Are Non-Parents Happier Than Parents || Motherhood In Progress

Hey guys! Welcome back to another episode of Motherhood In Progress. Today I'm talking all about happiness in parenthood and if it actually makes us happy or if we just tell ourselves that to get by. I hope you enjoy and learn something!
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[@jpullo]

I personally think that people have a hard time admitting that they miss the person they were or life they had prior to having their children - and this doesn’t equate to regretting your decision to have your children - but I don’t think people can separate these feelings. I hope this makes sense… but I think people should be more open to talk about the fact that it’s a struggle to find the balance and that admitting this does not mean you would do anything differently.

[@MeganAcuna]

I love this!

[@ladybugflv]

I very much miss my old life and I also shared this with my husband in a burst of honesty. I was so exhausted at one point that I told him what I felt at times, that I have moments in which I hope this is a nightmare I want to wake up from.

[@christinakellagher7594]

I am also curious about support contributing to parental happiness. Here in the US (in my case and circle of friends and colleagues from predominantly white American families) tend to receive little to no support (financial, physical, emotional, spiritual) from their family and friends. Whereas, my Kazakh husband’s friends with children talk about being more happy having kids. They receive a lot of in home support to help raise children (financial, chores, cooking etc.) on top of government aid for new mothers. Moreover, our family friends from various other cultures (Iran, Uzbekistan, Albania) have discussed how their culture supports the psychological transition from single self to parent for both the father and mother with actual rituals, ceremonies, and self care after birth to help guide the parents into their new physical, psychological and spiritual role of being a parent. We have nothing of the sort in the US (and IMO a baby shower could hardly be considered for the parents.) Maybe the US has more issues with happiness because there is little to no support nor psychological help for new families. 🤔🤷‍♀️

[@katerinailievska5673]

this is so true!

[@mercyohlala8573]

I was so unhappy, almost burned out from my job (psychiatric nurse) prior to my pregnancy. I was able to stop working at 4 weeks pregnant, and my life changed completely!!! My baby is now 7mo and I’m so happy and thankful and I don’t miss my old life at all 🙏🏾 I’m so blessed with a wonderful marriage and Baby ❤️👼🏽

[@marisellopez6022]

the only downside for me of being a parent for me that no one told me about is the incredible amount of fear I have over everything, before having a kid I was very Laissez-faire about everything. Now i'm thinking and overthinking everything because of so much responsibility I feel over the safety and care for my kids.

[@Joraelfa]

Yes, agree! Soo much anxiety and fear. Made me chuckle when I read somewhere: "mothers don't sleep, they worry with their eyes closed"

[@RCP511]

Same here!!

[@dizzlecookie]

I miss the freedom of being able to go and do what I want and not worry about screaming car rides, breastfeeding, nap times. Running out the door or going on a trip without a second thought. Showering and eating whenever I want. Those kind of things about the way my world was before. BUT!!! There's a beautiful little human here that wasn't here before, and I could not imagine my life without her. Or the world being without her. The anticipation of discovering more about her and the kind of person she'll be in the future is so exciting to me! It's a trade I made to have her in my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. 🥰 I let myself grieve the loss of my old life when I need to, and talk about it when I need too. But I regret nothing. Hopefully in a few years I'll be able to do things I like with less stress though haha. Very interesting discussion, I loved it!

[@AshleyEmbers]

Thank you for sharing 😊

[@lisalisa671]

I had my first (and at the moment only) daughter at the age of 32. I never wanted children and lived my life in exactly that way. A few years ago my period was late and I discovered that ir would no longer be completely devastated, if I happened to were pregnant (I was not). From that point on, I (and my husband) thought about having a child and at some point live without kids had nothing more to offer for me. Yes, motherhood is extremely hard sometimes, but I‘m really happy with my new life. So, I think it comes down to me reeeeeaaaallllllyyyy taking my time 😊🧡

[@amarshall5407]

I don’t really miss who I was before kids because honestly I am still very much the same. A quiet homebody, chronic worrier, gamer, reader, etc. and I still do all those things. My husband and I relationship actually improved a lot. Partly because having a kid made us realize that we needed to handle things better to be more effective parents. I am in the US and I think society expectations and no support from jobs causes a lot of unhappiness. My husband and I both have really flexible jobs and it definitely contributes to our overall happiness.

