how to overcome struggles, setbacks & challenges | DEEP DIVE (EP. 3): TRAUMA

IG: / rowenatsai | Thank you @audible for sponsoring this video 🫶 New members can try Audible for free. Visit www.audible.com/rowenatsai or text 'rowenatsai' to 500-500 for a free trial 🤓📚🎧✨ If you’ve been following along the past couple of videos, what we’re talking about today is like the gift (or light) at the end of a very, very long tunnel. For as much as I've worked on myself over the years, the sneaking suspicion that I've been throwing myself into work the way I used to preoccupy myself with anything & everything imaginable to avoid actually feeling came true.
This was the very deeply concealed root that I've been trying to unearth for many years now, and it all started bubbling to the surface the last couple of months which has been filled with lots of discomfort, releasing through actually feeling, and connecting with my inner child.
For all my adult life, this is the lightest I've felt. I also learned how to be grateful for all parts of me, even the "shadowy" and "unpleasant" parts, who have tried so hard to protect me since the incident. And for the first time in a very long time, I feel fully alive and ready to take on the road ahead :')
Dearest sweetest potates, healing is possible, and life is absolutely worth living.
Sending all my love ~
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📚 Book recommendations:
╰ The Body Keeps the Score amzn.to/45rBqg2
╰ Man Search for Meaning amzn.to/3PNfQx2
╰ The Power of Now amzn.to/3to7zYK
🎥 Video recommendations:
╰ • 10 lessons I learned i...
╰ • 🌱 How I've Changed & C...
╰ • really, it's okay to n...
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🙃 Don't be a stranger: [e-mail]
📷 Vlog channel: @rowenatoo
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✳️ My favorite daily planning & productivity app: try.sunsama.com/rowena
⛳️ My favorite app for everything else (Notion ❤️): affiliate.notion.so/rowena
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TIMESTAMP:
0:00 Intro
0:21 Embracing "trauma"
1:43 Defining trauma
2:30 How trauma affects our brain, mind, body,
4:26 My past
5:34 📚 The Body Keeps the Score
6:39 01. AWARENESS
7:03 1.1: Thinking ▶️ Feeling
8:57 1.2: Layers to Healing 🎂
10:30 1.3: There's Hope 🫶✨
12:19 02. ACCEPTANCE
13:37 03. SPEND TIME WITH IT
14:13 3.1: Internally Process 🖼️
17:26 3.2: Externally Process 👯‍♀️
21:50 04. REWRITE YOUR STORY
25:19 05. DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN
26:08 Heartuheartu 💕
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✨ If you’re at all curious:
• My spiritual practice, Falun Dafa bit.ly/2z49zqz
• If you're interested in reading more, start with this to get an understanding of what qigong entails bit.ly/2u8DXOC
• The main text we read is Zhuan Falun* bit.ly/2t48xJP
*Best to read start to finish in the shortest time possible for the highest benefit.
• If you want to learn more about Falun Dafa and qigong, check out local contacts in your area - there are practitioners globally and in most big enough-ish cities: bit.ly/2E0PL6S
• My friend Chris over at China Uncensored made an incredibly informative video on what Falun Dafa is and why it's being persecuted in China (YT video): bit.ly/2CR9yZQ
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Video edited by Rowena Tsai
/ rowenatsai
Intro music: chill. by sakura Hz / sakurahertz
Camera & Equipment 🎥:
• Canon point and shoot amzn.to/2ZH8p0Q
• Canon mirrorless amzn.to/3moR07b
• Canon wide-angle lens amzn.to/3kpMinS
• Rode mic attached to mirrorless amzn.to/32yXwQO
• Rode mic for voiceover amzn.to/2FsbwTO
• Manfrotto 3-section tripod amzn.to/2sPRaIu
• Manfrotto mini tripod amzn.to/32BEucD
• Final Cut Pro X

[@hamburgerdeern7338]

Something random that might help: In German the word for "disappoint" is "enttäuschen" which means "de-deceive" ... so actually you stop deceiving other people or yourself each time you disappoint. I think that's a beautiful point view.

