How To Survive Living With An Alcoholic | Part 1: Trapped

Join Grace's mailing list gracechatting.com/sign-up/
Join the Rebuild Your Life online group: / 246674359121347
Work with Grace: app.paperbell.com/checkout/pa...
If you enjoyed this video, and would like to see similar and helpful content, subscribe to Grace Chatting's KZbin Channel.
Contact Grace via email [e-mail] or visit www.gracechatting.com
Are you feeling trapped in an unhappy relationship? Have you given up hope that things will ever improve? Is your partner's alcohol use increasing?
Grace Chatting introduces a series of videos discussing what to do if you are the partner of an Alcoholic. If you have recently ended a relationship and you are serious about rebuilding your life, join Grace's Closed Facebook Group Rebuild Your Life, and get some group support.

[@GraceChatting]

If you are determined to rebuild your life please join my Facebook group, "Rebuild Your Life" It is a closed group.

[@toppertruthio]

How about saying he or she grace,some of us men out here are living with female alcoholics.Its no different.Everything you said was spot on though.

[@CM-jk5tf]

Its pure torcher living with an alcoholic!! I feel exhausted because I am chasing him to do the right thing.

[@BABiiB420]

Same here. 😞

[@CM-jk5tf]

@@BABiiB420 :(

[@vickygreenhalgh9283]

I agree it's a lonely life living with them

[@jennifermarie1230]

Same

[@jennifermarie1230]

@@vickygreenhalgh9283 so lonely

[@himalayanarts2711]

I am living with an alcoholic husband for 30 years + . I am 60 years now . It is of and on . When he is not drinking I am in heaven but on the fear don’t know when he’ll get drunk, I never know.

[@TheSLK1973]

Just perfect timing....ended the relationship yesterday after he shouted at me in front of his children..... Lucky escape.... Just said goodbye and off I went.... Thank God, we didn't get married...

[@shadrach6299]

My sister used to drive to a town every Sunday to buy alcohol for her alcoholic husband to keep him from driving the car. She was afraid he would wreck the car. So sad!

[@CPeetG]

Wow! She hit the nail on the head. I’ve been dealing with my alcoholic husband for 7 years and I’m just now looking for help and calling Al-anon today.

[@TiffanyWestNyc]

He’s not gonna change

[@wilwad]

My stepdad was an alcoholic. He would beat up my mom. We had a bad childhood. My mom never walked away. They never do. Fast forward years later: I got engaged to a woman that turned out to be an alcoholic. She hid it well during the early months of our relationship. We have a daughter now. But we had a lot of problems as she used to come home late, while I took care of our daughter. Lots of fights. I finally kicked her out of the house & started raising my daughter alone. She did not deserve all the fights. I do not want her to join that cycle. We agreed the child would visit her for weekends as we are now living in different towns. Last year 2017, she sent me a text saying the child would not be coming back. She would be living with her grandmother. Wow. Long story short: you cannot save alcoholics, get the hell out. Walk away. Do not subject your kids to a toxic alcohol life. No one deserves that shit.

[@karynsuepohlmeier2109]

So heartbreaking!! I hope you're able to get your daughter back with you!

[@jaenmwa161]

Am in this situation with my boyfriend we have kid together and he always drinking everyday I dont work am feeling helplessly he said he want us to get married but I dont want my daughter growing thro this relationship pls help am so sad always crying

[@yudelleanlisatajirikenyana4519]

Sorry you went through that

[@noeleen743]

True

[@noeleen743]

u have to find work, get an education and do as much as u can to empower yrself.

[@brady3xox]

I asked my husband to move out and find his own place a week and a half ago. I broke down this past Monday. I probably cried 20 times that day. I was deeply grieving the loss of my 8 year relationship with my sweet husband. I love him, but I choose to no longer betray myself to being second to his alcohol and video game addiction. Now that I have embraced the pain, talked to counselors, friends, and family, my mind has become more clear and I can see that this is the right choice. I feel peace. He is an amazing person, and would give the shirt off of his back to anyone. We have shared many great memories together, and that is what has made this difficult. But I remind myself, "Don't forget about the grief in transitions. Even when those transitions are objectively good, we're always leaving something behind. Be careful that you don't confuse your grief as an indicator that the transition is wrong."- Vienna Pharaon

[@GraceChatting]

Brady, This might be a good time to join my closed Facebook group Rebuild Your Life. Wishing you well in your transition. It won't always be like this. x

[@barbaraleszczynski2214]

Oh my...my heart is with you. You are not at fault....the demonic presence of alcoholism has touched your life. I pray that your issue will be resolved soon by the grace of God. Many Blessings are in my prayers for you! I too am in a relationship with an alcoholic in which the situation is getting worse and worse. I am holding off for now....but will need to do something very soon! I hope that I will have the presence to take the right step very soon! Hopefully, by the time you read this...it will not have been too late! God bless!

[@TiffanyWestNyc]

Omg yes I am going through the same thing right now and my husband is the same way. But I know it’s time to say goodbye to him and put myself first. Thanks for sharing

[@susettesantiago5509]

They cannot help destroy you as well………….it’s best that they feel independent and have their space so they can drink and play videos or whatever it is that they burn off the alcohol…………..but know that when they stay you are still alone…………..and their health will get worse until they may or may not know who you are when all is said and done………….it’s not because you do not love them…………lord knows I love him still after a year he passed away…………but my son and I dealt with the situation for fifteen years………….it was the most painful thing we have done as a family…………..it’s not your choice really………..they are killing themselves and you think this is news to them so you keep saying that they just have to stop somehow…………but they don’t………if you stay it’s pain if you go it’s pain………..but at least if you go you can start to heal somehow…………..

[@brady3xox]

Two years later, I can say that leaving the situation and the marriage was the best decision since he did not want to seek help for his addiction. I am so so so so happy in my life now, although there was a long transition to get here. I had a lot of healing to do for at least a good year.