[@payad4778]

What I don’t fully understand is: how is happiness measured? For all those stats, how does one measure how happy they are? Or is it amount of people that declare themselves happy? I am genuinely so happy to be a mother. When my daughter explores something new, I feel like I’m experiencing it for the first time again... I wonder how boring my life must have been before 😂 and honestly I don’t feel that my marriage has suffered either... we work together to build this little family.

[@MadameEclipseRose]

about the sick days: I don't know how it works in denmark but I assume it is the same as in Austria. Here we don't have any amount of sick days... If you are sick you stay at home (of course fully paid). You can call in sick for 3 days without going to the doctor, after the 3 days you have to bring a doctors notice to your employer but you can stay at home as long as you need (your doctor tells you to). If you are longer sick than for 5 weeks, your pay is not covered by your company anymore. Instead your health provider takes in and pays you 80 % of your salary. Oh yeah, and if your child or spouse is sick you can get 2 weeks of for caring for them

[@user-jb5wm2rd1g]

Wow. So.. A mom from Estonia in here 🙋‍♀️ and uh.. makes me so freaking sad to hear this. Just to give more insight from around the world: in my country they actually pay you to have children. The money grows with every child added and it was literally the reason my sister was able to save up and buy a house, because she decided for 3 kids. Just make babies and you get paid for that 😆😆 also.. 1.5 year maternity leave AND you get even more money if you make the babies max 2 years apart. This used to be 1.5 years, but they recently changed it- that's how desperate they are 😀😀 but then again, our population is only 1.3 million people so I guess we could use some extra hands in the future. But just... Uh, makes me appreaciate so much. I guess I am lucky to be born in here. Not gonna get into healthcare at all, because apart from dental care (until 18 y.o) it's all free. It literally made me sick to hear you have to pay 40$ for a skin to skin with your baby in the US? Shouldn't that be the most basic human right? Anyways, great talk! Thanks and love ya 🥰 oh, and also, dads can now stay at home with the mom for a month.

[@laural.b7515]

The evolution from your first video talk to this one is really great, you can be proud! In only few "episodes" this ameliorated so much, with the pole and the researchs before hand, such an interesting video.

[@raenewnham7490]

I wonder if part of the happiness gap in the US has to do with the fact that parents have no support socially or from the government. We don't get paid parental leave, childcare is expensive, etc.

[@drowningstar5]

I think personality and support have a lot to do with parental happiness. I have always been a natural caregiver throughout my life. I also have a big family and genuinely enjoy being around kids. So for me having a baby came naturally and I have sisters and a husband that support me. My cousin on the other hand is the opposite. She was an only child, she is a very independent and driven person which are excellent traits for her career but not so much when it comes to raising kids. It’s hard for her to be flexible and patient with her sons and she gets overwhelmed when they make messes or derail her schedule. In my opinion people with that personality will always struggle with finding happiness in parenthood because children are unpredictable, messy, loud, and inconsistent. Combine that with a lack of support and of course you’re going to be miserable. We weren’t meant to raise children alone.

[@nicola6234]

I think your last sentence hits the nail on the head. We used to live in bigger groups, multiple generations under one roof or at least very close by. Now it's just mom and dad and the kids. My family lives at the other end of the world, and while my in-laws are close by and super supportive, I do miss having my own family. I wish my mom, sister, aunt and cousin could just drop by and hang out anytime, it would make motherhood so much less lonely.

[@LizzyTwifehomemaker]

One point worth making is whether or not happiness is overrated when considering what we should do in our lives. For example: I did not like school growing up. I can definitively tell you that it was a huge source of my anxiety and lack of happiness. However, that does not mean that school was not worth doing or was a bad thing. I would not trade those years of school for anything as I see how much they improved my life. I think the same is true for children. While in the moment they may not make parents happier they are still worth all the heartache, pain, sadness, sleepless nights, time and energy because in the end, an entirely new human was brought to this world and raised to be a competent, useful adult. If we only think about life in terms of happiness we will never get anything useful done. I'm very happy just sitting on my couch watching Netflix and eating junk food. That definitely makes me happier than when I need to do something useful, but it does not make me a productive human. Life isn't about happiness alone, its about doing things that matter. If we just focus on happiness, nothing useful would ever get done. If we focus on what matters, then we are much more productive people. In the end, there are people who are going to lie on their deathbed and say that they felt a lot of the emotion "happiness" but still regret their lives because they did not accomplish anything. Children are a wonderful accomplishment and thus worth all the lack of happiness that they might cause.

[@katerinailievska5673]

great post!

