Enneagram 9w8 vs. 9w1

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[@EdCepiel]

I'm a 9. When I was young I overused my 1-wing but, as I got older I started using my 8-wing more often. Now, I think I'm balanced between the two wings.

[@lisataylor8838]

I am an INFJ with a 9w1. For myself, it is more about picking and choosing my battles wisely. I don't always feel that confronting every situation is the best option. Not out of fear, but the old saying if you give a calf enough rope it will hang itself, for situations that just don't deserve space in my life. Or commonly called the INFJ door slam. INFJ 9w1 are not likely to allow anyone into their space that is going to push a healthy boundary. I don't have a problem with confronting anyone.

[@lidahdelton4718]

I really enjoyed this. I'm a 9w1. I would say that the fear of immorality holds 9w1's back from being as aggressive as 9w8's. I have no problem being assertive in getting what I want, but only if it's morally correct to me and not at the expense of other people. When you were talking about the room analogy, I was thinking that I would just look for the shortest route, cut through all the people but say "excuse me" the entire time. It's the mentality of get what you want, but be polite about it lol.

[@jennywawa88]

This feedback is awesome! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I especially love what you said about 9w1 potentially fearing immorality and how that might hold them back from being as aggressive as 9w8. Do you know what you're Myers-Briggs type is by any chance? I wonder if you don't have any Te fairly high in your function stacking.

[@lidahdelton4718]

I'm an infp, so I have inferior te. And yeah, the fear of immorality is a very strong influence for 9w1's. I often have to opt for conflict in situations that I know are morally wrong, because I won't have true internal peace otherwise. I think Fi users favor internal peace over external peace. When you talked about your husband recalling past mistakes, that's the the judge-like wing 1 influence of trying to objectively watch someone and then pass judgement on them, instead of calling them out in the moment. I do that too. It's rarely effective lol. Btw, I've watched few more of your videos and you have a great, natural speaking style.

[@jennywawa88]

+Lidah Delton I love this feedback. I think the same could be said of my husband as well. He is also 9w1.

[@wustachemax]

9w1 here. Room analogy. Most likely after a single attempt I would leave and convince myself that I don't really want that thing on the other side of the room, because it's not worth the anxiety and hassling other people.. Then beat myself up later because I didn't go for it, and possibly blame my inaction on everyone else in the room. Then again, I'm a pretty unhealthy 9w1 :/

[@kjdaniels3267]

I’m a 9w1 and what you said about the anger is so true. I hate confrontation and will hold my anger in until it reaches a breaking point.

[@loref4200]

This was incredibly helpful! I am most definitely a 9w8. I am also an INFJ. I have been in a lot of situations where I've been pushed to my breaking point and it was as you said...it was explosive. Unknown to most, it had been bubbling under the surface, simmering, as I stewed my thoughts/emotions, until the situation became intolerable. I think it is very similar to the INFJ 'doorslam'. It is never without careful deliberation, self-reflection, and thinking through every scenario/conversation/etc. It always happens when someone does something that I deem as 'enough' or unjust. Confrontation is the last thing I would ever desire, and I will take things until I can no longer stand them, sometimes excusing the behavior of others due to my ability to see all sides/viewpoints. It is when someone continues to do something I deem as unjust or inconcievable even after being talked to about it. Also, ugh...I hate that your 9w8 friend interrupted you and was rude. I used to be a lot more like that when I was younger, but I have learned to try my best to be present, to be respectful, and to value other people's voices. I hope you are able to find another 9w8 friend who is a bit more conscientious.

[@getrealbefree9246]

Love your videos -- you do a brilliant job articulating! So helpful, I'm a 9w1, 72 years young, and revisiting the Enneagram. It is helping enormously to see where I'm at in this stage of life, after retiring from "earning a living and even seeking enlightenment"....I'm laughing as I see myself indulging in all the puttering, watching fascinating videos on every subject imaginable, gardening half-ass -- basically putting off really sitting with myself to figure out what I WANT in terms of expression and/or forms -- I think I find something and hours later it evaporates! Usually it just "drops in my lap"....I'm waiting!!! Hah!!! My whole life I've always just wanted "to be peaceful" no matter who, what, how or where I am/am not, and I've NEVER had ambition for anything in this world, only to SEE and FEEL the majesty of creation and to empower others in loving themselves and others in a way that brings everyone closer to this majesty....thank you so much Jennifer!!!