[@frances8397]

same thing in spanish

[@CrisTryingToBeProductive]

​@@frances8397cómo es lo mismo?

[@BelIa42]

This actually does help a lot! So thank you for pointing that out. I had similar discovery some time ago about "verrückt" (insane/crazy/mad/...). It is also used for furniture and means "displaced"/ "disturbed"/"moved out of place" in that context and I think that this is a pretty good description for the feelings related to being "verrückt". Your world and view is moved out of place.

[@melissanichole8184]

This is really beautiful, and I'm so grateful that you shared this.

[@jerbear97]

..disillusion?

[@kay-tc6gj]

A few years ago, I would say I became obsessed with self help and self care. I knew every thing there was to know about trauma, how it affects you, how to solve it, etc. Consumeration became normal for me and I lost track of what i was originally trying to do. I treated my brokenness as my personality and the whole point of the learning had become convoluted. A few years pass, new job, new home, new partner, and it all starts coming together with active work. Now I feel repelled by the idea of learning about how to "fix trauma". I think this is my subconscious saying to listen to myself instead of feeding on others and be okay to be more than just the pain. All this time i had been watching your videos and I feel like we've slowly come to understand the same thing. Its okay to learn, and to just be- all at the same time. Thank you for being here. Its been an adventure growing with you Rowena.

[@lulanamey1430]

This video of yours is so important to me😢😢😢 thank you ❤❤❤

[@Aswhatitis]

4:03 “If an organism is stuck is survival mode, its energies are focused on fighting off unseen enemies, which leaves no room for nurture, care, and love. This reduces our ability to imagine, plan, play learn and pay attention to other people’s needs” So true T____T

[@allyson--]

😭😭

[@glizellealderite]

“Move forward only when you are ready” This is so wonderful.

[@brittney3156]

It feels like having a broken leg. Can't ignore it, but it won't last forever if you actually take the time to heal it and move on towards functionality.

[@NiinaO]

I never thought I had trauma. Only about a year ago I realized (at a therapist appointment) that it doesn't need to be one big happening: trauma is also when you live year to year in a state of neglect and fear (my family was fine, I was for example bullied). Now that I am an adult I have also learned things from my parents and grandparents lives that make up for some bad generational trauma. I recognize many things from this video in me: years pushing myself to work more, harder, be better just to be enough and to numb the feelings by thinking. I'll be able to start intense therapy in December this year. I'm determined to unpack so I'll at least break the cycle and don't create a new one.

[@Tomtom12654]

Rowena, we’re so proud of you. It’s so inspiring to see your journey from your first video till now. You’ve truly blossomed into such a beautiful person (and by that I don’t just mean physically). Although we live very different lives, I’m always pleasantly surprised how your messages always hit home and feel like you’ve tailored your content just for me. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Your personal journey and words of wisdom, encouragement, and support are so appreciated and valued. I wish you only continued success and prosperity in whatever you do, or wherever life takes you. ❤

[@virgo_vampire]

i went through a sudden loss as a young barely-adult that absolutely turned my world upside down. i submerged myself in classes and schoolwork to numb the feeling of despair/grief. now at 26 i feel like i am finally starting to heal. it's never too late. witnessing your journey has def helped me tremendously over the years ❤

[@cocohearts9601]

This video came at a right time, it feels very comforting, You feel like an elder sister, Love you

[@SinaLiza]

I lost a loved one 5 years ago in november and I think I only began to realize how much it still affects me last year. When summer ends and it's getting colder it's this time of the year again for me and I start feeling it all. So the timing of this video is.. something else. Thank you for sharing, thank you for your thoughts and tips. Always reminding myself that loss and grief is an experience, that we all collectively share as humans, calms me somehow and makes me feel more connected to the people around me. You're not alone

[@sana-gq2ur]

rowena, you’re an angel that always makes me feel less alone in this world ❤❤

[@user-lt5nq6ip1c]

I just want to reach through the screen and give you the biggest hug! I'm healing my own trauma right now too, and it's no joke. I'm proud of you for tackling it all because it's so easy to just keep numbing yourself.

