Drinking myself into oblivion, What exactly happened during my last relapse?

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey guys!! I completely lost the intro part to this video. I wanted to let y’all know I’m doing a lot better. I can sleep again which is great but that’s all I’ve wanted to do lol. My liver is getting better, I’m back to work! I went to my IOP intake and I start that Monday. My family counseling session was definitely an eye opener, often times we don’t talk enough about the pain we put our loved ones through. I’m still sober and going strong 💪 I plan to keep it this way!!!! Also it was a handle of fireball* not jack Daniel’s, I drank a bottle of jack at some other point during the relapse though because I found an empty one in the room 🤦‍♂️🤢 Anyways, love you guys, stay safe and stay sober! 🙏

[@ShadesOClarity]

Good to hear you are still plugging away.

[@john-bo9ve]

thats greats news bro...onwards and upwards 👍👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@words4dyslexicon]

some part, some say the root cause of an addiction is spiritual, in my case, when I got broken by alcohol addiction, I've experienced the withdrawals you're talking about, the DTs like Dirk talked about, and no doubt I could feel spiritual oppression, like being in a pressurized chamber of dread, doom & gloom, also could feel a sinister malevolent intent hovering around & thru me, like it was feeding off my mind, emotions, body sensations, I've heard some ideas about not so departed spirits who when they were alive were addicts, & now that they no longer have a body, they miss the sensations of feeling the high, buzz rush whatever & so will be attracted like moths to flame to living people in the deep end of alcohol, now, who am I to know if that's true, but I can say from experience that withdrawal, DTs from heavy drinking is such a fearful state, made me want God to please help me & if I pray for guidance, admit that I don't know how to save me from addiction, & that admission leaves room, allows an opening for the spirit, the holy one, to reach me, cutting thru the resistance of my ego, the voice in my head that doesn't have real answers, if my mind could cure my mind, if willpower,won'tpower worked I wouldn't be writing this essay rant I'm learning to surrender my obsessive addictive thoughts, by first observing them, & then I pray for God to help me let them go & for me it's not a one time born again deal, it's every time I notice I'm worrying or having negative agitated thoughts, I observe, feel the sensations that got triggered, & surrender it all to God, maybe one moment at a time, this is spiritual warfare, I'm bot guaranteed to survive one more relapse, & when I die I don't want it to be with alcohol & in that dark place.

[@amandaflaherty7528]

@Slayer-7373 this is all great, Slayer!! Except for the fireball and the jack 🤢 so glad that everything's moving in a positive direction. Keep going strong!!! Also... I'M SO JEALOUS about the good sleep, but I'm so happy for you! BUT jealous. Haha... have a great day 😁💪🙏❤️

[@JCarm-LK785]

@@words4dyslexicon well said..that's real..Amen

[@natsnikkii]

oh man I shed a tear when you said “I’m a broken human being…” that hit home💔 but I disagree with you saying you’re nothing special. You seem like a genuinely good, kind hearted person & you’re making a difference helping others & yourself by sharing your journey, creating this community & encouraging us who are also fighting this beast. You are special Slay and you deserve to forgive yourself and find peace within and live a happy life. I’m so glad you’re doing better, feeling strong and back on the road to recovery. I believe in you!!! 🖤🖤🖤

[@Slayer-7373]

Thank you nat 🙂🖤🙏, y’all are helping me more than you know. Thank you for being here on this journey with me. Y’all make me wanna shed a tear!! 🙏

[@HopePiantini]

I'm struggling myself today. A lot of massive stressors. Your videos always help.

[@Slayer-7373]

We are in this together hope 🙏🖤, keep your head up. We are going to get through this.

[@XRZ65]

@@HopePiantini Addiction will always find a reason and use it to trigger you even if all seems perfect,believe me

[@onlyme7308]

It’s through our brokenness we get to see what it really means to be human. It’s through our brokenness we get compassion and a vision that can be used to lift others but more importantly find a path that serves us better. Just for today my friend. Standing beside you, walking with ya 🙏🏽🌻😊

[@CraigFox-lt6lt]

Superb comment!!! 👌

[@Slayer-7373]

Beautiful comment, I’m glad you are on this journey with me. God bless 🙏🙌

[@DRxDONNY]

Pray to Jesus Brother and surrender. it is the only way out of a horrible addiction, been there and now im free my heart hurts for you. Ive been there its hell! call out to Jesus and start living your best life! God bless! 🙏🏻

[@Slayer-7373]

🙏💯 you are correct man, it’s always when we turn our backs and go our own damn dumb way that things fall apart. Jesus will never lead you astray. God bless

[@DRxDONNY]

@@Slayer-7373 absolutely brother you already know the way, i can tell you are almost out of it! Im happy for you man. Time goes so fast you will be looking back at it jn no time. 16 years for me, and i been sober 11 months I’ll continue my Journey also. its never to late! I subbed ill continue watching your journey good luck fellow brother, you got this!! 🙏🏻

[@USBP464]

This isn't a sprint, its a marathon. Just stay in the fight. Do that, and all will start to fall into place.

[@Slayer-7373]

💪🙏, god bless man.

[@MonaYY_Rig]

Hi Slayer. Don’t stop trying and fighting for your sobriety. Whatever it takes. One day at a time. Use your support system. I’m rooting for you friend. God bless you for strength 💚

[@Slayer-7373]

God bless you Mona 🙏🙏 always so loving, you’ve been here with me and LD forever. Thank you

[@oliviajohnston7216]

God is always on your side dude! He pulls us out of the pit and sets our feet on solid ground🙏🙏🙏

[@Slayer-7373]

Absolutely, amen and god bless 🙏🙌

[@Micru866]

Hey slay thank you for the update, you’ve been in my thoughts. I’m so glad to hear that you’re doing better. It’s like you said one day at a time, one minute if it has to be. It’s true that we all have unresolved crap we carry, it is dead weight. What matters now is what we do with our lives. Try to just remind yourself of how dark it was and how hard it is to be in the light. What I’ve heard time and time again is that a craving just like all thoughts, do not stay indefinitely. It will pass…so just hold on and focus on that. I try not to compare myself to anyone else we are all unique beings and have something special to contribute. When I listen to you I see all that you bring…you’re helping not only us but yourself. You will never be able to drink normally again that’s true, but this will not be a battle for you to fight forever. Just build your sobriety up like a house, strong foundation will make a strong house. Forget about the bullshit…yesterday is gone…and tomorrow the sun will rise. Stay strong as you matter. Sometimes we don’t see ourselves in the same way others do. Much love always my friend. 💜 💜 💜

[@CraigFox-lt6lt]

Above & Above well said Micru !

