How to Remain Calm With People

Remaining calm around people who annoy us is one of the great life skills. It’s also a teachable and learnable skill.
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FURTHER READING
"One of the most fundamental paths to calm is the power to hold on, even in very challenging situations, to a distinction between what someone does - and what they meant to do....."
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[@charfiomar3487]

"move from anger to pity" Amen.

[@nishashafi8246]

Amen...

[@visvamitra3580]

does not work when your spouse cheats repeatedly...

[@spiritualkid722]

to love essentially

[@7stargeneraldipshitdeturd529]

Or see yourself and your own mistakes in them and realize you shouldn't judge too harshly👍

[@KurtWitowski]

“Would it be possible for you to hate your brother if you were like him? Could you attack him if you realized you journey with him, to a goal that is the same? Would you not help him reach it in every way you could, if his attainment of it were perceived as yours?” T-24.I.6:1-3

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

One of my favorite tricks when dealing with other people who are in a rush is to imagine they have to poop. That way I don't get annoyed when they cut in front of me in line or scurry around me like it's the end of the world. Nope...they just have to poop! I go from feeling unnerved to laughing.

[@GospelOfTimothy]

Somebody cut in line at the welfare office and everyone was angry until I said, "the mentally challenged get to go first"

[@Uruk02]

Skinheads

[@sbqntlyawake3813]

Nice!

[@suchetagw]

Best comment ever

[@cuteasduck6192]

Drink Your Nail Polish that’s my mantra for coping with anger now😂

[@NancySolariLivingFullOut]

Remaining clam is a skill, it does not come natural, and that is why for the people who know how to remain clam in stressful situations, it is a good thing to look up to them, ask them for advice, and model their behaviors. When you remain calm, you are allowing yourself to be two steps ahead of anger. When we are clam, we can live full out and achieve our best possible version of ourselves!

[@Cynthia-Landers]

@Nancy Solari Sounds lovely, but what if I want to be oyster?

[@C6_LPZ]

@@Cynthia-Landers good one lol

[@crematedcohen7495]

Unless your goku

[@sybelle_esta_no_telhado_ad5040]

When we're clam...?

[@xora7490]

@@sybelle_esta_no_telhado_ad5040 calm...

[@banuchandar4860]

This voice makes me calm down!

[@scottschnatzmeyer85]

I'm losing my head and this helped

[@alexiscohen2866]

It’s annoying tbh

[@ye1729]

It's annoying asf

[@jeremygreer4039]

Shut up! You’re a bad person!

[@banuchandar4860]

Annoyed people, please watch this kzbin.info/www/bejne/mqaTZGiqnJKGrbs

[@condorboss3339]

Some people are just inconsiderate. The point is not to assume that you are their _special_ target.

[@analuciadionisio1252]

Yes, the only thing is saying is don't make a scene, don't feel bad it's not towards you

[@becker2278]

Condor Boss what about the other side? (Those who try to harm or aggravate you and your beloved ones intentionally. ) how do you deal with those?

[@becker2278]

milk 고양이 right. When your family and beloved are involved into the situation things get even more relevant.

[@Marqan]

How does that make it better though? If someone hates me without action that doesn't affect me at all.. However causing me discomfort affects me negatively, regardless of our relationship ortheir opinoin of me.

[@Nattisu]

This definitely is why I am so mean even tho I want mean to be. It’s like an instinct is to be mean and defensive

[@awsomebot1]

Just for the record; folks, do not go to people who are aggressive towards you and say "I know you are hurt". Do it subliminally. Saying something like "I know you are hurt" might be understood as "I pity you", which is not a good thing to say to people who are aggressive towards you.

[@SpadesHeart]

it is akin to the common and somewhat sarcastic retort to aggressive behavior, "Who hurt you?" haha

[@MrJakeolin]

How does this gel with customer service training that tells you the best way to defuse an aggressive person is to name their emotion. its a little like using a break in hypnosis and causes internal dissonance. it gives you enough time to interject reason. However if they just continue to be aggressive it is safe to assume that they are not simple upset by something else, but really do have a problem with you personally. We cannot at all time assume ourselves to be blameless

[@awsomebot1]

MrJakeolin I think (and this is my personal opinion, I'm not qualified to make factual statements about this) naming the emotion is different that trying to name the cause of the emotion. When you say something like "Sir, you are getting angry", it's different than saying "Sir, I understand you are angry because you've had a rough time recently". On the former case, you talk about something that the other person is clearing showing you. That is his emotions. He wants you to see his/her emotions. So it's okay if you react to that and state the obvious. And sometimes stating the obvious will help. On the latter case, you are talking about something which the other person hasn't told you about, and probably would never tell you about. So in other words, you're assuming something about their personal life, which can get someone really angry.

[@MrJakeolin]

awsomebot1 I understand what you say, and you are right that there is a difference. in saying to someone, you're getting angry rather than saying you're angry because.... that is presumptuous, and I agree that it would probably make the person angrier, it would I. However, and perhaps I am starting from an opposite entry point, the statement was about not being presumptuous in your approach, whereas my approach give an option to int eject and confront in a relatively benign manner. Lets note, that the vodeo does not suggest that every person who does these thing has been hurt, it also suggest that a person may not have slept well. unless may latter case applies, in which case you have bigger problems. :)

[@AngieMartine23]

So basically if I feel upset about someone actions towards me, just assume their life sucks. Got it!!

[@craynesl1657]

I agree but I don't agree. Once you realize that the person is intolerable, you need to cut the interaction out of your life. Don't hate them, don't pity them, just don't care.

[@angelsangels8583]

Basically. Just shun them. If you can.. Being wise/cautious is better than borderline tolerant. Audhu billah.

[@shh11111]

Its my mom, she always finds a ways to make my life miserable, and also pursues my dad to do so

[@shh11111]

@Brian Holtzman thank you friend, that means a lot. Take care. For your relief i will add that things are getting better, but still there are tantrums here and there, its like god is testing my limits and i am working towards success. Thank you again for your kind words, may god bless you, have a good life :)

[@NoriNori1]

ش حسين I’m literally reading this because my mom is the same exact way smh

[@NoriNori1]

And I also feel like God is testing me. I hope things have gotten better for you

[@iAmTheSquidThing]

This is much like the adage known as Hanlon's Razor, which goes "Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity."

[@Bikewithlove]

Thank you Andy, that's one for the toolbox :)

[@LSbremen]

I love this quote! So true! People usually aren't mean... just idiots! :D

[@juanthejuan9850]

Aristotle said it: People are not evil by nature, just ignorant...

