How Perfectionism Ruins your Career & Relationships | And 4 Ways to Overcome It

When does trying to be perfect backfire?
When the wrong type of 'Perfectionism' takes over it can keep you STUCK and unproductive! You end up self-sabotaging and holding yourself back at work and in life. You limit your success, and your happiness.
If you can relate to this perfectionism thing and you find that it holds you back (like it almost did to me with this email), then you DEFINITELY want to watch this episode where I share:
• What perfectionism really is,
• The two primary dimensions of perfectionism (and how it’s not always bad!), and
• My 4 favorite strategies to work through it so that you can get un-stuck!
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[@ShadeZahrai]

How do you prevent yourself from falling into the 'Perfectionism' trap? I'd love to see in the comments so that we can all learn from each other! 😊

[@jenan110]

I'm trying to be learn more and improve myself

[@kshitijsharma3170]

You're doing valuable work. I have watched many of your videos and I just want to say keep up the good work.

[@krishna-6911]

Don't compare to others. Be a full fill human being. That means fire 🔥full energy input on ur goal. That my guru advice.. Pls tag heart❤ symbol shade........

[@MrDreamBro]

I WANNA EDIT VIDEOS LIKE YOURS. 💙✍️👨‍💻

[@prakharvishnoi8457]

This video didn't perfectly define perfectionism, you must admit there's more to it

[@sourabhshrivastava2238]

Strive for excellence rather than maladaptive perfection 1. Evaluate your intent- perfection should not be your goal. 2. Re evaluate your standards- keep your expectations in check. Be realistic 3. Reset your standards and commit- don't be a maximizer 4. Expose yourself to imperfection

[@sacdaabdurhman]

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” Sharing some love from small KZbinr

[@iamsitiismailsn7528]

The best 7.49 minute for today ❤️

[@AM-wh2fo]

I second this 👍

[@sunbhattacharjee655]

How could you possibly condense so much important information under 8 minutes? Very helpful video ❤

[@ShadeZahrai]

We work hard at it and practice makes perfect! Not the perfectionism type that is. 😂

[@nizam9941]

@@ShadeZahrai lol😂😂

[@MultiOliver87]

Thanks Shade. I am this guy who has had this maladaptive perfectionism and working to deal with it for good, I remember around this time of the year, one year ago I was at a dark place with severe gastrointestinal pain, back pain from working waaaay beyond the normal working hours. This was made worse because I was refraining from asking for help in an effort to "look" like I know when I didn't. It has been quite a journey and I am working on myself daily by God's grace. Since I discovered your channel I have absorbed so much value from your clips. May God add value to every portion of your life just as you are pouring out yourself to us.

[@abdulrazzak3976]

Desperately waiting for such kind of video from your side... Thanks for sharing these Amazing Tips... May God Bless You 🤲

[@ShadeZahrai]

You're most welcome and God Bless you too! It's been an extremely busy couple of weeks with our business but my husband put in extra effort to get this edited and sent out ASAP today. 😊

[@ashifrazark]

There is not a single video left on your channel which i haven't watched yet , and I can clearly say you and your content both are really amazing.

[@imranayasmin7656]

Thank you Zahrai for making my life easier. I used to beat up myself. Now, after watching your video, I realized that adaptive perfectionism can make your mornings brighter and full of gratitude.

[@catcoder12]

I didn't even know that this was a common issue. I am way too perfectionist and felt this is how one should be if they want to be successful

[@aaronjohn6586]

It's truly amazing how the only beings on this planet that care about being perfect are humans. Yet this pathological need drives so many to make choices that more then often causes such angst and inner psychic pain. Perhaps you could speak to how embracing one's "imperfections" is a way to learn how to just be in the moment. My horses will never win a race, nor any riding contest but they have taught me that character, courage and the willingness to try is more important than doing something perfectly. I once watched a woman riding her $20,000 pure blooded Arabian have a complete meltdown as a flock of geese landed near it. My rescue horse, a Belgian cross just stood there calm and cool. She asked me " Why my horse didn't react?" I said " Because I let him make mistakes and not ask more of him then he is willing to give." Being perfect is a myth, doing everything perfectly is an illusion only humans care about it much to our detriment.