[@Slayer-7373]

Exactly what Craig said micru, I can’t ever say it enough but thank you 🙏. Not only for being an amazing person/friend but also for sharing some of your own experiences and struggles. This community is beautiful, LD as well I see you in every single video in the comments. It blows my mind that we’ve all come together over KZbin to hemp each other fight this disease. Beautiful!!! 🖤🙏much love to you !!! Thank you.

[@Micru866]

@@Slayer-7373absolutely, it’s a beautiful thing how we’ve become close. It goes to show you that humanity still exists. It’s too bad we’re all spread apart, we should connect in the real world one day. 😊 💜 much love right back always!!

[@Slayer-7373]

@@Micru866 yes micru a meet up would be amazing!!!! 🙏, when LD does his camping trip I really should go along. Meeting y’all in person would be a dream come true!! Anyways, much love. 🙏

[@harrybaker9044]

I love your videos. We are so alike. The things you say is almost like I'm hearing myself talk. Amazing channel!

[@Slayer-7373]

🙂this is awesome, thanks Harry.

[@chrismorel2576]

The things we do and the places we go frequently eventually become comfortable. When we want a sense of comfort - whether that's as a reward or a respite - then we go back to it I don't know how anyone can avoid wanting a sense of comfort. If you find the answer, please let us know. Stay strong. Willpower might be a big part of the solution

[@Slayer-7373]

You’re spot on Chris! Willpower is definitely a huge part of the solution. Little willpower will lead to relapse every single time. At least need to willpower now to buy it. It’s best for me to try and stay away completely. Y’all’s wisdom is helping more than you know!!’ Thank you. Tomorrow makes 2 weeks 💪.

[@andreryan5808]

8 months sober, and re-lapsed brother. Going through the FEAR. Right now. I recommend the movie The Way Back with Ben Affleck. Also the mini series Patrick Melrose, such amazing interpretation of our disease.

[@Micru866]

I’m so sorry you’re going through a relapse, just don’t ever give up. I have seen that movie it’s a great depiction of the disease. I wish you peaceful thoughts.

[@Slayer-7373]

8 months is still 8 months, don’t take that away from yourself. Just hop back on that horse brother, hop back on with me. Let’s push forward together!!! We are on this journey together, 8 months proves that you are a warrior and can do anything you put your mind to. I’m sorry you’re experiencing those horrible withdrawal effects….. I know them all too well. Please, PLEASE goto a hospital if the symptoms get too bad. It’s better to be safe than sorry. God bless you man, keep your head up 🙏 I will also have to check that out!!! Never heard of it but I’m always super excited to find new addiction/alcoholism movies/tv shows. Thank you! One day at a time man!!

[@andreryan5808]

@@Slayer-7373 ended up in ER by my own choice again brotha. DR said good call I was very close to full Tremens. If you are ever looking for guest speakers via zoom, that might be something cool for this channel! God bless all of you and Jesus does Love us! Lucifer just wants us DEAD.

[@jennifermulholland9412]

So good to see you Slayer. You are an amazing communicator, please never give up fighting, we all need you , much love ❤

[@Slayer-7373]

🖤good to see you as well, thanks so much. One day at a time, we got this! Tomorrow makes 2 weeks! 💪one day at a time.

[@AtlasAtPeace]

Wow that hamster wheel analogy is spot on, dude.

[@Slayer-7373]

Around and around we go……. Up to us to jump off. God bless man, thank you.

[@timsmith428]

My girlfriend..you would never know she was "drunk"..She could put away so much beer/wine/liquor, and never slur her words, stumble or act drunk. The real thing that I noticed were her not remembering last night, yesterday etc..

[@SavingSoulsMinistries]

same with my ex. i've never seen someone drink a whole box of wine and 3/4's of a bottle of crown royal in less then 2 hours. she was amazing when she was sober but turned into a demon after any minor infraction. i had to break up with her. she then died of an overdose and got narcan'd back. i talk to her a couple times a year just to check up.. but id be a fool to be around her if she doesnt wanna stop. God have mercy on us all

[@Slayer-7373]

This was me for the first few years of my drinking, nobody ever knew. I would be blasted and people would think I was sober. I went to work, birthday parties, events and more all drunk. I thought I was pretty slick……. Then all that came to a halt. After being caught and fired from a job it seemed like my booze “invisibility” wore off. Now it’s to the point that if I even drink 2-3 beers someone knows. It’s bizarre!!! Anyways, thanks for sharing brother. God bless and I wish you and your GF the best of luck. 🙏

[@twosugarscream]

I was the same. Except without memory issue. I functioned as a secret round the clock drinker for years and years. Kept trying and failing to quit or moderate. I was caught in a viscous cycle and my body finally began to fail. Divine intervention saved my life. Recovery is possible and its worth every heart age.

[@debbieporter6581]

Thank you for another kind reply to my comment. I look forward to hearing from you every day. I hope you have a safe and good Saturday. Please take care.Thinking of you. ❤❤🙏

[@Slayer-7373]

@@debbieporter6581 🖤🖤🖤 the thanks goes to you Debbie. This community is beautiful. God bless

[@ishowinertia]

Things will slowly get better and brighter if you hold strong. You’re young enough for your body to fully recover. Don’t let the anxious mind trick you into thinking you’re in the vicinity of death.

