Get Too Obsessed, Too Soon? WATCH THIS

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Do you get obsessed too quickly in the early days of dating? This is often dangerous because it places WAY too much of our happiness in trying to attract and keep someone (even when we don’t really know them yet).
Thankfully, this kind of “anxious dating” is something you can actually solve. In today’s video, I dive into where this obsession comes from, and give you 5 things you can do to stop falling for someone too quickly and self-sabotaging in early dating.
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Blog → www.matthewhussey.com/blog/
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:35 - Getting Obsessed in Early Dating
1:35 - 3:31 - #1 Identify the Feeling
3:31 - 7:01 - #2 The Anxiety That Lies in Wait
7:01 - 12:23 - #3 The Unmet Need Behind Our Anxiety
12:23 - 15:04 - #4 Create a Safe Home Within Yourself
15:04 - 17:23 - Giving Ourselves the Reassurance We Seek
17:23 - 21:29 - #5 Connect With Your Inner Child
21:29 - 22:32 - Join Me on the Beach in Florida

[@eleanorskylerchan3262]

This video saved me... I was about to fall into my old pattern over a guy I've met only for two weeks. I was getting sad when he doesn't text me back. But I know this "connection" does not warrant this kind of reaction. So I know it is my trauma response, from a fear of being abandoned again. Thank you Matthew for teaching me how to tap into my own inner child's voice. You have no idea how this would change the way that I think from now on!

[@iremm6139]

SAMEEE

[@christinekohler8866]

Omg! My same reality. You put it perfectly. Thank you for your response. Same exact for me. The abandonment issue. Totally!

[@eleanorskylerchan3262]

@@christinekohler8866 you're not alone! We're strong, and we're healing slowly but surely❤️

[@thematthewhussey]

This makes me so happy! Thank you for telling me. Keep going! ❤

[@mayrelizcrespo7204]

Literally feel the same way! This video just made not go off the deep end 🙏🏼

[@krishna335]

Reasons - U feel lonely & don't have many people to talk to, spend time with. Therefore, this person becomes the centre of your world cz he/she is the only one giving you a little bit of attention - Ure in touch with them all the time, hence habituated - U don't invest enough time & energy in your own goals & hobbies - U seek validation from others instead of being confident about what u bring to the table - They're (most probably) not reciprocating, so you end up chasing (and hurting) more. You're stuck in this loop & not determined enough to go no-contact - U fear letting go & embracing solitude, so you'd much rather hang on to pain that feels familiar (pls don't do this)

[@user-vv1xg3sp5s]

I can totally relate to this!

[@iuk4280]

This is so me! 😢 I have started working on myself.

[@tatianag.1149]

TOTALLY!

[@FreshFlower1010]

Aabhar 🙏

[@babandeeprathore]

this is spot on

[@dayanavaronaborroto9136]

For me The worst thing is when you find a mentally healthy person but your anxiety makes you self-sabotage.😢

[@thematthewhussey]

You can work on this, inch by inch. Don’t give up hope. With the right tools, and the right person being compassionate and understanding to the healing you are doing, you can improve on the behaviors that have hurt you and self sabotaged in the past. Keep giving yourself compassion. And know that it can get better. We are all rooting for you!

[@dayanavaronaborroto9136]

Thanks u so much I am trying 🙏🙏🙏 is a hard journey

[@ryeofoatmeal]

anxiety is really the thief of joy and confidence :( I feel you buddy

[@lg9050]

​@@thematthewhussey this is such a beautiful response. I have noticed a dramatic shift in your content over the years, your content feels more loving, compassionate and coming from a spiritually grounded space. I would love to see a video on your own journey.

[@a2n4g6e8l0]

​@@lg9050 yesss to this

[@DougHardy541]

The right person will understand your anxiety and help you through it, not abuse it.

[@tatianag.1149]

Exactly!

[@hoanghahp1986]

Nope! Until he falls for you and commits to your relationship, he won’t do anything. You have to carry yourself until then. If successful, you’d think: then why I need him to take care of my anxiety? I should be able to take care of myself.

[@thematthewhussey]

I agree with this, so long as we do our part to show them we are committed to our progress, and not just using them as a crutch. ❤

[@annabellacrewe8858]

Yess !!!❤

[@annabellacrewe8858]

​@@hoanghahp1986 well, he could be a person, Who understands you both psychologically, emotionally and spiritually ! ...❤

[@violetmartha916]

I have a history of putting the key to my happiness in someone else's pocket. I have just met someone after keeping myself single for the last 12 years because I was heartbroken. I wasn't heartbroken for 12 years, I hasten to add, but I kept myself "safe" for all those years. I'm in danger of repeating this old pattern, so I really needed this particular video today. Thank you Matthew.

[@thematthewhussey]

You’re so welcome ❤

[@elizabethcolantoni689]

I stayed single for 11 years for the same reason. Just met someone and have the anxiety issue.

[@violetmartha916]

@@elizabethcolantoni689 oh I completely understand. This video has helped me to try and keep things in perspective...if I find the anxiety creeping in again , I will watch it again. I don't know how old you are... I'm 58 and I say to myself...."well...this new guy you've met, you've managed life without him for 58 years....so calm tf down." That's literally what I say and I try to keep some humour about it all. Wishing you all the best. Xx

[@mbece_...]

