HOW TO FIX AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE - From the Attachment Specialist

[@AttachmentAdam]

The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available! If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love, and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now and write a happy ending to your love story! adamlanesmith.com/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/

[@miami4005]

Your truly the only coach to clear the air about DAs and offer actual solutions

[@AttachmentAdam]

I appreciate you. Thank you!

[@accopacatty]

Hi your approach is so helpful just wish you’d focus more on DA women, im in a situationship and could use strategies for even talking with her about attachment styles I think she will just bolt….

[@Pernikitty]

Wow, I’ve never heard avoidant attachment defined in terms of the neurochemistry. This makes so much sense! I would share this explanation with my partner if the title weren’t so inflammatory! 😂

[@AttachmentAdam]

Check out my recent video called the biochemistry of avoidant attachment style, that’s much less inflammatory

[@reneeMajor856]

I'm disorganised attached style, I only just found out this year, It explains a lot .

[@slidewayzevoix]

I’m secure, loving my disorganized/ avoidant gf it’s been a very rough journey into our 4th month and I’m excited for to see the how to love the avoidant women 💯👏

[@evdrivertk]

My analogy is being born deaf and never being able to hear Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. The day you get a cochlear ear implant and hear music for the first time, your world is never the same, you seek to hear more, and are willing to put in loads of effort to make that happen.

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is also a good analogy. You can only know what you've experienced.

[@lynettejohnson9051]

Don't chase the scared cat... it will hide longer

[@Adrian_Estando]

Words to live by.👍🏼💙

[@sshuteandrew]

True but the option is to not be true to yourself and silence your own needs.

[@anoncspan4129]

Yeah, that's where my hang up is. How long do I go? Into the kids are out of the house? Do we are to emotionally divorce and do our own things on our times outside of the house? ​@@sshuteandrew

[@lightbluedev]

Thanks!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you very much

[@cjthefox]

As someone who falls into both anxious and avoidant tendencies this video makes me feel both seen and heard but also called out for my bs

[@alilsunshine7172]

This was absolutely excellent! Thank you so much, Adam!

[@nohasamir3134]

Thank you for this video. Please please enlighten us about the disorganized style... I think I have many patterns from that attachment but need your input; particularly about the biochemistry.

[@lynettejohnson9051]

Regular check ins to see if partner has a specific need and how often.

[@amandabennett769]

Thank you so much for creating this content. The ripple effect from bringing this awareness has the ability to shape the future generations of our kids.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you for your kind words, I'm happy to help! It's wonderful to hear that you find the content impactful. What insights have you found most impactful so far?

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

Do you have a questionnaire we can take to see exactly which attachment style we are? This sounds like me but also not and the anxious avoidant perhaps. How do we find out?

[@andrisshirons]

I am listening to those things and this is like looking into a hell and recognizing, yup, that's me.

[@andrisshirons]

I was going to ask this girl out, but now...what's the point? another failure, more wasted time, nothing gained, everything lost? What for?

[@AttachmentAdam]

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of frustration and hopelessness right now. It's tough recognizing these patterns, but don't lose hope. Seeking help and guidance can make a difference. Reach out at [e-mail] for assistance on this journey. You're not alone.

[@andrisshirons]

@@AttachmentAdam Thanks. Who knows, maybe someday I will.

[@ZachAttack2U]

You listed things that deeply resonate with my mindset @13:31, Its oddly reassuring to know that someone else understands my views, but that I can (Hopefully) change my behaviors and views to live a happier and more fulfilling life. Thanks for the great content, Adam Lane Smith! 👍 You've earned a new sub!

[@Terrilyn_Austen]

Oh my gosh thank you. I haven't been intimate with anyone in years because of former boyfriends who have betrayed me.

[@rachelbarclay9481]

Iv just come across you channel and although iv seen many attachemnt videos this one really stood out , i found it easilyer to understand than other videos explaining what avoidant attachement is and I can resonate massively with what your saying . I could never understand while after 7/12 month max I would cut off dating a guy. This pattered continued until I stood back and realised that this isn't normal esp when it was always me ending it and for no reason. I would be so interested and involved and excited about the future then it would be like a switch goes off one day and all those feelings and interest I had would vanish and I'd feel trapped and I was going to lose my independence , i could never explain it and ended up hurting the guys I had been with who by then would have had oxytocin bond happening that u mentioned.This is when I started looking into attachement theory and realising I have an avoidant attachemnt. I also deal with probelms on my own and don't like having to ask for help or support. I also didn't realise it was something avoidants do untill you mentioned in the video about woman facing the other directing during bedroom activitys and I'm not a huge fan of kissing or foreplay and normally after 7 months I lose all interest in being sexual. Very imciteful and interesting video! Thanks

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad the video resonated with you and provided valuable insights into your own experiences. Your ability to recognize the patterns of avoidant attachment in your own behavior is a significant step towards personal growth and healthier relationships. It's commendable that you're actively seeking to understand and address these challenges. Feel free to reach out any time. I'd be happy to help you develop healthy coping mechanisms and improve your relationship skills.