[@Slayer-7373]

I need to screenshot this comment and read it on the daily!!!! God bless 🙏

[@mortyrosenstein4211]

I had to force myself to find something to fulfill the hole left with no alcohol and opiates. My brain just wasn’t doing it by itself. I walk on the beach with a weighted ruck now every single morning at sunrise. 5-6 miles, or until I start to feel my brain spitting out happy juice. I am absolutely hooked on it now. It satisfies me for the day. I put on music or a podcast, and I just put one foot in front of the other. As a side benefit; I am tan and in shape now. Which has made finding dates much easier. I actually have visible abs. I used to be a beer belly slob pale as a ghost. Never would I have imagined I would be this way, when I was at my worst. That I would be a morning exercise guy. But I just wanted to be happy without booze so bad, I was willing to try. And stick with it. I’m not cured. I can’t drink. But it’s so much easier now to live life with the exercise. I’m happy without booze. Find something. Stick with it. For months. It’s freedom.

[@Slayer-7373]

You’re dropping knowledge my friend and wisdom, anything that has worked for other people I need to stop and take note. Y’all have figured something out that I haven’t. I appreciate comments like these, thank you and congratulations on your sobriety. 🙏🙏

[@PleaseForgiveYourself]

Lol just mentioned an upload in my last interaction with ya. BOOM! God is hilarious and great that way! Proud of you mate! Love ya brother.

[@Slayer-7373]

Amen, amen 🙏🙏 love ya as well man, god bless.

[@neilfletcher4868]

Thanks Slayer for this inspirational video. For me, your courage and honesty is truely amazing. Keep your faith in God and as you say its just about remaining sober today - thats the goal and aim. Tomorrow will look after itself! Slayer, keep sober and keep spreading the love. God bless you.

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey thank you my friend, this is an awesome comment. God bless 🙏

[@seg6629]

I would never judge EVER I love your honesty and yes trauma is (for me) a massive trigger, God bless you love from wales xxxx

[@Slayer-7373]

Thanks seg always 🙏🙏, you are An awesome person !!! God bless you!!!

[@ladyscarfaceangel4616]

It's really scary what certain chemicals can do to our minds! Some have the power to change our mood & thoughts. Some have the power to unlock mental disorders. Once you open certain doors in your mind, there is no closing that door again. It's wide open. I still have mental issues & CNS disfunction from my benzo brain injury. PTSD from methamphetamine induced psychosis. I was never the same again after all that. I'm on a stable antidepressant now that helps, along with all the healing work I've done. That damage is just something I have to accept. I'm just thankful it isn't worse. It could've been much worse. There were times I stopped breathing. If my husband wasn't there to catch it, the brain damage could've been worse. I'm thankful I have all the functions I do have. I'm truly blessed to be here. We are all blessed that you're still here as well. Take care. Much love & light.

[@Slayer-7373]

It’s INSANE and to me shows me we don’t have the first clue about reality. I can relate so much about never feeling the same again. I think we cross a line and once we do it’s almost no goin back. We can get sober, change our lives, make it great but it will not be the same ever again. These last few years life has really been slapping me, shown me I’m not immortal. I’m just a guy, God created an interesting battlefield for us here. Anyways much love and light back you 🙏

[@ladyscarfaceangel4616]

​@@Slayer-7373 This is mortal kombat! You fight like your life depends on it because it does! You either figure out a way to end addiction or it will end you. There is a higher power I believe that helps us through that. I don't have all the answers but I do believe in faith. For the religious & non religious. Some kind of faith is important. Never underestimate the power of faith & the human will to survive! 💚

[@jackwarren5883]

Glad that you got better again, you can do it! Relapses happen, i was close but managed to avoid it by calling an old friend and spend the night together, otherwise i'd have probably bought a bottle. It's walking on thin red line. It's a serious struggle, but you can still do this and get better. Wish your the best for recovery!

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey thanks jack, i appreciate this man 🙏. Let me just tell you this, good on you brother! Im proud of you 👏. It’s definitely a serious struggle but you did the right thing and that’s awesome. Tomorrow will make 2 weeks 💪 let’s keep pushing forward strong.

[@JackiePena-h4z]

Wow Slayer 😢!! Glad you are ok 👌🏼 100 💯 proof 😮that’s crazy 🤪 I didn’t even know that existed??? Thank God You are doing well. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Prayers for you ❤❤

[@Slayer-7373]

Yes 100 proof!! 🤢😟, strong nasty stuff. Thank god is right 🙏🙏 and also thank you.

[@JCarm-LK785]

Really happy you got through that unfortunate, miserable relapse brother. U always keep fighting 💪...Much respect..You're going to beat this disease..I'm here fighting with ya .. 19 days sober...The whole Slayer community is cheering you on always! God bless! 🙏🙏 Praise God.

[@Slayer-7373]

Congratulations brother on 19 days!! 💪💯keep doin what you’re doing man because it’s working!! We in this together, gonna keep pushing forward like soldiers. God bless man 🙏🙏

[@kathrynminnick8986]

Wishing you strength on your sobriety journey!!! ❤

[@Slayer-7373]

Thank you Kathryn 🖤🙏, you’ve been here for a while. I appreciate you being here on this journey with me :)

[@debbieporter6581]

So glad to see your message. Two weeks sober is a lot of hard work and courage. You have my prayers every day. Thank you for taking the Time to keep in touch. Please take care. Hope Wed will be a good day for you.. 🙏🙏❤

[@Slayer-7373]

@@debbieporter6581 appreciate you Debbie, you seem like a really good soul. God bless 🙏🙏

[@dalehess6265]

I will pray for you. You seem like an awesome person. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey thank you brother!! 🙏 god bless.

[@debbieporter6581]

So happy to see your replies and to hear ur doing well. You so deserve good things in life. Sobriety is hard work yet u never give up. That takes a lot of courage. Take care. I hope today will be a good one for u. Thank u for keeping in touch. You're a special person to me. 🙏❤

[@Slayer-7373]

Thank you so much debbie!! 🙏🖤

[@RichBudski]

What a GREAT testimony! You've got this.

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey thank you rich 🙏

[@debbieporter6581]

So good to hear ur hanging in an doing better. Thank u for posting to let us know. Take care thru the wknd. Thinking of you. I think maybe it might help u to find a sponsor. Someone u could call at anytime u needed help.