[@mo0on-ica]

rowena!!! it's been a while since i've watched a video of yours but watching this reminded me again on why i'm subscribed to you and it's because you have such a calm energy and it creates such a safe space for me to just be me :") thank you so much for making this video and tackling this difficult topic

[@elisenordy6535]

I needed to hear this today, struggling with frustration over how long it is taking to process my own trauma. It’s so good to be reminded I’m not alone! I also feel that deep tenderness for humanity and it can be hard to bear at times💜💜💜 Thank you for sharing your journey and being vulnerable, Rowena🥹

[@dulcemonteiro5769]

Big props to this video!!! Thank you so much for this @Rowena Tsai. This video just unlocked some tears that were intoxicating me

[@carolinasantamaria4373]

Rowenaaaa, we are so lucky and privileged that you continuously decide to bring us along your journey- you do such an incredible job of humanizing experiences that we often dehumanize ourselves for (have been battling a deep depression that has me gaslighting myself into thinking I don’t deserve my own kindness and compassion). Thank you for putting yourself out there, for modeling open and honest vulnerability, and for reminding us we are not alone in our struggles to find stability and meaning in life. Have never cried during a KZbin video and felt so accompanied by the human on the other side of the screen ❤ I felt that hug in the warmest and most 21st century way ever 😭

[@NYKIRA]

So many screen hugs throughout this video Rowena because ahh I love this! 🩷 What beauty and wisdom 🩷 Its both overwhelming and heart opening how much our consciousness is trying to protect us. Starting that conversation with self is so key and my heart is with everyone on that journey.

[@pan_munchies]

I lost a loved one just last Thursday and I'm so glad this came across my page. It was like a sign for me to watch it. Thank you so much.

[@Jane_1994]

I needed this video so much. This is such a timely topic for me. I honestly had to stop, rewind, and re-watch because I would start to dissociate while you were talking. It's time to heal 💓

[@Sally20101]

I'm going through a friendship breakup and its severely bad hope watching this you sharing your story makes me feel good thanks row!!..

[@ShubhamKumar-rb6ts]

Love coming from word 'Sweet Potato' never get old❤. Lost my Dad 2year ago effect grief done to person is beyond any physical damage can do. Often watch ur old videos too the love you give in videos is unexpressable. Thankyou for everything .

[@ssaritachann]

because i know a lot of people that have gone thru much worse than i have, ive never accepted the word tramatic to describe the traumatic things in my life. But , over time when i reflect on how those traumatic events have effected me overtime, its hard to deny that they dont still effect me today some how. Its true, the body and mind really do keep score.But thank to finding your videoes at the end of the year last year, ive been able to do a lot of self work and I think ive been able to accept things more since then. Thank you for your videos.

[@MeditationWithAmber]

Your healing journey is a such a privilege to watch and be a part of. Thank you for being so brave. I’m proud of you, too 💖🥹🫶

[@shonna_77]

I love how real and vulnerable you are, Rowena. Thank you for showing up with such integrity.

[@TAHOEkaleidonaut]

39yo here with a Generalized Anxiety, (occasional) Minor Depression, ADHD, C(hildhood/ACES)-PTSD brain. Been subscribed for years… (TLDR for anything after this statement:) I’m very happy & proud of you for your bravery to face your past, pain, & reforming your self worth. Many of us potatoes have tragic backgrounds, & found your channel in hopes of self-improvement &/or improvement of our productivity despite our hardships (OhMyGodzilla, I’ve been trying to learn how to work with the ADHD/C-PTSD since Lockdown/Diagnosis with the help of Mental Health Pros, & it’s a work in progress; though I know my future self will thank my current self for it). You taking on Trauma on your channel absolutely helps end stigma against/erasure of, + brings awareness to Trauma, & Mental Health. Society tends to be enforced by those who are (self or otherwise) deemed “mentally,” & bodily able over those they brand as Other(s), despite globalization & acceptance of many shades/colors/spectrums/continuums of life in this contemporary era. So, thank you so much for making & sharing this video. You’ve no idea how often what seems like ripples at the start may become waves later on. If I could hug you thru the screen, I would.✨💖✨

[@hudaishodu]