Indeed Obsession is a bottomless ditch towards failure.😢

[@lucasbittar]

Matthew, my man! What a video! Couldn’t have come in a better time. I’ve been going to this gym and a few weeks ago I noticed a girl that I was attracted to. Every so often we see each other there and say a quick hello. Yesterday was a big day for me, I was determined to get her number. I got there, saw her, we talked for a while and she was very friendly and seemed interested. I asked for her number and she said yes. Quick note, I had never in my life had done anything like that before so that alone was a big win for me! A few hours later when I got home and sent her a text and she hasn’t responded yet. First thing that comes to my mind is exactly what you covered in this video. “Oh, I must have said something wrong”, “I don’t think she likes me” and all of those thoughts. Watching this video made me realize how obsessed I am with this person that I don’t even really know yet! I feel like a did my part and I’m gonna move on and do other things like you said in the video. Thank you so much for that! PS.: I gifted your book to my sister and she’s absolutely loving it. I can’t wait to read it as well! Cheers from Brazil!

[@thematthewhussey]

Congrats on the realization Lucas! That’s really great. And thank you for watching! Hope your sister enjoys the book! 🙏❤️

[@lucasbittar]

@@thematthewhussey thank YOU, man! I never thought you’d see or even reply to my comment in this sea of great comments! Really appreciate it. The story continues though. She did text me back but in a very friendly and distant way. Back at the gym she was talking about the new job she was starting today so I texted her saying good luck and stuff. She replied saying thanks and to tie everything in a pretty bow she ends the text with a hug. Which here in Brasil we say that between two guy friends. I guess the message is pretty clear. It’s funny how in person she seemed really interested and engaged in the conversation. Not really sure what to do now. I guess I’ll move on. I don’t think sending another text asking her out would be the right move here. Just wanted to share how the story ended. Thanks again for everything! Cheers!

[@pavlovaalex]

@@lucasbittar good for you handling your emotions with mental clarity, strategy and self reflection! Congrats on overcoming your feer of rejection and asking her for her number - that’s healthy confidence and a Normal way to engage with people around us - to simply talk and ask if we want something. She was likely feeling the same- nervous, happy to get attention from a nice confident guy like you! So if she’s not totally incompetent, she replied in a chatty way (which you anxiously explained as “she’s into me too” while she as polite and sharing her job details just to socialize. There is nothing wrong in this exchange. Asking a girl for a number doesn’t mean she has to go crazy over you instantly. It seems to me like this could be the best way to get to know her first! Don’t rush! Don’t ask her out or move on!! I would advise you take her reply of “friends hug” as a positive response of “I feel safe to start a friendship/to know you more.” She’s emotionally healthy and not jumping into a “date” just because you asked her a number. Talk to her in the gym next time and get to know her as a friend first! Good luck 🤞

[@lucasbittar]

@@pavlovaalex thank you so much for the reply and advice! That’s a really good point you brought up. I feel I was indeed rushing into thinking if we’re talking then she must be interested so let’s set up a date as soon as possible. Maybe taking things slow is the best way to go. Unfortunately she’s just started a new job this week as a personal trainer in another gym but she told me she’d still go to the same gym as well another time of the day. Let’s see how this goes. Thanks again!

[@BQ900]

Speaking from the woman’s view: I would be..hmm wonder if he says that to all the girls..hmm. Should I see him? What do my friends think?

[@browneyes9930]

I used to be this way. I think it’s because I didn’t feel whole and I was looking for someone to fill in the emptiness I felt. I decided to find myself and discover who I truly am. I have a new respect for myself now and if I never find someone I will be okay. Do I want a partner to share life with? Yes. Will I be fine if I don’t find someone? Yes.

[@Tionaintown876]

How did you go about finding yourself?

[@samarraouf3534]

I am the same way. It took a lot of work to reach this level of contentment. I'm 43 and I finally figured this out.

[@priyankav9792]

Mee too same...I will be fine if I don't get someone to share my life with...coz I came to know now I'm whole nd fulfilled nd need to continue the same..only I can complete myself as whole nd lifepartner is just an addition to it.

[@thematthewhussey]

Love it

[@ttsvetelinatsolova5194]

What did you do? How did you find yourself? I am 48!!​@@samarraouf3534

[@shashanksinghal8395]

The worst part is when you may have found the awesome person but your anxiety pushed them away. They try to be good with you, but damn this anxiety keep getting bigger as they start tolerating you little bit more and finally they give up and start ghosting. It becomes worse than worse. 🙁

[@clara_1212]

I always have one person in my circle that I am obsessed with, thinking they are the person that can make me feel safe. I didn‘t experience safety in my childhood, it was an environment of arguments and pressure to perform. Anything the person says or does controls how I am feeling, if I have a bad day, and they say something nice, everything is great again. I also have a pattern of doing everything for them. This has been going on for years with various unavailable people so much so that I now am really hesitant to meet new people because I am afraid I will lose myself instantly once I start liking them.

[@Neso-be2lj]

I have a Girl in my social circle that likes Me very much...and I Like Her of course,but She's kinda play it cool while at the same time I can see how much I mean to Her and We have amazing connection and chemistry.Girls can be difficult.

[@ireefree2024]

Have been there. Don't avoid people but do baby steps. Also it should be balanced. If you made a step let the other person make a step. Like the video of Matthew with the castle. Or the video "attention doesn't mean intention". These videos help me. Today I'm happy married but I know how it feels because I have been there too. And guys who have been avoiding have been like a drug. But when it's the real deal it's easy and no confusion...

