Husband Demanded Open Marriage Because He's No Longer Attracted To Me r/Relationships

[@owl7072]

"I'm a child of divorced parents myself and while I turned out alright I always dreamed of my parents staying together for me" you turned out alright _because_ they didn't stay together for you Op. You turned out alright because your parents didn't expose you to toxic bullshit for the sake of "keeping the family together". You turned out alright _because they actually had a god damn spine._ Edit: Op is gonna come back with a post like "My kids are moved out and won't talk to me. What do I do? How do I get them to talk to me again?" while acting like she has no idea why they want nothing to do with her as if she didn't force them to watch this shitshow of a marriage crumble before their eyes.

[@jimbobjones9330]

The short of it is, based on these posts, she "didn't turn out alright" The husband was 100% wrong in this, but that one poster who called her out for wanting vengeance wasn't too far from the point, based on OPs updates.

[@owl7072]

@@jimbobjones9330 oh I absolutely agree. The way Op is going about this just gives off a feeling like she's almost doing it out of spite at this point. They're both just essentially rubbing their partners in the other's faces and I feel so bad for their kids.

[@olsonashley4]

The OP’s husband is totally going to tell the kids they got divorced because their mother cheated on him repeatedly. They won’t stay together and will eventually divorce and he will be a toxic jerk to alienate her kids.

[@michaelwoods3651]

Right?! They both sound selfish AF! If you’re throwing out ultimatums of divorce, you’re not ok.

[@jimbobjones9330]

@@olsonashley4 Definitely. Based on her later replies, though, I don't see her being much better. Don't get me wrong... he's 100% wrong for starting this. He's like 6/5 assholes, but with every response, my feeling on her went from "you go girl!" to "ummm... why are you doing this again?" Her obsession with "staying married for the children even though I hate my marriage and husband" is toxic af. And it WON'T work with the children.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

Going outside the marriage to try and save the marriage is just asinine . If you're not sexually attracted to me anymore let's just end the marriage smh

[@GraveyardMaiden]

Nah it can work out if the partner who suggested it doesn't turn into an asshole about the fact the other one is getting dates ontop of working on their own sex life

[@UchuKejiMovan]

@@GraveyardMaiden getting married to a person just to out of nowhere say I want to act like I'm single is just disrespectful. No let's just move on from each other and live our different lives now

[@JDKT002]

@@GraveyardMaiden Yup. All the husband needed to do was give OP the same autonomy as he was given. All he had to do was shut up and accept the same rules and freedom he was afforded also applies to her. None of this would have happened if he wasn't a possessive wanker.

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@JDKT002 I agree in a sense but she even admitted she is a monogamous person so the happy ever after would not have lasted long even if her husband had been smart and kept his mouth shut.

[@JDKT002]

@@shadowkissed2370 Oh yeah she is pretty awful in this whole story too. Two petty, selfish, and vindictive people who won' t leave each other because they know how reprehensible they both are. But the fact that this all initiated because the husband wanted it, then handled it by not handling it. It's very much a "leopards ate my face" moment.

[@wisebumblebee]

As a child of divorce, it's so infuriating to hear the wife frame divorce as worse than...... whatever the fuck that situation is. She's gonna be posting again when he treats the kids as disposable when they aren't exactly what he wants too.

[@jimbobjones9330]

Even if it isn't him, she may end up meeting someone she wants to be with. An open marriage can work if it's decided by a couple as a discussion... not whatever they have going on here, where the guy wanted to have a free pass, and she seems to be doing it for revenge. There is no way this doesn't end in a bitter divorce down the line, which could be avoided with an amicable one now. But I guess the "mom of the year" OP would rather put her kids through a bitter, terrible divorce than a relatively calm one.

[@ellisdee1879]

I remember being 16 and BEGGING my mother to leave my narcissistic father because I could see how much she was suffering. She told me that she wanted to wait until my younger brother was out of school. Two years later, she found his LITERAL Little Black Book he kept all his M&F app passwords and phone numbers in one morning while cleaning. We packed exactly half the furniture, she took exactly half the bank account, and we had a new, lovely apartment the same day. I well and truly loathe me father for the hell he put us through, and continues to try to put us through by just being around him for more than 5 minutes

[@Endonia-ym3sl]

Almost every time a monogamous marriage opens up, it ends with the partner suggesting the open relationship pissed that the other has found someone else.

[@dorakarys]

Because plenty of times the partner suggesting it only wants to cheat with permission and don't expect their SO to get an AP

[@stinkfaerie6552]

Yeah I've heard stories about 'wife swop' situations and it's always the partner who suggested it that didn't feel right afterwards.

[@smalllightbulb3492]

Sad that she thinks that staying in this toxic relationship is the best for her kids. This is going to backfire and her children aren't going to be happy and well-adjusted after witnessing the trainwreck that is their parent's marriage.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Those kids will think this is normal

[@smalllightbulb3492]

@@manxiefeathermoon9888 That's the saddest part. These kids will have a completely distorted view of relationships. They'll probably need therapy in the future.

[@smalllightbulb3492]

@@manxiefeathermoon9888 That's the saddest part. These kids will have a completely distorted view of relationships. They'll probably need therapy in the future.

[@kittylovesfilms]

It's deeply not the best thing for them. she's failing them by staying. I am so mad at her

[@prettygurlrockx]

Sounds like the children young so she’ll probably divorce the husband when they’re older like in middle or high school 🏫

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Story 1: any open marriage story I hear on KZbin isn’t an open marriage it’s one of the partners wanting permission to cheat guilt free. After updates: well start saving up for the kids therapy cause I see a strong chance of them having front row seats to a shit show. Best of luck to them.

[@tod557]

EXACTLY!!!! Any open relationship bs is just excuses to cheat, period!