[@AprilSunshine]

LOL I like that!

[@Teez_well]

This 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@bolivar1789]

A friend of mine in Turkey who had been tortured as a political prisoner, one day saw the policeman who tortured him on the street . He said he followed him for a while on that very crowded place in Istanbul. At the beginning he was very close, he could even see how the man held the hand of his girlfriend, but then as they got out of his sight, he changed his mind . He didn't run after them...So I asked him what he wanted to do with the guy if he got him... He could, understandably, beat the hell out of him, or at least, shout out loud what a psychopath he was, for that girlfriend to know. But he told me: - I was only going to ask: "Why did you do it?". It broke my heart to hear this. ..But he seemed so calm, so noble. I have no idea, how a person can preserve such a virtue after all that he had gone through. May be people who suffer the unimaginable find an equanimity in themselves we cannot even imagine. They become so "human" that they can't be otherwise. I had the same feeling watching the entire documentary " The Look of Silence" by Joshua Oppenheimer. That young man who goes from one place to the other, visiting the ( unpunished) murders of his brother, asking "why" in the most gentle, noble, human way you can imagine... Of course this video is about smaller things in life that make us angry, but I wanted to give these extreme examples, just for us to remember how human beings are indeed capable of "keeping calm" even in the face of the worst atrocities and injustices...We must learn from them. I also agree with the point about our self hatred. Lacan says that the Christian injunction " love thy neighbor as thyself" must be ironic, because people hate themselves! On an interview with Paul Holdengräber, Elisabeth Gilbert said something very beautiful about this. She said that we all want to be good and kind in this world. And indeed we have a great opportunity at hand: since we have ourselves 24 hours available, the best way to really "practise" this sort of kindness is to start with ourselves! It is very true: the closer you come to yourself and the better you understand yourself, the more "connected" you feel to others and the more compassionate you become.

[@Bikewithlove]

Lua, if I could be granted one wish it would be to be sitting with you at an outside café table in Venice, talking about this. What a great conversation we could have. I haven't experienced what your friend did, but I've had some experiences with bad people. When you suffer the violence of narcissists over your lifetime, you learn how to leave them completely alone and to treat yourself with great kindness. There is no alternative. This is because nothing is gained by retaliating against a person who is evil. Such people had survived their horrible childhoods by deciding inside of themselves when they were babies that other people are things to be controlled. They were on the dark path since infancy, which is something that no compassionate person can win against, nor should we want to. The need to 'win' against anyone is only the domain of the narcissist. Supportiveness is more in line with human nature, but narcissists are incapable of conceding wrongdoing. Whenever confronted, the narcissist will always win. Your friend knew his abuser well, and he knew that any further contact would re-open the wounds and create even more trouble for himself while his abuser will masterfully spin it in their favor and win. Your friend also knew not to horrify you with what he learned, because you will most likely never need to deal with what he did, and he doesn't want to frighten you. Two movies you might want to see are "The Marathon Man" and Polanski's "Death and the maiden." They address this sort of thing. It's a big human problem, which unfortunately this KZbin video does not address appropriately.

[@rosewater94]

This is a beautiful story. This friend of yours is a true gentleman. I wish I could have someone around me with this kind of personality. Is it okay for me to use your story for a post I write on Facebook?

[@bolivar1789]

Hello there Bikewithlove! Thanks a lot fro reading my comment and for such a friendly message. If I was in Venice I would definitely have a coffee with you:-) You are right. People's cruelty have its roots mainly in their childhood. So unless they are willing to confess and improve there is no way you can deal with them. Thanks a lot for reminding me of those two great movies. I have seen them, but they are worth watching again too. I remembered a speech by Desmon Tutu, where he gave " Death and the Maiden" as an example. He reminded us that the woman in the movie let the torturer go, only after he confessed what he did. It is so important. Personally, it would not be possible for me to forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness. You may have a "need" to understand how they ended up the way they are, but you don't have to force yourself to love or forgive these people. Not looking for revenge should be enough. Once again thanks a lot for your message. Best wishes!

[@bolivar1789]

Hello Rosewater! Thank you very much for reading. Of course you can use this story. The more we share valuable stories the better. I send you my best wishes and hope you'll have a wonderful week:-)

[@rosewater94]

***** Thanx luv, :)

[@psi_lucid]

“Move from anger to pity” I pity the fool that makes me angry 😤

[@raiden4239]

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool that's so good

[@Onlinesully]

Or just be compassionate or loving towards them, if not possible verbally, then express it within.

[@Onlinesully]

syllirabbit Ah I get you now. No need to google it. I watched it as s kid and remember his catch phrase now.

[@Onlinesully]

syllirabbit I've not smiled since losing my family partner child and livelihood and then collapsing into total mental breakdown

[@Onlinesully]

syllirabbit Yeah I need someone to talk to

[@porshprix4286]

It's kind of hard to use or remember this when your dealing with maniputive and potentially violent psychopaths.

[@canalfloravida]

Absolutely, the best chance for me would be just, wall away from people like that

[@SuperReyand]

@@canalfloravida SOmetimes it is a hard task, when you have toxic collegue or ex-partner with child. But it is always better to remain calm, even if irritated by that person. I don´t agree with the philosophy of the french guy that we must embrace them and spread love. I think it is useful to be stay calm and step ahead in difficult situations. Not because i should love that toxic jerk i am dealing with, but love myself and support myself.

[@sannedeheer2120]

no its not. They cant help that they are born this way. Usually people like that are very unhappy, lonely and insecure. They may have twisted minds but thats not their fault. (how they choose to deal with it is) They wont be able to experience so many things because of their psychological issues. The life of a psychopath is usually very sad and depressing. A good trick that i learned when i get to know people is just to accept thats who they are. I learn peoples patterns and their motives, because thats more dependable than anything anyone can say, if you look at people like that,their behaviour will become very logical and dependable. The downside is also that people will become boring and predictable very quickly, but oh well everything has its downsides i guess

[@porshprix4286]

@@sannedeheer2120 stay safe.

[@professorbaxtercarelessdre1075]

@@SuperReyand indeed. its kinda flawed thinking no one is evil, the trick is more about realizing even if they are, there's no point letting them get to you, at least not so personally. we need a sort of calm rage when dealing with assholes, be upset by what they do, but don't become irrationally angry

[@ashleyashley6396]

WHY IS THIS RECOMMENDED TO ME SO MUCH I AM CALM

[@ythsh]

fuckboys everywhere

[@giovannigreco3659]

My boy Dale putting in that work like he is on overtime

[@soslothful]

Wow.