[@ireefree2024]

​@@Neso-be2ljThen make a first step and ask her out alone. If she refuses then move on. If she doesn't know what she wants, she unfortunately not the one... Hopefully it works for you

[@pavlovaalex]

Your story sounds difficult and painful, but the fact that you’re Aware of it, can vocalize and Reflect on it is Amazing!! I would recommend to do some real therapy with a good psychologist to help you overcome and heal your past trauma. There is Nothing wrong with you, you got hurt in the past, but that doesn’t mean you need to hide or mistrust or avoid future relationships. Contrary - a good healthy person will help/show you the medicine of your own strength and love and care. Find friends or therpy/self education and you’ll heal 💜

[@masterphillips]

If you have found this video because you did or said something stupid and scared someone away, you're going in the right direction. You were in a state where your subconscious was at the controls. I am four weeks separated from realizing what was happening to me (could have used this video then!), and my anxiety has healed tremendously now that I am aware when my body goes into that state. Knowing the problem is most of the solution to solving it in this case. There's hope!

[@omarieharrison31]

I needed this , five years ago, it could have saved my life but it’s never too late to redirect

[@huangyanjean2570]

I was there before, while I have toxic relationships with a narcissist, I’m glad I have been through so I know how to be smart next time

[@vnkmy]

The most difficult part is to balance out your anxious needs and actual healthy communication. Even when you recognized your anxious attachments and needs we often fall into their trap by either pushing them away or rather trying to not make them their problem and what needs actually need to be communicated. But, there’s hope. These anxiousnesses and needs and how to deal with them need to be trained. Recognizing them is merely the first step, how to deal with them, taking time to calm down and learning how they’re irrational in a healthy relationship takes time.

[@thematthewhussey]

Well said!

[@soniashelzi2237]

This is where YOU gotta be happy enough! Because then you won't get into them too fast. ❤great book. 😊great talk. So important.

[@thematthewhussey]

Nice!! Love to see the book learnings coming through in these comments!

[@basshunter9018]

so true!! the anxiety reappears and transfers onto someone else 💯💥

[@JanaOliveira19]

Part of limerence...state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. I usually know that it's a hard crush that if, eventually, not reciprocated will be snapped out by icks. If reciprocated will be fed by breadcrumbs...

[@sunflowerpower642]

This all is becoming a bit of a wack job and lacking the mystery of faith in love and life’s outcomes. I’m not saying be wreckless and irresponsible but. How many of our parents and grandparents are married 50 + years bc of limerence and early obsession and just committing to and on building a life together aware of how they themselves may or may not change over time. Having all these predetermined self directed isms leaves no room for expanding life but by searching for someone who is okay with how unshakable you’ve already built your castle and can’t make a new one with you. If I’m so set in my ways I can only find someone who either is exactly like that or we still decide together to let some shit go and decide together.

[@JanaOliveira19]

@@sunflowerpower642 I agree... just saying this new age with "more options" and so many people lacking of intimacy sometimes is difficult to realize if its love for the other person or in love with the idea of someone. And after that fase ends we cant figure out how we got interested in first place as there was less in common that the divergences. Though is true in previous generations people will long wait and be more romantic in that wait...once again we cant separate that before women would married for financial security and men would married to have someone to take care of the house hold while they were working. A lot of people settle and regret. A lot of old folks stayed married cause they couldn't get divorce. Not everyone find they soul mate... not everyone realizes that they create an image of the other that are not the reality and their object of love will never turn to be what they want and/or need.

[@al5068]

@@JanaOliveira19I agree it is worth studying and looking into! It is in itself a fascinating study topic.

[@Hesteforstanddk]

You make it sound so easy. When I am obsessed with someone i cannot do what I like because I like nothing. Like everything that I use to love doing has lost its colours. I cannot just create a good life on my own because I already have one. I know very well what this is and I can even feel whether it is love or not. Yet still cannot take myself out of this sensation. Doing everything possible for a man who doesn't care. I have been to therapy for many years however it was not really helpful. I am getting better and now that I skipped therapy and looked for alternatives. Which i found in knowing release-techniques. At this old age of 54 i had quite a big breakthrough last week. I had met my first clear narc. Which a friend directed me to see. He was very manipulating right from the start and at times very nasty. Cold in his heart yet also very physically very attractive to me. BUT I ENDED IT BEFORE IT REALLY BEGAN. Even though he pushed all my buttons. But I SAW IT. And I ended it. But I was also in limerence for too many hours and days. I have had good partners where the sensation vanished completely after a while. So for me this empty, nagging sensation CAN go away.

[@sunflowerpower642]

@@JanaOliveira19 that’s the reality of the risk. That risk never changes , maybe decreases.

[@Top10TravelAdvisor]

This video couldn’t have come at a better time. I have experienced exactly this over the past two weeks. Met a woman where it felt as though we hit it off from the start, but she has a lot going on and she told me this. We went on a date and it was great and these anxious rumination thoughts started going through my head. Communication dropped off completely from her side after the date. I’ve beaten myself up about it of what I’ve done wrong, whereas taking a step back it’s a timing thing. I bought my best self to the date and the right one will come along. The Peter Pan analogy in the last chapter of your book is a very powerful one relating to this.