[@fiyahquacker2835]

And then becoming a sulky bish when it backfires on them.

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

@@fiyahquacker2835 yup

[@jgw5491]

True. The thing is that positive, honest poly relationshippers don't come to Reddit because they don't need help and their lives are humming along.💞

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

@@jgw5491 also yup

[@anniebale4343]

Oh, god, those poor children. OP at this point is causing her own problems. She'd rather stay in her loveless, abusive marriage, while lying through her teeth that it's for the kids. It's not. She's got a strong ego, and a self-righteous streak. She wants to prove the Redditers and her husband wrong.

[@kittylovesfilms]

I Agree

[@andthatsshannii]

I feel like people in unhappy marriages who fear divorce create a feedback loop. They cling on to a failing marriage until there is nothing left but resentment. Then, when they finally divorce, it's super messy and affects their children. The children then grow up thinking that divorce ruined their happy lives, rather than the horrible and resentful way their parents ended the marriage. So, they also cling onto failing marriage out of fear of messing their kids up. My parents are friends and have been for as long as I remember. They split well before resentment built up when they realised their efforts weren't working anymore and their lives weren't compatible. I don't fear divorce because my family wasn't torn apart. I just had two separate families. Any family issues I had weren't as a result of divorce, but rather due to other reasons.

[@vanzy01]

👍

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: op’s husband wanted an open marriage, he showed op all the interactions he had with other women, the moment op sealed the deal with someone else who found her attractive he PREVENTED op from meeting with the other guy and wanted to close the marriage. Op, your husband wants to have his cake and eat it too. Story 1 update: op hit the nail on the coffin. Again the moment someone is attracted to you he wants to close the marriage. ‘You are not the beautiful kind woman I married anymore.’ Translation: you are not the pushover I married.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Typical male. Wants his cake and eat it too.

[@CensorshipVictim]

Exactly! He wanted wifey to stay at home with the kiddos while he fucked around and rubbed it in her face.

[@stinkfaerie6552]

What's the point of having cake if you can't eat it?

[@kaykay8855]

@@stinkfaerie6552 he was counting on op to be only faithful to him (sexually) but he didn’t count on anyone finding op attractive or op following the rules he created himself. So when op had a date he goes surprised pikachu 😳and sabotage her dates by not being home with the kids so that she can go (which is a he created: they are supposed to tell each other when they are going on dates) and mostly ‘pretending’ to be sexually attracted to op so that she cancels her date and gets upset when she doesn’t. Basically he wanted to to be the only one dating in this open relationship.

[@SH-qs7ee]

OP's husband wanted an open marriage, just didn't want OP to have one.

[@shammydammy2610]

Your husband doesn't actually want an open marriage. He wants to cheat but have op forced to remain 'faithful'. He doesn't want her, but he's damned if anyone else can have her

[@kittylovesfilms]

^ THIS! Thank you

[@Emily-ck9ji]

I don't know what to say. I guess I'm just ... disappointed in OP. I honestly hope this works out for her and her family in the end, but I'm doubtful. Raising children with this kind of toxic, manipulative mess can be extremely damaging. She says she wants to keep her family together, but both she and her husband are forcefully shoving their new partners in the others face just to make them jealous and angry. That's not what I would consider a healthy home. Let me make it clear: I do NOT support what she is doing. I think my shock at her delusional and selfish proclamation here was what left me speechless. Someone below said she was a bad mom, but that isn't quite right. OP is a TERRIBLE mother who is only thinking of herself and her wants, not the needs of her children as she keeps pretending in these posts.

[@-notmycat]

I'm worried her husband will manipulate their kids against Op, make her feel guilty so she stops seeing other people.

[@binary0118]

You are missing the point. Op is directly telling her husband that she doesn't love him anymore after the crap he pulled and continues to pull, but wants to stay with him to not jeopardize the future of her children. And, let's be honest, Op's husband is the type of person to purposely hurt his own children as some petty act of revenge against Op.

[@mommieminnesota3108]

OP and her husband agreed in the beginning they wanted to know who each other was sleeping with so she didn't shove her extra partner in his face.i do agree with the toxic environment though her husband sounds like he can get violent and can be very spiteful those two things on top of him being a narcissist are just deadly.its going to end in divorce anyways bc her husband doesn't want an open marriage anymore and she refuses to close it again.i just worry about how much of this her kids are seeing and hearing.

[@jgw5491]

This. And she doesn't have "*all the means* to make a good and happy home" in the current situation. She has a crap husband and he is not going to change into a good one, because he is not a good human being. This is not something she can control to make her ideal home. She asks "do you think I'm stupid?" Maybe not but right now she is behaving stupidly. She can't see that the open marriage is not a long term solution to their problems even though her sleeping with someone else jolted her husband awake for the moment. And she is letting the situation make her into a manipulative person, too, something I don't believe she would like seeing in the mirror. And why is she yelling at Redditors for giving advice, even harsh advice? It is like she has never been to the boards before. What she needs is personal therapy with a person who can show her what is happening in her life and feelings in a way that she can take in. She is finally redefining herself (good!), and in a rather chaotic way shedding the doormat persona. Now she needs help doing that constructively.

[@dragb9284]

Ow no this is a trash fire that’s also a ticking time bomb there’s no way this is going to end well but op seems to defensive and self riotous to actually do what she knows needs to be done.

[@pearbear6418]

After hearing all of this, the only thing I can say is that I feel sorry for those poor kids. They both just sound like bad parents in general. He destroyed their family and she is willing to force them to stay in a toxic home where both their parents hate each other even though she's certain it will end in divorce anyways. Just wtf...

