How to Grieve What Should Have Never Happened

[@jasmync6735]

Bless him for being so patient with the last caller. I was getting so frustrated listening to her explain her situation while not actually explaining anything. I learn so much from him even if I can't relate to the callers actual circumstances.

[@CynthiaHutchinson-c1m]

I am two years out from losing my husband of 30 years from a glioblastoma (brain tumor.) I understand the shadow. I'm just now realizing that my anxiety and depression are worse because of the loss. But I'm also realizing that I don't want to live in these emotions. I am finally realizing that this is going to be more difficult than I thought it would be. This very imperfect marriage was my life for over 30 years. Now he's gone.

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

The woman from Seattle sounds like a truly amazing mother and person. The fact that she initiated the divorce, but feels guilty about it, not bc she isn't happy to be out of a one sided marriage, but the affects it may have taken on the kids shows her true character and selflessness. I truly hope nothing but the best for that woman and her family.

[@ga6589]

John gave very sound advice about grief. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and wait for the overwhelming sadness of it to ease. Losing your parents, especially if you've been close, is like losing your anchor in this life. Even having my own family, I felt like I was somehow all alone in the world.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

Well you aren't the family you create is even more important than the family you came from

[@susanl4198]

I lost both of my parents within two months of each other and had the very same experience of overwhelming sadness.

[@beccadotelpy]

Delony pointing out the added pain of having Covid politicized was such a great moment. It's so true. I've lost friends and clients at work and to hear some say all the dismissive things is just cruel and unhelpful. Think what you want but there are people who are hurting. Be kind to them.

[@indrarampersad5781]

I can relate to the caller. I lost my mom five months ago. I feel so sad and broken.

[@fernleafmedia]

I'm listening from Awhitu Peninsula area in New Zealand and we have a men's shed here in our little town of Waiuku.

[@harrietbaker4484]

I have been dealing the the exact same thing. The pain of chosing a divorce because I was dying in my marriage and my kids had a hard time with their dad. So hard! Thanks!

[@aliceford799]

I learned this as the little sister of 3 elder brothers. If I wanted to talk to them, I waited until they were focused on something and then I would get near them. Remarkably, they would talk to me if they didn’t have to sit facing me. I carried that into my adult relationships. Not when they were watching a game, of course. I had to be selective. 😇

[@mimimonster]

I’m in a super similar situation as this caller with the distant ex-husband. Sounds like she doing a great job in a difficult situation!

[@jcstuart6978]

God Bless you Dr John for spending a little extra time on that 2nd call.

[@annaandrianis7310]

My husband just lost his mother a few days ago to covid . She lived with us for 15 years she was like a mother to me. We depended on her for our emotional needs. She was our rock . We are lost without her . We carry a lot of guilt for not looking for medical help sooner . We also got sick with covid ourselves and we were still recovering when she passed. It hurts sooooo much and it hurts even more to see him carrying so much guilt .

[@road_king_dude]

I cried like a baby on this one.

[@oregoncoastmama3004]

I've lost 2 siblings. One ten years ago and one my best friend my big sister a little over a year ago. The sleepless nights dont end. My heart will always be broken. You just learn to live with holes in your heart. YOU WILL definitely grieve forever.😭😭I absolutely dread losing my husband, kids or parents. I am terrified of it. I'm not sure my heart would make it.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️

[@shehnazahmad5213]

I see Dr u moving fast on social media well done

[@carlossanchez-vg3wi]

I am so so glad I found this podcast, De. Delony is amazing, this helps me more than my own therapy as a matter of fact and don't get it twisted I love my therapist but this podcast is like the secret I can't keep to my self, I believe people that will never give therapy a chance can truly benefit a lot from the show, cheers 🥂

[@GwenMotoGirl]

Men need these opportunities to get together like the man shed program, and the women in their lives need to not give them a hard time about doing this.

[@tashy24]

Hey this is best thing I've found on KZbin , I've discovered this podcast. Its a great use of my time and get learn alot. I hope to get the books one day..

[@silvermaple3580]

He was an emotionally unavailable husband. And he’s holding true to who he is, as an emotionally unavailable father. When someone shows their true colors, believe them. There will be no changing this man. Trust that your children are resilient, and they will eventually vote with their feet..

[@ValerieSunshine]

So glad you are taking guitar, John! Did the same actually -- got back into voice lessons ( breathing techniques) because you know what? It's never too late to discover new "pieces" of ourselves...

[@Jaisee14]

Good morning from snowy Colorado

[@jamiestanley9234]

Good morning from a very coooold Oklahoma 🥶

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

@@jamiestanley9234 it was pretty chilly on gulf coast of Florida today :).

[@cathyosullivan718]

I don’t understand how individuals can go to psychiatric hospitals and end up traumatized. Hospitals need to be places of healing!

[@JessicaClapper]

I agree with this! I've heard some scary stories out of these hospitals and it's saddening.

