I Gave My Girlfriend An Ultimatum, Have Kids With Me Or We're Done r/Relationships

[@shellchenonceau6987]

Even if you have 2 siblings born close in age, they are NOT automatically going to be best friends, and cannot force them to be.

[@thedestroyasystem]

Fr, like I hate how people just assume siblings are “built in friends”. Like nah, they’re still people with different personalities. Sometimes they’ll get along great, sometimes they won’t. You shouldn’t have another child JUST to provide companionship to your existing child(ren); the fact that that’s such a big motivator for OP’s desire for kids is concerning.

[@emilybarclay8831]

Me and my sister (2-3yr age gap) absolutely HATER eachother for most of our childhoods which only changed once i went off to uni, and were really close now as adults. Siblings are more often rivals and your first bully than friends

[@moon7shinev150]

Seriously I don't why people immediately assume that. My sister and I are almost two years apart and fight a lot. We care about each other but are definitely not besties

[@nekolalia3389]

Case in point, story 2.

[@nessa4042]

Yeah, I am the eldest of 4 siblings, we are all just under 2 years apart(26f/24m/22m/20f) and honestly I'm only still somewhat close with my sister (we still both live at home, so proximity definitely plays a part, though I think we'll get closer again now that she's coming into adulthood) all 4 of us are such different people our mom is mystified how despite growing up close in age and relatively the same, we were only really friends with each other when we were elementary school age, once we hit highschool it was less friendly and more bullying/rivals with each other and now we probably wouldn't talk to each other if not for our mom bringing us around each other so we interact, one of my brothers is finally growing up so maybe we'll get closer again but the other I wouldn't care if he disappeared cause he's become more abusive towards everybody.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Ugh the ministrokes😡😡😡 I forgot that detail of the story. I have an 8 yr old, I'm almost 30, I'm done having kids is plenty, but then she had very severe illness during her pregnancy. OP is so manipulative, selfish, and self centered. He got his siblings involved. This woman isn't a person. She's just an incubator, a vessel for a future child. He did this 💩 after Reddit raked him over the coals. He's impossible. I'm so glad his ex is his ex. We all deserve better.

[@scarlettg.5772]

I know I heard this one before but forgot the mini strokes too. He is awful…

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

Story one: the OP should have left at the beginning. She has a right to say no to more kids. He has no right to demand for her to have more kids when she's doing all of the physical work

[@staysilent4392]

I read that wrong and was about to get mad, but yeah. You are definitely right.

[@orenmontgomery8250]

True. But he also has a right to leave at any time for any reason.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@orenmontgomery8250 No one's arguing against that. They're saying that he knew she didn't want more kids so it would've been better if he'd been up front about wanting more and left earlier on.

[@orenmontgomery8250]

@user-uo8nk2tu6r okay, so we all agree on all points made. Personally, I don't see the problem. I can say that there's basically a 0% chance she would regret having another kid, though (of course, it IS her decision). I can't imagine what sort of parent would wish they didn't have the next child and only kept the X amount they had. If it's a problem of him wanting more children but her not wanting the wear and tear on her body adoption should be on the table. If it's a matter of him wanting his own genetic child in the chain of humanity he should DEFINITELY have been up-front with that and left as soon as he knew she wasn't on board since she already had hers.

[@mewlover2482]

@Oren Montgomery No one is arguing that anyone can leave any relationship. But it's him trying to say he'd leave her if she doesn't put her body at potential risk for 9 months to make a baby for him is just selfish sounding. She told him at first that she doesn't see herself having more kids. He could have left then instead of staying and then trying to give her a demand of a baby or him leaving.

[@flyingballerinaswirral7688]

She made her stance clear from day 1. Dude is shocked that him trying to dictate and interpret her own life experiences to her went down like a lead balloon. He literally insists she simply doesn't understand her own perspectives just because they don't align with his. He literally *FORGOT* a condition she has talked about that was probably the most traumatic thing she ever went through. Ugh. How arrogant and manipulative can one person be? He's callous and vile, and frankly screams of the kind of misogyny that sees women as walking incubators that can't yet recognise their BioLoGiCaL ImPerAtiVe to be mothers and raise a brood. Also the fact that he thinks anyone's mind can be changed with enough persuasion... I wonder if he applies this logic to men and women equally tbh 🤔 👀

[@catherinecox573]

He was so sure he could change her mind 🤢

[@jaymel4691]

What a dick. She literally said at the start she only wanted ONE child, her son, and no others. He even said then that it was too early "to complain or try to change her mind". He should've known from then they were incompatible. He just assumed he could just change her mind or wear her down. She's better off without this guy. And I have to wonder if he's so obsessed with having his own kids, how does he treat her kid and how would he have treated the kid in the future compared to "his" kids? Jerk needs to listen to people's expressed wishes and desires. Him assuming she would change her mind is incredibly stupid and disrespectful. And he's even more an asshole for only recognizing he's an asshole after he "remembered" she had a medical condition that could make pregnancy lethal for her. No, OP, you were an asshole because you thought you could pressure her to change her mind when you already KNEW what she wanted. Her reasons for not wanting more kids don't matter. You were still an asshole the entire time. You were an asshole because you knew from the start she didn't want more kids, but ignored her wants and thought you could make her change them. I hope you grow up and learn to respect people, especially the people you claim to love. After the update, I am glad to see that at least OP recognizes how stupid and shitty he was and he may be finally learning his lesson. I hope for the sake of his future partners and children that he means it.

[@GallowayJesse]

He sounds like a hardcore narcissist

[@amandasunshine2]

The way he talked about her, like she was his property, not a completely separate and independent human being, reminded me of how my ex treated me.

[@WobblesandBean]

Poor girl. She's 0 for 2 with the guys she's dated throughout her life. OP 1 needs to leave her alone.

[@maddy8328]

Change her mind? She outright said she doesn't want to have another. Why did you even stay together if you knew she didn't want another? Because of her age? There are MANY other factors of why it was hard for her. "Not feeling valued" your not valuing her thoughts and options. You are seeing her as a baby machine

[@orchidoxs126]

Definitely and how could he forget her health condition? She had mini strokes through out her pregnancy and he disregarded that.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@orchidoxs126 Exactly! He was always planning to "change her mind" so he should've given up as soon as he heard that. There's no way he could've just forgotten that massive glaring issue surrounding the birth of her child. Especially when he remembered the other less important details about it so he could try and convince her.

[@Yakerina]

Because "We were too early". The number of times I've heard of people who got into relationships, with those who've insisted that they're okay with them not wanting children, but then it turns out they thought you'd change your mind....

[@pookiesis1465]

@@Yakerina I think she should still leave. I can see the,"oops,i dont know how those holes got in the condom,oh well,its a miracle!" speech.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@pookiesis1465 She did

[@plazmapple6326]

Funeral OP: Wow she really fumbled right at the end. She only had one more thing she needed to put up with and then be done forever.

[@shells500tutubo]

It wouldn't have been done with after the funeral. Think about a man losing his wife and best friend of over twenty years, because Op certainly wasn't important to him. No, he will be mourning her for years to come and will expect Op to just understand it, and if he has to choose he will choose the dead wife. Op just needs to choose herself for a change.

[@plazmapple6326]

@@shells500tutubo Fair point, but she would have had a stronger position if she had just gone to the funeral and kept quiet.

[@SunBeeSmoked]

@@shells500tutubo he lost a childhood best friend, of course he’d be mourning for years and of course that’s something your wife should be understanding of wtf

[@noobfuzilado8661]

Story one: There is no such thing as convincing people to have children. OP should have ended the relationship early on, and started looking for someone with the same goals as him. I bet his girlfriend would have ended the relationship herself if she'd known from the start that he wanted kids.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

There's no shortage of people who want to have kids. Why go after someone who has openly stated that they don't, and try to breed with them anyway? What's to be gained from that? Does it do something for their ego? Will it make them feel good to know they "conquered" their partner and made them bend to their will?