[@Kevti1127]

This video is pure gold. Especially love the part where Matthew says that we mislabel the feelings we have, as ai believe this is the main reason for our pain. And we do that in other situations as well. You know introverts say that being around people exhaust them, however I believe the exhaustion comes from the fact that their head is filled with fear and anxiety in regards to “what others think about me, did I say something stupid” which is a stressful and exhausting situation to be constantly in. It’s caused by the thoughts in our head solely, but we mislabel it as “I just don’t like being around people, people exhaust me”. So, no, we are not in love with the person we went on two dates with. We saw one or two good qualities (and let’s be honest, our bar is pretty low) and we made up the rest of their personality in our head. Not only that, but we also made up stories about having our needs met with them (same way as we make up stories in other social settings) imagining a life with them where all our needs of validation, security, consistency, love, etc will be met. And that’s exciting which we again mislabel as excitement towards the other person. In reality we are like little kids who daydream all day about living in fantasy land where all the needs are finally met. That’s why it hurts so much when this person leaves, we loose all our hopes of dreams and the life we would have had with them, and once again we are abandoned and reminded of how unworthy and unlovable we are. That hurt we also mislabel as hurt of missing the other person but it has nothing to do with them. That’s why it’s easy to fall for the love bombers, after all we’ve been wanting to hear those words for years, they are a promise we will get everything we yearn for. They give us the hope that finally we will be loved and accepted for who we are. But let’s be honest, is it reasonable for someone to be so infatuated with us on the third date? We like to think we are special but every guy who is actually looking for a partner takes things slow. And I also believe we are love bombers on our end as well, as how reasonable for us is to be ready to get into a relationship after two-three dates? Or be ready to say all the right things even though we feel like we mean them in the moment? We as anxiously attached are also ready to make promises we can’t keep just to get that sense of validation, exactly as the love bomber, who is looking also to get validation, just in another way. I think that’s why love bombers and anxiously attached people attract each other - it’s two sides of the same coin. Both are looking to meet their need of validation - one by wanting to get into a relationship just to feel chosen, and the other lovebombing again to meet their need of validation and feel chosen. That’s why the love bomber pursues you actively while you’re still not sure about him and leaves the moment you show you are hooked - his need of validation has been meet and he wants nothing more from you as he is too afraid to get into a relationship as that in the past caused him more pain. The same way the anxiously attached people pursues people when they are avoidant and looses interest if someone is consistent and reassuring - again their need of validation has been met, and getting into a relationship with someone secure is actually scary. This pattern is actually not easy to break but something you can do is keep a diary about your feelings, especially for the moments of high intensity. I guarantee reading them few moments later will make you say “I must have been out of mind to write all that”, as then you will have a different perspective. Also don’t expect that just knowing what you know now will help you break the pattern. It’s likely you’ll find yourself in at least 2-3 situations like this, but with each one you will gain more and more clarity until you are finally ready to break from it.

[@kabrakabra]

This does happen with me. For me I keep watching tarot love readings on youtube ( which are on nonstop supply) to 'know' what they might be thinking, their next move, their feelings...etc. this wastes my time and I spend days in this manner, neglecting every thing else which.might be imp or immediate. This video spoke to me. Thank you .

[@Crisitina001]

Oh my, same 😂

[@maxinebennett1285]

Omg I needed to hear that, that's me... thankyou so much...I'm saving it so I can listen to it each time I feel that way.. I've been hurt in the past and I always feel alone and then someone comes along and I feel all of that 😅. Thankyou again x

[@The_LA_Unicorn]

Yes I do this! Then when the person I incorrectly attached to doesn't show interest, I try harder... The key is knowing that I and everyone else to give yourself the kindness you deserve. And that is hard sometimes when you are single and feeling a little lonely.

[@soniamiguel1134]

Matthew, I have been watching your videos for 8 years now. When I found you I felt less lonely, I felt like there was hope for me. I am in a good place at the moment, I am still healing my inner wounds, but now I am aware that everyone deserves to be loved, and that love starts within oneself. The first step I took was litsening my inner voices and change them whenever they were mean to me. Now I treat myself with love, patience and respect. Me and everyone that watches you love the person you are and what you do for the world. Thank you for your hard work and kind heart.

[@rawshn]

You released the video a few hours ago. This is what I have been feeling for quite some time, and I couldn't detach myself from the anxiety. I have a lot of internal anxiety within be regarding literally everything. Journalling helps me to handle certain situations when it becomes too much to handle, but I keep falling back into this feeling about literally everything. I want to fix this. Matthew Hussey, thank you, I've been following your videos for some time now, but this one really spoke to me.

[@thematthewhussey]

🙌❤️🙏

[@k68627]

I have been on a journey about this for a bit now, and all you talked about was spot on. Made a lot of sense, but what really hit me the most that I hadn’t thought about before, was your party analogy. Being willing to take just about anyone to provide a sense of comfort, and when we find ourselves so desperate to have that void fulfilled, that we lower any and every standard, and take anything or anyone. That’s a disaster. Because obviously it doesn’t come from a healthy place, and as you said that is exactly when toxic people (love bombers, narcissists etc) are welcomed with wide open arms into our lives.

[@SerenityCalderon]

Personally when I feel as though someone is special & we have a good connection I tend to start basing my whole life around them for us to spend all my time together. This video helped me see I have a need to please people and avoid loneliness at all costs. This doesn’t happen with everyone I date but I tend to choose people who are the most unsafe which I’ve noticed as well through this video. I understand the importance of self love and I’ve been on an ongoing journey to self discovery, self acceptance, & ultimately self love. I love your videos, you’re such a warm soul. Your compassion truly oozes from the screen!! Thank you for all your helpful words and advice.

[@ramonaagachi]

When he doesn't text you back is a huge red flag to run away. The anxiety is the response to something sketchy that we can't identify yet.

[@hunniexbunnie]

This is very true!