[@kittylovesfilms]

I Agree

[@jimbobjones9330]

No, she "loves her husband", despite continuing the open marriage seemingly out of revenge at this point. (Keep in mind, he's 100% a dirtbag. Thing is, she didn't exactly come out smelling like roses by the end of her responses either. "I came here asking for advice. HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME ADVICE?!?!") One of two things are going to happen -- either he's going to meet someone he has feelings for and leave her, or she's going to meet someone she has feelings for and divorce him anyway. And then the kids will get stuck in a messy, terrible divorce in the future rather than a relatively calm one now.

[@Iwasonceanonionwithnolayers]

She said early on her husband is her best friend. They wouldn't mesh so well if she wasn't just as messed up as him

[@ms.g6124]

Sometimes people don’t want to learn from other peoples experience. They’d rather go through the whole lesson for themselves. I wouldn’t be surprised when OP will one day realized she should have heeded all the Redditor’s advice.

[@AJStarhiker]

Spouse 1: I want to have an open relationship Spouse 2: uh, ok. (Goes out and finds a partner) 😡 Spouse 1: Not like that, I meant for me!

[@CanonSkyrissian]

idk if my spouse told me she wants an open marriage I'd respond with "well it's gonna be wide open because it no longer exists" and then go see a divorce lawyer

[@tod557]

That is the only correct response to your partner bringing this up.

[@marshamacmillan]

Hell, yeah!

[@demonheart13]

@@tod557 naw, there are good examples of open relationships, the problem here is the husband started this with no respect for the OP and now that she's found some respect for herself, she's allowing her past divorce trauma to take the wheel instead.

[@JMac7395]

One of the biggest issues with parents like OP is that they think their children aren't watching or listening. OP claims she doesn't want her children to feel like "the third wheel" due to her own past issues as a child of divorce. Yet she's already treating her children like the third wheel & she's not even divorced. OP is allowing her children to be subjected to emotional manipulation & emotional abuse by the husband. Instead of removing her children from the toxic environment. OP is in denial that she is more concerned with getting a fair deal out of the toxic relationship the husband created & getting revenge against her husband for treating her like crap for several years. In the end OP's children will still suffer the consequences of the toxic marriage

[@fiyahquacker2835]

That lady is definitely going to overdo her kids heads the longer she stays in that oven of a "marriage". The last update kinda sounds like she's staying with the dead weight for blindfolded/misguided belief that it's better for her kids than atopping that toxic powder keg that "husband" started before it explodes.

[@platinum_noelle]

Story 1 is basically "I Want You Back" written into a story "I wish my parents stayed together for me". Wait until you hear from kids who's parents did. It was miserable for them knowing they were the reason their parents lived in loveless misery for years. I say this as a kid who's step-mom only stayed with the dad for 13yrs to wait until she turned 18 to make sure she turned out alright. OP is so focused on living it her fantasy of a "complete" family vicariously through her kids than what would actually be good for them. The kids already know there's something wrong.

[@demonic_myst4503]

Thwir a future raised by narcicists pist in her kids future with their dad

[@robertx8020]

@@Azulakayes I agree Jesus wi;; tell OP to obay her husband as 'the head of the house' and NEVER to question him! Solved /s

[@birchtree8028]

@@robertx8020 ? What

[@robertx8020]

@@birchtree8028 Sorry but I get snarky when ppl say "you need Jesus " :(

[@jqdsilva]

Omg I'm listening to this entire story and I'm like "why are we giving this b***c the time of day?" I never understood this open marriage thing like JUST DIVORCE. Also her kids are gonna grow up and look back and say "we had two very narcissistic parents." And then she dismisses everyone's advices like "why are you on reddit then?" This whole story just pissed me off.

[@jimbobjones9330]

I have never gotten further and further against the OP than I have in this series of updates. Both of them are toxic and deserve each other. Because holy crap, I was in her corner until she started to get crappier and crappier in her responses.

[@EmmyKirk14]

Same, both the husband and OP just sound awful. Feel bad for the kids, though.

[@lulul0l039]

OP and Husband seem to have co-dependent relationship with each other. How else can you continue to care for someone like OP's husband? OP is building up their self-worth, putting up boundaries and keeping husband at bay. Sometimes you can't "nice" your way out from situation, anger can be force for positive change. Besides OP didnt lie about monogamy not being option with husband. Amicable divorce would be the best option, but "amicable" part isn't something OP can do alone. By staying as glorified roomates, she can manage husbands mood swings while waiting until the kids are older. Husband has proved himself manipulative and willing to use the kids as pawns. Kids are too young to recognize what he does and he'd go even further If OP pushes for divorce *without his permission*. Considering the situation, I think OP *IS* trying to take the kid-friendliest option here. Growing up my dad was the fun parent. It took long to realize how he would both compliment for compliance and still make hidden jabs to eat away your self-esteem. As kids he didnt need to do that to feel control, but as junior high approached emerging personhood was a problem. OP was too amicable to realize the situation she was in until she was babytrapped. They're doing their best.

[@MissDeniseR]

Open marriage, when your husband wanted an open marriage, he ment just his end, Your husband has been doing this for longer than you think, he only wants you now because someone else wants you, he doesn't want to share his toys,

[@WhitneyDahlin]

‼️She's making a huge mistake. My parents are high school sweethearts and they're still married now like 40 years later. They f****** hate each other and can barely tolerate each other. They made my life and my sister's life literally hell. Whenever dad was home from his business trips my sister and I would hide out in our basement or our bedrooms cuz we knew they'd be fighting. OPs making a big mistake because if this is how he treats her, he's so clearly a narcissist, he's going to start treating their children like this as well. Especially as the children grow older and become their own people with their own lives and making their own decisions. He isn't going to like that. Narcissists never do. She's doing a huge disservice to her kids. It has never once worked out where people stay together for the kids. Ever. But there are plenty of cases where people have divorced amicably and it was the best thing that could have happened for them and their children. Also does she think she would become just like her parents and treat her children like unwanted third wheels in her new relationships? Because that's what it sounds like. She decides how she treats her kids so it's weird she assumes she will treat her kids the same way her parents treated her.