[@echobean5222]

I just learned about this personality descriptor about an hour ago. At first I was a little put off by being categorized as a 9 (felt like I was being called a pushover, basically) but the test also said I was an 8 wing. The more I listen to you speak on it, 9w8 seems like a solid description of me. Not 100% but who is ever 100% right? I think the 8 is what gives me my backbone and spice to make sure my “go with the flow”ness isn’t abused. Thank you for your video :)

[@carahamelie]

I think the wing thing is so vague. I honestly think that wings can vary depending on the situation you are in. When I am with people I am super close with.... I am definitely a 9w8. When I am with new people or in a work environment I am 100% a 9w1... I also feel like I exude 9w1 to people who don't know me well. Also, if I am super passionate about something I can be 9w8... I go after what I want and I can be very determined. I also show my anger (because we are in the anger area of the enneagram) as 9w8 with people I am close with, I'm explosive and feel super bad about it after. I show my anger as a 9w1 with people I am not close with... I can be a little passive-aggresive, and just ignore people that make me mad.... but kind of in a nice, but stand-offish way. The reason I think that type of anger is more common for 9w1 is because I know a 1... and I have seen her in an unhealthy state, and she can be passive-aggressively MEAN and callous... but not in an outright explosive way. I think 9w1 people are like that... but they are WAY nicer about it, and they are more subtle about it.

[@sehr56]

Ugh. The Enneagram is SO much work! And I'm enjoying it very much.It is a language that resonates with me. Not with all people I know.Some of it has to do with whether a person is willing to do the work of deep introspection at this point in their life? I love the fluidity of the Enneagram system! The core question never changes. What motivates you? From there it is more like being on a color wheel with different colors and inside each color are different shades, hues, tints and tone.. And those colors shift, sometime radically but often foreseeable. We shift our color based on wings triads, stances, security, stress, phobic, counter-phobic, introvert, extrovert, healthy, average,, below average, etc., Although our motivation, the base of how we make decisions, that travel up the line to interface with the world nary wavers I believe, I think it was Suzanne Stabile who remarked, "You can't change how you see the world. You can change what you do with what you see." You have to do a lot of work to understand this language of the Enneagram, because people are not static. George Box said, and I paraphrase, "No tool is perfect, but all tools are useful." Thanks for a fun and informative video.

[@lisanapoli6061]

I had a coach who is a 9w8. He was a natural counselor, subdued, and very supportive, gentle, and even kneeled. And yes, he once unleashed his anger when I accidentally betrayed his trust. Very passive aggressive also, and the whole time still listened to my opinions and feelings. Very complex guy, hard to understand. Because yes, he is good at placating, nodding and seeming agreeable but underneath, not really listening at all, he was just done! 8 wing also makes him rude, but again in a passive way, like stubbornly refusing to walk over and say hello. He would at the end of the day want peace and even when peeved, he would ask for a hug, just to sense everything at peace. Again, very hard to understand, and complex. Beyond grateful for him.

[@drowningblonde]

The 9w1 description reminds me of the last cookie left on a plate scenario where no one wants to take it for fear 1. someone else might want it and 2. They dont want to look greedy. The 9w8 would say "does anyone want the last cookie? No? ok its mine!.

[@Celebok]

I'm an ISTP 9w8, and that rude cut-off after ten minutes of pretending to listen sounds like something I would do in the rare instance when I've reached my breaking point. An unfortunate weakness of an ISTP 9w8 seems to be that we haven't learned the art of politely excusing ourselves from a situation, so we usually instead just put up with things and not say anything until it's over. But there will occasionally be those times when we just can't take it anymore, and at that point it's like I no longer care if I offend or hurt the other person, because I just have to get out of there by any means necessary. (ISTP's inferior Fe) Something that probably could've been avoided if I'd been more assertive in the first place, but being passive is just easier in most cases.