[@LM-nn7sg]

Wow, that was beautifully put!

[@viktorijasaveska780]

I am not a parent (I will be one day - hope so) but I personally think that is no one's job to make us happy and it is a very big pressure to give that job to a child (it's not fair)... For sure, marriage can't be fixed be having a kid. I personally know couples that are more miserable after having kid then before but yes they are still together. We should be happy by yourself and with our partners and then bring a kid into our happiness :D

[@mangobebi]

I loved this and you summarized those research pieces super well, would love to see more research-y videos!

[@noellerohovit5908]

For me, I really don't miss my old self that much because I love this new mom version so much more. Of course having my son has added some new habits and routines to my life but I wouldn't change anything for the world. The fact that my husband and I created this cute little human who relys solely on us is crazy! No matter how hard a day may be, one smile from my son makes it all worth it for me💗 I'm not trying to ignore others feelings on the topic, just sharing my own🤗 Also, I would love a day in the life for you and Rook, maybe with some emphasis on nursing and sleep routines! (Currently finishing the 4 month sleep regression 🙃)

[@morganTW4ever]

There are moments with my baby that genuinely make me happy but overall I'd say I would be happier without a child. My relationship with my fiance wouldn't be so stressful. I miss him a lot because I can't just cuddle him after he gets home from work. I have to take care of the baby before anything and by the time she goes to bed he's in bed. I get so irritated so easily.

[@RCP511]

I felt this. My husband and I have really tried to reconnect again since baby girl. She’s 2 months now, but we have the same issues. He has to leave early for work and is one of those guys who always has several irons in the fire, taking even more of his free time. So when he is home I try to get the baby down for bed so we have some time in the evenings together but it rarely works out and sometimes I end up frustrated because I just miss him. I love my daughter and wouldn’t change having her for a second but it’s a challenge sometimes to keep us all happy. I Just have to remember it’s a season and babies don’t keep. The days are long but the years are short. I’m sure you’ve heard those before.

[@juniper1982]

I have the exact same thing happening with my husband. He’s in bed by the time both kids are...

[@LM-nn7sg]

How are things for you all now? I have a four month old baby and would love to know how things have changed for you guys in two years time.

[@linam.9675]

I'm pleasantly surprised at the thoroughness of this video! Great work!

[@alexisweaver493]

Suggestion for the next one! Can you discuss sleep training??? 😊😊😊 Absolutely love your channel btw.💕

[@oliviacartwright4869]

Very interesting topic! I’m almost 25 and have been really thinking about when the right time for me is to have a child. I am worried about loosing myself in the whirlwind of motherhood, or resenting my partner if he does not put in as much time/effort as I do. I’ve always known I wanted a kid, and am excited for it … but there are always pros and cons.

[@HerWanderlust]

Impossible to compare 💜 hopefully those who are parents chose that mindfully, and so can find happiness in that.. And those who are not parents (who were able to choose) can find happiness in that 💜

[@jhayden-cm4yx]

This so well researched and thought out! This is an excellent series, you are great at this.

[@marisellopez6022]

can we have the conversation that a lot of people feel the need to be a parent? Not everyone will enjoy being a parent and as a society we really need to normalize not having kids.

[@jpullo]

Yesssssss!! And no one should be criticized for this. I hate the “you don’t know what you’re missing” argument and sure that might be true. But shouldn’t we be more accepting of the fact that people who know they don’t want children are responsible enough to recognize this?

[@AnuschkavanDijke]

Personally, parenting and happiness keep me in a weird split. I have more focus, more direction in life, and to some degree fulfilment. But it also leaves me with no time to benefit from that new-found focus and direction, cos it's all going towards my child, and there's little left for me. But, I also know I didn't have a child for my own fulfilment or development. I had a child cos I wanted to pay life forward, and now I'm caring for that life, however I can. I am supposed to put myself second to that, that's how nature intended it.

[@loveispinkxoxo1]

This is an amazing video, very interesting. Thank you, I can tell you put a lot of work into it.

[@stupefyedits1633]

I can tell to!!

[@racheldesimone4460]

I know you did BLW.. a video on that versus the traditional puree, adult led feeding would be neat!

[@AnielaNuta]

YES! Fully onboard with that proposal!

[@NatalieAlfordvideos]

As a new mom of a 5 month old, I miss sleep and not having to worry about nap schedules, but that's about it. Any other parts of parenthood that I don't like are external factors. I wish we had longer maternity (and paternity) leave, and more flexible work options after maternity leave.