[@JustDiane71]

I wouldn't send my enemy to a Psych Hospital. I had a loved one in a very highly thought of hospital, that actually is also a leader in Psych research; never again would I tell anyone to go! Over the years weve had three short stays. The things people see and experience, the things people learn that can be used negatively, its terrifying if a Psych Hospital is your only hope! Dr John needs to be cloned because he's not the norm in the mental health services world at least in my area. The mental health system is a mess.

[@lolaspeakman859]

Man I needed this.

[@TheEquiss]

I do this with a painting class. It’s free and we meet up at my house. It’s not open to the public though because of the location but friends can invite their friends.

[@misstbikini]

I lost my husband suddenly in February, grief is so very hard

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️

[@aprilporter770]

You can’t force a healthy relationship with your kids and their dad. It sucks. Getting out of a relationship and seeing the kids still in it hurts but you cannot make him be a good dad. It’s impossible

[@brandyk]

I really liked his advice to Cassie about having someone make the appointment with her/ for her n go to the appointments with he at least initially. Hopefully she has someone. There not all wonderful these doctors lets be honest. Yes her earlier experience on the psych ward no doubt didn't help but ... Also sometimes people dont go bc they fear hearing bad news. Of course logically this will only increase the chance of bad news when you eventually do go whether months later or years later but its like anu kind of procrastination, there is at least momentary comfort. For me i have found part of my reason for not going to doctors for years was i never felt i was in a good enough place emotionally,finianciao, support wise that i woukd have been able to handle more bad news and jt would lead to suicidal ideation and possibly acting on it again.

[@Mimi-Mimi668]

I grew up with parents that i knew should've divorced, sometimes it's better that way dispite everything we hear and think

[@nikstar1313]

I need this call

[@thermalreboot]

There's a lot of controversy about Men's Sheds in Australia. The initial Men's Sheds was a space where men could spend time and be men. Then women wanted in and many men feel like they've lost their space because they can no longer discuss topics they feel they need to address because those topics may offend women.

[@sawyersprott]

It’s also just different being with other men than with men and women. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s not just not being able to say certain things. It’s rough that we can’t have spaces for ourselves unfortunately.

[@georgieeve2026]

What state are you guys in? I'm in W.A and have never heard of there being women involved in the Mens Sheds aside from helping with deliveries and food. They have recently launched Womens Sheds now too. It's a greatly needed resource for many people. And there's a lot of women who have no interest in the typical womens craft/sewing groups that are available. *edited my comment to correct a spelling error.

[@emmanelson2406]

Women need to start a woman shed club and leave the guys alone

[@thermalreboot]

@@sawyersprott John addresses some of this in this video, men relate better shoulder to shoulder than face to face. This has been well documented. The supposition is that while hunting or in war where you can sit for hours watching and waiting while nothing is happening men will talk and many of these talks will contain vulnerable subject matter. Women on the other hand relate better face to face, they want to see facial expressions, the supposition here is that women have to learn how to interpret what babies need, since babies can't talk women need to interpret facial expressions. Two very different forms and neither men nor women are comfortable with the other. Women also don't understand when men take the piss out of each other. Sometimes it's a sign of affection, others a sign of aggression. Men learn to interpret the difference.

[@eetoved1758]

Wow Delony is not wearing a black shirt today!!! Whaaa?

[@maryjaynes6004]

Grieving can take months to years. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be finished by now. When you lose your Mom it is the final severance of the umbilical cord …. Unknown author .

[@larissagonzales6075]

This episode is gold. The part where she said she was going to put a sticky note to remind her son not to be his Dad is so damaging. Because yes we are half of our parents and we should never feel shame or guilt about this abandonment in this way. My Mom was/is selfish and has made many bad choices. My Dad trashed her as well as everyone else but no one supported her through her issues and that is terrible and bullying. This made it harder for me and closed off in relationships.

[@karenherbert1410]

She didn't say that she was going to put a sticky note up-- she said her son said he wanted to put one up to remind himself.

[@lindamoon4255]

She didn't put the post it's up. Her son did. She was concerned about it.

[@dubiouslyemo]

Bringing back Emo!

[@trxtone7187]

Pass me the miter saw 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

[@rosamoreno4794]

The girl with the food problem was driving me crazy!

[@Gjheexhigddc44]

I’m guessing she is belimic because that is the more shameful one of the two.

[@rosamoreno4794]

@@Gjheexhigddc44 and communication skills are lacking. She has issues and needs therapy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Same

[@aniastelm]

❤❤❤❤

[@Haleh1]

Being scared of doctors is legit.

[@jacosisaba]

Call like these break my heart and make me so mad that we have morons out there saying Covid isn’t real or it’s not that bad just because they haven’t seen it. But there are people loosing family members like this, I can’t imagine how they feel hearing all the nut jobs and their Covid conspiracies.

[@bettybutterbean5759]

Men sheds have been huge in the UK for years. Why is this news to you?!?!?! 🤣

[@marcuslucas6260]

p̷r̷o̷m̷o̷s̷m̷

[@bishdizzle67]

Always one sided coming from the woman. And it may be true but more often than not, women project onto their ex husbands based on their own regrets.