[@Slayer-7373]

🙏🙏thanks so much Debbie, I think a sponsor probably wouldn’t be a bad idea.

[@amandaflaherty7528]

Keep it up, Slayer!!! That gratitude will keep you strong! The best way to combat all those darkest areas of life is by keeping hope, working with it, and remembering all the wonderful things that are surrounding you in life. I never experienced relapse in the ways that you have, but I was a binge drinker for all of my career. Most of that career I drank rapidly and with the goal of passing out. So much unchecked mental/ emotional stuff going on. When I did have a few hiccups, I immediately started off at the same level I last left off at. I would normally overdrink at an event, and then the next day I would take off and binge drink until i passed out, get up again, and repeat the process until it was time to go to bed. Only then would I smack myself upside the head and question what in the hell I was doing!! Thank God I was able to turn around again in those moments. Slayer, you are a wonderful person, and you deserve to be free of this disease. We all do. Keep pushing forward, my friend! You'll always have my friendship and someone cheering you on!! There are so many of us in your corner. I'm so sorry for the fear your father felt. I had family check in on me a few times like that, and I'm still struggling to forgive myself for what they went through. But we have to. And we can do our best to thank them by learning to love ourselves. I look forward to all of these interviews. I ask that you reach out if you ever need anything!! Im going to email you later so that you have mine, should you ever need extra support. Have a great day, friend!! ❤😊❤😊

[@Slayer-7373]

Thanks Amanda as always my friend 🖤🙏, not only for being An awesome person but also for sharing your experiences. We need each other and these communities and I do believe this. We can come together and relate, when I read comments like these it gives me hope and I feel less alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God bless 🙏

[@amandaflaherty7528]

@Slayer-7373 Hey, my friend, I hope that being open like this does help someone. Whenever I share a story in my comment, I try to think about what I'd be thinking if I were still in the throws and came across it. I would definitely feel less isolated! And I'd definitely feel understood. I wish I had had channels like yours and LD's when I was sick. I had a lot of people talking at me, but not a lot of people who understood me. I really think a space like this could have helped me turn things around quicker. But I just hope that it reaches others at the right time. Anywho, as per usual, I'm rambling. Haha love you, friend. Have a great day 🙏❤️

[@DATONEGAMER25]

It's weird we keep chasing that dragon time and time again hoping to get that feeling we got the first time we drank but it never comes. Its just misery and hell. Yet we keep doing it. Why? Why even pick up the bottle when we know the consequences? We are strange creatures. It's like that saying, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." Hang in there bro you have people that care about you.

[@Slayer-7373]

It’s a never ending chase….. that’s why eventually we’ve gotta realize we will never catch that dragon again and maybe it’s best to turn around and create a new adventure. It’s definitely insanity, that word couldn’t be more perfect for what alcoholism and addiction really is… INSANITY. I care about y’all too man, thank you. Tomorrow makes 2 weeks 💪, we got this! God bless

[@DATONEGAMER25]

@@Slayer-7373 Chasing the dragon is futile. Congrats on 2 weeks! Now make it 2 months, then 2 years! Then 2 decades! 😄🙏

[@debbieporter6581]

Thank u so much for your reply to my comment. It was so kind. You are a very caring person. I hope Thurs will be a good day for you. Be well. Prayers always. 🙏🙏 I'm grateful to be in touch. Your may not realize but it means a lot to me..

[@Slayer-7373]

@@debbieporter6581 🖤🖤🖤you’re awesome Debbie thank you!!

[@debbieporter6581]

Thinking.of you. Hope you're ok. I always am concerned when u haven't responded to comments that something may be wrong. I hope you're safe and well. Please take care.. Sending.Prayers for u. 🙏🙏 Deb

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey Debbie, thank you so much 🙏🙏 I’m doing well. Just extremely busy with everything in life at the moment. Thank you for always being so sweet, god bless

[@debbieporter6581]

Hi, Thank you for the kind things u say to me. I hope you have a Good day Friday. Praying your staying safe. Please take care. Your in my thoughts. It's so good to hear from you each day. 🙏🙏❤❤ Thank u for keeping in touch.

[@Slayer-7373]

@@debbieporter6581 yea of course Debbie 🖤🙏 the thanks goes to you!!! This community is amazing. God bless

[@CMoore8539]

Slay, Don’t worry about taking all of us with you to a meeting. Just take good care of you.❤ You can tell us about it later. Just do you.

[@Slayer-7373]

Appreciate the love and understanding Cindy, thank you. God bless 🙏

[@Shun101010]

One day at a time, man. I believe you are strong enough to make the right choices at the important times. I know what it's like to become self destructive and watch yourself make bad choices even when you logically know it's wrong. Be mindful, be stubborn with yourself and make no exceptions. All the best to you!

[@Slayer-7373]

Appreciate this comment, thank you so much 🙏. Also love the profile pic and name haha, good ol game of thrones.

[@DebraReule]

I'm a broken human being too and in recovery. Hugs and prayers to you friend 🙏🫂♥️. Thanks for sharing your relapse story. Keep on keeping on 🙏🙏🙏

[@Slayer-7373]

We are in this together. 🙏🙏

[@JackiePena-h4z]

Slayer even though I have never met you , I can tell that you are a good person. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. The important thing is that you have come through it . Life takes many turns my friend. Especially as we age or get older. lol 😂 you learn a lot from life experience. Hugs 🤗 & love my friend.

[@Slayer-7373]

🖤💪 thanks Jackie, you’re an awesome person yourself. Always here showing love and support. Thank you for being on this journey with me. Things will get better and stop you ain’t “older”, we all young at heart right? Much love.

[@DJayAyKay]

Bro many of us go through the exact same thing. Your story resonates so much with me as everything you said is spot on. We are not alone and I'm thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. You're the man and I can't wait to see more!

[@Slayer-7373]

This is an awesome comment man thank you, I’m glad I’m helping, y’all help me just as much for real. Much love to you my friend! 💯

[@oddanneout]

Stay strong. You don’t deserve that shit. You deserve to live a beautiful life with ease. I’m sending you ❤

[@Slayer-7373]

🖤🙏thank you so much. 🥲

[@CraigFox-lt6lt]

"Well, something's lost, but something's gained In living every day," 🎶 🎵 (Both Sides Now(1966) Joni Mitchell) Be well, my friend!