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@AngryReptileKeeper 💯

[@doggolovescheese1310]

100%

[@Batman-lg2zj]

He shouldn’t have ended it earlier but he shouldn’t have been a jerk

[@Theimmure]

@@Batman-lg2zj If it was a real incompatibility, then yes he should have.

[@tamsel814]

both story 1 and 3 both seem to be about the same issue. If a partner asks if you are okay with something (kids or being friend with ex partners) do mention that you are so if you are not. just be upfront about stuff if you are not okay with something. Lying makes both OPs the AH

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

EXACTLY! 💯🎯

[@terribleeditor4556]

Story 3: Imagine telling your spouse "that person you knew for 20+ years? Yeah. I say that you don't get to her funeral, even though she was your friend and ex long before you met me." Like my God, what kind of take is that? I hope the husband divorces, Jesus.

[@BritInvLvr]

Story one: I’m so sick of OP in the short blurb of his story. He knew the gf didn’t want kids but thought he’s so wonderful that she’ll want them with him! Ugh. He has a right to want kids but just not with her. Find someone else, dummy! I admire the gf for walking away.

[@brialapoint2608]

He had it good too. He stopped appreciating what he had and wanted more. That was a life lesson

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

How can anyone resist the charms of magic super sperm? Sperm so powerful that it can knock down any health risks or concerns? Morning sickness? No issue for MSS! Mini strokes? Literally doesn’t stand a chance against MSS!

[@janwel74]

“It was too early for me to complain about it or try to change her mind” AH. Big time. She was upfront from the start and he, instead of accepting that they had different goals and part in amicable terms, he made her lose her time with the sole purpose to wear her down and force her to bend to his will. King size AH ETA: and after making an empty ultimatum and getting his a** served back to him, he has the audacity to say he would have him by her side. Yeah, he just threatened to abandon her (and her child) if she didn’t do what he wants. Such a proof of reliability!

[@YourXavier]

Indeed. It seems like "accepting her wishes for her own life" was never even considered as an option.

[@fytrndm]

Also... He "forgot" about her mini stroke during her pregnancy. Bro, you don't forget those crap, these are the things you remember about your partner. She already told him why and her medical condition was the reason, yet he decided he could "change her mind" eventually. Nah, nope. Bro's a moron.

[@bautistalover]

Even without his ultimatum they were never going to make it. He wants kids and she doesn’t, there was no way around this.

[@ineedhoez]

Yesssss

[@TheAwesomes2104]

​​@@fytrndm Yeah, that part broke my heart. I have a condition that would make carrying a baby to term essentially a death sentence, and it really just makes you lose faith in humanity to see how people really see women. If I told my own mother tomorrow that I was going to go base jumping, she'd go on and on about how dangerous it was and that losing my life would never be worth the experience, but the second I tell her I will never attempt to have children, I'm selfish in her mind. She, and a large portion of people in my life, fully expect me to risk my life to have a baby, even going to the extent of telling me how when I died trying, they would take care of the baby. To a depressingly huge part of the population, my life as a woman is a tiny and insignificant price to pay for an imaginary baby. It's almost like they forget that if you die before birth, so does the baby. They don't even care, they'd rather risk you and the child both dying a thousand times if there's even a snowball's chance in hell that they could get a baby out of it. I've had a friend that's a doctor tell my mom and an ex bf verbatim that if I got pregnant and tried to keep it, they'd be better off investing in a coffin than a crib, and they didn't even flinch in their conviction that I should do it anyways. It really doesn't help that my sister also had bad odds as surviving pregnancy, but decided to try anyways, and by some miracle survived twice and got 2 healthy babies. I get my nieces thrown in my face all the time like "if Sister didn't do it anyways, we never would have had these awesome kids in our life." and refuse to understand that we just got lucky, and the most likely outcome would have been that we would have had neither of them and lost my sister forever. By all means, I have no problem that she decided her life without kids wasn't worth living and to risk it anyways, but ever since the whole family has projected their extreme survivors bias onto me. It's just truly disgusting to think half the people in your life actually care about you only to find out they care more about what your body can provide them than they ever did about you, your body, and your life.

[@annamcnarin]

Oh my God, the OP in story 3 regardless of how they felt about their relationship has the most disgusting outlook I've ever heard.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

So OP was abused and manipulated by her husband, who seems to still be in love with/having an emotional affair with his ex wife because OP is so worthless she'll never ever be better than the ex wife. Enabler of abuse

[@annamcnarin]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt Gonna guess you don't have any poly friends or understand that mindset, which Op also seems to not get, which is fair as it's not for everyone.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@annamcnarin ????????? This isn't a poly thing at all, why tf are you bringing poly into it??? Also no, I know people who are poly so don't go around making wild assumptions

[@stephanien6237]

She sounds deranged.

[@stephanien6237]

@@annamcnarin not sure YOU understand a poly relationship if you can’t recognize when there isn’t one in this story. 😂😂😂

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

If you have different life goals, one wants kids, one wants to be childfree, then you’re incompatible. Break up. Don’t give an ultimatum. Edit: In this case, she has one child and wants no more. That’s also ok. He wants more kids, she doesn’t. Different life goals. Edit 2: He literally brings up all of their friends who have or are having kids to try and persuade her. And gets offended that she doesn’t change her mind. Edit 3: So he gave an ultimatum and now is upset that she made her choice.

[@MemristerBoogieDown]

It’s weird how it’s usually the people giving ultimatums that don’t really understand how ultimatums work. Lol

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@MemristerBoogieDown true 😂

[@thedestroyasystem]

I’m glad he’s showing reflection at the end, though. Hopefully having this relationship blow up and having his ex, and everyone on Reddit, call him an AH will be the catalyst he needs to be less of a dick in the future. He’s never getting her back, nor should he, but I hope going forward this experience helps him become a better partner.

[@anthonystike6034]

@@thedestroyasystem Probably won't happen.

[@keplersdream901]

@@thedestroyasystem No, he didn't. He still has a monumental case of man-titlement. He's only pissed and whiny because the ultimatum backfired. Men like him, meaning 99% of men, think women are objects and can be "molded" to fit their fantasies ... until they're replaced with the new model. OP's ex needs to focus on her kid and career and not get mixed up with any more dicks.

[@SMey54]

Let me rephrase 1st OP’s statement about GF’s initial response as “too early to change her mind” to “too early to manipulate her to bend to my wants.”

[@joimumu]

Ether way you slice it they are not fit for each other he wants children she doesn’t

[@sadkingbilly]

@@joimumu he’s definitely not fit for her, or any well thinking woman.

[@jakeand9020]

​@@sadkingbilly He was an ass and made some AH decisions, but that's a bit much.

[@ineedhoez]

Facts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@olstar18]

And yet if it was a woman trying to manipulate their bf or husband your story would change to how terrible the husband is to refuse to be manipulated.

[@TheFlowerchild712]

Story 3: What an evil, heartless person. My mom barely survived an aneurysm rupturing when I was twelve. They can be sudden devastating. The only reason she lived was cause she got taken to a good hospital immediately. I can't even imagine how both husbands are feeling in this story. I'm so sad for them. OP is a monster.

[@stephanien6237]

That op sounds like a robot who has never experienced human emotion. “Do don’t get to go to a funeral because that person ‘doesn’t exist’ anymore”?! Um yeah, that’s the whole point of a funeral.

[@robertx8020]

This I bet if the friend was male she would have no problems ..so she was jealous from the start!