[@brittanypepper1292]

Thanks for the insightful video! This could not have come at a more perfect time. My husband and I were planning on starting our TTC journey next cycle but I can’t help but flip flop on whether or not we should even have kids. We really want to explore and travel more and covid has made that nearly impossible…but I’m 33 and he is 41 so feeling the pressure to start soon. Either way this video helps to paint an informed decision so thank you again for sharing!

[@sonicandtoadettefan6523]

I'm pretty much happy and i'm not a parent. The fact that some ppl (not this yt channel) tell others "oh ur gonna be unhappy if ur not a parent" is juts ignorant

[@mefeatme]

Loved this video - very interesting topic! I spent a lot of time thinking ”when will my life go back to normal?” after having my son who is now 5 months old. Took some time before I relized that it won’t ever go back and I won’t have the same freedom and that’s ok and also kind of the whole point. I wouldn’t want my pre-kids life back but still have a hard time accepting my new life sometimes. Also - in Sweden we get a year of maternity leave with 80% pay. It’s a flexible system and you can be on maternity leave for longer with less money if you want. Also, you can split the maternity leave between parents and one of the parents (mostly the father) is requiered to take at least 3 months.

[@alyshaflindall6041]

Currently raising my 5 month old alone (+ grandparents) so when I look at my life at large... yes, maybe I was happier before. But I have found that having a baby forces me to be very present. I have never practised more "in-the-moment-ness" before than I do now. So I definitely have more happier moments now (but I also have very UNhappy moments too lol). And what else do we really have but the present moment?

[@semelipapadogiannakis7520]

Interesting topic! In Sweden we get 80% of our wage and some companies/state employees get 90% of the wage for 480 days between the two parents.

[@jessica_chanel]

I’m not a parent yet & go to parties where everyone around me has children so that is the ONLY time I feel left out. However, I’m still in no rush to try & feel very happy in my life & freedom. I also think women are having children at an older age which may help with the happiness gap. I sometimes feel so busy & overwhelmed & don’t want kids at all 😩 but I also feel deep down id be missing out if I didn’t.

[@jessica_chanel]

I’d also like to say & I know this may come off wrong, but I love spending time with my boyfriend, quality time, all the cuddles & I know that would significantly change with a child. Do you feel it has with you & Josh?

[@AshleyEmbers]

Totally. That probably will change for you as it does for most. You just have to be more intentional about prioritizing that one on one time

[@en9134]

I miss who I was before having a baby, but I think that's because it kind of feels like my only identity now is being a mother, if that makes sense? I have a high needs baby so most of my waking moments are spend caring for my child and making sure he's happy, and sometimes that makes me miss my old life when I only had myself to look after and had time to put myself first. I think it's normal to struggle with parenthood because it's such a huge adjustment, that doesn't mean these babies aren't incredibly loved and cared for.

[@phwar26]

I started answering these questions on IG, but stopped because my baby is only 3 months and I didn’t want to skew the results. Right now, I’m almost exclusively breastfeeding and it’s a lot. Any freedom I had has dissipated and it’s been quite hard for me. I’m sure this will improve over time, and your video helped validate that!

[@atiakhursheed]

These were my words to my little 6 month old today...I am so tired and exhausted and my life is upside down.....but putting her to sleep I was like I can't have it without her now.....

[@veronicaelise5120]

I’m in the US I have one 3 month baby so far. I absolutely love it! I got married and immediately got pregnant. My marriage was good, but it’s been even better now. I switched to working part time which has reduced so much stress in my life. I was never “baby crazy” before getting pregnant, so I’m surprised by how much I enjoy motherhood so far. I can’t wait to have a second baby. My husband and I are both very easy going, so I think that helps. The hard part for me has just been the prolonged physical challenges/pain that have come from pregnancy and labor.