[@rachelbarclay9481]

​@AttachmentAdam Thanks adam, I'm glad being self aware can help me start to change it. I am scared about putting myself back out and potential hurting someone else as it's not something I consciously do and I can't flip the switch back once iv lost that interest / excitement and it really makes me feel like an awful person. Before I knew about attachment theory, I said I would stop even trying to look for a partner cause I can't deal with the hurt I cause. I generally want to meet someone and connect and have more children but it seems quite a challenge. What course on your website would benefit me ? Also i have a question, how do i know between someone im not interested in compared to being avoidant? How do I differentiate the difference? Thanks

[@BillBrent]

Wish there were support groups for avoidants that had a few secure mentors/role models.

[@NunYaBiz1313]

💯 that would be awesome to see a healthy secure relationship/person

[@asushomie4387]

Yeah if we get support groups it will be much helpful

[@kardzmatic]

Awesome video. Thank you 🙏

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad it was helpful!

[@MandaBearHeart]

Question... I believe i have disorganized attachment, ive done much to heal and become very aware of my responses and triggers, but i am very open to talking through things. When you are talking about level 1 trust, i am listening and thinking my avoidant partner would see these things in me, but i don't see yhe same in him! So are avoidant attached people looking for certain standards, to know if they can trust others, but not applying the same standards towards themselves?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Not all avoidantly attached people are the same when it comes to accountability or having certain standards in their relationships. I encourage you to send me an email at [e-mail] so we can discuss this further and I'll give you all the answers and resources you need.

[@Onyxopus]

Excellent content.

[@BecDraper]

How does the dopamine-fest overlap with neurodivergent people especially those with Adhd?

[@lala.sakura.ru.2256]

Wow ! 🤩🤩

[@Alex-oy6ci]

That's funny. I'm avoidant attachment style Because of waterboarding.

[@if7363]

23:12 exactly. Besides that's confirmation bias. You're looking for signs that confirm your belief.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Most people are looking for signs that confirm an existing belief, which is why most stay stuck in their mistakes.

[@kardzmatic]

I believe you can help me with my person…. We just had a son so this is life changing information. We will book a 1 on 1 asap.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'd be happy to help. Feel free to reach me directly through [e-mail]

[@soushould8986]

Hey Adam! Love your video’s you give such good words to whats going on. Thanks so much! Would love to see a video on two avoidants in a relationship. Whats your take and have you seen these two similar types in a relationship.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Great suggestion! Stay tuned for a new video on this. Thanks for the feedback and I'm so glad you've found the content helpful.

[@Greenbambu78]

Agree…😂 it’s like love bombing with high level of dopamine…

[@JenniferEckert-o9j]

Have you made any videos about how to love a fearful avoidant?

[@emmeazan]

Can you please link the research or researcher's name in the comments.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Are you talking about Dr Sue Carter?

[@emmeazan]

@@AttachmentAdam Yes, thank you!

[@Soulgirlartnumber1367]

Do a lot of avoidant have adhd just a thought 💭 🤔

[@billyray5423]

Why do i feel that ive done something wrong. I just want to fix the problem and move on after ive made every excuse for my behavior, but she always says she feels unheard and disregarded.

[@rainfog1]

the problem is, the most basic key to any relationship, called COMMUNICATION, is the number 1 thing that people don't know how to do. people don't communicate. people don't know how to communicate. how do you develop trust? how do you develop honesty? how do you develop loyalty and commitment? when people don't even know how to communicate... so if they avoid me, i certainly avoid all of them...as much as I could...all the time... sorry, not sorry...

[@drfronkensteen9205]

If you’re with someone you intellectually know you can trust but your instincts say you can’t and you make the mistake of showing through your behaviors you don’t trust them, what do you do.

[@DarkCentaur24]

This were me and my ex, he turned around and cheated to sabotage the relationship, then promised to stay in contact and dissappeared for 1,5 month. Have done the betrayal back and we have recently ended the relationship.. Looking back the relationship was unfortunately sabotaged from the beginning🥺

[@gregvanpaassen]

Before the "how to", we need "why to". I'm comfortable alone. Everyone says "fix avoidance so you can handle conflict better". So, if I fix myself, I'll just have conflicts? How is that a benefit? What else is there? Friends? Even if I could do the small talk stuff and eventually get to trust someone, friends are too high maintenance, they expect stuff all the time. More people to have conflicts with, too. People are optional for an avoidant. So... what else is there?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Tell me more about why you think that. I think that conflicts are opportunities for growth and connection when you're securely attached, and as for friends, you can always establish healthy boundaries so that you're comfortable and not overwhelmed.

[@lynettejohnson9051]

Sometime there is little extra stress from stupid people creating karma.

[@liquidlifeconsulting]

I’m not sure it’s fixable. Most of the avoidants I know haven’t changed in decades. They just go through life breaking hearts and feeling like a victim. Rarely can they empathize - or even recognize - the pain they inflict on others. It’s such a selfish perspective. And you’ll wait a lifetime for an apology. The only way it gets fixed is if they are willing to work on it, which is the exact opposite of avoidance. As a secure attacher… the juice isn’t worth the squeeze with an avoidant. They drive me away because they don’t want to find a solution together. No vasopressin bonding and no oxytocin available.

[@RosettaRedfeather]

Carl Jung successfully matched up 250 astrological charts as partners who were married. Jungian astrology should therefore be a highly useful compatibility tool if it’s used properly.

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

I’m not sure I’m ready to hear this 😅❤️‍🩹