[@matthewenfinger766]

I'm glad to hear that your mother is still with yall. I have a cousin (40 female) whose husband just passed away less than a yr ago, went to the hospital complaining of a headache, they sent him home and told him to see his Dr on Monday (it was Saturday), Sunday had to call an ambulance, stiff neck and couldn't walk. Was dead less than 48 hrs later, blood clott and something else I can't quite remember. Now she's a widow raising 2 kids on her own. Well, not her own, families helping, but still, it's awful. Also, if anyone's wondering, he was like 40 or 41. We weren't close, so I can't remember. Anyways, that OP is a horrible excuse for a human being and her husband deserves better. Honestly shouldn't of even gotten married. He told her that him and his ex were good friends and if that bothered her, to let him know and they could part ways. He gave OP an out, but she didn't take it. I honestly wanna know how her mask didn't slip sooner. I hope there's an update soon that her husband is filing for divorce. I'm gonna have to find the story on reddit and keep an eye out if there's any future updates.

[@TheFlowerchild712]

@@matthewenfinger766 I'm so sorry about your cousin's husband.

[@harxmoond]

I feel like he hoodwinked the husband.

[@ivorynk752]

Oh, boy. OP in story 3 sounds so cold blooded. She probably thought the ex/friend was the biggest threat to her marriage, but it is only now that she is gone that her relationship is crashing and burning.

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

Once again, a selfish ultimatum destroys a relationship

[@brianapinvidic9376]

The lady in the third story is all kinds of crazy. ‘She’s dead so she doesn’t exist and you have no right to care’. I can’t believe this at all. ‘You don’t think you’re going, do you?” Like it’s up to her at all. An actual monster

[@angellee7143]

Last story: Wow. When he told her he would choose the best friend over her, then she should have walked away. She knew what it was from the start and decided to stay. I would be shocked if the husband does not divorce her.

[@FlowersforCapitu]

Exactly! Tbh I would have left the moment he told me he hadn't been forthcoming about who the friend actually was. She's an awful, awful woman, but I can't help but be shocked at the husband as well. OP's flag is just so red it makes his look pink

[@MakiPcr]

@@FlowersforCapitu if someone I'd been dating for a few months told me to choose between them and my cat, I'd pick my cat, she's been in my life longer. People aren't bad for choosing platonic relationships over romance, would you say it's wrong to put a beloved sibling or parent over a partner?

[@FlowersforCapitu]

@@MakiPcr i never said it was wrong, I just agreed that op should have left him because that paired with the omission is suspicious. Had it just been him saying he would chose a lifelong friend over a short romantic relationship, I probably would have been hurt, but would get over it, but he wasn't honest about it from the beginning, which would be the tipping point for me

[@MakiPcr]

@@FlowersforCapitu you're right I'm sorry. That relationship should've ended early and spare husband 10 years with a manipulative asshole

[@shells500tutubo]

@@MakiPcr Beg pardon? The husband was the manipulative one.

[@sandracox4341]

Story 3: husband told you up front he would choose his ex over you. The time to make any decision regarding a relationship was right then.

[@DarkDesertRose]

Story 1: Something people don't understand in relationships is that there are some things that can't be compromised, and kids is one of them. He's definitely TA for trying to push her to have another one, but not TA for wanting kids. He honestly should've left way back at the beginning when she first said she didn't want more.

[@InDeathWeLove]

Yeah I feel commenters skipped over this so much that OP was even convinced that just feeling that wanting kids over a relationship with his girlfriend was an unacceptable position when it isn't. The way he went about it was wrong, however a disconnect of wanting kids vs not wanting kids is a totally legitimate reason to break up with someone.

[@joimumu]

Agree he should have told earlier if she doesn’t want more children he can’t stay with her and just like he has to respect her choices she has to respect his

[@ineedhoez]

Exactly! That is early dating type conversation. I am talking 2nd or 3rd date. Sometimes the 1st date, depending on how the conversation is flowing. But definitely having those conversations by the 3rd date.

[@momshardrockvideos]

Last story: yes YTA! He told you upfront how important she was. YOU chose to be with him. How awful a person you are. Hope he leaves you, he’d be better off.

[@hritwiksom3032]

Last story: This is beyond YTA. I honestly hope no one gets a spouse (yes spouse, not wife) like her. The husband was crystal clear about his friendship. See she was not just an ex, she was his best friend of 20+ years (12 then). There's no fucking way no one should ever cut off any relationship over 5 years unless it is toxic. This wasn't, it was purely platonic, everything was transparent and above board, no sneaky stuff, even her husband was fine with it. Those years of marriage that OP kept quiet about her resentment when she could leave anytime turned her into a heartless monster. I cannot imagine losing my best friend and someone just telling me to forget her unless they've got a death wish. The part where she says she feels relieved when the bff died. I was close to crying as I imagined myself in OP's husband's shoes. I never want to or would wish someone meet a person like her. Like there's cheating spouses who break hearts and give trust issues. But this is soul shattering.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

I've heard the last story before. OP's complete and total lack of introspection, zero respect for boundaries, inability to see that there are consequences and reprisals to her actions is just staggering. She has no empathy, no sense of compassion and ordered her husband not to go to his former wife / best friend's funeral? I used to think people like this didn't exist, at least, only existed in fairy tales as villains. Then I ended up befriending someone who turned out to be very much like OP. We're no longer friends, but I heard from a mutual friend, whom I was fortunately able to wake up to what a toxic parasitic waste of space my former friend is, and she had this to say about taking care of her mother-in-law: “I wish she would catch covid and die already. I'm tired of taking care of her.” Sounds like a lovely person, doesn't she?

[@darkmask5933]

Husband is an AH too though, hiding the fact his "best friend" was his ex-wife until they were already in a relationship, telling OP if he has to choose between her and his ex he would always choose his ex? Don't get me wrong, OP is a monster, but let's not pretend the husband is a poor little angel, he's an emotionally abusive manipulator. He wanted a wife who "knew her place" that she would be #2 to his friend, so what was he expecting? Frankly they were made for each other and divorce will be the best thing for them.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

While I can agree she shouldn't have done what she did, the husband actively kept telling OP she never was going to be as good as his ex and that the ex would always be his number one, with saying "if you have an issue then I'll choose her over you" WITHOUT HER SAYING ANYTHING OTHER THAN SHE WAS UNCOMFY

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@darkmask5933 literally, both of them need to leave eachother and get heavy therapy, but I don't think the husband will ever change. I wouldn't be surprised if they were still hooking up

[@awseven1144]

Thank you! I know the OP was an AH but that husband was just as bad. It’s usually expected that when you marry someone else they become your priority, not an ex. I get they were friends but he clearly held breaking up over her head so he could have his cake and eat it too. OP should have just left him when that ultimatum was first made. Any time someone gives out an ultimatum, not worth it.

[@SailorMya]

@@awseven1144 Right! His actions pale a bit in comparison to OP but they are still both awful people! He gave the first ultimatum to get his way, then when he couldn't hold it over OP anymore, because his "other option" was gone, she finally feels like she can get the upper hand which, given the timing, was extremally tactless on her part. See both are awful in their own ways! OP could have saved herself a lot of grief if she had seen the red flag that the ultimatum was and walked right then. He started it she just wanted to finish it in the worst possible way. Both are awful but especially the lack of empathy from OP after she "won"...

[@shawnycoffman]

Story one: I have to give kudos to OP for being humbled enough to see the error of his ways. Instead of stubbornly digging his heels in and dying on that manipulative self-absorbed hill, he actually reflected on his actions, realized he was very wrong, and repented. This is how we mature and grow. I also think the most painful lessons are the most valuable.