[@varunemani]

Thanks a bunch Dear sister Shade, i really needed to hear this.. yet again! 'A Great contrubution to 21 century humanity these videos of yours are...' - *The Wise Yodda by Lucas* 🍷👍

[@gowthamn6496]

WoW! I have been struggling to be perfect in my work And u have clearly explained how to overcome it, this video has much value and this will be timeless and help people

[@ShadeZahrai]

So glad!

[@Kayash_Kino]

Evergreen video for sure

[@kaziquefly]

I love this video!!! I cannot tel you how much I agree with you. This is exactly what I said in my last job interview. I don’t believe in perfection, I strive for excellence and reflect on my mistakes to learn from them and grow as a whole rounded human being. I have spent many years of my life beating myself up for not being “perfect” and you know what? When I look back, those standards have changed so much in my mind and my heart, I feel sorry for myself and I wish I could give my self a big hug. Because I don’t even believe in those “perfections” anymore. I am valuing my own experience and my life lessons learned from not being perfect and even failing much more than I could ever value being the “picture perfect” person, wherever it means 😅

[@pratyaydatta2545]

😘 You are the BEST 😘 This video helped me to understand myself, like nothing ever could.. Thank You so much..

[@Sky_l0ver]

This video was the highlight of my day

[@sdmrizvi1496]

How ever you spoke about benefits of not being perfectionist.....i STRONGLY FEEL THAT YOUR THIS ATTEMPT WAS "PERFECT". God Bless you Shadei

[@ramakrishnagudivada2666]

Probably the best video of today🤩

[@carcherlaseshaditya9511]

For once, I would like to congratulate your husband for such amazing video editing the soft music behind. Great work!

[@mawsonek7703]

OMG, that is me. Never happy with myself & the outcomes of my work. Can't make any decisions since there might be something better. Now I know why, I'm going to try the ways you mentioned, hopefully, it'll help.

[@SHTALKS]

Have a happy life Mam Shade Zahrai. You spread full love from your side to the public from your helping videos. A lot of love from Pakistan.

[@tlz8884]

thanks for breaking it down and explaining each part

[@ShadeZahrai]

No problem!

[@stormbreaker82]

idk theres something about your eyes, some kind of positivity, i feel like your eyes can convey the message even if you aren't speaking.

[@theway.kamyavardhan]

Just made my experience more deep thanks very much

[@nitinkhanna5049]

Ignore trollers and keep shining mam. You don't how many newbies are prepare or updating there skills by just viewing your videoa

[@attitudera2011jadi]

These small videos can totally shift my mood and really just make me understand what I am feeling and how to fix it. Thank you shadé

[@PinupSticknerd]

1st. Delusional thinking Plot out where this is: Now what you do has a when: You are a great manager 💪😊 Appreciate you ✊

[@smitboraniya6752]

This video helped me a lot. It's like every sentence is made for me. You are doing a great work by enhancing many people's lives. Keep the good work going.

[@mohammedfazil3473]

Your communication and it's tone is superb. Could you provide me some tips to improve my communication?

[@gauravsinghbedi6536]

Wonderful Shadé...It's Very Important Information. Thank you

[@siddhantbanerjee110]

I watch your videos but seriously your vibes are really positive. Thanks a million

[@officesuperhero9611]

Good advice. I see myself in this. Another issue with perfectionism is that you spend so much time working on a project that you neglect any social life. You find you only have colleagues and coworkers and no friends or social life beyond work. Not healthy. Thanks for sharing.

[@muhammadkadirhossain6629]

This video change my morning mood thank you so much for making amazing content...