[@jennywawa88]

Wow, this is GREAT feedback! I love when people tell me about what I talk about from their own perspective as that type. Thank you SOOOOOO much for telling me about yourself and sharing your perspective.

[@Celebok]

Hey, no problem! :-)

[@chariskainx5447]

How about some videos about MBTI?

[@chariskainx5447]

and their connections and combinations with enneagram?

[@Hewhoblue]

Celebok isfp with 9w1 here :]

[@debbiebjork7626]

9w8 ENFP here. This is golden. You nailed it. Thank you!

[@siunkii]

also it seems like most 9w1s are infps as well! though many infps are also 4s like my best friend. before, we used to talk only about mbti and we were a perfect match but there were some differences we didnt realise to talk about until we found about enneagram. after seeing im a 9 and shes a 4 her first words were ”OHH so thats why you never do anything even relatively negative and avoid depressing or too harsh media, i never really understood why” lol.... and now i understand why shes moodier than me!

[@Catsclawful]

I am a 9 W 1 infp and I can totally relate. My mom is a 4.There are many similarities, but she always thinks I'm emotionally checked out,and I never know what mood she's going to be in.

[@tobak952]

"picture a room packed full of people" uhm.. question. Why is any kind of 9 ever in such a room for any reason?

[@Celebok]

Because a friend invited the 9 to the event in that room, and the 9 didn't say no.

[@desiliatj1499]

Because someone invite them and they can't say no

[@desiliatj1499]

Someone invite them to a party and they can't say no hahahaha

[@slayagecentral]

i knew i was a 9, but never made the distinction between the two wings, but when you talked about the anger part, it became clear to me, i too have a dr jekyl and mr. hyde thing going on. when mr. hyde appears people are truly stunned and terrified, thank god he doesnt come by that often! thanks for the vid!

[@Catsclawful]

You are my favorite enneagrammer bar none. I really appreciate what you do and I have learned so much from your videos. I'm definitely a type 9 W 1, and so is my husband of 14 years. We're INFPs also. I do let people yammer on and on... to a point.This feels dead on. Thanks again.

[@sdmugabe]

This was so accurate and relatable. Also you're life experiences convey the message so well here unlike you're type 4 videos.

[@Mogo-jan]

The placating thing with 9w8 is so spot on for me. A friend I've known for a long time has just started to pick up the moments when I spot paying attention to what he says.

[@evbemma33]

A fourth, less discussed, response to trauma is called fawning, or people-pleasing. The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety. So for 9s people pleasing could be a strong childhood trauma response.

[@elizabethweintrob4509]

My boyfriend is a 9w1 and I have a friend who is an ISTP and I'm almost positive is a 9w8. I found this video hilarious because everything you said is so spot on for them. Thanks for the laughs. :)

[@jennywawa88]

LOL. Thanks for the feedback! Yeah my husband is 9w1 and so is my mom and so is my father-in-law. I'm literally surrounded by it 24/7.

[@elizabethweintrob4509]

You'll be a good recourse. ;)

[@jennywawa88]

LOL. Yeah.

[@marllon9786]

I work with a guy who I am almost sure is an ISxP 9w8. He is super nice and easy to work with. I generally love 8 and 8 influence.

[@jaysarchive7325]

as a 9w8 this was very informative thank you!

[@MrSergzilla]

Hi Jennifer, I hope you get this message. A great friend of mine introduced me to the enneagram 6 months ago and I've been hooked since. I'm a 1 w 2 and I love your insight and all of your videos. Thank you!

[@redstar7489]

i feel so dragged lmao

[@calmdowngurl]

This happened to me with 2 friends over the yrs. Now I understand why I did this.

[@siunkii]

ah this was fun to watch and learn. i thought i was a pure 9 but it conflicted with my 1 like explosions and well, every way of acting that goes perfectly with being a 9w1 haha... thanks!