[@keplersdream901]

He didn't, though. He kept at it like a typical male. This is why women should NOT date or fuck men. They lose 100% of the time, financially AND emotionally.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you. I obviously didn't like OP for trying to force his ex to have children with him. But it seems like he's actually seeing the error of his ways. I really hope he becomes a better person, but it's up to OP to take this as a hard lesson, not to force your dreams and wishes onto others.

[@pookiesis1465]

I think she should still leave. I can see the,"oops,i dont know how those holes got in the condom,oh well,its a miracle!" speech.

[@pookiesis1465]

Also,he wants her to do wifely duties as a girlfriend? Hell no

[@InDeathWeLove]

I think he swung a little too far the opposite direction after reading reddit's usual biased comments. His wanting kids and ending the relationship over this difference is reasonable. Just the way he went about it wasn't. Now he sounds like simply him wanting kids can't be prioritised over staying with her is unreasonable which it isn't.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Story 1- OPs attitude towards womens bodies is one of the reasons women have to fight so incredibly hard to get sterilised. While men can just easily get a vasectomy, women have to go through years of asking because "we might change our mind" or "meet a guy who wants kids".

[@spikesgirl9371]

The huge difference is a vasectomy is reversible in most cases and tubals are not. About 30 years ago there were a rash of lawsuits that doctors lost because they serialized women who claimed they didn't realize it was permanent and they were too young. Doctors would do them day and night because they get paid to do it. Lawsuits guide alot.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

@@spikesgirl9371 I understand what you're saying, but the women I know who have been through the struggle of trying to be sterilised are all well aware that it's permanent. I can understand how women would be unaware of this 30 years ago, but the majority (in the UK at least) are aware that it's a permanent procedure, and more medically complex and higher risk than a vasectomy. If women are made aware ( and are willing to sign a document acknowledging this) of this being irreversible, then tubal litigation should be easier to access. Unfortunately, despite acknowledging the permanence of the surgery, women are still denied tubal litigation due to the risk of them "changing their minds" when they "meet the right guy". I know quite a few women who have been denied sterilisation for this exact reason. Each time they were denied in case they changed their minds. When some of them finally managed to get their tubes tied, they said it was the best decision they've ever made.

[@TheAwesomes2104]

​​@@spikesgirl9371 Any doctor that treats a vasectomy as "reversible" should be banned from preforming them. There's still a ~10% chance that it can never be reversed, and leading patients to believe it's less of a big deal than a tubal ligation because it's "more reversible" is trying to set up 1 out of every 10 patients up for a world of heart ache. If a car has a 1 in 10 chance of breaking down, you don't commit to a continental road trip in it. It also confuses me that you think most tubal ligations can't be reversed, since estimates of reversals for tubal ligation (differs greatly based on the type) can be as high as 85% for those done with clips or rings. We're talking only a 5-10% difference in the chance here. Definitely not a significant enough of an amount to treat women as though their sterilizations are almost certainly permanent whereas men's are not. They should both be treated as PERMANENT sterilization. If you think there's a sliver of a chance you'll change your mind and want a reversal, then permanent sterilization is just not for you. Maybe you're basing this on old information or something, but it's not true that a vasectomy is any more or less practically "reversible" than a clip or ring tubal ligation. I'd actually argue that women should be treated even more seriously when we ask for sterilization because we have access to even more effective, reversible, yet still long term IUDs and other forms of effective birth control, whereas men have effectively none (at least in the US where the FDA won't pass it due to the fact that they ignore the huge risks of not allowing male birth control have to the women they impregnate.) If a man is asking for a vasectomy, the chances he believes it is essentially the sole birth control option in combo with the myth that they are easily and reliably reversible is much greater than a woman seeking a tubal ligation thinking of it as the same. Again, if you wouldn't commit to a long distance trip in a car with those odds, why on earth would you put that much faith in the reversal odds of a surgery. The reason we see these trends is 100% because of sexism. I can't even count the number of times doctors have seen my diagnosis (makes pregnancy and birth extremely high risk and life-threatening for me) and, after I turn down their options to make my body slightly less likely to die carrying and delivering a baby because it doesn't bother me and I never wanted children in the first place, that I should just consider getting pregnant anyways and playing Russian roulette with my life because I might meet a man that wants a biological child and sees me as the vessel to deliver it to him, and I should try everything under the moon, no matter how invasive and dangerous, to give a child I don't want to an imaginary future man. Whereas my bf is also effectively infertile, and has never once been told by doctors that the decision around what to do about it should be up to whatever woman he ends up with. I've literally been asked what my "husband/boyfriend" thinks about me not wanting to just through hoops to die in childbirth, whereas they've never even asked him if he had a partner. They have always just asked if HE wants kids because, if he and he alone does, there may be some options. But me on the other hand, they don't care what I want, they care what some man wants to do with my body more than they care about my life in at least half of the times it's came up.

[@renee0_0]

​@@TheAwesomes2104I'm with you in that. Pregnancy would best case scenario end with me being in a wheelchair and unable to have any kind of life and the baby would be in horrific pain and very sick. Worst case scenario is that we both die. I've had doctors repeat questions of how a man could possibly love me and stay with me when I can't be a human incubator nor a house slave. Needless to say my bf of 9 years doesn't have the same view. The idea that women are nonhuman needs to stop.

[@olstar18]

Shows more about your attitude to a mans paycheck.

[@peteranon8455]

Story 2. B***** be crazy. I love the unexplained concerns, followed by the irrational anger at OP's lack of knowledge of what those concerns might be, followed by the "needing a safe space" message and blocking OP. If this were a member of my family, I'd reach out and confirm someone had seen them in person and I wasn't getting fake messages.

[@peteranon8455]

Story 3. Supposing this isn't just a writing experiment, I'll give OP some serious advice (in shouting form): This was literally a won battle and you have somehow decided to LET A NON EXISTENT PERSON OUT-COMPETE YOU IN YOUR OWN MARRIAGE.

[@cyrillechristophe9731]

Story 1: " My gf told me early in our relationship that she didn't want kids. 2y later gave her an ultimatum, kids or break up, and she broke up. What can I do. " Say ok and leave her alone. He decided to be a b*tch abt it and now he's acting like a baby. If it's a dealbreaker, don't take a bet on it. If you do it, don't go in crybaby mode when it backfires.

[@Russman67]

Story 3: OP needs to be single. She was told early on that this woman was important to him. According to the post he never crossed a line. OP created a conflict in her head and she feels that by her dying she won. 🤦‍♂️

[@shells500tutubo]

He never crossed a line? He told her multiple times that his friend came first. That is all kinds of line crossing.

[@Russman67]

@@shells500tutubo Yep, he told her that his friend comes first and that she was important to him ... and she stayed. If this was a problem, she should have passed on the relationship because he said this was the reality. She knew this but in her head decided "Well I'm me so this will go away". If anything she saw his boundary and decided to stomp all over it.

[@SunBeeSmoked]

@@shells500tutubo he didn’t say she came first. He said she’s important and that her spot in his life is not negotiable and that he will go to the funeral.

[@yque4733]

Story #1: The now ex was CRYSTAL CLEAR about having no more kids from the get go. OP is a complete dummy for not moving on at the beginning, and fir giving her an ultimatum.

[@katerinak96]

Story 1, yta, Don't assume she'll change her mind. She might never change her mind. And the audacity of you to feel hurt for the ultimatum you gave, and she agreed to ,by breaking up. What did you think was going to happen? That she'll say ok to having a kid with you? Things like this will drive me insane.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 1- When she told me at the beginning all the reasons why she didn't want more kids, I thought I could pretend to be ok with it, until she and her son were attached to me, and then manipulate her to do what I wanted anyway, becauseI know better than she does! 🤦‍♀️

[@kaylawest2088]

I love when people make "empty threats" and then act all surprised and hurt when people act on them.