Rowena I literally just lost my maternal grandfather (and favorite grandparent) unexpectedly a few days ago. It has been excruciating, but your videos always come at just the right time. Thank you ❤

[@ghoulamorous]

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and lessons learned in your journey. I’ve been on my healing journey for a good handful of years now with the help of the same book and it’s been so positively impactful just as hard and heavy in the times of overwhelm. You broke everything down so beautifully and compassionately. So proud of you in your journey cos it’s not easy! I love your content and this video made me feel less alone in this world. Thank you again. 💕

[@xuanpham7470]

I need this video so much right now. Thank you, Rowena for being an amazing human being! Thank you for sharing all your wisdoms and helping us feel less lonely 🥰 We, sweetest potatoes, love you whole lot too ❤

[@jaimeedecastro4707]

You’re my fave self health KZbin channel! For so many reasons But honestly you come off so genuine. I don’t get that from any other KZbinr and I don’t know why, you’re just my fave Thank you for these videos.. you’re saving my life by sharing about yours❤

[@tshepisophaho9253]

I am still in awe at how I found you 2 years ago at a time when I needed you the most! And how now whenever I feel lost, overwhelmed and anxious about life, I come back to you - every single time! I feel like I know you personally and we are best friends because you really get me and I get you! You should never ever doubt the power of your content - it's helping ME all the way in South Africa. I love you Ro-Ro (that's what I call you in my head as my bestie) LOL and THANK YOU 🤗💗

[@manictitaniumangel]

this is my favorite video of yours! I think you finally cracked the code to healing. thank you for making this.

[@Ph0_Sh0]

Rowena you’ve been in my thoughts. I hope your family and community is safe. I love you thankful that you always ground me and I’m lucky to be alive at the same time as you.

[@jai-bc3vk]

Just 2 minutes in and im already crying… thank you for helping me realize a lot of things 🥺

[@shantilaikatrazo7898]

Thank you for this. It was very comforting and warm to hear your story and all your realization on trauma and presence. Still on my healing era ✨ Virtual hugs to everyone and you Rowena 💗

[@FatemeLife]

In the tapestry of a supportive community, the threads of slow living weave a cozy, comforting embrace around every member ❤❤❤ we are here because of you dear ❤❤❤❤ thank you

[@jaysauer834]

I feel so lucky to be a part of this community on KZbin. Such a wonderful video. I had to pause numerous times to ponder what you said.

[@vicktory214]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us and for saying that you're proud of us! Lol, it did feel icky and unfamiliar but it was exactly what I needed to hear. You truly mean so much to us! God bless you so much ❤❤

[@marikkomariam]

you are a diamond, so strong inside yet so beautiful outside, and able to go through everything.

[@toridirossi1588]

I’m crying, thanks for all Rowena ❤

[@hopesandler1142]

I appreciate all the resources shared along with your disclosure of your personal process. So well done! Thank you!

[@PreetiSharma-nx9pf]

I was thinking about you today.. wanted some kind of motivation which I normally get whenever I watch your videos. Thank you!❤❤

[@mickhaelaaa]

i was crying the whole video. i needed this. thank you

[@user-hr9xy1dk7v]

I don't watch your videos regularly. but in every difficult moment in my life, one of them finds me. so thank u

[@almalara4715]

Thank you so much for all the work hopes and feelings you put in this. Tyty ^^

[@ivanas442]

Thank you for sharing. I didn't realize how much I needed this video as it had me in tears ❤

[@ToniSaintTruth]

URG!!!! I've missed your content so much! So lovely to see your face! Thank you for the refreshing content as always

[@fiveelo246]

Omg I love your new hair!!!!❤ Thanks for today’s video!

[@alin3207]

i like to say i collect trauma like pokémon cards- i’ve been struggling so much recently and this video made feel so seen; im starting emdr soon and i’m equal parts excited and scared- here’s to the unknown! hugs to everyone 🤍

[@Miroirsdivresses]

What you are doing here is important, meaningful and necessary. Thank you ❤

[@IldinaMurni]

Thanks Rowena ❤ no idea how much I needed to hear this

[@rupachemudupathi9569]

You made me realise a lot I mean seriously , I never thought what seed it rooted in me ! 2. Never thought having no frens no social life is sign of trauma 3. Rewritting your story is so cool idea ! Now will answer those questions and pakka will manifest my lil fun activities I want in life !