[@judycanaday4264]

You mean to tell me, it's taken me 37 years of dealing with this, to finally hear this!! I just never understood.... till now. Aloha from Hawaii 😢

[@Armyoftherians]

I am kicking myself after 9 years together with my alcoholic bf and 3 kids. It's good we're getting the message!

[@Angie-GoneSoon]

My husband has been drinking since around 2010, or 2012... not sure.. he only drinks beer, and at home.. so anywhere we go, he wants to hurry up and get home so he can drink.. he doesn't say that.. he says he's tired, or he has to work the next day.. I've tried to get him involved in things, and people, but he refuses.. he just wants to stay home and get drunk.. he doesn't drink and drive.. he gets his brother to bring him more beer.. it's always late at night, when he thinks I'm asleep.. but he's been seen.. he lies, and hides his beer.. We have started to grow apart.. I'm sitting here getting old, waiting for him to stop.. He probably won't.. and I've decided to leave.

[@veganvikingmama]

you have just described my life for the past 2 years. I am officially living with an alcoholic and yes, I have been feeling so trapped and I just couldn't understand what was going on. Thank you for making this video, I think I now know what I need to do.

[@nicoleyoung9359]

I have watched my boyfriend have s seizure from alcohol and he still drinks. I am so scared for his life but I think I have to walk away. But I love him and he's become my best friend. I know I'll miss him. I think about sharing things with him when something happens. I left my neglectful husband for him. I saw his alcohol issue about the 3rd day in. But he was in a really bad spot in his life so I chalked it up to that. But in the back of my mind I was scared that it was going to be a bad situation whether he was in a good spot or not. It has been over a year and I have been through scary times with him. I have tried to be supportive and I've also left several times. I moved into my own place so I had a safe place. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about his alcoholism and the word "drunk" is permanently stuck in my vocabulary. I need the strength to leave and I don't know how. This is the first time I've lived on my own and despite 50/50 custody of my 2 kids, I still feel alone. I think the worst part is that when he's sober, he is my ideal partner and I've never felt more loved, safe, special, or connected with anyone. I hope these videos can help me because I can't keep doing this with him.

[@renaekay5396]

I married my husband in March, it has suddenly dawned on me that he has an alcohol problem. Thank you for these pointers. I definitely feel very trapped and angry right now.

[@grind-n-find214]

I married 3 years ago and have had 2 kids since then. Talk about feeling trapped.

[@yudelleanlisatajirikenyana4519]

Just me we're on same boat

[@ramblingruthie7602]

23 years and 2 boys that are 20 and 21. I think I may have subconsciously stayed until my children were older but I really don't know. I left him once for 4 months and my stupid azz came back the minute he cried his eyes out and said he would do anything to not loose me. I am stronger now bc now I know that I can leave again. it is so painful and difficult to stay and to say goodbye. I am so depressed. Everything you said in your video is the truth. thank you. prayers welcome here 🙏 ❤

[@szatkown]

@@ramblingruthie7602 I left 12/2012 and returned 6 months later. Kicking myself too.

[@neurologicalworms]

@@grind-n-find214 THIS is my situation right now!!!! I need help and I don't know what to do. Did you find a way ?? I'd love to hear...

[@motordar]

I see a lot of women are commenting, but a woman drunk is terrible to live with

[@goldsteinist]

NW CHICAGO SUBURBS alcoholism is ugly no matter which gender involved... sadly women are weaker physically therefore probably more comments are here from women who have been assaulted by drunk men. Men are commenting much less about their feelings. It does not wipes out the fact that drunk females are abusive too.

[@AmandaaLove]

Any alcoholic is hard af to deal with

[@digitalT83]

Yep, I live in a shared house and wherever she goes she complains about others all the while she sits around watching tv all day with a vile stench of urine and alcohol emanating from her, she thinks no one know's that she drinks its so obvious she's just in another dimension, stay clear. I just wish she would move out instead of thinking she's got everyone fooled.

[@Kiki-yw9kc]

The reason why women are commenting is because the statistics are along higher of alcoholic men so the probability of woman sharing her situation is much higher than a man.

[@karynsuepohlmeier2109]

I've been with my husband 25 years and I have become disabled due to spinal issues....I do receive disability but it's not enough to pay for me to get my own apartment....so, I am dependent upon him. His is a severe alcoholic and just received his 4th OWI but since it had been a number of years since he received his first 3 OWI'S, the court system starts counting over. He's become terrible and terrifying to deal with. He drinks vodka and I mean a LOT...not just a fifth....he'll drink a full handle in one day and become black out drunk. Our house has been destroyed due to his behavior while drinking. He's torn the shower out of the wall...that was 4 1/2 years ago and has never been fixed, he falls into closet doors so every closet door in my house is completely broken. I could go on forever. I don't know what to do....I have 2 puppers that I would never leave with him...they're my dogs. I don't where to turn, where to get help but somehow, I need to figure out how to get away from him.

[@GraceChatting]

Karen, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am in the UK and not familiar with how social services operate in your country. There is somethink here about if you had known how bad it was going to get, you might have left years ago, and realistically, you don't know how much worse it's going to get, so for sure, you need to come up with a plan. Can you contact an online Al-Anon group?

[@karynsuepohlmeier2109]

@@GraceChatting Thank you for your response! Yes, I just found out about Al-Anon and will reach out to them. It's been bad for a long time but over the past 5 years it has gotten so much worse...I never dreamt my life would be like this! Thank you so much for your video's!!

[@johnmachesky4185]

Hi Rocco, I'm there with you, with a alcoholic wife, life is total hell, the verbal and fiscal.never ends and the blameshift is unreal.