[@Jeremy-The-Bullfrog]

Story 3: Now there is a woman who knows how to sabatogue her own relationships.

[@arianebolt1575]

Now there is a KZbinr Who can't spell "sabotage"

[@iononcantomascrivo]

The second story: My God! OP is so not the butthole. Good for her for removing that tumor of a relative from her life. I concur with her overall take on the situation. While I agree, that some people can't be happy for you because they're unhappy with themselves, I think it's much deeper than that. It's really quite simple: if they aren't the center of attention, in the spotlight or making everything about them, they are going to throw a tantrum like an overgrown child who never mentally developed past middle school. I used to have a friend like that and she behaved very much the same way when she was in her 40s. And still thinks the world should revolve around her. Unlike the Sun, she's not that bright.

[@orchidoxs126]

Did you mean another story?

[@MrJpaynebb]

Well the sister is the one who actually cut OP off but we still need an another update. Sister is definitely going to be upset OP doesn't and shouldn't reach out to mend fences. OP should let her climb that hill and rot on it.

[@sgm8265]

@@MrJpaynebb Exactly. Sister is waiting for OP to reach out, apologize, and beg her go to her wedding. Leave her be and enjoy the drama free destination wedding of her choice.

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#1 OP is a complete AH, not for wanting kids, but for not valuing her point and she said no more and made a threat.

[@jettanyx1]

I’ll add in that she also has a medical condition that he can’t remember the name of that he also forgot gave her seizures the first pregnancy. Shows how much he cares about her! Holy crap! I know what conditions my partner, mother, and bestie have; so I can help them

[@-w-1870]

OP is mad that his girlfriend has her own opinions and doesn't want to be an incubator🤣🤣

[@fyoutube9410]

S3, like story 1, the boundaries were laid early on. Why the f don't people hear and understand said boundaries. Also, the funeral retort from the wife, holy shit, divorce her immediately.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

It wasn't a boundary, it was ABUSE. He repeatedly shaved down OP's feelings and self worth because the ex was so much better, always will be his number one!!! Then when OP expressed she was uncomfy he never told her they used to be married, he screamed and threw a fit that his ex will be his number one so OP should just leave

[@fyoutube9410]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt He told her twice, once 2 months into dating and when they got engaged that he will remain friends with the ex. So she had at least 2 opportunities to leave if she did not like him being friend with the ex. How the hell is that abuse? Are you trolling me?

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@fyoutube9410 No, he didn't say he'd "remain friends" with the ex, he literally said he'd "choose her" which is A FUCKING ROMANTIC WAY TO SAY THAT SHIT Not to mention how he repeatedly fucking seemed to compare them and decided ah yes let's not mention I was married to the lady and then scream at my wife when she JUST SAID SHE WAS UNCOMFY

[@fyoutube9410]

​@@lovelysakurapetalsyt Is the context lost on you? They were 2 months into the relationship and he had been friends with the ex for 12 years. If she is uncomfortable with the situation, then the solution is that one of them has to go. In that situation, any sane person is going to chose to remain friends rather than continue to pursue the two month romantic relationship. At no points in the story did OP say husband compared her to the ex nor has she said he screamed at her. You are literally making all of that up.

[@LA-mz1dd]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt your the wife right? Because I don't know where you pull that exaggerated nonsense out of. He didn't lie, he told her he was staying friends with her. If she didn't like it she could leave. What is abusive is what she's doing. Trying to isolate people from friends and family and forbidding them from going to a FUNERAL is cold, heartless and manipulative.

[@annabellehe4307]

Theres plenty of women who want kids but instead of dating them nem gotta go harass the women who don't want more xD

[@ineedhoez]

They want to conquer the wild independent woman!

[@TheAwesomes2104]

They're literally so lacking in basic empathy and steeped in misogyny that they can't possibly imagine that someone could not want what they want, especially a woman whose "only use in life" is to push out babies for them or die trying. Blows my mind how people, especially men, treat pregnancy and birth like it's some trivial thing that just happens. I've shown men perineal tears and asked them how common they think they are. They usually say it looks so horrible and can happen but probably wouldn't. When I tell them 90% of women get ripped open like that during childbirth, then the tone changes from "Oh that looks like the worst thing imaginable, but that won't happen to you so don't worry." to "Oh, well... A baby is soooo worth it though." Funny that when I say fine, I'll have a baby only if they'll let me take a dull knife and rip them open from butt to balls first, suddenly it's not so worth it anymore to them. Crazy how that works.

[@Trisker]

For the destination wedding sisters, I can only imagine the update to that one: Update, sister can'tunderstand why she was uninvited to my wedding because she overplayed her hand.

[@Kati_P]

Story 1: So speaks a man who has never raised a child in his life! I have my doubts as to whether or not he's even babysat once in his life. It's easier with two parents, but it's by no means easy in any way, shape, or form "easy" to give birth to or raise a child. Period. OP stopped being compatible with his ex as soon as he knew she was set on never having more children when he wanted a houseful. OP YTMajorA!! PS: I'm so glad she got away from that manipulative jerk. I hope he gets help and works on himself and learns how to live with disappointment and hearing the word "no".

[@aliquot8404]

I love the comment that called OP a ghoul. Hope she's very soon her husband's ex, but the ex he never speaks to again after the divorce.

[@D-M-K-1-2]

Story 3: How can someone be so heartless? The only reason OP had to hate her husband's friend was simply because she was an ex...

[@keplersdream901]

Disagree. Yeah, she went nuclear, and that was NOT smart. However, he refused to enact proper boundaries. IRL, I have seen the "we're friends" excuse be used to cover up emotional affairs. Exes are exes for a REASON, especially if they were married. Personally, I'd have bailed on him early in the relationship because "friendships" with exes are ALWAYS problematic. The only time when they aren't is if the couple hadn't dated for a long time, i.e., a couple months or less. But if it was a long-term relationship, it will never be healthy for the new partner.

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

She was uncomfortable and he didn't want to deal with it, and neither did she. They should have broken up, she was only heartless because she exploded - which was both on her and him. The entire friendship reeked of exclusivity rights and emotional affair.

[@keplersdream901]

@@SidereusOfTheFallen Agreed.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@keplersdream901 Exes aren't always gonna get back together, but in this situation they probably were having affairs

[@arianebolt1575]

She had no call whatsoever to act like she had the authority to prevent him from attending the funeral.

[@ratoim]

Dear sister: The wedding was lovely. Thank you for the wonderful gift of you not coming. Not having to deal with your constant bids for attention and control made for a much better day. I appreciate how difficult it must have been for you to realize we have a toxic relationship. Hopefully your new lexicon of business speak and psych speak will help you weather the storms of life going forward. I look forward to seeing you again, in an environment of mutual affirmation. Sincerely, Mrs. ***

[@Resilient_Sage88]

Perfect! That was just a whole lotta 'nope' with that sister

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 1: Op planned from the beginning to leverage his relationship for more children. He expected his girlfriend to be to invested, too in love that she’d do anything to keep her happy. Story 2: yes; as a commenter said. Sorry we’re miss you at the wedding

[@orchidoxs126]

YEAH, the first op even basovally says it with the "too early to complain, or change her mind " comment. This man had planned at some point to manipulate this response out of her, even if it wasn't the ultimatum.

[@TriXJester]

All these stories come down to "With SOs/Family like these, who needs enemies?" Like seriously, what is wrong with those people, I can not compute behaving in the ways they have. Especially that last one, I am going to school for funeral services, what OP said was one of the most heartless things I've ever heard someone utter. I gotta be honest, if someone in my life had said that I wouldn't of been able to stop myself from smacking them right across the mouth.