[@ashleyashley6396]

i watched the video and it was actually pretty good lol

[@jessieessex]

Maybe because you write in all caps?

[@o0buonanotte0o]

This video alone made me much calmer than I was before. Your content is really refreshing.

[@aimanzainal4802]

:) me too!

[@ishma2100]

I agree. great comment

[@johnnull5315]

Don''t listen to the panda rap song or you might get angry again.

[@chamamwanga144]

same here. very calming after having a fight with my girlfriend

[@johnnull5315]

Chama Mwanga Who won? Did she kicked your ass huh? LOL just kidding. Well you should stop having premarital sex and get married and start reading the bible together. If that doesn't help nothing will.

[@bvespertine]

"If you go through life looking for evidence that you don't belong, you will always find it." - Brene Brown One of my all-time favourite quotes.

[@Onlinesully]

It's very difficult feeling that way.

[@queserasera2118]

I couldnt get it fully. Can you elaborate with eg?

[@bvespertine]

Most of life is in our minds, and our thoughts are not necessarily true. For example, if you think you're unattractive, you will always find "evidence" that it's true. You look at a woman and she looks away, your mind says, "See? I am unattractive, that's proof." Meanwhile all she did was look away, which could be for many reasons.

[@queserasera2118]

@@bvespertine thanks....nice explanation

[@savb6924]

I'm loving the message in this video. Lately I've been adopting a philosophy of meeting people where they are at. I abide by my personal set of morals and boundaries, but I go about setting them differently with each person I encounter. Depending on the person I may change my tone, body language, and the amount of detail I use to communicate my point. No two people are the same, therefore treating them as if they were only makes life harder on you.

[@m7g497]

👏

[@Firmus777]

I don't care what your motives or intentions are, I don't care if there is a pin or not, I don't care if you're a good or a bad person, if you annoy me I will be annoyed.

[@maxcohen13]

Neither does pity. I may understand _why_ the man in front of me at the movie theater chose to wear a large hat and block my view, but it won't solve my initial problem of not being able to see the film.

[@MasterofFace]

+The School of Life I understand that it doesn't help to be angry, but pity is not the solution you so quickly jumped towards. Pity is an emotional response as much as anger. Humans hate when you pity them more than when you yell at them. I tend to forgive and forget, not for the wellbeing of others but for my own interests in remaining happy-go-lucky all day.

[@Firmus777]

***** No, both scenarios could be true, it doesn't matter what the person was thinking, what matters is is that you got barged. It would even be annoying if it was done by a robot. You get annoyed when you slip or walk into something or when you drop something, don't you? Yet there are no people to have vicious motives in those situations. Other people are not what makes people angry, occurrences are.

[@AppleJuicePacks]

its ok to be annoyed, its not ok to feel anger and pain over something that simple, this is just about not taking things personally and understand that people are mean out of weakness, not strength.

[@fou-luthedragonemperor8648]

But it will help you not feel offended personally, so that anger doesn't makes you kill the guy and instead go for more reasonable ways to ask him to take his hat off. Eventually, sure, knock his hat off, but it's easier to just tell him "ey mate, take yer hat off" or something.

[@MissyMona]

You really can't practice this to much without expending a lot of energy to do so. After years and years of trying to be understanding of other peoples problems to avoid harming and stay calm it begins to become a process of putting others over yourself. You can only justify the actions of others for so long before you realize many wont give you the same benefit of the doubt.

[@goodytwoshoes2390]

I don't see it as putting others over myself. The title of the video is a clearly selfish reason for trying to understand their motives. This could help me achieve peace of mind!

[@thenellierose]

Yes, I consider it emotional labor and to delve it out to people who require it continually without reciprocation or consciousness is self-abuse. I don't pity anyone nor do I desire anyone's pity. I like to be accountable and consider it a mark of respect to have the expectation of that flow both ways. If the relationship doesn't reflect that for whatever reason, well, that's what boundaries are for. Over time, setting those boundaries while remaining calm has become easier. Pity, to me, denotes a sense of superiority and a denial of that person's ability to overcome their challenges. Compassion is a better term, I think, because it acknowledges the difficulty in resolving our issues while still honoring that person's inherent capacity for growth (whether or not they ever achieve it).

[@cwager]

I agree. In my experience, I have learned that being in Los Angeles, a larger percent of people will not give you the benefit of the doubt, or courteousness/politeness/manners so after time and time again of giving this to others, you wear out your will, in my opinion. If you have no-one giving you that same politeness, then I have to be selfish. I started judging, automatic stereotypes build. I believe this is natural response to splintering/social atomization of people in a large city. In a situation that I gauge as 'charged', I choose to avoid it. This is not a popular opinion and may be seen as (insert **IST or **ISM) but I do not apologize for this.

[@stzlys]

I realise I used to find every possible way to understand the root of cause. Indirectly you just put others over yourself to a point that you start doubting and exhausted.

[@stzlys]

@@cwager I definitely agree with you to a certain point. It seemed like we or I used to have all these expectations of people treating you the same way, eg: return of politeness, etc. Out of the intention of being kind and ended up you became a doormats.

[@refaelnaibaho5252]

Move anger to pity. Great lesson. Thank you.

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

This was helpful. My mother thinks that everyone is out to get her and she feels like she has to control her surroundings, because of this she is also very aggressive towards me. I know she has anxiety but it is very hurtful when she targets me. I didn't realize it, but she probably does hate herself. Keeping this in mind can help me take appropriate steps to calming her down when she gets hyper and/or giving me the grace to withhold my anger and preserve my peace. Thank you 😊

[@TrollinJoker]

"At the airport" "I don't care" :D

[@jacobross2815]

LOL

[@jobroray]

Ikr

[@edwinlopez1535]

I like "I don't care"

[@ChuckNorris-gw2wh]

WAIT WHAT IF THE PERSONS PARTNER WAS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR... WHAT SORT OF SORCERY AND INCEPTION IS THIS??? I KNEW IT FUCKING ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED.

[@elizabethmackay972]

:)

[@jaggers_090]

how to remain calm with people: dont be with people

[@giovannifrrri5495]

Add2 yeah, stay alone, people still make fun of you because of that...or that's just my case

[@AlphaRJ6]

@@giovannifrrri5495 stay away from everybody. Still i have a bad day bcz somebody gonna say something insulting to me everyday

[@deltron4608]

wut if u spilled ur own piss jar all over the carpet of someone else's household

[@karlbrunoabenojar4342]

Saw this last year. Tried it since then. It didn't work. I'm still angry now and I don't wanna talk to my loved ones for the moment. At some point people have to be aware of what they're doing and correct it themselves. Finding excuses for them all the time only makes you feel heavier and at fault for everything.