[@winnieabodo]

I actually started to realize (for me at least) that it's only a red flag when things are actually realistically, proven to be sketchy. But I can't know why someone wouldn't text back until they text back. The anxiety telling me to run away is actually the self sabotage part because I can't handle the "not knowing" so I give myself proof that it's sketchy even before I hear back from the person. I used to think that if I'm anxious then the person is a red flag, but I'm feeling anxious even with my closest healthiest friends sometimes. It's not always a direct correlation :)

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I feel this way to some extent about every one I interact with... I go to a Dr or dentist I like and the first thing I do is hope they don't die.... The video explains a lot about my anxiety

[@Meredith31]

Oh my gosh, this really hit home for me. I totally thought I was a secure person until I got into a relationship with an avoidant who love bombed me then withdrew and kept me at arms length which made me feel unsafe and anxious about things. Matthew thank you for this video and the tips to help with this. Never again do I want to become so obsessed and invest so much just out or fear of losing them then they become my whole world and then they just discard me like I didn’t even matter.

[@MelodieRose727]

Yes all of this! Wow. I just learned so much about why I’m in this pattern. I can feel that it isn’t the right place to be, but because I couldn’t articulate it, I didn’t know how to move away from it. Now I understand how to move away from it, and I’ll be doing that today. Thank you so much.

[@serenenana8821]

Same here, everything you said! Good luck to you

[@thematthewhussey]

Amazing Melodie!

[@CocinandoconMartha121]

Thank you Matthew. You are truly a connection to my heart in terms of realizing I am not crazy or that I am damaged goods/bad at dating.

[@farid4483]

Matthew, from the bottom of my heart thank you so much for what you do. Whenever you upload something, I look for a safe space to sit down with my headphones and imagine that you’re talking to me directly. I guess that I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, although I’m not sure, but you don’t know how very much you have helped me throughout all these years. Blessings to you.

[@thematthewhussey]

Thank you so much for telling me!

[@lilyvega7450]

This was quite validating, thank you. I can easily obsessively ruminate which causes me to attract narcissists and love bombers. I am aware and I work on it, and I’m happy to say I’ve gotten so much better at not letting this happen🙏

[@lmccabe7430]

Thank you so much for this video! I cover up my lifelong anxiety pretty well to OTHERS - I have learned to overcompensate by being ‘over-involved’ with other people & being the valuable ‘gett’er done’ gal. But the underlying anxiety has always been there - and I never REALLY noticed it until recently.

[@isabelitaruizVO]

OK, Matthew and team, this couldn’t have been timed better. I will try to share more in the community, but this happened to me over the weekend. I just “pulled the plug” on a potential hookup. So, I didn’t really lose anything major and my “anxiety” made me realise that I actually want connection.

[@Magamomma22245]

Hook ups are DEAD end and very damaging. Plz stop. Know your worth, raise your price 🙏

[@isabelitaruizVO]

@@Magamomma22245 Thank you. I was conscious enough going into this "relationship" but I got to discover that I do value way more a connection and myself.

[@anacorona2527]

Matthew, this video was a blessing! I loved that part about offering ourselves what we need based on the fact that no one but us know our own journey. It’s unfair to anyone new we just met to expect them to heal years of emotional pain.

[@matthewwakeling4978]

This video struck home in a way that none of your previous videos have. I know you're talking about anxious attachment style, but it's a *way* clearer description than I have heard before, especially the bit where you say "This person isn't the most important person in the world - we're just afraid". Fantastic video, thanks.

[@christinekohler8866]

Yes, adopted with abandonment issues. This has carried with me my whole life. I’m 54 now and still happening even 3 weeks ago with a romantic connection when he disappeared. My close friends, if they don’t call or text me back even in- laws and family. I always labeled it “ rejection” like I hate and cannot take rejection. But even doctors have tuned into my deep rooted anxiety. Thank you Matt. I am now going to self research how to attempt to heal this within myself. Altleast I have the root cause now. My eyes have been opened. So I can bring this to the forefront of my mind and think on more realistic terms. Oh, I also just thought it was OCD not the compulsion of action, but the obsessive thoughts. Such good information here I really needed to hear. 😊

[@Irualdemon]

Ok, wow. I think this is my biggest problem overall in life, I tend to ruin everything else by disappointing myself with these stories I make up in my mind and I know that. And today I was feeling really down and thought to myself that it would be a good idea to listen to Matthew talk some sense into me and I arrive at your channel. This video was just uploaded under an hour ago. Damn, what a timing.

[@Irualdemon]

Watching this really helped my mood and made me tear up. Thanks.

[@Tionaintown876]

@@IrualdemonMathew is an incredible gift we are all blessed with 🩷

[@thematthewhussey]

So happy it came at an important moment for you ❤

[@NomondeMzileni]

This is sooo me, like right now there is this guy that I'm obsessed with, and I can't stop thinking about him. I'm always waiting for his text and when he doesn't text back, my day gets ruined in an instant. I really want to get rid of this anxious attachment cause I'm always worried and relying on his attention to be happy is not healthy at all. Watching this video has helped me to see that it is just anxiety and that I should love me more, but I still want to get rid of this anxious attachment.

[@craigmckay7483]

I have a major fear of ending up alone in life. Recently just got broken up with and it’s completely my fault because I got too anxious and became too much and that’s not me. And I know it’s not me but for some reason I can’t help the self sabotaging I do when I am overwhelmed with those feelings. I just recently discovered you and everything you talk about has helped so much in discovering what I’m dealing with and I just appreciate it more than you know. I just hope I can apply all these tips so I don’t keep ruining relationships.

[@Mari-rx4]

thank you so much for this video -- but what are we supposed to do if we are in FACT very lonely and starved for relationships and connection? If we don't have many people to spend time with, what are we supposed to do? Not long for connection? The world we live in today doesn't help us solve this fundamental crisis: PEOPLE ARE LONELY.