[@ambiava123]

Okay yeah.... did I hear OP correctly about "..... with time and preserverance, a person's mind can be changed?" How self-delusional can one be.

[@vr5966]

Op: bare my children or we are done The gf: ok we are done Op: *shocked Pikachu face* Yeah OP is a major AH

[@seansweeney3533]

Well at least he got his wish. They're done now.

[@ivorynk752]

To OP 1's idea that he was "Taking what he wants from life even if the chances were slim." I would say that alone isn't a bad sentiment but his actions felt more like "Taking what he wants from life, even if it means depriving a supposed loved one of what they want from life."

[@slick8086]

Story 3: OP is clearly a fucking monster. A evil person with an unreasonable hate, that is choosing to keep that hate alive even when the object of that hate has passed on, who now feels able to openly express that hate to people that she claims to love.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

The husband isn't a saint tho, he's clearly abused OP their entire relationship, comparing her with his ex and bitching at her for even feeling uncomfortable she wasn't told they used to be MARRIED

[@imsouglymycatlaughs]

Exactly this, and the part where she said she was relieved at the ex's passing made her more than a monster.

[@BritInvLvr]

Both people suck. They should have never married each other.

[@DemonGodRizer]

Im trying to see both sides and honestly i say esh. Like op is a cruel person no doubt but i guess it's kinda hard not to be when your husband tells you everytime that he would leave you for her without a second thought, so unless op wasn't being truthful everyone sucked in the story.

[@MalachioftheForest]

@@DemonGodRizer i mean, he's just being clear about his boundaries. I'm sure he knows that his friendship with an ex would be a problem for any partner, and he's looking for someone who understands that. Its not really any different than if their relationship was as co-parents, rather than friends. Regardless of how OP feels about her, her husband has a connection with this woman that she has to accept if she wants to be in a relationship.

[@DoritoBot9000]

OP states that he is offended about her “too many kids” opinion because his own parents had 5, but seeing how he turned out she may have a point. EDIT: He involved his siblings into actually calling her to try pressure her? I guess that must be part of the “importance of having siblings” that he was talking about earlier. The whole family is manipulative!

[@Cecelia021]

And this is why ultimatums are harmful 😐

[@randomusername3873]

I don't think that ultimatums are inherently harmful. Sometimes they are needed. But the problem is that the person giving one needs to be prepared to both the outcomes, and usually they are not😂

[@jakemarie828]

@last-chance_ yeah you have to be prepared for the unwanted outcome if you give one. Throwing a fit when they call your bluff is a clear sign of control issues. I don't think they're evil in all cases though. Everyone's got boundaries and deal-breakers.

[@videofan1010]

Not really. He took himself out of the running. Good for his ex.

[@ps9501]

I don't think they are always harmful. Sometimes they are necessary so you can both stop wasting time if your ideologies don't match. For example if she in this case was leading him on for years and years, that "Maybe" i want kids some day or "maybe" i will marry you some day. However in this case she made it were clear from beginning that no more kids.

[@Orinatl]

Op in the last story is an actual monster. Like, Wow. I’m impressed. I how his next interaction with her is him serving her divorce papers.

[@unluckypuppy13]

My best friend is in this exact same situation but worse. She's 23 her boyfriend is 32. She got pregnant at 14 with her daughter with a guy that was 20. She had complications during her pregnancy. She just graduated college and this dude over a year into the relationship says that he wants to have a kid. She told him from the beginning that she never wanted to have kids. Literally all the exact same reasons as this post. Except it's working and now she's saying that since he wants a son so bad she'll give him one. She's been talking about breaking up with him recently but hasn't actually done it. I'm about to forward her this post lol.

[@fufufuaru]

saw the title, pre-judged YTA; listened to the story, yep major AH

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Right, you don't force kids on a partner. I love kids, I honestly think I am not good as a parent. I prefer being an aunt.

[@fantasea114]

"She doesn't understand how important siblings are" You know what's WAAAY WAY more important? Having a mother that wanted to bring you into this world.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. Story 3, WTF?? It didn't seem like the ex ever did anything to incur this type of resentment or jealousy. Many people go through this type of dating? You know, friends then lovers and back to friends because that's what it was meant to be. For the op to have this hate I really thought the hubby and ex were behaving badly but NO. BOTH HAD NEW PARTNERS and just cared that deeply for each other. Strange that the op didn't pay attention to the husband of the ex. He must have understood their relationship from jump street so why this toxic behavior from op? Having friends like these were is very rare and not something you toss away like garbage. She certainly is toxic, but I can feel sorry for her because she will never have this kind of love and joy in her life! She is dancing on the grave of someone that was never a threat to her. And she will now lose the husband, not because of the ex but because of herself. Stay safe please, Peace. Happy New Year Mark, may it bring happiness and joy to you and your family.

[@joshuapierce3085]

Story 1: He is most definitely the AH. He is manipulative, vindictive, and petty. She brought up her desires to not have anymore children early on and he didn't argue because "it was to early in the relationship" but figured he could "change her mind" later on. Vindictive for issuing empty threats to begin with as a means of leveraging the relationship to get his way. And petty for then crying about "not being valued" when she called his admitted bluff. And then to go and argue that she "doesn't understand the value of siblings" because she's not close to her sister and can't imagine having more kids and that "it would be easier with the next because she'd have him"? He completely ignored her experiences as his arguments excluded the actual experience of giving birth and raising a newborn (which isn't easy even with two parents to help. And I know the BASE difficulty of that from The Sims, which is a massively oversimplified experience). And the final thing that says he is only doing this based upon his own desires and experiences and is ignoring everything else is the fact that her son would be nine at youngest by the time they had a baby together. Their kids would be in completely different stages of life and thus would never have anything close to the sibling experience he had growing up. All that to once again reiterate: He is most definitely the AH.

[@orchidoxs126]

Story 1: It's not an ah thing to want kids. It's not an ah to not want kids. But it is to wait after knowing someone doesn't want anymore kids to try and convince them. She is happy with her son and she was straight up about not having anymore kids from the start but op continued thinking he could manipulate her into it. Sure maybe some day she MIGHT ( I highly highly doubt she will) change her mind, some people do but it doesn't matter. Her and your goals now are way too different, and there will never be a for sure that will happen so it would've been best to have broken it off at the start but noo. And her fucking health condition, did he even really like her at the time. Sure he misses it now, but he shows so little repest and regard for her.

[@MizTameRumors]

'he doesn't get to use this 'she's my friend excuse' anymore she doesn't exist..' Imagine saying something that cold to your own husband.

[@trainerlesseevee478]

I'm 9 years older then my sister and we were NOT friends when she was younger, but when she got a bit older we started having an amazing relationship. I love my baby sister and she loves me too. That being said, having siblings does not factor into having children at all. It's both yes or not. You can NOT make people have kids when they don't want them.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 1: OP still doesn't get it, his ex did not dump him! She said no to his marvelously thought out ultimatum, so he either dumped her or he dumped himself. I'm looking forward to OP's next post about how dumb he made himself look in his this post and how enlightened he has become since then!

[@RylieRiddle]

S3: so we've met the 2nd ex-wife of the husband. Never met the first wife but she's a fuck ton better than OP.

[@shells500tutubo]

We don't know anything about the first ex-wife to come to that conclusion.

[@SunBeeSmoked]

@@shells500tutubo yeah but considering most people aren’t as heartless as op I think it’s safe to assume.