[@joaomendes1574]

Thank you for your insights. I guess analysis paralysis relates strong with perfectionism. Maybe impostor syndrome too. I feel that all of that relates to past criticism (not feedback) and bullying. The past criticism grows the fear of failure and with that, the perfectionism behaviour.

[@rajukhubchandani4841]

Critiques are welcome who tell us good and bad, but critics who tell us only the bad, are welcome only when I ask for feedback. Critics have helped me improve too. But, the bottom line is to focus on oneself, not others. Improve oneself from the current state, check competition for inspiration, doing something different, etc., but not for focussing on them, but one's own strengths that maybe the competition does not have. Competitors can be unintentional teachers, so why shun them. Bottom line, believe in oneself, but not blindly, sometimes test one's beliefs.

[@-AkhilTej-]

🎯💎🏆 Great insightful & fruitful video 🏆💎🎯

[@irabiu6792]

You're brilliant. It's amazing how everytime I watch videos, I feel like you're talking to me. Im always learning something new from you. Appreciate it Shadè 👍👍👍

[@ShadeZahrai]

You are so welcome 🙏🏽😊

[@lucaslyra2275]

Wow. Thank you so much. That helped a lot. Saved me lots of time!!

[@ShadeZahrai]

Glad it helped Lucas!

[@svskarthik]

Great insights !! Thank you !!

[@Vishakha79]

Waaoowwww ma'am... I am immensely impressed by the accent and the content of yours. I wasn't aware about this. Glad to learn a new thing today. It helped me to change my mindset. Thanks a gazillion ma'am... Keep creating these amazing tutorials and video lessons for us... Ma'am you deserve millions of likes, shares, subscribers... 😊😊😊. I am highly impressed.

[@rajraushan258]

Oh my god it's so precise and eloquently explained.... 🙏 This was in my mind for a long time but I could not explain it.... Maladaptive Perfectionism.

[@ShadeZahrai]

Glad it was helpful!

[@akshatbhatt5384]

This was helpful for me thanks !!

[@ShadeZahrai]

Glad it helped!

[@markbrownemail]

I love your point about being a maximizer causing regret (5:45)

[@sriramachandran.s2971]

My perfectionism made me perfect procrastinator in any thing I do and constantly looking for best options. Big thanks for you. From here my focus is going to be on growth than perfection.

[@TheRonellCross]

Why is this woman in my head talking about my life? haha! This is all me, to the max. Thanks for sharing this video.

[@ShadeZahrai]

You're far from alone! Hope this was of some help.

[@nl4075]

Thankyou for this great video. This is so useful❤️💓💕

[@Manish_49]

I always listen to your speech and I know I can make changes in life 👍

[@rubalsodhi]

I just want to say You're addicted. your voice module, your impression,your way of speaking Love from India. ❤

[@LZLight]

thanks for sharing, Shade, striving for excellence works

[@PrashantSingh-oy3gx]

Your expressions are too very appealing ma'am.

[@georgerj9125]

Every time I listen to Shade, I feel energized and empowered👍🙏

[@ShohagIshtiaque]

You're such a Package...All in One..Vocal, Tone, Textures, Smile, Explanation.. Fabulous ❤️❤️❤️ One of your Biggest Fan.

[@Prateek_Rawat]

Thanks a bunch of the advice. That was very helpful.

[@TanayBhalani]

Amazing content, really helpful, thank you Shadé and Faysal✌️

[@ShadeZahrai]

Our pleasure!

[@balanchulliyan7632]

Nobody in this world who is completely perfect now, yesterday,or tomorrow.