[@hannahpaetz6912]

I'm a new mom in Norway. My daughter is 3 months old and I gave birth via CS, we paid nothing. I'm on a maternal leave for a year with my full salary plus 180 USD monthly support from the government until my child turns 6. My husband got 2 weeks leave after I gave birth and he will also have his own paternal leave after mine. We have 5 weeks holiday here and sick leave is allowed for 3 consecutive days, 12 times a year. We also have leaves if your kid is sick. The big support from government makes it easier for Norwegian parents. 🇳🇴❤

[@MariaRose360]

This is my favourite video of yours. FYI Norway is Full pay as in your full wage 🤣

[@inbetweenplants]

I cannot imagine going back to work after 3 months or only having 2-3 weeks of holiday over a year. I thought a lot about that when my son was 3 months, and it made me hug him even more. Being from Denmark, I am blessed with a full year of fully payed maternity leave (your company pays a part and the state pays the rest) and 5 weeks of fully payed holiday plus a number of public holidays to keep my sanity and enjoy my family, who - for me - life is all about. I was 30 years old when I had my son, and as much as it wasn't possible to have him sooner, I wish we had, because it has really given my life purpose and direction. I know my husband misses our old life more than I do, but I think it's just as much Covid19's fault. I miss my own time and (more) couples-time, but as my son gets older, I can see it becoming more and more possible with my parents being able to look after him. Ps. can't help it, but I giggle and cringe a bit when non-danish-speaking-people says 'hygge' and 'lykke', but I don't know how to explain how to pronounce it. It's so strange to me, that they are concepts that are talked so much about, when we just live with them!

[@VrieChica078]

I know I’m commenting on this much later, but the average time for maternity leave in the states is 3 months UNPAID. This is the only federal requirement- your job can’t fire you if you take 12 weeks of unpaid leave.

[@kiailsemaddock3010]

This is a great honest yarn, thanks Ash. Hmmm, I think happiness is a fickle thing and for me it is more dependent on wether I do my yoga and meditation practice in the morning rather than wether I have kids or not. Do my kids make me happier? I’m not sure but my life is 100% richer with them in it. … My oldest is 10 and my youngest is 9 weeks old. It was so hard the first time! Everything was new and shocking and exhausting. But it really goes so quickly, and your feedom will be back before you know it, so I’m treasuring every moment with this little one … well nearly every moment.

[@elliegault]

Deciding to have a child is a huge commitment. Being a parent is about being selfless to this little baby/child who never asked to be born and depends solely on it's parents/caregivers. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember and to me it's lived up to the hype that I created for myself. I intentionally choose each day to remember that this beautiful child, even in the hardest moments, is a reflection of myself and how God sees us. He's our caregiver, our comfort and teacher. It is a HUGE honor to take the roll of demonstrating God's love for us. That is why I think being told by society that you NEED to have kid's to fulfill your life is wrong. If you don't want to be a parent, please don't let people convince you that you have to. It's not wrong to not want to take on that role, it's an honor but not necessary to be happy.

[@DemiDemeter]

I live in the USA and I am very jealous of those long maternity leaves! Here we are just covered by the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) for 12 weeks. That just means we can't be fired and we don't get paid at all. Some employers will pay a portion of your wage under short-term disability for a few weeks. I was paid at 60% of my wage for 6 weeks and I hoarded all my vacation time to cover a few more weeks then I was just unpaid. Lots of people return to work after the 6 week period at my job because they can't afford to take any unpaid time off. Oh, and if you've taken your full 12 weeks of FMLA and you have another medical issue come up in the same 12 month period where you have to miss work, you will probably get fired.

[@lisalisa671]

Wow, that‘s heavy 😳! And very stressful! I live in Austria, where we are very blessed with our medical system and the regulations for maternity leave and childcare. I really can not understand, how a state can have so little protection and care for mothers (and their children)! Now I‘m even more thankful! All the best for you!!

[@kl8916]

For me personally I felt the least happy during the first year of my daughters life. Because I was working full time and moving up the corporate latter & felt like society expected that from me. The girl boss movement made me feel like if I didn’t help provide I was a failure. Finally after a year I left my full time career. People thought I was insane, I was offered even more money to stay. And for the longest I was filled with self doubt about our decision. But I’ve come to terms that this is what my family & I want & need to be happy & fulfilled in motherhood. I still cheer for the girl boss mamas but it just wasn’t for me even though prior to children I was the girl boss.

[@genevieveevans7307]

I'm way happier now. I think it's because I feel the most forfilled I have ever felt then any career could ever give me. I guess I never really had an idea of where I wanted to be if I didn't have kids. So you could say Ive always wanted to be a mum and therefore I've never been happier. I also think it's because I never get a moment to stop and think about my life before my son. It's an interesting subject. And one that a lot of parents can relate to but also not really want to talk about. I may have to do my own little reaction to this vid... Thanks for the inspo!

[@mona-fy4oj]

I have been struggling with ppd for 11 months now and there have been many, many times when I have thought having a child was the biggest mistake of my life. We have had so many issues. People keep promising me things will get easier so that keeps me going. This was an interesting video, thank you.