[@debbiehaley-bc3zc]

I am living with an alcoholic husband for48 years & I am at my wits end I feel that I personally have changed in a negative way

[@patriziarosi]

Thanks for this video. The solution is letting go. They have to hit rock bottom and that what I did. Not in a relationship with an alcoholic. Period... manipulation stealing lies there is no way you can ever trust that person again. Just let it go. Just go on with your life. Time is the most precious thing we have and spending it on an alcoholic it’s not worthy.

[@neurologicalworms]

I am emotionally figuring out how to do this..to let go. Figuring out how to physically leave Is the next step. I don't know how to emotionally accept and make peace at all

[@javeriaqureshi9540]

what to do when kids are involved ??

[@neshamahaviva8847]

I watched this whole series yesterday and I'm watching it again today. Thank you so much, Grace. For the first time in 25 years I feel hopeful. There is so much I didn't know about myself! I just want to cry. Thank you so much!

[@MaryJohnson-vf9uz]

Neshamah Aviva , yes! I agree! Thank you so much Grace!

[@GraceChatting]

I'm so glad you have found them helpful Neshamah. Do joing the closed Facebook group "Rebuild Your Life" for more support. :)

[@bethwroten8324]

My husband drinks more in secret.. hiding his bottles in the house... It has been hell and trying to make decisions

[@urvashipatel5214]

Its an emotional roller coaster but if this person is defecating or urinating and you are the one cleaning you will find a way OUT. After 6 yrs i find a way out...

[@goukhanakul]

Im a 36 yr old man living with an abusive alcoholic. I’m listening to your video while being verbally abused by my fiancé who on her 2nd bottle of wine in a 3 hour period. 3 days ago I was burnt with cigarettes, punched, slapped, having my hair pulled, my clothes torn and ripped and verbally abused untill I told the neighbors to call the police when I’d had enough. I’m trying my best to stay positive but I’m so over it.

[@Mixedfairydust]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm praying for you..

[@empanadascamotes4674]

Please tell us you have left the relationship. Get out!

[@carolina_grace5721]

I'm listening to this very loudly while myndrunk is walking around angry when he hears the truth... I'm laughing inside so hard.... he wants me to "get the eff out" nkw.... hahahahaha

[@kathybutler9717]

What do you do when they won't leave you alone while drinking. Trying to aggravate and argue

[@CPeetG]

I deal with that too. I’ve had to lock myself in the bathroom and put a doorstop in so he couldn’t unlock the door and get it. One time I had to push a piece of furniture up against the door and he still kicked it in.

[@MandyGood]

I go in my car and watch the security cameras till he goes to sleep and than go back inside

[@melg3356]

Grace just described how my husband acts exactly. About not wanting to leave get togethers, keeps talking and drinking. Then mine gets angry with me for no reason, creates jealously. Even when I don't talk and look at men. I only talk to other mothers. I do end up feeling trapped and scared. I've been very co-dependent unfortunately. He got to the point after a few months together where I couldn't have friends. No social media, which was ok by me. I just felt that I wanted to keep him calm and for him to trust me. But I shouldn't have allowed that much control. Cause now I can't even go to a store. Over the past 3 yrs his drinking has gotten worse. He constantly verbally abuses me, threatening comments for no reason. I have 3 kids and at time we feel we are walking on eggshells when he's home. We can't discuss money in front of him. He thinks my child support money is his only to keep. To control me from saving and moving on from him. I got pregnant after one month of being with him. He tried to get me pregnant to trap me and it worked. I have felt so scared, disrespected and I feel trapped. He also does cocaine heavily from what his friends have told me. So he doesn't come home on the weekends. It could be Thursday and Saturday nights he doesn't come home. Then a random Tuesday. I've caught him calling woman from sex ads. I installed a spy app a few times. Would call these women and tell them not to go to him. This was after I had my son, just came home from the hospital. I was so depressed and hurt. It was very hard for me. I couldn't just leave him and become homeless. I thought he would stop after a year but never did. He is worse and still doing all these things. He has been more violent with holding items to my body ready to stab me. I grew stronger and have been telling him to leave. He use to be the one threatening to leave me. But now that he sees I'm not going along scared and crying. I'm telling him to leave and that I deserve a good husband and dependable father for my children. He makes good money but spends it all on drugs, alcohol, hotels and buying women. I want to do an intervention but scared to waste time and money on him. I feel he's too attached to his lifestyle and friends that he will just go back to them and illegal activities. I want him out of my life or to quit everything. I don't know what to do. All these women's stories about their loved ones seems all the same. I'm glad I found this video and other women's comments. Helps me feel not so alone. Thanks ladies

[@GraceChatting]

Thank you Mel. From what you have said, you are in a very abusive, and dangerous relationship. It is important that you find some kind of support group. Alcohol and drug addiction are progressive, as is abusive behaviour. Mel you really need to be safeguarding yourself and your son, and have some help in making a plan to get free of the situation you are in. x

[@LivingOver60]

The door has a knob. Use it.

[@grind-n-find214]

Hello Mel how have things been since this post. I too am dealing with an alcoholic.

[@shansmith7100]

Man this video hit my life on the head! He drinks you worry about where he is going. What he is doing...what condition he will come back in he is worried about the bottle your worried about him. My life in a nut shell.

[@melissa-uu9oq]

I've just started researching this in the last hour. I came across your video and I felt like you were describing my life and it brought me to tears. I'm so glad I found your channel. I'm subscribing. Thank you.

[@babbaruff1045]

I absolutely love Grace, her extremely wise and steady advice give me sanity and hope.

[@carolinebyrne8430]

I played this video whilst lying next to my husband who screamed at me for playing music to drown out his snoring from drinking heavily... He would wake up occasionally and SCREAM at me about how loud my music is. Tonight I played your video quite loud whilst I knew he was so awake.... Utter silence. Then he started snoring.... 😭😭😭

[@CPeetG]

Ugh. I hear you. I can’t even sleep in the same room when my husband is drunk. I go to our bonus room. I’m so lucky to have an extra space. My husband is a binge drinker so he’ll do fine for a while and out of nowhere he’ll drink every day. This week he has already gone through 3 bottles of whiskey. We have 2 kids and his behavior disgusts me. I need to leave him.