[@hdj29]

I'm thankful to you Shade.. for sharing small tips to us ; though i dont comment that much... ! It's a great kick...Much love shade

[@almoghtarib2]

I always wake up on this motivated videos☺️ Thanks for such informative videos✌🏽

[@architmandloi2462]

PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO ON HOW NOT TO WORRY ABOUT FUTURE AND FAILURES IN LIFE AND GIVE YOUR BEST EACH DAYS !! I AM IN STRESS OF QUALIFYING EXAM *_*

[@mohanishpgunaga9601]

How can you be so glowing and full of life all the time.. R I living in a parallel universe or r u incredible rich!!?

[@ShadeZahrai]

Thank you for the kind words. My husband and I work long hours with our business and also make time to produce these videos. Helping others brings us a lot of joy. We know people who are incredibly rich that are very unhappy and those who live with modest means yet are full of gratitude, generosity and kindness. Having a more positive, optimistic and productive existence is a choice. 😊

[@mohanishpgunaga9601]

OMG I never expected a reply.. This in itself is a testimony of the fact as to how hard you work.. And yes I agree with you.. Great work.

[@ShadeZahrai]

😊🙏🏽

[@rockysaikia7709]

I am a maladaptive perfectionist. I could portray myself throughout the video.....Thank you for this valuable insight

[@sriramkannan317]

Why is this channel not yet popular?

[@infernalx9]

You're amazing!!! I've learnt so much from you this past month since I started following your channel.

[@ShadeZahrai]

I'm so glad! Thank you 🙏

[@OverPwng]

I could drink Shadé's words every day

[@civilengineervijayhallyal3767]

One more amazing this is blowing my mind...☺️👍💯 I feel stressed before the video thank God I watched it. It makes feel energy and refreshed. It removed mountain on my head.. 💯👍👍💯..

[@civilengineervijayhallyal3767]

Excellence makes you better and better on daily basis. Which gives to lots of goals and feel fresh everytime. It's stedy and long process with more benefits. 💯👍💯👍

[@hiahldn2711]

I started desensiting to maladaptive perfectionalism and switched to adaptive one by being okay with my lipstick not being very perfect every time I apply it… I became okay with when sometimes I would even feel that I need to apply more or less or the color is not as perfect as I want… and with this change in my behavior, I now feel more satisfied and comfortable

[@g.a.n.t6798]

Congrats Shadè For 1.15 Lakhs Subscribers Love From India Keep Growing my best wishes with you

[@ShadeZahrai]

Thank you Amanat 🙌 Sending best wishes back 🙏🏽

[@maimunafatima8418]

God bless you! I just love your videos honestly! I find them very helpful indeed! Thanks a lot!! Loved your personality & soon I'll be able to transform mine too, God willing! Thanks again!❤😇🤩

[@asadiqbal1231]

It's great to be in touch with you😊

[@youridealwritings]

Your contents are well researched. Thank you for nice presentation.

[@madhavsirohi2225]

THANKYOU I am already seeing changes, your channel is a gold mine I WISH i had an elder Sister like you to guide me early on. 🙏

[@wahajahmed6898]

Great Video! It was precise & practical. It helped me a lot understanding what's going on in myself (Perfectionism) & how it's blocking me from moving forward. Thank you so much!!!

[@chaitany4443]

Please,make video on how to be mindful and concious

[@selfhelpchampion9664]

Very useful information, will repost at our blog selfhelpchampion. You should be on Lisa's Women of Impact Channel. Best wishes🙏🙏

[@saketsinha4310]

Great inputs Shade, fantastic video!!

[@ShadeZahrai]

Thanks so much!

[@lisac763]

Ugh- being a perfectionist no doubt takes a toll on my mental health. I feel like I have such a deeply ingrained fear of failure especially at work. The funniest thing is that I'll come across my co-workers mistakes (my bosses as well) and the world doesn't end. I have a lot of unlearning to do 😳

[@ShadeZahrai]

Kudos for acknowledging this. You said it right 'unlearning'. Which then needs to be supplemented with new habits to break from old patterns of behavior. Often that fear of failure comes from an intense need for control, safety, approval or any combination of the 3. 'Naming' the root cause of that fear can help you 'tame' to it. I find journaling in the third person is an effective way to understand where our habits come from and then to start shifting that internal dialogue.