[@zoerose8458]

Thank you so much Rowena for this video it came at the perfect time in my life ❤

[@agusroldan3069]

love you, thank you so much for this! i added all those books into my reading list 💌

[@j.h.431]

I'm always so happy when I get notified about your new videos 😍

[@samarakaye2573]

I think it's my first time leaving a comment, big sister Rowena. I am 25 now and I have been one of your sister *potato* in the past few years. Honestly, this video made me feel like I was also growing (and not just learning) but living with you. I am amazed how this third dimension (the internet) or realm allowed me to be a witness of your life and how it made me look at mine throughout the years. Seeing this upload, I knew this wouldn't just be a casual watch because watching these videos is like sitting with a friend and seeing them soulfully. It always feel like a vulnerable undressing. Sometimes, I don't find myself ready but I make sure to give myself time.. and it was always worth it. Also.. I don't want always to delay watching it. Years had passed and I am still always excited. 🥰🤧 I won't say it is a pleasure to watch this.. because it is more than that. This was so BEAUTIFUL.. like all others that you create. ✨ I think this is because you say things from your heart and you carefully and lovingly share to us the wisdom you seek for yourself. I couldn't be anymore grateful for your life. 😭 (Writing this sentence got me teary-eyed.) Gosh! Huhuhuhu After watching this video, I looked into myself from a very macro perspective like an astronaut who had flown to space to watch the earth and how it spun in the years. It's like I went into a timelapse of everything. The way how you viewed your life made me examine mine and I've gained now so much appreciation for the life I've lived in the past 8 years. 🔮 I had my own share of stories - ebbs and flows; and it was beautiful how I resonated with yours as an overachiever, trauma survivor, misanthrope and now a loving potato giving virtual and ghost hugs to friends. 🤗 I've also found a wonderful human being for me - a beautiful addition to the life I so mindfully try to create along with cultivating my relationships and purpose. 💖 So again, thank you.. and no matter where you are or you'll be.. I hope you'd continue to pursue a life well-lived that speaks and moves you in wonderful detail of what it means to be truly alive. I love you, too.

[@alegh108]

This was beautiful, thank you for sharing ❤

[@elizabethvenegas5590]

Thank you, Row! Sending you a hug 🥰

[@agnesskibicka]

@elizabethvenegas, Hello 👋 from Poland 🇵🇱 and my channel 😊!

[@PetDKK]

You are glowing!! You look so good Rowena ❤❤

[@MyraHart1943]

I felt that hug. Thank you ❤

[@mckenziereneeyt]

ngl, hugged my screen both times....def needed this video

[@IzzleAsher]

thank you for sharing this, ro 💙

[@surigaononinoslo]

I can super relate to everything you mentioned about procrastination.

[@shahreenhossain518]

I love you Rowena!❤

[@marzettik]

Thanks for sharing your feels. ❤

[@vanessamendoza7777]

rowena always somehow knows just what to post whenever i’m attempting to delve into those matters personally *chefs kiss*

[@linusspiegel7470]

Man I would like to hug her, that video is a hurtful but nescessary lesson about mental health

[@mskelakili]

the hair is sooo youuuu!

[@elizabethg5447]

Thank you for sharing. ❤

[@TBIJourney]

As i come to the end of the video I cant help sitting here so so so heavy. The amount of gunk that came up from this video is shocking. I had no idea simple question could make a person feel this way. "Why?" Was used often and my mind naturally answered them. Now i just feel terrible 😔....im going to go work on myself now **Your loved one would be proud of you doing such good. I would have never found these traumatic events if not for this video

[@rachellebejec1909]

I love you Rowena! your words mean so much to me, amazing how I feel you are just infront me, you give me so much energy :)))

[@IzzleAsher]

love ur new hair!

[@gagalgou]

thank you so much < 3

[@KemiNaturally]

Oh you got bangs! I like it! It's so cute!