[@brigittescott2438]

Men are quick to want babies and when they get them…. Then it’s up to mom to do everything. I said to hubby kids are hard work babies are 24/7 jobs there’s no rest. He said don’t worry I’ll help… he couldn’t even do night shifts in NICU.. coming home he didn’t help me get enough sleep. He had bitched and moaned about wanting a kid now he has one he doesn’t like her kicking him or screaming or the noises kids make. Don’t have kids if you don’t trust your partner picking up the slack coz you’ll just be angry

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

You're absolutely right. It can also be women who are quick to want babies and then dump them on someone else when they get them. But yes, I hate people who are obsessed with having children and babies, only to not want to do the work that comes with having children. Children aren't toys or accessories for your life! You need to want children for the right reasons. Those reasons being you wanting to have a family to call your own, you wanting to raise children to the best of your ability and you wanting to love your children absolutely and unconditionally with no strings attached. None. That's why my parents always say to me, to have children with the right person. Anyone can produce children, but a truly loving and supportive partner will help you raise a family AND support you in your decision on whether you want to stop having children.

[@MsLadyserenity]

Op 3 I said it on her post and I'm saying it again here. Op you are an ABSOLUTE MONSTER. I hope he leaves you and takes everything.

[@carolrondou6161]

She told OP she didn't want to have kids and he was okay with it. He lied to her. No is a complete answer. He gave her an ultimatum. She said okay and left. . YTA. I hope they're not living together because sounds like the type to mess with her bc to baby trap her. Last story OP is a horrible waste of skin. He was open and honest with OP and she was okay with the friendship. Being relived her husband's friend is dead? Monster! His friend left him one final gift, seeing how horrible OP is and hopefully giving him the strength to leave.

[@roelthas]

Last OP had gotten what she wanted but she went and doomed her marriage. 😂🤦🏽‍♂️

[@carolroberts4614]

All she had to do was be gracious for a couple of weeks, and she couldn't even do that.

[@shells500tutubo]

What marriage? He was still married to his ex. And he most certainly would not be back to normal after two weeks. Probably not even after two years. She really should just divorce him. He was never all in this marriage to begin with. She was just the rebound.

[@simonO712]

@@shells500tutubo It's perfectly possible to have close platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex you know.

[@SunBeeSmoked]

@@shells500tutubo stop writing fanfiction

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Story 3: at first I thought we'd see something like the ex said something mean to OP, but no. She's just toxic, jealous, and non-communicative. He on the other hand continuously made his stance clear.aybe he'll return from the funeral with some papers.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

"continuously made his stance clear" Ah yes, abuse a woman into feeling resentful of another woman, such a saint thing to do!

[@JordanDragonAs]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt abuse how? How was he being abusive

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@JordanDragonAs He constantly was comparing OP to the ex and was actively saying if she was so much as uncomfy they used to be married she should leave cause the ex is the only one who matters

[@blazemoon9198]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt There was no where in the post that OP's husband compare her and the friend

[@shells500tutubo]

@@blazemoon9198 These stories are usually incompletely taken from reddit, and the comments there also have updates from the Op.

[@brandi5126]

S1: Children are a clear deal breaker. Just because YOU want kids with her doesn't mean she wants more kids in general. She should break up with you. You aren't compatible.

[@joimumu]

Agree they aren’t a good fit

[@elleswiger9329]

That last story is the first time I've sucked in my breath so hard it hurt. What an awful human.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

It's probably for the best that relationship ended. As an aspiring mother myself, this is one of my biggest pet peeves, men treating women like they're baby factories when they themselves will never truly know what being pregnant and giving birth will be like. I also hate people who are obsessed with having children and babies, only to not want to do the work that comes with having children. Children aren't toys or accessories for your life! You need to want children for the right reasons. Those reasons being you wanting to have a family to call your own, you wanting to raise children to the best of your ability and you wanting to love your children absolutely and unconditionally with no strings attached. None. That's why my parents always say to me, to have children with the right person. Anyone can produce children, but a truly loving and supportive partner will help you raise a family AND support you in your decision on whether you want to stop having children.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: 😭 "I really do love her, but I'm offended, mad, and threatening to end our relationship because she won't put her life on the line to have another child simply because I want one" _~5 seconds later~_ "I'm so upset! How could she just end our relationship like this?!" 💀

[@Raaslen]

Story 1: YTA, Jesus Christ, the level of entitlement some people can achieve surprises me every day. Story3: YTA, Jesus Christ², and here was I thinking that the first OP was an entitled AH, but this one, yikes, just a terrible person.

[@reinventingmelissa2061]

Story 2: The trash took itself out. OP should make sure to not talk about her sister and the drama unless someone asks, and then laugh and laugh and laugh about it. If anything gets back to her sister, it will be that she (OP) doesn't give a shit and has moved on. People like her sister are best handled by ignoring them.

[@TheAwesomes2104]

I had a relationship that wasted over a year of my life and caused me such heart ache all because the guy decided it was "too early" to discuss our stances on children, even though I came out of the gate swinging with the fact that I can't have and do not want biological children. After a year in, he started trying to convince me that I should do whatever it took to increase my chances of being able to survive carring a baby, and that I would change my mind. He started minimizing the very real risks to my life and health if I did change my mind and told me several times that "a baby is worth the risk." (aka, in his eyes, my life was a price he was more than willing to pay to have a bio kid, and if I didn't want to martyr myself to give him what he wanted, then I was "selfish.") It has really scarred me emotionally. I have always been upfront and honest with potential partners about my inability and lack of desire to have biological children, naively assuming it would protect me from wasting my time and heart from getting involved with someone who didn't value my life nor choices. Well it won't. If you are someone who can't have and/or does not want biological children, no matter how upfront and honest you are about it, you'll never know if the person you love actually only cares about you under the assumed condition that you'll change your mind and fall in line/do and risk anything to have that child when you assumedly change your mind. To this day, I still randomly break down and cry wondering if my boyfriend is going to suddenly deside he doesn't want me anymore because I cannot and will not have a baby. I don't think it'll ever go away fully. Its especially nerve-racking because i am still in my early 20's, so all of society has deemed I'll magically change my mind in a few years. The trap can happen again at any moment and I'm powerless to do anything about it. Even with someone who claims they don't care one way or the other, they can suddenly turn and demand I sacrifice myself for the child they suddenly decided they want and toss me away like a snotty kleenex if I don't comply. If someone ever tells you its "too early" to talk about how you don't want kids, RUN. Nothing good can come of it, don't waste your time and sanity on them.

[@randomusername3873]

Pretending to agree with a partner with the intention to change their idea is not only dumb, but it's also incredibly disrespectful, why wouldn't you take their words seriously

[@MsTemptation]

So she told him that she doesn’t want anymore children during the beginning of their relationship and that bullying butthole just assumed that she was going to change her mind a year later just because of him. I’m happy that she called his bluff by saying yes we’re done because it was already decided that she’s not having anymore children.

[@RekiTheRyvian]

Story 1: YTA. If he actually loved her and liked actually spending time with her, it wouldn't matter. But the fact he basically went "you WILL give me lots of biological children or else I will leave you" is just awful. He clearly just saw her as some kind of incubator for his horde of kids. The fact she had legitimate health issues THAT SHE TOLD HIM ABOUT during the process just makes him even worse. He KNEW how bad it was and tried to push her into it regardless.

[@JackTheBlindOrganistAndCrepey]

I hate when people gloss over how traumatic or potentially dangerous pregnancy is and invalidate others decisions around it. It's such a selfish preceptive.