[@Kitathegang]

I’m tired of being yelled at for no reason, tired of the mind games, tired of walking on egg shells I’m tired I just want to relax. He’s a binge drinker I think those are the worse because he doesn’t know his limit he has a problem we had a baby girl that didn’t change anything got in accidents that didn’t change anything. Got two dwi that didn’t change anything maybe if I walk away this will change him I’m so tired I can’t take no more

[@rosesamuelson3356]

My husband has completely been lazy in terms of chores, pees on bed and verbally abusive. I feel trapped and helpless. He never told me his habits untill later on after we started living together and married is when I realized that.

[@Armyoftherians]

Rose: I would go to Alanon. Don't stay in a bad situation. Alcoholics can stress you out so bad the bottle can start looking tempting. Believe me. You could also see if there was an addiction counselor to give you advice.

[@sandrataylorfatloss3201]

im here to vent... When i would leave him , he used to stop in order to get me back and would last a couple weeks and then go on a binge and i would leave him again and the same cycle would repeat. This time now , he decided not to try and get me back and just kept drinking , i felt strong at first but little by little i started to feel week and confused as to why he didn't try looking for me this time , i felt miserable so i was the one who decided to go back with him and i ended up just putting up with his drinking and now , i'm miserable. Hes more aggressive with me when i get a bit upset over little things , hes not that sweet kind and loving man he was when completely sober. The sad thing is, now when he is sober for a couple hours of the day because he has to be in order to work , hes really grouchy now , this wasn't the case when he was clean for weeks on time. I know that if i leave him again , he just wont care , if anything , hes waiting for me to leave him so that he can enjoy his drinking sessions without someone nagging on him and that is why its so hard for me to leave now , because if i do , it would be the end for good and right now , i admit that i dont want us to end , i just want it to go back to how it was but i know it never will. If i leave , Yes i know he will call me still but it would be drunk calls because he can never last more than 5 hours sober , yes i know he loves me , but he loves the bottle more. Like you said , it only gets worse and you can tell in what i explained up above. I just , I just feel myself fading away , i feel like i'm slowly sinking into the pits of his empty bottles. And although i know i have the choice to walk away and forever be free from this hell i know ill be living, im to week , im a week soul whos blindly in love. Im scared i wont make it out, i know i need help. And im only 22 , i know i should be enjoying my youth , having fun , going out , and yet here i am in his room waiting for him to come back from work.

[@iamme7664]

You are so young!!! Please don’t waste your youth and don’t get attached to an alcoholic. If you have a child by him you will be TRAPPED for life. Don’t waste your youth and wake up at 40 with regrets. Please leave while you can..Please

[@nile555]

I find this series of videos to be of very high quality and am watching them for a second time.

[@neevahberesford]

You literally just described my life I needed this video .thank you so much for taking the time to make this series xx

[@noeleen743]

Me too. Stayed for 32 years n became ashamed. Socialising was a nightmare.

[@Ingrid0410]

Thank you! Yes, please share your story, as well as give us helpful life strategies!

[@ninababy8]

My husband has been in and out. 9 or 10 years sober in 5 out. Just went back out. Says he has no reason to be sober. So I give him some: when I draw boundaries as I should ( no you have to make your own car payment... you will pay for your own health insurance). He brings up ugly things about me. Tells me I’m fat and ugly and that he wants nothing to do with me. I’m so beat down and sad. I am 65 and recently retired. But my joy is gone. He is right. I’m not thin but I am a good compassionate woman. I’m going to get bypass surgery.

[@rbotvinik]

Thank you for your insights. All very true and helpful to hear.

[@CM-jk5tf]

The FRUSTRATION is mounting!! I am about ready to call it quits. Yet he thinks he has done nothing wrong. He drinks almost every night. He drinks 1 or 2 to satisfy his craving. But now its an every night. Use to be every evryother night.

[@GraceChatting]

Cassandra, it's a progressive addiction, so don't be surprised when it becomes days as well as nights! :(

[@markblanch4178]

Fuck him off. As soon as you can

[@PhoebeWood]

I have seen that when i was growing up

[@mrwynne8690]

Hello grace, I really enjoyed the video. My wife is in some form of sense an alcoholic and me and family are trying to get the message to her that she has a problem. Watching your video has really made me feel understood in what I feel and what it is like to love someone who has this condition. I will be watching the videos you have uploaded and maybe comment if I have any questions. Thank you for sharing this information for people in a situation like myself.

[@ladyashleytheironunderneat5363]

Thank you, Grace. I needed to hear this, even though I'm more than aware that i've just myself in his drinking & verbal abuse. Unfortunately, he doesn't show down, ir even acknowledge his wrongdoings even 2-3 days later, he is still angry. Angry he has to even hear that ge did anything wrong at all. He'll just run. Leave for hours or a day, to drink more. Then, he'l be ashamed, but hecat, ever tell me. I'm in 2 different types of therapy to deal with the loss of myself. I hope between that and listening to you that I can find some peace, or leave. Thank you, again.

[@MaryJohnson-vf9uz]

Thank you so much for these videos Grace!!! I would love to join your FB group!

[@hiimlynxakita]

My sister is an alcoholic who is refusing to seek help. She can get violent, has had numerous run-ins with the police, and has take hours of my day from me by screaming at me for not helping her get alcohol. Idk what to do because I can't just leave my sister since she and I both live with my mom currently.

[@Firstthunder]

Me and my husband have been married for two years. We are both alcoholics. I knew and he knew. Party buddies. Then I got sober and he hasn’t. Trying to figure my way through.