[@AnielaNuta]

I am sorry to hear things are tough at the moment, but I am sure they will eventfully get (and feel) better. Good luck!

[@laurenmason1743]

As a child of divorce, can I just say, PLEASE DO NOT "STAY TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS". I remember growing up in a household that was very unhealthy, because my parents thought they had to get married and stay married because they had kids together. Toward the end of their relationship plates were being thrown at night and shouting was normal. Even at 8 years old, when they announced their divorce I was RELIEVED.

[@yanka1650]

I wonder who and how made these studies. Like what group of people were interviewed and the numbers. Cuz im surrounded by large community of mothers and seen both negative and positive sides, but definitely more of happy families than not happy. 😊

[@jakevlogs5770]

I'm honestly happier, I don't miss who I was. I'm a disabled mom but parenting actually makes me feel like I can do things I didn't think I could before, makes me more confident although I do have more anxieties about different things. Ains usually distracts me from it though. Just know it would've been more helpful to save first, don't wish to change it though

[@kenjijohnson8672]

I’m definitely not as happy as a parent, but the reasons are secondary to my son. I LOVE my baby - but infancy is hard as hell! Lol! And he’s actually a good baby!! Lol!! But for me, due to work restrictions and thus financial restrictions, I live in a one bedroom. So even though my 6.5 month old could use his own room at this point - I still roomshare. Great for SIDS prevention, but bad for mommy me-time. After my son goes to bed at 730pm, my response would be completely different if I could have a glass of wine (calm down, not breastfeeding), write in my journal, and watch ratchet tv for a couple of hours. It would make the WORLD of difference!

[@ruminab]

I love those series! Keep them going ❤️

[@Abcdefghijajajaja]

I absolutely love parenthood no one can take that from me. I’m so much happier with my children. I love who I am now better. I’ve grown beautifully, I see life different. It’s the best thing in the world for me. Another thing, this Gap doesn’t scar me or concern me. People, as humans we are looking for “happy highs” we are looking to serve ourselves. Not serve other people. So when kids come along we can’t be selfish anymore. People aren’t looking to love kids they want a white picket fence dream. Notice how baby showers and first birthdays are all about parents and taking photos. It’s selfish. Once the child is older then people are bored, they don’t like the work anymore. It’s all selfish. I haven’t found a group where I fit in with mothers, all they do is complain complain…. They don’t WANT to look for a genuine result to the conflict, they want to complain and feel bad for themselves. It’s ridiculous and I don’t waste time looking into this topic. Ps: PPD is no joke, not invalidating that. PPS, the marriage topic… again. Humans are selfish. It’s all about them in a marriage. Little couples are actually in it to win it and be together through thick and thin, sickness and in health, people are weak and give up when it’s hard.

[@lauramantis5826]

What an honest and beautiful comment. Sad and true

[@zuzanawarren4631]

I was so expecting( sorta hoping) you say parents are more happier than non parents. I guess we were all lied to haha. But I did once upon a time read parents enjoy their relationship most when their kids become adults. I guess it pays off after 18-25 years depending how quickly your child matures. For future topics please discuss pros and cons of having a second child. Why some parents are having only one.I am noticing one and done is more of a trend now.

[@andreaharper2380]

I had my one and only at 47 so hubby and I are financially stable and emotionally stable. I know the first year was tougher on him as he is 7 years older than I but I'm so much happier. I've always wanted kids but because it happened so late in my life we will only have the one which is fine. We can dote on her and I for one probably wouldn't have the patience for that first year again..lol. We of course like others have to get back into a groove with each other since we haven't really had a date night in her 20 months of life but we aren't big club people but we do like to go out to eat on occasion. But with all the pandemic issues we haven't done much of that either. But we are good and he has been such a great hands on Dad. I would say she enriches our lives so much.

[@yanka1650]

For me personally i think life is about seasons and perspective. U can be miserable in all seasons of life if u have constant negative view of things and feel entitled. But besides that, i had my first baby at 30, and everything else i have accomplished in life seems very meaningless to me now. Yes parenting is difficult but id pick it over any high paying jobs that i loved and over degree that i got. I used to be one of those extremely independent and free peopl who said “id never stay home with a kid, ill go back to work right away” and i dont ever want to go back to work now. Yes the fact that moms get little to no maternity leave sucks, but we make it work with one income now, and still are happy. I think it sucks that moms only get up to 6 weeks of leave, cuz thats the hardest time in transitioning and leaning, then u go back to work , something thats familiar and u love it more. That paints a sad and hard picture for many moms, and it sucks.

