you know exactly what you're doing.

[@Keith-zc2nn]

I just quoted you in reference to a new medical recommendation that people have just 2 drinks a week. "You have a better chance at teaching your cat to wash the dishes." Just a great line.

[@nortiz128]

When I told my girlfriend she was a narcissist. She disappeared In the middle of the night its been 7 months since then😢

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

No loss my friend.

[@romanb4927]

You can be very lucky!

[@MrThebirddog]

Just 1 example, I could not go to her house, at her request, to dig 2 holes to plant 2 flowers without her finding fault angrily with the holes I dug perfectly. I got dirt on her grass! I'm done.

[@charlottaw599]

Would never admit it, completely lacks self analysis, although he knows it’s in his genes.

[@michignamymichigan]

Five and six? I think that was the one that worked me around the most. Blessed healing. 🙏

[@erinward2983]

"In his genes." Sounds like an excuse to me.

[@cc1k435]

In his genes=generations of people who refuse to self reflect and are willing to pass it along.

[@ChristineHill-rf1zt]

Thank you for revisiting this topic. You made it clearer as far as there being different groups. Very Informative!

[@nialeilakande]

They know what they are doing that’s for sure because they hate when you start exposing them and telling others about the abuse you u got behind closed doors and they feel ashamed when you tell on them because they always want to have a good reputation it is everything to them their reputation and how others see and think of them they want to always portray being a great catch a great father a great husband etc yet they abuse you indoors smh they know who they are

[@rllght]

I tried to remember all those narcissists that I encountered at some point of my life, and had long enough interactions with that I can do analysis or catagorization on. So far none of them cared about being a detestable nuisance to people around; almost all of them didn't know they have serious narcissistic traits, even if a small portion of them did, they didn't try to amend nor adjust for the better. Instead they became more sophisticated in the "art" of exploitating and manipulating people, extorting facts to their advantage! Even doubled down on slandering and other filthy tricks such as shameless, downright lying, playing the victim etc., all for the purpose of "surviving" and protecting their own skins. The only narcissist that shows some positive changes and became slightly easier to cope with was one of my aging parent. Even then, after a longer interaction with the person, I can still sense the deep-seated contempt and disdain my parent always feels for everyone around including me. Just like what I remember about my distant childhood.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

This is a guy friend who made an insensitive comment about a trauma I experienced in the past. When I expressed concern that it felt judgemental to me, he said he was not judging me but ‘being empathic’. There was nothing empathic about what he said. He has apologized for some things, but I keep appropriate boundaries with him now, as he’s nice enough but not sure he totally gets it. I also have a sister in law who can be super rude and my brother defends her by saying she’s ‘just being honest’. Another sister in law is verbally abusive and doesn’t care. A male coworker that harassed me had no clue that his behaviour was wrong. Working with a person now who can be pretty harsh, so watching carefully and keeping boundaries. It’s Interesting how there’s different groups. Putting my well being first by being aware of how they treat me and protecting myself as needed. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@joywebster2678]

Our expectations of others set us up to judge or diagnose them as well. Those of us harmed as children by a narcissistic parent come away often with CPTSD so view others with outspoken, loud was of being as trying to be hurtful, or disordered. Sometimes they are just them without intent, and it's our over sensitivity in play. Working for so many years in a hospital, I tried to focus on my patients and to dodge and weave the egos, mean spiritedness and setups of others I worked with.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

@@joywebster2678 um, no, did you even watch the video? Please don’t make dismissive comments on my experience as that is not what happened for me.

[@joywebster2678]

@costelloandlizzievolk2233 yes I watched the video and I'm si ply pointing out to be aware, I didn't dismiss your gracious wounding in life.

[@kondetichandini8966]

When it comes to narcissists, Knowledge is power... The more you know, the healthier your life will be... away from the devil n it's deep sea

[@lockstar169]

Some 20 plus years ago a bandmate and I had a big "sit down". I discovered then that he merely denied the existence of different personality styles as I attempted to distill our conflicts down to a "personality clash". He would often say things like "some people might think you're an asshole too..." in an attempt to invalidate, whenever I would identify, clear a-hole behaviour. I wanted to scream, "But that's NOT, the word on the street about ME dude! That's how people see you!!!" One day he'd act like he didn't care, then the next he'd be pouting about "all 2 people that like him..." Absolutely insane... Being that Narcissism is about a collection of personality traits and NOT a diagnosis (you're welcome Dr. Ramani 😉) you can see futility in even having "the discussion". I wish I knew then, what I know now. FYI, this man has only worsened with age...