[@Mixedfairydust]

This gave me hope. I think its time to leave my alcoholic husband😢

[@greatlandranchrescue5363]

U deserve to have a happy life without this manipulation! There r 17 million alcoholics n very few go into recovery programs because there r very few free programs! Hope ur life will be happy!

[@Mixedfairydust]

Greatland Thank you honey. He doesn't want to believe he has a problem. Even after being admitted to the hospital 5 times for pancreatitis

[@laurieann73077]

Thank you for sharing !!

[@willardcole5257]

Thank you so much. I am having such a hard time with my husband

[@michelleaviles1298]

Thank you!

[@SassyLittleFrassie]

Thank you

[@MissTippiLu]

I really needed to see this now. The holidays are an excuse for my husband to hang out with his friends who get high and drink beer. To make matters worse he is determined to remain friends with his ex girlfriend’s best friend which is extremely uncomfortable for me because his ex is around also. The friend’s house is basically a clubhouse. It’s bizarre. He is so selfish he refuses to understand why I don’t want to be in that situation. I have threatened divorce several times and tried to put him out for this affront on our marriage but at this point I’m not willing to go it alone. We have been together 10 years; married for 5. I don’t want to give this woman and his ex the pleasure of destroying our marriage. He goes to AA group meetings ; drinks less but refuses to give up his “friends”.

[@GraceChatting]

RedBN L You need to focus on improving your own life, not focusing on your partner's life (which doesn''t fit with yours.) His ex and her friend are not destroying your marriage, your partner is. No sense loading up resentment about them. You chose to be in the marriage and you are choosing to stay. Your choice. This isn't a criticism of you, just pointing out the facts including the one that you are the chooser in your life , just that the choices aren't easy. As long as you are counting on someone else changing before you can get happy you are backing a loser. YOU need to work out what kind of life you want, and start creating it for yourself. Attend Al-Anon, get your peace back, get your life on track, no one is going to do it for you. Respect YOURSELF enough to map out a different lifestyle, one you want. Hope that helps. x

[@MissTippiLu]

@@GraceChatting your point is well taken. I do need to focus on ME and see if I still want the marriage after I’m in a better place. Right now it’s easier to stay. Thank you so much for reaching out. The holidays are difficult for me.

[@Armyoftherians]

@@MissTippiLu Yes. I would agree to do what's best for you. Sometimes time away from someone can help us see the picture differently. I know for myself, when I'm in the middle of something and a lot of emotion is involved I see things differently than if I'm away from the person and away from the situation. I dont know if you have kids, but I have 4 kids now and feel trapped with my alcoholic bf. It's awful and the kids don't deserve it and I'm KICKING myself for not getting out sooner. He is the type of person to give his shirt off his back for someone but he also has a not so nice side and he's unhealthy. If you dont have kids and want kids you have to ask yourself would you want kids with your current situation? Or how long do you want to deal with his alcoholism for yourself?

[@hapukapsas8]

Thank you so much for everything! Love from Estonia.

[@motordar]

Someone other than Kerli from Estonia 🇪🇪

[@markblanch4178]

Tere 🙂

[@lanitanelson3750]

You are telling my life story, I want to hear more.

[@Patty-jj4en]

Very interesting, subscribed

[@brianschneider6380]

Thank God I found your video, I subscribed, thank you again. 55 and feeling Hopeless 😔

[@ah-chakhan682]

Wooooow she’s spot on the dot. This is me 1000%

[@sachatt8599]

Thanks !

[@Armyoftherians]

It's been 9 years living with an alcoholic. I have 4 kids (3 with the alcoholic). I am financially dependent on my 3 younger kids father and feel desperate to get out. I have told him SEVERAL times he needs to move out but he tells the kids I'm treating him like garbage and threatens to leave us and let the "government" take care of us. He's from another country so if he ever did take off I'm not sure what I could do. Anyways, my teenage son doesnt like to be around him. My other kids get freaked out and irritated by his drinking. I am kicking myself for not having gotten out sooner. Everyone should try and save $ for situations like these and if you have children and your partner is an alcoholic...if you can...GET OUT. Kids dont need that stress and an alcoholic partner can wear down their partner and make them an emotional roller coaster and in turn that parent is stressed and grumpy. Kids need their parents calm. Thats why I say GET OUT if the other parent wont get help.

[@theupwardspiral1580]

lol she said the kids are missing him. i thought she said the kids are missing. i was like wait what hahahaha. this is very good im learning a lot from these videos ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@Kiki-yw9kc]

My husband is an alcoholic, he even drunk far to much when I first met him but I just always put it down to a teenage thing. He refuses to admit he has a problem nor will he discuss it. Our children have begged him to stop and he won't do it. He says because he works he couldnt be an alcoholic and all he does is have 4 beer when the truth is he has alot more. He consumes a bottle of wine alongside about 8 tins of beer. He is drunk every night, he leaves lights on, he doest lock doors and he has no parental responsibility after about 7 pm ie giving kids lifts or collecting them because he is drunk. He lies to my family and his by saying he only has a few beer when this is a blatant lie and he does not care what he's doing. He must spend at least 500 a month on drink and fegs. He has also started to hide any evidence that he was drinking wine and deliberately leaves out 4 empty tins of beer while all the rest is stuffed in the bin.

[@evelynetenene3270]

Very interesting video I'm in that kind of situation at the moment and it worries me a lot for my relationship with my boyfriend who's drinking almost every weekend, and it stressed and worries me every weekend that I couldn't sleep well wondering what life would be like for us in the future.

[@pinkzweibel985]

bingo! spot on x

[@klessard2862]

U just, in a few minutes, described my life, Exactly how it is.... I live with a "functioning alcoholic", like a weekend alcoholic, but he does. Not. Stop. He drinks what a full time alcoholic drinks in just one weekend. But it's now started slipping into his weeks like for example, today when I decided to watch this was becuz he told me hes not going into work tomorrow so he can continue drinking. It's bad. It's a rollercoaster I can't get off of, that I'm stuck on. With him. I just don't know what to do anymore at all.