[@Burnerbaby]

Story 1 reminds me of another Reddit post where the OP was married to a woman who made it clear from the jump that she absolutely did not want kids. He badgered her for so long she eventually gave in and had a child. She resented the child her husband had essentially forced her to have, she hated her life, and ended up with PPD. It was made worse by the fact that she was a stay at home mom so she was with the child all day while the father was at work and when he got home, he didn’t take over duties, he played with the child for a bit then went off to do his own thing, leaving her to feel like a single parent to a child she never wanted. She broke, left the husband and the child, and went to stay with her mom. When women say they don’t want kids, or don’t want more kids, BELIEVE THEM. Having more children will not make you WANT them. It’s not fair to the mother or to the child.

[@AshirenAloiseVoidsung]

Story one: Op: give me a child or we're done GF: okay then we're done Op: *shocked Pikachu face* Play stupid games win stupid prizes OP.

[@Dobviews]

1st Story - Bless his little heart. I hope she left him and does not allow him back. They do not want the same things... *you cannot change someone!* He knew from the beginning and expects her to give in to his demands.

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#3 WOW What a huge AH, don't be surprised if hubby leaves OP after this

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

OH YEAH, ABUSER LEAVES THE ABUSED PARTNER, HAPPENS SOOOO OFTEN OP was repeatedly abused by her husband because his ex was SOOOOO much better and kept screaming at her she should leave if she was uncomfy they used to BE MARRIED

[@christinesinclair6938]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt Do you have some sort of axe to grind on OP's behalf? I keep seeing you pop up making this same point with no evidence from the video supporting these claims. Do you know something we don't or, as suspected, you're OP trying to make such heartlessness seem potentially sympathetic? Either put up the link to the original post proving you're right or kindly stop this non-senese.

[@simonO712]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt [Citation needed]

[@SunBeeSmoked]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt the husband set a boundary in his life, that’s not abuse.

[@rylievalentine7109]

Story 1: Siblings are not important. They give you a brotherly bond and emotions of familial care however they can also give you a lot of hate, resentment, jealousy and feelings of being replaced. Siblings in its truest form does not stop at blood ties. Siblings have to be earned despite of blood ties

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 OP was a fool to marry this man. He told her from the jump she was second. She accepted it because she's desperate. That was her mistake. He chose her in life, why wouldn't he choose her in death. OP's anger is misplaced. She needs to be angry with herself for accepting this. This woman didn't do anything wrong. What a strange time to make a stance.

[@13thMaiden]

Right? It sounded like a weird relationship in the first place. I'm all for exes being civil and amicable, hell friendly is okay, but it sounded heavily like homeboy never _wanted_ to divorce the ex, especially if he chose her repeatedly over his SO's comfort to the point OP is becoming a resenting, jealous ghoul that she wants to dance on an innocent woman's grave. OP has become bitter and desperate and made her a straight up AH, Husband is an AH to OP cause he never addressed or worked with his wife's insecurities and just chose his friend constantly, and the friend and her husband are just innocents stuck dealing with this drama because neither OP or her husband could figure out this trainwreck they insisted on making.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

Not really-he chose the friendship over a month’s long romantic relationship and was upfront about this friend being important to him. Instead of respecting that, OP decided to lie and tried to change his mind and cut this friend off once the relationship had progressed, and hubby refused to be manipulated into doing so. He even said to OP at the end, “*Other than you*, she was my closest friend,” meaning he obviously cherished his relationship with OP. OP never brings up any legitimate complaints about his friendship that would help bring people to her side-e.g. instances of her husband placing the friend above OP-meaning it likely never happened. She’s hateful, deceitful, and insecure.

[@joaolima7131]

@@Rose-yt5hi it's because to everyone here, having a friend of the opposite sex must mean they are having a emotional affair or sleeping together

[@lynnw7155]

"she's dead, so she's not a friend anymore"??? Wow. I would not want to be married to someone like that.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@joaolima7131 Dude it's not that, it's that he actively made OP think she's worthless compared to the ex, how the ex will always trump OP in everything, and the fact that he always ditches HIS OWN WIFE for the ex on everything!

[@kiwifreund]

According to the OP's description, the GF was experiencing TIAs during her pregnancy. Completely understandable that she wouldn't want to go through with that again. I was born with rare diseases and to date have had 10 separate rare diseases diagnosed, as well as numerous non-rare diseases. I have had a number of boyfriends try to talk me out of my no-baby policy, but I never wanted to pass my genes on, never wanted to take my chances with pregnancy, and never wanted to try to raise kiddos while being super sick and possibly having them be chronically ill as well.

[@maddy8328]

Story 2, LMAO SHE DOESN'T FEEL SAFE WITH YOU? She had a problem with the humidity, etc. You saying "oh well, that's your problem" does not equal = unsafe. The trash took itself out

[@ravenwolfkittyface1802]

“I’m hurt because I made the empty threat and she very easily went through with it.” Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

[@ineedhoez]

He is the biggest asshole ever. She told him from the jump that she didn't want more kids. He should have ended the relationship then. "I really like you and it has been a nice 3 dates, but it is clear that we want different things in life. Good luck and I wish you nothing but the best." End of story. This mofoe thought he could bend her to his will. Notice how he said "it was early, so I didn't complain or try and change her mind." That is CLASSIC manipulation and relationship fraud. He always intended to beat her down and wear her down into submission. He wanted to wait until she was emotionally entangled so she would bend to what he wanted. This is the narcissism, entitlement, and psychopathy of the men!!! It is sickening. She was an object that he wanted to obtain, so he pretended to be whatever he thought she wanted. Men like this disgust me.

[@paulchaudoir190]

How can an ultimatum be an empty threat? Isn't that an oxymoron? Story three: I wouldn't be surprised OP is jealous of her husband's mom and maybe thinks he should stop seeing her.

[@simonO712]

It's an empty threat if you aren't willing to follow up on it.

[@owl7072]

Story 3: Op's a fucking sociopath and that's all I can and will say on the matter.

[@carolroberts4614]

I second that!

[@damiion666]

Last story: I feel for her. She has a right to finally be relieved

[@kamicokrolock]

Story 1: I can't even finish it, Yes YTA, not for wanting kids but for pursuing a relationship with a woman who stated from day one, no more kids, and you decided that you'd convince her to change her mind. She needs to dump the trash and move on .

[@bigrivtodagled8210]

Funeral story, OP has only herself to blame if she was unhappy about the relationship her husband had with his friend, if she didn’t approve, the moment he said "I will chose her" is the moment she should have ended that relationship. Imagine being too infatuated that you don’t realize that the person you see as your life companion will never view you the same… the fact that husband hid the information of her being his ex-wife is kind of iffy but she chose to accept (albeit reluctantly) that relationship, so she shouldn’t complain about it and forbidding her husband to attend the funeral is just cruel. Imagine how she will be lynched when everyone finds out the marriage is over because she refused for him to be present to say goodbye to his dead friend. Imagine being so happy that someone died and people are left grieving? She couldn’t even hold in her joy at the tragedy that unfolded and she is trying to dictate how to grieve. She is the devil.

[@Renziijoson5137]

I appreciate you making these videos Mark. I listen to all of them whatever I'm doing. You're the best!

[@standinthegsp6858]

Lol, you just learned a very valuable lesson: Never ever never issue an ultimatum unless you can live with either consequence/choice. Time for you to move on to find another girlfriend to be your wife.

[@dustysimpson7864]

1- You don't love her, she said no. You won't expect that! Sounds like a you problem. Just move on.

[@CatAstridphe]

Story 1: Straight up, one of the first questions out of my mouth when someone expresses interest in me is "Okay, but before anything else, do you want kids, and do you like cats?" If the answer is anything except "No" and "Yes," then I'm outies. At best, I can maybe see myself adopting older children, and I will always want at least 3 cats. I don't want to invest myself in a relationship only to have to break up later because of this exact thing.