[@shreeganeshaaynamah353]

Thank you so much dearest mam.. you're really amazing mentor online.. thanx for sharing❤🙏

[@jimmythespy8289]

This helps me a lot, thanks for the tips.

[@JawadAli-xi5wh]

Really great communication skills

[@babu_moshai]

2:29 that wheelie came out of nowhere 😂😂😂 Thanks for making this video on very important topic which everybody can relate from

[@AbhishekSingh-op2tr]

may be she was trying to make not-perfect video :)

[@ShadeZahrai]

Exactly 👍🏽 😊 A loud bike was passing by interrupted our recording so my husband decided to keep it in the final edit.

[@babu_moshai]

@@ShadeZahrai that's good 👍

[@Freehifz]

Thanks madam, Your efforts are really valuable Thanks again for your contribution to self improvement ❤❤❤

[@chetnakikan1526]

The way you speak is really beautiful😍 👍👍

[@andricstefan8633]

This is a great channel i dont get how you dont have more subscribers with sutch good content

[@amilasu1]

Thank you for this valuable video ❤❤❤

[@georgedefoe6364]

I'm going to share this with my daughter she's a perfectionist

[@omarpro8626]

Very helpful and life changing video. Thank you so much shade 😊😊

[@manuelpinto9470]

First time I watched.... I Like these videos ....I know it will help to improve my thoughts....

[@sand4463]

Another great wisdom learned from a great person 👏 God bless always Miss Shade Z. ♥️🙏

[@CuteBamboo2012]

Oh my good this is a game changer. It helps a lot!!

[@rashidmirza9121]

Brilliant approach🌷.

[@arunyuvraj6958]

Thanks for all these great lessons Shade. Please do a video on the books to read to speak politely and professionally in workplaces which I'm finding really hard to come by.

[@ScribaeEducantum]

Thank you! You are very talented and classy woman! Respect

[@testemail1301]

I really like your videos and value your views and efforts on every thought. I want to request you to pls share a video on a person who is a maladaptive perfectionist, who never critize own performance and capabilities but always expecting others to be that perfect for all lil things in the same way obviously which is never possible, and so always critizing every person, can't delegate and not happy with anyone. What should we call that person and what can be the approach to deal with such person. More specifically, this is in personal family relationship. Thanks

[@santoshv.k.5419]

I love to watch your videos mostly because your videos content are mostly on handling real life situation .it's keep motivating me making me a better person each day . such a small suggestion stop being so attractive so I can concentrate on your information not on you .thank you & keep it up . 👍👏

[@sayedmuhammad5823]

Introducing yourself is a good method of advertisements at beginning of clips but it can be boring if do frequently

[@jayaramtalabattula2591]

Thank you so much. This had effected everything in my life. I will surely apply your suggestions.

[@andrewpoole160]

You are obviously a brilliant lady. But why do you dig so deeply and critically into Perfection? Great athletes Must go all out to achieve Perfection if they want to win medals. So perfectionism is a must in certain endeavors. You are thoughtful and caring and I learn so much from your videos. You have wisdom , the rare rare attribute. Thanks very much

[@anirpas]

Thanks for this Shade!

[@ShadeZahrai]

My pleasure!!

[@amino5153]

I often thought that perfection is key, but thank you for stating the flaws behind it!

[@harishhg9093]

It's really...cool explanation abot perfectionist...thank u

[@us9348]

this was a great unlearning.. shade zahrai tq🤗

[@ShadeZahrai]

My pleasure 😊

[@andrewmcallister7781]

Your series is amazing, probably means im a bit mental, but it literally feels like you wrote the video for me 😬🙈😂 Thank you for the tips. Age and experience have also helped, perfectionism has definitely had a massive impact on my life and relationships. Finding balance is key.