[@sonyawatters2373]

Oh my head hurts watching!!

[@99babyruby]

Been in a relationship with my partner for three years he's took on my other two children had a disabled son with him who had a heart condition and had to undergo surgery .. he is better now and we was all happy and got over anything together... New Year's Eve this year came and the drinking got so bad he said I'd rather have a life drinking it's easier this way .. so I said if you walk out that door that's the life you've chosen .. he stolen money out of my purse for drink multiple times and stolen keys from me .. I can't take no more .. I've been a single mother for a while. Now I do miss him and hope he gets better but he really doesn't see he has a problem

[@GraceChatting]

I guess the question to ask yourself Ruby, is, what did you actually gain from the relationship, and what have you actually lost? Making a couple of lists, writing it down helps you to get some clarity. I hope you can draw some support around you to help you through this transitional period. x

[@1969bogdi]

You seem that you are a mess yourself!!! No wonder he started drinking… And you even have the arrogance to comment here about him!!!

[@elenagisa1318]

@@1969bogdi are you an alcoholic yourself? because you behave like one, please get help and remember : no one makes an alcoholic drink but himself

[@stephaniestoner7470]

Pretty lady with great information.

[@janettacker933]

Yes

[@vickygreenhalgh9283]

I know exactly what my partner does he drinks outside when he goes shopping I see the cans all round streets near where I live he drinks while my family visits we don't go shopping toghther anymore cos he knows he can't have a can if I'm with him he manages to hold down job but I feel I'm wasting my life really being with him

[@greatlandranchrescue5363]

In the USA there need to be more choices for alcoholics n drug addicts, in the area I live there r no free programs for them, which means they pray on family, friends n steal, lie, cheat, and this is just how it is. If there were halfway houses etc perhaps they would have a safe alternative than using innocent people unaware of their real motives!

[@rocowolf918]

I would like to see men have the balls to post videos of dealing with a abusive alcoholic wives they do exist apparently KZbin take some down because I've seen a couple in the past and now they're not there anymore real nice KZbin I want people to answer this I know I'm not the only one living this

[@GraceChatting]

Hi Roco, Of course there are many alcoholic wives. I mention that in earlier video, there just happen to be more male alcoholics, and their wives are more inclined to seek support than many men are. Perhaps you could be the change you want to see in the world :) You could make some videos of what it is like to survive living with an alcoholic wife. I'm sure it would be a great help to other men. There are many similarities irrespective of the gender, but of course there are differences as well. I wish you all the best. You would find Al-Anon helpful.

[@jielianhuang9387]

What should I do if he gets abusive?

[@Kitathegang]

Very embarrassing, I made excuses but no no more I think I’m done

[@TheBuckeyList]

I need your help so bad.

[@stevetwilling1499]

Grace chatting I started cutting down august 26th 2018 cause I didn’t want to ruin relationships . So I started cutting down at family function at 26 , now 33 and I started not going to bp after running out alcohol as I kept cutting down I started getting bored of drinking alone starting this yr . I wanted to cutdown at 25 but never followed through on it at my parents before I moved out 29 . I’m actually single .

[@stevetwilling1499]

Grace chatting watch ppl throw relationships away in a bad working my first 7 month at the car wash drinking on the job and also not company employees so there was no consequences for it . I’m sleeping much better and haven’t had as many hangover in the last two month drinking less at home/ while at parents dog sitting .

[@Armyoftherians]

Are there resources to help mothers who don't have income get financial and housing help? My alcoholic bf had threatened to leave my 4 kids and I and not help me financially. I dont think he would do that but I have a history of abandonment from men and am scared of he did I couldnt take care of my kids alone. I really fear not being able to take care of my kids if he left. He has basically said he's ok dying from drinking and doesnt want to give it up. It's really damaged myself and my kids.

[@vickygreenhalgh9283]

I've been to an addiction clinic with him try help him I've tried to say you can have drink on certain days to try stop him drinking everyday but he hasn't stopped he takes are dog for a walk and buys drink will drink it he does this every day

[@sub-zero_]

I live with my alcoholic dad, and Im planning to move out…… sadly im also trying to get my driver license…… in my country the government makes you totally dependent on your parent to learn driving…….. im screwed

[@yukomattingly]

No audio? I can't hear. :(

[@mommeydearest2962]

This is my husband.. I think its time for divorce im tired of it

[@73starrdiva]

mommey dearest 🙋🏾😢

[@pinkzweibel985]

me too

[@sgt7]

I look at my old mother who never left my dad. I see an old lady whose life has been one of suffering and coping with a selfish man. So much potential left unfilled. Get out while you can and never contact him again.

[@grind-n-find214]

I'm there too.

[@grind-n-find214]

@@sgt7 I dont want that to be my life. I'm 2 kids in and I feel like my back is against the wall now.

[@annathompson4902]

Very 👍

[@GraceChatting]

Thanks for the visit

[@derekdjm]

Just wanted to have another side of the story, there is hope for people that abuse alcohol. Grace seems to only present one side of the story. Just like AA and the rest of society who stigmatize alcohol abuse (either you're a regular drinker or an alcoholic - no in between) to the point that people that seek help are only the most desperate. And it is very likely they have deeper psychological issues causing their abuse, which is the issue that needs to be addressed first, rather than abandoning them in their darkest time. It's not fucking chronic or terminal - AA is bullshit, don't label these people as damaged, it only makes it worse. If your spouse is abusive however, please seek help.