[@Slayer-7373]

God bless Craig 🙏🙏

[@afterhourscinema782]

The most important key to sobriety is self awareness. As long as you realize what's happening and why, you'll keep your eyes on the prize even if you slip up. That's why I have faith in you, man👍🏾 You've got this

[@Slayer-7373]

Absolutely after hours, you always have wisdom to drop. Appreciate you my friend, thanks for being on this journey with me. 🙏

[@deluge71]

This is so incredibly honest. It's brutal at times, but necessarily so. I can totally relate to the part about ER doctors being completely in the dark when it comes to matters of addiction or mental health. Incredibly frustrating, but that's the world we live in.

[@Slayer-7373]

🙏🙏it’s definitely brutal at times. I’m honest because I know it will help people and let them know they aren’t alone. God bless

[@jeff67788]

This video was deep man keep your head up.

[@Slayer-7373]

Jeff you’re always here man showing support and love. I see you in LD’s videos as well sometimes. It’s amazing, thanks for being part of this community man. God bless

[@donc.123]

_Sorry you're having to go through this. You're obviously a smart guy. Unfortunately, while you're sleeping, your illness is doing pushups. But you CAN do this._

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey don you’re always here being positive and supportive, it really does mean a lot. Thank you for being here with me brother 🙏

[@kayleighnaylor1252]

Amazing man most of these kinds of videos are years old it’s nice to watch something just 5 days ago

[@Slayer-7373]

@@kayleighnaylor1252 glad you are here on this journey with us Kayleigh. 🙏💯

[@joshchapman3515]

Buddy I am here for you man!!!

[@Slayer-7373]

Thank you josh!!! 🙏 appreciate this brother.

[@smittywerbenjagermanjensen6011]

Amazing video! Stay strong 💪🏻

[@Slayer-7373]

You are amazing my friend!!! One day at a time. 💪

[@JCal1701-rh1xo]

Keep moving forward! One thing I did that helped me was buying a Fitness Watch (Whoop/Apple Watch/FitBit). Sounds stupid but it allowed me to add a daily routine that tracked achievement. Quitting is harder than adding. Started with 5,000 steps daily and moved up. Also, when I did binge and then detoxed I looked over my binge readouts and the data was an eye opener. Heart rate, sleep patterns, calories burned, steps, etc. all out of sorts. Maybe you find that when you have 12 hour gaps in memory you were sleeping /passed out that many hours while extremely inebriated. Sleeping 12- 16 hours over a 24 hour cycle might be what's going on if consuming that much. Good luck!

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey man that doesn’t sound stupid at all, this is a fantastic idea. I should definitely look into this. I think my mom has one of those Apple Watches, I bet she would let me borrow it for a while for this reason!!! Thanks man. God bless.

[@nettie4408]

One day at a time. One minute at a time. Quit 16 years ago n no cravings. It can bw done. Let go of guilt....is biggest danger. Much love. 😊

[@Slayer-7373]

Absolutely, whatever it takes to get you through to the next moment. Much love, god bless 🙏. Also congratulations on 16 years away from that poison!!!! That’s amazing!! 🙌

[@dougmighton882]

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and a mature attitude. This should help you persevere and succeed! Hang in there!!

[@Slayer-7373]

@@dougmighton882 hey brother thank you, i appreciate that. 🙏

[@CMoore8539]

Thumbs Up 👍 and shared out.❤

[@Slayer-7373]

Thanks Cindy 🙏🙏!!!

[@bulletproofair]

I want to give you advice on how to manage your binges but I feel like that would be unproductive. 😅 You are a very emotive, deep-thinking, over-analyzing dude. This type of personality is perfect for addiction to take advantage of. Go to your GP, see if you can get a script of Valium, maybe some naltrexone, and give those a whirl. You don't need to be hopping in and out of the ER every month or two, my man. You can get a hold over this if you can establish some sort of routine. Thank you for being super honest, especially about the "self-righteous" beer pours. That's all they ever are, especially if you're recording it. You'll find your center with time. Until then the goal is just don't die. 😅

[@Slayer-7373]

😂this comment both made me smile and laugh. You’re spot on about how you described me. Thanks for the wisdom my friend, I will look into some medication. I’ve been thinking about something for anxiety for a while. 🙏. I will definitely find my center💪💯🙏.

[@Michael-jq5pf]

Valium can either help tremendously or be an incredibly risky endeavor. Might be useful for the occasional supercraving- and for any detox physical symptoms- but just be wary I’m not a “benzos are inherently bad and have no use outside of hospitals” people, but they are addictive GABA agonists without question, always important to be clear about that

[@Mmoose712]

Ugh! They're supposed to be a hospital. So sorry!!! But unfortunately I'm not surprised. So many prayers for you! You will make it through this!

[@Slayer-7373]

🙏 oh I know right Angela, it’s a roll of the dice for us addicts when we goto the hospital, will we get treated good or terrible? Always hard to say. Much love to you always

[@Redsnapper123]

0:18 my worst excuse for drinking is ‘rewarding myself’. I’ve got all these deep cleaning tasks done at my house. Ok i am going to drink.

[@Slayer-7373]

I’ve definitely used this excuse in the past!!! Thanks for the comment my friend 🙏

[@vikyefre4975]

Your story will change lives

[@Slayer-7373]

@@vikyefre4975 I hope so brother, I hope so 🙏

[@GarrettEdison]

I Love you, man. I can relate to you severely. Im 24 hours sober. Im going to AA next week. Im praying for you. Please pray for me.

[@Slayer-7373]

Just prayed for you brother, stay strong. Much love and god bless 🙏

[@jamespollock5504]

Wishing you all the best.

[@Slayer-7373]

Thank you James 🙏 god bless brother.

