Father Wound 101 - Causes, Consequences, and Healing

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About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole....
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#fatherwound #cptsdrecovery #fatherdaughter

[@nairadevi2182]

The last bit about the persons these fathers missed is so profound. ❤

[@JenniferWilliams-bb7hi]

Im from Indiana. I have a father wound he was a controlling, intimidating narcissistic man and my therapist even told me he's a narcissist and that I have ptsd from it. He was emotionally unavailable and I never felt good enough. My stepsister is even the favorite clearly the golden child. Everything im saying here hardly scratches the surface.

[@terri_cole]

I see you, Jennifer 💕

[@michelleb40]

Thank you for this free training. I'm in a bad place and can't afford to pay for anything. To find something about a father wound is incredible. It is ruining my life. I'm hoping this will be the turning point. I have been following you for so many years!!! My dad is a narc. 😢 Thanks again, truly.❤

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Michelle ❤️ I hope these free trainings + my podcast episodes have been helpful.

[@OracleechoAutumn]

@@terri_coleLikewise Terri….busting my butt in sales so that I can afford therapy in the future. This in the Meantime has been healing balm for my heart. Was up all night last night studying father wound after a fight with my Dad yesterday. Deeply grateful to come across your videos over the years. Boundary Boss aided me in stepping out of a psychologically abusive relationship a couple of years ago, and you continue to outpour your wisdom and knowledge. This father wound is getting to the root of all my issues in relationships… even the one I have with myself

[@QueenBeeEnergi]

Yes. Loyal to a fault. I've been really revaluating that lately.

[@MMM2World]

Thank you, Terri Cole! I really appreciate your teachings! 🙏

[@terri_cole]

I appreciate you tuning in! 💕

[@Cinnamon349]

Haha love the Betty analogy love you for doing this free healing 101 course

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@LindsaytheLinspiration]

This is really really helpful and timely. Thank you!

[@terri_cole]

So happy to hear that, Lindsay! 💕

[@oljastevanovic]

I had a most loving father ever. He was a great grandad to my kids .In time of my divorce he said to me: I love you no matter what. You are my daughter. My daughters felt his love to. ( My mother said to me back then: Your divorce is my SHAME AND MY FAILIER TOO !! ) But even so , I feel like I have the same PATERNS as numbered here. My love CV is full of abandonment, treason, cheating , lies , feeling not enough, not deserving etc .. Mystery is not solved , for me :) and I am single in order to avoid all of that , THANK YOU FOR THIS TALKS , it is helpful

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 I have videos on the mother wound here in case you'd like to explore that: kzbin.info/aero/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk

[@stacybrodsky3026]

He cheered on my mother with her best friend & then married her

[@jan854]

This was so helpful, but I'm still findind it hard to accept some "bad" decisions I've made in life. I feel like I need to take on all the blame because I made those choices. Currently healing a father wound since he died too early and my mom emotionally died along with him so she was very absent in my life.

[@kre8504]

Same here!! However, I know it’s not my fault: he was a narcissist & I told my dad that he was going to die & he did, a year later. My mom (also a narcissist) couldn’t live without my dad, so she took to alcohol & became an alcoholic. I often times had to pick up the pieces. ------------ Thx2 Teri & this video & the free courses: I plan to take, because I can’t afford to get help for my trauma!!

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion, Jan 💕 We only know what we knew at the time. We make the best decisions we can with the info we have available. Have you seen this video I did on how to stop obsessing over past mistakes? kzbin.info/www/bejne/aH3UYoaraNJ4ftk I recommend doing the exercises in that guide, too. I also have this video on rumination: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pKG3mGOOls2HfNE

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad my free content is helping you, @kre8504 💕

[@beverlyhogan3682]

You are so excited...how cool is that to share? VERY!

[@GemmaLyon-c5d]

Totally relate to abruptness causing father wound .... mum&dad divorced when I was 9 .... fortnightly visits with my dad which just ended with him not picking us up one weekend and never seeing him again. My mum would never ever speak about it and still won't so it's like he died but it's just he didn't ... he just didn't show up 😢

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love ❤️❤️

[@beverleybenjamin3648]

I look for reasons why a relationship won't work and not allow it to develop any further. I also haven't made myself available for the past 20 years because "I'm so messed up I can't impose my problems on someone else".

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion 💕

[@phabulouss1]

This was so enlightening made so much sense. My take away …. was “not my fault.” I will continue to tell myself: “it wasn’t my fault.” Never was my fault. 🫶🏼 🥰 Not my fault my father refused to emotionally connect with me. Would talk over me, over and over and over.

[@terri_cole]

Such a powerful takeaway, thank you for sharing ❤️❤️

[@Emily-hs3bl]

My Dad was strict later in his life I read to him. We got along. I loved reading to him and he loved me reading to him.

[@terri_cole]

So sweet ❤️

[@stacybrodsky3026]

I saw all this berate 9 I began my separation from him, from that moment. Healed my internal child my whole life. I’m over it. My mother was a narcissist.

[@casuarinagirl8067]

Thank you SO much. Going to watch your mother playlist too 😖 My life has been the poster for all levels of chaos. “It’s not your fault” I say this to others all the time but today when you said this….I felt it for myself for the first time 💡 I’m 56 and a warrior but hyper vs healthy stopped me! I laughed so hard and then cried. Thank you so much for this, love your work and I’m so grateful. Much love, Karen - Australia 🥰😘

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad you felt that for yourself, Karen ❤️❤️ I hope my mother wound videos are helpful for you!