[@derekdjm]

Also, help is hard to find, even in Canada, I can't imagine what it's like in neoliberal America (I'm sure it's terrible)

[@GraceChatting]

Hi Derek, of course there are people who may have a period in their lives when they abuse alcohol, they are not who I'm talking about here. The videos are aimed at those who have been struggling trying to live with and raise a family whilst living with someone with chronic and I mean chronic alcohol use. Part of the problem is that they don't see they have a problem, and yes, it is always deeper psychological issues at the bottom of it. For the people who finish up in the street Derek, it IS chronic and terminal, and sometimes it is for their families too. I disagree that AA is stigmatising, it is anything but! I wonder why you are so angry? Have you ever been the partner of an alcoholic?

[@rrusso8648]

Al-Anon was the answer for me!

[@wallamandy4311]

Why not have a life not just survive?

[@susancarroll6686]

I have lost friends due to my husbands behavior. We were no longer invited to anything It took the police coming many times to finally get him out.😊

[@terryweaver9770]

It’s frustrating that U assume it’s “him” that’s drinking & ruining the family. It’s not the case here. It’s my wife that just checked all those boxes U described. It’s my wife that is killing herself & this marriage.

[@thinkerchick2003]

Grace, are you originally from Northern Ireland? I think I can hear an Americanized version of that charming accent. I am watching your videos from mostly the other side of the coin, because I am in danger of getting lost in the alcohol quagmire myself. For a good few years now I've come home from a full-on, highly responsible job and used too much alcohol to calm my senses more often than I should. As much as I detest my addicition to nicotine, alcohol abuse is my real problem and I've grown to hate it and hate myself for being like this. I still function extremely well (but not to my full potential) in my work and pay my bills and my share elsewhere. I've also been watching motivational videos of how people's lives got much better when they quit drinking as well as others who are realistic about their anxiety and how alcohol gives them a brief respite from it, and that's probably me. I'm a competent female tech geek who works in a team with 30 guys, but I support primarily other women in top management positions who jokingly(?) say 'they hear the wine calling' at the end of a hard day, so I think this problem may be bigger than most people imagine. I won't go into my life story except to say that I've had a few truly fucking terrible relationships where my partner has been 'trying', to say the least, and one of them even nearly killed me (fortunately a very short-lived yet traumatic relationship once he showed his true colours - he ended up in jail). But the year I spent in a relationship with a regular blackout alcoholic partner catapulted me to a new level of drinking personally, for the stress was incredible for someone with my anxiety issues, high likelihood of being undiagnosed on the ASD spectrum, and ill-understood, -taught and/or -learned coping mechanisms. For the last 2 years I've been with the most amazing man I have ever met and I don't want to fuck things up by letting this get worse. I want to reverse this. Although I drink to excess most nights, I never get falling over drunk nor do I black out or get angry or tearful - in fact I'm usually laughing and being mischievous, so while we've openly discussed that I drink too much I don't become a pain in the arse or get wasted/argumentative/embarrassing; he doesn't approve, speaks his mind but doesn't nag me about it and I'm grateful for that for I feel supported in my strong desire to change. I'm just not sure how to do it except to swap this addiction for a past addiction, exercise, which I also did 5-6 nights a week and pretty much all weekend every weekend. If OH and I are planning to do something, and it's usually me who plans outings and holidays, I pay my share and I don't get drunk and ruin it. I'm still fit for a 20-mile hike and love nothing better to clear my mind. I admit if there's an opportunity to go to the pub in the evening I'll try to fenagle that, albeit sometimes if you visit rural places there's not much else to do and while we love the hanky panky ther's only so much of that you can do too! I wanted to share this so that if others stumble upon your very insightful videos like I have they can see there may be people like me who are troubled but desperately want to break free of this BIG FUCKING CURSE and can hopefully do so with the right support. My life isn't a pit of shame and disgrace, but it will certainly be shorter if I continue on this path. My blackout ex paid lip service to my attempts to help but was taking me for a ride, a very bad one, hurting me emotionally, mentally and financially without a care. I knew I couldn't help him and I don't know what has become of him and I don't want to. He was immature and incapable of facing up to his problems, lied constantly therefore I couldn't support him. I speak freely and openly, keep up my side of the deal, and I know the man I love and who loves me is willing to work through this with me. Now I really, really want to do him proud. And I hope that for any of you reading this it makes sense to you and possibly helps you in some way to make up your mind about what you need to do. Blessings to all xx

[@thinkerchick2003]

Dammit I just re-read that last paragraph and what jumps out is that I abandoned a fully grown man 10 years older than me because he hadn't managed to figure out for himself - even with intensive support - what he needed to do to get better. He had no interest in doing it, he was a leech. I did encourage him to get counselling and seek help and he'd tell me he had done that but nothing came of it. He was lying his way through life. No-one can support someone who takes that stance, it's time to part ways.

[@thinkerchick2003]

And one final message: it is so therapeutic to tell this story and get this off my chest!

[@markblanch4178]

Straight up, you've got to fuck off the drinking. It's about respect for You, Your Health, Your Life, Your Partner, and Your Future together

[@mecca115able]

what if hes your ex bf? thats an alcoholic

[@BobBob-uv9fq]

Down to probably two bottles a week ,in fact 0 at moment,I just don’t buy beer ,until I know when I finish I can’t get anymore,

[@gaylegreene]

Sounds like my husband exactly

[@lelengigi4644]

I practice Al-Anon and to keep the peace, I do nothing unless he approves or decides. I lost all of my friends. We don't socialize except with family and whatever is going on better be over 5pm so he can get to his bottle. He won't drink socially. He drinks every night by himself, even keeps the 1.5 liter bottles of wine in the garage. So sad. He's not remembering things, he's got stomach issues and looks 8 months pregnant. He's been drinking 1.5 to 2 liters of wine every night for over 40 years. I cannot understand how he is still alive. He's not a young man. Anyway, I'm going to watch all of these videos.

[@JS-em8lz]

Mine stay home and don't go out no MORE cause he. Can't drink like he wants to.