[@jeanrookes2387]

Lots of love to you, Slayer! Keep going, you sound so positive. Looking forward to the interviews with your family xx ❤

[@Slayer-7373]

Lots of love back to you, thanks so much jean 🖤🙏

[@crankfotton]

watching you in detox reminds me how badly I never want to feel withdrawals ever again.

[@Slayer-7373]

🙏this makes me happy, mission accomplished. God bless

[@Soberrealitykiwi]

You’re awesome. Thankyou for sharing your truth. The demon is the drink. I completely agree. Demonic ❤

[@Slayer-7373]

Awe thanks so much Kirsten 🙏🖤, also yes 100%.

[@itscomplicatedwatches]

Just hang in there, man. It will get easier the longer you go. Make sure you have someone to call to talk to when you want someone to talk to.

[@Slayer-7373]

Will do brother, it’s one day at a time it really is. I just try to take the day on as it comes. I have a good support system this time around which also includes y’all. I’m hoping to get a new video up either today or tomorrow, I want to make sure to keep you guys updated and let everyone know I’m still going strong. Anyways i appreciate the support brother always, god bless 🙏

[@Slayer-7373]

How are you my friend?

[@itscomplicatedwatches]

@@Slayer-7373 I'm hanging in there, man. 9 and 1/2 months!

[@Slayer-7373]

@@itscomplicatedwatches 💪🙌 that’s awesome man, keep up the good work.

[@Rachey77]

I've been on that hamster wheel. I'm still on it after all these years, but I fail less often. Don't ever give up. I'll be praying for you. ❤❤

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey Rachey thank you so much, god bless 🙏, I’m gonna send a prayer your way right now……. You’ve got this, much love 🙏

[@xavierisrael3320]

STAY IN THE FIGHT BRO YOU GOT THIS

[@Slayer-7373]

Appreciate you brother, thank you 🙏💪💪. One day at a time man, one day at a time.

[@RICHARDOCONNOR-s2j]

Find ways to mentally distract/redirect yourself. Put rewards in place every time you get another month under your belt. The only thing we have complete control over in life is what we put in our mouth. The 1st year is very tough! Unfortunately, the more it sucks the better it works.

[@Slayer-7373]

This is absolutely key Richard, thanks for dropping some wisdom my friend. 🙏god bless, tomorrow makes two weeks 💪🙂

[@Redsnapper123]

4:50 staring at the beers transfixed. Reminds me of like a dog when you’re eating a hot dog 🌭 and they are just sitting there staring and scrounging. Won’t take their eyes off the food .

[@Slayer-7373]

That’s a great analogy man, drooling almost. Not any way any of us should want to live haha. God bless you and thanks for the comments.

[@xavierisrael3320]

Like Pookie in New Jack City: "IT'S CALLING ME". I know the feel bro

[@Slayer-7373]

Lol spot on bro. Bless 🙏

[@twosugarscream]

AA saved my life. I highly recommend you check it out. Get involved in the fellowship. There is no feeling greater feeling in the world than being among those who understand the pain and the trauma. There is so much identification. We're all different with different stories and yet so much is the same, it's just incredible. Those steps work. They have given me a design for living that has unlocked a life I never thought I could have or that I deserved. Quick note on AA. It is an anonymous program. We do not allow cameras or recordings. Not everyone recovers out loud and that's OK. Speaking on your experience is fine but please do not talk about the people you see there or their stories; those are theirs to share or not share. I felt it in my soul when you said you were "broken." Brought tears to my eyes. You are not alone. We do recover.

[@Slayer-7373]

Thank you so much for this comment 🙏🙏, congratulations on being sober as well 🙌🙌. I definitely need to give AA more of a chance. I love the IOP program that I’m in and it’s so similar to AA. Just a group of like minded people who understand each other trying to help. It’s like you said it shows you that you aren’t alone. I do believe we need other addicts to survive, even on community’s like this on my KZbin channel they are so necessary. Also yes absolutely, I respect people’s privacy and I respect the tradition of it being anonymous. I appreciate it honestly, even tho I do share my stories it’s part of the reason that I don’t share my real name, it gives me a sense of anonymity. 🙏🙏we aren’t alone, I will recover. One day at a time 🖤🙏

[@twosugarscream]

@@Slayer-7373 Absolutely! The keys to recovery are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. As long as you keep those keys than you will recover. And recovery is so beautiful and worth every bit of struggle and heart ache. Check out a few different meetings and find a group that resonates with you. I live in an area where AA is open minded and there's a lot of younger people so I've found a lot of meetings that work for me. YPAA (young people's) is a lot of fun. I also have a group that's a lot of Agnostics and atheists. It's helped me find spirituality in a way that's genuine and helpful. I'm rooting for you!! 🙏💕

[@mistoperator]

I’ve never met you but I know you. You got the talk but not the walk. What I did was treat AA like a bar, swallow my pride after a blackout and walk back in, every day, just like when I drank.

[@Slayer-7373]

🙏I’ve come to find out we are all so much alike, that’s why I truly believe we need one another. We understand each other like regular people don’t. It shows that we aren’t alone, we lift each other up in dark times. I like the way your handled AA, that actually a really good thing to do and I should probably do the same!!! It’s one day at a time, I got 2 weeks today and going strong. 💪 let’s keep getting it,

[@mistoperator]

@@Slayer-7373 I’ve got quite a bit of time on alcohol and now I’m working on another addiction, I got 90 days today and it’s been a good day. I used AA to get it, but I white knuckled it for the first 30 days because I was too proud to raise my hand. Once we take the first drink it’s over and sometimes we don’t even have power over that, you know, I listened to you. I also find journaling helps more than I thought it would. I hope you make it. Rick

[@RichardChips]

Bro I know you can get it together again. Your other videos you said you were months sober. Don’t waste your life getting black out drunk every day. Your videos and LD’s have helped me not drink as much this month.