[@sane8D]

I relate to you Rowena so much. I think we are so alike. I also have some traumatic events in my past, for example, my fathers sudden death. Every traumatic event we carry with ourselves, and we need to resolve it, or put some work to it. It can be through many ways, for example, yoga. I also wanna read the book you are talking about :)

[@boomboom1258]

Instant click right away - I am still carrying baggage from a long time ago to this day and I didn't realise until earlier. It ran so deep that it went to few places in my life - roots of the issues.

[@Clarinalein]

Thanks for the video ❤ just a little note for the fellow sweetest potatos, there are awesome and helpful coaches out there, but as there is no institutions etc in comparison to certified therapists it can also include really toxic abusive people being coaches. Just be really really cautious when giving yourself into the hands of a coach & listen to your gut. There are some examples of coaches retraumitizing you. Just do not put all eggs in one basket ❤

[@rowena]

agree 100%! I worked with an executive / leadership coach who was amazing and came highly recommended by my partner & cousin. just like with anything in life, take the time to properly vet any therapists & coaches to see if they’re the right fit for you, and know you can respectfully leave at anytime 😊

[@ariellekerns4134]

This hair style is SERVINGGGG

[@j.h.431]

Can you link the lamp or whatever creates the nice light in the background? Looks super beautiful and cozy!

[@joyfullencounters]

this video is ❤️

[@Jollybean97]

Love your hairstyle!

[@ellelee9723]

Your haircut looks amazing btw

[@jerbear97]

bangs!

[@TransmissionsfromNaboo]

Eckhart Tolle and Marcus Aurelius were the beginnings of my reading journey (read back to back). I guess Rowena and I have common interests. You know, one of the reasons I think people flee from the idea of trauma is that people have a bad attitude about matter. People think: if my experience is determined by a bunch of chemicals in my brain, that makes life meaningless because, after all, chemicals are made up of atoms, which are meaningless bits of stuff. To which I say in response: if atoms can build so many things that are more than the sum of their little bits, how can they possibly be meaningless?

[@Zoupie]

I lost my mum at 16 and I thought I was doing well until I was 24 when I completely broke down

[@rfanord83]

What do you mean by coach? Is this an emotional coach or other coach and how do you find one?

[@marquisdehoto1638]

I feel like we need more words for the different kind of traumas there are. It is a difference if you experienced trauma from war, physical abuse.... if you dealing with generational trauma or if you for example your parents didn't care for you emotional like they should have. the second and third are real as well.... but so different you can't really describe them in the same word. I hope you can understand my point. English isn't my first language.

[@marissalee2080]

Today is my birthday and I spent the first half crying for the people of ISREAL and Palestine….All of them…Because there’s so much pain causing more and more pain. People losing their babies. Friends. Parents. Loved ones. They all matter and that’s all I can think of today. I hurt for humanity too.

[@YumeKazeFairy]

I come from a family who doesn't express out loud their love and emotions, although we somewhat express them through actions. This has led me to being uncomfortable with talking about my hurt and weaknesses, or even reacting to others' emotions (ie not being able to tell someone I love them, even through text). Internalizing so much takes a toll on the body, but being open with others is really hard. You are so brave for doing this video ❤

[@TransmissionsfromNaboo]

My KZbin channel may not have existed without Rowena's encouragement...or at least, it would have taken far longer to materialize. xD

[@Saltyflor]

🦋

[@prince.c8458]

🙏

[@luce.ruffato]

to everyone who's reading: i love you

[@hamidamondoma6773]

!!!!!

[@user-luka]

hi

[@mewmew6158]

💗💙🧡💛💕

[@daediaz186]

You probably wont see this message, but I am really interested in how you became so succesful - with a big home in NYC. What do you do? i think most of us would apprecciate tips to be better professionals and have a better pay

[@gelilizarondo5901]

These insights are healing.🩵

[@blooming_lounge]

A topic I think you’ll find really interesting to research and learn about is IFS (Internal Family Systems) and parts work. I’ve found it really helpful for understanding myself and my trauma better. And it’s made shadow work more effective for me!🩷 love your videos, thank you for doing what you do!!