[@sunnydae777]

This is good if you only want half the truth and no solutions. All these people are like this.

[@73starrdiva]

The story of my life... :'(

[@susanlaney9564]

Mine to😞

[@rebeccahermes9970]

Trapped yup So Terrible awful i understand. Its a Very sad Story yes i know about codependency

[@tomb306]

Watching this video was encouraging.... My ex ran off for some serious alcoholic and I'm really glad to be able to know her future and how lovely life is going to be...haaa

[@mial1596]

My husband is an alcoholic and we are doing IVF should I stop? But I'm not young，I want to have a baby. My husband is very kind to me when he is sober, but he secretly drinks every day and drives me crazy. If he drinks ，I found get angry with him he can easily get angry, quarrel and violence to me .I'm really tired and disappointed, but I don't know how to solve it. Divorce?

[@iamme7664]

Do you want the alcohol, violence and fights to happen in front of your child..? Do you want them asking why Mommy is always crying? Kids bring a lot of stresses on a couple and it might drive him to drink even more. Please leave now before you have kids and you are trapped forever.

[@GraceChatting]

Mia, having a baby in the hopes that it will change your husband is deluded wishful thinking. New babies need a lot of time and attention, and bring sleepless nights and downright exhaustion with them. A child leaves you even more vulnerable to abusive behaviour and feeling victimised. Go to Al-anon to get some support before you tie yourself into this relationship for life with his child. x

[@lydie1416]

Please don't. I went to IVF with my alcoholic husbund because i was 38 years old and running out of time. We have a boy that is on autism spectrum and my husbund is now in worst shape ever. He was geting worse when I got pregnant. Life is hell now. He is drunk every day. Before he was never mean to me, but now I never know what will upset him. He is very angry and bitter now. My son is almost 5, and he loves his dad, but I'm worried about what will happen between them when he gets older. He loves his son but alcohol comes first. I am 11 years in this marrige, and it is geting only worse. Run!

[@JS-em8lz]

Drinking almost case beer day

[@Hacunamattata]

Drunks are dirty n nasty

[@ronaldmartino2610]

I WATCHED AND HALF WAY THROUGH I HAD TO STOP. IM SORRY. Always "HE, HE, HE. The dynamic of an alcoholic WIFE is completely DIFFERENT! It's heart breaking. The mental abuse. Its my fault. Ima bad everything. I need to get honest. No specifics. Open ended accusations, vile remarks and fearing for their life. A 31 year relationship being destroyed. Fears of infidelity with no proof crushing your soul and in most video's it's the husband. Is it possible. Could it really be my fault. Am I a manipulative monster. Forgive me, I'm rambling. Maybe just venting. I don't know anymore. I love her deeply. Feeling lost and hopeless. Don't even know why I'm doing this? Actually don't know what to do. If I started drinking it would be like purchasing a one way ticket to hell. Haven't seen her for a month. I'm 64, she is 55. She is staying at her stepfather house. He is 82. Married her mother who died 47 days later. They have bonded over her death and I think my wife has become a surrogate for her mother to him. She fears he will harm himself if she's not around. When she is with me They talk on the phone 8 to 10 times a day. They cry together. Its been 2 years now since he mom died and you would think it was yesterday. He is giving her all the alcohol she wants. A 4 litre box of wine every other day. Won't answer my calls. One or two word answers to my texts if any answer at all. I fear thus will kill her. He doesn't care. He pays for fixing her car. She has replaced me with him. Go ahead and tell me what a fool I am. Perhaps I am. I'm a retired executive, A type personality and feel empty inside. Have absolutely no clue what to do anymore. I can almost hear the laughter when you all read this. Quit frankly I'm half inclined to laugh at myself. I've never done thus before. The long comment I mean. I'm going to push the little blue arrow anyway. I've tried everything else.

[@GraceChatting]

No laughter Ronald, only deep compassion for you and your situation. Why not connect in with the others in similar circumstances at Rebuild Your Life. It's my closed group on Facebook.

[@monetawatan-duran89]

I'm not unhappy. I love my husband. I want to help him. I'm scared he will drink himself to death.

[@charleneclark1817]

You can't be happy if he is damaging himself. It's not fair on you. I feel.sorry for you deep down. Look after yourself.

[@DogTube407]

There is absolutely no way you are completely happy. You love a man that is incapable of loving you the way you desire him to. I wish you all the best, learn to love yourself beautiful!

[@shawnglover2818]

Well lady. I'm living with a woman that is an verbal abusive drunk. And It seems to me that u are fixated on it being the man. And I'm a man without any of these issues, other than I'm done with being verbally abused.

[@GraceChatting]

Hi Shawn, Sorry to hear you are living through this particular hell. I just want to let you know that I am definitely not fixated on all alcoholics being men. This is not a gender issue, and I do mention that in my videos, I simply use "he" for ease of use as the vast majority of alcoholics happen to be men. I totally appreciate that it is equally challenging the other way around. Good for you to be done with being verbally abused. Unacceptable behaviour is not ok. I hope you find some support and encouragement. You may just find the other videos helpful if you can forget about it being a gender issue.

[@Germatti13489]

I remember in the early 90s I spoke to dr. Laura schlessinger on her radio show about my husband drinking so much. Dr Laura Shlessinger chewed me out because he was only 32 - she said, why shouldn't he go out most nights to drink!even after I told her that he wouldn't stay with me or care for our daughter as my father lay dying... my husband said he had to go because he was the manager of the softball team & they had a game + party that night. Now we are 60. He has put me through hell when I needed someone. He goes from work to bar then home drunk. Young people don't put up with it like I did.

[@adorequeen8903]

Am tired of his drinking habit i just want to get divorce from him

[@wingerj1125]

sounds like you just live with a drunk. Not an alcoholic.

[@markblanch4178]

Same