[@chrisfuentes5801]

Yikes but 4 years ago? Time must have healed u by now

[@VilleGardian]

Yikes....he isn't the only one

[@CMARIEViolin]

Rather than “pity” exchange it with “empathy” instead

[@ailinsol6407]

yes! EMPATHY that's the word! that's what is lacking in the world.

[@thoughtaddict2739]

@@ailinsol6407 Yes, but than you imagine the pain they feel and you feel that pain as a result. Empathy isn't always the answer. Just saying.

[@spencexxx]

The other day (pandemic time) a man told his daughter that my mother was stupid because she was wearing a mask (as is REQUIRED in shops). She didn't react to his bait, but there's no point trying to empathize with a person who is an asshole. So she pitied him and pitied his poor kid for having a lousy dad.

[@_chapternumberone_8782]

@@spencexxx I agree!! how can people be so careless?? i mean its a freaking PANDEMIC...if you wear a mask you protect yourself and other people...you‘re rather dumb if you don‘t wear one...

[@Onlinesully]

that makes a lot of sense

[@Terrr05]

I have no problem with staying calm with people. I have a problem with losing my temper with people. For some reason I can't do it. I hate it.

[@carlosrivera8313]

Feel you man. Frustrating af.

[@jimmuncy5636]

You're starting to piss me off.

[@happytx1860]

I understand. Anger is an easy emotion for me. I would rather feel anger than hurt. Anger feels more powerful. Thanks

[@kao5789]

Isn't that a good thing? I think it is. People who lose their temper easily usually find themselves in a deeper ditch than before. Even if it blows off steam in the moment (and yeah it does feel good to do that-but it's temporary), it's rare for any improvements in the situation to come out of it. Being calm is a way better solution in the long run even if it means having to tolerate people's crap. Although I think being assertive and setting strong boundaries is the best solution for people who give too much crap.

[@happytx1860]

k_0590 It depends on how you use your anger. Sometimes it justified. Maybe you need to set boundaries I think it's worse to stuff anger. Thanks

[@Dantick09]

I don't think people are naturally mean, just stupid

[@Ketraar]

well "mean" is a social definition and hardly "natural" as in biological. We are hunter-gatherers at the core social structure was achieved and constructed, not born. So people are neither naturally mean nor empathic, they grown into it.

[@thatlimabeanbitch_]

I was just curious if you have a certain story behind this statement, because I do agree with it sometimes?

[@thatlimabeanbitch_]

+Ketraar Hello, just wondering where you learned that(polite) was it philosophy or science or something you may just believe in general?

[@bowilliam3865]

replace stupid with oblivious and I agree

[@stephaniezee9704]

+Patricia Lynn I forgot where I read it from but kindness or being mean doesnt really exist its something we evolved into thinking because of society and what not. In nature you dont find kindness and if you do , it's out of benefit for the individual or the whole population as a whole

[@pamelapap]

Pearls of wisdom. I tried this towards my husband, works great. I have become much more patient. Compassion towards others is actually compassion towards ourselves. Life is hard enough why make it worse by assuming the worst....

[@farzanayesmen5337]

Wow thanks for writing this comment. Liked your words

[@pretty948]

Me watching this on lockdown so I can deal with my siblings 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😂

[@wyndie]

"The less we like ourselves, the more we appear in our own eyes as really rather plausible targets for mockery and harm." I've definitely seen progression in my attitude towards life and others as I've gain more peace and maturity in my life.

[@MyplayLists4Y2Y]

I agree that people's motivations can often be different than their actions would indicate, but this video seems a bit assumptive and reductive. Sometimes people are assholes, period.

[@fou-luthedragonemperor8648]

But why they're assholes is the questions the video ask people to ask in order to not lose calm. Sure, you don't have to be kind to them, but to remain calm, you just have to remind yourself he has an issue and you shouldn't take it as if he necessarily has something against you: he's jsut an asshole to everybody for some reason, and that day he crossed roads with you.

[@fou-luthedragonemperor8648]

Saying that "Sometimes people are assholes, period.", as if you were saying that assholes are assholes because they're assholes is assumptive and reductive too. You don't make a judge of value commiting the error you're judging mate, you just make yourself look like an hypocrite.

[@abcdefghijkl140]

People are rarely assholes for the sake of it. Everyone has some sort of rationale or masked motivation for the way they act, and everyone has precursors which make up their impulses. To be honest, I think simply saying "people are just assholes" is actually somewhat lazy, because it's easier for us to say that our enemies are merely inferior and to continue hating them, than it is for us to try to use reason and understand them.

[@MyplayLists4Y2Y]

YOU SAID: "But why they're assholes is the questions the video ask people to ask..." REPLY: The video is assumptive and reductive because it doesn't ask that question, the video states what it says the answer is: self hatred. Are there reasons motivating mean, etc. behaviors? Sure, but self hatred is only one reason of many reasons (i.e. greed, lust, jealousy, power, control, etc.)

[@fou-luthedragonemperor8648]

***** First: Self-hatred in the video is used as a reason why one would believe another person has an agenda against oneself, the reason why one would believe one is the "target of mockery and harm", when it's not necessarily true. This has psychological sustain, so it isn't an assumption, but an aseveration made under reasonable arguments. You've misinterpreted it's usage too, believing they used it on another part of their argument. Second: The video used the "pin" philosophy to exemplify it's point: find the reason that makes the other act irritantly. Those reasons include those that you stated (greed, lust, self hatred, etc), so your point was already in the video, therefore is already not reductive, as it implies those elements you claim have been taken out due to reduction. Third: Even if the video only defines one of the reasons of why people can act irritably , that doesn't invalidate it point: it only means the video gave one example out of many. So yeah, you misinterpreted the use of the term Self-Hatred in the video. Wanna try to debunk more of my arguments, or you just wanted to sharpshoot that part of it?

[@brendanvega-shoemaker6438]

So true, being chained by past patterns of self doubt and hatred is hard. Love that this is on KZbin and open. So frank and non-judgmental.

[@lorenzoangeles8807]

“How to remain calm” *remove the person from “your personal existence” (you’re imagination)*

[@enki647]

Legend has it that if you comment early enough, Alain will reply to you.

[@Vanalovan]

Holy shit, I was rolling my eyes until I saw the response

[@mrbunnylovespancake1]

+The School of Life it's the legendary super saiyan!

[@bobbagao8534]

Omfg...