[@ashleyching7894]

9w8 - Take charge. Forceful. Deal with it when we get there. Goes with gut. Violent anger when snaps. 9w1 - Consider others’ expectations of them. Restrained. Contemplative. Wants to accept guidance. Rarely gets angry. Wants to avoid confrontation.

[@calmdowngurl]

I'm def 9 with an 8. Thank u

[@chaoticgreat2904]

Cool stuff! My husband is a 9w8 and this was very accurate :)

[@mdavis3217]

Hi Jennifer, I have been chewing through your videos and loving them. I am a 9w8 and my wife is a 6w5 so I have been enjoying your personal stories about you and your husband. Your descriptions about him sound word for what my wife says about me many times. You seem to have put a lot of study into this subject and it shows in the detail of your information. When you have the chance to remake the unhealthy levels of a 6 I would love to hear that one.

[@benjaminfast5496]

I've been trying to figure out my type for a while and have debated between a 9 and 4. I believe my tritype is 479 (just didn't know what order.) Recently I've thought I was a 9w8, but this video really helped me realize I'm a 9w1. Your real life examples with your husband sounds like me to a T. I think what had made me question it is because so many sites online make the 9w1 sounds super reserves, shy, private, quiet, etc. I can, when I'm comfortable, give off a 7 energy, and I can also be quite dramatic like a 4. But everything that's going on internally sounds just like what your husband experiences. I've basically stood with my hand on a doorknob to leave someone's house for 30 minutes while listening to them talk, and they never pick up on the fact I'm ready to leave. Yet, I can't think of a non-rude way to tell them I need to leave. I don't want to interrupt them. It also bothers me when people take my silence or my "uh-huh" and "oh yeah" and "totally" responses as I'm actually interested. They never think, "hmmm, maybe I should change subject or let him talk for a while." It's so incredibly draining. I heard someone once say that for a 9, a yes mean maybe, and a maybe means no. Nothing we say is actually what we mean, because I we don't want to be rude, but we also don't want to fully commit. It really resonated with me. I can get loud and passionate about stuff to the point where people think I'm yelling at them, which made me think perhaps I'm a 9w8, but that's usually not directed at somebody. It could be about how a guy cut me off while driving and didn't use his signal. Or, I could just simply be talking about a hobby of mine. When I'm actually upset I try to have a conversation rather than an argument. I usually don't raise my voice out of anger though unless I'm really pushed over the edge. One thing that can set me off is when I'm trying to express how I feel and someone keeps interrupting me. I feel the anger surge through my body and my head feel hot and my face can turn ted. I always let others talk without interrupting them, so when they don't offer the same curtesy it really gets me worked up. Keep in mind, these moments are few and far between. I've also been guilty of brining up past things when arguing, almost to help justify why my anger reached the point it did to justify why I've blown up suddenly.

[@caramelunicorn8023]

I think I am a 9 and I am ENFP, but I see myself in both wings to be honest. I remember being in a seven month long relationship where I didn't say anything, then one day I had enough and told them and then left. I am generally docile and calm and very nice, but I have my moments where I can be pretty angry and even harsh or scolding. But I see myself on both sides really.

[@KJAlways]

I used to be that way about anger until I embrace anger as my best friend. I understand anger is not to be feared (9) and is not wrong (1). I am still composed for the most part and do not erupt from a quiet volcano all the sudden anymore. Now I view irritation as letting me know something is wrong and need to be resolved. Now anger is very rare again because most things are not worth getting angry over. I take responsibility for my own happiness and truth. I don't keep the peace at my expense anymore. Being a healthy 9w1 is a much happier way of life for me. No more being a door mat and not keeping the peace at all cost at my expense! I don't miss living life thar way,. Not at all!!! Riso and Hudson is right that we have deal things in ought to have peace! Yay! Recommendations for Personal Growth for Nines changed my life! It is fun being mildly blunt and funnier now. Not timid with my words now. Yeayah! 🤪😆😉 I am opinionated for fun now. I love it! It is a part of my humor. Its empowering! Nines can be strong too in our own way. 😜