[@stacybrodsky3026]

Hello From Santa Fe

[@donnasemeniuk2258]

Thank you for sharing this Terri. It's very useful and relevant

[@terri_cole]

So glad it was useful 💕

[@pipers-lildogadventures5360]

He was a monster.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so sorry to hear that ❤️

[@frisbeeshawn5356]

My dads a nice guy etc but he chose alcohol instead of me. I am glad he raised my half brother and sisters as him and my mom were just a fling. Ive always wanted to be closer to him but it is what it is. Acceptance that he is who is is and so am i. Its always going to be just a surface level deal .. 😭😢

[@TammyAnderson-fk4qo]

You are not alone.. surface level right here too🤷🤦

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@DonnaBartlett-sv2of]

Deep gratitude to you, Terri. Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏

[@terri_cole]

Thank you, Donna! 💕

[@onazna7123]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge, wisdom and empathic touch

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for watching 💕

[@geanelledaniel2023]

It's so hard to unpack this especially when you grew up with a positive outlook of your dad... and then suddenly he abandoned you/your family. I'm suffering in my relationship now with my husband never doing enough to make me feel he's committed. I'm destroying my marriage😢

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear that, and I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️❤️

[@LindsaysAstrology]

Thank you for this 🙏💕

[@terri_cole]

You're so welcome 💕

[@stacybrodsky3026]

I saw all this berate 9 I began my separation from him, from that moment. Healed my internal child my whole life. I’m over it. My mother was a narcissist. I was married to a divorce attorney who defended against abused only to come home to abuse me her spouses

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@kimberly3192]

Hi from Indiana

[@conniecooper7434]

I feel the Father Wound in girls and Boys is actually a 'God Wound'. A child sees their Father's as their 'God'. What do these wounded Father's portray? A loving God or the Punishing, distant imposter God most religions portray? No wonder we get messed up!

[@lisacoleman9398]

Very helpful, thank u Pensacola fl

[@terri_cole]

So glad it was helpful! 💕

[@beverleybenjamin3648]

I'm also thinking that my mother's father wound also impacted her life which is why she was probably having problems with my own father and later with my step dad. Her lies led to my step dad only telling me that he isn't my father at 15. He later told me brother that I rejected him. Not true because I felt rejected.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing 💕

[@palmtresssadiefbz5788]

I feel like no matter what I try to do to feel whole within myself it doesn’t work. I have so much trauma, it’s unbearable and I want to give up. I’m tired of healing I don’t want to deal with it anymore.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. If you are in crisis, please reach out to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time. Here is a link with phone numbers and websites you can reach out to: terricole.com/gethelp. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. I hope you find the resources helpful as I am unable to offer any personalized assistance. I am sending you so much strength and love ❤️❤️

[@cherrildavidse2868]

I have been unable to actually "face" this one until now! I know that my father wound is one of those truly "original" wounds. My father accidentally got my mother pregnant and because of the time they "shotgun" married. Needless to say, it was a disaster and I've never actually found out exactly what went on (I'm in my 60s now and still haven't gotten the whole story) but when what has been said around me, I think my mother found someone else, my grandmother (maternal) didn't want my mother to fight for me so my father got custody. From that time on, my father made it clear that he hated my mother (at least to me - I had half-siblings that did not get the same corporal punishments that I did) and it just got worse as I got older because I LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HER. So his solution was that no matter how small the infraction, he would try to beat her out me. Sadly, I remember my stepmother stepping in to stop him and tell ing him that he was going to kill me. Needless to say, most of my relationships are disasters and it's taken focus and hard work to remind myself every day that I am not the devil incarnate.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so, so much compassion and sending loads of love your way ❤️❤️

[@cherrildavidse2868]

@@terri_cole Thank you

[@elizabethz9001]

💛💛

[@blessedupshea5593]

Would advise for someone that has not met their real dad to seek out for him like dna test or ya know?

[@terri_cole]

I think that's a decision that only that individual can make.

[@thandozuma8740]

Somehow I don't feel like I am affected by it, even though i went through physically abuse(and will be choked till my mind go blank) by both step dad and my father. But I somehow don't feel it. it more on mom than dad for me. Maybe I am not aware of it.

[@terri_cole]

Well that's what this whole series + my most recent podcasts have been about- raising our awareness around the father wound! If you haven't seen those videos, the first one is here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g5S4kqKpirqogrs And I have mother wound videos here: kzbin.info/aero/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk

[@stacybrodsky3026]

Made time

[@jamaica2010ism]

Does anyone else feel ok with no longer taking the initiative or no longer wanting a relationship with their father? I never really understood why some people would encourage adult children who are in the process of healing to seek a nuturing relationship with their emotionally unavailable parents. My experience has told me that its best not to seek connection from them.

[@terri_cole]

I think it depends on what you're okay with, what you want, and your relationship with your father figure. I don't recommend it in all situations, especially if your father was abusive, for example. You (and your therapist) know your situation best ❤️

[@stacybrodsky3026]

I’m a Dr.

[@annettglass7290]

Yes, for the most part he wasn't that available. He was an alcoholic and a workaholic.

[@terri_cole]

I feel that 💕

[@stacybrodsky3026]

He never grew up

[@stacybrodsky3026]

Selfish & desperate, stuck in a left hand turn