[@enki647]

***** What?

[@TrustYouMe]

What if it actually is deliberate?

[@TheOscar060493]

Then it's time for you to do something petty.

[@ishma2100]

remember , people go through things in their life that caused them to react or behave badly. We need to all learn how to heal ourselves and not hold the wrong doing of others over us.

[@dropj3]

laughter, forgiveness and realize that it's there own day they are fucking up. don't let their behavior fuckup your own mood our behavior.. it's a useless waste of energy And yea.. if it's really necessary, defend yourself.

[@carolinarey8945]

When all that did not work: "call the police." works like a charm! ;)

[@noncanadian]

u wot m9

[@jaylaperez2376]

I lose my temper very fast especially at school.this year I wanted to be nicer to everyone even people who have hurt me with small words.this is going to be hard because of the type of people I’m surrounded by.

[@TheNat2341]

Just keep trying and hopefully you will get better

[@Onlinesully]

Jayla, for your own self please do everything to overcome this. everything that you can think of. Read about it as much as you can. The fact that you're aware of it is of huge help. It's something that you need to get on top of. I found it happening to me in my late twenties and then seemed to get worse and worse and caused terrible damage.

[@joeyvieira9618]

This guys voice I need it in my life. It is like a warm hug.

[@lacylamere9717]

I'm not sure I like the word pity ....more like move from anger to compassion

[@klaviergavin5401]

Pity is much more sincere. You can't have compassion that easily.

[@yurigirl9378]

@@klaviergavin5401 Your picture....... it's- IT'S FABULOUS

[@alexandertheamerican9663]

FBI 😂 so much pity right there

[@DunkleCheese]

FBI Now, that is a different story, has anything made you like that? Were you angry at someone?

[@darrenpat182]

Move from anger to acceptance. Just walk away

[@dorianweng8903]

This is actually the goal of education -- those educated should be able to learn and understand how to think.

[@nikodix]

often it's this kind of information that a formal education fails to supply us with. Only experience can truly teach us these things

Totally agree :)

[@LM-ow2vc]

Even more important: to understand how to feel, about oneself and the Other

[@mkanar2]

+1 for your country. In the US public school system that I attended not only did we not learn any of this, but we were also subject to many teachers that flat out didn't like us, some of them literally screaming at us. Kids elevated themselves by pushing others down. Teachers observed kids getting bullied and pretended they didn't see it. I'm sure that not all schools here are so bad, but politics and the NEA refuse the fundamental and immediate change that is so needed. And I suppose that most parents think their children should be educated the way they were educated.

Flying in Space :(

[@cuckoosnest4150]

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" The Golden Rule!

[@eduardochavacano]

the golden rule has long been altered. Who has the gold rules.

[@maryama.2835]

This is extreamly correct! Whenever I get over people hurting me I start to pity them indeliberately. Psychology is awesome!

[@Squidward_Tikiland]

"hating yourself" and being used to poor treatment are very different things. one who loves himself can be very accustomed to poor treatment

[@stephenbrowne4726]

it's a matter of perspective. if you loved yourself then you wouldn't be so aware or so troubled by the treatment of others

[@savanatang1193]

@MyssPersnickety1 how TF do you suppose to love yourself

[@zin82e98]

If you allow mistreatment, deep inside you don’t love yourself. And hating yourself happens from implanted thoughts from others that you adopted as your own. So in order to love yourself, unlearn all the criticisms and shame people told you you are.

[@Squidward_Tikiland]

The body and mind don’t work that way. Aversion is a physical thing having to do with memory. It physically seizes your body. Yes, even yours. Am I strong somtimes? Yes. Do I demand that of others or tell them they don’t love themselves because they possess aversions? Absolutely not. You all have aversions. Do you hate yourself because you would cower from a vicious dog? Or a thug?

[@Squidward_Tikiland]

This is part of our culture. Upholding the thug over his prey, lest you fall victim too

[@XrosM]

I remember someone spilt coffee on my art piece that I spent 5 hours on, I was like whatever, it's not like they meant it.

[@dunsparcedm43]

Good on ya

[@miguelparedes2819]

That's amazing patience and compassion right there! I wouldn't have been to remain so calm about it.

[@7lawaneeena]

Is this sarcasm

[@CarasGaladhon]

You will be a good mom or dad

[@electron2601]

That would be a tough one for me!

[@Faazzz]

This channel really is profound. Thank you so much for this 🙏

[@s.l.e.e.p.y.h.e.a.d]

These videos never cease to help me dig into my own feelings and see how much i can relate to

[@superstarpyromusic]

I need this video im a 13 yr old boy who just cant take the people in my school acting stupid and are too much drama

[@theschooloflifetv]

Thanks for watching and good luck with school.

[@angelstarfire]

Same here

[@hanna_swede]

NecroFire567 I would've needed this video when I was your age. Oh well, better late than never :). Good luck with school. Don't let people dictate who you should be.

[@hpnvrm9506]

Same

[@justblaze1656]

Everyone in the 8th grade are arrogant pricks but alot of girls like that i guess

[@OjukwuIsaac]

Seek understanding. It talks alot about that in Proverbs! A wise man seeks understanding!

[@Onlinesully]

That's a better way of putting it. To try and understand things.

[@annies3184]

This is exactly what I needed tonight. I'm glad I landed on this video.

[@ebetpinakbet4674]

"move from anger to pity" my quote of the day and forever :)

[@UndeadKIRA]

this is one part of myself i dont have to get better at, im happy and proud i dont get mad at meaningless things

[@maxcoseti]

Good, do you want a medal for that? or maybe a badge?

[@scotty15002]

What wrong maxcoseti? Where's the pin?

[@UndeadKIRA]

maxcoseti danm buddy, you might want to re watch the video

[@maxcoseti]

Jak Vokun-Sos You both attributed malice to my comment, should *I* rewatch the video? Or should you?

[@UndeadKIRA]

maxcoseti what did you mean by it then? was it sarcastic or ironic?

[@andremuniz6623]

These videos are so useful for our day to day lives, seriously, everybody with a KZbin account should be subscribed to this channel.

[@amandascott2705]

I'm always telling people this, especially my kids at work! INTENT IS EVERYTHING ☺️

[@amyj.4992]

My ESA registered cats, taught me this exact parenting skill. They are just babies, love them as they are with loving support and kindness. Just how my parents did their best with me. They gave me the gift of empathy, and I find joy in sharing peace with others. You never know what anyone is quietly enduring

[@BoriGiovanni]

Probably the hardest thing to do in today society.