[@hellothere4485]

I think I'm a 9w1 Infp, I definitely agree with you on the anger stuff

[@mazorine]

Sameee

[@KJAlways]

Your message is good. You would sound more professional and competent if you don't say "um". I have noticed you say it a lot. Believe in yourself, you could be a great teacher of the Enneagram! I believe in you. You got what it takes! You sound great when you stop saying "um" especially when you talked about your husband at first. Don't be afraid to pause with silence instead of "um". I enjoy my Communication classes, especially Speech. 😊

[@verasmith9544]

I'm a 9W1. We don't always listen because if we're not interested we just can't pay attention to long dissertations!

[@livingdiystyle]

Fantastic breakdown, very helpful... thank you!!!

[@drtslim]

After doing some thinking, I think that a key difference between 9w8 and 9w1 is that a 9w8 is more willing to attempt to change and adjust their environment (usually in a smooth, finessing manner), while a 9w1 is more likely to just attempt to adapt themselves to their environment.

[@esmeraldamiguel3921]

I’m a 9w8 I try adapting…but can’t fully adapt 😂 I know deep down change is the only thing that can help me. The walls get smaller ….

[@tillycarsons4288]

I am an INFP 9w1 and 9w8 in equal measure...

[@v.e.x.z.o.r]

I'm a ISTP, and I've been trying to figure out my enneagram type for awhile now (just figured out my MBTI type). I was almost convinced I was an 8w9. However, every time I had taken the enneagram tests online I've always had 9 as one of the top choices but never an 8, so I decided to look into it further. Since watching this I believe that I'm a 9w8 because I think I'm more laid back and less aggressive then an actual 8, but still have 8 characteristics.

[@jennywawa88]

Agreed. Also, statistically, ISTPs are almost always Enneagram 9w8. Don't why but that's the trend that's be reported.

[@distrachan2671]

Nice work.....keep being okay not knowing something....

[@karenesparks]

This was very helpful and informative. I've been struggling to figure out what my husband is. I've narrowed it down to a 6 and a 9 (originally had him as a7 😅) but had a hard time going with a 9 because he is an entrepreneur and had a very successful business and in the book I'm reading it said that 9's aren't self-starters. After this video I may be leaning towards a 9 with a strong 8 wing.

[@user-rr8sv2md1l]

karen sparks ..

[@multieyedmyr]

I seem to be a combination of 9w1 and 9w8. Tho I can over share life stuff to complete strangers and god save you if you share a topic of interest. Tho over all pretty quiet.

[@MapleSyrupColour]

Thanks for making this video. Im an Infp 9w8 so its really interesting listening to ye video :P

[@djgranville]

what is the major distinction between an 8w9 and a 9w8, because I think I lean more towards a 8w9, but I'm actually not that sure

[@wayfarera2041]

Really useful video! Quick question: can individuals have balanced wings? I believe I'm 9w8 (people always pick up on my intense energy and I like to control the environment) but I can see traits of 9w1 too. I've read somewhere that it's possible to have a mix. Any chance you can address that in a video? Thanks

[@Suzy-fi8er]

Yes, they can. It shows maturity, growth, and integration

[@jillhall9176]

Yes, 9s are the only # that can have both wings at the same time.

[@Stoffendous]

Jennifer where art thou, Jennifer!??

[@acj288]

Damn sis don’t drag me like this 😭

[@mascatu0092]

Thanks for this great video!

[@mommyslilstinker]

im a 9w8 infp & holy SHIT this is so fucking accurate

[@HeyHeyCaseyRae]

So I feel like I am definitely MORE 9w8. All of the descriptors you have given seems exactly like me..however I have been known to explode more so like the 9w1...is that possible or feasible for a 9w8?

[@Opelteanit]

Holy crap, this is an incredibly accurate description of the 9. I'm both w8 and w1 depending who I'm talking to I find. What's MBTI again? lol

[@mmmickeyyy]

I know this person thinks that she is a 6 but she really is a 1.