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey Richard thanks brother 🙏🙏, you’re 100% I got this!! I want those months back again. You are the reason I make these videos man, if they are helping you not drink that’s just amazing. Tomorrow will make 2 weeks for me, I have no plans of going back to the drinking. Let’s keep pushing forward together 💪💪. God bless you man and congratulations on your sobriety. 🙏💪🙌

[@StacyNichole224]

My drink of choice was always rum for many years then switched to vodka. At my peek i could clear half a handle a night. I couldn’t eat or function all i did was drink. I think i shared this in another comment. Anyway it’s hard to listen to or think about drinking because it does trigger me. It hard to even use mouth wash because it reminds me of drinking. I try and listen to your videos but not gonna lie its hard to but i do 💯 support u and send positive energy your way for u to stay sober and kick alcohols ass for good! It took me over ten years to stop. But now for over a year I haven’t drank but i have problems with other things like ive shared but ive been off of it for over a month now. Nothing compares to alcohol. I don’t care what anyone says alcohol is the hardest to quit and ive done literally every drug out there. Alcohol ruined my life for many many years and now i have no friends or anyone to talk to because of it but i guess i dont care as long as i can stay away from it. Ok ill shut up now ✌️

[@Slayer-7373]

Thank you Stacy for sharing your experience, strength and hope. Comments like these show me that there is a way out, I’m so sorry for any triggers. I really should put a warning at the beginning just in case because I would never want anyone to relapse because of me, Don’t even worry about long comments either, i appreciate these. Thank you!!! Be easy. 🙏💯

[@StacyNichole224]

@@Slayer-7373 the title of your videos are trigger warnings but i still watch so you’re not doing anything wrong. If i ever relapse on alcohol it will be because i want to but i feel like the more time that goes by the easier it gets. Anyway have a good one 🙂

[@Slayer-7373]

@@StacyNichole224 🖤🖤

[@StacyNichole224]

@@Slayer-7373 🌺❤️

[@seg6629]

You describe everything 😢 I thankyou sir

[@Slayer-7373]

🖤🖤

[@CeeZee001]

I keep binging every Friday. I pulled a 24 hr binge this friday. I Killed about 30+ light beers. One is too many. I did 110 days before last Christmas but this time around ive got too comfortable. Hate this vicious cycle. But i believe im going to a meeting. Giving it a shot

[@Slayer-7373]

The fact that you went 110 days just shows you can do it and that you’re an absolute warrior. 110 days!!!!!! Is incredible. Just hop back on that horse, the only thing that ever makes me or you a loser or a failure is if we stop trying. If we stop getting on that horse, but if we keep trying that’s all that matters. I believe in you, god bless🙏

[@Herefortheballoons]

Words have power! Don’t be afraid to say “I will never drink again!

[@Slayer-7373]

You are 100% right, I need to start saying it!!! 🙏

[@henryblatchford5611]

Your not the only one don't feel alone

[@Slayer-7373]

@@henryblatchford5611 we in this together brother. 🙏

[@Idaknough]

I struggle w addiction too. You popped up. I loved your video. I like what you are doing. I like your message and how you deliver it. The speed of the video and how you explained yourself! Idk…you just click for me. And anyone that refers to Theo vonn has gotta be a good dude. At least w a good sense of humor right? 😂 I think you’re going to be alright. Please be alright. We need you!! 🙏🏼❤️😂

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey Amanda thank you so much 🙏🖤, also 100% on the Theo von comment 😂. This is An awesome comment, god bless 🙏🖤

[@mgray999]

Have you looked into harm reduction? Every time I tried abstinence, it didn't work. At one point, I was good, but something changed. Working towards responsible drinking

[@XRZ65]

A couple of beers will be enough of a fuel for a month or two at least.No strong stuff,obviously,this will trigger too hard Responsible drinking is individual,and not for this channel;quick advice-some lemon Before to protect yourself from toxic alcohol refinement products Anyway,he seems to be in deep trouble,he's a maniac,so his 1st step must be a rehab center,im afraid;definitely not living alone

[@Slayer-7373]

I’ve heard some of it, I’ve never actually given it a shot, but it’s like Michael said I am in trouble at the moment with drinking. I need to completely stay away from it so my body, mind and soul can heal. Also as Michael said “maniac” is a pretty good word to describe me and my drinking lol. God bless all of you guys!!! 🙏

[@zacharymoore9596]

I’m going through the same shit. Have been really giving aa a try. It helped a lot, but what helped the most is a book called the “stop drinking now” I listened on audio book. It makes you know that alcohol is garbage and doesn’t do what you tricked yourself into believing it does for you.

[@Slayer-7373]

You are not alone brother, I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Proud of you for wanting to change, that’s where it starts for us man. I’ll have to check those out as well! Thanks brotha

[@alexandralutz2608]

wow. what a beautiful voice u have

[@Slayer-7373]

Awe that’s so sweet of you to say, thank you 🙏

[@debbieporter6581]

Hi, thinking.of you. I hope you're doing ok today. Please take care. ❤🙏

[@Slayer-7373]

@@debbieporter6581 I’m hanging in there Debbie thank you 🙏🙏, 2 weeks away from that bottle today and going strong.

[@adriangronewold7433]

Hey slayer. I'm new to the channel and I love your videos. Just wanted to say thanks for the motivation to get sober and stay off drugs/ alcohol. Stay on the path brother we are all in this together. Much love. Also on a different note, fellow led zeppelin fan here, what's your favorite song by them if i may ask? Mine is when the levee breaks.

[@Slayer-7373]

@@adriangronewold7433 glad you’re here in the journey with me brother, the thanks goes to you. Also man it’s so hard to pick a favorite song, it might be over the hills and far away. That song holds a special place in my heart, but some of my other favorites would be. Ramble on Going to California The rain song Like you said when the levee breaks is pretty great Tangerine Misty mountain top Traveling riverside blues is another favorite of mine. My dad got my into zeppelin years ago, been a fan ever since.

[@kirklarson1316]

As to "why"? When asked,.. hard to say. All I know is -once that fuse is lit-STAND BACK- 'cause there will be mayhem &destruction!

[@Slayer-7373]

Absolutely Kirk 100% man.

[@janwarriner6554]

Many of us have loads of past trauma but we don’t drink. That solves nothing. It’s self destruction. AA saved my life. I went 6-7 meetings a week. That’s what it took. Total commitment to sobriety. It works if you work it.