[@TheSnorlax7]

Agreed, you're pretty much 'paid' to deal with people, rather than for the work itself. XD

[@Manx123]

Probably the hardest thing is to survive as a sex slave or have physically abusive parents as a child, but not getting angry when people inconvenience you is pretty high up there.

[@deadlyassasin714]

How do you deal with people that want to make you angry?

[@deadlyassasin714]

I honestly hate people who do this.

[@yomomshouse100]

Forgive and overlook

[@deadlyassasin714]

+8 Ball I can not forgive since it doesn't stop

[@deadlyassasin714]

+Colorful Chloe The stupid part about this, is that it's my brother, It's been like this for nearly 10 years and we share a room. What I want most is to never see him again. I know it's bad and not normal at all but I don't see it ever changing.

[@mustardpikachu3597]

Simply don't get angry when others try to make you angry. Once they see nothing is happening they'll stop or find a new method but if you don't show weakness they'll eventually stop. And when is someone close to you like your brother you can have a talk with him about this issue and what's causing this. If he doesn't want to talk about it or doesn't listen to you then you should involve your parents or guardians.

[@evac8029]

this brought tears to my eyes. wow. it explains all my pain so well.

[@carlo6870]

I always get angry for the smallest things but I'm working on it. Thank you for this video.

[@karunayoungs5917]

Very very good. The "pin" that is behind when people do difficult things to us. We are all trying to escape our suffering and often we only make matters worse. The self-hatred that leads us to think that others will target us. Always on our guard. Brilliant. However, at the end you say "move from anger to pity." I am not sure what you mean by pity but I would prefer moving from anger to compassion or empathy or love or kindness. To me, pity implies a superior attitude towards others and this will block empathy and closeness. Pity reinforces our fixed self-view as being a superior sort of person. Compassion sees that the other person is also in a lot of hidden or not so hidden pain and we know how that feels because we are often hurting and scared too. The other person has probably got a lot of self-hatred too. Love KJ

[@riteasrain]

People getting in front of you in line is a bad example, it's not something to be excused. They need to be told because they could, shock horror, learn something. Not all people behave badly because of something that happened in childhood; they just plain haven't been taught.

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

Maybe they have to poop? I use that idea when ppl race by me and I basically end up laughing at them. Also, I've been in that position where I was in a rush because I had to use the bathroom. So I'm just paying it forward.

[@ameennasar2583]

Being calm doesn't mean you can't take action. Calmly point out their mistake and make them change.

[@pulledtrigger]

Last week at in n out the cashier lady told me to wait for a sec, I stand by on the side nd no one's behind me. A boy comes up running to order, then there is a lady worker behind him he moves aside for her n she thanked him, that small common courtesy from a child made me look away and brighten me up. And that beautiful worker I never asked out gazed at me and smiled behind the counter. Tl;Dr if it wasn't for that kid she wouldn't have acknowledged my presence. But you are right in 90% of this case

[@redtobertshateshandles]

I was behind a woman and male in a queue. The man walked away, then the woman moved away with her trolley to look at something on the side. I moved up, then the male comes back and complained that I pushed in..

[@FRanger92]

Thank you for this. I've learned so much from your videos. You must be a great guy. I know I have improved myself just from watching your videos.

[@ran88888]

From anger to pity. That's the point, thanks!

[@nervengewitter]

I once read somewhere "We judge ourselves by our intentions, but others by their actions". This simple quote stuck with me. I make a conscious effort to try and understand other people and their (oftentimes understandable) motives before being angry at them. I might still not like them and choose to avoid them, but I remain mostly unaffected by their behavior. I learned to let go of small annoyances, which has made me a calmer person overall.

[@Mirgeee]

Isn't pitying others like this haughty and condescending?

[@bobpolo2964]

I was just thinking that after he said that last sentence. From anger to compassion okay, but pity?

[@riser9644]

I think so to , I feel understanding and maybe (if u can lol ) forgiveness is better

[@vankai6817]

I think there's different kinds of pity

[@fou-luthedragonemperor8648]

sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, or misfortune of another From www.dictionary.com/browse/pity Even if the rest of the definition say that if often leads to acts that could be haughty and condescending, as long as you don't allow the feeling to make you act in that way, for the intentions of not offending, it's okay to feel pity.

[@bobpolo2964]

yeah but shouldn't pity be reserved for particular circumstances, I mean, pity can't be the general neutralizer, right? Peacemaker would be more general

[@rawheadrex]

So true and yet sometimes completely impossible .

[@christinejessica9057]

This is one of the most helpful videos I have ever seen. I always come back to this. Thank you very much for making this video.

[@WILD__THINGS]

Some good points, but it's not always malevolent intent that angers or frustrates me. If a waiter spills a glass of wine on me because he was busy chatting with his coworker instead of paying attention to his surroundings, I realize he didn't mean to spill that glass on me but he was being careless, which would make me angry. If a woman is blocking the entrance to a store because she is stopped in place and texting on her phone, I realize she isn't intentionally blocking the entrance, but she is being self absorbed, which would make me angry. If there are 3 slices of pizza left at the buffet and the guy in front of me takes all 3, I know he didn't do that to spite me, but he is being selfish, which would make me angry. In any of those cases, upon realizing what they have done, those people may apologize and insure me it was not on purpose. I would realize that it was and feel that the socially appropriate thing to do would be to say "it's alright", but inside I would still be upset.

[@sirenachantal471]

It may help if you remember the times when you made a mistake, were distracted, or were desperately hungry. You could think in a different and proactive way - tap the waiter's shoulder - yell "Sorry! Coming through! - tell the buffet staff that the pizza supply is getting low. You may not be *as* upset.

[@WILD__THINGS]

Ariel Johnson No I would never be so careless as to think that joking around with a coworker was more important than being careful with a glass of wine. I would never be so selfish as to take too much of something that other people may want. I'm a very selfless person who is always looking out for and being considerate of others. That's why it bothers me when people act like the world revolves around them.

[@sirenachantal471]

If these are examples of different people in solitary incidents, then that's just being human. If all of these examples are the behavior of one person, then yeah, maybe you're right & they have enough issues to cut them out of your life.

[@WILD__THINGS]

Ariel Johnson I don't buy that. Again, I would never be so careless or selfish. That's bullshit behavior.

[@AloisMahdal]

"I'm a very selfless person who is always looking out for and being considerate of others." -- but are you? I mean not personally; is even mortal human capable of that? In all aspects life of responsible citizen? A different way I like to look at it: If tomorrow, magically, every single person in the world had changed inside exactly the way I wanted them, would I even see the difference? One part of me keeps having all these hard feelings and agitations and angers, but then I remember about the above question, and other part of me says, "well, the difference would be way smaller than you think". Not that it prevents me from getting angered/agitated/... (and thus failing to handle those situations) again and again, but at least it keeps some faith in humanity in me.