[@naomijohnson6028]

I love Ops who involve internet strangers in their drama, beg for advice, and get mad when people get involved.

[@hothotheat3000]

He doesn’t want to share you but expects you to share him?!

[@devchekhov7512]

Throwing the dish would have ended things for me. As Dr. Honda says, "It signals, you're next."

[@whimsicaltitan]

After the final update and how she sounded like she just wants everyone to hear her story but shouldn't comment on it, I think they deserve each other. Both are toxic but poor kids.

[@antoinealez12]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. She now wants to go around and sleep with other men but keep the marriage intact so that she can see her kids every day.

[@alexishenry4434]

How exactly is Op toxic?

[@Taylor-nj5js]

@@alexishenry4434 she was asking for people’s opinion and potentially some advice on what she should do. Most said that she should divorce for the kids sake, she’s telling everyone that they’re wrong for inputting advice into her life when she asked for it. Then proceed to say it’s good for her kids living in this toxic environment because she gets to see them everyday so that makes up for the lack of love the kids see between their parents setting forth future problems with their love lives. Overall op turned out to be toxic too, and is gaslighting people into believing she wasn’t asking for their opinions and that she was just venting.

[@industrialover]

I don't have a clue how you could say that after hearing what this man did

[@Taylor-nj5js]

@@industrialover this is an asinine argument, just because judgment is made on the poster does not mean we agree with the husband. Considering the word both is used, that means both are in the wrong. You’re okay with saying op is good and righteous in her actions because the husband is doing the same. But op is using her children to say she is so much better because she cares about them. If she truly did then she’d ask for the children’s feelings on the matter, rather than subject them to live in a toxic environment. Stop making non-arguments, it’s like arguing that we dislike vegetables when we’re talking about fruit.

[@rinpaisys]

OP’s whole rant about telling people that their experience with parents divorcing (or not divorcing when they should have) to shutup coz their experience doesn’t mean that her or her kids experience would be the same felt off to me, then I realized it’s coz she is basing her whole stance off of her own personal experience with HER OWN parents divorce and refusing to hear any alternate experiences, coz she refuses to acknowledge that her own kids might not have the same experience as her and then it comes down to her real reasons, she doesn’t want to share her kids. It almost reads like she treats her own children the way her husband treats her. It’s not about them or their wellbeing or wants or needs. It’s only about what she wants. I feel bad for those kids, both of their parents are too up their own arses to meaningfully consider the tiny humans they brought into the world, or anyone but themselves.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

I have a slightly amended theory to yours. I do believe OP is purposely staying in her marriage to spare her children pain. I also think she knows on some level her husband is abusive and that their divorce will be messy and horrible. Her husband will likely poison the children against her if he can. I think she knows if they divorce they won't be able to coparent well because her husband will treat the kids like pawns to hurt her for leaving him. I can't say she's 100% right in staying with him to prevent this, but I think the kids will be traumatized just from having that as their father. And there is no way to go back in time and never marry or have kids with him. I suppose this could also be seen as a lesson in trying to know who you are with before bringing kids into the relationship.

[@azariazulu]

I 100% agree. SHE wants to see the kids everyday. SHE doesn't want alternate Christmases. SHE doesn't want to share the kids. This is all based on HER experience. What about what those kids actually need?

[@starlights13]

Instead of going out looking for men, the OP should look for a therapist. She and her husband are train wrecks. Poor kids.

[@ladyv5655]

The only man I'd be looking for if my spouse wanted to open the relationship is one who is a divorce lawyer and who is half shark,too.

[@kittylovesfilms]

I agree. This whole thing is a Trainwreck. I feel for the kids. OP had a backbone, but then lost it. WTF. LEAVE That Man. She is activly disrespecting herself and the kids by staying.

[@pippo17173]

@@kittylovesfilms Honestly man the first post no matter how its written, we should of saw that happening regardless.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

You dare to blame her, when HE was the one who wanted to s**** around!

[@ultraviolet2447]

I can already see her kids needing therapy for the trauma BOTH their parents are going to cause them. So disappointed in op she says she’s doing this for the children but she has no idea that’s an excuse she’s using because she’s really doing it for herself. She literally said she wants to stay married not because that would be best for HER children but because thats what SHE wanted as a child and how she wants to see everyday with her children even though it’s proven that on average it would be best for the kids to grow up in a more healthy separated family situation that a toxic unified one. How selfish both these parents are is astounding.

[@wilderchannel6879]

In my opinion, they are both being selfish and toxic, and I see the relationship blowing up on her, her defensiveness just shows a lack of want or ability to grow and her comment that she is a monogamous person, but then still wants to sleep with other people shows the level of delusion she has allowed herself to fall into. I went into this story whole heartedly sympathizing with op but feeling like they deserve each other in the end.

[@kittylovesfilms]

I Would Agree. Well said @SimoneLangford

[@iglowinthedark3645]

She gets so defensive. I still think the husband is worse. Despite what she says she clearly doesn't love him anymore.

[@DanniSoRude]

She's gonna look up one Christmas and have an empty table! The inevitable divorce will be loud and messy and the kids will keep their families from both of them! My family, not mom or dad, did way less and I haven't been home for the holidays since 2011 🤷🏾‍♀

[@ergotempusvernum]

JFC, if you see divorce down road, just get the damn divorce. The children know you are fighting and will blame themselves for the fighting. Do the children a massive favor and divorce his cheating ass.

[@shamimtorang4390]

The OP makes my blood boil! I always regret giving people like her any relationship advice, they just find an excuse to run back into their toxic partners' arm.