[@Slayer-7373]

Drinking only makes the problems worse. Congratulations on your sobriety 🙏🙌🖤

[@janwarriner6554]

@@Slayer-7373 you an do it too but are you willing to do whatever it takes? Only 1 in 10 recover. The rest make half assed effort.

[@jacobgarner5593]

That’s insane that you drink 🍺 like that my boy 💯💯💯💯 danmmmmmm that’s hella scary 😧 I absolutely will not drink hard liquor 🥃 the anxiety is so bad the next day !!! My heart will race so bad the next day and I’ll really start panicking hella bad asking my self are you haveing a stroke rite !!!! Now ????? Beer 🍺 only for me !!!! I need to stop 🛑 I’m struggling so bad 4 tall cans every single day !!! It’s so bad !!! And I woke up around 2am and yes I seen a demon standing on me brooooooo !!!!! I’m going to keep reading 📖 my Bible every day now and keep going to church ⛪️ I know what I saw 👀 💯💯💯💯

[@Slayer-7373]

Yea bro it honestly even blows my mind the amounts that i drink and have drank. It’s absolute hell the next day and following days depending how long you drink. People don’t understand how horrific and f*ckin terrible and demonic heavy drinking is. Also bro you can definitely stop, you’re already on the right path with God. I totally understand Bro, I saw a demon in the first detox center I stayed at. I’ve seen stuff in withdrawals that I just can’t describe, it’s straight demonic. God bless you bro, we got this. 🙏💯 keep me updated man.

[@andreryan5808]

Checking in everyone, I ended up going to ER hallucinating and shaking. You know, the usual. Just got out today, I FUCKING HATE LIBRIUM FEELING. Anyway, Thank you for the family support, please guys don't end up in the ER anymore like me N Slayer recently.

[@Slayer-7373]

Hey brother how are you doing man?? I’m sorry that happened…. I know all too well. You went to where you should have then, the ER. This is a fresh start man, come on this journey with me. I only have 2 weeks and a day sober, join me man. We can do this. Also yes!!! Everyone out there learn from our mistakes!!! 🙏

[@MiddlePath33]

“Blackout” means something else was in the drivers seat. Each time you black out an entity is given access to your person.

[@Slayer-7373]

100% agree.

[@jbenz1990]

Good video. You need to get some sober buddies that you can hang out with and reach out to if you have the urge to drink. It doesn’t seem like family support is there and that’s ok go find a family that will support you

[@Slayer-7373]

100% man, I need a community in person. I have this community online with you awesome people but it’s also important to have that in person. Thanks my friend for being on this journey with me 🙏, be easy.

[@joshchapman3515]

One thing you can do on the weekends is go to the park or to the gym. Maybe even go to church.

[@Slayer-7373]

These are fantastic ideas man. I’ve been thinking about church, I goto a Bible study on Mondays and the guy who leads it actually just asked me today if I wanted to start going to church. The gym as well is something i absolutely need back in my life, I’ve been holding off because of my health but the second I feel up to it I need to be in there. Mind body and soul needs some repair work haha. Anyways, god bless man thank you. 🙏

[@user-bo5qb2rb8q]

I agree when your an addict you dont have willpower, all you have is a blank emotion and you forget what its like to feel normal emotions, feels like all you can do is wish you got better without any way of doing anything to make you better, its like trying to catch fish in cement...was for me anyway

[@Slayer-7373]

You said this perfectly lol

[@Angela-zp2gy]

Nights are a trigger for me. Its a day at a time and sometimes a minute at a time

[@Slayer-7373]

Same for me Angela, one day at a time 🙏🙏

[@shaynewest8757]

Been sober since January 19 2019 after 30 years of destroying myself. Its nice to have a comma in my bank account.

[@Slayer-7373]

Congratulations brother on the sobriety, that is awesome. Also yes!!! That’s what I’m talking about bro💰 💴, be easy my friend!

[@sharonparis8916]

Have mercy Jesus.

[@Slayer-7373]

Amen. 🙏🙏

[@hman2248]

As David Foster Wallace said: "There's a lot of narcissism in self-hatred"

[@Slayer-7373]

There might be some truth in that

[@Redsnapper123]

10:02 damn your poor dad

[@Slayer-7373]

I know 😔, a shame what we put our parents and loved ones through as addicts.

[@Redsnapper123]

8:02 what happened with your boss in the end? Were you fired?

[@Slayer-7373]

Thank god I did not get fired, one more screw up though they told me I’m out! I know the bosses very very well but they’ve given me chance after chance. When I’m not drinking I’m an great employee, but when that booze comes in all bets are off.

[@Redsnapper123]

@@Slayer-7373 good 👍

[@Slapshot544]

Fucking feel you dawg. I remember earlier this year I woke up went straight to the dispensary bought a strong edible and the high wasnt good enough so I drove right back and bought a cart and I lied to the person working saying I lost the edible but in reality my tolerance was so high I needed something stronger and got a live rosin cartridge which is the strongest shit they have

[@Slayer-7373]

The early days of smoking and doing edibles are magical I won’t lie.

[@olives2426]

the demonic shit is real. I felt like I was possessed toward the end of my drinking. been sober since june 26 2024. praying for us all❤

[@Slayer-7373]

100%, I know what you mean….. you aren’t alone. We are in this together, congratulations on the sober time as well!!! 🙌that is amazing. Keep doing what you’re doing it’s working!! God bless. 🙏

[@SavingSoulsMinistries]

southern comfort 100 proof.. oof. i worked at a liquor store and got everything for whole sale prices. my boss bought a huge amount of a specific kind of booze and the distributor threw in 4 cases of 151 rum for like 3 dollars a bottle for a liter... so thats how much i paid for it. we sold it for 19.99 but i was legit the only person who ever bought it. i could drink half a bottle in one sitting, puke then start up again as if nothing happened. talk about insanity

[@SavingSoulsMinistries]

for anyone wondering the brand was called Ron Carlos 151

[@Slayer-7373]

I know of this insanity you speak of all too well my friend. We don’t need to live that way, one day at a time we are improving and becoming better versions of ourselves. God bless 🙏