[@Kotobukicho]

Find the pin and then what? Pull it like a grenade?

[@obsideonyx7604]

No, grab Thor's hammer, summon lightning and hammer the pin down.

[@Kotobukicho]

I like it. The fact is that there is a lot we can learn to just ignore. Somebody's wife just died, he's acting out...ignore it. But there are plenty of sociopaths in the world who are just looking to poke people with feelings. I elbowed one the other day. Saw her coming a mile away. She and her husband were dressed alike, but just a little differently to complement each other. When the train came, she tried to cut in front of me in line. I just knew it, because I'm often the target. So I elbowed her out of the way, but she still cut in front of all the people behind me. Nonetheless, I understand the message that annoyance is only hurting ourselves. Like a sour stomach causes ulcers. Still funny comment about Thor's hammer though. ;)

[@Hip.Username]

You're often the target? The video addressed that mentality, that it stems from self-hatred. People are careless/jerks to everyone and anyone, not just you, not mostly you. Do not take it personally. The fancy matching couple had no problems cutting in line right behind you, screwing everyone behind you over. They hand out the screwings to any and all.

[@Kotobukicho]

Hm! I'm just seeing Squidgy's comment for the first time now, and responding to HipUsername next para. You're right about the damage getting riled up causes--then again, I wrote that comment before the US pres was elected--just sayin' ;) Hipster, I've really been giving some thought to the self-hatred thing lately. I never thought I endured that, but I realize I do. As for being a target, there were some reasons they picked me. I was the only foreigner there. I have a slight build. If they hadn't gotten behind me instead, they would have had to wait for everyone--go to the end of the line. They took advantage of the culture. It's a trigger for me because it reminds me of my biomom--greedy sociopath. We take it from the bullies, and laud them. I think that's how T became pres. Still, you're right. Nevertheless, I think I love myself more than I love those people and I'm clean out of patience for being pushed around. (I stopped subscribing to this channel when they made a video about how soothing it can be to take dick pics, but I got your comment anyway. Thanks.)

[@lalboimanlun1230]

If you find the Pin. That means you understand his/her sufferings or reasons(good or bad) for doing what he/she is doing. And once you understand, you will be able to approach it in a more calm and mannered way.

[@gear3tv787]

I listen to this every single day and it makes a difference in my attitude

[@minianoiz6492]

Thank you, just THANK YOU! 💕

[@alexandermillar1202]

Sure there's pity, but there's also justice. Surely the advice is not to just put up with bad people because they have issues of their own. I have issues too and i'm not bad to them. If someone treats you unfairly, anger is not always a bad impulse. It can be a 'righteous' anger that achieves justice, or at the very least clarification. The real sign of self-hatred would be to ignore your own rights and assume that the other person had good reasons to do you harm. Obviously I wouldnt advocate any form of violent response, but I think Christ was instructive here when he advised to 'turn the other cheek'. That is, if you're slapped by someone, instead of fleeing or fighting back, compose yourself and find the courage to get up and defiantly offer them another swing. Break the cycle of violence by mirroring their violence back to them. Channel your anger into a brave and assertive non-violence. Again, this might be more easily said, but I think the power of it comes from a clear understanding that it is the soul, not the body, that is the most important thing. Your own spiritual purity etc is more important than your physical well-being.

[@Bikewithlove]

You're right, this video is oversimplified, and in my opinion, wrong. Staying calm in adversity is something a person has to be trained how to do in order to channel their anger into techniques that will benefit them while giving little or no opportunity for the abuser to gain satisfaction from their victim. It takes training to become invulnerable to abusers while preserving one's identity. I used to evaluate myself in terms of marriage, job, home, kids, etc. until I learned that I'd much rather have the ability to detect a narcissist in less than 30 seconds than have anything else, because you can have all those things but if you're vulnerable to abusive people you'll lose all of it.

[@alexandermillar1202]

Bikewithlove I hear you. It's a really important life skill which isnt well taught (certainly not by this video). Increasing social isolation must play a role in this - not being exposed to the rough and tumble of a variety of characters, but insulated in a very small world of 'safe' people. But that whole world is threatened when a monster person crashes through, say at work. Ive seen people reduced to rubble over harsh/personal/emotionally violent words suddenly and sharply inflicted by a sociopath. It's laughably inadequate to advise such victims to somehow find 'pity' for their attackers. Rather, the skills of giving as good as you get, of knowing your own worth and being confident in defending it, of not politely giving ground to narcissists who start slowly testing your defences and pushing you further - these are things i'd be interested in. Because my opinion is that most people's problem isnt in keeping calm when under perceived threat - it's actually in getting angry in the first place and being roused into defending themselves. The subject of good anger deserves exploration.

[@Bikewithlove]

+Alexander Millar - A person who acts out harshly and violently, yelling at people to make them feel small, like the kind of person you experienced in the workplace, is more likely a narcissistic bully - not a sociopath - who is projecting onto others their own unbearably bad self-opinion. A sociopath usually stays very cool while systematically undermining others because other peoples's suffering makes them feel the same warm-fuzzy that we feel when we've helped others. Sociopaths are complicated people with a lot of reversed wires in their brain who's modus operandi is based in betrayal. In the movie "Adaptation," there's a brief moment where a dinner guest makes a keen observation that the orchid thief's missing front teeth seems sociopathic, because it comes off more like a provocation than an oversight. With this distinction, it then becomes clear that Hillary Clinton is more on the sociopathic side of the spectrum, while Donald Trump leans more toward being a narcissistic bully.

[@lambusaab]

Alexander Millar Good one

[@bluewavesoverfuji]

"Break the cycle of violence by mirroring their violence back to them. Channel your anger into a brave and assertive non-violence." very well said :) I find this is the best way to highlight someones foolishness and it effectively converts lead into gold, a true alchemy.

[@nirvanakamala2809]

Oh childhood ... I barely remember mine and yet it has formed me more than anything

[@flipside6938]

That's exactly what my manager used to say when I was working as a contact center operator. It was surprising to see her dealing so well with some really nasty sounding customers.

[@jspin6871]

Sincerely, thank you. Something I know, but need constant reminding of, and I stumbled upon it at the best of times. Life changing, this.