[@MegaMegafran]

The toy comment made a lot of sense, this marriage is on its last leg and the reason everyone is telling her to get a divorce is because shes in so deep into the fog of her parents divorce and feeling like third wheel during those years that she cant see whats happening around her. I hope things get better for her kids they are the truly innocent bystanders on this clusterf**k that their parents made😞

[@amphoteric]

op: i turned out alright after my parents' divorce!!! also op: *is a total pushover*

[@laceyyfczangel7775]

Trauma dump time because I'm livid: The husband in this is obviously narcissistic and abusive (and with that plate throwing bs its only a matter of time before he's physically abusive too) Sooner or later this WILL extend to the children. That was my life. My mother was abused by my stepdad and eventually it turned on me and as time went on I became the main target. From a young age I BEGGED my mom to divorce him but she wouldn't "for the family" (I had 2 younger half siblings: his bio kids) When my brother started getting a mind of his own and questioned stepdad's abuse of me and my mother, he turned on my brother too. It took YEARS and I was 19 years old before my mom finally filed for divorce after I had to call her in hysterics, fearing for my life, because he was trying to break down my bedroom door with a weapon. 10 years later and I'm STILL trying to heal from those scars. I have a ton of trauma and so do my siblings. My brother is a very troubled person now and is struggling a lot. I struggled for a very long time and in some ways still do. I feel fundamentally broken by my upbringing.. I often wonder how much better I could have been if ex-stepdad wasn't in our lives. My mom has since apologized profusely on multiple occasions for not protecting me and my siblings well enough. I forgive her but I can tell that guilt still hangs over her to this day. I would have been SO on board with op flipping the script on her awful husband.. if it weren't for the kids. And her attitude about it makes my blood boil. I understand wanting to always see the kids but she's inevitably going to let them suffer in the name of her own selfishness on that front. Ugh...

[@moonie4423]

You’re a better person than me. I will never forgive my mom for letting my siblings and I be abused.

[@laceyyfczangel7775]

@@moonie4423 Thanks 🥺 To my mom's credit she did stand up for me/us to him on most occasions. He was super manipulative and lied a lot so sometimes she didn't know which of us to believe when she didn't see incidents for herself.. she learned as the years went on. Eventually she was on our side for a number of years and defended us in all ways except divorce. I think that, coupled with the fact that she was also a victim, helped me forgive her..

[@moonie4423]

@@laceyyfczangel7775 Oh I see. My mom never really defended us, although I would stand up for her. I’m glad urs did though, and that you can have a good relationship with her 😊

[@laceyyfczangel7775]

@@moonie4423 Thank you. I'm sorry you weren't defended..That took a lot of courage for you to stand up to your abuser. I wish you lots of love and healing ♡

[@moonie4423]

@@laceyyfczangel7775 Thank you I wish you the same 💗

[@strawberrysangria1474]

That last update is sad. OP has turned on the commenters for seeing their relationship as it really is. She's not in love with her husband anymore, and he's never actually loved her. This is a spite party, and staying for the kids is only going to hurt them more. Now her kids have to live with fighting parents screwing other people, and dad throwing dinnerplates. It's a toxic and abusive household.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

Only good thing is that the tables have turned.

[@tod557]

Hence why all people who want open relationships are just cheaters asking for permission to cheat

[@strawberrysangria1474]

@@tod557 That depends if they get into a monogamous relationship or not. Two people who are poly and respect each other's boundaries aren't cheating.

[@mommieminnesota3108]

Agree 100%

[@tod557]

@@strawberrysangria1474 same thing to me. Just cheating with an excuse. If its serious then there is no one els in there.

[@ElizaBetsy_]

OFFS, I literally thanked my mom multiple times for moving me 2 states away from my toxic mess of a father. You aren't doing anyone any favors OP.

[@edo0girl2.03]

My parents divorced when I was 3. When I was young I did wish that my parents had stayed together, but after I turned 10 I realized the divorce was the best thing for both me and my dad. My mom has been bitter and mean in every relationship she's ever been in except for the last one because he was just as mean to her as she was to him. My dad is a kind and gentle man and she thinks he's a spineless coward and only married him because he got her pregnant. Her words. After she had my brother, she stopped pretending to love him and they fought constantly until she kicked him out of the house. After my 10th birthday she started taking her bitterness out on me because I had a good relationship with my dad and all her efforts to poison us against him had failed. So their divorce was a blessing because it gave my dad peace and it gave me a safe haven away from her abuse. OP is actually lucky. If she never questioned whether her parents were better off divorced then they were probably really good at keeping their relationship problems from her and were probably great at co parenting. She probably never had to deal with them fighting during pick ups or listen to one say awful lies about the other to get her to hate them. She never wondered about how miserable they would be if they stayed together for her sake.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

The toy metaphor is the best one yet. He still wants to have open marriage just for him, not for her. Divorce, is actually the best option. She can actually meet someone who will love her and only her.

[@nemo7782]

Story 1: Open marriage means he wants to roam with impunity. He can do that after a divorce. He doesn't deserve marriage.

[@tumbleweed249]

Dollars to donuts OP's husband is going to tell the kids "Mommy cheated on me!" with lots of tears and wailing. He is going to manipulate every argument in his favor by playing wounded party. Meanwhile she is staying with a cheater, because if she thinks he waited to sleep around till the marriage opened, well I have some beach front property with scenic ocean views in the Mojave desert. All I can say to the OP is good luck and start saving for a exit plan, oh and get checked regularly for STDs.

[@thatwitchychick2717]

OP is using her children as an excuse to stay with a horrible and abusive man. A man who is willing to break things and scream when they get angry or don't get their way WILL escalate to violence against their partner and children. I was born into one of these situations. My mother could have gotten full custody of us but she used us as an excuse to stay and it almost cost us all our lives on numerous occasions. It's not something small that your partner utterly disrespects you. It's dangerous.