[@cherpfeifer8311]

I have been such an anxious person. I woke up to this video after this week my connection with my boyfriend physically has been not good and we are only in the 2 month. I already saw another women’s name on his phone and I told him I am not entertaining anyone but him. He said he is not taking to anyone. I feel anxious that he is still but I put my mindset in the mode of it’s new and I am the one taking it slow. It’s more about me than him. Love your KZbin’s

[@sarahlouise8904]

New watcher, going through therapy working on understanding my anxious/avoidant attachments. Whilst working on putting the parts of me back together! Just wanted to comment and say i absolutely love the truth you speak. In such a calming way. I know mine comes from childhood trauma. I hope in a few months I'll come back and watch this feeling a little more confident in the work im doing. To everyone out there struggling with attachments and relationships, you are worth being loved, you are worth having a good relationship but most of all you are worth loving yourself. Dont ever be afraid to seek help ❤its not a weakness its strength, were worth healing. Thank you dude great videos. 😊😊

[@katm599]

This was excellent!! These past few years of therapy has taught me similar tools to use to quiet that anxious voice & soothe it when I start that obsessive thinking. It’s so important to have compassion for ourselves & to remember that no matter what, we “have our own backs” and we can and will be ok even if we face having our hearts broken again. 💕

[@mairaagarwal4135]

Loved this.. Especially the part where you talk to the anxious child in you and give them that reassurance that they're looking for outside.. Beautiful.. Thank you so much!

[@zenmaiden1]

This video hit the mark, I have been slipping into some of this myself, even tho my partner has said we are together and exclusive we will live together next month. Long distance relationships provoke this rumination for me. it is my inner child anxiety totally!! I realize it’s me & not them my anxiety, the steps to break the cycle .. priceless. I will practice them and overcome and comfort that woman within who’s needing reciprocity, validation of love & reassurance safety. Life’s traumas from past toxic relationships.. was also a brilliant point I have had this happen .. but now I know what brought the exhusband my way. The deep wound within us both , I didn’t see it .. he did and I was the target . Shame on me.. the blind woman doesn’t see with rose colored glasses. I now will create the safe home to live in & practice the techniques. Please also go deeper on the how to..

[@Trishamonica]

As a person growing up with social anxiety and recently going through a traumatic past relationship i really need this as a reminder to myself, thankyou 💖

[@seemanath859]

Thank You so much Matthew! Your words are eye opener for me. Had I heard this before, I would have stopped multiple break-ups, heart breaking and emotional roller coaster ride; it would have saved tremendous amount of my time and energy too! Well, better late than never. I did all the mistakes that you mentioned and just didn't know why I was doing so, couldn't control my emotions and finally jumped from the cliff !! I think I need to rewatch this video particularly multiple times to remind myself and be aware of my needs! Thank You once again.

[@lanabnyc]

Thank you so much for this video Matthew. It unpacks every little single thing that I’ve gone through in dating (and even friendships!) throughout my entire life in a way I’ve never been able to think of before. The anxiety really does carry on from target to target, and throughout the stages with each person, so it’s so nice to finally know it really truly is not the target, in and of itself. The need has to be met within myself. ❤❤

[@VICTORIA-bb1dz]

What a gift you have to give all of these feelings most of us experience the proper perspective ❤ I feel like I've been fixed somehow after watching this lol

[@Dannilicious3]

I never commented a YT video in my life but this hit me spot on! 🙏 I been single for over 10 years and had anxious attachment. I get obsessed immediately when I like someone, freak out, get my heart broken by love bombers etc etc. It’s such a relief to know that I am not weird and alone in this. It’s a real struggle to carry this anxiety, I am a highly functioning person in other areas in life but I kind of shut down the door for love so I don’t need to carry the anxiety, it’s sad. I wanted to cry in the end because it was so beautiful the part about taking care of your inner child. You are amazing Matthew, thank you for this 🥰

[@thematthewhussey]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. It means so much. I’m honored to be the only video you’ve ever commented on!

[@sarawingfield1148]

You are truly just so awesome Matthew thank you for being you and out there for so many .. I’m a 60 year old struggling anxious attacher with a painfully broken heart …. for now it’s KZbin for me and maybe your book .. I wish I lived in Florida!

[@haveityourway7]

I will watch this video over and over. I can't express how perfect the timing is for me to see this. I'm currently at the peak of this anxiety and only very recently started to name it as what it is, weirdly. This video is so healing, elixir power, truly. I'm glad I'm at a point in my life where my heart truly hears what's being said here. I've been a long time follower Matthew and you really make a difference with the work you do. Thank you, I'm very grateful 💖

[@serenenana8821]

I have been going through this EXACT scenario this week. Many times I feel drawn to these videos at just the right time in my new relationship. Matthew you are spot on with explanation, compassion and insight. Thankyou

[@xxfoxyno1xx]

I recently deleted my dating apps because I noticed this pattern happening to me and I couldn’t pin point why I was doing this and failing to try adjust my mindset accordingly. Really appreciate this video and its timing. Never thought of my instant obsessions being a result of an anxiety. Looking forward to practicing these techniques and creating a home within myself so I can welcome another. Thanks Matthew you legend.

[@drewguttormson9368]

So well said! Love the message around not wanting to feel awkward and trying to find external gratification. Thank you

[@susanrosebush9701]

Thanks.... You've just given me the real reason why I've been feeling so insecure and overly attached to people all my life,not only romantically, but in friendships too .... There are many things I have to heal from.... Starting in my childhood😮 thank you so very much Matthew Hussey, your book is great, I got it n I love it. And btw, I'm an English teacher, your English is sooo perfect, not only have I acquired emotional tools from you, but C1 complex grammatical structures too, if you hadn't noticed, not many KZbinrs have such perfect English. Thank you sooo very much❤

[@hanaalaa8282]

Amazing advice, amazing timing! Been seeing a very nice person lately but every now and then I catch myself obsessing over little details, getting really anxious about future and holding on to the idea of us ending up together as if it's my last resort. Thank you for putting things into perspective. I'll keep enjoying the company of this person and see where it leads, but if it didn't last, I won't die!