[@alllscination]

Thank you for the complex answer. To add to the complexity: What about those people who claim they are narcissists and use it to gain attention (teach other people about narcissism as some of them put it)? I get a more neutral stance from them neither the "I don't like myself and want to make a change" nor the "I just don't care and all you other people are the problem". It seems more of a 'thats just the way I am, sucks for you, if you don't know what you are getting yourself into, I warned you" position.

[@carolynkepler2826]

I think my mother would be shocked to hear she was a narcissist. She was so full of shame that she really believed she had successfully hidden her “bad” side from everyone. I really tried to let her off that hook but she simply couldn’t face what she believed was her bad side. I thought if she could “forgive” herself she could relax and move forward without the burden. Of course, that didn’t happen. She died lonely and sad. If there’s a God I hope he can explain it to her.

[@l.5832]

I think my narc mother was similar. Though she refused to admit it, both my sister and I believe she was pregnant when she was about 14 years old. It is the only thing to make sense of some 'mysterious' travels in her life at that time. I tried to get her to talk about it knowing that if she could do that, she would find we did not hold it against her and she could let go of the shame. But she refused to talk about that time and held on to her false self to hide her shame. She got worse with age, and died with her shame in her 90s. So unnecessary. Ironically she constantly accused me of going to my boyfriend's house to have sex (we weren't) and that my sister was carrying on with a married man (she wasn't).

[@chriscunningham8807]

Most of us have made mistakes or done bad things that later make us feel ashamed. Some people have no qualms about hurting, lying and using people and consider themselves clever for being deceptive, manipulative and intentionally cruel. The worse appear sweet and charming yet are scheming tricksters with a hidden agenda.

[@mday3821]

​@@chriscunningham8807You must have known my mother. I never heard it explained so well as you did.👍

[@michelleharkness7549]

Off the record- tell as many trusted people as possible: friends, family and acquaintances

[@touchofgrace3217]

My brother actually brags about certain narcissistic behavior as though it’s an accomplishment that should be admired. Whether it is creating strife between coworkers or pressing a war veteran’s widow for a favor after reminding that he helped her after her husband died. 🤢🤮

[@boxingfan5742]

Honestly, I can count the number of times I've ever heard any person apologize for anything one one hand and have a few fingers left over; never from a narcissist. "Thank you" is also as rare as a diamond mine in a penthouse.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

No, they have no idea. They are delusional, they know everything and they're always right. Always. And they've never done anything wrong.

[@TheBeliever1204]

My mother siblings relations

[@adamslosar5574]

Devorce, 20 years of severe covert abuse. not only me but our 3 children. it’s almost been a half of year and us 4 are doing much better. peace.

[@tictactoedias1908]

What about the ones that accuse you of being narcissist and read up on all narcissistic books and watch all KZbin on Narcissist 😢 thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@lynylcullen8370]

This is what happened to me. Somehow now I am labeled as the narcissist!

[@MHiL7]

Projection

[@kaymuldoon3575]

My ex friend is a communal narcissist. She is definitely of those people who thinks she is genuinely nice and empathetic. And she certainly *can* be. But I’ve also experienced that ugly side of her, and it is absolutely ugly. I finally ended the friendship because I was tired of the abuse.

[@victormolefe8120]

Thanks Doctor Ramani.

[@annaburns2865]

The thing is that they are like, “I’m nothing that other person. “ And over time, you realize that they are EXACTLY like that other person. So much so that it’s scary. Narcissists are exactly alike. There’s nothing new under the sun.

[@angieoconnell6392]

I think they still only may apologize if they end up feeling they've put themselves at risk in some way. I do t think it is regret for how they treated their 'employee or loved one's. Even the apologies are about them.

[@chriscunningham8807]

Narcissists are great at demanding an apology from the victim when they made a mistake.

[@bravoanane]

I’m in group 5 and if there was a pill or a drug to change that I would take it no questions asked. I’m constantly living in the moment and trying to remain rational and aware at all times. It’s exhausting but every so gradually wires my nature and future reactions to certain situations.

[@JSplash999]

I have BPD and narcissistic traits come up especially when anxiety is high and I'm splitting. I know when Im being narcissistic, although I cant see that its 'splitting' until after ive deescalated.