[@HoneyBakedHamlet]

It's like I could have written this. I was in a similar situation to the OP, about five years ago. My ex even went as far as to try to convince my boyfriend that I was lying about our open relationship and that I was just using him. Thankfully though, he didn't believe it and we're still together and happy today.

[@intetx]

I preyed in bed at night my parents would divorce and I would not have to see my father again. He would come home from work and try to find a reason to yell at me every day and bully me about my interests. Later I would find out he is my stepdad. He would usually stop when mum came home and she still does not believe me or accuses me that I am saying she was a bad mother when bringing it up.

[@stinkfaerie6552]

That's awful. I'm so sorry you suffered that abuse. You must understand that he was the weak and pathetic one. He probably felt threatened by you and was jealous that you had interests and were a nice person. What a loser.

[@robinwhite4148]

Husband wanted permission to cheat. He wanted his wife to be so devoted to him that she would never look at another man. He wanted her to stay home when he was getting it on with someone else and her to never have sex again.

[@kingsevil5255]

"I want an open relationship but I dont want to share you with anyone!" Op "yeah okay lol hurr" She's a bird. Period. This delusion is going to end in disaster.

[@faith-kj4pg]

OP: Is a real piece of work, she should enjoy these moments with the kids, because the minute they hit 18 its no contact from them. 10 years later, its "My parents were in a loveless marriage with constant cheating, but they stayed married for us"

[@jovonpierce7610]

Story 1: Hubby only wants to go outside the marriage, but wife can't see others. He needs to go if he doesn't change his tune. Open marriages go both ways.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

The kids will sense the loveless marriage and they will think that's normal.

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

This OP, by the end, is doing it to herself. Can't feel bad for her.

[@shadowkissed2370]

If this is a real story, she is really going to destroy her children's life trying to keep her marriage for her children, simply because she pined for her own parents to get back together. She thinks she is going to make her husband not want to screw other women and is willing to be the nanny, cook, and housekeeper for him while he goes out and sleeps with anything he wants.

[@francb1634]

OP has the husband she deserves

[@incineroar9933]

"Real tears." I'm sure your abuser was actually crying real tears. /S

[@afroteddybear]

I have come to understand, the best way to have an open marriage is to get a divorce. An open marriage is an oxymoron.

[@ondank]

Honestly, by the end of that story I just feel bad for the kids. The husband is genuinely a piece of shit. But keeping a piece of shit around and acting like a shit yourself isn't much better.

[@Mathilde1469]

How abusive this man is. He wants to make sure that his wife has to be dependent only on his attention and control. So he wants the open marriage so that he can further degrade her. EXCEPT she called his bluff. She’s only a possession to him. Good riddance.

[@kyriacarica5862]

The kids aren’t stupid. One day they’re going to hate both OP and her husband for putting them through this cesspool they call a marriage where they just try to one up each other out of spite. OP is getting all defensive because she knows something is horribly wrong with all of this but she refuses to admit it. She and her husband are both toxic (especially her husband, btw). I feel sorry for those kids.

[@jacobsmith-hi6ey]

an Open Marriage is easy. there's the door close it after signing the divorce papers.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Sometimes it’s extremely stressful to listen to these stories where OP makes less than great choices because of their insecurities and childhood traumas. I get how hard it can be, but when you’re a parent it’s so necessary to make choices that actually benefit them. Having a toxic, unhappy, and unhealthy marriage as your only example as how relationships should be and are will screw them up as adults, and they’ll likely have as miserable of relationships as OP unless they do deep work on themselves and acknowledge that the example they grew up with was not healthy.

[@jaymel4691]

I noticed when OP was talking about how she doesn't want a divorce, none of the happy aspects of her life involved her terrible husband. All the joy in her marriage comes from her children. Sooner or later, she's going to have to cut him loose because he will make her miserable. And her kids will notice that, if they haven't already. Of course kids want their parents to stay together, but if they're only together for their kids' sake, they would feel guilty. Those kids will also see their parents relationship as a model for their own relationships in the future. I know I would have felt guilty if my parents stayed together just for me, making each other miserable. I hope OP and her kids have a happy life eventually. I'm also worried about future controlling behavior and possible violence from the husband as time goes on and OP is no longer under his control. I hope she's being very careful.

[@brandi5126]

Wow, he said YOU we're brutal when he told you he wasn't unattractive after you had his kids and wants to band other women and get mad at you when you enjoy his arrangement for yourself? Nope. You aren't the brutal one and I'm glad you finally stood up for yourself.

[@toshi9742]

I’m glad OP has a somewhat level head but I’m saddened that she’s decided to stay with her abuser. I only hope that the kids are safe because the next stage is him making it out to them that she’s cheating to guilt trip her

[@veezopolis]

She doesn't have a level head she's reacting irrationally and trying to 'win' the disagreement with her kids in the middle

[@toshi9742]

@@veezopolis she was level enough to have a moment of clarity but I agree that she’s backtracked alot

[@veezopolis]

@@toshi9742 yeah around the middle she was making sense, but then she started saying she knows better than everyone else and everyone who is telling her something different is wrong and can shut up

[@toshi9742]

@@veezopolis hopefully she’ll get a moment of clarity again when he tries his next scheme

[@dewo929]

Staying in her marriage is about her, not her kids. Her husband has let her know he could careless about spending time with the kids.

[@sierraj.1459]

I absolutely despise people like OPs husband; with these stories are always the same type-they want permission to cheat and keep a person at their home for their leisure. But despite OPs remarks she really should divorce, this whole bit on 'my kids will suffer for being divorcee children' just isn't true. There is worse things than being a child to a divorced couple, like-I dunno...being stuck with a toxic/manipulative couple growing up. She is a kid of divorce herself, she knows what to do to avoid making them feel any negative way she did growing up. They need to separate and move on rather than dragging this out between each other, at this point I think she is kinda relishing in the drama. Not only that she is screwing over any of her partners too...its not an open marriage they are participating in, as it clearly isn't 'consensual' between them, so anyone they hook up with are being dragged into their toxicity. Just gross all around.