[@wasgehtabs]

0:39 This made me feel so bad, aw. I love the animations on this channel. There are so unique animation styles and they're special and so powerfull, especially in combination with the voice and the written script, woah. I don't know when I found this channel - should be a few or more months - but I'm so happy that I've found this channel. Have a great day, dear reader and channel owner(s) etc.

[@antoneliasson9592]

+Benjamin Pequeno (The Grand Wizard) Shh don't question it

[@antoneliasson9592]

+Benjamin Pequeno (The Grand Wizard) I said silence you bitch

[@wasgehtabs]

This escalated quickly.

[@juliusfinkas]

+Azumr those videos really make you positive don't they? Well thanks, even though I'm late to the game :D BTW clever name, although it would seem like a negative title to possess :D

[@wasgehtabs]

juliusfinkas They do, yes haha. No problem!

[@doggzeddrk2642]

Step 1. Take emergency vodka from your pocket and down it.

[@andremuniz6623]

+Dutch Girl repeat step 1 until the situation is bearable.

[@skunkberg1]

step 2, repeat step 1 step 3 profit?

[@northernstar1127]

step 3. Profit :D

[@doggzeddrk2642]

***** its a loop. Step two is repeat step one.

[@anybody2501]

Step 3. ??? Step 4. Profit

[@thismodeleatsalot]

I feel like each video I watch from these guys is a free, much-needed therapy session

[@faizaasif266]

This video is eye opening, and it reflects me so much.

[@BGamerStudios]

Is the volume super quiet or is just me?

[@minecrafterselite1]

super quiet

[@padraicloingsigh421]

It's just you.

[@calvinrivera8423]

it is pretty low

[@josephj714]

It's very loud. Clean out yer speakers, or your ears...

[@juliusfinkas]

+Joseph J do you use an amplifier? or have i been trolled?

[@Mr.Oct___]

I prefer the word compassion over pity... This video is very useful.

[@jordanjb8712]

These videos...are...slowly changing...my life

[@avnash09]

If you can listen to this without any thoughts in your head, you have something incredible within you!

[@coeurdelion8517]

This video is a masterpiece

[@tirthpatel1562]

the last sentence isnt exactly what you should do once you get into a habit of pitying others narcissism enters and theres a giant burst of ego so life is more about the equilibrium between self loathing and empathy

[@673497]

Tirth Patel Emotional Intelligence ftw.

[@tesspulido]

I think the video means pity as in benevolent compassion rather than smug condescension.

[@kimdanielle14]

I needed this for 2021.

[@slavabeider3567]

1 month with my parents quarantine , this what I was finally looking for..

[@KayKashi]

No...some times I just get agitated...I don't think the world is out to get me.

[@himiranda123]

Me too

[@suesheification]

I just hate everyone

[@kehr2019]

It's all right guys 🖖🏼 🖕🏼

[@LambertBowden56]

It could be WORSE.

[@juliusfinkas]

+S Delligatti Well live long and go fuck yourself am I right?

[@DrivingOnWires]

Someone taught me to manage road rage by imagining that every driver that cuts me off or won't let me in their lane, has a bad case of diarrhea and is in a hurry for a bathroom.

[@Gumbier_Than]

That's good stuff. I'm constantly getting pissed about that, mostly because they don't signal.

[@uncigirl]

This is one of the best advices ever, i work with people where i have to interact with them for 10+ min and this is very helpful, thank you.

[@hhsrrrr]

I really like this, and agree with Nancy Solari that this is a skill acquired with patience.

[@mr.mohagany8555]

It relieves stress to "pick on" someone, at least according to a video from Robert Sapolsky I watched. It might help keep your sanity to imagine people who hurt you as being in pain themselves....but it's probably not factually true. Levels of cortisol and other stress hormones have been shown to decrease after apes bully or somehow insult another. It's not that self-hate causes us to interpret things as being against us, but that self-hate makes us good, soft targets for those who need a walking punching bag to let off a little steam. Sure, try to understand someone's intentions, but if you get a whiff of intentional malice, hit back hard (metaphorically, mostly).

[@SquareSquidStudios]

Unfortunately the worst internet trolls spontaneously combust when shown pity... So apparently there is no hope for them~

[@Lumen_571]

Yup

[@Lumen_571]

+LimitedInfinity hope in general just doesn't exist lol

[@charlotteKILLS]

I shit you not, I once showed pity to an internet troll and told him that I hope whatever troubles him will soon subside, and he said sorry and stopped trolling. I have no idea if he actually meant it when he said sorry, but he at least stopped harassing people in that thread. It was truly a bizarre day.

[@fereshtehamrollahi9980]

Move from anger to pity. That was a great advice. Thank you

[@sehrishjabbar4321]

I'll surely try... thank you

[@Terebithia]

I feel like the reason I feel the need to immediately defend myself on anything is bc I don’t have parents that will defend me or themselves but I do need to calm down sometimes

[@professorbaxtercarelessdre1075]

it certainly doesn't help one's ability to remain calm and in control if they feel like no one is truly there for them. even the people i do have in my life, which is very, very few, don't always see my side of things, and that makes it hard. we all need people we can fully trust in life

[@whistlingk9833]

Shocking to look inside one's self.

[@frankyavery]

I've always imagined the pin since I was kid. I definitely have a lot more patience than the average person because of it but the other side of the pendulum is to make sure you aren't constantly making excuses for people to the point where you don't put your need first. The middle ground is important.

[@69LOLIN]

Need to watch this everyday!

[@gracekamau5098]

This is the best video I've watched on the topic of anger! I never thought of it like that, so true and accurate. Thanks for sharing :-)

[@jiminstinyhands7776]

tbh thinking this way would probably make me angrier

[@wellesradio]

That's like saying lifting weights and doing exercise will only result in a hernia and torn ligaments.

[@soslothful]

But it is true. Working out is a manifestation of insanity.

[@TheJediSlayer7]

At first we would do it because it seemed the right and mature thing to do. After awhile, it might become second nature to turn the other cheek; however, after awhile we would expect in return the same behavior for which we ourselves exfoliate in such situations, but the inevitable outcome from others will almost always be that of disappointment. Our expectations don't align with reality and therefore, in the end, we only become more bitter. Top comment from awesomebot1 says not to be forward in saying such things like, "I know you are hurting," but unless one's expectations are nothing from someone else in such situations, the appropriate thing to do is to call someone out on their bullshit in private, preferably.

[@Manx123]

Edited

[@jiminstinyhands7776]

um.....who is you talking to

[@themoon2236]

Thank you so much for this video!!

[@vahidjoudakian8649]

Your channel is the best ! thank you so much for the perfect videos.