[@evapoole4514]

Great job on the research! 👍

[@MariaRose360]

I imagine that if I could work part time without any financial burden that would create an environment for maximum happiness with or without kids. A study found that Women are at the least risk of mental health problems when they work part time

[@chloej2470]

Very interesting video and subject! I think its important to have those discussions even if those stats can make us uncomfortable. Québec has 8.50$ daycare subsidy and it is part of Trudeau's platform to have a similar program all over Canada (for 10$ I believe). In reality, there is almost no places left in Quebec daycare so you might need to go to a private daycare which is still 50$/day until your kid is a bit older. However, a deal was just made with the federal to help us have more 8.50$/day and make it that most families have access to it which I think is great as I live in Quebec!

[@AshleyEmbers]

Thank you for clarifying!

[@fannierioux-gauthier5057]

I wish you would have explore the situation of stay at home mom. I am certain parents are happier if the mom stay at home. Anyways, good video :)

[@emilypogoda1484]

Quebec has the 10$ a day daycare subsidy. Alberta (I think the rest of the country is talking about it too) that they want to implement it. Mostly NDP wanting to buy people's votes I think haha!

[@morganTW4ever]

I wish I knew why some people that don't really take care of their children want to keep having more and more babies like they only like the baby phase and then it seems they just are absentee parents to the child once they become a toddler and then they pop out another baby. (My sister in law does this 😓)

[@rei4627]

I do believe you need a lot of support when you have children. It is a lot of responsibility to have a human completely dependent on you, without the support of a spouse and family I think you're going find yourself pretty miserable. And I do find that a common experience from single parents (my mom included). I also think there are certain personalities that are better at dealing with kids, and that many (if not all) have a biological gravitation to parenthood. If you think about it, every lineage has had children for decades, up to now. It is only now we are seeing a decline in birth rates, but also an uprise on mental illness. You can also miss your life pre-children, but not regret post-children. I often find myself missing things about my childhood, but that doesn't mean I regret who I have become now. Anyways, I'm 3months post partum, and as rough as it not getting a lot sleep and your free time being completely absorbed in your child, I feel like I've grown and changed into a better person since I've had her. Something I don't know I would have done if I just stayed childfree, unmarried, etc. I also feel a deep sadness to think if she weren't here with me, so I do know I care about my baby a lot. I think these are all great trade-offs of parenthood.

[@ashb2404]

Wouldn't happiness be so much easier if we could just go back to Little House On The Prairie days 😁 I truly feel there is a big difference between happiness and joy... We're taught that happiness is everything... While it's nice, its so unrealistic to be happy ALL the time... But joy can last 24/7, 365 days a year... I find my children give me joy regardless of how happy I am. For me, joy begins with God and flows over into other areas of my life. Keeping my joy isn't automatic, sometimes it has to be very intentional. Simplicity makes happiness more realistic for me, but I feel like the world we live in has gone out of their way to over complicate every area of life. So.... I'm gonna keep striving for joy and be thankful for the happy moments.... I definitely rambled some, so sorry.

[@misaexner1037]

Omg what? We have 4 weeks of vacation (by law), but most companies offer 5 weeks. Maternity leave - 6 months 70% of your wage from the state. My company payed me the 30% on top. Then you can start "Parental" leave - up to 3 years of paid support. The pay is really small, but at least something...

[@IvorieAcostaPerez]

I appreciate this video so much! I am a new mom of an 8 month old boy and I always tell my husband how I miss the “old” me before kids. But that doesnt mean I dont like my kid/life now. Its so confusing actually. Im sad but not? Does that even make sense? 😅

[@AnielaNuta]

Haha, it totally does. I think we should all work towards closing the stigma around parenthood and embrace just how crazy (and beautiful, and hard) of a whirlwind it actually is. P.S.: I almost never comment on videos, but sooo appreciate the thought and effort Ashley has put into making this video whilst also taking care of a toddler, so I am happy to show a bit of support to her channel.

[@princesspinkie1661]

I never thought I would want a kid...then I was married to the best guy ever (for me) for 7 years and he was trying to find a future plan for his life with no kids. Then my 'must have baby' feature kicked in. Him and his parents were so happy. When my little princess was born I found out quickly how stressful a baby can be and how much you would never want to be without your baby for any stressful reason. I am 100 percent a stay-at-home mom, I miss the way my life was for ME back when but I want my life to stay for HER from now on. Videos I want to see: have another kid, a girl preferably, so I can see the way the opposite genders interact at birth vs 1 year. :) I want a boy when princess gets 1 year.