[@sarahtorgerson8533]

Oh my. This video is so good. So much help, packed into 22 minutes. Truly. I've had two relationships that brought out so much anxiety in me, and I became obsessed with learning about limerence, attachment styles, and just trying to differentiate between limerence, infatuation, and real love. I'm currently dating a guy that I really like, and I am so aware of the potential for me to arrive at anxiousness, and I have recorded past triggers for anxiety, down to how my physical body feels. If it feels bad, it is definitely anxiety based. The other day I had a thought that caused me to spiral into thinking he doesn't actually like me. I had a whole scenario in my mind about it.. and I started to get anxious. So I said to myself, "So, what is the worst that could happen if he decided right now, that he didn't like you?" Oh, you'd feel sad and depressed? Yes? You get have been sad and depressed over boys before and you survived? Okay. Well. You'll have some extra free time that you aren't spending with a boy now? What will you do with that free time? Oh.. write. Make art. Garden. Exercise. Read books. Socialize with your other friends. Now there is a space for someone new, someone more suitable. You don't want to keep someone around who doesn't like you, right? I talked myself into a really good work out, did some cooking, and realized that the only person that should matter that might abandon me, is me. I won't ever abandon me. I have so many great things I do in my life and knowing another human to enjoy it with is a bonus. So, yeah. I continue to read and listen to content like this as a reminder to keep working on myself. Your content has been great. Truly helpful. Thank you.

[@PatriciaJ-nq6fn]

Thank you for helping me reframe a self-sabotaging posture! I’ve been seeking this insight for nearly a year and today I found it. It’s the best work you’ve done that I’ve heard from you so far, keep it coming you save lives. May God continue to bless you to do so.

[@cookWithYuyu2024]

"Create a safe home within yourself" Can't agree more. That's the thing I'm working on ❤ I grew up in an insecure environment and my inside world got even worse after I moved abroad. Now I do my private project, paint, cook, walk my cats, workout, make videos etc. Just filling myself with self love. Thank you for this amazing video Matthew 🤗

[@travisdesir3026]

This video has been exactly what I needed to hear. For the past few months every points you’ve said has been me. And I feel a sense of clarity. But everything still needs practice before you can fully grasp what’s been said.

[@stephanseidel8637]

It's overwhemling what you are able to explain in 20 minutes! Love your channel. Hugs & thank you!

[@thematthewhussey]

Wow, thank you!

[@ritajana8234]

I do get obssessed... super anxious. Thank you so so so much from the bottom of my heart for this video Matthew. I needed to ear all the things you said. I wish you all the best!

[@Crisitina001]

I feel SEEN (and a little bit attacked) by this video. I used to think these obsessive behaviours were harmless and a normal repsonse when you like someone, but with time and experience I've come to realize how excessive and detrimental they are, how much time and energy I've waisted. I feel hopeful and relieved to know that there's a healthier and more sustainable way to go about getting to know someone you like, and that it is completely within my power and responsibility to change the pattern. And how exciting is it that the way to get there is essentially learning to take better care of yourself?? Thank you for this video Matthew! ❤

[@alyonabotanova8445]

thank you Matthew! it's great to know I'm not the only one person with this dating anxiety. now it will be aesier to remind myself that it's okay to want to be loved but it's also important to create a safe home within myself. huge hugs.

[@magentapscott941]

I am so appreciative of this message! Once you said you felt like this before with somebody this is your anxiety talking. I now know I need to work on my anxiety and my nervous system! I can never thank you enough for me and you and helping all of us navigate our relationships in the hard, fun, exciting crazy life!

[@nancyhynes8775]

Matthew, this video is a gem. You beautifully explore & describe these needs & anxieties and how to extricate ourselves and create our own safety, "home," & emotional intelligence. Thank you so very much for your good works.

[@ifallthingsmatter]

This message came in just in time for me. I am currently going through this and I felt so embarrassed by what I texted to the person due to my anxiety. Shucks. Thanks Matthew 💙

[@thematthewhussey]

That text will mean nothing in the context of your life. Promise.

[@ifallthingsmatter]

@@thematthewhussey Thank you

[@lizzysalway6844]

Thanks Matthew, this video really spoke to me. Anxiety as soon as I’ve met someone has been a real challenge for me. I’ve been working on it for a while and your advice has been the most helpful out there. Last time I met someone attractive and found myself hoping there might be some mutual interest, I found myself thinking “I’ll be ok whatever happens” and that felt like a breakthrough. I attribute that to your advice, so thank you. More work to do but I’m seeing progress! 🙏

[@Ness0d]

I really needed this 🙏 crazy how I can be so confident in everyday life but any “love” relationship really dims me out with my anxiety

[@al5068]

I’ve been reading on limerence and it’s been incredibly enlightening. This video describes this obsession very well!

[@theendlesssummereatsurfwha9882]

Congratulations on the book! I've been listening to it as an audiobook and absolutely loved it!