[@sadtitties222]

Exactly! Actual poly and open relationships are supposed to involve people who are fully on board from the start and are respectful of each other's boundaries and everyone is getting something out of it. These two are not truly poly or interested in the lifestyle. OP's husband just a loser man baby who wanted an excuse to cheat and OP is only going along with this to prove a point and to get back at her husband. Like, I'm happy at least that she managed to take away some of that smugness from her pos husband, but she really is shooting herself in the foot by deciding to stay with him, especially when their children are involved. It's sad because since she admitted she's actually monogamous, she's throwing away her chance of being truly happy by continuing down this route. It really does seem that J really desired her and probably would have loved her the way she needed to be loved. Now everyone in this sh*tshow is gonna be living in misery because no one wants to admit defeat and break the status quo of the "perfect happy family". 😔

[@monkeynumbernine]

30 years ago, my husband wanted an open marriage - here's the twist- he wanted me to sleep with other guys because the idea of it turned him on 🙄 I knew it was a bad idea and it would ruin our marriage. I refused. He let it go... for a while. Eventually, he talked me into it. He is 15 years older than me, and, at the time, I really adored and admired him. Of course, I was right. I met another man, fell in love with him, divorced my husband. 3 decades later, we are remarried, but the open marriage plan is so damaging... I can't imagine how anyone could believe their relationship will be improved in any way.

[@BlastFromThePastTheGoodOldDays]

Did he want to introduce you to the guys you would sleep with? Sounds more like he wanted to pimp you out than have an open marriage.

[@Sarah-yj6lf]

"They won't stop until they get the ending they want to hear." I've always hated reality TV because it's just people getting their lives turned upside down for everyone else's entertainment. Realizing now that this subreddit is no different.

[@willb9259]

The op and her husband are not emotionally mature enough for a marriage fr🤦🏿‍♂️

[@zachf748]

That husband is pretty despicable… A small, immature, shallow, manipulative narcissistic. That only wanted to go screw around while his wife stayed at home. Him getting in contact with J proves it.

[@thesacredbeast2000]

i feel really bad for the kids involved here, like divorce isn't going to ruin their lives, constant tension from a dumpster fire of a marriage is

[@blaszizzz]

As a child of divorced parents I'm happy they separated. My dad was abusive to my mom in many ways, he was constantly coming home drunk. My sisters and I were so scared most of the times. I'm so grateful for my mom for getting us out of this toxic environment and providing us with a better future and a chance to grow up in a better, safer environment. People need to stop trying to pretend that staying together is the best outcome for the kids, when a lot of times it isn't. My dad is still trying to manipulate us, guilt trip and still talks shit about my mom 24 years later! I still suffer mentally from all of it, hence I don't talk to him very often.

[@Sneakk1799]

this is the Markee Anthem . every one think he is crazy , he is weird, he is goofy, he is bananaas. But u dont know him . Why judge ? One day , u will see, he wasnt Crazy after all

[@ruddiko]

Lol but nobody think he's crazy 🤣

[@4NeonFun]

@@ruddiko Not here but the flying monkeys in his social circles definitely do. Abusers will say that they are justified in their reaction and manipulate the situation to make themselves the victim despite the fact they have instigated this whole time and being detatched from reality.

[@Dracojax]

I think the Anthem should start with Ogtha and Paimon sitting on a couch

[@amandasunshine2]

@@Dracojax if the anthem doesn't involve Paimon and Ogtha, I don't want any of it

[@huh4963]

The first story made me sad for op. I honestly would have left. I felt the same way about my ex. I told him how I felt. Of course he wasn’t happy but he understood. People if your not happy in a relationship; leave

[@fiyahquacker2835]

The whole video is 1 story with multiple parts/chapters.

[@spongebobonmolly]

you can’t ask for an open relationship then get upset when your partner starts seeing other people. he was betting on the hope she’d never actually find anyone while he can sleep around all he wants.

[@katiecakesl4691]

OP seems like she is in deep denial. She is in a loveless marriage. It isnt going to work. She needs therapy. They need therapy. And they should divorce.

[@tod557]

No one needs sex or they will go crazy. People who want open relationships are just cheaters and never really loved their significant other. Period.

[@adrix2423]

He is bananas, and she is bananas, that's why they are together. 😑😑😑

[@ladyv5655]

When a couple has been monogamous for a long time and the one of the partners, out of nowhere says, "I want an open marriage." , what he/she is really saying is "I want permission to cheat, but don't want YOU to cheat." For me, the marriage would be over and I would set the ground rules for the arrangement, but not actually look for new sex partners. Instead, I would hire a PI to see if my spouse was following the rules and hire a lawyer to start preparing for the divorce. I would also begin separating our finances and securing any loose ends concerning property. Then I'd blindside him/her with divorce papers. Devious, maybe, but that's what that kind of spouse deserves.

[@incineroar9933]

10 to 1 odds the husband found out and her change of tune is entirely due to him reading over her shoulder.

[@sasoridanna9250]

This woman is just as self absorbed as her husband. She's not actually thinking about what her children want or need, she's clutching at what she has because she's convinced herself that she's being selfless.

[@rmhartman]

the toy analogy was actually perfect.

[@marydewitt9623]

Wow. Tht woman is going to be so surprised when the husband leaves her after all. Her husband is all about him, and she is only fooling herself that the marriage is not over already.