[@serenahasworth6802]

Okay hear me out. What if you had a different mic every time, like one week you could have one of those tiny mics, another you could have a toy mic. I just get such a kick out of the prop mic 😂

[@AshleyEmbers]

I love this hahaha. I would need to make a mic budget though 😂

[@AussieAdventures77]

Where are you getting your info from? I’d say parents are much happier overall than never have had kids at all.

[@tnicole902]

My baby is only 3 months but I'm soooo much happier being a mom. But I'm able to be a stay at home mom, and my husband works from home so I'm not alone all day.

[@princessweeniehut]

My daughter is 5 months and I'm a SAHM and my husband WFH too!! I'm so thankful that he works from home, especially if she has a blow out he is able to help usually 😆

[@tnicole902]

@@princessweeniehut My husband all of a sudden has to get back to work when there's a blow out 🙄 😆

[@princessweeniehut]

@@tnicole902 🤣😂

[@Kris18Sol]

Hi! From and living in Norway, and working in my municipality with economics regarding public and private daycare + financ etc. You have a max cost of childcare at 402,12 dollars including cost for food at max 40 dollars, that is paid 11 months of the year. In addition, low income families does not pay more than 6% of their household gross income at max for childcare. Further, households with below a gross income below about 60.000 dollars is provided 20 hours of free daycare per week, with the remaining hours of the week only being charged 50% of the 6% gross max cost. If a household has two children in daycare, the second child has a pricereduction of 30% and the third child or more 50%. Normal max hours per week for daycare is 40 hours devided on 5 weekdays. Normal working week for adults is 8 hours per day and 5 weeks paid vacation.

[@Kris18Sol]

And the normal daycare-cost is subsidized 85->% from the state. Normal cost per year per child in total is about 30.000 dollar for children 10 month - 2 years, and 17.000 dollars for 3-5 years. We start school at 6 years.

[@Kris18Sol]

And; for the first child you get 25.000 dollars reduction of taxeble income, and 15.000 for the second child, 15.000 for the third etc, if you have costs with daycare or after school care, or have a child in need of care below 18 years.

[@Kris18Sol]

Further(!); 🤣🙌🏼 sick days! In Norway you can in a normal job have 3 days in a row, max without a doctors note, three times a year, or 9 days in total within one year. But most companies, and all statejobs have 21 days! That is addition of sickdays because of sick child og sick caretaker of the child! Each parent gets 10 days per year for the first child and 5 days for the second child, 5 days for third etc. single parents gets double the amount, and is you have cronicle ill child(ren) you get additional 10 days per years, each parent. :) and most companies and statejobs have welfare leave as well; 12 days per year for your own wedding, taking your self or a child to the docter, chiropractor etc, attend funurals and more :)

[@Kris18Sol]

And! If you are sick for long, with a doctors note you get 100% paid for 1 year without loosing your job. If you are still sick after 1 year, you loose the job, but you gett AAP for additional 3 years or/and can apply for disability which will be 66% paid from the three best incomeyears over the last five years, or a seperat high minimum rate for those under the age of 26.

[@Kris18Sol]

And: maternity leave: In Norway you get 49 weeks full paid, 100% salary up til 60.000 dollars (the «cap»). 3 weeks must be taken by the birthing mother before duedate, 6 weeks after the birth is reserved for the birthing mother, and the father/co-mother gets 2 weeks paid or unpaid paternity leavy with the birth. Further, 16 weeks can be devided as you see fit, but most mothers take that, and then both birthing mother and the father/co-mother gets 15 weeks each. All eith 100% paid, in addition 5 weeks full paid vacation. Also, you get 10 weeks more if you take 80% paid. Further each parent can get 52 weeks unpaid leave without loosing their job :)

[@shinningstarlovesyou]

From what I've heard, Quebec caps child care at 5$ a day and the gov pays the rest.. lucky them!

[@AshleyEmbers]

That’s amazing 🤯

[@lisan8611]

OMG! coming from Europe where i personally feel like 5 weeks vacation time is too little, how do you people live with just 2 weeks& like how do you even consider travelling somewhere with hat little time&??

[@AshleyEmbers]

That’s what I’m saying! Hahah