[@pavlovaalex]

Fantastic advice! I mostly appreciate the clear outline of steps and strategy how to identify our inner voice chatter/anxious rumination And how to a manage it “as an adult” . How to realize to put a pause, or review our feelings of over excitement.To talk to ourselves like we would talk to a friend or a child who is starting who obsess over something “enough of fantasizing, anxious projecting, let’s put this on hold and do something different now. Take a break. Take your time. Let’s get to know this person and see if they are who they say they are. If they are who we need and want. Let’s not paint them in a fantasy colors.” This makes me realize, that the more projection of fantasy I put onto this new excitement, the more pretended /Fake reality this person will become. My anxiety and excitement will become my imagination. I will fall to fast with my dream. I need to step back and calmly absorb the reality instead. Pay attention to the Red Flags 🚩 as well! Not just the Fantasy I want to see and hear… Thank you Mathew for this very clear lesson

[@beckih8597]

I started crying watching this. I have been through a lot of abuse and this now describes me down to a tea. I've recently just had my heart broken again after the anxiety of they don't like me as much which turned out true but I'm now taking a break from trying to find my home in someone else but finding that safe home in myself. Thankyou for the video and to help validate and help me recognise a pattern I have.

[@Riceblox2000]

My girlfriend left me for a second time over a 5 year period. I never give up on her because I know “she’s the one”, because no obstacle could make me give up on her. But you made me realize she can’t be “the one” because 2 times now, an obstacle for her was bigger than her desire to continue our relationship and future together. No other video has made me see as clearly as yours do and I’m really thankful for your help. And this video sounds like me as well which has given me more to work on, and I’m definitely working on myself alone, no relationship needed. Unless it’s with myself lol

[@thematthewhussey]

🙏❤

[@mbece_...]

You always teach us something much more incredible then incredible itself.

[@anchisakungtrakul462]

Dear Matthew, I just want to say you are amazing. I truly thank you for making this video and doing what you do everyday to help others learn and realize how to heal, improve and love themselves, their loves one and people around them ❤️

[@Conscious58]

BRAVO!!! Well-conveyed message! Thank you Matthew!!! I love that you incorporated "The Loving Inner Parent" talking to "Wounded Inner Child."

[@barrywolff9621]

I was hanging onto every word yo spoke as it addressed my true condition. I have realized that I don’t have a solid home within myself where I find contentment which results in trying to find these things in other persons.

[@babandeeprathore]

This is literally what I went through recently just over the weekend and realized the same things. haha sometimes I feel like I've manifested videos and we're all going through the same experiences. It helps to know I'm not alone.

[@zacksymes]

The timing is wild. Don’t even think I knew of this guy before tonight. And his latest video is my current problem. A very extreme current problem of mine. Thanks man.

[@oraoraora1649]

i’ve had a hard time with not being able to cry, but this video got me to cry for just a bit

[@lauranadel9336]

Brilliant - I think it applies to new triggers that come up as your dating after the early days. I recently spoke to myself this way when I realized I was placing my anxiety on a situation. I also told my partner, which took courage. Things come up to come out, and life is an ongoing process!

[@NicholeMann-sd3rc]

Matthew! The work you do is amazing. You're the best friend/brother/dad/male I never had in my life. I am so grateful for you. Anytime I am feeling lost in romantic relationships I run to you for advice. Recently my inner child was screaming at me that," I am being abandoned!!!" 🚒🚨 I really needed to hear this message. Thank you so much.

[@Melanie_M]

I love that with each video there's more plants in the background. Audrey doing amazing work! :D

[@winnieabodo]

This video couldn't have come at a better timing ! Thank you for clarifying my epiphany of the week !

[@karinbasart9132]

Wow Matthew!! I never leave comments and I just had to reach out and let you know how much I enjoyed this episode. It was incredibly powerful and insightful. I truly appreciate the knowledge and perspective you shared here. You've really been on fire since the release of your book, and I must say, you're absolutely brilliant!

[@danielamondschein]

This video and your videos in general are psychologically very helpful, mostly. I found that obsessing or anxiety can also be about wanting to be alone.

[@ltnqueen3]

I definitely needed this video. Please post more because this was absolutely positively one of the most helpful videos I’ve seen in a while! I am already sharing it with my friends.

[@alexgreen1846]

You've been speaking to me directly. I was going through this my entire life. Sabotaging relationships when my needs weren't met. Latest story was this major crush on my yoga teacher who was using a lot of touching during workouts (my love language), plus saying all the right things to get me addicted. But thanks to Therapy and my choice to change I've noticed something was off. But you gave a practical manual here. And I'm so grateful. "I won't ruminate about this person, instead I'd rather go and do something" I feel more healed, and I needed to hear what you had to say in this video. Now gonna share it with my friends 😊

[@adrianamaayan]

This was spot on!!! One of the most helpful videos I've heard, as if you were talking directly to me!! I just ordered your book, can't wait to read it. Thank you Matthew for all you do!

[@dorihein4042]

Matthew, you opened me up to realize I am an anxious person in relationships. I saved this video and will listen to it often to remind me. Thank you❤

[@christinekohler8866]

More videos like this. You are a healer. Best Teacher I have ever experienced for real. Cannot thank you enough Matt. Good bless you. 🙏

[@koverbaugh91]

This was one of your best videos Matthew. I’ve realized this is the pattern I get myself into when dating and this is going to help me so much. Thank you thank you!

[@delsser7]

Thank you for allowing the message to flow through you from your higher self . This is exactly what I needed to hear thank you.

[@zacksymes]

The anxiety won’t just follow you from person to person. It will follow you in each stage of the relationship with the same person. Bro that is a wild idea! Love the awareness you shed on that fundamental.

[@adiforest656]

Best video I’ve seen from you Mathew! Bringing in attachment therory has really deepened your work. Thanks for delivering in such a gentle way we can receive. Well said.

[@sofiyakamalova1862]

I like the way you portray anxiety and give example on how to talk to yourself. Really want to buy your book!