[@ComaLies225]

Story 1: it sounds like OPs husband wanted to be the only one to have extra affairs but not his wife. I don’t suggest open marriages unless both parties are sure they can handle it. Otherwise, it’s opening a Pandora’s box of crap that no one wants to deal with. Maybe I’m a Bish but I love the fact that the wife was extremely brutal

[@Jeremiahbullfr0g]

Op and her husband belong together, both ignorant and toxic. She’s now gaslit him into staying in an arrangement he’s not happy in, just as he did to her in the beginning. Y’all wild. Glad it’s not my relationship 🤣

[@daylamore3300]

Lol Op being more mad at the commenters, for telling her to leave her crappy husband vs being angry at her shitty husband…is telling. Lol She’ll stay until HE leaves the marriage. Lol

[@amerlin388]

Given what she knew, when husband smugly announced they should continue to try the open marriage after all, I so wanted her to say, "Oh good. I have three potential lovers lined up and didn't want to loose the chance to see if it pans out with any, or all, of them."

[@catalinacaro8183]

Golden rule for open relationships: don't give what you can't take. Want to sleep around? Yeah, can you watch you partner sleep around? no?, THEN F*KING CONTROL YOURSELF AND KEEP IT CLOSED

[@captainawkward3860]

"He never liked any of the women he's sleeping with" Ah true Literally cried in the process probably too

[@faeriefire78]

If my husband stopped touching me for 5 years because he isn't attracted to me anymore that would be enough for me. I know everyone is different, but that's soul-crushing rejection right there and I wouldn't be able to move past it.

[@ch1ckmom217]

Husband: I want an open marriage, means, I want a free ticket to sleep around with other women while you stay home with the kids and is fine with this and don't even try to sleep around with other men either. This open marriage only works if I'm the only one sleeping around with other women. Basically a one sided open marriage, if you can even call it that. At this point just get a divorce and go sleep around with all the women you want to. Oh and one more thing, J isn't breaking a family apart, OP and her husband are. Yes, J knew she was married and proceeded with seeing her and having sex with her but at some point he probably thought that she would divorce her husband and have something more meaningful with her but he was the bigger person by not continuing the relationship because honestly OP and her husband continue to sleep around with other people, thinking that their children will never find out but eventually will one day and they are not going to like their reaction.

[@JustAGirlOnline]

Really loved u/Nyx_Shadowspawn's Toy analogy in the first update comments, pretty spot on. Honestly, it started to be come like it's own short story for a while there and I was invested.

[@Cooper016]

OP says she's a child of divorced parents and turned out alright. NO, no you did not. You we're a pushover for most of your marriage and now when your husband is literally throwing red flags at you, you're still being a bit of a pushover. Your children will be messed up because all they're going to see is their parents being vindictive and hostile. Sure you'll treat your kids fine but it's only a matter of time before the husband starts whispering words of manipulation into those kids. "Mommy doesn't love you, mommy is going to leave me for a guy she's seeing, ect" She's as much of a pushover as she was before. Fine with telling strangers off because they're strangers. We're going to see another update or a new story in a few years. "My husband requested an open marriage years ago, I tried doing it my way, it backfired horribly and now my children won't speak to me." Calling it now.

[@veezopolis]

The first OP is so dumb. She had to be convinced that he is okay with the open marriage after getting rid of her sexual partner. Grow a backbone

[@WritersOnTheWall]

poly is how you start or end a relationship, that's it.

[@Togishungry]

Why did she even post if she refused to listen to the feedback? Oh, right, because she was willing to hear only validation

[@rmhartman]

yesterday he was back to open marriage, but today it's all "just us" again. every time YOU would be getting something out of it, he has to mark his territory.

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

Op's a disappointment. Does she not realize that she and her husband are who her children will learn about relationship dynamics from? This is not a healthy relationship. She was a selfish kid about her parents divorcing because for her it was all about her instead of the fact that it was not a good relationship and now she's being selfish by not divorcing because again it's all about her and not caring that her kids will have to live in this unhealthy relationship. Also, with OP's wanting to be with J until he "finds his forever girl" - yeah, no, his being with her will prevent him from finding that girl because either the girl he becomes interested won't want to commit to someone who is clearly screwing someone else or he simply won't look for anyone else. At least OP is not selfish about this. OP needs to get therapy to deal with her feelings about divorce being a bad thing, and then divorce her scumbag husband. Divorce isn't a bad thing because it ends marriages when the marriages it ends are bad ones.

[@debbietaylor2983]

The one thing I didn't read here was "My husband is a loving and devoted Dad". If she is really thinking about her children, then she should really think about them.

[@civivva4501]

Every single 'I want to open up our relationship' story ends the same way. The person who wants to open up the marriage fails and gets jealous when the other partner is more successful and happy with someone else🤣

[@shells500tutubo]

And apparently it is true that it is much easier for a woman to find partners than it is for men, for whatever reason. Just stereotyping here, but maybe the women want more than an attractive face and want to be able to hold a conversation with the guy and the man just wants sex. I don't know, because I as a woman have always acknowledged (in my younger days) that lust was just as valid as love, but I guess a lot of people have a hard time separating the two.

[@mrshub929]

Omg, the attitude she exudes is ridiculous. She goes to Reddit for advice, yet when it doesn't fit her narrative she gets hateful, smh. Her husband told her he wasn't sexuallu attracted to her any more. If that were me I'd wash my hands of him and get a divorce. I'd be damned if I'd ever consider staying with my husband if he made me feel Unattractive to him. We've been together for 21 years and still he makes sure I feel sexy and desired by him, yet even with 21 years shared, if he made me feel the way her husband made her feel, I'd leave in a heartbeat. He doesn't respect her, hell she doesn't respect herself (so I guess why should he?) Her kids will be the saddest part of it all, either growing up not respecting themselves or growing up thinking loveless marriages are ok. Smh. While I love all your videos Markee wish I hadn't listened to this one cuz PHEW she has me irritated lol!